Hello my lovelies. I would like to thank amywegner16,Mimi french fan (Guest), Dief09, Beepmybanana and Guest for the wonderful reviews. I would also like to thank those of you who have followed and favoured since my last update.
So as promised another chapter this week, and as I reckoned it is a long one. I hope you like it.
Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS: LA.
Callen pulled into the parking lot of the bar just after closing time cursing silently to himself. In truth he'd been cursing since he started this drive. Cursing the rush hour traffic he got caught up in heading out of LA, cursing the imbeciles who got in his way on the freeway, but most of all he was cursing the distance he had to travel to get to Marty's side. He didn't understand this feeling inside him. In all his other relationships he'd made sure to keep his partner at a distance, never letting them too close, never giving them a chance to hurt him, but it seemed Marty Deeks had bypassed every one of his self-preservation techniques. It was as if the walls he'd spent a lifetime building around his heart did not exist to the younger man. He had just somehow waltzed in and made himself at home.
Callen had no idea if this was because of who Marty was, or if it stemmed from their previous relationship of colleagues and friends. But he had decided he wanted to be with Marty, he'd made that choice so he really didn't care. He wondered if that should scare him, and he knew if it was anyone else then it would, if it had been anyone else that had broken down his defences so efficiently he would be running for the hills, but right then the only thing that truly caused him any worry and fear was for Marty himself. And the only thing on his mind was getting to the younger man's side, to make sure he was okay, to help him through whatever Hetty's arrival had caused. Yes the only thing he wanted right then was to be with the man he cared so deeply for, no matter how new their relationship.
Climbing out of his car he didn't hesitate to make his way to the front of the bar with that one destination firmly in his mind. To find Marty make sure he was okay. Though when he entered the bar he found his plans derailed somewhat by the man sitting in the empty bar, two bottles of beer in front of him.
"Callen, sit. We need to talk." Frank said calmly as he kicked out the chair opposite him for the younger man. He'd been thinking a lot about what he would say when G Callen arrived. Planning it all in his mind. because as much as he knew the guy was good for his son, that their relationship was something he needed to encourage to bloom, he also knew that he couldn't let what had happened today happen again. And he needed Callen to know that.
"Okay. How's Deeks?" Callen asked as he cautiously sat. He could see the look in Frank's eyes. It was one he'd seen before, that of a protective parent looking out for their child. And while he'd seen it, he never knew exactly how to behave around it. After all he'd never had anyone look at someone that way for him.
"He's okay. I talked to Hetty." Frank replied pushing the other bottle of beer towards the younger man as he spoke.
Callen nodded at that, taking the time to drink some of the beer while he considered what to say and all the possible outcomes of this conversation. Tried to think of a plan of action that would allow him to bypass the guard Frank was being.
"What did she say?" He finally asked evenly, a curious but casual expression on his face as he carefully put down his beer.
"It seemed she wasn't here for Deeks." Frank replied not taking his eyes off the man in front of him, wondering when he would realise what he meant by those words, or more accurately if he would show him when he worked it out.
"No?" Callen asked raising his eyebrow at that. He wasn't truly surprised if he was honest with himself. He'd made sure Hetty didn't know Marty was here, so it shouldn't shock him that she hadn't been there for him. But that did leave only one real explanation for her arrival, and it was one he'd been trying his hardest not to think about as he drove down here. Because he absolutely hated the idea that he was the cause of Marty's pain. That his visits to see him were the reason he'd been put in the position he had that day.
"No. She was here for you. Wanted to know why it was her son kept coming up here." Frank responded watching like a hawk as he said the word son. As such he didn't miss the slight sigh Callen let out between his teeth, nor the way his shoulders sagged at his words. If he was reading the kid right, he'd say that while those were the words he hadn't wanted to hear, they didn't exactly surprise him either.
Callen sat for a moment when he heard Frank's response. He heard the subtle emphasis he put on the word son and he knew the former detective was about to interrogate him for an explanation. He really didn't like telling people about his past, didn't like seeing the look in their eyes when they heard he'd never had a proper family. He really hoped he could find a way round telling it all to Frank, but he really didn't think the guy would be easily distracted, not when his reason for knowing was so he could protect Marty. No he doubted anything could distract Frank from protecting his son. Therefore Callen leaned back in his chair, beer in hand as he replied with a non-comital "Ah."
"Why didn't you tell me she was your mom?" Frank asked when he realised the other man wasn't going to say anything else. It seemed if he wanted answers he was going to have to ask the questions.
"It's complicated." Callen replied, shrugging his shoulders as he did, hoping that would be enough to get Frank to leave it be, not that he thought it would, but hey, he was trying to be optimistic.
"I not stupid, I'm sure I can understand. And I have the time to listen." Frank responded leaning back so he was matching Callen's posture. Using his ingrained interrogation techniques, even if he doubted they would have the desired effect on the federal agent in front of him. It was a natural habit to fall back on.
Callen knew he had no choice. He had to give Frank something. He could see in the older man's eyes that he needed to hear the explanation so he could find it in himself to trust him with Marty. Therefore he gave Frank the barebones of his history. No need to go into detail after all. "I was brought up in care. Until I was fifteen when I was sent to juvie. When I broke out the only thing that stopped me going to jail was Hetty. She took me in, cared for in a way no one ever had before, and she trained me to become the man I am today. She may be the closest thing I have to mother, but she is still first and foremost my boss."
"Do you truly believe that?" Frank asked with a frown. He had so many things he wanted to ask about what Callen had told him, but he could tell from his delivery that any more was not on the table. Therefore he concentrated on the one part that he didn't agree with, and that was that Hetty was first and foremost his boss. Because the woman he'd spoken to that at evening was most definitely not looking for a wayward member of staff, no she was trying to find out what her son was up to. And they were very different things.
"I'm not the first nor the last she took in and trained. There are many of us out there, Hetty's projects." Callen responded with, a slight bitterness entering his tone as he did so. He'd once thought he was special to her, maybe because she'd been his mom's handler, but he knew that wasn't true.
"Hmm. Tell me does she keep such a close eye on them as she seems to do with you?" Frank asked. He didn't think for a minute the answer was yes. Because while he was sure the lady he'd met had taken in many orphaned children over the years, had raised many of them to be formidable agents, he couldn't help but think the man in front of him still held a special place in her heart. He didn't know why, but he'd put money on the fact that she thought of Callen differently than she did the rest. Bet that she cared for him as something more than someone she took in and trained.
"Honestly, I have no idea." At that Callen sighed. He didn't want to be thinking about this right then. In fact he made a point never to think about these things. It was better left alone in his mind, therefore he decided it was time to change the conversation. "I'm sorry. I should have disabled the GPS in my car the last couple times I was here."
"We all make mistakes, Callen." Frank sighed. He knew he was closing the door of the previous conversation, and well he couldn't blame him. He had enough background info for now.
"Yeah, I know." Callen agreed darkly. There were many mistakes he'd made in his life, not turning off his GPS was just the last in that long list in his mind.
"Tell me, is there a chance any more of the people from Marty's previous life ae going to be turning up here?" Frank asked sitting up straight. This was the most important point in his mind. Because he didn't want anyone around Marty that he didn't want there. And that included the people he'd once called family back in LA. He needed to know what the chances were he had to keeping them away from his son.
"I'll make sure they don't." Callen promised though while he thought that he realised he would need to go out and disable the tracker on his car, and his phone. But he would make sure no one would bother Marty. He'd already 'talked' with the wonder twins to get them to stop following him when he wasn't at work, he would just have to make sure he had a plausible story to give Sam when he returned to work that would explain why he'd disappeared yet again. But even as he thought that a small smirk appeared on his face. He'd make Hetty help him with that one, it was all her fault he was here and not in LA after all.
"You'd better, kid. I like you, and Marty's likes you a hell of a lot more, but I will not let him be hurt like he was today. Am I understood?" Frank replied. He'd seen the smirk and the dark look cross Callen's eyes and he'd had to suppress a shudder. He really wouldn't want to be on the end of his wrath right then. But at least that look showed him just how far he was willing to go to protect the boy they both loved.
"Completely, sir." Callen responded, respect coming through in the words. I mean how could he not respect someone who confronted Hetty to protect one he cared for?
"Good. Now go see your boyfriend. He's in mine and Henry's apartment, no doubt being mothered and smothered by my husband." Frank replied with a nod. He'd got his message across and discovered what he needed from this talk, time to let the boy go to where he was truly needed, for both him and his son.
"I will." Callen said as he stood, ready to move out of the room but before he did he spoke once more. "I'm glad he found you, the both of you. He needed a family, and here he found one of the good ones."
Deeks sat on Frank and Henrys couch wrapping in a thick blanket with Monty at side. Henry had left him a while ago to work the kitchen for the night, and in truth he'd welcomed the time alone. It was strange, he'd thought he'd hate it. That he would be downstairs within half an hour of Henry leaving, but instead he found it gave him time to think in a place he knew it was safe to do so. Because he knew Frank and Henry were there if he needed them. So he sat there and thought over the feelings seeing Hetty had brought up inside him and he realised that it was less the woman herself, but more the memories she brought with her that had caused his panic. It was remembering all he'd left when he looked into her eyes, remembering the pain he'd thought he'd put behind him. Of course he hadn't. He had been overly optimistic if he'd truly believed he'd moved past all that had caused him to run from LA. He should have known, should have realised that the happy bubble he'd been living in here was going to burst sometime.
He wished he could get that bubble back, but he knew it was too late. Now he needed to figure out a real way past this, rather than convincing himself that all he needed to do was face up to what happened to make it all go away. Because it wasn't going to go away. It was always going to be there, lurking at the back of his mind ready to strike when he least expected it to. And he couldn't box it up, that solution had been well and truly burnt on the cliff when he'd cried in G's arms. He had faced it, faced what he'd been through, now he needed to work out how to deal with it.
He couldn't stop the humourless chuckle that came out of his lips in the empty room as he thought those words. Because while he felt he'd moved so far away from the Deeks he'd been when he ran from LA, he was right back where he'd been then. Trying to think of a way to deal with the pain and emotional upheaval being tortured had caused him. Not to mention the discourse in him about the people he'd thought of as family for the last four years. People it turned out that were no such thing.
Oh man, he really had no freaking clue how to deal with all this.
He was pulled from his thoughts by the door of the apartment opening. He turned towards the entrance to the livingroom, expecting it to be Henry or Frank, so he was surprised to see G standing there. But that surprise was soon washed away by an overwhelming flood of emotions hitting him.
"G." He croaked out, and before he could even think to try and get anything else out he found himself wrapped in the arms of his boyfriend. The arms which no matter what made him feel safe in a way nothing else could. Arms that made him realise he didn't need to be strong, because G would be strong enough for the both of them. With that knowledge he allowed the tears he hadn't even realised he'd been holding back fall.
"It's okay Marty. I'm here, I've got you. I'm here." Callen muttered soothingly as he gathered the younger man in his arms and pulled him against his chest as he sat by him on the couch. Pulled his arms tight around him while whispered meaningless words into his hair, with a scattering of kisses upon Marty's forehead. Nothing mattered more to him right then than Marty, he was his whole focus, every thought, touch and intention in his mind focused solely on the man in his arms. Because Marty needed it to be that way, and that was the only important thing right then.
Finally Marty pulled back to look up at the man holding him and smiled slightly at the caring he saw in his eyes. "Sorry, I don't even know why I am reacting like this." He said with a slightly forced chuckle as he went to dry the tear tracks on his cheeks.
"It's to be expected, Marty. No one goes through what you did without repercussions." Callen replied softly, running his thumb gently across his cheek while his fingers curled into the younger man's hair.
"Really, what about Sam?" Deeks huffed. He doubted very much that anything effected the former SEAL. Hell he'd been back a work long before Deeks could even think about idea of returning, yet they'd been through the same thing. Yeah he very much doubted Callen words would apply to him.
"He has his own demons, Deeks. Trust me." Callen responded sincerely. He knew his partner had had issues after that case, though his were less related to the torture and more to the danger Michelle had been in. But the reason behind them did not matter, the fact was they all had their crosses to bear from that one.
At that Deeks pulled out of Callen's hands, turning so he could rest his elbows on his knees and run his hands through his hair as he tried to find the words to explain what he was thinking, and what he was feeling, to the man at his side. "I just… I want to get past this. I want to stop feeling so… weak and helpless."
At that Callen grabbed Marty's face turning him so he could stare into his eyes as growled out, "you are not weak and helpless, Marty Deeks. You are one the strongest people I know. Don't ever forget that." He couldn't let the other man think he was weak and helpless, because it wasn't true on any level, and if nothing else Callen knew he had to convince Marty of that fact.
"Then why did I break down, just from seeing Hetty?" Deeks asked so quietly that Callen almost didn't hear the words, but when he did his heart broke at the tone of them. He sounded so lost. Callen wanted to be able to give Marty an answer, but the truth was he didn't have one.
"Don't think I'm really qualified to answer that, but I'm pretty sure Nate would say something like the mind works in mysterious ways." He replied instead, smiling as Deeks chuckled in response, just the way he hoped he would. If he couldn't give him an answer, then the least he could do was lighten his mind, right?
"Yeah, I can actually see him saying that." Deeks responded before breathing out long and loud and then relaxing back on the couch, snuggling himself into the arms of his boyfriend and allowing his mind to stop thinking for a moment. To stop whirling around his problems and instead just be. To just feel the comfort and safety he always felt when Callen was there. Giving himself a chance to find his stability once more, before he even tried to consider the whys of his reaction again.
The silence surrounded them both as the tension slowly ebbed away from their bodies. As they both took the time to allow their brains and bodies to meet in the knowledge that they were together and that that was all that mattered to them right then.
Finally Callen felt able to break the silence. Felt able to say the words he knew needed to say. "I'm sorry Hetty came here."
"It's not your fault, G." Deeks replied instantly. I mean he wasn't Hetty's keeper, he couldn't determine what she was going to do, so really G had nothing to apologise for in Deeks' mind.
"Actually it kinda is." Callen responded, winching as he words caused Deeks to tense.
"Why?" Deeks asked sitting upright frowning at the man with him. He couldn't help but wonder if maybe G had told Hetty where to find him. Or somehow knew she was coming and hadn't told anyone. He couldn't stop his brain from wondering if the man he cared for had betrayed him in such a way, even while his heart was telling him it wasn't true.
"She came to find out why I kept spending my time at the bar." Callen replied evenly. He could see the thoughts going through Marty's eyes, and while it hurt him to realise that the younger man didn't trust him, he knew he couldn't blame him for not doing so. Not after all that had happened between him and Kensi. He knew it was going to take a long before Marty would ever trust so easily again, if he ever did.
"What? How did she even know you were here?" Deeks asked frowning at those words. I mean sure he knew she kept track of them all when they were working, but the times G had been here he hadn't been. So why?
"Guess she wanted to make sure I wasn't off doing something crazy." Callen responded with a shrug. He could think of no other reason for her to track him. Especially after he found out the name of his father. No doubt she wanted to make sure he wasn't on his way to Russia to locate the man.
"That's not right, G." Deeks argued back still frowning at the idea that not only Hetty keeping track of Callen when he wasn't working, but also that she would come here to find out why it was he did. Why didn't she just ask him if she had to know, or better yet, respect his privacy?
"Well I did fake being sick that one time." Callen replied in defence of the woman.
"One time. Then you were on medical leave. Something you can take wherever you like. She doesn't have a say in what you do in your free time, G." Deeks replied indignant on behalf of his boyfriend.
"It's what she does, I guess. I'll talk to her about it tomorrow. But for now, let's just forget about Hetty, yeah?" Callen responded. He didn't want to be talking about this now, no now he just wanted to spend time with his boyfriend.
"Okay." Deeks agreed but he still did not like the idea of Hetty wanting to know everything Callen did. She had no right to know that, no matter how close the two were.
"Okay. Why don't we go to bed, yeah? I don't know about you, but I could do with some sleep." Callen said. After all he knew Frank and Henry would be coming up soon, and he really didn't want to get the death glare from the chef. The conversation he'd had with Frank was more than enough for him for one night.
"Sleep sounds good. Especially if it's in your arms." Deeks responded cheekily as he waggled his eyebrows at the man with him.
"There is nowhere I'd rather you be, than in my arms, Marty." Callen agreed, though rather than standing for them to leave he found himself pulling the younger man closer to him as he spoke those words.
"Good, cos that's exactly where I want to be too." Deeks replied just before their lips finally met and the shared their first proper kiss since Callen arrived. A kiss which didn't truly touch on what had brought him racing from LA to be there. No it was just a normal kiss between a normal couple who wished to show the other how much they cared. A kiss that showed the feelings that were still so new to the both of them, and expressed that which had only just started to bloom between the new couple.
Much later, when Marty was sound asleep, Callen made sure to sneak out to his car to disable the GPS tracker. Marty did not need any more unwelcome visitors to find him there because of him. As such he also sent a quick message to Sam saying Hetty had him a special assignment before he shut off his phone and took out the battery. After all as he'd already considered it was Hetty's fault he wouldn't be in work tomorrow, she could deal with his partner's displeasure at that fact. And with that thought and a true smile on his lips he fell asleep, holding Marty tight in his arms as he did so.