A dark mass of swirling black and red. Mouths open in endless silent screaming, drowning. Arms aloft, reaching out trying to find something, anything to cling too. A hand grabbed McKay and pulled with unprecedented strength. It yanked him into the sea of red and black and McKay screamed but no sound was emitted. He was drowning. Rodney woke up struggling and drenched in sweat. He tried to reach up to wipe his face, but his hand was stopped by something. Restraints. He glanced around and saw Atlantis and relaxed a little.

'Welcome back, Rodney.' Beckett's voice was low and calm. 'Easy now. Don't fight the restraints.' Carson put his hand on McKay's shoulder and squeezed reassuringly. 'Do you know where you are, Rodney?'

'Yes, of course I do. Atlantis.' Carson looked relieved at Rodney's irritation and nodded.

McKay tried to shake the feeling of suffocation that still lingered from the dream. He tried to focus on the things Carson was saying but his mind felt… foggy.

'Good, that's good. Now, how are you feeling?'

'Terrible.'

Rodney saw something in Carson's eyes, concern, yes, but something more not quite pity… McKay's eyes went wide.

'Sheppard?'

'He's fine.'

'Really?' McKay studied Carson's face for anything he might be hiding. There was something there.

'Yes, whatever you gave him seemed to work exactly as you said it would.'

Rodney tried to cast his mind back to getting home to Atlantis but his mind drew blanks. He remembered Carson's concerns about the sap and the side effects that there might be. Side effects that he may well be suffering from.

'Side-effects?'

'I'm not seeing any currently, but we both know that doesn't mean anything necessarily. It will be a while before I am happy that you are both in the clear as far as that is concerned.'

Rodney felt woozy and rested his head back for a moment.

'Are you sure you are feeling well?'

'I'm exhausted even though it feels like I've been sleeping forever.'

'That might be the sedative I gave you. You were extremely agitated when we tried to leave the planet. Do you remember it?' Carson was squinting his eyes and being careful with his words, McKay recognised the signs of being 'handled'.

'I don't remember leaving but I know we need to go back.'

'Why?'

'The entity there needs our help.'

'And what do you think the best way to do that would be?'

'Take a team and find the solution, like we always do… why?'

'And if I said you'd have to wait?'

'Well I wouldn't expect get up and just waltz through the stargate.'

Carson narrowed his eyes in suspicion.

'You don't feel compelled to return?'

'I want to go back and help, but not alone. I'm not insane.' Rodney felt his head drooping and snapped it back up. 'Sorry, I can't seem to keep my eyes open.'

'It's ok, Rodney, you sleep. God knows you've earned it.' Carson patted his arm and pulled up the blanket.

McKay shut his eyes and drifted back into deep sleep. This time his dreams were less about drowning more about other things. A number of times he was roused to semi consciousness by dreams of a meadow with green and purple grass, flowers and children playing. It was pleasant and carefree. Another dream showed the same children playing on the station in the arboretum he'd crossed with John. The trees were much, much smaller and everything was well maintained. There was a great sense of happiness and contentment. McKay observed quietly and then, one by one, they all turned and looked at him. Their eyes staring right into him. He felt paralysed with fear and could not move or avoid their penetrating gaze. Then suddenly the smell of death and McKay saw himself reaching into the red-brown plant water…

Rodney was not unaccustomed to nightmares, he'd always had them as a child and as an adult his intellect helped fuel his anxieties about all the horrible possibilities of what might happen when awake. These dreams were different. They were vivid, he could smell, hear and see everything. It was like he was a part of them, not just experiencing them. Waking up from them was jarring and it took a moment for him to realise once again where he was. He wiped his face and realised the restraints on his hands were gone. He looked over at John and saw he was asleep. It was reassuring to know he was there, not far away. A warm swell of feeling went through him, pleased that Sheppard was alive.

'Hello, Dr McKay.'

Rodney jumped and saw Dr Heightmeyer sitting nearby, she had a book in her lap and a cup beside her on the tray-table between them. She looked tired and Rodney noticed the lights were dimmed.

'Hello, Dr Heightmeyer.'

'How are you feeling?'

How was he feeling? He wasn't sure. Tired, absolutely, but everything else seemed so far away. Why was it freezing in here?

'Tired and cold,' he replied.

'You might still be feeling the effects of medication Dr Beckett has given you. It's ok if you are feeling a little bit out of sorts, perfectly normal.'

'How much time has passed?'

'Since you came back? It's been about thirty-six hours.'

'Where's Carson?'

'He's asleep.'

'Here?'

Heightmeyer pointed to one of the beds on the further side of the bay and Rodney saw Carson sleeping.

'I came in early to help and saw how exhausted he was. I told him I would keep watch and wake him if need be.'

Rodney nodded. He sat quietly for a moment and he could feel Heightmeyer watching him. He felt her penetrating gaze was assessing him for signs of insanity.

'Would you like something to drink? Tea perhaps?'

'Just water.'

Heightmeyer got up and poured some water into a cup for McKay and handed it to him. He sipped it and at least his mouth felt less dry. As he placed the cup on the tray-table between himself and Heightmeyer, he saw that his hand shook. McKay looked up immediately to see if Heightmeyer had too. She was looking directly at him, but she didn't say anything. He took his betraying hand back and pinned it to his lap with the other.

'I don't know how I got here.' Rodney tried to fill the silence and perhaps she would avoid talking about his shaking. And he didn't know how he'd gotten home.

'As I understand it you didn't want to leave and had to be sedated.'

'I did? Yes, I did. Carson said something about it. Sorry I forgot.'

'According to the others you suddenly became insistent about staying, wouldn't listen to reason. Dr Beckett had to sedate you.'

McKay looked uncomfortable searching his mind for the memories that went with what Heightmeyer was describing.

'I remember John…' McKay trailed off recalling the pain Sheppard was in when he'd given him the sap.

'What do you remember about him?'

'He was in pain. No-one was listening to me and John was dying, so I gave him the sap.'

'Then what?' Heightmeyer lent forward slightly.

'The wraith came and so did Teyla and Stevens, they fought so that we could get back to the stargate.'

'Did you feel then that you should stay?'

'No… no. I had to get John back to Atlantis.'

'So what changed?'

McKay stared at the cup of water so that he wouldn't have to look Heightmeyer in the eyes as he spoke. He felt the drowning feeling coming back and a tightness in his chest.

'I… It, the entity overwhelmed me. It needs our help and it tried to show me why but the onslaught of its feelings was too much.'

'Rodney, do you feel like yourself?'

McKay snapped his head up to look at her. The question took him by surprise. Almost immediately he began to answer yes, but then stopped himself. Did he? Did he really feel like himself? He looked away while he thought about the answer. He crossed his arms over his chest and rubbed them as if he were trying to find warmth. Everything seemed so distant and far away. He gritted his teeth a little, he wasn't sure how to answer and that scared him. He felt a flutter of fear and the tightness in his chest worsen. How would he even know? His bottom lip quivered a little as he answered.

'I don't know.'

'It's ok, Rodney.' Heightmeyer stood and walked over to him. She picked up a spare blanket and started to place it over his legs, bringing it up to his waist. 'You are shivering, are you cold?'

'I don't feel anything… just numb.' Rodney looked down at his arms and hands and realised he was shaking. He gritted his teeth further, the cold feeling intensifying, the tightness in his chest compressed his lungs.

'Oh,' said Heightmeyer like she just realised something and quickly walked over to where Carson laid and gently shook him. He started when he woke and got up quickly, barely looking tired at all, ready to help.

'I think Dr McKay is in delayed shock, he's cold and shaking.'

Carson got up and made his way over to McKay.

'Rodney, how are you feeling now?' He added another blanket and pulled it up over Rodney's chest making sure it was all tucked in. He took Rodney's hand holding it tightly and looked directly at McKay.

'I'm getting pretty sick of being asked that, that's how I'm feeling.' McKay looked annoyed.

'Aye, well, you are in medical you're going to be asked it a lot.'

'I'm cold. Somehow I'm still tired.'

'You're in shock, Rodney. Not really a surprise given what you've been through. The sedation I gave you would have delayed it, but not prevented it necessarily. And sedation isn't a substitute for real sleep or rest. I would suggest you settle down and see if you can get some sleep by yourself. Or, if you like I can give you something?'

'Will it stop dreams?'

Carson and Heightmeyer exchanged a weighty glance with each other. Carson's tone softened when he spoke again.

'I could find something that might help with dreams, if that's something you'd like?'

'Yes… please,' McKay laid down and added, 'And, Carson, don't tell Sheppard.'

'Don't tell him what?'

'That I've had bad dreams.'

'Of course not, your secrets safe with me, Rodney,' Carson went to the medicine cabinet and came back with two pills in a paper cup. 'Here you go.'

McKay took the pills and swallowed them.

'How long will they take to work?'

'A few minutes.'

'Ok.' McKay lay back but didn't shut his eyes.

'Are you warm enough?'

'I think so.'

'Would you like something to eat, Rodney?'

Carson was rewarded with McKay's eyes lighting up.

'Pancakes.'

'Pancakes? Might have to wait till the mess opens for those. Best I can do is a fruit cup.'

'I guess that will have to do.' Carson walked off to fetch the fruit cup.

Rodney looked at Heightmeyer.

'You think I'm nuts don't you?'

'No, of course not.'

'You have to say that.'

'True, but, Rodney, you have your issues but nuts isn't one of them, citrus maybe…' She smiled reassuringly, 'Why don't you close your eyes and think of something more pleasant to help you rest?'

'Like what?'

'The last time you felt happy?'

McKay's mind wandering back to the alien station. Rodney closed his eyes and thought of the moment on the alien station, in the arboretum when he'd caught Sheppard's eye and looked away. Sheppard hadn't looked away. The thought of that moment trapped in Sheppard's glance made his stomach queasy. No, not queasy, it made his insides lighten. Like going over a bump in a car, a moment of exciting freefall just before you hit the ground again. He kept returning to the moment, replaying it, enjoying the moment of 'freefall'. McKay had started to rationalise what had happened between them as some sort of freak, stress induced episode, where Sheppard had teased and Rodney had misunderstood. Except… the look after, in the trees. Those eyes and that smile. He pushed away the doubts and lived in the moment as he drifted back to sleep.

Sheppard woke to Weir gently tapping his arm, she was smiling softly.

'Good morning, John.'

'Are you allowed to wake me? I'm pretty sure there's some rules about letting healing patients get their rest.'

'There probably is but you seem to be healing just fine.'

'I do feel fine… considering. Was there something you specifically wanted or was it just to rob me of my beauty sleep?' Sheppard forced himself to sit up in bed and waited for the pain when he moved. He was pleasantly surprised to find there was none.

Weir smirked and held out a tablet for John to review. There were lots of words like 'mission report' and 'incomplete'. He looked up at her and she was still smirking.

'Would you believe I've suddenly taken a turn for the worse?'

Weir shook her head.

'The truth is, John, we have some hefty gaps in the narrative and until McKay is awake and gets the all clear, you're going to have to fill them in for me. But a brief now so I have some understanding could delay the written report for a few hours.'

'You're sly sometimes, you know that?' John lay the tablet on his lap as he spoke.

'I know.'

'I guess you know everything up until Teyla and Ronon left,' Weir nodded. 'Well, McKay was fitting and, at that time, we'd seen no-one else apparent so sending for help seemed the right thing to do. Especially when the radio didn't work. The other choice was pick him up and carry him back, but that might have killed him so I was cautious. That and he's damn heavy.'

Weir gave Sheppard a disapproving look.

'Anyway, they didn't come back. I waited about thirty minutes and decided to move Rodney myself, then Wraith turned up. I knew they would head to the room we were in before because it was some sort of hub. So I moved McKay, as quietly and as quickly as I could, and I wasn't wrong, he was heavy.'

'Did you know about the entity at this point?'

'No… well actually, I wasn't aware of it, but it was aware of me. It tried to communicate with various flashing colours but I didn't know that at the time. It was only when I was trying to escape the Wraith did I notice the green lights leading me away from them.'

'Did you feel compelled to follow them?'

'No, it was more like choosing odds, you know 50/50 chance of not ending in death so I went that way. As it turned out it led me to some sort of medical area with beds and scanners, not that I understood more than his heartrate. Now, the next bit is going to be… well, you're going to get judgy.'

Weir's face changed from calm to extremely tense instantly.

'John…'

'It turned out okay, McKay's alive right?'

'John!'

'See that's exactly the face I was talking about.'

'What did you do?'

'I injected McKay with an unknown alien medicine because the flashing lights said it was ok.' Weir's eyebrows flew up her forehead. 'Look, I know how it sounds, I do. But in the moment, with McKay bleeding out of his ears and eyes, it seemed the call to make. And I can tell you, he was not pleased. That's gratitude for you.'

'I can't believe you did something so reckless...' Weir shook her head in disbelief as she spoke.

'You can't? Oh well I guess that's a good thing.'

'What happened after that?'

'McKay whined… a lot,' Weir shot him an impatient look, 'The Wraith turned up and tried to get in but we escaped thanks to the entity helping us. There was some trekking in vents, McKay wasn't doing so well, but we pressed on anyway. There was an incident with Wraith on the way that was extremely interesting. We saw one who was injured but not healing, it made a lot of noise until his charming friends knocked him unconscious.'

'Did you notice anything unusual about the Wraith?'

'It was wet, it might have been blood.'

'Like a red-brown liquid?'

Sheppard nodded.

'Yes, I think so. Is that significant?'

'Yes, I think it might be. Rodney was covered in it when he came back.'

'I know that the place the Wraith came from and the place Rodney went to get the sap were one and the same.'

'That's good to know, thank you.'

'When we got out of the vents we had to cross and area that was flooded, but the entity evacuated the water.' Sheppard's mind flashed to waiting for the water to clear and smiled.

'Remember something else?'

'What? Oh er… no. Yeah. When the water cleared we just followed the lights till the arboretum. Where I got shot. Bit of a shock actually. I don't remember much after that until I was in the room Lorne found me in.'

'You made the video clip that was sent to us in there.'

'Yeah, see… I don't really remember much about that part. I do remember the entity communicating with me while I was unconscious.'

'It did? I wasn't aware of that.'

'I'm not sure how it did that. Maybe because I was unconscious it could speak to me. Anyway, in that time it showed me visions of the past and how it got to that state. It helped me regain consciousness so that I could communicate with you.'

'What sort of things did it show you?'

'Their struggles to survive against the Wraith and the lengths they went to. Not dissimilar to many groups we've met, they gave a lot to live. The entity was a living breathing person once, but sacrificed himself to help others, I guess it's a trait that stayed with him.' Sheppard looked down when he thought about it. The idea of not helping the entity was displeasing. 'We are going to try and go back, right?'

'Yes, of course. The gate opened a few times but it has stopped. We aren't going to dial until we have all the facts and a team together.' Weir paused and glanced over to where McKay was sleeping, 'We also need to know what happened to McKay.'

'I thought he went back to get the sap and returned?'

'Yes, he did…'

'But?'

'When the team tried to leave he lost control, fought to stay. He had to be sedated and brought back.'

'Right, I know that bit. I would guess that because McKay was more sensitive to the entity the emotions it projected were much stronger. I did promise to help it.'

'You did what?'

'I told it, if it helped me I would do my best to help it.'

'You shouldn't have made promises you didn't know you could keep.'

'It knew I might not live, it was a risk it was willing to take. But as long as we go back…'

'For all we know it could be crawling with Wraith.'

'Send a MALP.'

Weir frowned at Sheppard, he could see her trying to work out if it were worth the risk. John knew he could sell it, if he took a certain angle. He used his winning-over-Weir smile.

'You know that station is powered by some significant tech. I'm pretty sure if we help the entity it will share it's knowledge at the very least with us. And that's not to mention the idea of having something that can heal life threatening injuries.'

'Don't do that.'

'What?'

'The hang-dog thing.'

'Wow, I must be losing my touch…' Sheppard looked faux-confused, 'it's like losing a super power or something.'

'We'll send a MALP, depending on McKay's assessment.'

Dr Heightmeyer walked in at this point and greeted both Weir and Sheppard with a bright smile.

'How are you feeling, John?' She asked.

'Alive, which is better than yesterday.'

'Do you think you are up to having a chat later?'

'Is this where you ask me probing personal questions, I get uncomfortable and give you one word answers.'

'No, it's where I ask you probing personal questions to try and ascertain whether your mind has been compromised by an alien consciousness or whether being shot has traumatised you, and you get uncomfortable and give me one word answers.'

Weir laughed and covered her mouth almost immediately.

'I think you might have broken Dr Heightmeyer, John,' said Weir.

'I've made an impression I can tell.'

'I will leave you to your verbal sparring, I will speak to you later, John,' Weir nodded at both on them and walked off to find Carson before she left.

'Am I that bad?' asked Sheppard.

'Not compared to some,' Heightmeyer looked over at McKay.

'Oh, I know that one. Never stops talking, am I right?'

'Actually, I did want to speak to you about Rodney.'

Sheppard's defences went up immediately and internally his mind was saying 'Danger. Danger, Will Robinson.' John tried to sound as casual as possible.

'Oh, concerning what exactly?'

'Would you say you are friends?'

'Well, I wouldn't go that far.'

'Really? He did save your life.'

'Well I might want him to shut up less… for good behaviour you understand.'

'Is it really so difficult to admit you're both friends.'

'Have you met McKay?'

'Okay, let me try again. You know him well?'

'Yes, I know him well.'

'Right. Well when Rodney wakes up he's going to need a stable environment to feel safe in. Just a precautionary measure until we know he's ok.'

'Why isn't he awake now?'

Beckett who'd been loitering nearby talking to Weir before she'd left replied before Heightmeyer could.

'Rodney needed some help sleeping last night, but it shouldn't be too long before he wakes now,' Carson glanced at the time and mentally calculated when Rodney would wake, 'Maybe an hour or two at most.'

'What do you mean by "stable environment"?'

'I mean keep things as they are so he feels secure.'

'I'm sorry… have I missed something?'

'We don't know the long term effects of the entity's presence. It clearly had a hold on McKay far more than it did you or Teyla. I'm just erring on the side of caution, that's all. If it turns out I've over-reacted in his treatment I'll be relieved, but I'm not an expert… no one is.'

'I understand, stable and normal, check.'

'Thank you, John, and do pop in later for our chat.'

'I wouldn't miss it.'

'That means today.'

'I know.'

Carson chuckled at their exchange and said goodbye to Heightmeyer as she left. He walked over to Sheppard's bed and checked his vitals.

'So, do we get breakfast in this joint?' asked Sheppard.

'Yes, but I'm afraid you won't be eating solids just yet.'

Sheppard gave Carson a serious look.

'What?'

'You had a gut wound, I would like to give it some time to recover before we start to tax it.'

'This is precautionary right?'

Carson gave Sheppard a stern look.

'I know what you are thinking and you will have to wait till this evening at the earliest. I have a liquid supplement for you in the meantime.'

'Sounds appetising.' John pouted and then asked, 'What are they serving in the mess this morning?'

'Pancakes.'

'Aww man I was looking forward to those.'

'If you eat and stress your wounds they could pop internally and give you sepsis.'

'Yeah… but pancakes!'

'Well you can watch Rodney eat his when he wakes up.'

Sheppard gave Carson an evil stare.

'I see how it is; McKay's your favourite.'

'Perhaps you can convince McKay to share while I'm not looking.'

Carson and Sheppard looked at each for a moment and then laughed.

'Maybe you could make a start on that report if you're bored,' Carson observed helpfully.

Sheppard pulled a disgusted face, but picked up the tablet. He read Ronon and Teyla's accounts of what happened, Ronon's was brief but Teyla's had some insights. Then he read Lorne's report which did not make for good reading. It was a difficult situation made worse being under fire from the Wraith. Sheppard started to tap in some details; some of it was still a bit foggy. As he wrote he couldn't stop his mind drifting off on tangents. It had occurred to him as he recounted, what McKay must have done to get the sap. He must have fought and killed at least one Wraith, the one that had shot him. McKay must have then carried or dragged him out of the arboretum to the room the others found him in. Rodney would then have had to go all the way back through the arboretum, through the flooded area, up the access and back into the vents. No one knew what Rodney faced in the… what would you call that? The dark arboretum? But once out he wouldn't have been able to go back the way he'd come. Sheppard was sure McKay would not have been able to get back into the vent. What happened after that? He must have found an alternate route and avoided the Wraith.

Sheppard looked over to the bed where McKay was sleeping. The gentle rise and fall of Rodney's shoulders indicated a deep sleep. John felt a swell of something in his chest, a rising feeling of warmth. A wide smile spread across his face lighting up his eyes on the way.

'Well, well…' He said aloud to himself. 'Hello there, butterfly.'

Rodney opened his eyes for the first time in a couple of days without feeling groggy or tired. He was still in medical, the beds still sucked but it was home at least and he was alive. He sat up in bed and rubbed his eyes only to be jarred by someone throwing something hard at his head.

'Ow!'

'Sorry, aim is not back yet.' Sheppard grinned widely and Rodney rubbed his head, then picked up the missile. It was a green jello cup. Rodney looked confused and held it up.

'Why are you throwing jello at me?'

'I don't like that flavour.'

'And how does throwing it at me help?'

'I want yours,' Sheppard pointed at the breakfast set aside for McKay.

McKay held up the cup on his tray.

'This is syrup, not Jello.'

'I know.'

'In what reality do you think I'm going to swap jello for syrup?' McKay was clearly sceptical.

'This one.'

'Major, please do not throw projectiles at other patients,' said Carson. 'And we had this chat already, you get solids tomorrow. You shouldn't even have that.' Carson pointed at the cup Rodney was holding.

'I'm fine… you know I'm fine.'

'Do you think it is possible, Major, that just once you might err on the side of caution?'

Sheppard smirked. Carson sighed.

'I guess not. Wait and let me check your tests, I'll be back in a moment.'

The moment Carson was out of the room Sheppard held his hands to his chest like he was ready to receive a pass. Rodney looked at him and shook his head.

'Aw come on, McKay!'

'Doctors' orders,' Rodney smirked.

'Oh I get it… no, no, you keep it.' Sheppard crossed his arms, 'It's not like you to be uncertain of your own theories.'

'I'm not.'

'Black plant serum ring any bells? I mean you wouldn't have given it to me if you were unsure it would heal me right?'

Rodney glared at Sheppard unable to find a flaw in his reasoning, of course he wasn't wrong. McKay threw the syrup at him a lot harder than Sheppard had thrown it to him. Sheppard's smugness was insufferable. He put the Syrup down on his tray, which only held orange juice, and then held up his hands again.

'What now?'

'Pancake,' said Sheppard.

McKay narrowed his eyes, picked up a pancake and frisbee'd it over. John caught it like a pro. The look of smugness intensified. Sheppard poured syrup on the pancake and shoved almost all of it into his mouth. An inch hung out of the side and Carson walked back into the room. Sheppard had the grace to look a little sheepish.

'Busted,' said McKay.

'Honestly,' said Carson. The doctor turned on his heel and left the room without another word.

Sheppard chewed loudly and swallowed. He pointed at the exit.

'Do you think he's gone to get me breakfast?'

McKay threw another pancake over and Sheppard smiled.

'Thanks… wait hang on.' Sheppard eyed the food then McKay suspiciously. 'Why don't you want it?'

'Does it not taste the same when you haven't cajoled me into feeding you?'

Sheppard nibbled the edge.

'No.' He ate the rest anyway.

Carson returned and gestured at Sheppard.

'You need to come with me. I want blood before you disappear and then hide.'

'I don't do that do I?'

'You know you do.'

Rodney watched as Sheppard walked off with Carson. Sheppard glanced over his shoulder at McKay before he disappeared from sight. It was hard to believe that he'd nearly died only a few days ago. Not a wince or a whimper getting out of bed. In fact he'd never looked better. Rodney picked up the last pancake, took a bite and chewed. He looked at the pancake confused and placed it back down on the plate. His hand was still shaking he noticed. It didn't taste quite as nice as he thought it would. Usually it would've been devoured in seconds, but it really wasn't all that great. The gnawing, tight feeling in his chest hadn't lessened and all of a sudden he felt like he needed to move. Edging his way out of the bed McKay stood and stretched, he was surprised he didn't ache anywhere near as much as he thought he would.

The only other person in the room, a med-tech, barely noticed as McKay walked out.