A/N: Happy belayed 5-year anniversary to 4x16! I got inspired and had to get this idea out of my system. It's really just a little something, I could have turned it into more but frankly, I think, it works best this way. I wanted the power of the original scene to still come across in this piece because I love it so much. Thank you to Kristina for inspiring me and allowing me to use some of her beautiful words. I hope you like it :)
not just a pretty face
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Before Donna can leave, he blurts out, "I said it because I love you and I wanted you to know it." She has to know that he meant what he said and the sincerity of his words make her whirl around, walking back towards his desk.
"Love me how?"
"Why does that have to come up?"
Donna won't have it. "Love me how?"
Harvey feels himself getting aggravated, she's backed him into a corner there and he doesn't have an answer, at least not one he thinks she wants to hear.
"That's what I thought. You either can't answer or you won't which is bullshit because obviously you don't just look at me this way. You are capable of looking at me that way, but you are afraid to let those worlds collide because you are afraid to risk anything."
She is so sick and tired of the unspoken between them, and quite frankly of the spoken too.
"Because we have everything!"
"No, Harvey, you have everything," she points out, furious that he would even say that.
"So you're saying you want everything?" He challenges her.
"Yes!" Donna shouts without thinking. "Yes, and I'm tired of fighting it."
"Donna–"
"I'm not finished. I'm tired of fighting it every single day! You know what's worse than being scared? Letting the moment pass, Harvey. Not telling people how you feel about them."
She stares him down, daring and challenging him all in one. Her eyes are filled with tears yet she is not backing down now, fed up with his denial once and for all.
"Donna, we can't."
"Why the hell not?"
"Because this is all I can give you!" He hisses, finally getting up.
She shakes her head, "No, no, it's not. If you just opened your eyes, you would see what's right in front of your face." She gestures at herself once again.
"If I acknowledged it, I would act on it and we could never go back to the way we were before."
"Exactly. We could be happy, Harvey!" Her voice sounds exasperated, begging him to see it too.
"I would lose you," he all but screams at her, terror evident in his voice at the very thought of messing up what they have.
"You are already losing me by not being honest with me."
The words hit hard but she is wrong.
He steps closer then, so close that their breaths mingle. "No, this is the only way I get to keep you in my life forever, why can't you see that?"
His jaw clenches repeatedly and there is a flash of desperation in his eyes until he looks at her, really looks at her and sees her confusion turn into understanding.
"What is love to you?" she asks quietly, brows drawn together like she is trying to grasp what she is missing here.
The concept of love is a difficult one and everyone feels it differently. Her earlier question of 'Love me how?' plays into it and for the first time she thinks that they are from so vastly different worlds and backgrounds that it's a question she needs to ask.
"Love is loyalty, having each other's back, showing up, protecting the other person. It's what we have. You and I are a team," he replies honestly. He sounds quieter than before, sincere and vulnerable, and her breath catches.
"I meant what I said, Donna. I do love you but turning this into more would ruin us in the long run. I can handle anything... I can't risk losing you. I won't."
Her throat closes up within seconds, finally understanding where he is coming from, and her chin quivers slightly.
His words carry so much weight; his denial turning out to be just him protecting himself from what he believes to come true once you enter a relationship.
"Have a bit of faith in yourself, Harvey, have faith in me, in us," she begs.
"You have me in all the ways that matter." And there it is again, his unwillingness to let something as trivial as sex and a relationship come between when what they have is so much bigger than that.
His words sound final and for a moment she thinks about turning around and leaving him. Her heart is aching for herself but it is aching much more for him and what he believes to be true.
It feels like a fight or flight situation and instead of running away and accepting his decision, she longs to make him see that she won't do that. She won't be pushed away because she knows Harvey feels it too, he's admitted as much, and if there's even the slightest chance that she could make him happy, make herself happy, it's worth fighting for.
If anyone deserves fighting for, it's him.
Harvey fought so hard to not let her go to prison. He'd offered to drop the Liberty Rail case in exchange for her and then he let them get away with murder, for her.
He sees them as one and the same. In his eyes there's no Harvey without Donna and no Donna without Harvey. They can't exist without the other.
"I won't leave you, Harvey, no matter what happens."
"You can't promise that," he says bitterly, shaking his head.
"No, maybe I can't, but then I also can't promise you that we will always work together. So take what you can get while you can," her voice is insistent, her eyes locked with his as she stresses every word.
It paints a picture. Harvey without Donna; her desk empty and a hole in his heart. It's enough to make him panic and want to do reckless things like hold onto her with all his might.
"Don't let life slip by, Harvey. Don't live your life in fear of losing me. Make sure it simply won't ever come to that."
There is an impossibly strong pull in his chest, the realisation that she is right dawning on him.
She makes it sound so easy, so right, and he longs to be worthy of her. The possibility of missing his one and only chance with Donna makes him jump into action quite literally.
He surges forward, drawn to her like a moth to a flame. Determined to make her his, to fight for her and never let her go.
He cups her face, their eyes communicating silently and then his lips connect with hers, his bottom lip pushing between both of hers.
Donna opens up to him instantly, the fervency and urgency with which she responds making him forget why he was against them doing this is the first place.
He slides his arms around her waist, pressing her closer to him, and her arms find their home around his neck as she buries her hands in the short hairs on the back of his head.
It feels a bit like drowning, and a bit like falling, like the world is shifting and tilting, but that's them. That's what denying yourself the thing you want most for twelve years feels like and he moans into her mouth.
The heat between them grows within seconds as their hands can't stay still, roaming over every inch and every curve. They seem to be kissing forever, reacquainting themselves with each other and it's effortless, really. There's no doubt that this is it — and then Harvey pulls back, but only enough to look at her, his eyes searching hers for confirmation that they are on the same page
"This is it for me, Donna. It's you, it's always been you and it will always be you so we can't mess this up."
She bobs her head, her chin quivering and she whispers, "We'll figure it out. I have faith in us."
"Good." He grins at her, his eyes lighting up.
"Good." She smiles back, her eyes crinkling at the corners and she brushes her nose against his softly, almost still in disbelief of what's actually happening.
Harvey kisses her again tenderly, his teeth catching Donna's lip so gently that when he releases it, Donna wants to sob.
Instead of fighting to stay away from her, he is fighting to be with her and it feels like finally.
A/N: Reviews are always very much appreciated!