She stepped out of the portkey chamber looking pale but composed. There were dark smudges under her eyes, and she squinted against the light. She stopped to slip on a pair of dark glasses. When they were in place, she began walking.
And stopped.
"Severus?"
"I thought you might have neglected to bring a headache potion, foolish girl." He held out the bottle.
She dropped her bag, ran to him, and flung her arms around him. Her embrace was tight, her face buried in the crook of his neck.
Hesitantly, he put his arms around her. He patted her back gingerly, afraid she'd shatter. She was tense in his arms, back and neck tight.
After a long moment, she pulled away. "I'm so glad you've come. I never thought…"
"Take your potion." He pushed it into her hands. As she drank, he ran a critical gaze over her.
Despite her understandably tense and pale countenance, she looked well enough. Her skin was tanned and there was a smattering of freckles across her nose and cheeks. Her dark gold hair had some lighter strands thought, no doubt from the Egyptian sun. Her weight was good, and she looked healthy and fit.
She finished drinking and handed the bottle back to him. "Thank you. That helped." She removed the glasses and slipped them into a pocket. "Why are you here?"
A simple question, but one for which he had no ready answer. No good answer at any rate. Instead, he picked up her suitcase and said, "We should go. Your mother no doubt needs you."
A flush rose to her cheeks. "You're coming home with me?"
"I assume you know how to do a side-along apparition. I don't know where you live."
She grinned. "I do." She held out her hand.
He placed his in hers. Together, they apparated, appearing behind a cozy house. They stood in the middle of a green yard shaded by tree. There was a garden with riot of colorful flowers. Everything was neat and pleasant, with benches scattered around for sitting and a small fountain in the corner.
It was a far cry from Spinner's End.
Marissa took a deep breath and tightened her grip on his hand.
"Okay," she whispered, straightening her shoulders. Then, she walked to the house. "Mum?" she called as she walked in through the back door and into a kitchen.
"Marissa? Is that you?" A soft, round woman a head shorter than Marissa came into the room. She had a cloud of white hair and bright blue eyes behind her gold spectacles. She looked tired and careworn, but she smiled when she saw them. "I'm so glad you're home." She opened her arms.
Marissa stepped into them and gave her mother a hug. "Are you all right? I can't believe he's…" Her voice was cut off with a choked sound.
"I know, darling. It was sudden." She pulled back and looked up into her daughter's face. "Just the night before, he was talking and laughing like nothing was wrong. He had a pain in his leg but was going to get it checked. And then…" She shook her head. Then, she turned her eyes to Severus. "Hello. I'm Edith." She looked over him and said, "Are you Severus Snape by any chance?"
He arched his eyebrows in surprise.
Edith smiled and held out her hand. "Marissa showed us a picture of you. She speaks of you often."
Severus shook her hand. "I'm sorry for your loss."
A wave of sadness washed over her face. "Thank you. As I said, it was sudden, but not entirely unexpected. He was eight-nine."
He glanced at Marissa, surprised. He'd expected her parents to be younger, as she was only eighteen… or was she nineteen now? To have parents of such an advanced as was uncommon.
Edith dropped Severus's hand and looked between him and Marissa. "Are you staying for the funeral? It's tomorrow afternoon at our church."
Marissa's eyes went wide with hope.
"I wouldn't…" he started, then shook his head. "I've never been to church before."
Edith looked surprised, but it quickly faded as she said, "Of course, you're a wizard. Still, you're welcome if you want to come. You'll only need clothes."
"I can transfigure some of Dad's to fit," Marissa said softly. She was looking down now, face despondent.
He sighed. "I'll stay."
Marissa practically glowed. "I'll show you to the guest room," she said.
"I'll make some tea," Edith said. "The neighbors have been generous. We've cake and casseroles to last the month." Edith smiled and moved to the kettle.
"This way," Marissa said. She walked out of the kitchen and led Severus up the stairs.
The guest room was small and comfortable. It was done in soft yellows and creams. The windows were open and lace curtains wafted in on a gentle breeze.
Marissa went to the bureau and took out some sheets. "I'll make the bed," she said, but Severus took them from her.
"I can do it. You should be with your mother."
She swallowed and blinked a few times. "I know." Her arms dropped and she stood there, not moving.
Severus put the sheets on the bed and took out his wand. With a quick flick, the bed began to make itself. "I didn't expect your mother and father to be so advanced in their years. They could be your grandparents."
She blinked again and focused on him, looking as if she were coming out of a trance. "Oh, they are. Properly, I mean. My natural mum died when I was born. Her parents adopted me. I've always known, but it just made more sense to call them Mum and Dad." She shrugged.
"What of your father?"
She shook her head. "He didn't want me. They were young and he…" She shrugged. "A few years later, he got in a crash. Drunk driving."
"I'm sorry." He hesitated, then said, "I know something of not being wanted by one's father."
"Yours abandoned you too?"
"No. But I often wished he had. You are lucky to have grown up with loving parents."
"I know." She bit her bottom lip and gazed up at him, hazel eyes bright. "I'm not ready for tomorrow." She gasped suddenly, then stepped close and put her arms around him. "Thank you for coming." She brushed her lips lightly over his.
Heat rushed through him. He stepped out of her embrace. "Marissa, you mustn't think… My feelings have not changed."
She sighed. "Frustrating man. Then why are you here?"
He had no ready answer.
Marissa smiled. "I imagine your objections are the same. The age difference? That I was your student?"
"There are other concerns."
"Like what?"
He inhaled deeply. "Marissa, you just lost your father. I'm here as support. We can talk about my concerns later."
She nodded. "I'll get my dad's clothes for you to transfigure. Mum will have tea ready soon." She yawned, and Severus's eyes were drawn to the dark smudges under her eyes.
"You should rest. Get some sleep."
"Later." She smiled warmly. "I'll be back in a moment." She left.
Severus sat on the bed, looking around. And wondering what the hell he was doing.
#
The service the next day was lovely. There was music and flowers. People spoke about the deceased in glowing terms. Severus was able to put together a picture of the man: warm, loving, a good friend and a good father. He loved the outdoors and puzzles. He played cricket until he couldn't. He was the member of many charity organizations and had been something of a prankster at university.
During the service, Marissa sat between her mother and him. She had one hand in her mothers and the other on the pew between them. At one point, she reached over and took his hand, squeezing it tightly.
She never shed a tear.
After the service, the body was taken a crematorium and a reception was held at a nearby recreation facility. Severus stood in a corner and watched as Marissa was beset by well-meaning friends and family. They expressed sympathy over her father's death and shared stories about him. They asked where she'd been over the holidays. They twitted over her imagined weight loss and the not imagined shadows under her eyes. They asked after friends. They probed her about her love life. More than one asked about her career ambitions and shook their heads when she gave vague answers. It was when a cousin began asking about her motherhood aspirations that Marissa got a gleam in her eye that spelled danger.
He left the corner and crossed the room.
"Perhaps some air?" he suggested.
She let out a breath and nodded. "Excuse me," she said, pushing the baby she was holding back to the cousin. She took Severus's hand and followed him out of the hall.
There was a park behind the reception hall. They walked in silence until they came to a bench, where they sat.
"Thanks," she said, brushing hair from her face.
He nodded.
She closed her eyes and tilted her head back, face to the sun. "What do you think would happen if I didn't go back to Egypt? If I stay here instead?"
"You wouldn't complete your apprenticeship, you would never become a curse breaker, and you'd be miserable."
She opened her eyes. "I could do something else." She looked at him. "I could become a potion's master. Brew for the rest of my live. Open my own business."
But he shook his head.
Her face fell. "Why not? It's what you wanted for me."
"But it's not what you want for yourself. It wouldn't be the same challenge."
Marissa let out a shaky breath. "I just hate to think of her all alone. She's seventy-eight. She's getting frail and…" She sniffed.
Severus turned to her. "She won't be alone. She has all those friends. Family too. She'll be taken care of."
"Isn't that my job? To take care of my parents?" Her face suddenly crumpled. "Oh, God, Severus, I didn't even come home to see him at Christmas!" She dissolved into tears.
Feeling awkward, he put his arms around her. Held her as she sobbed and stroked her hair. He said nothing, no platitudes or admonishments. No shushing or sighing. He simply held her and let her cry.
He lost track of how long she cried. Gradually, her sobs lessened and trailed off. Finally sniffling, she pulled away, red eyed, face splotched.
Without intending to, he reached out and wiped a tear away. "I'm sorry you didn't see him before he passed."
"I keep thinking that if I had just come…"
"Nonsense. You don't have that power."
"Yes, but a butterfly flaps its wings in China, and it sets off a storm in California." She sniffed. "Sorry. It's a Muggle thing."
"I know the saying." He hesitated, then said, "I'm a half-blood. My father was Muggle."
She blinked, looking surprised. "Oh. I thought… Was that why he was so horrible? Because you were a wizard and he was not?"
He thought about it, then shook his head. "My father was a miserable man. I think he would have been the same no matter what."
Marissa nodded. "I understand." She sighed and sniffed, wiping her eyes. "I know it's childish to think anything I did could have stopped him from dying. But, oh." She sighed wistfully. "I wish I'd seen him one more time."
"Of course."
She lay her head on his shoulder. "He loved puzzles. Not just the ones you put together, but logic puzzles. Mathematical riddles. Anagrams. When I was a child, we'd sit together every night and work on them together. He shared his love with me. We read, too. Him, me, and Mum. Every night. And not just picture books. When I was old enough to concentrate, they read me novels. Austen, Bronte, Shelley."
"They read you Frankenstein when you were a child?"
"They saved that for the year before I went to Hogwarts. But, also, children's literature. The Secret Garden and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory." She sighed. "I loved those hours we'd spend at night, them on either side of me, taking turns reading." She wiped her face. "Every night, he'd tuck me in. Tell me how much he loved me and that he couldn't wait to see me in the morning. And when I left of Egypt, he told me he was proud of me. That I was about to set off on a wonderous adventure. Little did I know that I'd never see him again."
He put his arm around her. "He sounds like a wonderful father."
"He was." Her eyes welled again, but she just wiped the tears away. "How do I go on with life after this? How am I supposed to be normal with my father dead?"
Severus thought of the losses he'd had. He thought of his life now. And he said, "You must find a way. Otherwise, life becomes nothing but a shadow."
She sat up and looked at him. "Are you speaking from experience?"
He nodded once.
"Who?"
He shook his head.
She sighed and said, "You are a virtual vault of mysteries."
Severus smiled. "You do like a challenge."
This time when she kissed him, he didn't pull back. Not right away. He allowed himself to feel the warmth of her embrace and the softness of her lips. He breathed in her fresh, clean scent and reveled in the feel of another body pressed against his own.
Reluctantly, he pulled back. Withdrew from her and held himself close.
"I shouldn't," he said, eyes downcast.
"Explain to me. In words that don't include student or too old. Because those reasons are rubbish. I know you like me. I believe you are attracted to me. So, explain why not."
He closed his eyes. "I am not a good man. I … My…." He huffed out a breath. "I killed my yes." He opened his eyes again.
Confusion clouded her face. "Your yes? Who… Oh. The person you loved."
"Yes."
"How?"
He couldn't look at her as he said, "Have you heard of Harry Potter?"
"The Boy Who Lived? Who hasn't?"
"His mother. Lily. She… I …" He swallowed, fists clenching. "We were friends for a long time. Then we weren't. But I still… But I went wrong. I allowed my hatred of my father and my ambition to…" He pressed his lips together, then forced out, "I became a Death Eater." He risked a glance at her.
Her face was neutral, almost deliberately so. "Go on."
"That should be enough, stupid girl."
"I want to hear how you killed her."
Angrily, he said, "I was at Hogwarts for an interview. I overheard Trelawney give a prophecy about the defeat of the Dark Lord. I… I told him." Grief swelled in him, tightening his throat. "I didn't know he'd think… I didn't know he would…" His eyes stung, but he ruthlessly quashed his feelings down. "He killed her. Because of me, he killed her." He looked down at his hands in his lap. "That's what I do to those I love. I cannot risk that again. I won't."
"I see."
With great effort, he forced himself to look up.
Marissa's expression cut him. It was a cold mask.
He swallowed. "I told you. There were reasons. That I…" He faltered and trailed off.
She took a breath. "I need to think. I need…" She pushed back hair from her face. "I'm not entirely sure you're as culpable as you think of Lily Potter's death, but you were a Death Eater. I don't need to be with someone who hates Muggle-borns."
"I don't. I never did. But I apprenticed under a Death Eater, and he offered to introduce me to people in power. I was young and ambitious and…"
"Stupid."
"Yes." He fell silent.
They sat there for a long time. Marissa gazed into the distance with a thoughtful expression on her face.
For his part, Severus was in the tenth circle. He had not realized how highly he valued her regard until it was most likely lost. Not only that, just reminding himself of what he'd done… of the loss he'd suffered because of his damned ambition made him feel those feelings all over again.
The silence was agonizing. His heart, already pained from speaking about Lily, was tight and cramped. He cursed himself. How could he have let this happen? Why had he let this girl become so important to him?
"God," she said, rubbing her face. "This was a reality check I probably didn't need today." She swore softly.
He stayed silent. There were no more words to say.
Finally, she let out a sharp breath. "We should go back."
"I could leave."
Marissa shook her head. "No. I don't… I'm angry and confused, Severus, but I don't want… I don't know what I want." She stood and ran her hand through her loose, flowing hair. "Just stay. Come." She held out her hand.
Severus stared at her a moment, then took it. Together, they walked back to the reception hall.