It was a beautiful day on Tracy Island, the sun was out, waves crashed on the beach, peaceful piano music could be heard coming from the lounge and yells of joy came from the direction of the pool. Unusually, it was an extremely quite day for International Rescue and with that quiet, John was down from 'Five and Lady Penelope was over for an long overdue visit. Each respective Tracy was doing their own thing, and all around everyone was pretty happy...well almost everyone, Alan was complaining about the fact that he was on dished and it was lasagne night and Kayo? Yeah, she wasn't faring so well. She stood in the room she and Scott shared, in front of the mirror, dressed in a crop top and shorts. She knew she was doing it again, dwelling on her image and things from her past but she couldn't stop doing it. She really hated herself and she knew it came from all the bullying she got at boarding school because she was a bit heavier than other girls in her class, and no matter how many times Scott told her she was perfect and beautiful, she just couldn't believe him.
She let out a strangled cry of frustration as her eyes traveled down her reflection in the mirror and then she glared at the skin on her thighs lined with thin white scars resembling the cuts from a razor blade, her hands shaking violently as she started at her reflection in pure hatred. She felt ugly, overweight, scarred and worthless and she definitely felt like she didn't deserve Scott's love.
She'd been happy of late, but recently all her old depressed thoughts had come back to haunt her. She glanced down at the shockingly white scars that lined her inner wrists and stomach. She'd first started cutting as a pain relief after her mother died, and then again when she got bullied at school, cutting only on her upper thighs and stomach so that no one would ever find out. Once the Tracy's and Kyrano moved onto Tracy Island, Kyrano pulled her out of school and decided to school her from the Island like the Tracy boys and so the cutting mostly stopped. But then when Jeff disappeared and everyone thought he'd died, she started again, it getting worse every time she felt depressed. When the Hood started attacking her adopted family, she cut; every time one of them came back injured, she cut; every time the rescues went wrong she cut, until one day she gave up; yes she had a loving adoptive family, an amazing loving boy friend but she felt like everything was her fault: the Hood being her uncle, all the rescues that went wrong, the Mechanic and the Chaos Crew rising up and hurting her brothers and friends, everything was her fault and she just gave up, and so after writing notes apologizing for everything that went wrong, she slit her wrists, lying on the bathroom floor, waiting for the darkness to swallow her.
Scott had walked in just in time, just as unconsciousness had flooded over her. Yelling for Virgil, they'd managed to compress and stop the bleeding and then had rushed her to the closest hospital in Tracy One, hoping and praying they'd gotten to her just in time, as her heartbeat got weaker and weaker,. Luckily they got her to Middlemore hospital in Auckland just in time and after spending several weeks in the Suicide Ward she'd been taken back to Tracy Island. It had taken her a long time to open up to anyone about it but eventually after a girls night out with Penelope, she had broken down at Creighton-Ward manor and had told her everything. Eventually she'd also opened up to Scott and Grandma Tracy and after a lot of explaining and tears, the issue was mostly resolved.
Tears falling from her eyes, she slowly sank to the floor, sobs escaping her as she wrapped her arms around her knees.
XXXXXX
Scott jogged his way up the stairs from Thunderbird One's hanger, having completed some overdue maintenance. He made a quick stop in the lounge and smiling as he recognized the music Virgil was playing on the piano left the room and went down to the kitchen to grab a snack from the pantry. He spied his grandmother arguing with the automated kitchen module. You'd think that after almost eight years she'd know how to use that thing. He thought, laughing to himself as she waved her wooden spoon at the machine.
"Hey Grandma." he said flicking on the pantry light and reaching for a muesli bar.
She glanced at him before putting her wooden spoon down on the counter, "Hello dear, lunch'll be ready soon."
He nodded and then picked up an apple from the fruit bowl on the counter. "Have you seen Kayo?"
She shook her head, " Not since she came in here to talk to me."
He frowned, "Is she okay?"
Grandma sighed, "Honestly, I don't think so, but she wouldn't really tell me. Maybe you should go talk to her, she might tell you what's wrong."
Scott placed the muesli bar and apple down on the counter. "All right." he replied, heading out the door.
"Scott?"
He turned around "Yeah?"
"Be gentle with her."
He flashed her a quick smile before rushing out the door and up the hallway to the bedrooms.
Grandma fondly shook her head him the direction he had rushed and then slipped at frown on her face as she turned back around and glared at the machine.
XXXXXX
Scott softly knocked on the door and pushed it open, a worried look on his face. Kayo tried to stop the tears as he stepped into the room but he had already seen her wiping the tears away. Feeling his heart break a bit at the sight of his girl in pain, he walked over to her and crouched down in front of her.
"Kayo." He waited for her to respond but then carried on. " Baby, what's wrong?" He asked worried.
Kayo tucked her chin into her arms, tears streaming and she looked away from him.
He settle down on the floor, sitting cross legged in front of her. "Honey, talk to me, what is it?"
She shakily breathed out and glanced into his worried and concerned face. "When you look at me, what do you see?"
"What?" he asked, surprised at the question.
"When you look at me, what do you see?"
"I see exactly who and what you are..." He started.
She interrupted him, "So you see an ugly, overweight, scarred, worthless girl who doesn't deserve you or your love?"
"What? No Kayo, definitely not." He said shocked as tears welled up in his eyes.
She looked back at her reflection, her face red and blotchy from all the tears. "Why can't I be skinny and perfect like other girls? Why do I have all these scars and crinkles when I smile? I just don't understand how you can love someone like me."
Scott breathed out slowly and took her hands in his. "Baby, you're perfect to me so don't think you're ugly, overweight and worthless because you are none of those things." He wiped away her tears before carrying on. "I know you've never loved the crinkles by your eyes, when you smile you've never loved your stomach or your thighs, the dimples in your back at the bottom of your spine, but I love them endlessly."
Tears trickled down her face as he gently pulled her into his arms and onto his lap. He stated humming and then softly broke out into song.
"You'll never love yourself half as much as I love you
You'll never treat yourself right darling
But I want you to
If I let you know I'm here for you
Maybe you'll love yourself like I love you."
He enclosed her in a hug as she sobbed into his chest. "Shh, it's alright babe." He comforted her, rubbing her back with his hand. "You wanna know something? You are the perfect weight so don't think you're overweight just because other girls are thinner than you. Don't ever compare yourself to other girls because you will always find fault in yourself. Those crinkles? They make you look even more beautiful when you smile. As for the scars, they're proof you went through a battle and survived hell. You're not ugly, you're the most beautiful girl I've ever known. You are most definitely not worthless, you have the most amazing character and qualities and you have so much good to give this world. As for why I love you, every single reason I just gave you? That's why. You're the strongest, most amazing person I've ever known. Yes, you've been through hell but you went through it and came out alive. I will forever love you, no matter the scars or the bruises. " His voice cracked a little and he felt his heart break even more. A tear trickled down his cheek and he wiped it away. "I know you never want to know how much you weigh and you still have to squeeze into your jeans, but you're perfect to me. All these little things add up to you. I'm in love with you and all these little things."
Kayo sniffed and wiped her eyes. "Thank you." she said
"You're welcome. Never forget that you're a gorgeous, flawless girl. I love you so much. Forever and always." He leaned down and gently kissed her forehead as he pulled her into a loving embrace and rocked her back and forth as she sniffled into his chest. "You're amazing and beautiful. Nothing will ever change that."
She wrapped her arms around his chest and embraced him. "Love you."
"And I love you more." He pressed a kiss onto her hair. "Are you okay now?"
She nodded and gave him a small smile, before getting up.
"Good. " He got up and passed her the sweater that was lying on the bed "Come on, lets go grab lunch before Grandma comes looking for us."
"Grandma made lunch?" Kayo asked.
Scott nodded and laughed at Kayo's grimace. "Let's hope its not that bad." he said as they walked out of the door, hand in hand.
