Trigger warnings: language, graphic death, child death, suicidal themes*, mentions of suicide, attempted suicide, torture, graphic blood and gore, possible mention of sexual assault, and sexual themes.
I talked with my spouse (who is editing this for me) and decided to list all of the triggers at the start of each chapter.
"I did not intend to die and I did not want to die."
Chapter 2
With the pull of the triggers, Addie expected blood splatter and dead bodies crumbling like ragdolls. Not those… things. Not beings that materialized and took humanoid forms that absolutely decimated the shambling, skittering, tentacled thing by using lighting and ice to shatter it into tiny pieces that all crumbled into dust as if that unholy monstrosity had never existed in the first place. Nor did she expect the woman, all elegant nonchalance, to walk up to the tentacle spawn and literally dice it to pieces with her rapier as if it was nothing. The woman seemed completely unbothered by the soft thuds of flesh hitting the ground as she cleaned black-red blood off her rapier like it was no big deal.
"What… the… fuck…"
Addie just stood there, frozen in shock right by the sarcastic guy who apparently owned knives and had no issues using them. Neither did the athletic guy, come to think of it.
"Is, is that like the thing that you used?"
She saw the athlete lean over to the redheaded guy and the tension in her shoulders dropped just barely because, thank fuck she wasn't the only one who saw that. The older man, in that white suit that was somehow still a pristine white and looking like some mob boss or something, started walking away as the woman joined him.
"You six, come with us."
The man suddenly addressing them startled her enough to make her jump. No one said anything and the two kept walking, though they slowed down. The athlete- shit, names. She didn't know their names- shifted as if he wanted to follow them but glanced at the rest of them.
"I think we should listen to him." He didn't sound completely certain himself, though. "Everybody good?"
Addie looked around for a second before nodding. "S-sure."
If these people could get her out of this hellscape, she would follow them. Everyone else apparently agreed but no one moved.
"C'mon guys. Let's go. Unless," he paused, scanning the darker areas around them, "unless you want to come across another shadow."
They all moved. She wasn't sure what a 'shadow' was but the way he emphasized it meant it was nothing good. That plus the 'another' comment? She shuddered and hunched into her hoodie- god it reeked now and she really needed a shower to get everything out of her hair and off of her skin and oh god, would she ever feel clean again after this?- because that meant that the tentacle thing that had killed someone -oh god she had watched someone die, had watched their head explode, had their head explode on her and now she was coVERED-
A hand settled on her shoulder and she jolted, heart hammering in her throat.
"Hey, easy there. Slow breaths now. Focus on your breathing."
The hand had a glove and it wasn't the red of the guy in the suit so that meant it was a student, the one who summoned that blur of orange and black with a roar of wind. She breathed, in and out, nice and slow, and trying to ignore the cloying smell of iron in the air, of old decaying-. She shook her head, cutting off that train of thought and came back to herself, calmer but in no way calm. The hand on her shoulder was gone and he was walking just enough in front of her but in between her and the two people comfortable with this hellish reality.
"...those things and how did you fight them?"
The athletic guy must have started asking questions while she had started to panic.
"We will explain that later. Right now-" This was the first time the woman actually spoke to them and her voice was as cool and elegant as she looked. "-we are going to get you kids to the dorm we are watching over."
Maybe they were RAs, though they'd be stretching that and they did not look like students, not with that easy self-confidence and nonchalance, that air of elegance that most people ever dreamed of being able to achieve. She couldn't really imagine either of these people being in charge of a dorm hall, except perhaps at a boarding school with uniforms and rules aplenty. They left the campus, passed vehicles frozen on bloody roads with windshields and windows reflecting that horrid yellow moon, until they stood before a two story house that somehow was not completely ominous in the sickening light. The woman, apparently, had a different definition of dorm than they did. The redhead seemed to be checking the place out but her hands started shaking so she shoved them in her hoodie- the dirty, wet, bloody, STOP- and wrapped them up in the excess material to try to get them to just stop shaking.
"Okay. We're at a dorm." The athlete was talking, seemed like he was good at the talking bit, at trying to get answers, better than her. "Now please tell us what we just experienced."
She stared at her feet, at the ground, don't look at her hoodie, don't pay attention to the off-color splotches of-
A lock, a door lock, clicked.
"Come on inside and we'll talk."
She heard the door open, heard the heels clicking on tile then mute- carpet, then- followed by someone walking in, the athletic guy maybe since he'd been at the front. But then her shaking had spread from her hands to her legs when she tried to walk and someone caught her when she stumbled, kept her from hitting the ground, helped her get steady before she started walking again; she wasn't sure who but probably not the only other girl -no leather jacket- or the sarcastic guy, the athletic guy or the white haired guy -no hoodie but the three of them all had hoodies, she noticed earlier on- so it was the redhead with one glove. If she could calm down enough to think straight, think clearly and not spiral down down down, she would thank him because suddenly she noticed that her legs were no longer shaking so severely because she was sitting on a couch and she didn't remember walking into the dorm-house-place to begin with. Focus, focus, she needed to focus, breathe- she bit her tongue and her head began quieting down.
"-aren't here to hurt you. My name is Mitsuru and the gentleman here is Akihiko."
She blinked, everything sliding back into focus and noticed the athlete sitting on one couch facing the woman- Mitsuru, she'd need to remember their names- who sat on another. Which made three couches with only three people sitting so that meant everyone else was standing. The TV hanging on the wall was angled just right so that she could see the door behind her. The red head leaned on the wall just by the door, and the sarcastic guy mimicked him on the other side while the other two just stood there.
"What about the things that appeared and killed the 'shadow'? Do they have names?"
God, he sounded more exhausted now than when they were walking. Her eyes flicked from the reflection to Mitsuru. From the corner of her eye, she saw the athlete lean forward before the woman had a chance to speak.
"Yeah. Tell us what happened and why we were a part of it?"
Her hands were still shaking in her lap. "And what… what happened to that kid?"
Akihiko, suit jacket tossed over his shoulder, pushed off the wall he was leaning on, patting the woman on the shoulder.
"I'm going to go put on some coffee and fix up some cinnamon rolls for the kids. Have fun, Mitsuru."
She blinked because that was a wonderfully executed escape if she ever saw one -she needed to use that on her friends sometime- and the kitchen he walked into was just beautiful. Mitsuru's sigh pulled her back.
"The things we use to combat them are called Persona. They are quite literally a piece of your subconscious."
Um. What?
"...And shooting yourself in the head brings them out..?"
Mitsuru waved off the athlete's skepticism. "It's an easier way to bring one out. Otherwise, you are left with a lingering exhaustion after just one summoning."
Oh. That would explain- her eyes flicked to the reflection of the redhead in the TV and came back to the center of the room.
"How do you do it?"
The brown haired athlete wasn't actually asking a question, body tense and leaning slightly forward with interest. Mitsuru's response was a gun on the table, the same one Addie had watched the woman put to her head.
"There are no bullets. You put the gun to your head and the act of accepting death by pulling the trigger pulls the Persona out."
For a moment, there was silence.
"There was a voice in my head…" Addie's eyes flicked to the redhead's reflection as he spoke. "It asked me if I wanted power to follow my conviction. If I shoot myself with that gun, will I be able to use that power again?"
There was a determined look in his eyes, eyes that were more than likely focused on the gun on the table. Mitsuru looked him over from her seat on the couch.
"So you were able to get one out of your own power. Explains why you look so pale and weak right now."
Harsh, but there was the confirmation that the blur was the same as the beings Mitsuru and Akihiko summoned, that it wasn't a one off.
"So we don't need our own gun? If I take that gun and shoot myself, then can I use one of those persona things you mentioned to fight?"
Mitsuru gave a slight shrug as her gaze turned to the only other person sitting down. "You might be able to get one out, or nothing might happen. The fact that you are functioning right now means you have the capability of summoning one, but are you willing and ready to accept your death is the question."
Addie tried not to flinch. It'd barely been a year-
"Are we gonna get attacked and are others gonna die again?"
"Yes." Her tone was very straightforward. "That is likely. If you are awake for one Dark Hour, then you will be awake for them all."
"If it means being able to protect somebody then I can do it."
Well, there's another person gung-ho for all this.
"Dark Hour?"
Addie stared at the gun, barely registering Mitsuru's response.
"It is a fragment of time that exists between 11:59:59 and midnight."
"How? How do you even know about this? And how are you so calm about it?!" Her voice cracked, hands shaking again and tremors creeping up her arms.
Mitsuru turned her full gaze on her for the first time. "We have been doing things like this for a long time. I currently run a company known as The Kirijo Group. We make weapons that are used to fight the shadows."
Addie abruptly sank back into the couch cushions, hands gripping each other while forcing her legs to try to remain still. That was a hard gaze to not wilt under.
"We need to be able to summon our own pers-"
Her gaze shifted to the athlete, the one pushing for more. "No. In due time. You force it now and you will go insane."
There was something in those words, just the tiniest bit of inflection, that implied something personal. Though whether the others heard it, Addie wasn't quite sure.
"If we are gonna have to do this again then I need to be ready next time." His hand landed on the table, supporting his weight as he leaned forward and half-crouching over the coffee table. "Train me. Please."
"Could we get some of those weapons?"
The sarcastic guy drifted forward, leaning on the side of the couch, eyes moving from the gun to the woman who leaned back and moved her gaze over all of them in the room.
"You," she looked right at the athlete, "will get a chance to do something." Her eyes shifted to the guy leaning on the couch. "We will make sure you are equipped before you are out in this again."
"I second the weapons motion. I am adept at kendo; a sword would be useful."
If she hadn't seen the redhead's reflection in the screen move, the proximity of his voice would have made her jump.
"As I said, you will get your chance. For now, this will be your new residence. We will have your things moved here in the morning."
"Are- Are there other options besides actual fighting? I've never been good at anything physical. I want to help but…" Face flushed, Addie bit her lip and looked down at her hands, the shaking visible through her hoodie.
"We will work with you." Her tone wasn't unkind, almost gentle really. "You remind me of a previous teammate of mine, so I have some ideas."
"What do you mean 'new residence'?" The sarcastic kid's tone took on a slightly defensive quality. "I live alone and like it that way."
Addie blinked and the words registered as she looked up.
"I have stuff to do in the mornings, but if you train me then I will have no problem living here. What do we do now?"
She'd been focused initially on the fighting and weapons but a new residence? "Wait, you're having us move in here?"
The kitchen was to die for….
"Well now that you are awake during the Dark Hour, do you really want to wake up alone and with one of those things staring at you?"
The silence was answer enough.
"Now. As for the question about the other student, was he touched or grabbed by a shadow?"
"He was grabbed." The other girl answered, arms crossed and leaning on the wall. "Grabbed by about 5 tentacles."
"Then that means he was possessed by the shadow."
"What do you mean possessed?"
Mitsuru's expression darkened slightly. "The shadow left a piece of itself that crawled inside of him, took control of him, then likely killed him, turning him into a shadow."
Addie's brain flashed back to writhing skin, begging eyes.
"But what about him in the normal world?"
She felt warm, wet, thick drops rolling down her face, her back, her neck.
"He's gone."
She saw the black-red ooze streaming from his eyes, his face-
"So what, people are gonna wonder what happened to him and he's just gonna wind up as a missing person's report? What about the people in the coffins?"
-splashing all over her hands, her face, her hair!
"Not exactly. When the other people wake up they will have no idea what happened and anyone that disappears during the Dark Hour is forgotten about by those not awake during the Dark Hour."
There was blood in her hair, on her hands, on her face-
"So were the only ones that will remember him?"
-oh god she needed to get it off-
"Essentially."
-getitoffgetitoffgetitoff-! Someone put their hands on her shoulders, a voice whispering and reminding her to breathe, to focus, deep breaths.
"Is it going to happen every night or do certain things make it happen?"
Slow breaths, in and out.
"It usually stops after certain conditions are met."
Focus on the couch, what you feel.
"For that night or for good?"
Breathe.
"If there is a way to stop it, why are you guys still involved?" He wasn't whispering now, but talking. Right. Focus, listen.
"If we can figure out why it is being caused, then we can stop it for good in a certain area. This is what we do."
"I will fight. I would rather not die to one of those things." His gloved hand was on her shoulder, and then it was gone.
"Who else is in?" The athlete looked around at them, stopping on the sarcastic guy leaning on the couch. "What about you?"
"Dude. Why single me out? I already asked about procuring weapons so obviously I'm in"
He shrugged. "The girl already said she isn't good at fighting but would try. I said I'm in, he said he's in. You hadn't actually said what you were going to do." He looked back at the white haired guy and the other girl. "And you guys haven't said anything at all."
The other girl raised an eyebrow. "Well you sure talk big."
The white haired teen just shrugged. "She's not wrong."
"So. What are everyone's names? I'm not the most sociable person but I'd at least like to know who I'm stuck in this nightmare with. I'm Alistair Redgrave."
Alistair, redhead with the glove; Addie tucked the information away.
"Ken." White haired guy.
"Lisa, older sister to this idiot." The other girl.
"Adelaide, but I prefer Addie." Her hands weren't shaking as much, thank god.
"Trevor." The sarcastic guy.
"I'm Rory." The athlete.
Suddenly, Akihiko set down a tray of mugs filled with coffee on the table, with creamer, sugar and a platter of cinnamon rolls.
"Good to see everyone getting along." He grabbed a mug and passed another to Mitsuru. "Eat up. There's more in the kitchen."
Ken immediately snatched up a mug and cinnamon roll as Addie grabbed a mug for herself, dumping plenty of cream and sugar into hers.
"Thank you." At least for the moment, her hands weren't shaking bad enough to spill the coffee as she downed her mug.
Trevor just shook his head, standing up and stepping away from the cousin he was leaning on. "I'm not really hungry. Just saw a guy's fucking head explode and grow tentacles."
Addie winced and gripped her mug, looking down.
Akihiko looked at Trevor over the rim of his own mug as he relaxed on the couch next to Mitsuru. "Food is good for you and the coffee helps keep ya going. But, if this is your first time you've been in an experience like this, I can't blame you."
"I feel like shit honestly. Hopefully a cup of coffee can help set me straight." Alistair grabbed his own mug, making it light and sweet as he leans on the side of the couch by Addie. "So thanks."
She heard Trevor scoff. "Yes this is the first time I've seen someone's fucking head explode. I don't understand how you psychopaths are sipping piss water and munching cinnamon rolls."
Addie flinched and set her mug down, hands starting to shake again.
"The same way that police can also eat donuts and drink coffee."
Holy shit, what Addie wouldn't give to be as unflappable as Mitsuru was right now. But she could try, right?
"Look, I'm pretty sure I'm not gonna be able to sleep tonight after," she took a steadying breath as she clenched her hands in an attempt to stop their shaking, "after what I-we saw. So I might as well stay awake and prepare for my classes."
"Classes? Fucking classes?! We are in an alternate dimension with shadow tentacle monsters and suicidal people that summon perso-whatevers. I don't know if y'all are in shock or something but this shit isn't okay. None of this should be happening!"
Alistair straightened up, face still showing signs of exhaustion as he faced Trevor. "An alternate dimension that no one else is aware of. Yeah, it's pretty fucked up. But we're here. If I wake up tomorrow and don't remember any of this, I'll make a killing writing a book. But if this isn't a nightmare, then I would rather not die."
Lisa dropped on to the opposite end of the couch that Addie was on, face drawn and pale as she slowly drank her own coffee while her brother sat on the arm of the couch, just as pale as Lisa.
Alistair continued on. "I pulled a giant fucking monster out of my mind to save a man then watched his head explode and try to kill us right after. Not easy but at least we are all in one piece."
Addie looked down and spoke up with a quiet, tired voice. "Pardon me for attempting to forget that I've had someone's head explode all over me." The tremors and shaking in her hands was starting to get worse, again. "I'm only here on scholarship so I have to worry about classes and grades."
Fuck, her hands just wouldn't stop shaking.
"School and a normal life are good things to keep up with. Go to class, make friends, go on dates, all that stuff." Mitsuru almost sounded like she was speaking from experience, maybe.
"Tch. I'd rather just fight monsters."
"I agree with Trevor." Alistair ran his bare hand down his face. "I'm sorry. I feel like I'm going to pass out. Where are the bedrooms?"
Akihiko pointed towards the hallway leading out of the living room and the stairs at the beginning of the hall.
"There are plenty of rooms for you each to have one to yourselves. Guys' rooms are upstairs, as are the guys' showers. Ladies, your rooms are down that hallway with your showers as well."
Trevor walked off immediately but Akihiko continued on.
"Everyone get some rest and I'll see you in the morning. There are spare clothes of varying sizes in each room so feel free to use them. We will get you guys outfitted for the Dark Hour tomorrow night."
Addie just nodded, sitting for a moment longer as the others went towards their respective floors.
"Addie," she looked up to see Mitsuru standing in front of her, face a little softer than it'd been all evening. "Pick a room and I'll bring you clothes from it. Showers are down the hall and to the left. You'll feel a little better."
She nodded again and made her way down the hall, dropping her bag in the first room on the right which just so happened to be right across from the showers. By the time she finally went to bed, it was an hour later with skin pink from hot water and vigorous scrubbing in an attempt to scrub the sensation of something off of her skin.