You thought it was Battle Planet, but it was really me, Gravity Falls!
All joking aside, I'm going to be trying to stick to a new upload schedule. Battle Planet on Mondays and Tuesdays, Gravity Falls on Wednesdays, Tamers on Thursdays, and then use random . org for Friday. And no, do not take that joke as confirmation I'll do Jojo's Bizarre Adventure. That line is the only thing I have ever heard of it, excluding the title. And I don't plan on watching it. But, that's beside the point. Enjoy the next chapter of Gravity Falls!
Well, I tried to save Tyrone, but failed. I need to get slightly faster. Maybe I could go back to Bakugan and get some lessons from Shun? I don't know, I should probably stay here for now.
Stan was sitting in traffic, honking at everybody to get a move on. Cassie sat in the front seat, thinking. Dipper and Mable sat in the back, eating some snacks when Mable got an idea. She grabbed two of the chips and attached them to her ears. "Haha! Nacho Earrings! I'm hilarious!"
"That's debatable." Grumbled Stan. "Ah, come on!" Stan honked again. "What's with all this traffic?! And why is it all" Stan looked closely at what was causing the jam, and focused in on some carriages. "Covered Wagons?" Stan paused for a moment, then gasped. "Oh no! No no!" He looked to either side, seeing more wagons. He quickly shifted into reverse to try and pull out, and quickly turned around. "Not today! Not Today!" Some people walked in front of Stan's car, and he suddenly put on the brakes. The women in front of them spoke out of shock, but Stan looked back to try and back up again. He didn't see anyone, and gunned it.
"Grunkle Stan, what's going on?" Asked Dipper.
"We gotta get out of here, before it's too late!" Answered Stan. Some wagons got in his way, and Stan had to stop. "They circled the wagons. We're trapped! Noooo!" Mabel looked at a cow that was next to the car. She turned back to Dipper.
"I've got a good feeling about today."
Strange things taking place
Nowhere to hide, nowhere is safe.
Weirdness is in every case.
But our smarts combined
will solve every puzzle faced.
That is a guarantee!
Mable tapped Cassie's shoulder. "Huh?" Cassie looked back. "What's up?"
"We're going to go explore! Come on!" Mable opened her door and got out, followed by Dipper. Cassie turned to Stan.
"You going to be okay?"
"Yes. No. Maybe?"
"I'll go watch them. You get your bearings back." Cassie stepped out of the car. Dipper looked around a bit and began walking, followed by Mable and Cassie.
"Man, look at the town." Dipper pulled out an image of the town and compared it to what he saw. It looked a lot browner to all three of them, then the coloring moved.
"Dirty glass, we've got dirty glass. Dirty glass." Stan walked up behind the three.
"Oh boy, it's pioneer day. Every year these yahoos dress up like idiots to celebrate the day Gravity Falls was founded. Toby walked up.
"Welcome to 1863!" Stan rolled up his sleeve.
"I will break you little man!" Toby ran away and crashed into a barrel. He got up and continued running. Mable looked to the side and saw an interesting booth. "Oh wow! Candle dipping!"
"Whoa! Gold panning!" Said Dipper.
"I now pronounce you man and wife." Said a man helping a reenactment.
"I do!" Said the 'groom'.
"Whatchu talkin about?" Asked Mable.
"Oh yeah, I remember this." Said Dipper, pulling out his journal. He opened it up and began flipping through it. "In Gravity Falls it used to be legal to marry woodpeckers." The man walked up.
"Oh, it's still legal. Very legal."
"Come one and all for the opening ceremonies!" Called an announcer. The man walked off and Stan walked up.
"Grunkle Stan!" Called Mable. "You comin'?"
"No thank you!" Said Stan. "Just remember, if you come back to the shack talking like these people, you're dead to me!"
"Thar's a carpetbagger in the turnip cellar!" Mocked DIpper.
"Well horbe swaggle my habersack!" Added Mable. They both spit on the ground, then ran off.
"Dead to me!" Yelled Stan.
"It could be worse." Said Cassie. "You could be talking like that."
Stan sighed. "Yeah, I guess there's that. But still! They're dead to me, at least for today!"
"I'm going to go watch after them. You do whatever it is that you do when you get caught in here." Cassie walked with Dipper and Mable as Sheriff Blubs began talking.
"Here ye, here ye! Ye olde commencement ceremony is about to commence!" Durland ran on, ringing his bell.
"Wooooo! I got a bell!" He rang it again. Someone in the crowd grabbed a bag from an elderly lady.
"Oh no! Police! My purse!" Neither officer moved for a moment.
"Ring ring! Ring ring!" Said Durland, ringing his bell. "Woo!" Blubs laughed.
"He sure loves his bell." Dipper, Mable and Cassie worked their way to the front as Pacifica walked up to the mic. She tapped it a few times.
"Howdy everyone! You all know me, Pacifica Northwest, great-great granddaughter of town founder, Nathaniel Northwest." She gestured to the statue. "I'm also very rich." Everybody clapped, except for Dipper, Mable and Cassie. "Now, if you've got the pioneer spirit, we ask you to come on up and introduce yourselves!"
Mable gasped. "Audience Participation!"
"I dunno Mable, isn't that girl kinda like you arch enemy?" Asked Dipper.
"You're not far off." Said Cassie.
"That's water under the bridge." Said Mable. She ran up to the stage.
"Our first newcomer is" started Pacifica, turning to Mable. "Mable." She said quietly, darkly.
"Yeah!" Said Mable. "Let's get this Pioneer Day Started!" She put her hands to her cheeks and blew out, making a noise. "Right guys? USA! USA! USA!"
"USA!" Reciprocated the audience. "USA!"
"USA!" Said someone, crying. "USA!"
"I'm sorry to break it to you," said Pacifica, "but Pioneer Day is for serious people. And you look and act ridiculous. I mean, a puppy playing basketball? Are you always this silly?" Mable looked at her sweater, then pulled it up to hide the image.
"Hey, I can be serious!" Mable attempted to make a serious face.
"You do have nachos hanging from your ears, hun." Pacifica noted. Mable looked at them, then covered them with her hands. "Hehe, wow, I'm embarrassed for you." She looked to the audience. "Give her a hand everybody!" The audience clapped, except for Dipper and Cassie. Mable looked down, seeming about to cry. She started to walk off. "Now who wants to hear more about me?!" Dipper scowled towards Pacifica, then ran to the side to find Mable. Cassie stayed for a moment longer before following.
"Scuse me." Toby grabbed his camera and the Northwests posed.
"Everyone say Northwest!" Said Pacifica.
"Northwest!" Said the Northwests. The image was taken and Pacifica laughed. "We're perfect." Mable continued walking away as Dipper caught up to her.
"Hey, you okay?"
"I need some old timey butterscotch." Cassie caught up.
"I got some. Here." She handed Mable a piece, who put it into her mouth quickly.
"Let's get out of here." Said Dipper. The three of them continued walking.
Stan was trying to drive, but getting nowhere. His wheels just kept staying in the mud as he tried to rock the car. Someone walked past with a donkey. "Hey there, uh, donkey boy. Give me a hand with my car, huh?" The man just looked at him.
"Here in 1863, I have never heard tell of a 'car'. Pray tell, what is this magic wheel box." He tapped it with a stick.
"Agh! Come on Steve! You're a mechanic for pete's sake! Cut me some slack!"
"Slack." Said Steve, saying it slowly. "I am unfamiliar with this bold, new expression."
"I can't take this anymore!" Said Stan, grabbing Steve's shirt. "I'm getting dumber every second I'm here!" Blubs and Durland ran up.
"Are we gonna have to intervene here?" Asked Blubs.
"Oh look." Said Stan. "The constable. What are you gonna do? Throw me in ye stocks?!" Stan laughed. Blubs and Durland looked at each other, then opened Stan's door. "Hey, wait! I was just kidding!" The two pulled him out of his car and began dragging him. "Hey! Wait! I know my rights! You can't do this!"
"It's 1863. Your rights as you know them don't exist yet." Said Blubs. The two dragged him to the stock and threw him on, closing it around him.
"Aw come on!" Yelled Stan. Gideon walked by humming. "Hey! Nice outfit Gideon! You actually look less girly than usual!" Stan laughed.
"Why Stanford, I'm just a humble tomato farmer selling his wares." Gideon grabbed a tomato. "Whoops, I dropped one." He threw it at Stan's left eye. "Whoops. I dropped another one." Gideon repeated what he had just done, except to Stan's right eye. Stan began growling.
"Pioneer Day!"
Dipper and Mable sat on the steps of Nathaniel Northwest's statue, looking down. Cassie came up with a small bag of candy, which she handed off to them. Mable grabbed a piece. "Hey, you guys okay?"
"No." Mumbled Mable. She ate the piece of candy she had. "Dipper, can I ask you something? Do you think I'm silly?" Mable looked at him from the corner of her eye.
"Uh, no?" Said Dipper, clearly lying.
"Ugh! I knew it!" Claimed Mable, hanging her head. "The nacho earrings, the sweater, I thought I was being charming! But I guess people see me as a big joke." Mable grabbed the chips that were hanging on her ears, and threw them away. She then took her sweater off and tied it around her waist.
"Mable, being silly isn't bad." Said Cassie. "In most cases, it's what's needed most."
"Well it sure doesn't feel like it." Argued Mable, grabbing another piece of candy. Dipper looked at her worriedly.
"Come on Mable, you love that sweater!"
"I did before Pacifica ruined it for me. She ruins everything!"
"Pacifica!" Said Dipper, before he turned to the statue. Cassie shook her head.
"She may ruin everything, but she's vital to the salvation of this town. Don't read between the lines yet, just know that for right now, she's a rich brat." Dipper thought of something.
"Why does she think that just because she's related to the town founder that she gets to treat everyone like garbage? Someone needs to take her down a peg!" Dipper sat back down, and gasped. "Wait a minute!" He pulled out the journal. "I feel like I read something about Pacifica's great great grandfather before." He began flipping through the pages.
"Things aren't always as they seem." Said Cassie. "Should be page 206."
"Found it!" Said Dipper. "Of course!" He showed Mable the page. "Oh this is perfect!" Dipper cleared his throat, then began reading in his best old man voice. "In my investigations" he turned to Mable. "Sho-should I do the voice?" Mable shook her head. "Eh, I'll just read, normal. Uh, in my investigations, I recently made a discovery. Nathaniel Northwest may not be the founder of Gravity Falls! I believe the proof of this secret is buried somewhere on the enclosed document." Dipper grabbed the taped document off the page. "If only I could crack the code." Dipper put the journal down and opened the document. Looking at it, he saw a lot of symbols, and a triangle with an eye. "Oh man, if this cover up is true, it means Pacifica's whole family is a fraud!" Dipper turned to Mable. "This could be a major conspiracy!"
"Really?" Asked Mable. Dipper stood up.
"I gotta investigate this!" Mable grabbed his shoulder.
"Wait, I'm coming with you! Because conspiracies are serious, right?"
"Oh yeah, definitely!"
"Well if I help you crack this code, then no one could call me silly again!"
"Yeah! Mystery Twins?" Dipper held out his fist.
"I thought you hated that?" Asked Mable.
"I'm starting to accept it." Mable hit his fist with her own. Cassie then did the same.
"Wherever you two go, I go." She said. "Not the Mystery Twins, but the Mystery Trio." Dipper smiled.
"Okay, whatever it takes!" He ran off. Mable grabbed the bag of candy and followed, eating one as she went. Cassie shook her head and grabbed one of the ones Mable dropped, unwrapping it as she followed. She then turned back for a moment.
"Sheriff Blubs, I know you're there." She taunted, before continuing to follow. Sheriff Blubs grabbed his radio.
"This is Sheriff Blubs, we've got a code CEPIA!"
On the other end of the line, the person responding to Blubs's call spit out his coffee. "What!? And what are you doing about it?!"
"I'm following them right now!"
"Find them and stop them! There's no room for error!"
"I understand! Blubs out!" Blubs turned off his radio and looked up. "Deputy Durland, maintaining this cover-up is the mission we've been training for our entire careers! Are you ready?" Durland rang his bell.
"Woooo!"
"Heh heh, if being delightful was a crime, you'd be breaking the law."
"Let's go get them!" The two started running.
Down at the library, McGucket was reading a book to some kids. "Back in the olden days, pioneers drew sustenance from telling stories around the fire. So let's eat some books, children! Go ahead, eat the books!" He slapped his knee, then began eating the book he was holding. In another section of the library, Dipper was looking at the notes he had while facing a picture of Nathaniel Northwest.
"Alright Mable, Cassie, if we can prove that Nathaniel Northwest wasn't the founder of Gravity Falls, it'll finally put Pacifica in her place!" Dipper turned to Mable and Cassie.
"And solving a mystery will prove that I'm not silly!" Said Mable. "I'm serious!" She glared at the book in her hands, then leaned down to grab a piece of candy with her tongue.
"Whatever you guys are trying to prove here, take it slow, okay?" Asked Cassie. "The clues are scattered everywhere, and will require a lot of action, okay?"
"Serious!" Hissed Mable. Dipper grabbed a few projector pictures and put them in their respective projector.
"We just need to crack this code." He grabbed the document. "Let me see." He turned on the projector, bringing up Egyptian Hieroglyphics. "It's not Egyptian." He changed the slide. "It's not numerology. It's not wait! Of course! The triangle is the alchemist symbol for flame! Lighting the parchment on fire will reveal the secret message!"
"It's so obvious!" Said Mable. Dipper put the document down and grabbed a candle.
"Dipper, are you sure about your conclusion?" Asked Cassie.
"Yes, I am. Let's just light this sucker up and" he turned to where the document was, only to see that Mable had it, "Mable!" She had folded it into a paper hat, and was wearing it.
"Womp! I just made a hat!" She pointed at it, then realized what happened. "Ugh! I just did something silly again!" She blew her tongue.
"Wait, Mable, you folded it into a map!" Exclaimed Dipper. Dipper held the candle up to it to get a better look. He looked at the candle. "And I was gonna burn it!"
"Like I said, are you sure of our conclusions?"
"We're on the lookout for three kids who might be reading." The three turned to see Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland talking to the librarian.
"We're hunting them down for secret reasons! Woooo!" Durland rang his bell. Dipper and Mable his under the table as Cassie slid herself behind a bookshelf. Durland knocked some books off a shelf before the two ran off to look. Dipper turned to Mable.
"Maybe we should take this elsewhere." Mable took off her hat.
"This map should lead us to" the three quickly made their way out of the library, avoiding Blubs and Durland. When they were able to, they started following the map, leading them to their next destination. "The Gravity Falls Museum of History." Mable read.
"You realize what this means, Mable." Said Dipper, forebodingly. "We're gonna have to break in."
"If by break in, you mean go inside for the free passes, then yes." Said Cassie.
"Do you have to ruin every intense moment I make?" Complained Dipper. The three went inside.
"And there are you free Pioneer Day passes." Said the woman working. "And your balloons." She handed Dipper and Mable a blue and pink balloon, respectively. "Blue and pink."
"We're in!" Said Dipper, the same way he talked before. Cassie sighed and shook her head, then reluctantly followed Dipper and Mable as they went through the building.
"What are we gonna do next?" Asked Mable. "Steal Thomas Jefferson's ribcage?" Dipper turned to her.
"Ew! No!"
"I doubt it's even here." Said Cassie. Dipper looked at the document again.
"According to the map, the next clue about the real town founder should be right," he lowered the document, "here!" He looked at a strangely shaped stone tablet. Mable and Cassie came up soon after, taking looks themselves. "We'll have to figure this out one quick, I have a feeling those cops weren't at the library to check out books."
"Jee, ya think?" Asked Cassie.
"I don't think the one with the bell can read." Said Mable. The group turned back to the tablet.
"So what is it, anyway?" Asked Dipper. Dipper and Mable stared at it while Cassie sat down on the bench behind them.
"Remember what I said before." She mentioned. "The clues require a lot of action." Mable got bored of looking at it, and sat down next to Cassie. She leaned on the bench, before she pulled her feet up.
"Hm." She mumbled. "Hey painting!" She said as she leaned further over, going upside down. "Be less stupid!" Mable gasped. "It worked!" Dipper turned to her, and rushed over. Cassie stood up.
"All yours." Dipper got into the same position as Mable and saw the tablet for what it really was, an angel holding a book and pointing.
"Wait! It's not abstract! It's upside down!"
"I think I've seen that statue in the cemetery!" Exclaimed Mable. The two got off the bench.
"Let's go, quick!" Said Dipper. They both started wobbling around as their brains got resettled. "Head rush!"
"Let's move!" Said Cassie.
"I'm sorry, but we're all out of pink balloons."
"Why did we even come?" Asked Durland. Blubs's radio sounded.
"Officer Blubs." Both Blubs and Durland ran to the wall, and Blubs answered his radio.
"Blubs here."
"Have the targets been apprehended?"
"Negative. But we're close. I promise, those kids will never get past us!" Dipper and Mable ran past Blubs and Durland, followed closely by Cassie, who turned to them and winked. Blubs gasped as they passed. "Hey! Wait!" They gave chase, only to get stuck in the door when they both tried to go through at the same time. Blubs watched them get away. "Dang it!"
The woodpecker pecked the table. "For the last time," said the man, "we are not going south for the winter! Our home is here!" The woodpecker pecked again. "You always say that!" The man left his house and stormed past Stan, who was trying to free himself with a bobby pin.
"Come on, come on!" He reached as far as could, then dropped it from his mouth. "Ugh!" Someone reached down to grab it, and Stan found himself face to face with Pacifica.
"Well, if it isn't Mable's uncle, Mr. Pines!" She held out the pin. "Looking for this?"
"Yeah yeah, what do you want, money?"
"I want you to say that the Northwest family is the best family in Gravity Falls."
"Oh sure, you want that in writing?" Pacifica put a pen in Stan's mouth and held a notebook up to his face. Stan wrote something. "Thre we go." He mumbled around the pen. Pacifica read what it said, unamused, while Stan laughed. "I did that with my mouth!" Pacifica whistled, and several townsfolk who had just grabbed tomatoes turned to her. She gestured to Stan, and the townsfolk took aim. They slowly walked closer.
"Aw come on!" Yelled Stan.
Mable, Dipper, and Cassie looked at the statue curiously. Dipper thought rationally. "The statue must be pointing to the next clue." He looked around, trying to find it.
"Dipper, have you noticed a pattern with these clues yet?" Asked Cassie.
"Aw gross!" Said Mable. Dipper and Cassie turned to her. "She's picking my nose!" Mable had put the statue's finger in her nose. She began laughing, and made the finger move. The grave under the statue retracted, revealing a staircase. Dipper looked down.
"Mable! Look!"
"Ha! Who's silly now, Pacifica?" Mable brought her fist and hand together. "Bam!" She tried to move, only to remember that her nose was still on the statue's finger. "Ah! Ow, ow!" She got herself off. "Okay!" She jumped down to follow Dipper, followed closely behind by Cassie.
"Watch your step guys, it gets really dark down here." The three slowly made their way down the steps.
"Now we're getting into real conspiracy mode!" Said Mabel. "I feel so serious!" She took out another piece of candy and opened it, before tossing it in her mouth and throwing the wrapper behind her. The group made it to the bottom of the steps, and Mable looked around. Cassie held a second flashlight to assist Dipper's.
"Okay, look bour for booby traps." He said. Mable laughed.
"Ha, booby traps." Mable stepped on a raised stone, and it sunk into the ground. A dart embedded itself in the wall in front of them.
"Their name may be funny, but they're extremely dangerous." Explained Cassie. Suddenly, a barrage of them came out of the wall.
"Tranquilizer darts!" Exclaimed Dipper. He and Mable ducked under them as they came while Cassie took a few steps back to avoid them. Dipper and Mable ran through the gauntlet, avoiding all of them, while Cassie took a second and waited for them to stop. Dipper tipped over a stone, sending him and Mable down a long chute.
"I'll catch up guys!" Called Cassie. "Don't worry about me!" The dart launchers started petering out, and Cassie started walking.
"Not so fast." Cassie turned around to see Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland. "We've got you now!"
Dipper and Mable slid down a smooth, stone slide, ending with them breaking through a spider web. They both picked themselves up and looked around the new room. Mable picked up a few pages. "It's a treasure trove of historicy, secrety things." She looked at the papers she had grabbed to see strange images of former presidents and other important people. "Oh man! Ben Franklin secretly was a woman!"
"Hey, jackpot!" Said Dipper, spying a folder. He walked up to it. "Now we'll find out who the real town founder was!" He flipped open the file. "Let it be here recorded that Nathaniel Northwest, fabled founder of Gravity Falls, was in fact a fraud! As well as a, waste shovelling village idiot?" Dipper began laughing. "Oh, bad news for Pacifica!" He turned to Mable. "Wait 'till the papers hear about this!"
"Once people see that I uncovered a historical conspiracy, they could never call me silly!" Dipper looked back at the documents.
"The true founder of Gravity Falls was Sir Lord Quneton Trembly the Third Esquire."
"Who's Quinton Trembly?" Asked Mable. The two were blinded my another flashlight suddenly shining on them. They rubbed their eyes to see Blubs and Durland.
"That's none of your business!" Yelled Blubs. Dipper and Mable gasped.
"Wooo! We caught ya! Wooo!" Called Durland. "Woo" his last one petered out quickly, replaced by him taking a quick breath before falling over, revealing a dozen darts in him. Dipper, Mable, and Blubs looked at each other.
"He got hit with quite a few of those darts, all of which were thrown by your accomplice." Blubs stepped to the side to reveal Cassie, handcuffed.
"So, did you guys find what you were looking for?" She asked. Blubs began removing darts from Durland's back.
"Just give me a moment here and" Blubs removed the last dart, then slapped Durland. He stood up quickly.
"Woooo!" He yelled. Blubs pushed Cassie over to Dipper and Mable.
"I hate to do this, but Quinten Trembly's a matter of National Security."
"Yeah! Yeah." Durland put his hands on his knees, winded. "Woo! I think I might be colorblind now."
"What do you mean National Security?" Asked Dan.
"Who is Quinten Trembly anyway?" Asked Mable.
"Give him a moment." Said Cassie. Blubs sighed.
"See for yourself." He took off his hat, and pulled out a film reel. He put it on the projector and started it up.
"Aw! It's black and white?" Complained Mable. The video started.
"Sh! Mable!"
"If you're watching this, then you are one of 8 people in these United States with clearance to view this information. In fact, I myself will be shot as soon as the filming is complete." The man in the video looked to the side. "What? No? Oh, well, that's a relief!" The man turned back. "Of all America's secrets, the most embarrassing was that of Quinten Trembly." The video cut to an image of Quinten's photo. "The eighth and a half President of the United States."
"President?" Asked Dipper and Mable.
"Eighth and a half?" Asked Mable.
"After winning the 1837 election in a landslide," the video showed how he literally won in a landslide, "Quinten Trembly quickly gained a reputation as America's silliest president. He waged wars on pancakes, appointed six babies to the supreme court, and issued the Depantsimation Proclamation. His state of the union speech was even worse." The video gave a reenactment voice of it.
"The only thing we have to fear, is gigantic, man eating spiders!"
"He was kicked out of office, and escaped to an uncharted valley he named Gravity Falls, after plummeting into it at high speed." The video showed Quinten riding a horse backwards. "Trembly's shameful term was erased from history, and officially replaced by William Henry Harrison as President and local nobody Nathaniel Northwest as Founder of Gravity Falls. The whereabouts of President Trembly's body are unknown." The video cut out.
"Until now." Said Blubs, gesturing to a wall. There, Quinten's body was encased in something resembling amber.
"Whoa! Is that, like, amber of something?" Asked Dipper. Cassie shook her head. Everyone else walked over.
"The fool thought he could live forever by encasing himself in a block of solid peanut brittle!" Explained Blubs. "Smooth move, Mr. President!" Blubs turned back to Dipper, Mable, and Cassie. "Finding Trembly's body was our special mission, and now, thanks to you, it's complete."
"Who knew all we had to do was follow a little girl's trail of candy wrappers?" Asked Durland. Dipper glared at Mable, who sighed.
"Silly!" She facepalmed.
"Now that you know the truth, well, we can't let you go around talking about it." Said Blubs, threateningly.
"Does that mean" started Dipper.
"Are you gonna kill us?!" Finished Mable.
"Oh no!" Yelled Durland, jumping back.
"No no, calm down, calm down now everybody." Said Blubs. "Calm down." He looked back. "We're just gonna escort you and all this stuff back to Washington. You ain't coming back, by the way." Dipper and Mable looked at each other, frightened.
"I can't get us out of this one." Said Cassie. "My hands are quite literally tied."
The train horn sounded loudly, and Blubs and Durland finished getting everything in place. "Woohoo!" Yelled Durland. "We've got fold out beds!"
"Good thing I brought my book of spooky ghost stories!" Said Blubs.
"I brought rope for friendship bracelets!" They both laughed.
In the storage car, Dipper and Mable pounded on the box they were trapped in, trying to free themselves. "Anyone there? Help us!" Yelled Mable.
"Hey! Let us out!" Yelled Dipper. Mable turned around, exhausted.
"Ugh! I can't believe I left a trail of candy wrappers!" Said Mable. "This is all my fault." She sunk to the floor. "Pacifica had me pegged all along. I'm just a silly failure like that embarrassing president whats-his-name."
"Don't give up hope yet!" Called Cassie, trapped in a different box. "You'll come up with something!" Mable grabbed a chunk of peanut brittle from the block Quinton was encased in.
"Like what?" Called Dipper. Quinton's block began to break apart before it crumbled, releasing him. Dipper and Mable screamed.
"It is I, Quinton Trembly!" Said Quinton. He ripped off his pants.
"You're alive!" Exclaimed Dipper. "But, how?!"
"Peanut Brittle really does have life sustaining properties!" Said Mable.
"Told you guys you'd come up with something!" Called Cassie. "Now hurry up and get out of there so you can get me out!"
"You're not silly!" Said Mable. "You're brilliant!"
"And so are you, dear girl!" Said Quinton. "For following my clues and freeing me from my delicious tomb!"
"He's right!" Said Dipper. "Making maps into hats, hanging upside down, your silliness cracked a code that serious cops couldn't crack in a hundred years!"
"Oh, stop it!" Said Mable, blushing.
"By Jefferson!" Exclaimed Quinton. "We seem to be trapped in some sort of crate shaped box!"
"It's a crate Mr. President." Said Mable.
"Good thing I have the President's key, which can open any lock in America!" Quinton went to the opposite wall, followed by Mable, and attempted to push the key into the wood. Dipper walked up.
"I don't think that's gonna work."
"Wood. My age old enemy." Sadi Quinton, before he turned to Dipper and Mable. "In order to get out of here, it's going to take the silliest plan ever conceived!"
"I think I know who can help you." Said Dipper. He looked at Mable.
"Hm, how about," Mable looked around for about half a second, "that hole!"
"We will leap through it!" Agreed Quinton. He and Mable jumped down to it together, trying to squeeze through. Quinton waggled his finger through it. "Almost, almost there, good! Keep pushing!"
"I'm not sure this is working." Said Dipper.
"Trust the silliness!" Yelled Mable. She poked her finger through and waggled it, getting the attention of a woodpecker, which hopped on and began pecking at the crate. Mable pulled her finger back. Quinton gasped.
"Is that my third wife? Sandy?" The woodpecker kept pecking, until a board fell down, triggering a chain reaction that opened the crate. "Well, we didn't fit through the hole. Let's rebuild the box and try again!" Dipper grabbed the documents.
"We have to get out of here!"
"Hello! Still trapped in this box!" Yelled Cassie.
"I got it!" Said Quinton, putting his key into the lock. It opened, and Cassie pushed it open quickly.
"Thanks."
"Come on! This way!" Said Dipper.
"Also good!" Said Quinton, following Dipper. The group opened the car door and peered into the next car, seeing Durland getting ice. He turned to them and gasped.
"Blubs!" Blubs jumped around the corner. Dipper slammed the door shut and began running, followed by everyone else. They reached the final door, which led to open tracks.
"Up there!" Said Cassie. She pointed at the emergency exit and the ladder leading up to it. Quinton climbed up first and attempted to use his key again. Dipper climbed up.
"Give me that!" He opened the hatch and climbed out, followed by Mable and Quinton. Cassie brought up the rear, but was quickly followed by Blubs and Durland. The two officers ran after the group, trying to catch them on top of the train. The group soon ran out of train to run on and found themselves cornered. They turned back to Blubs and Durland, trapped.
"There is, no, escape." Panted Blubs. "Let me" he knelt down. "I gotta take a knee."
"Are you okay? Can I get you anything?" Asked Durland.
"Edwin Durland, you are a diamond in the rough."
"Sheriff Blubs, do you really want to lock us all up in a government facility somewhere?" Asked Dipper.
"I've got no choice!" Said Blubs. "All orders come from the very top!"
"As in, the President?" Asked Cassie. Dipper thought for a moment.
"Wait!" He turned to Quinton. "Quinton, did you ever sign an official resignation?"
"No sir! I ate a salamander and jumped out the window!"
"Then, technically, you're still legally the President of the United States!" Exclaimed Dipper. "Right?" He turned to the two officers. "You gotta answer to this guy now!"
"Huh?" Asked Blubs and Durland.
"As President of these several United States, I hereby order you to pretend none of this ever happened, a-and go on a delightful vacation!" A train signpost hit Quinton in the back of his head, knocking him forward a bit. "Gow!" He stood back up. "Yes!"
"Vacation?" Asked Blubs. "What place have you always wanted to visit? One, two,"
"Silver Water Funslides in Grand Lakes Michigan!" Both officers laughed.
Blubs and durland were ready for their vacation, and waved to the group as they departed. "Bye bye!" They called. Quinton knelt down and looked at Mable.
"You've done a great service to your country, Mable. As thanks, I'd like to make you an Official US Congressman!" Quinton took out a thin piece of fabric and shook it, turning it into a large top hat. He put it on Mable's head.
"I'm legalizing everything!" She said. Quinton turned to Dipper.
"And Rodrick,"
"Actually, uh"
"You dear boy are on your way to unlocking the mysteries of this great land! So I'd like you to have, my President's Key!" Quinton handed Dipper his key, who smiled back in thanks. Quinton stood up. "And you, young lady, have my thanks for helping these two find me! I have nothing left to give, so please accept my words of gratitude!"
"Good enough for me." Said Cassie.
The group walked back into town as the festivities were slowing down, listening to some of Quinton's stories. "And then he chased me around and spanked me with a paddle for, like, three hours! Bottom line, George Washington was a jerk!"
"Agreed!" Said Mable.
"Jerk or not, he was very influential." Argued Cassie. Some little kids were running around a pole holding ribbons. One of them stumbled a bit and Pacifica glared at her.
"Kick her off the team." Her two lackeys began walking as Dipper and Mable ran up.
"Hey Pacifica!" Called Mable. "I uncovered a government conspiracy about the eighth and a half President of the United States! Who's silly now?"
"What?!" Asked Pacifica. "Who is that idiot!" Quinton was fighting a bird.
"Put up your dukes you bald fiend!"
"The Eight and a half President of America!" Said Mable. She turned to Pacifica. "I know what you're thinking, how is he still alive? Well, turns out you can hibernate in Peanut Brittle and" Pacifica interrupted by laughing.
"Wow! You really are a sad, dumb, little girl! Nice top hat by the way." Pacifica's parents laughed.
"Good one, daughter." Said her father.
"Oh, I see your car is stuck in the mud!" Said Pacifica. "Enjoy walking home!" Pacifica's family car drove up, ready to drive them home. Cassie walked away from Dipper and Mable for a moment, and threw something in the vehicle's path before returning.
"Aren't you gonna tell her about her ate-gray ampa-gray?" Asked Dipper, gesturing to the documents.
"You know what, Dipper? I've got nothing to prove. I've learned that being silly is awesome!" Mable put her sweater back on. Cassie smiled and shook her head. Pacifica's car started driving away, and hit the thing Cassie put down.
"They'll have fun with that come tomorrow. A rusty nail driven into their tire is sure to cause some sparks." Dipper turned to it.
"Well I haven't learned anything!" He whistled to the car. "Hey! Pacifica!" He ran up to her window as the car stopped. "Nathaniel Northwest didn't found Gravity Falls, and your whole family is a sham! Deal with it!" Dipper dropped the documents into her hand, and her car drove off as she looked them over.
"What?! Mom!" Dipper walked back to Mable.
"Man, revenge is underrated. That felt awesome!" Cassie sighed.
"At least mark it down in your journal, okay? That way the information isn't lost forever." Quinton walked over to Dipper and Mable.
"Children, I am needed elsewhere! Just know that I'll always be right here!" He pointed at Dipper's chest before opening his hand, revealing some money. "On the Negative Twelve dollar bill!"
"Whoa!" Said DIpper, before looking up. "This is worthless."
"It's less than worthless, my boy!" Said Quinton. "Trembly away!" He jumped backwards and landed on a saddled horse, which began galloping. He rode backwards down the tracks and out of sight.
"Where do you think he's going?" Asked Mable.
"I'm gonna say, off a cliff." Said Dipper. Cassie grabbed both of their shoulders.
"We need to go to Stan, okay? Dipper, you still have that key, right?" Dipper pulled it out. "Good. Come on." Cassie led the twins to where Stan was trapped, where he began telling his tale of woe.
"And then Soos came by and talked to me for like, an hour!"
"You've been through so much." Said Mable. Dipper pulled the key out and put it in the lock, opening it.
"It works!" He said.
"So what's with the top hat?" Asked Stan.
"I'm a Congressman!" Explained Mable.
"Pardon me?" Asked Stan.
"You are officially pardoned." Dipper and Mable began laughing as Cassie leaned in.
"They found an old president who never officially resigned." She explained. "He made Mable a Congressman for helping him."
"Okay, now you're spitting stories." Rebutted Stan. he shook his head. "Oi, you're never going to make sense, are you kids?"
"No I'm not, Grunkle Stan." Said Mable. "No I'm not." Mable prepared to jump. "Mable away!" She jumped in a similar fashion to Quinton, but crashed into something. "I'm okay!"
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