''Oh, right, you want to apply to the hero course too Midoryia?"

"Are you trying to pick a fight with me, Deku?"

The words of my teacher and Kacchan replay through my head. I'll just have to show them and get into U.A. I clench my fist. I need to focus on what I can do to improve my chances like analyzing heroes. "That reminds me," I load the hero news on my phone tracing the cracked phone protector. "I should write down what I remember about Mountain Lady's fight this morning before I forget."

"We're not finished Deku." I see a hand grab my notebook.

Wait, Kacchan? What are you doing? Give that back please. Reaching for my notebook I see him smirk. I must get it back before he ruins it. I jolt forward, the wooden desk hitting me in the stomach as I grab for the notebook. The smirk becomes a grin. Please don't. My eyes widen as a smoke and nougat smell envelope my notebook.

"Don't even think about applying to U.A. I'm going to be the only one to get in there from this shitty school," he said tossing the defiled notebook out the window. "Are we clear nerd?" He places a hand on my shoulder and even before he uses his quirk I tense; feeling phantom heat and smelling burnt leaves. I avoid his intoxicating red eyes.

When I hear his footsteps walking to the classroom door, I breathe again my chest rising an inch. My heartbeat speeds up when I don't hear the door open. I glance at the doorway and bite my lip.

"You know if you really want to be a hero that badly there actually might be another way. Just pray that you'll be born with a quirk in your next life and take a swan dive off the roof of the building."

I face him head on, my fists clenched as I muster a glare. When you're scared act like Kacchan. What would he confidently do?

Kacchan raises a hand causing a mini explosion as he glares at me over his shoulder, "something wrong?"

My whimpers are a no to him, and I watch him leave the classroom. "That idiot you can't go around telling people to go kill themselves. What if I really jumped what would he do then?" I say to the classroom with only sunlight occupying it. Why do you always have to make it personal? First it was my name and saying it could be spelled Deku and now you're giving voice to my pain? I swallow the bile in my throat then walk to the door. I peek through to see if they're gone.

Trudging outside I think, it should have landed around here with the trajectory through the window. "My dreams are fish food." I yank the notebook out of the koi pond, "give them back." Ten, nine, eight, seven- "Dammit," my chest shudders as it gets harder to breath. That trick really doesn't work anymore, did it ever work?

I puff out my chest and grin lifting my notebook. "Ha ha hah ah" A water droplet slides from the notebook into my sleeve. "Is this really going to work? I can't even protect a notebook. How could I be responsible to save people's life's and tell them I'm here and it's going to be ok? No, I can't be responsible for a life, or, making a person feel better." The scars on my forearms start to ache but I put the familiar pain out of my mind. I force my chest to function properly and breathe.

The tears barely listen to me to stop as my shoulders flutter. I'm fine. It's been what like 3 days since I last cried. I'm getting better and that's prove. I'm just having a little problem right now. Kacchan always says mean things for some reason though I know he can be a good person he's just in a little rut, like me. His words don't affect me. These are tears of joy because I'm going to be a hero like Snipe, or Snatch. I'm a possibly top ten hero like Wash. I could be a side kick to so many heroes like Power Loader, Present Mic, Midnight, Rabbit Hero Miruko, Recovery girl, Native, Ingenium, Burning, Miss Joke. I know you wouldn't want to lose your side kick. You'll come here, soon, so very soon. You'll see me and just know that I have the potential to be a hero. My knees hit the ground and I clutch my notebook to my chest the water seeping through the cotton.

Edge Shot, Mountain Lady, Kamui Woods, Endeavor, All Might, Best Jeanist, Hawks, Dragon Hero Ryukyu, Death Arms. I have a wonderful smile that's great for comforting people. Can't you see it? Can't you see, I have the heart of a hero? I need a hero to see me. Anyone will do. Just tell me my goal to be a hero is a dream I can have. I'll even be fine with just that- you don't have to be able to tell me I can go after my dreams. You don't have to really make me your sidekick full time. How about part time? I'll take anything. My forehead touches the cement with my sobs ricocheting off the ground to my ears. Competing with the laughter of my classmates in my head when my teacher said I applied to U.A.

Anyone would do, please, just a moment of your time! I sob tasting the saltiness from my tears and snot. Ectoplasm, Eraser head, Fat Gum, Wild Pussy Cats, Thirteen, Bubble Girl, Centipede, Snake hero, Killer Orca, Slidin' Go, Gun head, Selkie, Blood Vlad, Back Draft, Hound Dog, Night Eye, Rock Lock, Wash, Cementoss, Manuel. Please just somebody. There are so many heroes. Just one in this city please help me.

I'm reduced to sniffles and a hiccup as I wipe at my face with my sleeve. I rub the indentations on my forehead left from the cement. Looking at the sky I notice the sunset. "What time is it?" I check my phone 4:37 and mom left a voice message at 4:21. I look at the single service bar. I'll have to go to the roof to call her. Maybe she wants me to stop by the store and pick up groceries for tonight's dinner? I could get supplies for Katsudon so we can have that tomorrow. That'd be nice. I press play and before I hear my mom's voice I smile. "Hey honey, I know you're probably analyzing fights between heroes and villains, just a reminder to be safe while you're doing that. I think you got caught up doing that and forgot we're having the Bakugo's over for dinner tonight to celebrate Masaru's promotion. I don't want you to be late and we're having dinner at 6. Stay safe and I love you."

I watch the time tick by on the voice mail shutting it off after it reaches five minutes. I grip my arms my nails digging in. The screen of my phone slides on my sleeve and I hear it hit the roof like a slap. I look at it. "Well, I guess, that's a good day for you. Only getting dropped once. I'd have to sit through dinner and get dropped multiply times by the time I can go to bed."

I really can't let mom see me like, this, she doesn't deserve, that. "I want to go home and say congratulations aunt Mitsuki now you can get that kitchen you wanted. I have to get in control to sit through dinner. Mom doesn't deserve to have to worry about me. I got to be able to smile."

I unbutton my jacket starting with the top button letting it fall to the roof. I then unbutton the buttons at my left wrist, rolling the long sleeve shirt to my elbow. I see my forearm and look away from the intoxicating red scars and scabs. I unbutton the wrist buttons of my right arm while looking at the sky. I exhale until my chest shrinks as small as it can go while hunching over I look at my feet. I take off my backpack and pull bandages out; opening the front pocket where I keep the box cutter. I slid the blade out, "ten," blade in, "nine," blade out, "eight," blade in, "seven", out, "six," in. I breath in making my stomach hurt with how much air I guzzle. "Five," out. "Four in. Three out. Two in. One… out." I close my eyes and swallow though nothing goes down my throat. "Wrist I love you not."

I make a line. I don't feel pain. "My mom loves me. My mom loves me more than the size of the sun. Mom doesn't know what Kacchan said today. Mom doesn't know it'd hurt me to sit through dinner with Kacchan." I open my eyes and cut twice. I tilt my arm down watching the blood roll along my skin like it's inside the vein and it's going where it's supposed to. I put my finger in front of one of the droplets content with the warmth I feel I remove my finger.

"Not a-ga- gain," my arm blurs and I feel the warm tears slid down my cheek like I cut my face. "My mom loves me and for all that love she's given me I can't make her worried sick. I must not be a problem. I won't cause her more pain like me causing Hisashi to leave. I'll say sorry by not causing problems."

My bangs… they remind me of mom's pushed up against my face. The tears blurring my vision too. I'm crying while my four-year-old self points at a computer screen playing a video of All Might saving people. '' I'm so sorry, Izuku. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." Mom doesn't know those aren't the words I wanted to hear. I tighten my grip on the box cutter if I could see my hand, it'd be white. Raising the blade over my head I slash it down. "X marks the spot!" It hurts and I can't ignore it because it's not a familiar pain anymore. It hurts like my passion to be a hero was turned into a flame and held against my skin. Slash. Scar. Burn. Carve. Disfigured. Scolded. Scalded. I pass the knife-like torch to my other hand and begin conquering my next arm. "X marks the spot! I am in control!" I mantra the words screaming.

"I g-guess I really- huff, needed to cut for control. I was so distraught I forgot to ready my disinfectant." I swallow, wincing as my throat hurts. "It gets hard to write my hero notes when my cuts get infected." I try to pull the zipper on my backpack. The silver metal keeps slipping between my fingers. I go to dry my hands on my pants feeling the wet material. I rub my hands on my thighs trying to find a dry spot. My white sleeves scream intoxicated red. I stare at the color as my head tries to decide between leaning on my chest or staying up right. "Forget disinfectant I need bandages, Now."

I reach for the bandages and I can't close my hand around one, it rolls away from me. "No-oo-ow this is-is- isn't funny. I got a dinner to go to, really badly." I try to drag the roll towards me with my fingernails as it unravels further. Failing again. I propel myself forward laying on the roll I get it to stop. I yank at the material to lay it across my arm. I can't get enough to wrap it around my arm. I yank again. "Oh, I – ha so silly. I'm laying on it and that's why I can't get the bandage to work."

I slide one leg then another to be under me. Trying to get to my legs I wobble with a mirage of spots appearing before my eyes. Sticking out both of my arms for balance I take a step. Moving to the roll that stopped I place my foot on it to keep the mishap from happening again. Lifting the fabric to my arm I go to wrap it around the injury leaning to my side to get the bandage to not get caught on my forearm. My vision becomes a charcoal drawing with a crash clearing my head. I see the rest of the roll unraveling as if it's a party streamer and the sights reflected on the windows of the building. I see the trees on the windows, and I see the sign above the entrance Aldera Junior High and then the doors. I don't hear a Detroit Smash.

I open my eyes in a hospital. I see a person lying on the bed. There's a brace on their neck blending into a head submerged in white, green hair sticks out through the front bandages. "Is that me?" I look at their stature. "I'm close to them in size and not a lot of people have me and mom's dark green hair." The rooms packed with machines acting like the persons family. I try to pick up the card on the table to read it but my hand passes through it. I stare at the green paper cutting through my wrist in a guillotine manner. I try to pinch it at the top and lift it to me. The paper weaves then flutters to the ground. I repeat the motion, the card lifts a few inches off the ground, then drops when I stop. "So that's how I can now interact with things. It reminds me of mom's quirk. Though what's going on?" I look at the body and swallow. I'll find answers but I don't think I'll like them. I open the card and read it.

We hope you get better you little squirt with the speediest recovery. When your better we'll celebrate with dinner. I'll personally make Katsuki sit through it if I must. Don't be surprised if he cries like a baby, he's so emotional he's gotta be a girl right now. I'll tell you all the juicy details.

Loving Regards Aunt Mitsuki and the Bakugou family.

"That is me on the bed." I place a hand on my chest and one through a chair. "Am I a ghost? I'm not dead dead though. Could my condition be bad enough that I'd have an out of body experience?" I look at myself or, my body? The machines start beeping. I look at a monitor that shows heart rate at 65. I watch it drop down to 57 then 52. A pump stalls and starts in its cylinder. All the machines are acting weird. That's bad. It looks like I'm in the ICU, if other machines are malfunctioning that'd kill patients. I run into the next room and watch their monitor go down.

I run to the nurse's station, "I need your help. The machines are malfunctioning." The nurse frowns looking at her computer. "Why aren't you typing? Did you freeze? You were working just fine."

I slam my hands on the desk to get her attention, but they pass through. I glare at my fingers then look for a pen and paper. Moving to the other side of the station I wrangle a pen into a writing position then drop it as I can't keep it floating.

Bam. I see the nurse turn to look at the pen on the floor then goes back to her typing. "Wait? The computer wasn't working but now it is?" I step closer to examine the screen and the curser stops blinking.

"You were just working again. I have charting to do you annoying piece of plastic."

I walk to another hallway and I can hear the clanking of keyboards again. "It's me. Wait, so does that mean my quirk is a ghost like ability or that I still don't have a quirk and have become a supernatural phenomenon? I can phase through things and people don't see me. The nurse didn't look at me when I dropped the pen. Well, what do I do now? I can't research it on a computer. Firstly, I need to get out of the hospital. I'm not going to endanger people. Ah, I need my notebooks to write down theories and information. Oh, those are at home. I've got to tell mom what state I'm in!