The room fell on top of Kara's shoulders. The truth was open, raw, vivid in front of her eyes.
The pain her shoulder provided never compared to such agony. Kara was frightened. She compared the beat of her heart to seventeen years ago when her pod landed on earth. She was confused, anxious, shocked, lost in the memories of what she was never going to experience again.
The thought horrified her.
Cat, on the other hand, worked hard to place her thoughts in line. Her mind worked fast, trying to visualize bit and pieces here and there. She could remember Leslie, precise, intense as if she couldn't pass over these thoughts. Her mind blocked every new detail.
Every feeling.
She always had a way to analyze in a quick, productive way. She would organize thoughts, chronologically, positively and with precision. Her emotions were still in check in front of people. Her façade was high, wide, structural. Nevertheless, she couldn't remember what day it was, or why her head hurt; this made her vulnerable.
A feeling she despised.
Not being in control of her thoughts bothered her, immensely. Cat glanced at her assistant. Kara's last words rushed through her mind repeatedly. Her words sounded loud and consistent in Cat's mind.
When did she accept her preferences? What happened to the complex topic she defined as marriage? When did she choose Kara as a suitable candidate?
When she defined herself as a gay woman?
Cat could see the millennial was older with a dull glare. The difference wasn't much; Kara just looks more mature under ordinary clothes. Gabrielle was a little older too. It was easy to notice.
Cat thought about her reflection in the mirror. How older she looked now? She envisioned the magazine headlines, describing their age difference.
"I'll—I'll leave you two alone." Gabrielle's voice snapped Cat from her thoughts.
Cat took an involuntary deep breath, before fixing her gaze with a teary Kara.
She observed her, carefully. "How long have I forgotten?" Cat was surprised at her faint, hoarse voice. Cat noticed Kara wasn't wearing a wedding ring. The idea of Kara being her wife, was against everything Cat believed.
She denied it.
Cat was a genuine person. Kara's expression's and actions didn't feel like a ruse. The millennial cried quietly. Cat had never seen Kara in such pain. It was new for her, rare and intriguing in a cynical way. Cat's head hurt, and she was assured that Gabrielle wouldn't act as comfortable and open about her health with Kara if the millennial weren't something more. Cat believed in facts. Her eyes deceived her, but she was rational.
Or so she thought.
Kara sat in the chair opposite to Cat's bed. She quickly wiped her eyes, and without fixing her gaze with Cat, she responded.
"We've been married for five years."
Kara was glad she wasn't paying attention to Cat's heartbeat. Kara understood the effect in her words. Cat would go into retrograde, accusing herself of all the time she lost.
Cat couldn't contain the agony. She was grateful Kara wasn't observing her troubled face. Her hands gripped the cheap sheets of the bed, they held her somehow, the secure grip helped her breathe.
"Carter," She whispered. Realization thumped as released the bed sheets to spread her tears away from her face. Her head hurt, her heart felt heavy inside her chest. She has lost five years of memories. Her boy was eighteen years old, and she couldn't remember the last time she saw him.
She turned back at Kara. The millennial raised her head to meet green, red eyes. Cat's eyes scanned Kara's. She needed to find a minuscule fault in them. Kara was a terrible liar, on the other hand, Cat knew Kara was telling the truth. The girl wasn't shifting in her chair, fiddling her glasses or rambling.
It was a scary sight.
"He's fine, Cat," Kara said, trying to control her voice. She coughed and sat straight. Kara knew her first thought was going to be Carter. Her wife was a great mother after all. Kara took a deep breath, she couldn't blame Cat for not remembering her, but Kara couldn't deny the pain she felt at the thought of her wife being oblivious of Olivia. "He's healthy and very tall." Kara chuckled, and she moved forward to be closer to her wife.
Stronger together. Kara thought.
Cat kept taking deep breaths. Kara knew it was a way to process the new information. "Does he likes me?" Cat asked, her voice breaking.
Kara found her hand and Cat flinched at the touch, but never retrieved her hand. Kara saw trust in Cat's eyes. She was afraid to listen to her heart, it was comforting, in an unpleasant way.
"Oh, Cat." Kara smiled. "Of course, you have been great these past years. He loves you very much. Nothing has changed." Kara said lovingly. "Well, maybe except his voice, height, and hair. Everything else, it's still him." Cat smiled, shedding some more tears. "He's outside. I'll let him in when you're ready, okay?"
Cat's gaze switched between blue eyes. Cat was thankful. Kara always anticipated her needs. She has been an exceptional assistant; Cat could only imagine how much Kara knew her now.
The pain was back and steady in her head at the thought of Kara being her wife.
Did she confuse her loneliness?
Why did she marry the millennial?
"Is he in college?" Cat asked, removing her eyes from Kara's.
"Yes, he enrolled this summer, we took him there, we cried a lot," Kara said, looking at their hands. Kara felt better talking to her wife. She didn't know how to explain it, but somehow, it consoled her that her wife wasn't looking at her like a stranger.
Cat nodded, staring at the ceiling. Kara's hand in hers kept her sane. A gentle touch was all Cat needed in between terrible news. She didn't feel alone.
"CatCo?" She merely said, and Kara couldn't help the smile that crossed her face. She knew that after Carter, this was the next topic, she decided to be quick and straight to the point. Hopefully, her wife would like to ask them next.
"You're still the queen of all media," Kara said, sliding her thumb against Cat's knuckles. "Sales, auctions, content, ratings, margin, publicity, finances, editors," Kara said, calculating the math in her head. "They have all increased a twenty-five percent." Cat smiled, finding the ceiling more interesting that Kara's flushed face. "We're still the main media in National City, and we expect another ten percent by the end of the year."
Cat shifted in bed, removing her hand from Kara's touch. Kara knew she felt better, calmed. She saw how Cat fortified her walls in a quick, sharp second.
"Things have changed, but it's nothing you can't handle back at the office," Kara said, sitting straight in her chair.
Cat was quiet for a few minutes; Kara took the time to organize all her worries. She couldn't freak out, not right now.
"I'm happy to hear that," Cat whispered. She turned back to Kara, lifting her chin, leaving her emotions away from Kara. "Does CatCo maintains a good relationship with Supergirl?" Her voice was stronger now, certainly. "Does she remain under my brand?"
Kara's thoughts halt inside her head. She quickly reminisced about the last encounter her wife remembered with Supergirl.
Everything made sense now.
The night on the balcony never happened in her wife's head. The whole evening with Adam, the letter and their first dinner were all a massive blur. Kara quickly reminisced about finding her wife drinking scotch in her balcony. Cat can't remember calling Kara her secret weapon or her guardian angel. She couldn't forget the fact that she suspected about Kara's eavesdropping over Dirk in the board meeting.
She couldn't question Kara's superhearing.
The earthquake was long forgotten, so the thought of Supergirl helping any National City civilian while Kara was sick for the first time and with a broken arm wasn't suspicious at all.
Kara took a deep breath; Cat didn't have the facts. She couldn't prove her assistant was Supergirl. Cat didn't see Kara and Supergirl standing a few feet away from her. Both, together in her office.
Cat mentioned that night, about Livewire, about how Kara left and two seconds later Supergirl appeared, on the other hand, Cat had time to think of how things went back there. She just woke up. Her doctor told her she has retrograde amnesia, her assistant claims to be her wife, and lost five years of memories with Carter.
Cat didn't have time to analyze the real identity of Supergirl and how things developed that night. Five years ago, in that night, Kara saved Cat. Tonight, five decades later Cat thought something went wrong in the fight, and the outcome was her lying in a cold hospital bed. She didn't have the evidence, she didn't have a source or any more facts, even though Kara provided them for her countless of time.
But now, everything was forgotten.
Kara quickly nodded, finding the correct words to put her wife at ease. "You are her best friend." Cat smiled and shook her head, playfully. Kara smiled easily. She wanted to keep Cat's feelings at bay, make her feel comfortable in every aspect. Kara wasn't ready to tell her she was Supergirl.
Not because she couldn't trust Cat with any new information, because she was afraid her wife might react the same way back then when she gave Kara a choice to be a full-time hero; when she thought, Kara was better without CatCo, most importantly, without her.
"Oh, Kiera, I have a hunch you're trying to please me with your answers. I'm sure everything, it's not peaches and cream."
Kara closed her eyes at the nickname. Cat quickly noted the discomfort in the millennial's face.
"I—I can guarantee you they have been the happiest of your life," Kara said, standing up, and walking away from her wife's bed. Kara didn't know if Cat was following with her eyes. She was afraid to look back. "I know this because they have been my happiest." Kara found support in her own hands. Her shoulder sting occasionally, just like the distant look her wife provided her.
"And now I can't remember," Cat said, her voice was sluggish, lost in what Kara knew was deception. "Please tell me I'm not a Danvers?"
Cat knew her word choice was not the most appropriate. She wanted to take it back, subtly asked the question, nevertheless, Cat was protecting herself, and with any luck, she hoped that Kara knew this.
Kara knew that her wife could've rephrased that sentence, after all, she was an expert in that area. Cat chose not to as a guard method, because she had no profound emotional influences with her former assistant. This version of Cat was belligerent to display emotion. She dreaded being susceptible. She was daunted.
The millennial shifted on her feet. It took Kara a couple of seconds to dissipate the anger that crawled up her body. She reminded herself this was not her wife. The person behind her was a stranger to Kara. There was no difference in between them. Kara was a stranger to Cat.
"Actually," Kara said, fiddling with her glasses, she turned around and smiled softly at Cat. "We had a couple of arguments about this topic back then." Cat face was neutral. She listened carefully. "You begged me to change your whole last name." Cat softly rolled her eyes. "We decided that the dash would suit you. Catherine Grant – Danvers." Kara said, taking a deep breath. "Although, National City knows me as…"
"Kara Grant." The older woman said, tilting her head, fixing her eyes with Kara's.
Kara nodded and waited. She didn't want to pressure Cat's questions. She wanted her wife to organize her ideas.
"Is my mother alive?" Cat asked next, touching the back of her head.
"Yes," Kara responded quickly. "Of course she is."
Cat glanced at Kara's left hand, quickly finding the ringless finger. Kara didn't notice. She focused on her wife's expressions. The silence started to grow in the room. It was the silence. She was dreading, the awkward one, so Kara decided to move closer to the bed. She sat at the end of the bed, placing her hand spontaneously on her wife's legs.
"I know this it's a lot to take." She began saying. "I –I don't know what I've would do in your position..."
"Oh, please don't pity me, Kiera." Cat cut her. "You know how I feel about that in particular."
"That's not what I meant, Cat." Kara took a deep breath. "There's something I need to tell you."
"Do I have a terminal—
"No!" Kara moved quickly and sat next to her wife. Her hand found gold hair, trying desperately to soothe her wife's thoughts. "You are healthy," She said in a soft tone. "Well, besides the stitches and… you know."
"How this happened?" Cat decided to block how claustrophobic she was feeling with Kara's fingers touching her hair.
"The power plant exploded, and so the transformers around the city." Kara could see Cat's constricted face and opted to place her hand back on her lap. "One of the generators crashed in the van on your way to work. Supergirl brought you in." Cat reminded silent. Once again, she managed to control the topic.
"I need to get out of this place. I am a germaphobe."
"I know… how you feel about hospitals, I just have to tell you something else before Gabrielle release you."
"Go on, then. I can take it, Kiera."
"Kara, please," Kara said, pushing her glasses up her nose. Cat didn't respond to the correction of the name. She kept her eyes on the millennial. "Carter and Adam—
"How do you know about… about… Adam?" Cat voice was hoarse. She couldn't believe the millennial knew about her oldest. Kara rolled her eyes, looking away from her wife's face for a second.
"I know everything about you, Cat," Kara said, looking back at her wife again. "We know our secrets, our biggest fears, we know each other's," Kara rushed her words. "We're married."
Cat glanced back at Kara's ring finger. She couldn't understand why the millennial wasn't wearing it. It was hard for her to acknowledge Kara as her wife when a simple proof of a ring wasn't evident. The emotion was empty, the ring wasn't there to remind it, but Kara seemed to be invested in the topic, so Cat kept gathering information.
Cat a headache was more prominent. It didn't affect Cat that Kara was not wearing a wedding ring. All she wanted to know was the reason behind it.
Was this marriage a ruse?
Did they only use their rings in public?
Was their marriage monogamous?
Were they filling for divorce?
Everything was confusing and burdensome.
"Tell me more about…" Cat said, turning back to Kara. "Adam?"
Kara sighed when the question wasn't about them, but she still managed to give her wife a quick sneer. "You wrote him a letter, which I finished for you, and he came to National City. That was five years ago. Now you have dinner with him regularly. You maintain a great relationship with him. He even calls you mom now."
Cat swayed her face away from Kara, controlling the tears.
She has lost so much. Valuable memories. Remarkable developments her mind might never restore.
She was afraid. Terrified. But she tried not to show it. Cat worked on it.
"What—what was I trying to say… earlier was that they are not your only children." Kara murmured.
Nonetheless, the distance and judging by Cat's face, Kara knew her wife heard her words.
"I considered adoption?" Cat mumbled. Her headache felt protuberant and broader.
"We." Kara was quick to recollect her words. "Well, no. We… I—we—used your eggs and mixed them with mine. It was an easy process, nine months later I gave birth to our daughter."
Cat's throat felt heavy. Her hands were shaking, but she couldn't specify the reason why. A tear escaped her eyes as she repeated Kara's last word. She has a daughter.
Kara moved forward and grasped Cat's hand. Kara felt better when Cat didn't flinch at her touch. She knew her wife all too well. Cat dreamed of a daughter. Kara knew how deeply Cat felt about not raising Adam, and how important was for Cat being a perfect mother for Carter. Kara placed a soft kiss on her wife's hand. Cat always dreamed of having the privilege to raise a girl.
It took Cat a second to accept that her assistant wasn't only that. She tried to deny it. She tried to cover, find a reason why Kara could deceive her. Cat answered all her questions. She just didn't want to voice them or organize them.
Facts that Cat was not groping any further.
"I know," Kara said, shedding a few tears herself. The moment reminded her when Gabrielle told them they were having a girl. Kara's free hand collected Cat's tears. "We have a little girl."
Cat blinked quickly, almost as if she was embarrassed about crying in front of Kara, but she couldn't contain the tears. She couldn't comprehend how exhilarating and new this felt to her. Cat cried, and she was holding Kara's hand tight in hers.
"She's beautiful," Kara said, caressing her wife's chin. "She has blonde hair," Kara placed a strand of golden hair behind her wife's ear. "And stunning green eyes." Kara's index finger slid under Cat's eye, gathering a tear. "She's extremely clever, our major accomplishment." Kara's smile comforted Cat.
Cat couldn't think accurately. Her emotions were lurid and jumbled. Cat was grateful for Kara's kind words. The millennial controlled Cat's feelings with expertise, something Cat, was amazingly impressed.
"She has my nose, though," Kara said, chuckling.
"Well," Cat took a deep breath, recollecting her words. "Good thing that yours suits you."
"Was that a compliment?" Kara said, smiling wider.
"Take it as you please," Cat replied softly.
Kara smiled. Cat noticed how confident Kara's gaze was toward her. The distant, anxious, nervous look was replaced by what Cat though was admiration and comfort. There was something different about them. Something Cat couldn't voice out loud. Something Cat has never seen before.
"Is her name…" Cat asked, looking at their clasped hands. Cat always dreamed of a specific name. Kara fell in love immediately when Cat mentioned it to her. She could only imagine a little Cat Grant running in her living room. The name was perfect.
Green eyes met blue, Cat was fearful for a moment, waiting edgily for Kara's to finish her sentence.
"Olivia." Kara nodded. "You wanted to name her like that so that you could call her—
"Ollie." Cat finished the sentence. She cried freely for the second time without feeling restrained in Kara's eyes.
"She's four," Kara said, taking deep breaths, matching her wife's.
"Is she outside?"
"Yes, Maggie brought—my sister's girlfriend," Kara smiled, remembering these people were strangers to her wife. Cat didn't even know Kara had a sister. "She's outside with Carter."
"I don't—I don't know if I'm ready to see her," Cat said, removing her hands from Kara's. "I would like to avoid any awkward encounters, or expose her out of her comfort zone." Cat sighed.
"You and Olive have a special bond." Cat smiled softly at Kara's nickname for Olivia. "I'm sure it will be love at first sight... All over again."
Cat glanced at Kara again. How Kara was acting around her eliminated a few questions she had earlier regarding their marriage. Every minute she spent with the millennial was proven that Kara cared about her.
"Can you tell me more about her?"
"Of course," Kara smiled. "Her favorite color is orange, she loves pepperoni pizza, bananas and she's obsessed with Supergirl. Oh, and she adores elephants."
Cat wiped her tears. She wasn't fond of all the crying. Nevertheless, it seems natural to do in Kara's presence.
"She does this thing, which you love actually," Kara smiled while standing. "Every time she wants to say… I love you…" Kara turned, fixing her eyes with Cat. "Olive slides her index finger on top of our noses." Kara chuckled, and Cat thought it was contagious, so she chuckled as well. "It started when she was two. We'd tell her that we love her, but in return, she would slide her finger on top of our noses."
Cat reminded quiet, fixing her pillows and sitting better in bed. Something was refreshing about how her assistant was speaking, it was bizarre.
"The gesture is so simple like she takes time to slide her finger on top of our nose. Olive decides not to use the tip of her finger. She uses the side. It's like you could see how much she cares about us."
"What do I do in response?" Cat said, finding this amusing. It filled her with a lot of happiness.
"You tell her that you love her back. Everybody just tells her. It's not like she can't say it out loud, it's a thing she does. That's how she decides to express herself."
"I'm certain it's delightful to witness."
Kara smiled at her wife. "It is." Suddenly, Kara heard small and quick footsteps approaching Cat's room. She turned to pass the door, trying to erase the wall that blocked her x-ray vision, on the other hand, her glasses were in place.
In a second, the door of the room was wide open, and Olivia ran in with a radiant smile on her face.
"Mommy's awake!"
Cat heart speed at the sight of a stunning blonde girl jumping and smiling at her.
Kara quickly picked Olivia from the floor. The four—year—old bounced slightly in her mother's arms. Cat watched the exchange in silence, which provoked an abrupt change of emotions to Olivia.
Kara was scared. She could hear Olivia's heart speeding slowly inside her chest. Hopefully, Olivia was thinking that she was in trouble for running inside the room. Expediently, Olivia didn't notice Cat's surprised gaze.
"Sorry, she ran," Alex said entering the room. She stopped in front of the bed, sensing the quick tension inside the room.
"Ollie!" Cat said, snapping from her shock.
Cat opened her arms, and Olivia bounced one more time in Kara's arms. With an enormous smile, Kara released Olivia on top of the bed. The four— year— old crawled happily on her way to her mother's arms.
Cat's emotions were raw and vibrant. Everything seems to stop around her, Kara smile comforted her, the other woman in the room was long forgotten. All she could concentrate was in the beautiful girl coming her way.
Cat glanced at Olivia's tiny hands, pushing quickly on the mattress. Ollie's yellow dress bounced as she pressed her knees forward to reach her. Kara was right. She was gorgeous, beautiful, and perfect.
Olivia jumped in her mother's arms, snuggling closer. Cat embraced her quickly, sliding her hands on top of the gold hair and inhaling her daughter's coconut shampoo softly.
Cat glanced at Kara, her eyes watered. Suddenly, Kara wasn't the only familiar person in the room anymore. Something changed when Olivia embraced her.
"Aunt Maggie said we're having a sleepover, tonight!" Olivia said, breaking their embrace and looking at her mother's teary eyes. "Does your head hurt?" She asked, noticing the look in her mother's eyes.
"Um… not anymore," Cat said, smiling softly.
"Did you take a nap?" Olivia said, moving from on top of her mother. She lifted the covers and snuggled closer to her mother.
"Yes, a long one." Cat lifted her hand and cuddled with Ollie.
"That means you'll be awake all night. It's night time, mommy. We sleep at night time."
"That means, you'll be awake too. I recall you say you're having a sleepover with Aunt Maggie." Olivia laughed, and it became Cat's favorite noise.
She felt happier than ever, Olivia was everything she wished. The young girl in her arms dissipated the hollowness in her heart.
Tiny hands moved around Cat left the side, Olivia noticed the bandage on the back of her head. She pushed her hands on the bed, lifted her body and kissed the gauze.
"Now it won't hurt," Ollie said going back to her previous position.
"Thank you, Ollie," Cat said, pressing a kiss on top of Olivia's head.
"How are you feeling, Cat?" Alex said from across the room. Cat glanced back at the stranger standing next to Kara.
"I'm well, thank you." Cat smiled, back to the woman. Kara was grateful for the calm tone and the simple smile of her wife.
"Do you think Supergirl will come and visit you, mommy?" Ollie said, playing with her mother's fingers.
"I don't know, darling," Cat said, pressing another kiss on the top of Ollie's head. "She could be busy, rescuing or saving someone."
"She flew you here," Ollie said, raising her eyebrows.
"Aunt Maggie said that?" Cat asked softly.
Ollie nodded. "And Aunt Alex." Cat connected the dots. Kara said that Maggie, her sister's girlfriend brought Olivia in. She didn't know who the person standing beside to Kara was, but Cat was sure it was one of the aunts.
"I was taking a nap when she brought me in." Cat smiled and looked at Kara. Her eyes were normal, somehow giving Cat the green light on the topic she was having with her daughter. "I guess she did."
"It was better that way," Ollie said, opening her green eyes wide and nodding her head. Cat gulped and reminded neutral of what her daughter was saying. "You'd be scared. Supergirl probably covered your eyes, mommy."
Cat laughed, Ollie was smart, incredibly smart. It took Cat a second to understand what her daughter was talking about.
"If I ever fly with Supergirl, my eyes will be wide open," Ollie said, placing her hands under the eyes, and stretching her eyelids with her fingers, emphasizing her wide eyes.
Kara laughed, and everyone joined in the room. The was no words to express how Cat was feeling with Olivia in her arms. Somehow, all of this was less painful. She wanted to remember everything. She wanted to be part of all that Olivia was. But she couldn't deny that meeting Olivia felt like instant happiness.
Kara turned toward Alex and smiled softly. "Is the power back?"
"Yes," Alex said, touching the back of her ear. "National City will be okay. You did a great job."
Kara looked back to her daughter and wife. They were engrossed in conversation about Elephants. "We'll be right back, okay?" Kara said and left the room with Alex behind her. As soon as the door was shut, she saw Carter speaking with Gabrielle.
She blocked every sound until she heard Carter asking if the amnesia was going to be permanent. She turned her head, avoiding listening to the answer to that conversation.
"Gabrielle spoke to you as well?" Kara asked Alex, looking at the floor. She held her hands in front of her. Alex noticed this and grabbed Kara's hand.
"No, what's going on."
"Cat has retrograde amnesia. She forgot five years of her life." Alex's face was blank, she turned toward the door and furrowed her brows, remembering Cat and Olivia exchange, and turned back to meet Kara watery eyes.
"She-Cat doesn't remember you guys?"
"She hit her head, maybe if I was fast enough she
"Don't blame this on yourself, Kara."
"I can't help it, Alex."
Alex embraced Kara quickly. "We'll help her remember okay. We can do some studies back at the DEO, find a way to accelerate her mental activity, I'm not leaving you alone in this." Kara cried, softly in her sister's arms.
She composed herself and cleaned her tears. Her shoulder sting again, and her head pounded slowly. "Where's Maggie?" Kara asked, looking around for her.
"There was a robbery before the power went on in the city. She had to go."
"Did they get the—
"Yes, they are in custody." Kara sighed and nodded.
She looked back at Gabrielle and Carter talking a few feet away from them. She glanced at the cafeteria down the hall. She saw people leaving the place with cups of coffee in hands.
She glanced back to the closed door and then back to Alex.
"Alex, where were you after I spoke with Gabrielle and went inside the room."
"What do you mean?"
"Where did you take Olive?" Kara asked.
"We were in the cafeteria. We bought a hot chocolate." Kara looked back at the cafeteria down the hall and then back to Cat's room.
"You were down there?" Kara asked.
"Yes, I'm—I'm not following Kara."
"You ran after Olive."
"Yes, she just ran out of the—
Kara turned to the cafeteria and then back to Alex. Could it be possible?
"Gabrielle is telling Carter about Cat as we speak, you didn't know Cat lost her memories, Maggie is not here and Olivia ran from the cafeteria to see her mother."
"Are you saying that—
"Olivia was down there with you." Kara pointed toward the cafeteria. "And ran over here to see her awake mother." Kara pointed back to Cat's closed door.
Alex placed her hands on her waist and turned back and forth as if she was calculating the distance in between the cafeteria and Cat's room.
"Olivia heard her mother's voice," Alex said understanding what her sister was telling her. "Olivia has superhearing."