Disclaimer: I don't own Dissidia or Final Fantasy, they belong to Squareenix. If I did, I wouldn't be poor. WARNING: X-overs start on this page! I repeat; X-overs start on this page! I don't own the anime or game characters crossing over!

There's just a bunch of crack and hilarity in this story. OCS and characters from other series will appear. There will be random character bashing in the story.

Chapter 2: Employment and Chaos p1 (Cloud, Lightning, Kefka, Jecht, Kain, and Sephiroth)

It was rush hour in the big, cars, trucks and vans were going in different direction towards their way to their destinations. There were also some idiotic speeders who were quickly arrested.

Even during the height of said frenzy, order must still be maintained and the law must be upheld. This is where the police come in. Yet despite of their honorable efforts, the amount of work was starting to overwhelm them. What they need was muscle. No, a soldier! Thus the sign, or signs, they were looking for was just right outside. Outside were a certain Chocobo head, pinkette, and lion. His blue eyes carefully examined the requirements and took out the papers necessary. He had no doubt he would be accepted, so he marched in without hesitation. The lion looked at the requirements and marched in with the Chocobo head and took the papers needed. The pinkette just marched in after them, knowing she'll get accepted as well.

They looked around, the receptionist was directly in front them but there was also a huge line of applicants. Squall and Lightning weren't the type for lines, so they decided to "shorten" the line a bit. But the Cloud head stopped them and send a glare towards them that convinced them to wait in line.

Two hours later...

While Cloud was patiently waiting in line, Squall and Lightning looked ready to explode, completely red from top to bottom. They decided to wait a little longer because of the fact they were just three people away from the receptionist. But, as fate had decided to toy with them, some random idiot ran past the line and cut right in front of them! Lightning and Squall saw the whole event happen, which cause them to lose it.

"TO HELL WITH THIS!" they both shouted out of pure rage and decided to mess the place up a bit and teach them a lesson. Squall took out his Gunblade and unleashed an insane amount of Fated Circles, Revolver Drives, Blasting Zones, and Rough Divides on the poor applicants with a crazed look on his face. Lighting did the same as she unleashed an incredible amount of Razor Gales, Lighting Strikes, Crushing Blows, and Thunder falls on them with a wicked look on her face. People screamed and ran away from the rage crazed duo as they went berserk on the applicants who trying to run away from them.

Two hour later…

Squall and Lightning finally cooled down as they proudly strolled to the front of the line where Cloud was shaking his disappointingly at the duo as he waited the single applicant had been spared of the chaos. Amazingly, neither applicant nor reception noticed what the duo had just done.

"Well, it looks like all of your requirements are here." He handed him a piece of paper, "Go straight to the academy there and show them this so you can enroll there. Well, see ya in the force."

The man looked very pleased, but when turned around and saw the massacre, he looked at Cloud who was pointing his thumb at Squall and Lightning, who were whistling 'innocently'. He soon left in a hurry with a paled look on his face.

"What's with him?" Squall and Lightning asked simultaneously to no one in particular. Cloud pinched the bridge of his nose, suppressing a headache from coming as he mumbled, "Why do I deal with this every time this happens ...?"

Cloud then turned his attention to the receptionist, who standing there with a smile on his face.

Cloud walked up to the receptionist and stated, "I'm here to apply for a job."

"Of course, sir. Let me see your papers, please."

Cloud handed his papers to the receptionist, who examined and handed him a few more papers, "I'll need you to fill these up, please."

Cloud grabbed the papers and walked towards a nearby table to fill them out.

Five minutes later…

He silently filled them up with no problem at all. At least until he heard the receptionist scream, "HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!"

Cloud soon felt a headache coming up as he looked up to see Lightning strangling the receptionist with a demonic look on her face while Squall ignored his cries for help as he filled out his papers.

Cloud then separated Lightning from the receptionist and calm her down as he asked, "What do you think you doing, Lightning?"

Lightning send a glare towards the reception, who then cringed and crawled towards a corner, and looked at Cloud before telling him what happened.

"So, when you went to get your papers, he handed them to you and fondled you at the last second?"

"YES! THAT LITTLE PERV NEEDS TO DIE!"

"I doubt he did that on purpose…" Squall replied.

"SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS, SQUALL!"

"What's going on here!" an authoritative voice asked.

They all turned to see two police officers step inside the room. He had short gray hair, gray eyes and a band-aid above his left eye.

"Who the hell are you suppose to be?" Lightning asked, still sending glares at the receptionist.

The police officer said," I'm the one asking questions! Who are you three?"

"I'm Cloud Strife."

"Lightning Farron"

"Squall Leonhart."

"We're all applicants," he gestured towards the helpless receptionist who was in Lightning's grasp, "I'm currently trying to stop my friend from killing the receptionist. Soldier Style, at that."

"So…you're all applicants?"

"Yeah. Pretty much." Cloud replied bluntly.

The police officer observed the completely broken maxi glass Lightning had broken with her bare hands, and the horrified face on the receptionist's face. He then looked at the officer behind him and shouted, "Officer Uindo! Get these people uniforms! On the double! Stat!"

Lightning dropped the receptionist, who soon crawled away from her, and showed a pleased look on her face. Cloud was gaping at how simple it was to get a job. Squall scoffed and said, "I have no need for small jobs like that."

The Officer went over to Squall and examined his papers before shouting, "Officer Uindo! Call the military! They're going to like this guy!" Said Officer that returned with uniforms for Cloud and Lightning, had headed for the phone.

The Officer clapped them on their backs and said, "You two start tomorrow at seven A.M sharp! By the way, name's Akihiko Sanada!

They nodded and walked away. As they did, they saw a large camouflage car parked outside with people in matching camouflage uniforms charging in the building.

'That must be this world's military.' Cloud thought,' I wonder how the others are doing…'

Elsewhere on the other side of town…

A random ringmaster examined the person in front of him; to him he looked exactly like a clown from top to bottom. Now all the clown needs was talent to entertain the audience.

'What the heck,' the ringmaster thought, 'If he walked across town to join us looking like a clown, I might as well let him.'

"You hired, Mr.…umm"

"Kefka Palazzo" Kefka replied.

"Alright then, Mr. Kefka! I just need to see a demonstration of you skills."

Kefka grinned maniacally, "Don't worry pal. I'll bring the house down when you see my skills."

The poor ringmaster doesn't even know what he's got himself into…

Elsewhere back on the other side of town…

Jecht strode down the halls of the city high school, where he had easily earned a job. While he walked towards the double doors, he heard a big boom from somewhere. He looked out the window to see a large cloud of flames and smoke coming from the other side of town; one word entered his mind, "Kefka…"

He ignored the explosion outside and walked towards through the double doors, and what welcomed him was a group of teenagers who chatting to each other until they noticed him walk in.

He stepped in front of class and introduced himself, "Sup, name's Jecht! And I'm your new soccer coach! I'm going to be honest with ya; I won't be going easy on you, wusses!"

The class then gulped nervously while others sweat bullets, already feeling what's going to happen next.

"And what exactly what are we going to do, Jecht?"

They all turned see a certain man with long blonde hair and purple eyes. The class didn't know who the man, but Jecht recognized him instantly…

"Kain! What are you doing here, buddy?"

"I saw you applying for a job here, so I decided to get one as assistant coach."

The class suddenly realized they were beyond screwed if this guy is the assistant coach.

Jecht smiled at the thought of Kain being his assistant in getting the soccer team into shape.

"Alright then, on the field, now! Ninety laps around the track field! Let's move it now, wusses! Jecht yelled.

"I expect no one to slack off in this routine now." Kain said in an authoritative voice that can send chills down anyone's spine.

The class then dashed outside the gym, and toward the track field, already starting their laps within seconds.

"Come on, now! Put your backs into it! You call that running? My great, great, great, great, great grandma can run faster than that! Move it now!"

A few students started puking after the first five minutes of 'exercise'. Jecht and Kain laughed a bit at that and told the other students to run until they puked.

They soon were told to lift heavy objects like a cinderblocks, bricks, and even I-beams, vaults, and a incinerator.

"Jecht, are you sure about this exercise?" Kain asked.

"Sure I'm sure! I'm the Invincible sir Jecht!" Jecht replied with pride in his voice.

"So, is this the only job you have?"

"Nah, me and Tif run a bar at the other side of town."

"A bar? you and Tifa?"

"Yep! How bout you?"

"I only know that Cecil runs an astronomy at the edge of town with Exdeath and Cloud of Darkness as his assistants.

Jecht's eyes bulged out when he said that.

"Don't ask, even I don't know why."

"Bartz is running an impersonation act at birthday parties."

"I'm not even surprised by that."

"Me either."

"And Zidane is...you know."

"Thieving again?"

"That and women have been saying they saw a...blonde monkey with twin blades running around the women's hot spring and changing room."

"Heh...that little bastard."

"I know something like that isn't...HEY YOU! I SAID NO SLACKING OFF, WHEELER! SAME WITH YOU ELRIC!"

Said blonde students start running again and with incinerators in tow.

'And I thought I was tough on Tidus...' Jecht thought

"Anyway, I also heard that Sephiroth has a last name."

"Really, what is it?"

Kain looks at a copy of Sephiroth's birth certificate and his eyes bulge out for a few seconds and started snickering.

"Pfft... Safer?"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! SAFER! HIS NAME IS SEPHIROTH SAFER! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"I know right?" Kain said before laughing alongside with Jecht.

And so begins the torturing session, courtesy of the great Jecht and Kain Highwind …

One hour later

After gym class, the class looked like they were on the verge of death. Some of them were still puking from the 'exercise' and either got sent home or to the hospital. They did not want to go to gym class ever again. They wearily got to history class and sat down in their desk, noticing the teacher wasn't here yet.

"I wonder who the history teacher is?" a random male student asked. He had silver hair, light skin, and gray eyes.

"I hope he isn't someone like Jecht or Highwind. That would make this school hell on earth." A random female student shivered at the thought. She had long red hair tied into a braid, fair skin, and black eyes.

"I doubt it's going to be that easy." Another random male student said. He had black hair, dark spiky skin, and brown eyes.

"W-what do you mean by that, Shinji?" Another random female student said. She had long dark blue hair, pale skin, and lavender eyes.

"The teacher for this class is a Mr. Safer, Hinata." Shinji replied.

"H-how is that bad, Shinji?" Hinata asked.

"Jecht and Kain wore discussing about their friends; I know that a Safer was among them."

All the students in the class paled when they learned that the teacher knows Jecht and Kain.

"D-don't be afraid everyone! I'm sure this teacher is a different Safer than the one Kain and Jecht were talking about." Another random male student said. He had blonde spiky hair, light skin, whisker like marks on his cheeks, and cerulean eyes.

"So, I see all of you have met my old friends, Jecht and Kain." A familiar voice said.

Creepy music started playing in the background as the students saw the teacher. He had all too familiar long silver hair and green cat-like eyes. He was wearing a dark long sleeved button-up shirt with a light blue tie, black pants, and black shoes. He carried an impossibly long sword, and a familiar black leather jacket.

The lyrics had started playing as soon as he approached the desk.

Estuans interious
ira vehementi
Estuans interious
ira vehementi

"Hello, class. My name is-"

Sephiroth! (X 2)

"But call me Mr. Safer while we're on school grounds."

Black feathers then came out of nowhere. One student was in agony as one feather got in his eye while others were having heart attacks for having him as a teacher. Sephiroth paid them no heed as he continued.

"Know one thing class, I'm going to make sure this will be a school year you'll never forget. I refuse to be a memory."

Estuans interious
ira vehementi
Estuans interious
ira vehementi

Sephiroth! (X 2)

The class suddenly realized they were beyond screwed if this guy is the history teacher. Shinji hid under his desk cursing his luck so much he didn't noticed that Sephiroth came over until, "You! What do you think you doing under there?" Shinji looked over his shoulder to see Sephiroth with a questioned look on his face.

"Nothing, sir…" he replied with a shaky voice.

"Then sit in your seat, class is about to begin…" he said with a slasher/Pedo/Kefka smile on his face.

Shinji then sit in his desk and hoped the new teacher won't kill him or molest him.

"Now, then class, we will be starting on chapter twelve. I expect you to answer all the questions at the end of the chapter by the end of the week or else..." he said in a menacing voice.

The class gulped at what are the consequences might be.

"And what would the consequences be?" asked a random male student. He had blonde hair tied in a braid, and gold eyes.

"One, detention." everyone relaxed...

"Two, Expelling you." everyone tensed.

"Three, having my blade up your ass " Everyone paled.

"And Four, your head," Cue sinister and wicked smile, "In my trophy case with your ass over my fireplace and the rest of you on my plate tonight." Everyone crapped their pants or skirts in a girl's cases.

Shinji could only think of a few simple words, 'THIS IS GOING TO BE HELL…'

Back to where Kefka was,

The circus was in ruins. The animals were going berserk, the circus people were in a panic, and the ringmaster was staring at Kefka with wide eyes.

"So, how was that? Did I get the job?"

The circus people were staring at him, wide eyed at the fact he wants to join, even when he demolished the place, whipped the ringmaster and circus actors several times, and burnt the animals to ashes.

"DO YOU GOT THE JOB! DO! YOU! GOT! THE! JOB?" the ringmaster yelled hysterically.

"Yes. So do I got the job?"

The circus cast expected him to be denied, but instead, "YOU…ARE…HIRED!"

Their eyes bulged out as they stared at the ringmaster thinking he had gone mad.

"With your impressive display of tricks, we are sure to give the greatest show on earth!"

Kefka cackled manically at the thought of everyone's reaction to the show, "Oh, don't worry pal. I'm going to make it a show they'll never forget!"

Kefka then skipped off to get ready for the big show tomorrow, cackling all the while.

"I might as well pay a visit to my favorite weapon of mass destruction before the show." Said Kefka as he went to find Terra.

That's all for this chapter! Sorry if it wasn't funny enough. Don't worry, next chapter focuses on Lightning, Cloud, Squall, and bonus: Gilgamesh. And some of the students should be people you recognize from a anime or game. Keep reviewing!