Blood and dirt bonded with the water that poured down Nicole's frame. The water in at the bottom of the shower was nothing but a dark reddish-brown. Tears brimmed Nicole's eyes as she thought about Sophia and how scared she was in the moments before her death.
Nicole thought about the fear that plastered her eyes as she took her last breath. All of these emotions hit her at once because she had been repressing them in order to achieve her goal -- get back home.
Nicole knew the outcome of bringing home a dead girl. She knew that there would be outlash because she couldn't protect that little girl. She tried. She really did, but that wasn't enough to bring Sophia back alive. Nicole knew that she was a failure.
The woman slid down the back of the shower and began to bawl into her knees. Her arms encased her calves and she ignored the aching from her severely discolored and inflamed ankle.
Nicole didn't budge when there was a soft knocking at the door. It opened and an older blonde woman walked in. "Uh, here are some clothes for you," the woman's gentle voice sounded. "Someone from your group found these for you and told me to give them to you," she said as she dropped a pair of combat boots beside the toilet. "They're about ready to have a funeral for the ones we lost. Figured you might want to be there," she murmured as she walked out of the room.
Nicole stifled a sob at the thought of a funeral -- at the thought of putting Sophia into the ground and it was her fault. She had seen more death in the last four months than she had in her entire life. She wished that it was her that they buried in the ground and not the innocent beam of hope that everyone loved so dearly.
Nicole slowly stood back up, using the sides of the shower as support. She finished cleaning the blood from her body and hair before she twisted the shower off. Nicole was left in the silence after that. She stood still, listening to the water drip from her body and the showerhead. With a shaky and tearful sigh, Nicole stepped out of the shower.
She tried her best to keep weight off of her ankle as she grabbed a towel from the rack beside the toilet. She wrapped it around herself and sat down on the lid. Nicole debated whether or not to attend the funeral. She wasn't sure anyone wanted her there.
Ever so slowly, Nicole dried herself off and began pulling on the clothes that the woman gave her. A sleeveless, baby blue button up and a pair of black jeans eventually made its way onto the curvatures of her body. "Are you decent?" Nadia's voice asked from behind the door.
"Yeah," Nicole uttered as she began slipping a pair of socks on. Nadia entered the room holding a wrap and an ankle brace. "Oh, fan-freaking-tastic," Nicole spat out under her breath.
"I am going to assume that you don't like being limited to one space," Nadia chuckled as she bent in front of the emotional woman. Nicole ignored her and tried to pull her sock over her swollen ankle. Nadia sighed and helped her.
"I got it," Nicole spat out. She hated having to be taken care of. Most of her life, she was forced into drug-induced oblivion and into the arms of a man who controlled every aspect of her. After she escaped his choking grasp, she started to hate the idea of someone else taking care of her.
"Clearly not, so shut up and let me help you," Nadia snapped back. Nicole gave her a look of loathing, but shut up. Nadia finished sliding Nicole's sock over her ankle and began to wrap it. "Try to limit how much you move around the next few days. Your swelling will go down," she told the woman before she slid the brace over it.
"Okay," Nicole whispered. Was she going to listen? Probably not, but she agreed for the sake of not arguing.
Nadia grabbed the combat boots beside them. She slipped it onto her left foot before starting to pull an ankle brace over the right one. "This is going to be uncomfortable, but you need to leave it on," Nadia ordered as she then slid on the boot. It was difficult from the layers of fabric underneath it, but she managed to get it on.
Nadia helped Nicole up. Nicole's balance was iffy, but it was better than before. She had actual support on her ankle that allowed her to move properly. The began walking -- or in Nicole's case a mixture of limping and walking -- to where the funeral was being held. Everyone gathered around three graves where Nicole assumed that Sophia and Maggie's step-mom and brother were laid to rest.
When Nicole reached the group, some of them glared at her and others held a look of sympathy and sadness. Cheyanne stood next to Daryl, holding onto his pant leg. He looked uncomfortable, but he wasn't going to tell the little girl otherwise.
Andrea glared at Nicole before storming away. Rick glanced over to his friend and gently placed his hand on her shoulder before walking away. Nicole felt tears brim her eyes once again when she saw the amount of anger and disgust in her group's eyes. She even saw a twinge of it inside her own best friend's and that is what got her the most.
Nicole watched as her family walked away from her, leaving her standing with Nadia, Daryl, and Cheyanne. Daryl and Nicole's eyes met. He scoffed and began storming away with Cheyanne's hand in his. Nicole cleared her soggy throat before limp-marching after them. "Daryl, Cheyanne, wait!"
Daryl swung around to meet Nicole. "What the hell you want?"
"I'm sorry," Nicole murmered out.
"Huh? What was that? You too proud to admit that you killed that little girl?!" Daryl's voice spat out. He got closer to Nicole, which made her tense.
"I didn't mean too!" Nicole cried. "I tried, Daryl! I tried so damn hard to get us both back home! Back to you! Back to her," Nicole yelled and pointed to both Daryl and Cheyanne.
"You didn't try hard enough then! All you had to do was keep an eye on her!" He screamed, stepping even closer to Nicole. It caused her to flinch. That's when Daryl went silent.
"If you feel like you need to hit me, do it. Do what you need to do to," Nicole spoke in a soft tone of voice. She felt weak and caged under her skin. She hated that feeling.
Daryl scoffed, "Just go. No one wants you here, not even your daughter. If your head wasn't shoved up Rick and Lori's asses, you'da be left on the side of the freaking road!"
Nicole let out a tearful sigh, but Daryl didn't stop. "Just leave. No one wants you here anymore. I know I made a promise to Jess, but just leave. It's clear that you only care about yourself enough to survive," Daryl spat before storming off, leaving Cheyanne standing there with a look of hatred on her face.
"I hate you," she spat before running back to Daryl. Those three words hit Nicole harder than anything Daryl had said. Nicole never thought that she would hear her daughter say that and actually mean it. Nicole turned around, tears fell down her cheeks. She began limping back to the house alone. When she reached the farmhouse, she saw Hershel climbing into the car Nadia and her got on the highway. She ran over to him. "Hershel, where are you going?"
"To get a drink," he responded as he started up the vehicle.
Nicole sighed. He had lost everything in the span of a second. She felt for him. "Can-" she choked on the tears in her throat. "Can I come with you?"
Hershel thought for a moment before motioning her inside. Nicole jogged around -- or well, as fast as she could -- and got into the other side. Hershel then sped off.
Nicole hoped that no one knew they were leaving. She hoped that the burning taste of liquor would soothe the aching in her heart. Nicole knew that she was an emotional drunk, but she wanted to get out of her head. She didn't want to be herself any longer.
It didn't take long for the two of them to reach the bar -- Hatlin's. Hershel didn't hesitate to put the vehicle into park and run inside. Nicole grabbed her bat from the backseat and got out of the car slowly. She then made her way inside the bar, where Hershel was already gulping down Tequila.
He noticed Nicole's limping presence and poured her a drink and sat it beside him. Nicole sat down, taking the drink and the two began drinking.
It wasn't long before Nicole heard the door open. She turned her head to the door, meeting the eyes of Glenn and Rick. With a scoff, Nicole downed the rest of the vodka she had in her glass and turned back toward the bar.
"Hershel," Rick's raspy voice came from behind them. Nicole rolled her eyes when he said her name afterward.
"Who's with you?" Hershel asked as Nicole poured herself another shot of vodka.
"Glenn," Rick responded.
"He only came because Maggie sent him," Nicole scoffed before swallowing her shot.
"Actually, he volunteered," Rick shot back. "He's good like that."
"Whatever," Nicole murmured, pouring another drink. She wanted the get trashed and forget about what a failure she had become.
Rick's footsteps echoed along the floorboards as he walked over. He leaned next to Nicole. "How many have y'all had?"
"Not enough," Hershel responded, peering down to his half-empty glass.
"Let's finish this up back at home," Rick spoke in a pleading voice to both of his friends. "Beth collapsed, is in some sort of state." Rick glanced to both of them. "I think you are too, Hershel."
"Maggie's with her?" Hershel asked, slightly concerned about his daughter. Nicole just sat there taking sips of her glass.
"Yeah, but Beth needs you," Rick pleaded. "We need both of you."
Before Nicole could respond, Hershel started to talk. "What could I do? She needs her mother. Or rather to mourn like she should've done weeks ago," he sighed. "I robbed her of that. I see that now." Hershel and Nicole both raised their glasses to their mouths. She relished in the burn that traveled down her throat.
"Don't beat yourself up," Nicole slurred slightly. "You thought that there was a cure. You can't blame yourself for holding hope in this shit world." Nicole continued to drink after that.
"She's right," Rick added on.
"Hope? When I first saw you running across my field with your boy in your arms, I had little hope that he would survive," Hershel said as he looked up to Rick.
"But he did," Rick rasped shifting his weight onto a single arm.
"He did. Even though we lost Otis," Hershel responded to Rick. Nicole wanted to question who Otis was but she still had enough sense in her tipsy self not to. "Your man Shane made it back and we saved your boy. That was the miracle that proved to me that miracles do exist."
Nicole sat in silence listening to Hershel's tearful claims as he nursed his drink. Nicole knew she couldn't fully relate to his pain, but she knew that she was hurting too. Just in a different way. "Only it was a sham, a bait, and switch," Hershel continued.
"I was a fool, Rick, and you people saw that," he said ashamed of himself. "My daughters deserve better than that." Hershel sighed and downed the rest of his drink. He then refilled it and refilled Nicole's.
"Just leave us alone, Rick," Nicole snapped out. "This is what Hershel wants and this is what I need because it is pretty obvious that everyone hates me at the moment." Nicole harshly grabbed her glass and downed it again. She could feel the effects starting to take a toll.
Rick sighed, "We need you back at home, Nikki. Everyone is just dealing in their own ways."
"That may very well be true but-" Nicole choked on tears. "I can't go back there when everyone would rather watch me burn in hell than help me," She croaked out. "Y'all aren't the only ones that are grieving."
Rick huffed out a breath and gently placed his hand onto Nicole's left shoulder before walking away toward Glenn. "So what do we do? Wait for them to pass out?"
Nicole scoffed and Hershel yelled at them to leave. "I promised Maggie and Cheyanne that I would bring you both home safe," Rick retorted back to him.
Nicole scoffed again, "And you're so good at keeping promises. Hell, you couldn't even help me get Sophia back safe." Nicole knew that was out of bounds because it wasn't his fault. Not entirely.
"So what's y'all's plan? Finish that bottle?" Rick started to march over to the pair. "Drink yourselves to death and leave your girls alone?"
"Yep!" Nicole chirped as she downed another drink and refilled it as Hershel got up and started defending himself.
"Stop telling me how to care for my family, my farm," he spat as he got in Rick's face. "You people are like a plague! I do the Christian thing, give you shelter, and you destroy it all!"
"The world was already in bad shape when we met," Rick shot back.
Nicole could literally feel the tension and smell the testosterone in the room. Could she give a damn? Nope, not really. She kindled her drink as the men fought behind her.
"And you take no responsibility! You're supposed to be their leader!" Hershel yelled. Nicole thought about how quickly Rick had taken the leadership role in the group. Within a matter of days, everyone was willing to follow him to the ends of the earth even if it was a mistake. Ha, she wished people gave an enough of a damn about her to do that.
"Well, I'm here now, aren't I?" Rick snapped. Nicole flinched slightly at Rick's raised voice. She'd never heard him truly yell like that before. He was always so mellow and rational about things, so hearing him snap like that, startled her. It pulled her away from her drink.
"Yes," Hershel said in a sarcastic tone. "Yes," he repeated before turning to head back to his drink. "Yes, you are." He sat back down and started to drink again.
"Now, come on. Both of you. Your girls need you both now more than ever," Rick said from in between the two of them. He placed his hand on Hershel's shoulder. Nicole jumped when Hershel swung his arm to get it off.
"I didn't want to believe you. You told me there was no cure, that these people were dead, not sick. I chose not to believe that," Hershel started to rant. Nicole sighed and downed the remaining bit of her drink. She didn't reach for another one though.
"But when Shane shot Lou in the chest and she just kept coming, that's when I knew what an ass I'd been, that Annette had been dead long ago and I was feeding a rotten corpse. That's when I knew there was no hope," Hershel's voice cracked. "And when Nicole carried that little girl over, the look on your face --" Nicole's heart twinged at that. "I knew you knew it too."
"There's no hope in this world anymore," Nicole murmured, picking at her nails. "All of us know it now," she scoffed. "About damn time."
Hershel nodded his head, "There's no hope for any of us." He turned back toward the bar and drank his drink. "You want more?" he asked Nicole as he filled up his glass again. Nicole nodded her head, and Hershel refilled it again.
That's when Rick snapped again, "Look, I'm done. I'm not doing this anymore, cleaning up after the both of you. You know what the truth is?" Rick got in Hershel's face. "Nothing has changed. Death is death. It's always been there," he said before meeting Nicole's eyes. "Whether it's from a heart attack, cancer or a walker. What's the difference?"
Nicole sighed and nursed her drink instead of downing it as she had been before.
"Neither of you thought it was hopeless before, did you?" he questioned. That hit Nicole hard. That's when she knew that he was right. "Now there are people back at home trying to hang on. They need us, even if it's just to give them a reason to go on, even if we don't believe in ourselves."
Rick rubbed his stubble. "You know what? This -- this isn't about what we believe anymore," Rick paused glancing to both of the people he was between. "It's about them."
Hershel paused for a moment and downed his drink. "Nicole?" Rick inquired when he looked over. Nicole sighed, looking at the glass. She quickly downed it as put it down as the door opened and two men entered.
"Son of a bitch. They're alive," one of them said with a smug smirk on his face. No one said anything as they walking in. "You mind if we get a drink?"
Nicole sat silently with the rest of them. The men walked over and sat down. Rick glanced to the group before grabbing the remainder of Hershel and Nicole's bottle. He began pouring liquor into shot glasses.
"I'm Dave," the smaller guy said. "That scrawny-looking douche bag there is Tony."
"Eat me, Dave," the bigger guy, Tony, shot back.
"Hey, maybe someday I will," Dave responded as he reached for a shot. "We met on I-95 coming out of Philly. Damn shit-show that was."
"I'm Glenn. It's nice to meet some new people," Glenn spoke from behind Nicole. Rick walked over and handed him a shot glass.
"Rick Grimes," Rick told them. Hershel and Nicole sat silent.
"What about you, pal? Have one?" Dave asked Hershel.
"I just quit," he responded.
"What about you, sweetcheeks?" Tony questioned from the bar.
"No, thanks," Nicole shot him down.
"Well, you have a unique sense of timing, my friends," Dave gave a smirk.
"We ain't friends," Nicole quipped out, earning a glare from Rick.
"Oh, ouch," Dave chuckled. "That's Hershel and Nicole. He lost a lot of people today and she's had a rough one," Rick introduced them.
"Well, I'm truly sorry to hear that," Dave sounded sincere, "To better days and new friends." Nicole watched his body language. He seemed overly relaxed to be in a room full of strangers. "And to our dead -- may the be in a better place."
Everyone who had a shot glass drank it. Dave put his glass down and reached across the table to the actual bottle. Nicole tenses when she saw the gun tucked in his waistband. So did Rick, who put his hand on his own gun.
Dave saw the groups reaction and pulled it to show them. "Not bad, huh? I got it off a cop."
"I'm a cop,"
"Well, this one was already dead," Dave responded with a slight chuckle. Nicole began to felt horribly uncomfortable. Especially with Tony's eyes staring at her like a piece of meat, which he looked like he could lay off a few ribeyes. But ya know.
"You fellas are a long way from Philadelphia," Rick said, raising his glass to his lips.
"It feels like we're a long way from anywhere," Dave responded a little too quickly for Nicole's liking. She lowered her hand to where her bat leaned against the bar. Thankfully it was still there.
"What drove you south?" Nicole asked quietly.
"Well, I can tell you it wasn't the weather. I must've dropped 30 pounds in sweat alone down here," Dave said as he wiped the sweat from his eyes.
"I wish," Tony uttered out before returning his gaze to Nicole's body. Rick noticed how he was looking at the woman he almost considered a sister.
"No, first it was DC. I heard there might be some kind of refugee camp, but the roads were so jammed, we never even got close. We decided to get off the highways, into the sticks, keep hauling ass. Every group we came across had a new rumor about a way out of this thing," Dave explained.
Nicole started to tune out these men. She felt herself get a little light headed from the amount of liquor she drank in such a short amount of time. Dave's voice asking, "What about you guys?" pulled her from her trance state.
"Fort Benning, eventually," Rick answered. Nicole had no clue what just happened.
"I hate to piss in your cornflakes officer, but..." Dave paused, causing Nicole to cock her head a bit. "We ran across a grunt who was stationed at Benning. He said the place was overrun by Lamebrains."
"Wait, Fort Benning is gone? Are you for real?" Glenn asked from behind Nicole, who kinda forgot he was there for a moment.
"Sadly, I am. The ugly truth is there is no way out of this mess. Just keep going from one pipe dream to the next, praying one of these mindless freaks doesn't grab you in your sleep," Dave said.
Nicole and Rick shared a look. Were they trying to prove something? Nicole jumped when Dave frantically asked, "It doesn't look like you guys are hanging your hats here. You hold up somewhere else?"
Everyone waited for Rick's lead. "Not really," he eventually spoke up, glancing to Nicole.
"Those your cars out front?"
"Yeah, why?" Glenn asked, which earned a glare from Nicole. He just kind of shrugged in defense.
"We're living in ours. Those look kinda empty, clean. Where's all your gear?" Dave asked.
That's when Hershel spoke up. "We're with a larger group out scouting, thought we could use a drink," he said.
"A drink? Hershel, I thought you quit," Dave responded with a chuckle. No one was amused. "Well, we're thinking of setting up around here. Is it-- is it safe?"
"As safe as it can be with walkers roaming around," Nicole spoke up, picking at her nails nervously.
"Walkers? That what you call them?" Dave asked. He was obviously the more open one of the duo. He almost continually had a smile on his face. That made Nicole distrust him even more. "That's good. I like that. I like that better than lamebrains."
Tony said something, which Nicole disregarded. She was getting more and more nervous by the second. "So you guys set up on the outskirts or something?" Dave asked, pulling Nicole back in. "That new development?" Dave pointed toward the door.
Tony got up and began to walk past, staring at Nicole as he did. "Trailer park or something? A farm?"
Dave began singing Ol' MacDonald as Tony began to urinate in the corner of the room. Nicole cringed at the sound. The two began asking about the farm and eventually Rick shut them down.
"Hang on a second. This farm-- it sounds pretty sweet. Don't it sound sweet, Tony?"
"Yeah, real sweet."
"How about a little southern hospitality?" Dave asked. "We've got some buddies back at camp, been having a real hard time. I don't see why you can't make room for a few more. We could pull our resources, our manpower."
"Look, I'm sorry. That's not an option," Rick responded.
"Doesn't sound like it would be a problem," Dave tried to convince them. Nicole thought it sounded more like a plea than anything. Maybe he wanted to get out of his group or something.
"I'm sorry. We can't," Hershel spoke up, taking Rick's side.
"We can't take in any more," Rick said.
Dave let out a tearful chuckle. Nicole was conflicted now. "You guys are something else. I thought we were friends. We got people we gotta look out for too," Dave pleaded.
"We don't know you," Nicole uttered out, pushing her hair back.
"No, that's true. You don't know anything about us. You don't know what we've had to go through out there, the things we've had to do. I bet you've had to do some of those same things yourself, am I right?" No one responded to Dave's rhetoric. "'Cause ain't nobody's hands clean in what's left of this world. We're all the same. So, c'mon, let's take a nice friendly hayride to this farm and we'll get to know each other."
"That's not gonna happen," Rick said causing Nicole to look up to him.
Tony started to get pissed and yell. Rick tried to diffuse it but it only lit a match. "I'll shoot you four assholes in the head and take your damn farm!" Nicole tensed and gripped her bat, ready to swing. Not like it would do much in a gunfight though.
Dave calmed it down by saying no one was killing anyone and climbed over the bar. Rick tensed and put his hand on his gun. Dave held up his hands and placed the gun on the counter. Dave got a bottle and poured himself a drink before continuing to pry.
Before Nicole realized what was happening, Dave was dead and Rick shot Tony three times before shooting him in the head. Nicole knew why while the others thought it was overkill. Nicole thought about walking around the bar and grabbing Dave's gun.
Rick holstered his python and gave everyone a look. He then looked down to the dead man in front of him.
hey y'all. sorry this is late. i haven't been on my phone much today; my little cousin had to go to the hospital so i went to go see him. it's been a hectic day. anyway, i hope you liked the new chapter. i love y'all, stay safe. peaceee -erin