Hello everyone! Sorry for the huge delay and thanks for being so patient. Life has been a little jam packed but I have written an extra long chapter so enjoy and please review! Thanks and lots of love Miffygirl18 xxx

Chapter 32 – End of the Tether:

Up, up high in the bright blue cloudless sky, two small colourful birds were swooping and gliding through the warm air before diving into the emerald green canopy of the jungle. It was a male and female, flitting from tree to tree with the male in hot pursuit of the female. They landed on a branch and the female started to nuzzle her head against the male's cheek.

The male bird was more than pleased at this gesture of affection. He had been pursuing the female for days, desperately trying to woo her by decorating a display area with many shiny trinkets that he had collected. Then he danced his courtship dance, using the colourful streaks in his tail to attract her, to win her heart. "This is it!" he thought giddily, they were just seconds away from mating when suddenly a loud wailing cry sounded through the jungle. At first they ignored it, hoping it would stop but it didn't. Minutes later it was still incessantly sounding out and the high pitch wails were like nails running down a blackboard!

"What on earth is it that!" the female bird cried, covering her earholes with her wings.

"It's the new man cub!" the male bird replied loudly over the screaming cries, "Lord Tarzan and Lady Jane's baby! It has been doing that a LOT!"

"Maybe we should do this some another time?" the female retorted, anxious to get away from the baby's deafening cries.

"Oh no, no!" the male was now absolutely distraught at the prospect of no longer mating! "Why don't we just fly to another tree, away from the man cub?"

"Oh but I need to hunt for some worms and I should really fix my nest before dark," the female replied, sounding rather reluctant to go with her male companion. "I'll see you around… alright?"

"But, but, but!" the male burbled in panic as the female flew off before he could try to change her mind. He cursed under his breath at the new man cub crushing his chances of mating. The thought of a revengeful pooping on its crying head seemed mighty tempting but he shook at his head at the thought and flew off into the jungle.

"Oh please Jane make it stop! Make it stop!" Terk cried in sheer frustration as William continued to scream his little head off. They were sitting with Kala and a bunch of older female gorillas, chatting and eating happily until the baby started wailing incessantly.

"Him," Kala retorted, "him Terk, not it."

"Yeah well I'm not so sure!" Terk snapped back, covering her ears with her hands.

"I'm so sorry everyone," Jane apologised profusely as she bounced William up and down desperately in her arms. "I have tried feeding, changing AND burping him and nothing has worked!"

"Why don't you hold him differently?" one of the females suggested, "Swing him from side to side?"

Jane did as she was instructed and held her son close to her chest and swung him from side to side. William stopped crying much to everyone's delight!

"It worked!" Jane gasped but her face fell a second later, "Nope! Just stopped to throw up a little!" William immediately started crying again but this time even more adamantly and more high pitched!

"I think I am loosing my mind!" another female gorilla groaned, almost tearing her head hair out.

"How long has William been crying for?" Jane asked as she continued to rock William, desperately trying to comfort her son.

"For an eternity!" Terk snapped, "I swear that baby has been crying nonstop ever since it came out of you Jane! Can't you swap it for another one?!"

"No I can't Terk!" Jane retorted sharply, "It has been ages and he won't stop crying! Anna cried but never as much as this! I think William has got another ear infection, my poor little munchkin."

"Well I tell you that this proves that no good can happen from mating with Tarzan!"

"Here let me try," Kala offered and Jane gratefully placed her son into his grandmother's arms. Kala cleared her throat and began to sing. "Come stop your crying, it will be alright. Just take my hand and hold it tight. I will protect you from all around you. I'll be here, don't you -"

"WWWWWAAAAAAHHHHHH!" William wailed a loud, irritated cry at his grandmother's soothing lullaby, the one she always sang to his father when he was little.

"Nothing works with this child!" she cried in despair and quickly handed the baby back to Jane.

"What am I going to do!" Jane was now absolutely distraught, "I cannot even comfort my own son! I am a terrible mother!"

"I'm going to go and scream into a tree," one female gorilla announced and soon all the other females scarpered, leaving Jane, Terk and Kala alone to cope with the crying baby. Terk almost left as well but a glowering look from Kala made her stay put!

"Hey what's going on?" Tarzan asked as he landed in front of them from the tree above. "I could hear William's cries from the other side of the jungle!"

"William won't stop crying," Jane explained, "I have tried everything!"

"We've ALL tried everything!" Kala added pointedly.

"Here let's me hold him," Tarzan offered and Jane carefully placed the baby in his arms. As soon as Tarzan cradled William in his arms, the baby immediately stopped crying and started to nuzzle his little face into his father's toned chest.

"Have I gone deaf?" Terk gasped in complete shock at the silence. Now all she could hear the rustling of leaves and sweet lilting birdcalls.

"Well it's official," Jane sighed resignedly as she watched William fall asleep, "my son hates me! He never cries when you hold him."

"T from now on, you're primary baby holder!" Terk added and at that comment Jane felt like an absolute failure. She was indeed grateful that Tarzan stopped William crying but she also resented him for it, that he could do it and she couldn't. Secretly, deep down inside her she couldn't help but feeling flashes of resentment towards William too.

"No of course he doesn't hate you Jane," Tarzan said dismissively, "he probably just likes my scent or something." Tarzan looked at his wife and he couldn't help but be concerned at the state she was in. Her skin was pale unlike her normal golden hue and the skin under her eyes was dark with fatigue. She had barely slept since their son was born three months ago and it didn't help that feeding was so difficult.

Instead of breastfeeding which was impossible with William's cleft palate, Jane had to express her milk by hand. Then she would heat the milk in a pan to sterilise it and then fed him with a meat baster as William couldn't suckle without milk going into his nasal cavity. This took time and Jane missed the bonding aspect that she experienced with Annabelle, making her feel even less of a mother and more incompetent.

"Jane why don't you have a nap?" Tarzan suggested, "You should really sleep whilst William is sleeping."

"Oh but I can't," Jane replied, "William will need feeding when he wakes up and I need to express and build a fire for the milk and sterilise the baster."

"It's alright dear, we'll wake up you in a while. You can use my nest if you like," Kala suggested kindly, "I made it fresh this morning so it's nice and soft."

As Jane went to politely decline Kala's offer, Tarzan took her hand and she could see his eyes were filled with concern, almost pleading with her.

"Sweetheart please… you need to sleep. I'll wake you up in an hour or so. You need to rest."

At that moment, Jane wanted to burst into tears, not only from sleep deprivation but also at her husband's compassion. It should have made her feel better but she couldn't help but feel awful. She went over to Kala's nest and as soon as her head hit the leaves she was out cold. She slept a dreamless sleep, just pure blackness, no colour.

When Tarzan woke her, for a split second she thought things were back to how they used to be, before William arrived. But then she saw him in his father's arms and her heart sank a little. Then she shook her head at this dark thought. "How can you think like this?" she scolded herself, "How could you wish that your son wasn't born?"

"Do you feel a bit better now you have had a nap darling?" Tarzan asked her and even though an hour's nap wouldn't simply fix her huge sleep debt, she felt herself force her mouth in a bright, false smile.

"Yes, much better sweetheart." A wave of guilt swept through her as Tarzan made a relieved smile. If only he knew, if only he knew how she was really feeling.

"Shall we feed William now? I'll make the fire whilst you express if you like."

"Yes that would be great thanks."

As Jane carefully fed her son with the baster, she noted his smallness. Annabelle was much bigger than he was at this age and feeding with the baster was not best way but was for the moment the only way that they could feed him successfully. Every time she looked at him, she would become more anxious and a new concern over his health would plague her mind.

"I'm going to take William back to the treehouse," she said once they finished tidying up the feeding equipment. "I think it would be best for him to sleep in his crib."

"Alright, I need to scout a new place for the family to nest tomorrow though. But Belle and I will come back this evening."

Jane nodded, too tired to ask her husband to come with her. She wanted him with her in case William cried again but she knew that he also had the responsibility of looking after the gorillas. She put the feeding equipment into a cloth bag, slung it over her shoulder and Tarzan carefully placed their son into the sling that she used to carry him in.

"See you later sweetheart, see you later little man." Tarzan kissed his son on the top of his head and then pecked his wife on the lips before Jane walked off into the jungle.

"Are you sure Jane is really alright son?" Kala asked as they watched her walk away with a somewhat weary gait.

"Yes Mum," Tarzan reassured his mother, "she's just a little tired that's all. Things will settle down soon." Kala nodded but she knew that as a male there were just some feelings that Tarzan would never be able to understand. She couldn't help but be concerned and really hoped that things would blow over just as her son had promised.

"I'm coming!" Jane called to her son who was crying loudly in his crib. She was trying to heat some milk for his next feed whilst William started up his high-pitched, non-stop wailing again. Jane tried to ignore it at first, hoping that he would calm himself down but he was insistent, demanding her full attention like a spoiled prince. "I'm coming darling," Jane sighed as she turned round to deal with her son. Unfortunately as she turned her arm caught the copper pan and knocked it off the range.

"Damn it!" Tears welled in Jane's eyes as the warm milk trickled through the gaps in the floorboards. It had taken her ages to express that milk and she felt nothing more than a dairy cow whenever she had to massage and squeeze her breasts to get it out. Was William ever grateful for it? No! Most of the time he refused to eat anyway, like a little Lord Fauntleroy thinking that her milk was not good enough for him. "Nothing is ever good for that boy," Jane thought, "that's if he is even a boy… maybe he's a monster, a devil, a changeling?"

William's screams pierced her brain and Jane gritted her teeth against the sound. She dug her fingernails so deep into her palms that she drew a little blood and screwed her eyes shut. She tried to block out the sound but no matter how hard she tried, the cries got louder and more indignant. What was left of her mind like a slowly fraying rope, finally snapped!

She stormed over to the crib and grabbed the baby roughly under his armpits. As she took in his little face now flushed scarlet and tearstained like an enraged Roman emperor and her eyes saw red. "What do you want from me!" she demanded as William continued to cry, "What do you want from me?!"

William cried even harder at his mother's loud voice and at being held rather roughly and this made Jane all even angrier.

"Stop crying! Stop crying!" Jane begged, her voice getting louder and louder. "Stop crying! STOP CRYING! SSSTTTOOPPP CCCRRRYYYIINNGG!" she screamed at the top of her lungs, all the anger and despair rushing madly through her. For a split second, she imagined herself throwing her baby onto the floor and hearing his little head crack. Then he would stop crying, he would just stop crying.

"Jane?!" Archimedes was standing in the doorway, holding a basket of vegetables that he had picked for dinner and was absolutely horrified at the sight of Jane screaming at her child and William absolutely beside himself. He immediately dropped the basket, vegetables rolling across the floor as he rushed over to them.

"Daddy," Jane turned to face him, her face all red and her eyes pleading, "take him, please just take him." Her body was shaking and tears burning her eyes as she handed her baby over to her father. She was terrified of herself; she didn't trust herself to hold William for a moment longer. She was horrified that she even thought of hurting her baby and if her father hadn't turned up she might have done something that would have been completely irreversible.

As soon as she handed William over to her father, the baby immediately stopped crying and settled down which was like an absolute betrayal to Jane, a kick in the gut. Her son hated her, he truly hated her. No wonder, she was the worst mother in the world, the worst mother, the worst mother her mind spitefully told her again and again. She let out a long, loud desperate cry, her legs buckling under her, half fainting, half keening. Quickly Archimedes stopped her from collapsing and helped her into bed.

With William propped in one arm, he raided the medicinal supplies and took out a small dark blue glass bottle. He went back over to the bed and put 3 drops of a sleeping draught onto his daughter's tongue. Soon enough Jane's eyes rolled back, her lids fluttered and then closed as she drifted off into much needed sleep.

Jane opened her eyes and saw that she was lying in bed in the treehouse, all calm and quiet in the dusky light. For a second, she was relieved but then anxiety kicked in as she remembered what had happened. To her horror she panicked that the worst did actually happened, that she had harmed William and at the corner of her eye she watched the crib with great fear.

"He's sound asleep," Archimedes said softly as he sat down on the edge of the bed. "The little mite is plum tuckered out. I've put some magolo ointment in his ears. The infection should be gone in a day or two."

"Thanks. Does he need to be fed?" Jane asked, her heart still beating rapidly in worry.

"No, I fed him some goat's milk sweetened with a little honey not long ago."

"Thanks Daddy… Anna and Tarzan back yet?"

"Nope, no sign of them yet. Come you must be hungry, let's eat." Archimedes helped her up and walked with her to the dining table. Jane noticed that the split milk had been cleaned up and the treehouse was very clean and tidy. She must have asleep for hours if her father had time to clean the place. Archimedes served up two bowls of a hearty vegetable and pearl barley soup served with some thick slices of bread and goat's butter.

They ate in silence, Jane quietly sipping at her soup whilst Archimedes tucked in with more gusto and was soon helping himself to a second round of bread.

"Here, I know what will make you feel a little better," he made a little smile when they finished eating the soup and went over to the range. A moment or so later he came back to the table with a baked rice pudding and a couple of jars of homemade jam. Jane didn't know whether to smile or cry. It was her favourite thing to eat as a little girl, especially on cold winter nights in front of the fire in the parlour with her mother. Archimedes served up a bowl of the pudding with a spoonful of raspberry jam on top, her favourite and handed it to her.

"Sup up dear," he said calmly, "you need your strength." Jane took a spoonful and placed it nervously into her mouth. The creamy texture of the pudding was soothing on her sore throat and the tartness of the raspberry jam cut through the sweetness of the pudding's caramelised crust perfectly. It was scent of vanilla that made Jane pause. The heady scent was almost like the scent of her own milk, maternal and comforting. It made think of her own mother stroking her hair as they ate rice pudding together in front of the crackling fire. God she missed her! She missed her so much and Jane would have done anything for her to be next to her right now, soothing her and telling her that everything was going to be fine.

"I hope it's alright," Archimedes said as he finished a mouthful, "I tried to follow your mother's recipe, what I could remember of it." Jane nodded and soon found herself almost wolfing it down and Archimedes served her some seconds, relieved that she hadn't lost her appetite.

"Jane dear… how are you feeling?" he asked as she tucked into her second lot of rice pudding.

"Much better now Daddy, now that I've had some sleep and some food."

"No Jane," Archimedes shook his head, " tell me, how are you REALLY feeling?"

"Defeated," Jane eventually replied, "shattered, broken, inadequate. Tired, angry, frustrated, scared, lost, a complete failure. A poor excuse for a mother. No matter what I do I feel like I am doing nothing right and sometimes I really struggle to bond with William, especially when he is crying like that.

I do love him, I really do Daddy but sometimes there are times when I just want to run away, crawl into a hole and hide. Sometimes I wish life could go back to how it was before and then I feel awful at how I am feeling and I scold myself for thinking that way but no matter what I do I cannot stop these thoughts… even the really dark ones… ones about… hurting him. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't come in! Oh Daddy! I am so scared! I'm so scared!" Jane began to weep softly and Archimedes calmly took her hands in his, letting her say what she needed to say without interruption.

He knew that she was exhausted, how could she not be after a difficult birth and a baby who did cry constantly? Plus her son's facial disfigurement certainly did not help matters; all of this was enough to test anyone's limits. She was definitely suffering a case of bad baby blues but he didn't know that she was finding it hard to bond with William, or that she was having thoughts of harming of him. "Maybe it's the sheer lack of sleep that is making her feel that way, making her have those dark thoughts?" he wondered.

"Jane dear, does Tarzan know that you are feeling this way?" he asked tentatively as Jane wiped the tears away with the back of her hand but he fished out a handkerchief from his pocket and gave it to her.

"Yes and no," she admitted finally, dabbing her eyes with the handkerchief. "He knows that I am finding things difficult and he does pitch in with looking after William and does his share of the housework. Believe me, he does far more than any husband that I would have had back in England ever would. But I still feel that I need to be the perfect wife. Nearly every time I am with him or when he asks me how I am feeling I cannot help but plaster this big stupid grin on my face and act as if everything is peachy. I want to be honest with him but I just can't do it. I don't want to break his heart, destroy his belief that he has the perfect wife and children, especially what with William's… deformity."

"Oh Jane," Archimedes sighed sadly at his daughter's plight. When Jane was a little girl he would scoop her up in his arms, cuddle her tight and tell her everything was going to be fine. Now she was a grown woman and her problems were complex and legitimate, not so easily solved as soothing a child's scraped knee or tears over a silly quarrel with a friend.

"I worry about William all the time," Jane continued, "he is so much smaller than Anna was at 3 months and it's so difficult to feed him so what will happen when I wean him onto solid food? Also this is his second ear infection now and we cannot treat them with magolo root ointment forever."

"The new bottle that I am working on is nearly finished. It should be much more efficient than the meat baster. Things will pan out soon enough dear."

Jane paused and took a deep breath to compose herself before speaking again. "Daddy… don't lie to me. I have looked at your medical textbooks, especially the pages you have marked. I know that William is going to suffer complications. Eating problems, dental problems, speech problems and…. hearing prob -" Jane stopped herself short at that. The thought of her son possibly being partially or fully deaf and or having trouble talking was too terrible to contemplate.

Archimedes blushed guiltily. He had been doing as much research on William's condition as he could and even travelled to the port with Tantor on his own to see if there were medical journals that could provide answers. He hadn't told his daughter and son-in-law of the possible challenges facing William because he wanted to get all the facts straight first, but he also dreaded the prospect of breaking their hearts with the truth.

"I know I was mollycoddling Anna before, but this is different. Living in the jungle you have to use all your senses, Tarzan said so himself when teaching Anna. Survival of the fittest like Darwin said, an animal or boy that is deaf and cannot speak easily would not survive long in the jungle even in a troop, you know that Daddy. He would be easy prey and I cannot risk that. Ever since he was born I have always felt that William is not suited for the jungle. And now that I have seen the medical books I am absolutely sure that it's not safe for him to live here… that he needs to be in England where there are doctors to help him.

But how am I going to tell Tarzan that? How am I going to tell him that he needs to give up his home and his family? And Anna! This jungle and the gorillas are all she knows; I will be breaking her heart and the gorillas! Oh the gorillas, how am I going to tell Kala? Oh Kala… Kala! This will kill her!" Tears ran down Jane's face as she saw that so many loved ones were going to be heartbroken and separated over all of this. But William was her son and she needed to do what was best for him, even though it came at the highest of prices.

"Jane," Archimedes finally spoke after a long sad silence, "now don't get too excited but I saw an article in one of my journals. I didn't want to say anything until I had started a correspondence with him to see if William was a suitable candidate. There is a doctor, a surgeon in Harley Street, Dr Willis-Turner and he is a pioneer in the realm of reconstructive surgery, particularly facial injuries and deformities. He has worked on soldiers maimed in battle and uses and has refined the techniques of Grafe, Roux and Langenbeck. He has performed a staphylorraphy, a cleft palate repair as well as reconstructing the cleft lip a one year old boy not long ago and it was rather successful. Here let me show you."

Archimedes jumped up and went over to his cluttered desk, sifting through the mounds of books, papers and cut-outs and came back over with the article. It was a small piece but there was a before and after photograph of the patient. Jane stared at it, taking in every detail. She couldn't believe it, the little child had a normal looking face albeit a scar on his upper lip but that was nothing compared to overall results. That could be her little boy all fixed, that was going to be her son. There was no discussing it; this was the answer that she had been dreaming of. This was the solution to all of their problems, but there was still the problem of her leaving the jungle with the children.

"Mama!" the door suddenly opened and there was Tarzan and Annabelle back from the gorillas. Jane looked at Tarzan and Tarzan looked at her, his once happy eyes were now filled with concern at her tear stained face. Jane took a deep breath in trepidation. This was going to be one tough conservation but he needed to hear the truth, no matter hard it would be to swallow.