Hold onto me, hold onto me

Don't you ever leave, Don't you ever leave

I know I've got my problems and it's probably me

So hold onto me, hold onto me

Stayed up too late and it hurts to breathe

Said it's 4 A.M., girl go back to sleep

Sometimes at night I can hear her dreams

Come rescue me, Come rescue me

Don't you ever leave, Don't you ever leave

I know we got our problems and it's probably me

So hold onto me, hold onto me

FREE TO BE YOU AND ME

Sam's Journal
June 4 - Garber, Oklahoma

Start of a new life today. Never really done this journal thing before - that was more Beth, and even Dean - Dad's perfect hunters. But who knows, maybe there's something to writing down my thoughts, figuring out who I really am. I can't rely on the lies and fake IDs to see me through this one. I tossed all the badges, licences and other papers that had been my life for the last four years in the sink, squirting lighter fluid on to them and setting them on fire. The irony is that, even as I watched them all burn, I knew I would be taking on a new name for this life. Keith. Doesn't quite seem to suit me, but it'll do. I found a job at the local bar, busboy, cleaning tables and other people's messes. But it's a darn sight more appetising than the mess I've left Dean and Beth to deal with. I'm grateful to be working again, just putting in a regular 9 to 5, so I have the opportunity to get my head on straight.

I keep dreaming of Jess. She haunts me. Just a ghostly figure who lays in my bed and tells me she misses me as much as I do her. It's just a figment of my imagination, my subconscious trying to tell me that we've been down this road before - we've tried to run away from our problems and it got us nowhere. But I have to try. This time it's different. Once I thought I could be normal, once I thought I could have a simple life. Now I know I'm a freak, and I know that it'll never be that easy. Not for me. She says she's trying to protect me. Protect me? My subconscious is trying to keep me from repeating mistakes. But I'm okay this time, I know who I am, what I am; this time it will be different. This time no one I love has to die for me.

Beth's Journal

June 10 - Greeley, Pennsylvania

We've been here a few days working a new case. Exsanguinated victims - vampires, or so it seems to us. Dean is focused on the job, silent on Sam, but otherwise more or less normal. It's like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders a little. Cole has collected Bobby and is taking him back to Sioux Falls, and I've half a mind to push for spending a week or two in Cicero with Lisa and Ben on our way back to check on him. I think a little normal family time might be good for Dean, help him remember what it is that he's fighting for.

Present Day
Greeley, Pennsylvania

Dean's POV

One vamp down, his victims a bloody mess in the morgue, but taken care of - they won't be turning any time soon. Beth has been fussing over me and making sure that I'm okay about Sam, but the truth is it's kind of nice having a break from him. I thought that back at Easter, and I still do - we need this time alone.

I paused, looking up from my latest journal entry. Beth turned over in her sleep, reaching out for me, and when she didn't find me with her, settled for pulling my pillow into her body and cuddling that. I chucked, she was cute when she slept, and secretly I liked how she always had to be touching me when we were getting some rest. It felt good, like I mattered. I sighed, looking down at the page in front of me.

I need to figure out how it is that we're going to ice the Devil so that I can give Beth the life that Sam's gone looking for. She wants to visit Lisa soon, but...

"Hey," Beth's voice drew my attention back to her, and I smiled over at her sleepy eyes blinking at me in the light of the motel room. "You coming to bed?"

"Yeah, I'm just finishing up this," I said with a nod. She smiled and stretched out again, giving me a glimpse of flesh under the sheet that was partially covering her. I felt myself instantly react, going hard, and I hurried to complete my thoughts, now suddenly fixating on something a whole lot better waiting for me.

Right now, I think what we need more than family time, is 'us' time, and we need to work, do what we do best.

I stood up and turned off the light on the table, plunging the room into semi-darkness. I pulled my shirt off and tossed it on the floor, dropping my pants to join it as I found myself at the edge of the bed and climbed over to Beth. I hovered over her as she rolled on to her back, and reached up to caress my cheek. "So, uh, how tired are you?" I asked with a grin.

"Not at all," answered a voice I wasn't expecting. I yelped and jumped backwards onto my feet, finding myself suddenly face to face with our favourite, trench-coat wearing angel. Castiel.

"God," I muttered, realising I was pressed almost skin to skin with the man. "Don't do that!"

"Hello, Dean… Beth," came the reply and I sighed at how he didn't seem to realise the inappropriateness of our current position.

"Hi Cas," Beth groaned, pulling the sheet up a little higher and flopping back on the pillow. She reached over and turned on the bedside table lamp, and the room was suddenly bright again, chuckling at the sight before her. She gave me an appreciative once-over, but it was kind of hard to enjoy given my current position.

"Cas, we've talked about this," I said into his face. "Personal space?"

I wasn't just talking about the fact that he was standing mere inches away from me while I was naked. It was the whole popping in to see us when we were alone, and about to get our freak on. There was nothing more frustrating than a semi-erection going flaccid at the sound of angel wings.

Castiel looked down the length of my body and then took a few steps back. "My apologies."

I sighed, and grabbed my boxers and jeans off the floor, pulling them back on before following with my t-shirt. "How did you find us?" I asked. "I thought we were flying below the angel radar."

"You are," Cas replied. "Bobby told me where you were." He looked around, noting the empty, untouched bed next to our messier and unkempt twin. "Where's Sam?" He asked.

I moved to sit on the bed next to Beth, handing her a t-shirt from my duffel. She shifted slightly, pulling it on and then threw me a grateful smile.

"Sam's taking a separate vacation for a while," I replied. "So, you find God yet? More importantly, can I have my damn necklace back, please?" I still didn't feel whole without it. It was starting to give me the heebie jeebies.

"No," Cas replied. "I haven't found him. That's why I'm here. I need your help."

Beth sat up straighter in bed, and then found her voice. "With what?" She asked.

"A God hunt?" I guessed. "Not interested."

"It's not God," Cas answered. "It's someone else."

"Who?" Beth asked.

"An archangel. The one who killed me," Cas said.

"Excuse me?" I asked. I didn't like the sound of that. Anything that could kill an angel sounded like it was worth not getting on the wrong side of. Far as I was concerned, we were not anywhere near on this archangel's watch list, and it seemed to me it was best to keep it that way.

"His name is Raphael," Cas said.

"You got wasted by a teenage mutant ninja turtle?" I asked with a smirk.

Cas ignored my comment, turning to Beth. "I've heard whispers he's walking the earth. This is a rare opportunity."

"For what?" I asked. "Revenge?"

"Information," he clarified.

I shook my head, wandered over to the minibar and pulled out a beer. I opened it and took a long pull of it while I watched Beth out of the corner of my eye. She grabbed her jeans off the floor and started to pull them on, and I started to weigh up the pros and cons of what Cas was asking.

"So, what? You think you can find this dude and he's just gonna spill God's address?" I asked.

"Yes," Cas replied. "Because we are going to trap him and interrogate him."

Now there was my problem. How on earth did you trap an angel? How on earth did you interrogate one? Demons, sure, no problem, I knew what I was doing in that department. But angels? I was way out of my league, and I wasn't afraid to admit it.

Beth walked over to Cas, looking him in the eye with a slight frown. "You're serious about this?" she asked. She turned to look at me at the same time he did. I sighed, and put the beer down on the sink before taking a step toward them.

"So what, I'm Thelma and you guys are Louise, and we're just gonna hold hands and sail off this cliff together?" I asked, drawing a smile out of Beth. Cas of course had no idea what I was talking about and that was clear as day when I looked at his expressionless face.

"Give me one good reason why I should do this," I said to them both.

"Because you're MIchael's vessel, and no angel would dare harm you," Cas replied. I looked at Beth, sighing.

"So I'm your bullet shield. What about Beth?"

"I will do my best to keep Beth safe, you know this," he replied.

"What about Ezekiel?" Beth asked, turning to Cas. He shook his head and shrugged.

"I haven't seen him since I was resurrected, and I have no idea if he's even alive. If he is, he's laying low. And the others are on their own mission which is not the same as mine."

Cas frowned and looked from me to Beth. "I need your help because you are the only ones who'll help me. Please."

I thought about it. He was right. From what Beth had told me there was a group of these renegade angels, led by a pretty strawberry blonde by the name of Sariel. They'd always been behind the scenes, and I wasn't really sure whose side they were on when push came to shove - but I was learning quickly that when it came to angels, there weren't many you could rely on. Cas had at least proven himself to us.

"All right, fine," I said after a moment. "Where is he?"

"Maine," Cas replied. "Let's go." He reached out his fingers toward the two of us, and I pulled away.

"Whoa, whoa" I said, shaking my head.

"What?" Cas asked.

"Look, Beth might be okay with all this zapping about, but the last time you zapped me someplace, I didn't poop for a week," I said to the sniggering sound of Beth laughing. "We're driving," I added.

Sam's Journal
June 11 - Garber, Oklahoma.

There's a girl where I'm working, Lindsay, she seems to be downright hospitable to everyone she comes across. She chided me today for being all mysterious and secretive. I need to be a little less obvious about my past - leaving the New York Times crossword, completely finished, in the kitchen got her thinking and enquiring about where I'm from. It wasn't my intention to draw attention to myself in such a way. But she seems nice. Tonight she challenged me to a game of darts: she's pretty good, but no one around here stands a hope in hell of matching my skill. She lost to me, which meant she didn't get to take me to dinner and discover all my dark secrets. I hesitated for a moment, almost ready to ask her to dinner anyway - I could use a little human friendly company for a change - and then the news came on the TV, talking about the torrential hail storms and lightning strikes starting fires in Tully, and the evacuations that were taking place. George, the bartender, made a comment that struck home to me. "Is it just me or does it seem like it's the end of the world?" What was I supposed to say to that? It IS the end of the world, get ready? Because that's what I felt like I should do. Then I figured I ought to apologise, since this is all my fault. I touched base with Beth, just like I promised, they've been sorting out a vampire in Eastern Pennsylvania. She's worried about Dean. She worries about everyone. I wish she'd start worrying more about herself.

Present Day
Waterville, Maine

Beth's POV

We pulled up in front of the Sheriff's Office and I peered out the windshield at the dreary brick building. Why did it seem that all the law enforcement places existed to drag your mood down into the gutter? Granted the weather wasn't helping much with that either, we'd pushed through storms, and lightning, and even had to circle around a flooding lowlands to get here. Dean was convinced things were only going to get worse, I wasn't disagreeing.

The latter sighed and climbed out of the driver's seat, stretching up and exposing a flash of skin as his shirt rode up. I smiled and resisted the urge to run my hands along it, glancing back as Castiel followed suit, exiting the Impala.

"And we're here why?" I heard Dean ask as I opened the door and climbed out.

"A deputy sheriff laid eyes on the archangel," Cas replied and I raised an eyebrow.

"And he still has eyes?" I asked rhetorically. "What's the plan?"

"We'll… tell the officer that he witnessed an angel of the Lord, and the officer will tell us where the angel is," Cas replied, in his never-ending, mind-numbing naivete.

Dean snorted as he turned to look at the angel. "Seriously?" He asked. "You're going to walk in there and tell him the truth?"

"Why not?" Cas replied.

"Because we're humans," I said with a smirk, checking my pocket for my fake ID as I watched Dean shove one inside Cas' trenchcoat.

"That's right," Dean said, adjusting Cas' collar and tie. "And when humans want something really, really bad, they lie."

"Why?" Cas asked, a confused look on his face.

"Because that's how you become President," Dean replied without batting an eyelid. I grinned and turned toward the station with a sigh. Pulling off three FBI agents was never easy, but if anyone had perfected the ruse, it was us.

Inside Sheriff's Office

Dean's POV

Beth hated these IDs, but they gave me a chuckle deep down. The fact that her name was based on a bounty hunter, while I got the name of the actual FBI agent in the movie irritated her to no end. What can I say? Jack Walsh was easier to turn into a girl's name than Alonzo. That was my story and I was sticking to it. Cas of course was going to take over Sam's ID for the time being.

The interior of the sheriff's office was pretty much like every other one we'd even been to. Grey. Bleak. Like the wrong end of a weekend-binge where you couldn't quite remember when it was that everything started to go wrong, but you were irreversibly on the ass end of it now with no real prospects.

"Deputy Framingham?" I asked of the older deputy who had been pointed out to us. The man turned around to look at us and I flashed my badge at him. "Hi. Alonzo Mosely, FBI. This is my partner, Eddie Moscone, and specialist Jacky Walsh. I paused, waiting for Cas to follow with the badge, while Beth started to raise her ID from behind us. Cas, of course, did nothing.

I stared, telepathically yelling at him. Of course only Beth could do that where he'd actually hear. Finally, with a death stare from me, and a nudge from Beth who flashed her own ID in the process, Cas caught on and plucked his badge from the pocket inside his coat, opening it for the Deputy. Upside-down. I rolled my eyes, turning it up the wrong way and shrugging at the Deputy.

"He's, uh, he's new," I explained. "Mind if we ask you a few questions?"

The Deputy raised his eyebrow at Cas, who was now looking curiously at his badge, and then nodded. "Yeah, sure. Talk here, though." he said, pointing to his right ear before turning and leading us into his office. "Hearing's all blown to hell in this one."

"That happen recently?" Beth asked, moving to lean against a locker near a window.

"Yeah. Gas station," he nodded. "Why you're here, isn't it?"

"Yes it is," I replied, taking a seat as the Deputy claimed his chair behind the desk and Cas sat beside me in the other chair. I would have frowned at him for not giving Beth the other seat, but… angel… plus, she'd pretty clearly indicated she wanted to stand, and I wasn't opposed to having one of us on our feet in case things went South.

"You mind, uh, just running through what happened?" I asked.

"A call came in," he said with a shrug. "Disturbance down at the Pump and Go on Route 4."

"What kind of disturbance?" I questioned, leaning forward curiously.

"Would not have believed it if I hadn't seen it myself," he replied, mirroring my body language and leaning his forearms on the desk. "We're talking a riot. Full scale."

"How many?" I asked.

"Thirty, forty, in all out kill-or-be-killed combat," the Deputy answered.

"Any idea what set them off?" Beth asked from her position by the window.

"It's angels and demons, probably," Cas replied and the Deputy looked at him, clearly confused.

"They're skirmishing all over the globe," Cas explained.

"Come again?" The Deputy asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Nothing," Beth and I chimed in at the same time as Castiel said 'Demons.' What the hell was he thinking?

"Nothing," Beth added again, frowning at Cas who mercifully shut up.

"Demons," I said, mind racing to cover. "You know… drink, adultery. We all have our demons, Walt."

Framington looked back and forth from Cas to me, and then shrugged. "I guess."

"Anyway," I said, sending Cas another warning look. "What happened next?"

"Freaking explosion, that's what," Framington answered. "They said it was one of those underground gas tanks, but, uh… I don't think so."

"Why not?" I asked.

"Wasn't your usual fireball," he replied, a haunted look coming into his eyes. "It was, um…"

"Pure white," Cas supplied and I saw Beth straighten up suddenly, her interest piqued.

"Yeah," the Deputy said, nodding at Cas. "Gas station was leveled. Everyone was… it was just horrible. And I see this one guy, kneeling, real focused-like… not a damn scratch on him."

"You know him?" I asked.

Framington nodded. "Donnie Finneman. Mechanic there."

"Let me guess, he just, uh, vanished into thin air?" I asked with a chuckle.

"Uh, no, Kolchak. He's down at St. Pete's," he replied. Cas turned to look at me with an intense stare.

"St. Pete's," he repeated.

"Thank you," I said, glancing at Beth who was already walking out the door.

Beth's Journal

Between my father's journals and my conversations with Castiel and Ezekiel I have managed to piece together a few things about Archangels. They are special. The first of many tiers of angels, and they were created as warriors. Their immense power and light means that not just any angelic vessel could house them, and this in turn means that it's hard for them to find vessels on Earth. Was this a plan by God, or just a design flaw? Who knows? But there is one thing I have ascertained - the genealogy of the vessels for Archangels traces back to the twelve tribes of Israel, and ultimately to the line of Cain and Abel, Adam and Eve. I look at Dean and wonder just where he fits in. Who does John, or Mary for that matter, descend from - Cain, Abel, or one of the other tribes? It's mind boggling, and not something I feel like he needs to have put upon him right now.

This man we are going to see, Donnie, is another such person, though maybe not as sought after as Sam and Dean, he had housed the archangel Raphael, a healer, and lived to tell the tale. Well. Mostly. One can't exactly say he's talking, from the reports. I'm starting to get the impression that being a vessel for an archangel isn't nearly the same as being an angelic vessel for those in the lower hierarchies. I have no lasting effects from my time as a vessel to either Ezekiel or Cas, so this man interests me - not just as a study on angels, but as a potential outcome, should Dean say yes to Michael and survive a full on battle with Lucifer.

St. Pete's

Beth's POV

The scene before us was exactly as I'd imagined it from the reports. Donnie had been found at the gas station, unharmed, and shortly after he'd turned catatonic. He was an empty shell, sitting in a wheelchair and staring at the wall of his small room. We stood outside, peering in at him and I felt Dean shift uncomfortably next to me.

"I take it that's not Raphael anymore?" He asked, and I shook my head. I couldn't sense anything inside him. It was disturbing.

"Just an empty vessel," Cas replied.

"So this is what I'm looking at if Michael jumps in my bones?" Dean asked, stating the question we were both asking.

"No," Cas answered. "Not at all. Michael is much more powerful. It'll be far worse for you."

I locked gazes with Dean, feeling the colour drain out of my face and he frowned, running a hand across his face. Castiel, completely oblivious to our discomfort stepped away and started to walk down the hall toward the exit.

"Great," Dean muttered, looking back at Donnie. "Just freaking peachy."

"We'll find another way," I said, stepping up to him and placing a hand on his chest, turning his face so I could look into his troubled sea-green eyes. "I did not go out of my mind trying to get you out of Hell to have you turn into a vegetable… I have needs, mister. You've got vows to fulfill."

Dean smirked, his hands sliding along the sides of my waist to pull me a smidgen closer to him. "Oh yeah?" He asked. "Is that right?"

"Mhmmm," I nodded, kissing the bridge of his nose. "Body worship, and such…"

He smiled, kissing me back and then pulling me into him, his arms wrapping around my shoulders while he buried his hands into my hair, holding my head tightly under his chin. "How on earth do we keep getting ourselves into these situations?" He asked quietly and I squeezed him back with a shrug. Seemed we were just good at it.

Garber, Oklahoma
Sam's POV

The phone seemed to ring long, though in reality it was probably only a few seconds before Bobby answered.

"Sam?" He asked, obviously referencing his caller ID.

"Hey Bobby," I said, a smile coming to my mouth. "How you doing?"

"Well I aint running any marathons," he retorted. "But I'll live." I couldn't help but laugh, the thought of Bobby having run marathons before he landed in a wheelchair was a joke.

"Where are you?" Bobby asked.

"Uh, Garber, Oklahoma," I replied. "I found a town up the road showing some Revelation omens."

"What omens?"

"All right, listen to this," I replied, looking back at the screen on my computer where I'd been reading through a Latin version of the Book of Revelations. "And upon his rising there shall be hail and fire mixed with blood."

"Well aint that delightful," Bobby said sarcastically.

"Yeah," I said. "But we already got hailstorms and fire, so I'm guessing blood can't be too far behind."

"Okay."

"What?" I asked.

"There a reason you're calling?" Bobby asked and I frowned. I figured that much was clear.

"Dean and Beth didn't tell you?" I asked, wondering why they would keep an update, as obvious as me no longer hunting, from Bobby.

"They told me."

"Yeah. So I thought you might want to find out who's in the area and put a man on this," I continued.

"Okay," Bobby said. "Let me see if I can think of the best hunter who might be in the immediate vicinity…. Oh, that'd be you."

"I… I can't Bobby. I'm sitting this one out," I replied, feeling the guilt rising into my gut even as I said it. Here I was, trying to get back to some semblance of normal, trying to figure out who I was and why I was here, and asking Bobby to find someone to clean up my mess.

"Sam…." The warning tone in Bobbys' voice was clear, and I just couldn't handle that right now.

"I'm gotta go," I said, feeling the urge to hang up fast. "I'm so sorry."

Abandoned House
Maine

Beth's POV

Dean's shoulders were full of knots; I tutted to myself as I massaged them out while he stood hunched over a table, flipping through my father's journal. I knew I'd hit a particularly sore spot when he groaned and rolled his shoulder back at me.

"Well, you will get all stressed out," I joked, feeling the strain in my own body. We needed a holiday, preferably somewhere with hot springs. Dean chuckled and turned to take me in his arms, his eyes meeting mine, and then glancing behind me at someone else.

"Where've you been?" He asked, and I turned to see Castiel standing in an archway, holding an old ceramic pot.

"Jerusalem," he replied, without a hint of sarcasm or ire.

"Oh," Dean said, "how was it?"

"Arid."

Cas walked over to us and placed the jug on the table. I looked at it with a curiosity.

"What's that?" I asked finally.

"It's oil. It's very special. Very rare," Cas replied, sitting down at the table with a weary slump to his shoulders.

"Okay, so we trap Raphael with a nice vinaigrette?" Dean asked, this time with the flavour of sarcasm to his voice. I frowned, thinking about what I'd read in Dad's journal and shook my head.

"It's holy oil?" I asked, picking up the jar and looking inside. Dark, I couldn't see anything, just feel the weight of the liquid sloshing inside. Cas reached out and grabbed it from me, putting it down like I'd just tried to steal pie from Dean.

"Yes," he said. I'd read about it in Dad's journal, but he'd said it was hard to find outside of the holy land. I'd never really expected to see it here.

Dean frowned. "So this ritual of yours, when does it go down?"

"Sunrise," Cas replied.

"Tell me something,' Dean continued. "You keep saying we're gonna trap this guy. Isn't that kinda like trapping a hurricane in a butterfly net?"

"No, it's harder," Cas said.

"Do we have any chance of surviving this?" I asked, already feeling agitated that no one knew what had become of Ezekiel after his encounter with Raphael, and it had taken someone far more powerful to pull Cas back together.

"He does," Cas said, nodding at Dean.

"Wait, what?" Dean asked. "What about you, what about Beth?"

"He'll likely spare Beth, because she can influence you to say yes to Michael," Cas said with a shrug. His logic was somewhat sound, but it was still not comforting.

"So odds are you're a dead man tomorrow?" Dean asked, his brow creasing.

"Yes."

Dean was thinking hard, and then he shrugged, seeming to accept Cas's fate. "Wow. Well. Last night on Earth. What are your plans?"

"Dean!" I snapped, mouth hanging open.

"I just thought I'd sit here quietly," Cas replied in typical angel fashion.

"Dude. Come on, anything? Booze? Women?" Dean pushed and I shook my head, still gobsmacked. How could he be thinking about playing up when the shit was about to hit the proverbial fan?

Castiel looked at Dean, then over at me, before glancing away uncomfortably.

"You have been with women, before, right? Or an angel at least?" Dean asked.

The angel started to look even more uncomfortable, rubbing the back of his neck. Dean made a sound that seemed to be combined shock and consternation.

"You mean to tell me you've never been up there doing a little cloud-seeding?" He pushed.

Cas sighed, and threw his hands up in the air. "Look, I've never had occasion, okay?"

Dean nodded, a resolute expression crossing his face. "All right," He said, before grabbing his leather jacket from the back of the chair he'd been lying on. "Let me tell you something. There are three things I know for certain. One, she loves me, God knows why," he said, grinning at me. I snorted and smiled back at him with a nod. "Two, Bert and Ernie are gay. Three, you are not going to die a virgin. Not on my watch. Let's go!"

He then turned on his heel, marching out the door toward the car, leaving us staring after him.

"He's waiting on me, isn't he?" Castiel asked and I nodded.

"Yep."

He sighed, but there was a little smile on his face, as together we followed Dean out to the Impala.

Sam's Journal

I called Bobby about the omens. Yes I could check them out myself, but how was that going to be any different to hunting with Dean and Beth? It's not. I either go cold turkey on this one, or not at all. That isn't as easy as it sounds. This afternoon Tim, Reggie and Steve turned up, Bobby had sent them, as requested. Tim was persistent, wanting to know why I wasn't joining them. It roused suspicion with Lindsay.

Oklahoma
Sam's POV

"Hey Sam!" I heard Tim's voice, but I ignored it, continuing to collect glasses on the tray I was holding. "Sam."

"Sam?" Lindsay asked, overhearing him. "What happened to Keith?"

I put down the tray on the table I was standing next to and looked over. "Wait, what?" I asked, feigning confusion.

Lindsay waved her hand over at the hunters, who were standing around staring at me expectantly. "He called you Sam," she said pointedly.

"Yeah," I said, nodding. "Uh...Sam's my middle name."

Lindsay laughed. "Keith Sam? Man, I'm sorry." I smirked at her amusement and Tim stepped in.

"Well actually, it's Samuel, so it's not quite as dumb as it sounds," he said.

"Are you guys friends?" Lindsay asked, glancing between the pair of us.

"Hunting buddies," Tim replied, looking me dead straight in the eyes. "With his dad. Samuel here, is quite the hunter himself."

Lindsay's expression read as intrigued, and certainly curious as she started to put a new aspect of personality together. "Wow. You killed deer and things?"

"Yeah, and things," Tim said with an amused look. Tim was tough, one of the more hardcore of the hunters out there. He was a good guy, and we'd certainly run a few jobs with him in the past, but Dad had always said he wasn't real comfortable with the other guys he ran with, and having them around Beth. Ever since the incident in Dallas he'd been super protective over her. That had been reinforced, I realised later on, after the Travis hunt where he'd tried to get fresh with Beth. To this day I couldn't believe Dad hadn't killed him.

I was starting to get the same vibe off Tim now, that Dad must have picked up on back then. Like a dog with a bone, and not worried about who got caught in the crossfire. I had to change the subject. "Um," I said, looking toward the bar. "Why don't I get you guys some drinks?"

Tim nodded and as a group they moved to a table and sat down. I quickly got some beers and then sat with them.

"Sorry," Tim apologised. "Didn't mean to bust you back there."

"No," I said, shaking my head. "It's all right. So what's up?"

"Bobby called," he replied.

"And?" I asked, looking expectantly at them.

"You were right," he answered. "Major demon block party going on."

"But why? What are they up to?" I asked.

"Don't know yet," Steve replied, taking a sip of his beer.

"Bobby told us you were off limits," Reggie said straight up. "That true?"

"Yeah, that's right," I said with a short nod.

"That's fine in theory and all," Tim said, shrugging. "But we could really use all hands on deck here."

"I know you could," I said with an apologetic look. "But I can't. I'm sorry."

"Why not?" Steve asked.

"It's personal," I replied.

"Look, man," Tim started. "What baggage is so heavy it can't be stowed away for the freaking apocalypse?" I shrugged and felt that guilt starting to creep in at me.

"Like I said…"

"Yeah. You're sorry," Reggie said. "Heard it the first time."

"Suit yourself," Tim said, taking a drink. "More for us then, right?" He stood up and the others joined him.

I followed suit with a nod. "Yeah. Good luck."

"But hey," Tim called out as I started to walk away. "Beers are on you when we get back."

"Yeah," I said with a weak smile. "You bet."

Lindsay was waiting by the bar when I reached it, watching me with a cocked eyebrow. "So, your parents were drunk when they named you, and you shoot bambi?"

"It's a long story," I said with another shrug.

"That is it," she said. "Enough with the kung fu wandering the earth thing. I'm gonna buy you dinner and we're gonna talk."

"Lindsay," I said. "I can't."

"No," she said dismissively. "The only way to avoid bloodshed is to say yes."

Truth was, I kind of wanted someone to talk to, just to forget about the last few weeks.

Brothel
Maine

Dean's POV

Beth was downing her fourth shot and looking a lot more casual as I took a sip of my own drink, and watched Cas, who looked terrified - if I had to put it any other way.

"Hey. Relax," I said, slipping my arm around Beth who leaned willingly into me and kissed my neck.

"This is a den of iniquity. I should not be here," Cas replied, frowning at me.

"Dude, you full on rebelled against Heaven," I pointed out. "Iniquity is one of the perks." This got a laugh out of Beth, who shook her head and waved another drink over.

A pretty looking blonde, with long flowing hair and a pure white babydoll nightie spotted us and walked over, a smile plastered to her face.

"Showtime," I said to Cas, taking another drink as Beth snorted and accepted her new shotglass from the bartender.

"Hi," the girl said, looking at Cas who was looking at the floor, walls, ceiling, anywhere to avoid looking at the swell of bosom threatening to burst forth from the few ribbons holding her outfit together . "What's your name?"

"Cas," I said, startling the angel next to me. "His name is Cas. What's your name?" I asked.

"Chastity," she replied with a smile, her eyes roaming the length of me.

Beth spluttered over her drink and I turned to look at her with a raised eyebrow. "Chastity," I repeated, the amusement in my eyes clear for the brunette to see. "Wow. Is that kismet or what, buddy?" I asked, looking at Cas who was drinking from his beer. "Well, he likes you, you like him…so dayenu." I waved the girl at Cas, and she tugged on his hand with a smile, pulling him to his feet.

"Come on, baby," she invited, smiling again and leading him past me and down the hallway to the rooms.

I grabbed Cas on his way past, thrusting a fistful of money into his hand. "If she asks for credit card, no. Now, just stick to basics, okay? Don't order off the menu. Go get her, tiger." I gestured eagerly for him to follow the girl who was waiting a few feet away. Cas didn't move.

"Don't make me push you," I threatened. Cas took the money and then started to follow Chastity.

I turned and smiled at Beth who was shaking her head at me, still perched on her seat at the bar. She held out a shotglass for me and I accepted it with a grin that I knew drove her a little crazy, holding it up and chinking it against her own. "Well, cheers to you," I said downing the whiskey in one gulp.

"You know, you sure know a lot about these places," Beth said with a raised eyebrow, reaching out to grab my belt and pull me closer to her.

"Do I?" I asked innocently, grinning back at her.

"Uh huh," she nodded.

She had me there. It's not like I'd spent a lot of time in brothels, but hey, there'd been a few years there where … I needed to get her out of my system … was the best explanation I could come up with. Was I proud of myself? Not especially. Did it happen once we got together? Hell no.

"You know how it is," I said, kissing her softly, and then whispering. "Had to bail Sam out a few times and all."

That made her laugh, and it was music to my ears. I chuckled and kissed her again, this time a little more forcefully, my tongue pushing between her lips to thoroughly explore her taste. I groaned, feeling myself instantly react, sliding my hands up and into her thick, wavy locks, grabbing fistfuls and holding her head back slightly as I deepened the kiss.

I was rewarded with her little whimper and the feeling of hands sliding around my waist, grasping my buttocks and pulling me into her a little firmer. Moments like this, we were the only people in the world. Lights dimmed, people froze, sounds faded…. All except the scream.

It echoed down the hallway from the bedrooms, and broke the spell.

"Did you hear that?" I asked, and Beth nodded, sliding off her chair.

"Come on," she said.

As we wove our way through a few random bystanders, I saw Chastity storm out of the bedroom. "Get out of my face! Leave me alone!" She yelled. "Bastard! Screw you, jerk!" I looked from the blonde to a disheveled looking Castiel.

"I'll kill you!" She yelled finally, turning and pushing down the hallway toward us. "Screw you too!" She exclaimed when she saw me. "God! Oh! Jerk!" Then she was moving again, leaving a very confused looking Beth, as well as myself.

I turned and walked up to Cas, lowering my voice. "The hell did you do?" I asked urgently.

"I don't know," Cas replied. "I just looked her in the eyes and told her it wasn't her fault that her father Gene ran off. It was because he hated his job at the post office."

"Oh, no, man," I said, shaking my head.

"What?"

"This whole industry runs on absent fathers," I said, turning and pulling him with us, Beth skipping ahead. It's, it's the natural order."

Beth came to a halt in front of us and we bumped into her. Chastity had returned, and brought friends in the form of two very well-built bouncers.

"Time to go," Beth said, backing up. I nodded, taking her hand and shoving Cas back down the hallway toward the emergency exit.

I was laughing by the time we hit the alleyway. I closed the door behind us and couldn't help myself, the absurdity of what had just happened finally hitting me.

"What's so funny?" Cas asked, as I chortled on the brink of hysteria.

"Oh, nothing," I said with another laugh, trying to catch my breath. I wrapped my arm around Beth and shook my head. "Whooo. It's been a long time since I've laughed that hard." I said, thinking it over. We'd been through alot in the last couple of years. Losing the baby, me going to Hell…. We laughed, this was true, but hysterically funny laughter where I felt like my sides were going to split? "It's been more than a long time," I added more solemnly, looking at Beth who was smiling.

"Years," she said. I nodded, feeling the smile drop from my face.

Oklahoma

Sam's POV

Lindsay was really pretty, I had to give her that. I found myself more and more attracted to her with every passing moment. It was a recipe for disaster, I kept telling myself, especially since I was still dreaming about Jess every night. I smiled at something Lindsay said, and chuckled in response, pushing Jess out of my mind. Let the dead stay dead, at least for tonight.

"So… you gonna tell me who those guys back there really were?" She asked pointedly, looking at me. "And don't say hunting buddies."

"Okay," I said, raising my eyebrow. "We used to be in the same business together."

"What business?" She wasn't going to give up, and I struggled with the thought of telling her everything, though I knew deep inside that to keep her safe, I couldn't reveal my past.

"How's your salad?" I asked.

"Witness protection? Right? You're Mafia?" She asked in response, completely ignoring my attempt to change the subject.

"I'm not Mafia," I said with a smile.

She let out a hot, frustrated breath and leaned back in her chair, sizing me up. "Okay, I get it," she said. "Don't mean to pry, my bad."

I sighed, looking into her curious eyes, and then I started to talk. "I used to be in business with my siblings. Truth is I was pretty good at the job. But...I made some mistakes, I did some stuff I'm not so proud of, and people got hurt. A lot of people."

"What was your poison?" She asked, leaning forward on the table, resting on her forearms.

"Sorry?" I queried, thrown by the question.

"Come on," she said. "You were hooked on something, I know the look." She reached into her pocket and pulled out a sobriety medallion, dangling it in front of her. "Three years sober."

"You work in a bar," I pointed out.

"So do you," she replied with a smile. I chuckled, she had no idea.

"Look, Keith. I don't know you and I'm the last person to be giving advice, but I do know that no one has ever done anything so bad that they can't be forgiven. That they can't change."

I wasn't so sure about that.

Next Day
St. Peter's Hospital, Maine

Beth's POV

The more we talked about the plan, the bigger my nerves got. But there was no time for that now. It was go time. I helped Cas pour the holy oil in a circle around Donnie - Raphael's vessel - watching his face carefully for any change in his catatonic state.

"It will work, Beth," Cas reassured me. "Soon, Raphael will be with us."

"That's what I'm afraid of," I muttered under my breath, finishing up the oil as the door opened and Dean slipped inside, moving to close the shades to the corridor.

"When the oil burns, no angel can touch or pass through the flames, or he dies," Cas said.

"Okay," Dean said with a nod. "So we trap him in a steel cage of holy fire, but one question. How the hell do we get him here?"

That wasn't half as complicated with the question I had about how we were going to burn holy oil inside a hospital without drawing a lot of attention.

"Very simple," Cas answered. "We'll use the … angel radio… as you call it. There's almost an open line between a vessel and his angel. One just has to know how to dial."

"Tune," Dean said. "Tune in, the station."

Cas looked at him with a confused expression and Dean threw his hands in the air. "Nevermind," he muttered, shaking his head at me. I smiled back and winked, I was starting to wonder if Cas would ever get the subtle intricacies of our language - it really was nothing like Enochian.

Cas turned his attention back to Donnie, still sitting in his chair, immobile. He leaned down and chanted in Enochian into the vessel's ear. I was close enough to hear Cas's veiled threat when he finished, translated into English.

"I'm here, Raphael. Come and get me, you little bastard," he said, before stepping back outside the oil circle.

"Just out of curiosity," I asked. "What is the average wait time to speak to an Archangel?"

Cas looked sternly at me, his eyes dark and determined. "Be ready." Then he fired a match, dropping it down on to the oil which burst into a ring of iridescent orange flames.

12 hours later...

Abandoned House

It had been a long, and uneventful day. I groaned at the knots in my neck, and climbed out of the Impala once we stopped moving.

"Well, that's one day I'll never get back," Dean commented, joining me with a sigh. He slipped his arm around my waist and inclined his head toward the house, the weariness in his eyes plain as day.

We trudged up the stairs and inside, Cas following us.

"Guys, wait," Cas said, as a flash of bright light flared through the room. I gasped, holding out a hand to protect from the brightness, while Dean pushed me behind him. Donnie was no longer in St Peters, he was now in the room, and the shadow of angel wings silhouetted against the wall - indicating what was already clear as day. Donnie was no more. Lightbulbs shattered in their sockets as the light faded, returning the house back to the din of twilight.

"Castiel," Raphael said, turning his face to look at us.

"Raphael," Cas replied, taking a step forward with Dean.

"And I thought you were supposed to be impressive. All you do is black out a room," Dean jibed, and Raphael smirked at him.

"And the Eastern Seaboard," he said. I looked up to see lightning flash outside in the growing darkness. "It is a testament to my unending mercy that I do not smite you here and now."

"Or maybe you're full of crap," Dean countered. "Maybe you're afraid God will bring Cas back to life again and smite you and your candy-ass skirt. By the way, hi, I'm Dean."

"I know who you are," Raphael said, barely even looking at Dean as he stared off with Cas. "And now, thanks to him, I know where you are."

"You won't kill him. You wouldn't dare," Cas said.

"But I will take him to Michael," Raphael replied.

"Well then. Sounds terrifying. It does. But, uh, hate to tell you, I'm not going anywhere with you," Dean said, playing it cool and grabbing a beer from the cooler by the cold fireplace.

"Surely you remember Zachariah giving you stomach cancer?" Raphael asked. Dean's shoulders tensed, and I could tell he was replaying that incident through his mind as he stood up and turned around.

Dean sipped from the bottle and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, chuckling. "Yeah, that was, that was hilarious."

"Well, he doesn't have anything close to my imagination," he threatened, and I felt my heart skip a beat, waiting… just waiting for the moment, watching as he took a few more steps toward us. Finally it was here.

"Yeah? I bet you didn't imagine one thing," Dean said with a grin.

"What?" Raphael asked.

"We knew you were coming," I said, flipping the zippo I was holding and dropping it on the holy oil that was now circled on the floor around Raphael.

"You stupid son of a bitch," Dean added.

Raphael glared at us, and Dean took a step back toward Cas. "Don't look at me, it was his idea."

"Where is He?" Cas asked, stepping past Dean and looking through the flames at his brother.

"God?" Raphael asked incredulously. "Didn't you hear? He's dead, Castiel. Dead. There's no other explanation. He's gone for good."

"You're lying," Cas countered.

"Am I? Do you remember the twentieth century? Think the twenty-first is going any better? Do you think God would have let any of that happen if He were alive?" He asked, and I had to admit, he had a point.

"Oh yeah? Well then who invented the Chinese basket trick?" Dean asked, in fine sarcastic form.

"Careful. That's my Father you're talking about, boy," Raphael said, glaring at my smart mouthed husband.

"Yeah, who would be so proud to know His sons started the frigging apocalypse," I said, throwing my hand in the air, waving it around in general. In my mind, the apocalypse was just sort of - out there - like a there but not.

"Who ran off and disappeared," Raphael said. "Who left no instructions and a world to run."

Dean snorted. "Daddy ran away and disappeared. He didn't happen to work for the post office, did He?"

"This is funny to you? You're living in a godless universe," Raphael said. There was something there, underneath his condescending attitude. He was scared. He was how I felt - worn out. Over it.

"And?" Dean asked in just as condescending a tone. "What, you and the other kids just decided to throw an apocalypse while He was gone?"

"We're tired," Raphael said, confirming my thoughts. "We just want it to be over. We just want...paradise."

"So, what, God dies and makes you the boss and you think you can do whatever you want?" I asked, stepping up beside Dean.

"Yes," Raphael replied, looking at me. "And whatever we want, we get." There was a splintering sound and then a tinkle as the glass in all the windows shattered, bursting inwards.

For a moment I wondered if we had company, but it was soon apparent that it was just a show of Raphael's immense power. I was thankful for the holy oil containing him, especially if that was an indication of his power.

"If God is dead, why have I returned? Who brought me back?" Cas asked.

"Did it ever occur to you that maybe Lucifer raised you?" Raphael asked.

"No," Cas replied, shaking his head.

"Think about it. He needs all the rebellious angels he can find - you've been hanging with some of the most rebellious in Heaven… Ezekiel… Sariel. You know it adds up." The wind picked up, rain streaming into the house from the broken windows. We were dripping with wet, but it was the least of our concerns.

Cas shook his head. "You have no idea," he said. "Let's go."

"Castiel, I'm warning you. Do not leave me here. I will find you," Raphael threatened, standing powerless in the circle of fire, its flames still burning brightly despite the water.

Cas paused, looking back at him. "Maybe one day," he said. "But today, you're my little bitch." He turned and walked out and Dean grabbed my hand, pausing to look at the dark-skinned angel who was simmering with rage.

"What he said," he said finally, before pulling me out the door with him.

Bar, Oklahoma
Sam's POV

The sound of the bell on the door reminded me that I really needed to lock the door before starting clean up.

"Bar's closed," I said, finishing wiping down the table before turning around. Tim was standing in front of me, looking at me with a glare that would stop Satan himself.

"Hey," I said, trying to break the ice.

"Something you want to tell me, Sam?" He asked, ignoring the greeting. He was covered in dirt, and blood, and wringing his hands together.

"What?" No." I replied with a frown.

"You sure around that?" He asked. I was just starting to take in his appearance, it was bloody, and dirty, and I was pretty sure I hadn't seen him this pissed before.

"I—I don't know—jeez. Are you okay? Where are Reggie and Steve?" I asked.

"Oh, Steve's good, he's," Tim chuckled, wiping a hand across his face and shaking his head. "uh, his guts are lying roadside outside the Hawley Five and Dime."

I froze. Things had not gone well with the hunt. "I'm sorry," I said.

"Sorry don't cut it, Sam," Tim replied.

"What do you want me to say?" I asked, holding my hands out.

"The truth." He said. I kept quiet. I couldn't tell them what I knew. I didn't even know what he wanted to hear.

"Okay, fine," Tim said, nodding. "Let me give you some of my own, then. We go into town, we catch ourselves a demon, we get jumped by ten more. Steve bought it."

"I'm sorry," I repeated.

"Saying it twice don't make it so, Sam. You see, this demon, he, uh, he told us things. Crazy things, things about you, Sam."

"Demons lie," I said, feeling my blood run cold. This was not good. Tim was out for blood, and fair chance it was mine right now.

"Yeah," Tim said, shaking his head again. "I'm gonna ask you one last time. The truth. Now." The door chimed again and this time I saw Reggie come in, pulling Lindsay behind him.

"Lindsay!" I started to move toward her, while Reggie brought a knife up to her neck, holding her tight against him.

"What's going on?" She asked, the fear evident in her voice. I pulled back inside of myself, weighing up my options, just as Dad had taught us. Problem was, these guys were trained too, and there were two of them - and they were pissed. One thing I did know, rough as they were, these were good guys.

"Just take it easy, okay? Put the knife down," I said, holding my hands out in front of me in a peaceful gesture. Reggie complied, putting the knife on the bar, but his arm stayed at Lindsay's back, a grip on her so she couldn't run.

"It's true," I confessed. "What the demons said, it's all true."

Tim looked surprised to hear me say it, and then he crossed his arms. "Keep going."

"Why? You gonna hate me any less? Am I gonna hate myself any less? What do you want?" I asked in exasperation.

"I want to hear you say it!" Tim said, anger dripping off his tongue.

I sighed, nodding at him. "I did it. I started the apocalypse."

Tim took a moment to process what I said, and I glanced over at Lindsay for a second. When I looked back he was holding a vial.

"What is that?" I stalled, trying to come up with a plan that wasn't going to see Lindsay or myself dead.

"What do you think it is?" Tim asked. "It's go juice, Sammy boy."

"Get that away from me," I said, stepping back.

"Away from you?" Tim said incredulously. "No. This is for you. Hell if that demon isn't right as rain. Down the hatch, son."

"You're insane," I said, shaking my head.

"Here's what's gonna happen," he said, as Reggie cuffed Lindsay to the bar. "You're gonna drink this, Hulk out, and you're gonna waste every one of the demon scum that killed my best friend."

He nodded over at Lindsay slowly. "Or she dies."

"You wouldn't do that," I said.

"It's funny how watching your best friend die changes that," Tim replied. Together Reggie and Tim advanced on me. I took a few steps back, biding my time, uncertain just how good their skills really were.

"Come on, you know you want it, Sam. Just reach out and take it," Tim said, holding the vial to me. Reggie charged at the same time and I blocked, using his momentum to toss him backwards and over my shoulder into the pool table, landing a punch to his face. Tim was soon upon me, and I realised that I'd locked myself into a difficult position as we exchanged a few punches before landing on the floor. Reggie recovered quickly, and together they pulled me to the ground, Reggie getting me in a head grip, forcing my jaw back. I was powerless to get free of them. For now. Forcing my mouth open, they poured the blood in, and then held my nose. I was forced to swallow it - the metallic zing from the blood sent an exhilaration through me like none other. Almost instantly I felt the power. They shoved me aside and moved away, all of us breathing hard, the sounds of our struggle echoing through the room as they watched to see what would happen.

"There, was that really so bad?" Tim asked as I climbed to my feet. I reacted instantly, spitting in his face, and then I punched him. Reggie was next, I found the pure rage rippling through me exhilarating as I landed a few punches and a kick. I grabbed Tim, slamming him into the bar, the silver glint of Reggie's knife discarded caught my eye. I seized it, pressing it up against Tim's throat. Every ounce of my body wanted to slice into that skin, to take from him for having destroyed the peace I'd created here.

But, Lindsay.

She was watching, I felt her eyes on me before I even looked up. When I did, the horror in her face, the fear, was enough to stay my hand. I sighed, pulling TIm to his feet and shoved him toward Reggie.

"Go," I said, disgusted.

"Don't think we won't be back," Tim threatened.

"Don't think I won't be here," I replied. If they wanted to come back so be it, but I was done running.

Impala

Dean's POV

We'd been driving a short while since seeing Raphael and Cas had been silent the entire time. He was riding shotgun, Beth in the back. I glanced in the rearview at her and she met my look with a smile. I shrugged and then turned to Cas.

"You okay?"

He didn't reply. Not surprising. He was not happy with the results we'd gotten and now we were just as in the dark as ever before - but now we had another archangel who was out to get us.

"Look, I'll be the first to tell you that this little crusade of yours is nuts, but I do know a little something about missing fathers," I said, and Beth leaned forward to rest her arms along the back of the seat, listening quietly.

"What do you mean?" Cas asked, glancing over at me.

"I mean there were times when I was looking for my dad when all logic said that he was dead, but I knew in my heart he was still alive. Who cares what some ninja turtle says, Cas, what do you believe?" I said.

"I believe he's out there," Cas replied.

"Good. Then go find him," I said with a nod.

"What about you?" Cas asked.

"What about me?" I queried, frowning at him.

"How are you both, really?" Cas said, looking at Beth this time. She shrugged and glanced at me.

"We're good, Cas. Honestly," she replied.

"Yeah, I can't believe I'm saying it, but we are, we're really good," I agreed.

"Even without your brother?"

"Especially without our brother," I replied instantly.

"Dean…" Beth's voice was more cautioning. She didn't agree with Sam running off on us.

"No, come on Beth.I spent so much time worrying about the son of a bitch. I mean, I've had more fun with you two in the past twenty-four hours than we've had with Sam in years, and well… Cas isn't that much fun." I said. She looked incredulously at me, glancing to see Cas's reaction, but in true angel fashion, he didn't seem to get the insult.

"Sam is still our family," she said.

"Yeah, and we've always been there for him, you know that. It's been our job - first me, then you, it's always been one of us having to look after Sammy. It's funny, you know, I've been so chained to my him, but now that we're alone, hell, I'm happy. I was happy in Minnesota, I'm happy now." I glanced over at them, and was surprised to see that Cas, in true angel form, had just taken off. Beth sighed, and climbed over the seat, sliding in beside me. I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and kissed her forehead, wondering if she was going to press for that visit to Lisa's.

"We should take a couple of days, just the two of us," she said softly, resting her head on my shoulder.

"Yeah, sure, that's a good idea. Pick up where we left off before Cas took us galavanting to Maine," I replied. She nodded and fell silent. I'd known her long enough to know that something wasn't sitting with her right, but I didn't want to get into it over Sam.

"Hey," I said, keeping my eyes on the road, but squeezing her a little tighter to me. "You know, everything is going to work out, right?" I said it as much for myself as I did her.

"Right?" I pressed, when she didn't respond.

"Yeah, of course," she replied, not exactly enthusiastically. "We'll find a way, we always do."

Beth's Journal
Pennsylvania

Almost a week and nothing to show for it other than miles on the Impala. Cas is off on his search for God again, and we are in a B&B in a little backwater town, trying to convince ourselves that the world isn't coming to an end. I wish I could shake from my mind this heavy feeling, the fear that we're missing something, that we are about to cross into the Twilight Zone and nothing will ever be the same. Perhaps we're already there. I've never been one to have a crisis of faith, but I find myself questioning. Not about angels, not even about the Devil, but God? Maybe Raphael is right, maybe the world around us is evidence enough … maybe we've sent Cas off on a wild goose chase.

Sam's Journal
Oklahoma

Jess came back in my dreams again. But this time it was different. She was confrontational, pushing me about sticking my head in the sand, trying to live a normal life. It was so out of character for her, that I started to doubt. I argued with her, turned my back, and when I turned around it wasn't Jess talking to me - it was Lucifer. I knew right away. He looked so sincere, like he was genuinely concerned about me.

Motel
Sam's POV

"You are a hard one to find, Sam. Harder than most humans. I don't suppose you'd tell me where you are?" He said to me, and I breathed a sigh of relief, it was a dream - we were in a dream and he hadn't found me yet.

"What do you want with me?" I asked.

"Thanks to you, I walk the earth. I want to give you a gift. I want to give you everything," he replied.

"I don't want anything from you," I retorted.

"I'm so sorry, Sam, I, I really am, but Nick here is just an improvisation. Plan B. He can barely contain me without spontaneously combusting." I looked at him, a simple man, blonde hair, sad brown eyes. His skin was starting to discolour in places, veins of black running across his face.

"What are you talking about?" I asked hesitantly, although deep down I had a gut feeling this wasn't going to be good.

"Why do you think you were in that chapel? You're the one, Sam. You're my vessel. My true vessel," Lucifer said. And somehow it made sense. Dean was Michael's vessel, it would make sense…. Beth had been theorising that certain blood lines were stronger, more readily able to host archangels. And if Dean was from one of those lines…. Then so was I.

"No." I said, shaking my head.

"Yes."

"No. That'll never happen," I replied. I was certain. There was no question.

"I'm sorry, but it will. I will find you. And when I do, you will let me in. I'm sure of it," he replied.

I knew the rules, however. "You need my consent."

Lucifer crossed his arms over his chest and looked at me, huffing out a short breath. "Of course. I'm an angel."

"I will kill myself before letting you in."

"I'll just bring you back," he responded, and the prospect alone terrified me. No death, no respite, no control. Lucifer looked at me and sighed. "Sam. My heart breaks for you. The weight on your shoulders, what you've done, what you still have to do. It is more than anyone could bear. If there was some other way...but there isn't. I will never lie to you. I will never trick you. But you will say yes to me."

"You're wrong."

"I'm not. I think I know you better than you know yourself," he replied.

"Why me?" I asked, my heart starting to beat faster. I almost felt a panic coming on.

"Because it had to be you, Sam. It always had to be you," he replied. When I looked up, he was gone and I was alone. Gasping I moved for the phone, I needed to call Beth, and Dean, tell them what had just happened. Maybe she'd been right all along, maybe I shouldn't be venturing too far from the family right now.

AUTHOR'S NOTES

Song for the chapter: Hold on to Me - Mayday Parade

Hopefully won't be as much of a break before the next one (it's already half-written). Just been hard juggling work, study and single parenthood. I'm going to try play for an update every 6 weeks when I'm on term breaks, but we'll see … there's always something that comes up to get in the way.

As always, hope you enjoyed this update - I thought it was a bit of a boring filler, but I didn't want to delay it out further to add stuff in before moving on. There were a few moments that made me chuckle - such as Cas :D