Between Heaven & Hell

by belladonna78

Sequel to "To Hell & Back", and the fifth installment of my Supernatural fanfics. Check out my stories and AN for more info on where to start. This is Season 5 -What will it take for Dean, Beth and Sam to put a stop to the Apocalypse? Will Beth lose Dean again? Dean/OC. Slightly AU but mostly follows the Supernatural show with my own spin. Rated MA for smut. Please read and review!

13. Dean, Interrupted

'Cause we've been on the run so long they can't find us
Who's gonna have to die to remind us
That it feels like we chose this blindly
Now I'm gonna fuck up a hotel lobby 'cause
These tough, times they keep coming
Last night I might have messed it up again
Some days like I'm barely breathing
And after we were high and the love dope died

It was you

The pill I keep taking
The nightmare I wake in
There's nothing, no nothing, nothing but you
My perfect rock bottom
My beautiful trauma
My love (my love), my love, my drug, oh

---

DEAN, INTERRUPTED

---

Ketchum, OK
Dr. Fuller's Office

Dean's POV

This would have to rank among one of the craziest ideas we'd ever had. Right up along with getting ourselves arrested and thrown into prison for a hunt. I had vivid… vivid recollections of what a nightmare that had been. The issue hadn't been the job, that had been fairly straight forward in the end, no it had been the fact that a tonne of cement and guarded prison cells had meant I was nowhere near Beth.

So, when she told me the plan was to get herself committed in order to help Martin, it was with a great deal of trepidation that I agreed.

"Trust me," she'd said. "By the time we're done… both of us will be enjoying their hospitality."

Now, sitting in the good doctor's office, I was starting to have my doubts. I hoped that the nerves I was feeling were only adding to the act we were putting on. The doctor had been scanning Beth's file for the last few minutes, and when he finally looked up at her, she tossed him a perfectly concocted smile of anxiety.

"You were referred to me by a Dr. Babar in Chicago," he said, referencing the file Beth had put together overnight.

"That's right," I said with a nod.

"Isn't there a children's book about an elephant named Babar?" He asked, raising an eyebrow at me.

That had been my call, I fought not to chuckle at the fact that we actually used it. I had said it as a joke, and Beth had run with it. Sam would be rolling his eyes so hard all you'd see would be whites. But he wasn't here. Who the hell knew where he was, by the way. The last we'd heard from him, he'd been headed to Chicago… hence Dr. Babar's location. Past that, Beth had received a text every few days as a check-in, but no further information. Once we were done here, we were headed North to pick him up, like it or not.

"I don't know," I said with a frown, playing my part. "I don't have any elephant books. Look, Doctor, I-I-I think the doc was in over his head with this one." I pointed at Beth, who smiled at the doctor again. "Because my wife is…" I trailed my voice off deliberately, and circled a finger at the side of my head - the classic "cray cray" sign, and let out a little whistle.

Dr. Fuller didn't seem to appreciate my humour. Mind you, neither would I if this were for real. But it wasn't. We had parts to play, and sadly, the truth was pretty much going to get us exactly where we needed to be.

"Okay, fine, thank you," the doctor said, frowning at me. "That's-that's really not necessary." He picked up the file, plus a notepad and turned his attentions to Beth. "Why don't you tell me how you're feeling, Alex?"

Beth sighed, shrugging her shoulders and scrunching her nose up a little as if she didn't really understand why she was here. "I'm fine," she said. "I mean, okay, a little down in the dumps I guess…"

"Okay. Any idea why?" The doctor asked, not looking up from whatever he was writing on his notepad.

Beth took a deep breath, and held her hands out, palms up in a futile gesture. "Well, you know, maybe because I'm responsible for the start of the Apocalypse." She said it with such conviction, I almost believed her. I frowned, looking sideways at her for a moment. How much of this wasn't acting? That thought troubled me more than the fact that we were trying to get ourselves thrown into a nuthouse.

The doctor had looked up sharply when she spoke, asking "The apocalypse?"

"Yeah, that's right," she nodded in reply. He turned to look at me, and I threw him the smile of an indulgent, patient husband who had heard this before.

"And you think you started it?"

Beth's head bobbed up and down a few times, her hair floating in long strands around her face.

"Well, yeah," she said quite pragmatically. "I mean… not me personally… that was, that was our brother…" she looked sideways at me.

"Your brother?" The doctor asked.

"Right, Sam," she replied.

"You're, married?"

"Well, not to Sam, he's my brother," she said, frowning slightly.

"In-law…." I cut in, reaching out to pat her arm as it rested on the side of the armchair. "Right honey?"

"Yeah, right," Beth nodded. "Brother-in-law."

Dr Fuller nodded thoughtfully, making a couple of notes. How I wished I could see what he had to say. Maybe, just maybe I'd request our files after this. I mean, we could do that… I think… and it would be interesting to see what the good man was saying.

"I see. And, your brother, Sam. He started the Apocalypse?" Dr Fuller asked, looking up.

"Right," Beth confirmed. "He killed this demon, Lilith, and accidentally freed Lucifer from Hell." She paused and let that sink in, seeing the doctor's confused expression.

"But, you have to understand. If I'd never sold my soul, to bring him back from the dead, Sam wouldn't have been here to release Lucifer. So really? The Apocalypse? Totally on me." I had to force my poker face. I was grateful for those nights spent practicing with her, especially the nights of strip poker… but, I was getting distracted. Turning my attention back to the doctor, he was frowning… making more notes. What the hell could he be writing about?

"Did you say you sold your soul?" He asked after a moment.

"Yes," Beth said, nodding. "To bring Sam back after the Yellow-Eyed Demon had him killed. But doc…" she leaned forward, bringing her head closer to his desk and whispering conspiratorially, "...it all backfired." She raised her finger to her lips, frowning slightly and pausing. After about ten seconds she sat back in her seat and sighed heavily. "And now Lucifer, he's topside, and we're trying to stop him."

The doctor looked at me, and I tilted my head to the side, still the indulgent husband who thought his wife was crazy with a side order of nuts. "Who is?" Fuller asked.

"Me," Beth replied quickly. "And him," she added, pointing to me. "Sam too, plus Cas."

"Cas?" The doctor asked.

"Yeah, my guardian angel."

"Oh, you mean, like a...like an angel on your shoulder?" Fuller asked.

"No," Beth laughed, rolling her eyes like he was in fact the crazy one. "He wears a trench coat."

Fuller stared at her a moment and then went back to taking notes, writing furiously across the page. I grinned over a Beth, who flashed me a thumbs up while he wasn't looking. I gave him a moment to process everything she'd said, before I started with my part of the act - the one that Beth assured me would get us locked up in the coo-coo house together.

Damn it, she better be right.

"See what I mean, Doc?" I asked. "My wife's been beating herself up about this for months. The apocalypse wasn't her fault."

The doctor stopped writing, a stunned look on his face as he lifted his gaze to me. "It's not?"

"No," I said with a shake of my head. "It's mine. Because, I totally convinced that Crossroads Demon to take me instead. There was no way in Hell I was having my wife - well, girlfriend at the time - go to Hell for my brother. She's a good Christian, do you know what they'd have done to her down there?"

Beth reached out and squeezed my hand, giving me a look of adoration topped off with a smile.

"So brave, my Eddie," she said in a wistful tone. "All the time, looking out for me, and Sam. Keeping us safe. It's not his fault."

I smiled back at her. "It's not yours either, honey bunch. If anyone is to blame, It's Ruby!"

The doctor had full on stopped taking notes at this stage. He was engaged, on a level of curiosity that I couldn't say I blamed. I mean, honestly, I would have been worried listening to us too. There had been someone who said that truth is often stranger than fiction. Man, that guy had no idea how right he'd been.

"Who… who is Ruby?" The good doctor spluttered.

"Oh, she's another demon," I supplied, seeing his eyes widen. "Not the one Sam killed to bring on the Apocalypse… but … she was there. She got Sam addicted to demon blood, and near the end, he was practically chugging the stuff."

Fuller looked from me to Beth, and she mimicked drinking a big stein of beer and shook her head sadly.

"My brother's not evil, he didn't mean to get in so deep..." I explained, looking over at Beth. "He was just...high...yeah?"

"Right!" Beth said, nodding furiously.

"And it's not my wife's fault he spiraled downhill. If I hadn't been in Hell, he would never have gotten under Ruby's influence. I take full responsibility." I said, hand over my heart as I said it. "So, could you just... fix her up so we can get back to traveling around the country and hunting monsters?"

Fuller paused, holding a finger up in the air while he picked up the phone and dialed an extension. I hazarded a nervous look at Beth, slightly worried, but she returned my look with a confident smile, and a reassuring squeeze to my hand.

"Irma...cancel my lunch," the doctor said when his secretary picked up the other end.

I smiled gratefully at the doctor as he hung up. This was it. We were in… we had to be.

---

Inside the Mental Health Ward

It was amazing how easily it came, slipping back into the hunt. There had to be some psychological euphemism for that, up there along with denial and … maybe seeking redemption for all of my failures. Mostly, it was because Beth had reminded me what we were here for. We were hunters, we protected those who couldn't protect themselves - it was the family business.

As we walked side by side down a bleak, grey corridor, a nurse led the way, speaking in happy, friendly tones that grated on my every nerve.

"Doctor Fuller would like to keep you both under observation for a couple of days," she said, turning to look at us over her shoulder, never faltering in her strides.

"Both?" I asked, feigning surprise. "Me too?"

The nurse smiled, and turned back to look ahead. "Yes, Sugar," she replied loud enough for me to hear. "The doctor thinks that would be best."

I flashed Beth a victorious smile, and she grinned at me. Step one, check.

Step two, apparently, was in a tiny little examination room where I ended up alone with the bubbly nurse.

"All right," she said, wrapping a blood pressure cuff around my right arm. "I'm just gonna give you a little check-up." I looked at her, raising my eyebrow. Now that we were in, I was starting to feel the nerves slipping away. As she pumped up the cuff and placed a stethoscope to my inner elbow to read my blood pressure, I looked her over.

Utilitarian. Brunette, hair pulled back into a ponytail, white long-sleeved shirt under blue scrubs, and sensible white shoes.

"Okay, Nurse Ratched," I said. "Let's get one thing straight. I've seen Cuckoo's Nest, so don't try any of that soul-crushing, authoritarian crap on me, hm?"

"Okie-dokie," she said with a smile. I looked at her, nodding once, and feeling quite uncomfortable the way she was looking at me. She seemed to be enjoying her job just a tad too much. But I was reassured by the okie-dokie. Only nice people said okie-dokie.

After writing a couple of notes in my file, the nurse looked over her shoulder at me. "All right, you can go ahead and take down your pants," she invited. I stopped, looking at her.

"Wait, w-what for?" I asked, frowning at her. She turned around with an innocent smile, snapping a pair of gloves on to her hands.

Say, what?!

"Oh, no… is that really necessary?"

"Yes, I'm afraid it is, just doing my job," she said with a smile. I sighed, and hopped down off the gurney I'd been sitting on, reaching for my pants.

Beth hadn't mentioned any of this when she was selling me on this hunt!

---

Short Time Later

Beth was due for her check-up after me. I had not seen her on my way out of the examination room, another orderly came to take my belongings, and hand over some blue scrubs, shoes and a blue robe. I'd nearly changed my mind when I was led into a bathroom, and assisted to shower. At least there hadn't been any extra cavity searches that time. I'd reluctantly given up my jeans, and donned the garb of the asylum. After all, we needed to be here, and so that meant playing ball.

I thought back on my time in prison, and realised I hadn't been quite so thoroughly examined when I'd been admitted to the prison, because we'd been doing a favour for the warden. This almost felt wrong, yet here we were. By the time I was done dressing, the orderly was back and escorting me to the common room.

I shifted uncomfortably, leaning against the back of a couch and looking at my surroundings. Nothing much had changed in the ten minutes I'd been here. I was staring at a spot on the floor when I heard familiar steps, and then she was in my arms, her hands reaching up to clasp my face and lift it up to her lips, pulling me close and then closing the distance.

Beth kissed me as if her life depended on it. Or, I realised, like she was trying to get something out of her head. She slowly lingered with her lips pressed to mine, before opening those swirling brown eyes to look at me and letting out a little satisfied moan.

"Better?" I asked with a grin, and she smiled back.

"Getting there."

"How was your Silkwood shower?" I smirked, my eyes trailing down the length of her body and taking in the way those scrubs clung to her hips - how the hell did anyone manage to make scrubs look that damn sexy?

"Heh," Beth scoffed. "Yeah. Good. Uh, so… did the Nurse…" she reached behind me, grabbing a generous handful of ass, and causing me to jump.

"Whoa!" I said. "Take it easy there sugarpie." But I nodded at the unspoken question. "She was very thorough."

"Yeah. Right," Beth nodded, stepping back slightly and running a hand through her hair. "Me too."

"Like… both?" I asked. I had always wondered how that went down in border security. Like, there was quite literally twice as many places for a woman to hide… Beth looked at me, her eyes slightly widening.

"Uh huh!"

I couldn't help but get the image that popped into my head. I mean, seriously. Two beautiful women… poking, and prodding. "Oh man," I said, a far away look in my eyes. "I would have paid…"

"Dean!"

"What?!" I asked, seeing the flash of anger in her eyes.

"Really?" She was giving me that look that told me, she was annoyed and yet totally not surprised that I was bringing up something like this while we were in the middle of a hunt. But what was I supposed to do? I was, despite all my issues of late, still a hot blooded man.

"Oh come on," I grinned, lowering my voice and looking around to see if anyone was listening. Nobody was. I continued, "...you know we've kind of been there…" In fact, I was getting excited just remembering that one trip to Florida when we'd had a run in with a succubus… one hell of a sexy, blonde, beautiful….

"Not. One. More. Word," Beth warned, her words clipped as she narrowed her eyes at me. I couldn't help myself. I had to… I simply had to.

Leaning in closer to Beth, I brought my lips to her ear and whispered. "Olivia."

Beth turned to glare at me, but underneath her stern look, I could see her eyes twinkling. She took advantage of our proximity, her hand sliding between our bodies, just resting… the back of her hand against my…

I felt myself twitch. She did too if her expression was anything to go by.

"Perhaps you can watch... " she said with a raised eyebrow.

"But…"

"Watch and no play, that can be your punishment." I swallowed, hard, and found myself at a loss for words. Every cell in my body wanted to wipe that smug look off her face with a heart stopping kiss, pulling her into my arms, and then bending her over the couch… right here… repeating what had just occurred in the intake room, only with my...

I stopped that line of thought as soon as I looked over the couch, and saw all the other patients. The woman playing with a pink bunny looked especially mental. It definitely killed my buzz.

Sighing, I looked at Beth and slipped a hand around her waist, pulling her against me. Not sexually, just a need to touch her, have her near me, to remind me of better things to come. Maybe I needed her to remind me we weren't going to end up in here… crazy, filled with knowledge of things that most people thought were figments of the imagination.

"I can't believe I let you talk me into this," I said after a moment.

"It's the least we could do. Martin saved Dad's ass more times than we can count. He's a great hunter," she replied.

"Was," I pointed out. "Until Albuquerque."

No one talked about Albuquerque. We hadn't been there, but the story Dad had told us was enough. Martin had been lucky to get out alive, and while he'd managed to kill the monster he'd been hunting, it hadn't been without loss.

"Dad would have said… we have to keep moving, doing the job," Beth said, her face taking on a stubborn, resolute expression. She had drilled me for the last few days, pushing me, just like I had done to her when she'd first joined us. Then, I'd been afraid of losing her, of having Dad decide it would be easier to send her away. I suspected her reasons were similar, watching me slip into myself after losing Ellen and Jo. No one wanted to see their loved ones disappear in front of them.

The fact that Beth had pulled out the old drill sergeant Dad routine to bring me back, said more about us than it did our situation. We were irreversibly broken, I could see that. I was okay with that, because at least we had each other. Beth, still pushing us to get back into hunting, was … more troubling.

"You're really starting to worry me, you know that right?" I said as she observed our surroundings, and started to lead us through the common room, looking for Martin.

"Why?" It was a look of true confusion offered me as we walked.

"This whole, keep marching on, do the job, stuff it all in til we die crap Dad used to make me sprout at you after…" I trailed off.

"Say it," she pushed, staring at me.

"After your dad," I spat out, reaching out to grab her arm and stop her walking down a hallway. "Seriously Beth, I … I'm more worried about you." It was the truth. She hadn't cried. She hadn't beat up anything - other than me, in training, and I knew she went easy on me that day. She hadn't had any of her heart to hearts - she wasn't talking to me, Sam… or Cole for that matter.

"Oh, puhlease Dean," she replied, rolling her eyes and crossing her arms. "Stop. Look, just because we're in the loony bin doesn't give you the right to head-shrink me."

"Beth…"

"Ellen and Jo dying- of course it's not good. It's awful," she continued in a level tone. "But. We can't wallow in it Dean. We just can't."

Keep moving. Head down. Do the job Dean… don't hesitate, don't react, simply let yourself do what you have been trained to do. Let it out through the hunt. The hunt… protecting your brother… is everything.

"Beth, sooner or later we both know you are going to have to deal with this. You can't keep it all inside." I said.

"I'm fine!" Beth insisted with her best smile. For a moment I looked at her, then I frowned, starting to lead the way into the second common room just down the hall.

"Yeah," I muttered. "That's what worries me."

"You worry too much," she replied, reaching out to squeeze my hand. "You know that, right?" As we reached the open area, Beth quickly scanned the room and then inclined her head to the right. "Oh, there he is."

Just like that, we were back on the hunt.

Martin was staring thoughtfully out through the window at a dreary day. It was all dull and grey to me. Beth cleared her throat and Martin turned to look at us, his face brightening when he recognised our faces.

"Beth! Dean, wow," he said, standing up to shake my hand. "Wow, you guys grew up. You look good."

The last time we'd seen Martin, Beth would have been just sixteen, she was a sight to behold now, grown into a woman. No longer the mousy little preacher girl that Martin had known, I felt a rush of pride when I looked at how much confidence and strength she exuded now. Even I was different, I supposed, but those changes were more inside - though Beth said I was growing more handsome with each year, like a fine wine. I took it with a grain of salt.

"Thanks," Beth replied to him. "You too, Martin."

She tucked her hair behind her right ear and took a seat across the table from him. Anyone else would have thought she was telling the truth, but I knew her tell. She was lying. I looked over Martin, seeing a shell of the man he'd once been. It might have been over a decade, but the years had not been kind to him. He slumped, his eyes moving continuously around the room - skittish, like he was expecting something to jump out at him any time.

"Uh… well, thanks for coming," Martin said, motioning for me to sit between him and Beth. I grabbed a nearby chair and turned it around, straddling and sitting with my arms across the back of it. Martin cleared his throat, looking uncomfortably at first Beth, then me.

"In the old days, I could've taken care of this thing with both hands tied behind my back...but, well...now…"

Beth and I nodded gently at him, as he gestured to himself, as if he was exhibit A in the evidence of failure.

"What do you think we're hunting?" Beth asked, getting to the point.

"I don't know yet," Martin said. "A ghost, demon, monster...animal, vegetable, mineral." He chuckled at his joke, then sobered when he saw we weren't laughing. "Like I told you, the hospital's had five deaths in the last four months. Doctors keep calling it suicides, but they're wrong."

"So, you've seen this thing?" Beth continued. Martin shook his head.

"Has anyone seen this thing?" I asked.

"Well, a couple patients have, uh...had glimpses, but there's not a lot to go on," Martin replied.

That was better! "Are they reliable?" I asked.

"Oh, sure, why wouldn't they be?" Martin replied seriously. I felt my eyebrow raise involuntarily at the question, turning to look around a nearby woman who was dancing and humming to herself. I looked skeptically at Martin.

"Gee, I don't know," I said.

Martin looked from me to the girl, and then back, his shoulders sagging. Taking a deep breath, he nodded. "I know you kids think I'm a bag of loose screws. Now, you wouldn't be wrong. But I wouldn't have called you unless there was something here. I can feel it in my gut."

Beth looked across the table at me, silent, in a moment I could tell she was considering everything Martin had said. I watched her, feeding back to her through my eyes the thoughts I was having.

I pursed my lips at her. 'This is crazy….'

She raised an eyebrow at me as if to say, 'this is Martin'.

I frowned just a minuscule amount, telling her 'I'm not happy with this.'

She opened her eyes slightly wider, and tilted her head sideways. 'So you do believe him?'

I rolled my eyes to the top of my head and silently sighed, only someone watching me closely would have seen it. The exchange only took a few seconds, but it was all there. Years of working together.

I saw her little smile of victory and softened my eyes at her. 'God I love you.'

'I love you too," her eyes said back to me.

Beth turned back to Martin, smiling. "We believe you, Have you checked any of the bodies? Found signs of an attack?"

"Well, uh, no...I don't go around dead b-b-b-bodies anymore," Martin said, shaking his head and looking slightly terrified. I frowned at his reaction, which worried me more than everything else about this. I knew the story of what had happened in Albuquerque, but… could one hunt really do this to someone?

Even knowing I'd just spent the last week practically comatose, I'd known I'd come out of it eventually. That there was nowhere for me to go, nothing more to be done. For a while there I had just wanted to give up, and I had. But somewhere, deep down, I still knew… this doesn't end in a mental ward…

"Alex, Eddie," I heard Dr Fuller's voice as he walked toward us, turning to look at him.

"Well, I'm glad to see you're making friends," he added, seeing Martin at the table. "Why don't you and, uh, Mr. Creaser join us for group? Please. Right this way." He waited for us to stand, and then led the way out of the commons room, pausing as I reached him, a hand shooting out to rest on my arm.

"Actually, I'm gonna be putting you in the afternoon group," he said.

My heart skipped a beat.

"What?" I asked, glancing at Beth who quickly covered up an alarmed look. "Why?"

"Well, to be frank, uh," Dr Fuller looked as if he was searching for the right words. "The relationship that you have with your wife seems dangerously codependent. I think a little time apart will do you both good."

He had to be kidding.

Fuller turned and walked away, as if the matter wasn't up for discussion. Martin started to follow him while Beth hesitated.

"I told you this was a bad idea!" I whispered to her.

"I'll be fine," Beth said. "In fact, we'll cover more ground this way. Go … mingle. I'll find you when we're done."

I watched her hurry after Fuller and Martin, a heaviness settling in on my chest like a wet rag.

Pull yourself together, I chided myself. You know what you need? I continued to monologue as my eyes alighted on a game at a nearby table. A distraction.

---

An hour later

This was a killer game I had going! I moved a piece into the final row and chuckled. "King me!" I said to no one in particular, laughing when I saw how well I was doing.

"Eddie?" A woman's voice caught my attention, for a moment I forgot she was talking to me, but then I remembered. I was Eddie! I looked up at her, seeing a pretty woman, the same blue scrubs but with a white lab coat over the top. She had long, dark brown hair that fell straight down her front, to just above her breasts. Not that I was staring… much. I forced myself to look up… brown eyes, pretty, like Beth.

"I'm Dr. Cartwright. I've been assigned to your case," she said with a smile.

"You're my shrink?" I asked, tossing her one of my Winchester smiles. "Heh. Lucky me."

She didn't react as expected, instead opening her file and reading from it. "And you're my… paranoid schizophrenic with narcissistic personality disorder and religious psychosis," she replied, closing the file and smiling at me again. "Lucky me."

I looked down, unable to come up with a good comeback there. Beth had certainly done a number on any pick ups with this background.

"Can we talk?" She asked, taking a seat opposite me before I could answer. I looked at her for a moment and then nodded.

"Yes. I actually got some questions for you," I replied.

"What a coincidence. I've got some for you, too," she said, the corners of her mouth turning up slightly.

"Well, then...Quid pro quo, Clarice," I said, sucking my bottom lip into my mouth a couple of times, just like Hannibal Lector. Man I loved that show… scared the crap out of Beth though - monsters she got, but humans preying on humans? She didn't get that.

"Okay, Hannibal. I'll go first. How many hours a night do you sleep?" Erica asked.

I shrugged, leaning back in my chair. "Three or four, every couple of nights." I was exaggerating slightly, but not by much, not lately. "What can you tell me about the recent suicides in here?"

"They were tragic," she replied.

"But you haven't noticed anything...strange, like, uh...I don't know, black smoke or sulfur?" I pressed on. Cartwright seemed to ignore the fact that I was asking two questions in a row, latching on to my unusual comment.

"No. Why? What's that supposed to mean?"

Beth had said that truth is stranger than fiction. Strangely I felt I wanted to tell this woman the truth. So I did. "Demon signs. I hunt demons, monsters, that kind of thing."

She remained unfazed by this reply, asking, "how many drinks do you have a week?"

I assumed she wasn't speaking particularly about last week, given it had been rather… rough. So I averaged it out for her, it was still pretty bad.

"Well, I gotta sleep sometime. So, uh, what's seven days times..." my voice trailed off as I did that math, then looked back at her. "Somewhere in the mid fifties," I said, getting a blank expression from her. My turn. "You ever feel any, uh, cold spots or get a chill walking through the hospital?"

"Not that I can remember. If I had?" She asked.

"It means there's a ghost around."

"Okay," she said slowly. "How long have you known your wife?"

I cocked an eyebrow at her. "Define…'known'..."

She shrugged. "Well, it seems like a pretty straight forward question, Eddie."

"Well, see, it's really not," I informed her, leaning forward on the table. "Because if you go by the time we met… after the mind wipes, then it's been… 14 years. But, if we go with the very first moment we remember meeting, before the mind wipes, then it's like..." Again I did the math, continuing, "21 years."

"Mind wipes?" She looked genuinely curious.

"Right. By our guardian angel, Castiel. You can't blame him though, he was just doing what he was told," I said, wondering just how far I was going to take this little game. I mean, I was coming off pretty crazy here.

"Which was to… wipe your mind?" Cartwright asked.

"Right, exactly," I said with a grin. My turn again. "Have the patients reported seeing anything weird?"

"In here?" She chuckled, looking around the room and leaning forward to whisper, "all the time."

I followed her gaze and realised what a stupid question that had been. "Right."

"So…" Cartwright said, leaning even closer until her arms were resting on top of the file she'd put on the table, over the checkers game. "Let's talk about your father…"

I swallowed hard. Now it was getting real.

---

2 hours later

After my session, I'd had dinner - but I hadn't seen Beth. Someone had said that the groups often ate after we did, so I'd taken to wandering the hallways of this desolate space, lost in my own thoughts. I mean, what if Cartwright was right? What if we really were just delusional, working our way across the country in an egotistical struggle of good vs. evil? If anyone could be called out for getting caught up in their ego, it was Dad, which Cartwright had so eloquently pointed out. She'd also asked, what if I just stopped?

What if…?

What if I could just let it all go, take Beth far away, somewhere this wasn't even happening from what I could see. Like… Vegas! Nothing ever seemed to phase Vegas. We could live out our life just enjoying the kinds of things that were us. Okay, maybe more than me, but I knew she'd love it.

We could finally see the Grand Canyon.

Why didn't I just do that with her? How many times had we driven through Nevada? How many times had we been close… but not close enough to take a pit stop? We talked about it all the time - it was the top of our list of places to see, yet we never got there.

Why?

What was I afraid of?

What if it was some kind of … final endgame, and by going there we had to concede there was nothing left to…

"Dean!"

I stopped short at the sound of Beth's voice, turning around and seeing her standing in a doorway I'd just passed. I didn't know what she saw, but when she looked at my face she shifted from a smile to alarm. "Hey, are you okay?" She asked, walking quickly to close the distance between us, her hands coming up to frame my face.

"Yeah," I said automatically, trying to placate her. She saw through it and frowned. "Okay, no. I just got thraped. So, no, I am not okay," I said after a sigh. I looked into her eyes and saw all my hopes and dreams there, safe. I felt an ache in my chest at the thought and pulled her into my arms, wrapping them tightly around her and holding. She responded in kind, her arms coming about my waist to squeeze back.

"Dean, you're scaring me…"

"I'm sorry, I'm okay. I uh…" I love you so damn much it hurts. I pulled back and smiled at her. "Tell me you found something."

Beth took a moment longer to assess me, her eyes lingering on me before smiling again, and nodding. "Yeah. A guy says he saw the creature. We should talk to him."

"Yeah, okay, good. Let's go," I said, seeing her hesitate.

"I can't, I'm supposed to... " She glanced behind her. "I need to stay here in my room, it's almost time for lights out." That's right… she was going to be in another room to mine. How long had that been?

I didn't like it at all.

I held my breath. Counted to ten. It was just a minor setback. That's it. She'll be back before you know it, Dean.

"I looked up the nurse shifts, they rotate in an hour, they do my end first… so, after they check in, meet here?" Beth asked, her gaze back to concerned. I nodded, clearing my throat so that I could speak.

"Yeah, sooner we take care of this thing, sooner we can get gone. This place gives me the creeps," I said. I felt a sense of panic welling up in my chest when I looked at her. I couldn't let her see that I was breaking. I wasn't ready for this… I knew it, Sam knew it - or he'd be here helping, and Beth.. she had to know it too.

I turned around quickly before she could see the anxiety on my face, and found myself face to face with a gorgeous blonde woman. She reached out for me, and before I knew it, had pulled my face in, her lips finding mine in a hot, sensual kiss. I froze for a moment, almost startled, and then pulled away with a raised eyebrow.

"Hi," she said.

"Uh, hi," I replied, smiling at her.

"I'm Wendy," she said.

"Uh, huh." I felt Beth move next to me, tossing me a curious look and I slid my arm around her waist. "This is my wife…"

Wendy smiled at Beth.

"Hi," Wendy said with another smile.

"Yeah, uh, hi," Beth nodded. Wendy continued walking down the hallway, as if nothing had even happened, I turned to Beth with a grin and opened my mouth.

"Dont!" Beth cut in…"don't even say it, Dean."

"Maybe this place isn't so bad after all," I said after a moment.

"Dean… for God's sake! You can't seriously be thinking…"

"You, me and…that… oh yes," I breathed, turning to look at Wendy who was reaching the end of the hall.

"That is just so many ways… wrong, Dean," Beth said, but she was smiling at me, shaking her head in that endearing way that told me she wasn't worried about me now. At least Wendy had accomplished that.

I watched Wendy round the corner, and quickly pressed my lips to Beth's, tasting both her, and the sweet tang of strawberries from Wendy's lips. "Oh, so torn," I murmured, grabbing her buttock and giving it a squeeze.

"Dean…" Beth protested softly as I pushed open her door and backed us into her room, kissing my way down her neck while my hands explored under her scrubs, brushing along her skin.

I felt myself respond to that moan in the only way that I ever did… the hard way.

Voices passed in the hallway outside, discussing handovers, and I quickly moved us out of view of the window in the door, pressing Beth up against the wall and kissing her thoroughly again.

I groaned, pulling back long enough to press my forehead to hers.

"Dammit, okay, I better go before… they'll be..."

"Yeah," Beth nodded, her eyes dark and sultry. She leaned forward, kissing me again - a little more chaste this time. 'God… you're amazing' I thought to myself, pivoting between doing my job, or saying to hell with it and making love to the goddess in front of me. Beth decided.

"I'll see you soon," she said, her hands dropping from my waist. Her eyes were full of apology, laced with a promise of more to come later. It was that promise that always got me, drove me wild with anticipation, and when we weren't hunting it consumed me until I could act on it.

"Not soon enough," I sighed, yanking the door open and exiting before I could change my mind.

---

An hour (and a bit) later

I'd scooted around the nurse's station, noting their absence and then crept down the hallway to Beth's room. They were late with their schedule, and I'd been lurking in shadows since slipping out of my room. As I reached her room, I knocked three times on the window and then heard a click at the lock.

The door opened in the dimly lit corridor, and Beth stepped out with her lock pick in hand.

I let out a silent sigh of relief, just seeing her and knowing she was safe. "It's about time those nurses when on their rounds," I muttered, watching Beth close the door behind her. "We got, like, fifteen, twenty minutes. So, where is this guy?"

"Room 306," she replied, flipping her braided hair behind her shoulders and inclining her head down the hallway I'd just come. It was keeping ahead of the nurses, and I was all about that. As we rounded the corner, I heard the one thing that creeped me the hell out being in a nuthouse: screaming.

Beth rushed forward, kneeling at the door in a heartbeat and starting to work the pick in the lock. I looked in the window, seeing feet slam up against the window. What… the…?

"Hurry up!" I urged Beth. I couldn't see much going on in the room and that is what scared me. I felt helpless, stuck, unable to do my damn job! "Come on, hurry up!" I snapped.

"Back off Dean!" Beth growled at me, looking up and then she turned back to what she was doing, the lock tumbling.

I slammed my shoulder against the door as I twisted the handle, throwing my weight into it and racing into the room. As Beth followed, I stopped short, feeling her run into me as I stared up at the ceiling. Ted, the man we'd been wanting to talk to, was hanging from a pipe, a bed sheet wrapped around his throat.

We were too late.

"Well, dammit it all to Hell!"

We'd disappeared as quickly as we'd come, locking Ted's door behind him, and scrambling to our rooms. I could barely breathe. He was dead… dead! Just like that, our only clue! My heart had been pounding in my chest like a jackhammer when we reached Beth's room, and I hadn't liked the way my feet had been glued to the floor when she turned to look at me from the doorway.

"Hey, are you okay?"

"No, that thing is still out there!" I said to her, frowning. "What if it comes for you next?"

"Dean, I'll be fine," Beth said, reaching out to squeeze my shoulder. "Going up against hunters is a little different to the other people in here."

I knew that. I mean, I knew that but my hammering chest was saying otherwise. I looked down the hallway, and could hear shouts as people started to notice Ted's situation.

"You need to get back to your room, now," Beth said urgently, her eyes full of worry.

"Yeah, okay, I'm going," I said with a nod.

"Wait there," she added, "I'll come get you in a few hours when things have settled down… we'll go to the morgue and check out what happened." I nodded again, this time not saying anything as I padded down the hallway away from the ruckus that was occurring. I ducked behind a huge potted plant as several nurses rushed past me, and then easily made it back to my room without being caught.

---

Several Hours Later

I was pacing my room, thinking over all the different scenarios that could go wrong here. Beth, locked in a room with a monster… unable to get the door open. Me on the other side of the door, not able to get the door open fast enough. Both of us completely out of our depth… not knowing what this creature was or how it killed, what it was doing in a mental hospital and why it was faking suicides to cover up its killing.

Of course this led to other, more darker, thoughts. Hellhounds. Running. Feeling my feet pulled out from under me. The look on Beth's face as she watched me get dragged back… the sinking, terrifying feeling that shot through me like electricity as I relived those moments of being dragged to Hell. Then Jo… stubborn, proud, stupid girl throwing herself into the frey… helping us to escape and getting herself killed in the process.

It could have been Beth!

It didn't take away from the loss I was feeling for Ellen and Jo, but nothing was more paralysing than thinking about how it could have been her.

When I looked down at my hands, they were shaking. Not from rage, but from terror… I couldn't control this, I couldn't protect her, I got Ellen and Jo killed! I didn't deserve her.

I barely even heard Beth as she picked the lock on my door and swung the door open, asking, "you ready?"

"Yeah," I nodded, moving with the momentum I already had from the pacing. We shot out of the room, and down the hallway. It was less busy as it had to be close to 10pm or later by now. Before long, we were in the morgue and I was opening the drawer to look at our recently murdered.

Beth moved into place on the other side of the drawer, pulling the sheet back from his face. She looked solemnly at him for a moment, and then started to feel around his head. I picked up the hand closest to me and started to look for anything out of the ordinary.

"Hey, I think I found something," Beth said after a moment.

"What do you got?"

"Right here," she said, nodding toward where she was holding the back of Ted's head. "Uh, give me a hand." We turned his head to the side, and Beth grabbed a long Q-tip from the bench nearby. She stuck it into the hole, and I watched it sink further and further into his skull.

Frowning, she pulled the q-tip out and looked at me. "This hole goes all the way through to his brain."

"What does that mean?" I asked, curiously. Beth was looking around the room, her eyes stopping and a grin spreading across her face. She dropped Ted's head back on to the table and crossed the room, turning around with a bone saw in her hands.

"Let's find out," she said.

"Seriously?!" I spluttered, looking at her in disbelief.

She cocked her head to the side and blew me a kiss. "You might want to keep watch."

"I love my wife," I said with a grin. She has no damn idea… no idea… how much.

As I closed the door behind me, I heard the bone saw start up, and the grating sound of it ripping through skull. I shuddered, feeling a ripple of disgust run down my spine. I was so glad I wasn't in there. I had no idea how Sam and Beth stomached this kind of thing. I could do it…. If I had to… but if I had a choice? Hell no. The way she'd almost looked excited wielding that bone saw? It put me on edge.

After about five minutes I heard a door open down the end of the hall. I pushed back into the morgue and found Beth holding up Ted's brain.

"Beth…"

She looked up, her eyes full of fascination. "Dean, look, his brain's been completely sucked dry."

Another shudder rippled down my spine. "That's fascinating," I heard myself say in a flat tone. She chuckled, seeing my discomfort.

"Hurry up," I added. "Someone's coming."

Beth started to put Ted's brain back in his skull, asking, "you know what this means, right?"

"You are even more macabre than I realised?" I asked with a hint of humour.

She stopped what she was doing and cocked an eyebrow at me. "Big word there, babe."

"I have my moments," I said, taking a few steps closer and gesturing for her to get a move on.

"This thing is a wraith," she continued, taking the top of Ted's skull and putting it back in place.

I paused for the briefest of moments, contemplating what she was saying. We hadn't come across one of these in over a decade. The last time - which had also been Beth's first hunt - had been fourteen years ago.

"Yeah, looks like," I agreed finally, weighing all the options. I hurried to help her clean up, putting the bone saw back while she pulled the sheet back up over Ted's head. When I rolled the drawer back into the cooler, I saw Beth removing her gloves then throwing them in the bin.

Moving to the door, I could hear the footsteps almost upon us. I turned to Beth, seeing her smirking at me.

"What?"

Beth took off her top, revealing a plain black bra that contrasted beautifully with her soft white skin. She jumped up on the gurney, her legs dangling toward the floor and nodded. "Take me," she said.

"What?!" I whispered furiously at her. "Now?!"

"No, tomorrow Dean… yes now!" All at once I saw where she was going with this.

"You don't have to ask me twice," I grinned, moving in front of her and sliding my hands along her back. "You have a ridiculously stupid libido, you know that?"

She giggled at me, pulling my head down so it was buried against her neck. "I can't help it," she breathed. "Must be the risk of getting caught."

"Have I mentioned how sexy you are?" I murmured into her skin.

Beth took a fistful of my hair and pulled my head up so she could look at me. "Less talk, more action," she ordered, kissing me hard and fast.

I groaned into the warmth of her lips and tongue, rising to meet her heated passion. I wanted to feel every inch of her skin, the more I thought about it the harder I got… so, so in need of what was right in front of me, and still aching from our earlier tease.

Pulling up her bra, I latched my lips around her nipple, leaning her back slightly and hearing her gasp with pleasure… just as the door behind us opened.

We froze.

"What are you two doing in here?" A woman asked, and I grinned at Beth as I lifted my head, pulling her top down over her chest. Beth flashed me a perfect distraction smile, dropping her eyes to my very hard erection pressed against where her legs were wrapped around me. I suddenly wanted to one-up her.

I raised an eyebrow at her, turned to the nurse - seeing that it was the same one who had giving me my welcome examination. I had just a split second to think this was poetic justice as I pulled down my pants and raised my hands in the air.

"Pudding!" I cried out, giving her a big, innocent smile.

Down below, I was saluting her with my full glory, something that did not go unmissed by the straight laced nurse.

"We love dessert," Beth said from behind me, letting out a giggle and sliding her arms up and over my shoulders to caress my chest.

The nurse smiled and rolled her eyes at us. "All right, come on, you two…" She turned on her heel, waving for us to follow her.

I let out a sigh of relief and pulled up my pants again, looking at Beth as she jumped down to the floor. "Crazy works," I whispered to her as we all left the room.

Ten minutes later, alone in my room, I was still hyper aroused and thinking this was not going to do at all.

Suddenly there was a click at my door, and the lock turned. I crouched up on my bed in the corner, making myself a smaller target, one that was ready to spring into action. As the shadowy figure slipped into my room, I waited until the door was closed and then leaped!

We crashed to the floor, rolling one over the other until I came out on top, swinging my arm back.

"Whoa!" Beth called out, gasping and raising her arms up to block my intended blow. "Easy… tough guy."

"You're getting rusty," I said, chuckling as I dropped my hand to the floor beside her, feeling myself instantly hard again with her proximity.

"I wasn't expecting to get jumped … well… not in a bad way, sneaking into my husband's room," she said breathlessly.

"Like I said… rusty," I grinned, and then I let my weight fall down til we were pressed closely together, kissing her with a ferocious hunger.

---

Want a more indepth look at how Dean and Beth spend their night? Check out Dean & Beth - The X-Files - Chapter 30

---

The next morning

Beth was gone by the time I woke up. I groaned, stretching my limbs out until I couldn't reach any further. Down lower, I already had a tent happening, this made me groan again when I thought back to last night's stolen activities.

Unfortunately I didn't have anyone to help me out with that this morning. I grabbed a pair of clean scrubs from the closet, threw on a robe, and went looking for the showers. I needed a long cold one to start, and then I needed to warm up - what was it about these places and their ability to chill you to the core?

By the time I reached the common lounge, Beth and Martin were already there. I waved at them as I rounded the outside of the room, a series of clown paintings catching my eye. Now that would be an ironic source of art to have in a mental hospital… the art of a serial killer.

"Are those original Gacy's?" I chuckled as I reached Martin and Beth. Martin flashed a slight frown in my direction.

"I painted those," he said. Gulp. Oops!

"Back on point, please," Beth said, nodding at me. "Martin, we're pretty sure this thing is a wraith. Based on Ted's lack of… brain matter."

Martin visibly paled at the word, and I got a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. Am I hungry? Or…?

"Have you ever tangled with one before?" Beth asked, seeing Martin's reaction the same as I had.

"Never," Martin said, shaking his head. "Never wanted to, neither. You?"

Beth nodded. "Yeah. Once. When we were younger."

"Beth's first hunt," I said proudly with a smile.

"Really?" Martin asked, turning to look at Beth with awe and surprise.

"Well… second, technically," Beth said, looking a little uncomfortable with the attention. Martin however was looking impressed with this information.

"How do you kill it?" He asked.

"Silver," I said. "You so much as touch a wraith with the stuff, and the skin will crackle."

"That's the good news. The bad news is...they can pass as humans," Beth added. We all stopped to think this over and look around the room. I was thinking back to our first wraith hunt, the nursing home, the pretty orderly… it could have been anyone, someone no one would have expected, and we'd walked in on it… two bumbling teenagers, looking like they were in the wrong room at the wrong time. But we'd come prepared. We weren't nearly so prepared this time around.

"It could be any Peter, Paul and Mary in the joint," Martin pointed out the obvious.

"Yeah. Fantastic," I muttered under my breath.

"So, how do we find it?" Martin asked.

"A mirror," Beth supplied, nodding at one that happened to be up in the corner of the room, a looking glass to see around corners. "Lore says a wraith will show its true form in a mirror."

"That's how you found yours? The first time?"

"No," I said, shaking my head. "We just got lucky… kind of… walked in on it feeding."

"I don't think we're going to get that lucky here," Beth said.

"Yeah, so, we just gotta spot check every patient and every staff member," I said.

Martin looked a little uncomfortable, shifting nervously from one foot to the other. "Where was the one you found?"

"Nursing home," Beth answered.

Martin nodded thoughtfully at this answer. "Makes sense. Kind of like being in a mental hospital," he said finally.

"This is probably better," Beth commented, and I couldn't have agreed more with her. I turned, nodding as I looked around at the half dozen people in the room with us, mentally thinking about the countless others who were in their rooms, in therapy, or getting food. It was a smorgasbord for a wraith.

"A nuthouse; it's a perfect captive victim pool," I said with a nod.

"Sure," Martin agreed. "Who's gonna believe a patient when they say they saw a monster? It's the perfect hunting ground."

I squared my shoulders and took a deep breath, meeting eyes with Beth over Martin's shoulder. She gestured with her head for me to follow, and I nodded imperceptively back at her. We said our good byes to Martin, and started walking toward the cafeteria; my stomach was positively growling.

"First, I need food," I said to her. "Then, we need to find something silver to take this thing down. Time to turn the hunter into the hunted."

---

Patient Common Lounge
Nurses' Station

I'd taken up residence at the station, it had the best angle of the mirror, and I could see people approaching from both directions down the hallway. As I stared at the mirror, Dr Cartwright decided to join me. She sauntered up, looking all cool and sophisticated in her white lab coat, and leaned against the wall next to me.

"What's up, Doc?" I asked, chuckling inside at my joke. All I needed was a carrot.

"You tell me," she said, nodding toward the mirror I was looking at.

"Hunting," I replied without filter. "A wraith, actually. Could be anybody."

"So, I could be a monster?" She asked. I took a moment to check the mirror, her face wasn't distorted in any way.

I shook my head. "No, you're clean."

"Why you?" She asked, the question throwing me for a loop.

"Why me, what?"

"Why do you have to hunt monsters?" She clarified, catching my gaze as I looked at her. "Why not let someone else do it?"

I shrugged, smiling at her like I always smiled in the face of an uncomfortable question. "Can't find anybody else that dumb," I joked. But the question bothered me more than I let on. I mulled it over, wondering… why? The answer was the same one that Beth and I brought up on a regular basis. "It's my job. Somebody's gotta save people's asses, yours included."

"So, is there a quota?" Cartwright asked. "How many people do you have to save?"

"All of them," I replied quickly.

"All of them? You think you have to save everyone?" She asked, looking a little skeptical.

"Yep. Whole wide world of sports," I nodded. At first it had been Sammy. I mean, when he was a baby there was no one else more important to save. Then, it had been Beth as well, taking her under my wing, teaching her to hunt, keeping her as safe as I could. Now, thanks to us… we had to save the world.

"How?" Cartwright asked.

I looked at her, hesitating. To this point I'd been pretty upfront, but realistically… how long before they jabbed me with a sedative and started doing tests on my brain. I sounded downright insane! Our story was so crazy, we hadn't even had to make shit up to get in here in the first place.

"Believe me, whatever you've got, I've heard weirder," Cartwright said with a reassuring smile.

I took a deep breath, and then I let it all out. "It's the end of the world, okay? I mean, it's a damn Biblical Apocalypse, and if I don't stop it and save everyone, then no one will, and we all die." There. Out. Didn't that feel better? I waited to feel the heavy weight on my chest start to fade, because I'd told my big horrible secret to someone, and they currently weren't laughing at me, or looking like I was crazy. But it didn't go away. The same heaviness stayed. I wasn't sure if I was relieved or sad.

"That's horrible," she answered with a slight frown of concern.

"Yeah, tell me about it," I said under my breath, but loud enough for her to hear.

"I mean, apocalypse or no apocalypse...monsters or no monsters, that's a crushing weight to have on your shoulders. To feel like six billion lives depend on you...God...how do you get up in the morning?"

I stared at her for a moment, contemplating the question. I did feel heavy, I had for a long time. The only one who took that away for fleeting moments - like last night - was Beth. Yet, even there I had a responsibility, a promise to keep her safe, to love her and protect her for as long as I could. She did the same to me, I knew that, and she probably felt the same weight as I did. We both had been watching over Sammy for so long, that neither of us really knew what it meant to be free of this weight. And now the fate of the world rested squarely on our shoulders.

Cartwright was still looking at me expectantly. I realised with a start that I hadn't answered her question.

"That's a good question," I said finally. A question I had no answers for, save to say I was a stubborn son of a bitch.

Dr Fuller came around the corner and smiled kindly at me as he passed. "Hello Eddie."

"Doc," I nodded, glancing up at the mirror. When I saw his face, I saw death. Decaying skin and matted hair, all distorted and demonic. Fuller continued to wander down the hallway, saying hello to everyone he walked past. I pushed myself off the wall and watched him go. For now.

Got ya!

---

Later That Evening

Martin had joined me in the hallway, and we were doing our best to not look like we were loitering while we waited for Beth. There was a clock on the wall, ticking the seconds away into minutes. I felt on edge, jittery and excited all at once. I wanted to get on this hunt so damn badly I could almost taste it. It felt good to have some control, to be on the offensive rather than the defense, and to have a plan.

After what seemed an eternity, Beth rounded the corner and sauntered casually up to us, placing a kiss on my cheek. She slipped a silver letter opener into my hand, and simultaneously handed one to Martin.

"I had to raid three nurses stations to get there," she explained. "They're only silver plated, but they should work."

As we spoke, Wendy, the pretty blonde from yesterday walked toward us with a smile on her face.

"Oh, no, no, no. Not today, sweetheart," I protested, holding up my hand. "Come on, keep walking. I…"

I stopped short as Wendy walked straight up to Beth and took her face in her hands, kissing her the same way she just had me the day before. I watched, a little turned on if I'm being honest, and grinned at Beth when she pulled back to look in consternation at the woman.

"Now we're talking," I said with a tone of appreciation.

"I want her now," Wendy said to me. "She's prettier."

"Can't argue with that one little bit," I agreed, tossing a smile at Beth who glared at me. Wendy smiled and walked away.

"Hm," I said, shrugging at Beth. "What were you saying about…?"

"Dean!" Beth scolded. "So not the time. Fuller is on call tonight, so we'll have to hit him after lights out. All three of us."

Martin startled beside her, looking up in consternation. "What? No."

"Martin, we gotta get past security, past the orderlies, and then cut the boss-man's throat, okay? It's gonna suck start to finish, but we could use the backup," I pointed out.

"Oh," Martin said, continuing to shake his head. "I can't. I can't." He started to walked away, Beth turning to look at him.

"We know what happened in Albuquerque," she said gently. Beth and Sam, they both had that way with people. I was a little jealous if I was being completely honest. When Beth spoke, her tone of voice, the words she chose… it was like she was speaking to someone's soul.

Martin stopped at what she said, his shoulders slumping. "You don't know the half of it," he said, turning around with a sigh. He looked sad, and tired. "God, I used to be just like you two. I used to think I was invincible, and then...Well, I found out I'm not."

"Martin, you're still a hunter," I said.

"No. I'm not," Martin replied. "I'm useless. Why do you think I checked myself into the Hotel California? I'd give anything to help you kids, I would. But, I-I can't. I'm sorry. I can't." He turned and walked away, leaving us standing in the hallway, armed with nothing but silver plated letter openers and a stubborn attitude.

---

Later that night

We'd successfully slipped past the guards and rounded the hallway to Dr Fuller's office. The horizontal lines, silhouetted against the stark walls of the building from venetian blinds, were starting to get to me. I wanted to scream, they made me so uneasy.

Beth led the way into the office, stopping when she realised that Fuller wasn't there. I stepped up to his desk, noticing a set of car keys on his desk and picking them up.

"He's still in the building,' I said, glancing over my shoulder. "Car's still here. You take the west wing. I'll take the east."

Beth nodded, and without further ado exited the room going right. I did the same, taking the left hallway. I didn't like it, but it would be faster if we split up.

There was nothing much going on in the east wing. I couldn't quite understand why I still allowed to be roaming. I guess it wasn't quite lights out yet, and better still, no one had noticed me. All of a sudden, I heard footsteps racing toward me, I backed into a dark alcove and waited.

Would it be the wraith? I waited to see Fuller cross my line of sight, and had to stop myself from stabbing Martin when he appeared. He looked distressed, his face worried and freaking out at the same time.

"Martin!"

"Dean! Thank god. You need to come right away," Martin said.

"Right, did you find him?" I answered, stepping in line with him.

"No, no, but Beth did…"

"Did she get him?!"

"No! That's just it. It isn't him, Dean. It wasn't Fuller, Beth cut his arm and it didn't react to the silver!" My stomach was sinking. What the hell was he talking about?

"Martin," I said, very carefully. "Where… is my wife?"

"That's what I've been trying to tell you! They locked her in her room, she's in a lot of trouble Dean."

My blood ran cold, and I ran. I saw a couple of orderlies leaving her room as I rounded the corner, so I waited for them to get out of sight and then let myself in.

She was sitting on the bed, free to get up, but the look on her face told me she was incapable of it. Beth smiled lazily at me as I entered the room, closing the door behind me.

"You okay?" I asked, sitting next to her on the bed and reaching out a hand to touch her cheek.

If anyone had touched a hair on her head…

"No," Beth replied, shaking her head at me, her hair falling around her face. My heart stopped and a rage boiled up inside me. "No, I'm not okay…" I looked at her, anguished that I'd failed to protect her again.

"I … I am... awesome!" I looked at her, seeing the dilated pupils, the happy smile. Ah!

"They give you something?" I asked.

"Oh yeah…" Beth answered, nodding her head up and down like a bobble doll. "They gave me…. everything! It's… spectacu-lacular…" She laughed, her head dropping back against the wall as she stared at the ceiling like she was seeing a fantastic scene before her. Hell, for all I knew, she was.

I chuckled at her, feeling the panic lessen the more she spoke. "You always were a happy drunk, Tinkerbell."

She chuckled a little, her head lolling to one side and then she made eye contact with me. Her eyes grew serious and she sat forward, grabbing my arm.

"Dean… the doctor… wasn't the wraith!"

"I know,' I said.

Her eyes widened, stunned that I knew this before she'd spoken to me. I started to explain that I'd run into Martin, but then her gaze shifted again, starting to space out as she smiled and looked around the room.

"I don't understand it. I mean, I saw it in the mirror. It wasn't human," I said, thinking it over. I hadn't made a mistake, I was sure of it.

"Or you're seeing things," Beth said in a sing-song voice. "Maybe… maybe… maybe you're going crazy." Her eyes widened, looking at me in horror.

I scowled at her, wanting to roll my eyes. "I'm not crazy," I said.

"Please, Dean… come on," she scoffed, a little laugh escaping her. She grasped my shoulder and leaned forward as if she was going to tell me a secret. "I mean, you've been at least … half crazy for a while now... especially since you got back from Hell. Maybe before that even! I mean… we're in a … we're a mental hospital!" She looked around at the stark walls and shook her head. "We just had the week from Hell… and you know what you were like a few days ago."

I could feel the frown creasing my brow at what she was saying. I didn't like that she could doubt me like this. Beth laughed. "Maybe-Maybe you finally cracked! You know, maybe now you are really...for real...crazy…" The truth often came out when we were drunk, and never had I heard her worry about me being insane.

"I made a mistake," I said, feeling a little hurt. "That's all. I'll find the thing."

Beth's eyes turned all puppy dog like, what had she been taking lessons from Sam? "Of course! Yeah, yeah, yeah, babe. I know. I know. I believe in you." Somehow it didn't sound as sincere coming from a drugged up Beth. I looked at the hand on my shoulder, she squeezed it reassuringly. "Hey, hey… look at me," she slurred, and I complied, raising my eyebrow at her.

"It's okay," she said. "Because you're my husband… and my best friend… and the love of my life. I love you Dean."

I smiled at her, seeing the concern in her eyes. "I love y…"

"Boop!" She cut me off, tapping me on the end of my nose and smiling. I'd been right in the middle of the very thing I didn't say to her all that often, and she'd just booped me. I chuckled, leaning forward to kiss her forehead.

"Sleep it off, Tink," I said quietly, smiling as she giggled back at me and then flopped back on her pillow.

"Are you staying with me?" She asked, suddenly looking very vulnerable.

"With that thing on the loose out there?" I said, waving my hand at the door. "Wild horses couldn't drag me away."

She smiled, and I took a look around the room. It was impossible to see the bed from the doorway, excellent. Not that I cared either way, I'd been annoyed we hadn't been assigned a room together in the first place - Fuller as his dangerously codependent bullshit. What the hell? I just needed to know she was safe… how was that codependent?

I waited for Beth to roll over on her side, and then slipped in behind her, pulling the covers up and wrapping my arm around her. As soon as my head hit the pillow, I was out.

---

The Next Morning

Beth had woken up with a headache, and I couldn't say that I was surprised. I mean, those sedatives, or happy drugs, whatever they had given her had to have their side effects, right? I'd left her in the room, she was on lockdown, and until she managed to talk her way out of that I was on my own.

I was hungry. I walked down the hallway toward the cafeteria, my stomach growling, while keeping an eye on all the reflective surfaces around me, hoping to glimpse the real wraith.

As I rounded a corner, Cartwright was there waiting for me. Just waiting. She fell into step beside me as I continued to walk without greeting.

"You missed our session today," she started. I glanced sideways at her, feeling frustrated that she was still bothering to follow me. Couldn't she see that I was busy?!

"A little busy," I said.

"Still hunting that wraith?" She asked as we rounded another corner.

"People are dying." Couldn't she see that? Why the hell couldn't anyone else see what was going on here?

"People die all the time."

"Look, lady, why don't you just let me do my job, maybe save your life," I sneered at her.

"It's not my life that I'm worried about." She was slowing down, or I was walking faster, either way I was ahead of her, thinking it through. Was she serious? She was starting to sound like Bobby… or worse, like Beth when she was seeing something in me that I couldn't.

"Oh, my G... I am fine, okay?" I snapped, turning to face her. "I'm fine."

An orderly sorting laundry down the hall looked up at our conversation, but after a look in his direction, he went back to doing his job. I turned back to Cartwright.

"Come on, even you don't believe that. All this pressure that you're putting yourself under, all this guilt; it's killing you. You can't save everybody," she said. I scoffed, shaking my head in denial.

"You can't," she reiterated, her voice become hard and cold, matching her expression. "Hell, these days, you can't save anybody, Dean." She turned to leave. I was more annoyed by the accusation than the fact that she somehow knew my real name.

"What did you say?" I asked.

"The truth, Dean," she replied, her eyes staring me down. "You got Ellen and Jo killed. You shot Lucifer, but you couldn't gank him." I backed away a little. How did she know this stuff? "You couldn't stop Sam from killing Lilith, and-oh, yeah-you broke the first seal. All you do is fail. Did you really think that you, Dean Winchester with a GED and a give-'em-hell attitude, was gonna beat the devil?"

She smirked while I glanced around me, hoping to see an anchor, something that could pivot me back to where I'd just been, when my identity was my secret to hold, not a part of my psych profile.

"Please. The world is gonna burn, and there is nothing that you can do about it," Cartwright finished.

"Who are you?" I asked louder, trying to scare her. "How do you know that stuff?!"

The orderly looked up at me, and frowned. "Hey, settle down."

"Tell me!" I continued, ignoring the orderly and speaking to Cartwright who had infuriatingly fallen silent. I wasn't a failure, I couldn't be… too much was riding on me getting this right. On saving Sam, saving Beth….

The orderly walked around the cart he'd been working at and approached me, his hands in the air. "I said, settle down," he repeated.

I looked at him, my eyes darting between the orderly and Dr Cartwright.

"Who are you?" I said softly. She smiled. I looked at the orderly, pointing to Cartwright. "Who is she?"

"Who?" He asked, looking at me in confusion.

"What are you, blind?" I asked, pointing to the silent doctor once more. "Her!"

The orderly frowned, shaking his head at me. "Pal, there's nobody there."

I stared at him in surprise, and confusion, looking back at Cartwright who was smiling at me in a twisted amused manner, as if she was getting a kick out of confusing me.

"I'm not real, Dean. I'm in your head...because you are going crazy," she said.

No.

No, I couldn't be. Not after everything…

I backed away from her, looking around the hallway, and when I turned around Cartwright was gone, and the orderly was looking at me with concern.

I'm going crazy!

"Just leave me alone," I said to him, and stalked down the hall in the other direction.

I have to get out of here. I need to … I have to… if I talk to Beth, maybe she… no - she will just laugh, because she knows. She already knows I'm losing my mind, she said it last night! She can always see what I don't see in myself. This time it was crazy.

I have to get somewhere safe. Where? Could I just leave? Wait… I shouldn't leave. There's a reason I'm here. What was it? Oh!

I passed a mirror and saw a wraith.

The wraith. Oh! Oh no!

I backed away from it, nearly running into the happy nurse from episodes #enterthenuthouse and #sexinthemorgue. She was talking to another nurse. I looked up in the overhead mirror, and both of them looked like wraiths.

Ah!

I have to get somewhere safe. I need to find Beth. I need to… oh my freaking god they're everywhere!

I passed two patients, they both looked at me, their faces withered and freakish like a wraith's true form.

I'm losing it. I am seeing monsters everywhere. Is this whole place infested with them?! Maybe that's why no one suspects a thing. They're all in on it!

Or….

Or I'm going crazy. Maybe Fuller is right - there are no monsters. Only the monsters within, and the nightmares we allow them to create. I need to get away.

I hurried around the corner that led outside to the laundry. It was locked. I pulled on the handle, trying to get it to budge, but nothing. Backed into a corner, I did the only thing I could think of.

Make myself as small target as I can. I need to crouch here, just here, they won't find me here.

---

A short while later

They'd moved me, back to the checkers table that I liked so much. It felt good here, with the black and red checkered board in front of me. I sat with my hands in my lap, rocking softly. It felt good. The white stark wall in front of me was soothing. It helped me not feel so afraid.

I felt exposed, but no one would show me back to my room. I was lost. I'm going crazy.

Suddenly I saw Beth enter the lounge, but I didn't even say hi. She stalked toward me, her brown eyes full of concern and worry, and then she stopped short before she even reached me.

"What's wrong?" She asked nobody in particular. But when I glanced in her direction, I could see her talking to … no one.

She's going crazy too.

"What?" Beth asked, looking hurt. Then she started to spin around, her eyes flashing from one point to the other as she moved back and forth.

"No!" She called out. "You don't understand!" Then she started punching thin air. One right hook, a couple of left jabs, I watched, worried, but unable to get up. If I moved, they'd see me. They'd know I was crazy. I had to keep a low profile. It was safer.

Beth took a couple more swings at nothing before two orderlies came to try and stop her. One man grabbed her, and she reacted.

"Leave me alone!" She cried out, swinging wide and hitting him in the stomach. Both orderlies grabbed her by the arms. I clasped my hands, rocking back and forth.

I should do something. No, I should stay right here. If they see me, they'll know!

"Leave me alone!" Beth yelled. "Leave me alone! No! Stop it! Dean! Leave me alone! Leave me alone! I didn't do it! Get off of me!"

I watched them drag her away down the hall. Beth kicking and screaming the whole way.

"What's happening?" I asked myself quietly. "What's happening?"

What's going on here? She was acting crazy too. Crazier than me! What's happening. Something isn't right. It hit me at once, we were both crazy!

I had to get out of here. I had to find.. I had to find Martin! He'd know. He knew us. He's see the connection. I stood up.

Right. Now where exactly is Martin?

I wandered through the corridors, looking in windows. I couldn't recall the way to his room, everything seemed to be looping on me, every shadow a lurking place for a monster that didn't exist.

It's all in my mind.

But the more I looked at the crazy, at what I knew in my heart to be true, the more I saw what was happening.

No! There is a monster here. Crazy is the clue. Find Martin.

Martin was so little a threat they didn't even lock his door. I entered the room and saw him sleeping on the bed. I stepped forward, intending to shake him awake and he turned! Martin thrust forward a silver letter opener, and I stopped short.

"Martin!" I said. "Martin, it's me, it's Dean."

Martin lowered his blade, and I put a hand to my forehead, taking a few deep breaths.

Crazy old man just tried to kill me!

"Oh, sorry," Martin said, adding, "you… you look like Hell, boy."

"I… I feel like it, too," I nodded at him, taking another breath.

"Where's Beth?"

"Lockdown!" I said. As soon as the words tumbled out of my mouth I felt the anxiety and fear return. "She went crazy! Thank God."

"What?" Martin asked, looking at me with a confused expression.

"I'm going crazy too," I said to him, stepping closer and gripping his shoulder. "I'm seeing things. I'm hearing things. I mean, we both are. Crazy is the clue."

"What do you mean?"

I looked into the corner of the room, wondering if it could hear my thoughts. Whatever it was. Should I even be saying any of this to Martin. What was I hoping to achieve here? I was exactly where I needed to be.

"Dean!" Martin snapped his fingers in front of my face, and I jerked back, surprised by the sudden closeness. I stepped away and frowned, my earlier thoughts lost.

"Crazy is the clue," I repeated.

"You said that. What?" Martin asked again.

Oh right. He doesn't know what is going on. He's not crazy. Not really. Which is the clue.

I took a breath, and looked at him. "I mean, the things that me and Beth have done, the stuff that we've seen, we're gonna end up going guano eventually. Probably end up like a couple of drooling nut bags." I froze for a moment, realising where I was and how Martin had reacted earlier to our nutjob references. "No offense," I added quickly, seeing him shrug.

"None taken."

I continued, because there was a point to be made and crazy or not… I was gonna make it. "But me and her, freaking out on the same day? I mean, it's gotta be…"

"The monster…" Martin said.

My heart jumped. "What? Where? Where?!" I cried out, spinning around to look at the shadows, ducking down beside Martin's bed to make myself a smaller target.

"No... " Martin said. "It's not, no, there's nothing there," he said, seeing me looking into the corner of the room.

"Okay," Martin said. "What if this thing doesn't just feed on the insane? What if it makes people insane? Is it possible? Does that seem real?"

I thought about it. The last wraith we'd seen, well… the only wraith… it hadn't happened. But I remembered something Dad had said… something about …

"Well, I'm not the most reliable source on what is real, but I do remember Dad saying something about hallucinations. Me and Beth, we didn't have them…. Dad said we got lucky."

"That seems plausible," Martin nodded.

"Okay. Okay. So-so we got infected. You know, something shot us up with crazy. You know, something…" I started to think about the things that could be. Spirits. They had the ability to influence our minds, reaching out to us from beyond the grave. I'd failed big time this week, Dad would have never understood… maybe….

"Maybe...maybe it's the ghost of my dad…" I said to Martin, who frowned in reply.

"No. Focus on the wraith, Dean. Focus."

Oh right!

"Right, the wraith, the wraith," I stood up and started to pace the room. "Okay. So the wraith, the wraith, it-it poisoned us. It….Yeah. Maybe with venom, you know? By-by touch...or-or venom, or saliva…"

Oh my god!

"Wendy," I said, realising what had happened.

"Wendy?" Martin asked.

"Wendy. Wendy slobbered all over me and Beth! That's how we got infected!"

I had to go find her. I had to kill her… the monster… the wraith. I would cure us.

Ten minutes later, Martin and I were rushing down the hallway toward Wendy's room. He was still uncertain about what I was saying, but I was sure. It had to be her!

First I have to survive this… I thought to myself, taking another step to the left. Phew, that was a close one!

"Dean?" Martin asked, looking back at me with a concerned look. I glanced down at my feet, strategically placed in the middle of the linoleum tiles on the floor. I wasn't touching any lines. I was a hero at this.

"I can't step on the cracks," I said, by way of explanation for my behaviour. Martin threw me an exasperated look and then we heard a scream. The lines no longer mattered.

I followed my instincts, all the way to Wendy's room. The door was unlocked. I shouldered it open, and stumbled into the room.

On the bed was Wendy, her wrists slit. And over her…. Sitting on the bed was Little Miss Happy Nurse.

Made it to episode three did you nurse?

I looked in the mirror over the bed, and saw a withered old crone, then looked back at the Nurse.

"Is this real?" I asked Martin who had rushed in behind me.

I saw Nurse Happy withdraw her hand from beside Wendy's head. There was the skewer they used to feed, like the one I had seen so many years early when one had tried to spike my skull and take a slurp of my brains. As I watched, horrified, the Nurse licked it clean before it receded into her wrist.

"Oh, it is, Sugar. It's very real," she said with a smile.

She moved fast. Faster than I was expecting, shoving me with the palm of her hand and sending me flying into the wall. I groaned, sliding to the ground as Martin attacked with his letter opener. He too was thrown, this time through the door and out into the hall. The Wraith pinned me as I was climbing to my feet, her hand closing around my throat, the other hand punching me in the guts a few times.

I groaned with every hit, how does she know just where to hit? Damn monster! Martin attacked again, running at her with his blade, but she was on to him, putting up her hand to shield herself… dropping me and I slid to the floor again. The blade sliced through the wraith's hand and she screamed in pain, her skin instantly sizzling from the silver. She ran out of the room, slamming the door and locking it behind her. I tried to stand, the room was spinning, but I got to my feet while Martin checked on Wendy.

"She's still alive," Martin said.

I stumbled around the room. It was blurred and moving, I couldn't get my footing under me. I fell into a wall, and then I heard a voice.

"Dean? Can you hear me? Dean!"

Dad? I can't do it Dad….

It was Martin. I focused on the sound of his voice, and the technicolour dream started to swim into some semblance of order. "You've gotta get out there and kill that thing. I'll take care of her." He was standing over Wendy, a sheet pressed to her wounds.

"I can't," I said, shaking my head.

"You have to," he said to me. "You have no choice, son."

Son.

Dad.

I failed them Dad. All of them.

The world is going to burn and it's all my fault.

The door unlocked, I pressed myself up against the wall. They spotted Martin first, walking in and grabbing him. Martin started to struggle, and then called out.

"Go. Dean, run! Run! Find Beth!"

Beth!

I pushed myself off the wall and ran away from the commotion in the room straight into a big old house of mirrors. Or so it seemed. The hallway spun, up, down, fragmented… it was trippy, and scary as hell. The lights, bright… spinning. I covered my eyes, looking down at the floor.

Blood.

I followed the trail, droplets along the linoleum. Some of them landed on the lines. That can't be good. I stumbled after them.

Gotta get her.

Get who?

The wraith!

I tripped, fell to my knees, and felt blood smear across my palm as I landed in it. Martin had hurt her.

Good!

Where am I going?

Beth.

Was she going after Beth?

I needed that knife. What knife? This knife? I felt in my robe and pulled out the silver letter opener Beth had found earlier.

Beth.

Lockdown.

Where was the lockdown?

Follow the blood.

Finally I could hear voices. The hallway was still spinning. I saw a door, a white light shining out the window.

"You did this to me!"

That was Beth's voice!

I hurried to the window. Beth was cuffed by her wrists and ankles to a bed in the centre of the room, fighting against her restraints, looking like she wanted to murder the woman smiling down at her.

"Well, I helped. But that rage? No, no, no. That's all you," said the Wraith. I looked through the window, psyching myself up. "I don't make crazy. I just crank up what's already there." She sat down on the bed beside Beth.

"You build your own hell, but I give you the Legos. And when you're ripe…" She popped out the skewer from her wrist and moved it beside Beth's head. I saw the fear in Beth's eyes, and I shoved the door open.

"...I make all of your problems disappear." The wraith said.

I stumbled into the room. "You get away from her!" I yelled. I was furious.

I'd failed Jo, and Ellen, but be damned if I was going to let this go down!

It was enough to get her away from the bed. The wraith stood up carefully and turned to look me over. "Do you really think this is gonna end well for you, kiddo?"

"No," I said, shaking my head but pulling out the silver blade just the same. "But I'm crazy, so what the hell?" I finished it off with a lunatic smile.

She chuckled at me, the skewer disappearing back into her arm. I made my move, attacking and swinging the blade at her. She ducked, and once again I felt myself thrown against the wall.

Oof!

Not enough though. I'd been thrown by the devil and lived, dammit, I wasn't going to let a puny little wraith take me out. I climbed to my feet, swinging wide this time, she grabbed my arm, again I hit the wall. I dropped the blade.

"Dean!" Beth called out, I looked over and saw her watching helplessly from the bed, struggling against her restraints.

Before I knew it, the wraith had me again, picking me up like I was nothing more than a sack of potatoes, and throwing me into the wall on the opposite side of the room. I felt the wind get knocked out of me. The bitch was strong. She pinned me by the throat, raising her other hand over me and shooting out the skewer. I grabbed at her wrist… fighting… I had to get…

The skewer was moving closer and closer to my brain. I felt like I had dejavu all over again. This time the wraith was stronger, I didn't want to admit it.

As it got closer, I grunted and pushed back as hard as I could, but she had the upper hand. I moved my hand, all attention on that skewer, and I grabbed it. With a twist of my wrist, I snapped it off, hearing the sick squelch of it breaking, and blood squirting out.

The wraith let me go, screaming in pain as she stumbled backwards. I looked at the skewer in my hand, shuddering and dropping it. Gross! A howl of rage, and I saw her running toward me, her face contorted in fury. I felt around on the floor, my hand coming into contact with my blade. As she raced toward me, I brought it up and shoved it deep into her chest, hitting the heart. She gasped, choking up blood, and then fell backwards against the wall, the silver burning around the wound.

The room started to come back together. Walls stopped blurring, the lights seemed a little dimmer, and Beth.

Beth!

I shook my head, seeing her watching me.

"You still crazy?" She asked. I climbed to my feet, smiling at her and moving to release the cuffs around her wrists.

"Not any more than usual," I said. "We gotta get out of here."

"Yeah," she nodded, sitting up as I moved to undo her ankle cuffs.

As I finished, a klaxon sounded. I pulled her off the table, helping her to stand, and glanced at the dead wraith. It was definitely time to go, I had no idea how we'd explain this to the authorities.

---

Outside

We burst out the side door to our freedom. I had a moment to think about how Martin was going to handle everything, but then I realised, he could just blame it all on us - he was in the clear. I ran behind Beth as she led the way to where we'd left through the car park and into the woods, where we'd hidden the Impala out of sight on a tiny little back dirt road..

"Well, looks like Tom Cruise was right. Shrinks suck," I joked. It was a relief to be out of there. A relief to no longer have to worry about whether or not we could be locked up for the truth. To never see Beth again… because someone wanted to prove we were wrong? I shuddered to think. I rounded the car, opening the driver's door, and looked back at Beth who was hesitating at the trunk.

"What are you doing?" I asked, seeing the look of distress on her face. "Babe? You okay?"

She shook her head sharply, I turned, taking a step toward her.

"No. No I'm not okay Dean, I'm not at all. The wraith…"

If it had harmed a hair on her head … I would…. I felt the rage, and worry bubble up inside of me, making it hard to breath.

"What about her?" I asked. Now I was starting to worry.

"She was right," Beth said.

Phew. She wasn't hurt, she was just… overthinking again. "No, she wasn't," I replied. "She's dead, okay? Let's hit the road. I need a drink, or twelve." I turned back to the car.

"She was right, Dean," Beth's voice broke slightly. If she had any idea of what that did to me, she'd be devastated. I hated to see her in pain.

"Most of the time, I can hide it, but...I'm angry. I'm mad at everything." Beth continued. "I have been for a long time. I used to be mad at… you know, at Dad for keeping us apart, while he was going behind our backs sleeping with Cole."

Oh...damn. She was going way back now.

"Beth…" I took a couple of steps toward her, raising my hand in a comforting gesture.

"And that bitch Meg for … for killing the baby. Our baby, Dean. I'm mad at Dad for leaving us behind, I'm mad at Ruby for Sam and the demon blood… and Lilith for tricking him. And… and you…"

Me? I stepped closer. It is finally happening. She's breaking. Maybe … maybe this was never about me returning to the hunt, maybe it was about her. She had lost more than most of us in the last few years, lived through the hardest lessons. Am I about to lose her?

"Hey," I said, struggling for words. "Stop."

Beth's face fell, she was fidgeting, moving from one foot to the other. She took a breath and ran her fingers through her hair, turning exasperated eyes to me.

"I can't," she said. "Dean I can't. I'm so angry."

"With me?"

It was my worst nightmare. But she deserved to be. She nodded, tears spilling out of her eyes as she wrapped her arms around herself and let out an agonising groan.

"For going to Hell?" I continued. It had to be it.

"Yes. No! I don't know, Dean. I brought that one on myself, I get that. But you… you lied to me." She didn't want to say it, I could see the way she was fighting with herself, not wanting to bring it up. She chewed on her lower lip, arms still tightly wrapped around herself. I wanted nothing more than to take her in my arms and kiss away the pain. But… I was the reason for it. How could I help her now? Did she even want me to?

I opened my mouth to speak, but there simply were no words.

"Ruby," she said first. The one word froze me to the core. "You knew," she continued. "You knew who she was and you didn't tell me. She killed my family, Dean. She possessed me, and forced me to … to…"

Her arms dropped down, and the tears started to fall in earnest. I watched the too familiar act of her starting to wring her hands, the blood of her actions only visible to her. My heart skipped a beat. No. Running to her side, I caught her as her legs gave out and she sank to the ground.

I moved with her, both of us falling to our knees on the hard gravel and I pulled her into my arms, squeezing her to me. "No. No no no no Beth. Stop it. It wasn't your fault. It wasn't."

"You knew it was her and you protected her! You didn't tell me, you didn't tell Sam!" She fought against my hold, her hands moving between us and pushing against my chest. I didn't let go, I couldn't look her in the eyes.

I screwed up again.

"I'm sorry. I know. I should have," I said, squeezing my eyes shut and wishing I could just go back in time… make it right.

Beth sobbed into my shoulder, I held her, just like she had me only days earlier. After a moment when she pushed away, I let her pull back. She looked at me, her eyes rimmed with red from her crying.

"What am I supposed to do with that Dean? How … I mean.… you and Sam, you're everything to me. And you've both … hurt me so much." She looked small, and I sucked in a breath, my heart breaking at the sight of her. I'd promised to never harm her, to always protect her, yet here I had done the worst possible thing. I had been trying to keep her safe… but I'd only drive the knife into her back.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, seeing fresh tears glimmer in her eyes again.

"I know!" She sobbed. "I know Dean. Sam is too." She slid her arms around me and tucked her face in against my shoulder. She was so close I could feel the shuddering breaths wracking through her body.

"I know and I love you. I love you both, which is why I … why I forgive you. But… I'm still so angry."

I wrapped my arms around her again, holding. I never wanted to let go. How could I fix this? Could I? Did I deserve her forgiveness? I needed her so badly, I couldn't imagine her gone, broken, and me being the reason. How do I fix this?!

"I'm here," I said finally, burying my nose into her hair and kissing her head. "I know I wasn't, and you needed me to be. I failed you. I failed Sam. I failed Dad."

"Noooooooooooooo," Beth wailed, her head moving as she shook her head, her hands balling against me as she beat my back softly in protest. "I did, Beth. But I'm trying. I'm trying to be a better man. For you. For everyone. But you tell me what you wanna do, what you need me to do to make this better, and I'll do it."

She cried.

Bitter, heart wrenching sobs that left me empty.

I'd done this. Me alone. I'd hurt the one person I'd ever truly loved more than myself.

"We already killed that bitch Ruby. I know it's not enough." I pulled back, my hands coming to her shoulders as I met her eyes. "You want to fight me? Hit me? Take it out on me?"

She shook her head. "No."

"Okay," I nodded, taking a breath. "Okay, good. Because you'd probably win, you know that right?"

She forced a little smile, and I felt a touch of relief. I let all the love I felt for her show through my eyes, feeding her soul with how sorry I was that I'd done this to her, that I'd betrayed her in such a devastating way.

After a moment, she nodded at me, her breath starting to slow.

"Okay. Well then that's what we're gonna do," I said while she calmed down and watched me.

"We're gonna take all that crap and we're gonna bury it. We're gonna do exactly what Dad said … we're gonna keep moving, fighting, we're gonna forget about it, because that's how we keep going! That rage? You use it for the hunt, you don't let it consume you like a fire. That's how we don't end up like Martin! Are you with me?"

Beth looked down at her hands, silent.

"Come on, babe. I need you with me," I said softly. "I'm sorry. I am. I can only promise you to never do something like that again. Okay? I can't live without you Beth. You're everything. We're a team and I need you with me. Please."

I'd never begged for anything in my life. But I would now. The thought of losing her now, after everything we'd been through. It was a bigger failure than anything else I'd ever been through. I could live with how I'd let Dad down, how I'd failed Sam, I didn't like it but I could. I used it, just like I said, to fuel me and take me further. But to lose Beth after all these years…. That was more than I could bear.

After a moment she looked at me, and I saw a new determination. "I'm with you," she said, nodding.

I pulled her into my arms again, my heart almost beating out of my chest.

"Thank you," I whispered into her ear. "I love you so much, Beth."

She pulled back to kiss me, her hands caressing the side of my face, trembling with emotion. When we broke apart, I could see that she wasn't fixed, not even close, but she was holding together.

"Let's get out of here," she said, starting to climb to her feet. I felt a stab of hurt that she hadn't returned my declaration of love. Had I really broken her that much? Could she ever trust me again?

You hurt everyone you love Dean. You're a failure.

I followed her back to the car, silently contemplating everything I'd done as I slid into the driver seat. After a moment Beth opened the passenger door and climbed in, scooting along the bench seat until she was pressed against me. It had been a long time since we'd ridden like that.

I started up the car, looking sideways at her, and she lay her head on my shoulder, slipping her arm through mine, her hand coming to rest against my inner thigh.

"I love you too, Dean," she whispered finally. "Today, tomorrow, and forever." Those had been our vows. The relief of hearing those words washed over me like a soft, Summer rain.

I put the car into gear, easing us along the road and back to the main highway. Once we were free of Stillwater, I pointed us in the direction of Chicago, and let the car go. Beth settled in beside me, her eyes drooping from exhaustion. I didn't know what we'd find when we caught up to Sam, or where we were going next, but one thing was for damn sure - I wasn't leaving anyone behind.

"Forever," I echoed Beth's earlier words, feeling a smile tug at the corner of my mouth, beside me Beth let out a pleased little grunt, nuzzling into my arm. Little did she know how true those vows were for me.

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Author's Notes

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Song for this chapter is Pink's Beautiful Trauma.

Don't forget we have a Facebook page too. I'm always looking for people who want to contribute fanart or fanvids if you're interested in collaborating on something! The Facebook page is called Dean&Beth Supernatural, if you do a search for that we should come up.

Big thanks as always to the people who unfailingly keep me going when it comes to my writing. I can't wait to unveil the Sam sidestory that my friend Bubbles90 is currently writing, but we have a little way to go before that's released - more when it gets closer!

I'm hoping to get an update out for Where Angels Fear To Tread this month, and maybe even make a start on the Jefferson Chronicles as he's finally given me the missing puzzle pieces to his backstory :D Yay!

Welcome to all the new readers, I hope you're enjoying the story so far. Welcome to the Bean Fandom :D

Big hello and lots of love to everyone who has stuck through my unannounced hiatuses, thank you for believing in the story and sticking with me! I hope I'm doing it justice. As always your continued reviews and PMs keep me going, and I appreciate each and every one of them!

I look forward to reading your feedback on this chapter! Please leave me a review or send a PM :)