Between Heaven & Hell

by belladonna78

Sequel to "To Hell & Back", and the fifth installment of my Supernatural fanfics. Check out my stories and AN for more info on where to start. This is Season 5 -What will it take for Dean, Beth and Sam to put a stop to the Apocalypse? Will Beth lose Dean again? Dean/OC. Slightly AU but mostly follows the Supernatural show with my own spin. Rated MA for smut. Please read and review!

18. Dark Side of the Moon

CW: Death & Suicide

God, keep my head above water
Don't let me drown, it gets harder
I'll meet you there at the altar
As I fall down to my knees

Don't let me drown, drown, drown
Don't let me, don't let me, don't let me drown
Don't let me drown, drown, drown
Keep my head above water, above water

And I can't see in the stormy weather
I can't seem to keep it all together
And I, I can't swim the ocean like this forever
And I can't breathe

God, keep my head above water
I lose my breath at the bottom
Come rescue me, I'll be waiting
I'm too young to fall asleep

---

DARK SIDE OF THE MOON

---

Bar

Beth's POV

I giggled, and punched in the last of my selections on the jukebox with my free hand, balancing a tray of green beers with the other. Around me the bar buzzed with activity, it was St. Patrick's Day and the place was alive with good old Irish spirit. Spinning around, I stood on tiptoes to try and get a location on Sam and Dean, seeing the latter talking boisterously with a couple of women wearing skimpy green dresses and not much else.

Rolling my eyes, I side stepped around a raucous group of barely-21-year-olds, and chuckled at their conversation. Memories of my own 21st birthday flooded back and I smiled wistfully at simpler times as I wove through the group of people, deftly avoiding any collisions and arriving by Dean's side with all three beers still in their glasses.

"Delivery for the hottest man in the house," I said, pushing in to the little threesome and tossing Dean a grin. He beamed back at me, stopping mid-sentence to turn and take a beer off the tray.

"From the hottest woman in the house, of course," he added, reaching out to slide his hand behind my neck, leaning over to kiss me fully on the lips. I played up to the kiss, moaning softly and sliding my free hand around his hip, sliding it up under his shirt where I could caress his lower back.

"Mmmm…" Dean finished, pulling back from the kiss with stormy green eyes. One of the girls next to us cleared her throat and Dean tore his gaze from me to look back toward her.

"Oh," he said. "Sorry… this is this is… uhhhh… Kate and….Alice?" The girls smiled at the fact that he recalled their names, looking smugly at me. "This is Beth, my wife," he added, and I smiled warmly at the girls as the smiles fell from their faces.

"They're locals," Dean continued, ignoring the looks and turning back to me. "They were just offering to show me to a lookout above town, great views…"

"Oh nice!" I said, my smile widening as they looked in horror at Dean. Two could play at this game. "Sounds lovely, you know there's room for you both in our car."

Dean was taking a long drink from his beer, and almost choked when I said that, recovering well with just a small snort as the girls started to shake their heads.

"Oh, well, maybe another time… it is getting a bit late after all," Kate said.

"Yeah, and well, we barely know you…" Alice added.

"Good point," I said with a nod. "Wouldn't want to go off into the big, black night with complete strangers, after all. Never know what could happen. Stranger danger is real."

"Yeah… right," Alice nodded. "Well, have a good night!"

They both turned with barely so much as a goodbye, and pushed into the crowd. I watched them go, feeling a swell of amusement as Dean took another sip of his beer, green foam framing his top lip.

"You certainly have a way with the ladies," I commented, chuckling at the foam. I just wanted to lick it off him.

"I can't help it if I'm irresistible," he replied, smiling cockily at me.

"Mmm," I agreed, eyes tracing his lips again. "Well, I can't argue with that."

"No?"

"Nuh uh," I said with a shake of my head. I leaned in, pressing my lips to his again, licking along his upper lip before deepening the kiss a little more. Dean moaned softly, and slid his hand up into my hair, squeezing lightly, just enough to send tingles through my body and draw a shiver from me.

My arm was getting heavy from the awkward position of the tray on my hand, and more so, I wanted it free so I could run it over the man in front of me. I pulled slightly away hearing, even with the noisy crowd, Dean's breathing quicken. I glanced around at the people and raised an eyebrow.

"Where is Sam?" I asked.

"Oh God knows," he replied. "Went to the toilet same time as you went to get drinks." He stepped in closer to me, his breath ghosting my ear as someone staggered lightly into his back, pushing him even nearer.

"Huh," I said thoughtfully, enjoying the closeness and my lips grazing his jawline. "Maybe there was a line?"

"Well, he better get his act together soon… he might end up in his own room if he doesn't start drinking steadily so he passes out first." Dean grinned, his free hand sliding behind me, cupping my buttock that was hugged by tight jeans. "Have I told you how lovely you look in green?"

He was referring to the emerald green halter top I was wearing, which also left very little to the imagination. I had gone braless under it, because it was open in the back. His hand slid up my bare skin, eliciting a shudder from me, before he moved it around my ribs, his thumb brushing lightly at the side of my breast, just under the fabric.

"You… might have mentioned it earlier," I replied with a soft intake of breath.

"Uh huh," he nodded, kissing my collarbone and up to my neck.

As Dean nuzzled his way into my skin, I spotted Sam weaving his way through the narrow nooks and crannies that he could find as people danced to the music and mingled in groups. He spotted us and rolled his eyes at Dean's lasciviousness, but kept walking toward us.

Reaching our side, Sam took the tray from me, handing a beer to my now free hand, and taking his own before leaning the tray up against the wall and abandoning it.

"I leave you guys alone for a few days, and you've forgotten how to behave when I'm around?" He asked, but his eyes were sparkling with humour as he lifted the beer up to his lips and took a sip.

Dean groaned and pulled away, his eyes narrowing at Sam. "One, it was our anniversary, taking a road trip for a few days was the least you should do. Two, I'm always like this, your point is moot."

"Moot?" Sam chuckled as he cocked an eyebrow at his older brother.

"Moooooot," Dean nodded, taking a sip of beer. "Now drink up, we have a night of merriment ahead of us: to St Patrick!"

"To St. Patrick," Sam and I echoed, raising our glasses up to join Dean's, the glass chinking. Beside us someone overheard the toast and took it up, the words ringing out through the bar.

I took a long drink from my glass and shook my head. I had a feeling tomorrow morning was going to prove very painful on the head.

---

Motel Room

Dean's POV

Ughhhh.

I'd been right.

My head was pounding!

I groaned softly, my eyes closed against the light coming into the room. And then I paused, feeling Beth tap against my wrist.

S...O...S...

Morse code, she was trying to get my attention without being obvious. I was instantly alert, though my body would look as relaxed as the next person's. Years of training, to not give away my position led me now as I feigned a stretch, reaching up under the pillow to find…..nothing.

"Looking for this?" Someone asked, and as he said it, I knew the jig was up. I opened my eyes and looked over my shoulder, seeing a man wearing a balaclava pop the cartridge out of my .45 colt pistol and toss it aside.

Dammit.

Rolling on to my back, I took the room in with a glance. Beth was sitting on the bed beside me, still in her green top and black undies, one leg over the edge of the bed, her foot on the ground as if she'd started moving when she had a gun pulled on her.

Sam was on his own bed beside us, atop the covers, his hands resting on his legs. He had a gun pointed at him too, by another man in the same black balaclava as his friend.

"Mornin'" I said, frowning at Beth and she smiled ruefully at me, then sighed.

"Shut up," the man with the gun on me ordered. "Hands where I can see 'em."

I complied, lifting my hands up, and then sat up slowly on the bed. This guy was familiar, I could swear I recognised the voice… the way he carried himself… that jittery way he held a gun…

"Wait a minute... Is that you, Roy?" I asked, watching. The man froze, his eyes widening slightly as he straightened up a bit. Ah ha! "It is, isn't it?" I pushed, looking to my right and the other guy. "Which makes you Walt. Hiya Walt."

The two gunmen looked at each other, hesitating for a moment and I felt more than saw Beth shift her weight to her right leg and the foot that was on the ground. In front of us, Walt removed his mask, rolling it up on to his forehead.

"Don't matter," he said, and Roy followed suit, revealing a more dishevelled and anxious face compared to his clean shaven and stern lipped companion.

"Well, is it just me, or do you two seem a tad upset?" I asked, trying to keep it light. Beth was maneuvering to be able to attack them. I wasn't sure I liked it, but she had a better chance of getting to them before Sam or I could, given we were still sitting pretty on the beds.

"You think you can flip the switch on the Apocalypse and just walk away, Sam?" Walt asked.

Sam blinked. "Who told you that?"

"We ain't the only hunters after you," Walt said, pumping a shell into his shotgun. "See you in the next life."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute," Beth said, reaching a hand out urgently.

My heart was hammering in my chest. Beth shot me a look, and rose slightly off the bed, her weight going to the leg she had on the floor. Dammit! I furiously looked around, for a weapon, anything… but they'd moved all our bags out of the way when they'd broken into the room. And we'd missed it. Bloody St. Patrick! I pushed the thought out of my mind and rested my hands on the bed beside me, preparing to act when Beth moved.

"Hear me out," Sam said, holding his hands up - Beth paused as Walt seemed to hesitate. Sam let out a breath and locked eyes with the man, continuing, "I can explain, okay? Please."

In front of me, Roy looked sideways at Walt, questioning. You could see the hesitation there. Then, the unthinkable: Walt started to pull the trigger!

Beth launched herself in his direction. She was fast, all I saw was a mess of dark hair moving and then I was pushing off the bed myself, springing toward Roy.

BOOM!

Time seemed to stand still as Beth was jerked back through the air, landing on the bed and across Sam's legs.

"No!" Sam yelled.

NO!

Walt pumped the shotgun again and before anyone could move, he shot Sam too, my brother's bloodied body falling back on the bed.

"No!"

I came up short, my chest pressing into Roy's barrel as he held firm at me.

I can't breathe!

I'll kill you!

"Stay the hell back," Roy said, shoving the barrel into my chest. I took a step back, hands still in the air. All I could see was Sam and Beth on the bed, neither of them moving. My chest was hammering, my breathing stopped.

"Shoot 'im," Walt ordered. Roy hesitated.

"Killin' Sam was right but Dean…"

"He made us and we just snuffed his wife and brother, you idiot!" Walt said. "You want to spend the rest of your life knowing Dean Winchester's on your ass, 'cause I don't. Shoot 'im."

He's right.

I turned to Roy, my eyes dead. "Go ahead, Roy, do it," I pressed.

Kill me!

"But I'm gonna warn you, when I come back I'm going to be pissed." Did he know I was goading him? I wanted him to do it. Roy looked at me, I could see the fear eating at him.

"C'mon!" I yelled, causing him to jump. "Let's get this show on the road."

Roy was still uncertain. That hesitation will get you killed.

"Come on already," Walt said, but it was too late.

I reached out with a side step and disarmed Roy. Walt took a startled step back, pumping his gun, but I knew as well as he did - he was empty. I pumped the stock and pointed Roy's gun at him.

"Should have shot me first," I said, then I blew him away.

Roy bolted for the door. I swung the gun around, but he was already gone by the time I had the next bullet in the chamber.

I let out a startled breath, and ran to the bed with Sam and Beth.

No no nononono….

Rolling Beth over, I could see that he'd caught her in the chest, same as he had Sam.

"No, c'mon baby," I said, shaking her and then rolling her flat on her back. I reached out to Sam, felt his pulse. "Sammy?" Nothing. Neither of them were moving!

"No no no no…."

I stood up, placing my hands on Beth's chest and started to pump, up… down… up… down… if I could just get her heart to beat, we could fix everything else. We could… where the hell is Cas?

Cas? CAS!

Damn it, where was he now?

"C'mon baby, breathe for me… don't give up on me now," I leaned down to grasp her chin, pressing my lips to hers as I breathed a couple of short mouthfuls of air into her lungs the sharp metallic taste of blood meeting my lips. One. Two. Back to compressions.

"Come on, c'mon!"

She's not going to make it.

Shut up. Shut up!

I pushed harder, hearing a rib snap and cringed internally, but I kept going.

I can't lose her!

It was too late. The more I pumped, the more blood oozed out of the wounds, and more out of her mouth. I slowed, my chest thumping, heart thundering in my ears. I didn't like what my senses were telling me.

"No, no… I can't…" I lifted her into my arms, pressing her face into my chest as I rocked her and looked over at Sam.

I've failed.

My arms trembling around her still warm body. She had to wake up. She has to!

"Come on baby… don't do this to me," I murmured into her hair. "Beth?"

In the distance I could hear sirens. Someone had heard the shots and called 911.

I can't leave them. Not like this. I can't… I can't leave them.

Come on baby, open your eyes. Just… open your eyes.

Beth?

Nothing.

Blood. So much blood. We were covered, all of us.

I can't do this without you.

I kissed her hair, her eyelids, her nose, lips… laying her back on the bed and sniffling as I wiped the tears out of my eyes.

"No!" I yelled. "You sons of bitches!"

I kicked at the bed, my foot numb to the pain ricocheting up my leg. I couldn't imagine what people might think as they listened to my guttural groans, the sharp tinkling of glass shattering as the lamp from the bedside table hit the other side of the wall. I picked up a chair and smashed it through the window, the sound of breaking glass was now comforting. It was like my heart, broken.

How much more am I expected to take?

I punched the wall, breaking through the plaster. The pain shot up my arm, but it was nothing. I punched it again, my knuckles bloody and broken from the impact. I groaned. It wasn't enough.

Falling to my knees in the centre of the room, I turned my eyes upward.

"Somebody help me?"

It was a desperate plea for help.

I waited. But there was no answer.

Where are those sons of bitches when you want something?

I was alone.

Everything I'd ever loved taken from me.

I crawled over to the bed again, looking first at Sam - the little boy I'd raised, the one I'd sworn to protect. He wasn't moving, blood seeping through his shirt, and I looked for any sign of life… but there was nothing.

"Sammy?"

The sirens were getting closer. Voices were speaking animatedly outside the room.

And Beth.

"No… no no no no…" I whispered, shaking my head as I looked down at her.

"I can't…"

It's now or never, Dean.

Help was just streets away, the sirens now loud and piercing my ears.

I can't…

There was no other option.

I reached down, picking up the shotgun I'd dropped on the floor, looking first at Walt - dead on the floor, then Sam.

Whatever I was going to do, I had to do it fast. They'd be coming in here soon.

Beth.

I can't live without them. Without her. I can't do this...

I stared down at her beautiful face and sucked in a breath, pressing the barrel under my chin.

I love you.

I'm sorry.

Letting out a shaky breath, I stared at her one last time, and then squeezed the trigger.

---

Day Time

Unknown Location

Beth's POV

I sat up in bed with a gasp, looking around the room. The light was streaming in the window, beckoning me to a new morning. Sucking in a short breath, I shook my head and patted down my chest. I was wearing an oversized blue t-shirt and sleep shorts.

"Ah, wow, okay… scary dream…." I said, rubbing my face.

The door in front of me opened and Dean came waltzing through the door with a smile on his face, and a bag of donuts in his hand.

"Hey sleeping beauty, time to get up!"

I stared at him.

"What?" Dean asked, stopping short.

He looked different. Younger. Not the Dean in my dreams last night, in front of whom I'd been shot dead.

"Nothing," I said with a slight frown. "Why are you so chirpy?"

"Because…" he said with a grin. "Dad's away and we have a week to ourselves?" He tossed the bag of donuts into my lap and flopped onto the bed next to me. "Man, you woke up on the wrong side of the bed, huh?"

I looked up and around the room, it seemed familiar - not a motel room, but more like a bed and breakfast. We'd stayed here before, but a long time ago. I reached out to touch Dean's face, my eyes wandering over the youthfulness there, the lack of concern or pain.

"I remember this…" I said softly. "Lake Ann, Michigan. Dad's off on a hunt. This is 2002?"

"Bingo," Dean said, leaning in to press his lips to mine. "You, me, alone for the week…" To drive home his point he trailed a hand up under the t-shirt I was wearing, cupping a breast and kneading it firmly.

Groaning I tossed the donuts on the floor beside me and rolled into him with a smile.

"Now that is more like it," Dean grinned, kissing me again.

As he started to draw my t-shirt up, sucking lightly on my sternum and up the middle of my breasts, the room grew dark, as if there was an eclipse occuring and we froze, sitting up to look out the window.

"What is that?" I asked.

"I don't know," he said, frowning and standing up. Within moments he was leaving the room, and I was hurrying out of the bed and pulling on jeans to follow.

"Dean? Dean!" I called out, rushing out the door after slipping on my tennis shoes.

The lake by which the bed and breakfast had sat was now gone, replaced by trees, and a full night sky. Ahead of me were car lights, and I took a few steps into the darkness, looking around as the house faded behind me.

"Dean?" I called out again.

This was definitely not a dream. I bit my lip, and concentrated on the light in the distance, a sinking feeling settling into my stomach as I moved through green trees and out into a field.

Next to me I saw a familiar sight, the Impala, and Dean with an even younger Sam were standing in its headlights before a huge open field.

"Come on, let's go." Sam smiled, walking away from the car with a box of fireworks. I smiled, I remembered this too.

"Weird dream," I heard Dean mutter to himself, but he followed Sam just the same. Sam was about thirteen now, the same long messy hair that he'd had when I first met the Winchesters. He put the box on the ground and turned to beam at Dean, then over at me as I couldn't help myself and drew closer.

"Got your lighter?" Sam asked, pulling out a couple of fireworks and holding them up.

Dean patted down his pockets, and then pulled out an old lighter.

"Whoa, I haven't seen this in years," he said, looking at it in awe.

"Fire 'em up," Sam said, holding Dean his firework. I watched as Dean lit first Sam's firework, and then his own. They shot up into the sky, red sparks spreading out and lighting up the night. Dean smiled.

"I remember this! It's Fourth of July, 1996," he said. "But where's…."

Dean looked around and then spotted me standing nearby, his smile growing when he saw me. "There you are! C'mon, they won't bite," he said, waving me over with his free hand. I grinned, and skipped over to where the boys were standing, slipping my arm around Dean's waist. He wrapped an arm around me, turning to kiss my forehead.

That had not been part of that night, I thought to myself, but I didn't say anything.

The fireworks died down and Sam spun around to peer at us. He looked happy.

"Dad would never let us do anything like this. Thanks, Dean. This is great," Sam said. He raced forward and enveloped us both in a big hug. Dean tensed for a moment, but I pulled him closer, and he relaxed.

Sam finally stepped back and chuckled, taking the lighter and lighting all the fireworks in the box.

"Fire in the hole!" Sam yelled, running back to stand beside us. We all laughed as the fireworks started to shoot up into the sky, a canvas of colours as they ricocheted across the dark night backdrop. Dean's arm tightened around me as we turned our faces to the sky.

The night sky lit up with the bright streaks of fire shooting through the warm night air. Zig zagging, spiraling, showering out like glitter falling from the stars above… it was beautiful. I couldn't help but smile, my heart expanding with joy and happiness in this one little blissful moment. Just the three of us, in our little patch of the world, lighting up the night. I'd never felt more complete.

Sam looked at us both and nodded. We smiled back at him. "This was your first 4th of July with us," Dean said, leaning in to me. I turned to look up at him.

"You wanted to make it special," I replied.

"I wanted every moment to be special with you," he said, reaching a hand up to brush a lock of hair out of my face. There was a pained expression that flickered across his face, one of sadness, pain, and possibly regret?

One of the fireworks exploded loudly beside us - I blinked, feeling something hard hit my chest, I heard Sam yell "No!" - then suddenly he was gone, as were the fireworks, it was just Dean and I standing in a field.

"Sam?" Dean looked around, but we were definitely alone. "What's going on here?" Dean asked.

I was still reliving the pain of a bullet hitting me. My chest burning. I looked at Dean, swallowing hard, and sighed.

"I have a suspicion," I replied. "But you're not going to like it."

From the car we started to hear a loud, scratchy noise, and then a familiar voice.

"Dean!"

We glanced at each other and then separated, running to the car. Dean leaned in the driver's side window, focusing on the interior with a questioning look.

"Cas?"

"Yeah, it's me."

Cas's voice was coming from the car radio, like he was Kitt from Knight Rider. Dean exchanged a puzzled look with me, and got into the driver seat, waving me to the other side. I hurried around the front of the car to join him, climbing in the passenger side and shutting the door.

"You gotta stop poking around in my dreams. I need some me time," Dean said.

"Listen to me very closely. This isn't a dream," Cas's voice said from the radio. He was starting to confirm what I was already thinking.

Dean looked around at the darkness outside and then at me.

"Then what is it?"

"Deep down, you already know," Cas replied.

---

Dean's POV

"We're dead," Beth said from beside me.

Time stood still for a moment. I saw a flash of light, and then Walt with the gun, pulling the trigger and aiming at Beth… then Sam. I closed my eyes, feeling her reach out and squeeze my hand.

"Beth?" Cas asked.

"Yes?" She replied, shrugging.

"You're together?" Cas asked.

"Of course we are" Beth said, looking up at me in confusion. "This is Heaven, right?"

"Heaven? How did I get to Heaven?" I asked. I was thinking about what had come after I'd killed Walt. Looking at Beth and Sam, dead on that bed, and I couldn't take it….

"Please, listen. This spell, this connection, it's difficult to maintain," Cas said.

"Wait. If we're in Heaven, then where's Sam?" I asked. We'd had him with us a moment ago, why wasn't he here now? None of this was making any sense. Why were we the same age as when we'd died, but Sam had just appeared in front of us aged thirteen?

"What do you see?" Cas asked, his voice tinny and echoing out of the radio speakers.

"What do you mean 'what do I see'?" I questioned, looking around. There was nothing outside but darkness.

"Some people see a tunnel or a river. What do you see?" Cas asked.

Beth was peering out into the night now, her face concentrating on our surroundings.

"Nothing," I said. "My dash. We're in the car."

"We're on a road," Beth added; she nodded toward the front of the car, to a blacktop that had appeared in front of us. I smiled at her, she was always the observant one.

"Alright," Cas said. "A road. For you two it's a road. Follow it. You'll find Sam." His voice started to fade as the radio began breaking up. "Follow the road." The radio died and I turned to look at Beth, reaching out a hand to touch her face.

"I saw you die," I said quietly, and the pain that stabbed through me was almost unbearable. "I couldn't save you."

"Oh Dean," she whispered, reaching up to press her palm against my hand as it cradled her cheek. I could hardly bear it, I had to feel her against me again. I slipped my hand around her neck and pulled her gently across the bench seat. She moved with practiced ease until she was next to me, twisting slightly so that she could wrap her arms around me and pull us close together.

"It's okay," she said. "I'm here."

I buried my face into her neck and sucked in a deep breath through my nose, smelled her hair - vanilla - and then kissed the skin under her ear.

"I thought I'd lost you," I said.

"Never," she replied with a shake of her head.

"I shouldn't be here…" I added, thinking about how I'd died. It's a sin.

"What do you mean?" Beth asked, pulling away slightly so she could look at me.

"The way I…" I stopped myself, feeling shame wash over me. How could I tell her this? How could I reveal how weak I really was?

"What?" She pressed.

"Nothing, I just ah… well I don't know how any of this really works, clearly, but you're here with me, that's all that matters." It was the truth, I really didn't know how death and Heaven worked, and if I was with Beth, then nothing else mattered, other than finding Sam.

She looked at me, her eyes full of sadness but also relief. I smiled, and then started the Impala as she settled in beside me, turning to look at the road.

"Let's go find Sam," she said, dropping her head down to my shoulder.

"Follow the yellow brick road," I muttered in agreement.

---

Beth's POV

Heaven

As we travelled, the night around us didn't abate. I'd seen parts of Heaven shrouded in darkness before, but nothing like this. The sky swirled like a Van Gogh painting, with stars spiraling through a distant nebula of purple and pink hues. It was awe inspiring and I couldn't stop staring out the windshield, leaning forward to get a better look at the rising moon that was starting to crest the horizon, it's silvery orb triple the usual size as it climbed higher.

"It's beautiful…" I said, not for the first time, and beside me Dean chuckled.

"Trust you," he commented. "We're dead, and you're stargazing."

I grinned at him, pulling back to sit closer. "Well, I might as well enjoy the view until we figure out what is going on."

Dean was silent beside me, and I leaned my head on to his shoulder, listening to his slightly quicker breathing. He was anxious about what was going on. He'd mentioned that he shouldn't be here… I wondered for a moment if he truly believed he belonged in Hell, even after all we'd done to save the world.

"You said you shouldn't be here, before, what did you mean by that?" I asked softly.

His body stiffened almost imperceptibly, but it was enough for me to know it was a sore spot.

"I…"

He stopped short, swallowing hard. I moved my head so I could look at him, seeing his jaw clench.

"Dean? What's wrong?"

"I just don't think…." he stopped again, this time his eyes falling to something ahead of us, and he nodded. "Look."

I didn't know how long we'd been driving. The moon had risen fully to its zenith, and stretching out before us was a forest of dark trees that silhouetted a sky full of green and blue northern lights.

"Wow…" I said, smiling. "They're beautiful."

Surprisingly Dean hit the brakes, and I felt inertia take hold of my body, slamming it forward where it came to halt, braced by Dean's protective arm.

"Sorry," he uttered, before opening the car door and getting out.

I followed quickly, seeing a group of people standing in a large clearing. Their faces were all turned to the sky, and some were pointing and making awestruck sounds.

"What is this?" Dean asked, turning to a couple nearby.

"The Aurora Borealis," the man replied. "Haven't seen it this far south in years."

"Isn't it wonderful?" His wife added with a bright smile.

My eyes were elsewhere. I remembered this. I scanned the area, seeking out anyone familiar, seeing a bunch of children run in my direction, their happy squeals filling the silence.

"Ella!" A woman's voice called out and I froze. The children circled in and around Dean and I as they played tag, but I stepped away from it, staring.

"Come on sweet girl," my Dad's voice said. "Come sit with us."

"Is that your Dad?" Dean asked, and I nodded.

"Yeah."

"Wait, where are we?"

"I don't know. But I…" I looked at him, tears in my eyes. "I remember this… I was really young. The lights they'd never been this close. My parents wanted me to see."

I bit my lip, turning back and then I hurried over to them, feeling their arms come around me in a group hug. They were warm and alive, their touch both distant yet familiar. It felt as if I'd been waiting a million years for this embrace.

"What do you think?" Mom asked, smiling and then pointing up at the shimmering auroras above our heads. "Here, lie back on the blanket, you'll get a better view."

I did as she asked, Dean moving to sit nearby, watchful, but also giving us space. I smiled, giggling at something my Dad whispered in my ear, and then holding my mom's hand as she pointed out some of the visible constellations.

It was short lived, and suddenly with a flash of lightning and crack of thunder, we were alone again in the field, Dean moving to help me to my feet.

"Are you okay?" He asked, I nodded.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just… what now?"

He glanced back at the car, then looked around, pointing to another road, this one a dirt track that swerved down the side of a hill, into the trees that surrounded us, and I realised we were on the top of a large cliff face, a space that must have been some kind of look out, the perfect place to view the auroras.

"Ready?" Dean asked.

I took a deep breath, looking out over the valley below, none of it familiar, and then up at the sky…. No more northern lights, just darkness with the ever present and watchful eyes of the stars peering down at us.

"Yeah, let's go."

---

Dean's POV

Beth had been mostly silent since we'd left her family. She didn't seem upset or distressed, just lost in thought. I pondered the way we'd come into this place, and why we were together yet not

with Sam. But then, I didn't know how Heaven worked. If he was here, it made sense we'd run into him eventually. If we were reliving memories, then he was probably off enjoying himself in a library somewhere, talking calculus with a nerdy girl.

It wasn't long before we were back on a main road, pushing through the night. Beth dozed sleepily against my shoulder when we came upon a wellkept Victorian house with yellow weatherboards and white trim. I didn't recognise it, but since it was the only thing we'd seen for miles, I stopped, rousing Beth.

"Do you recognise this?"

She shook her head, yawning. "No. Do you?"

"No," I said. "What do you think is there?"

"A guess?" Beth answered. "Sam."

"Okay, well then let's go."

Within moments we were inside, stepping into a foyer. A lively conversation was occurring from the dining room. Beth and I paused, listening, and heard a man's voice.

"So, Sam. I hear you're new to McKinley," he said.

"Um, yes sir. Two weeks," we heard a much younger Sam say. Beth looked questioningly at me and I shrugged to let her know that I still didn't know what this was about. .

"Stephanie over here just can't seem to stop talking about you," the man said.

"Dad, shut up," a girl's voice giggled.

I shrugged again at Beth and looked around the arched opening into the dining room seeing a family of five - dad, mom, two girls and a grandfather - all seated around a large table with a feast in front of them.

Sam was sitting next to a brunette with wavy hair and braces. She smiled at Sam, and I stifled a chuckle to watch a fully grown Sam smiling back nervously at her. Yep, we were definitely in Sam's memory now, this was exactly the kind of nerdy chick he would have gone for.

"Wow," I said finally, grinning as he turned and spotted Beth and I standing in the arch. "Just wow."

"Hi Sammy," Beth said, waving her fingers at him a little sheepishly.

"Dean? Beth?" Sam asked, frowning at us. "What are you doing in my dream?"

I tilted my head at him, indicating that he needed to exit Pleasantville and come play in the real world. With a questioning look, he stood up and walked away from the table.

As if watching Sam in his weird Brady Bunch style Thanksgiving dinner wasn't weird enough, it only got stranger when Papa Smurf continued to have a full blown conversation with the empty chair vacated by Sam.

"So, what does your father do for a living?" He asked, pausing for a moment, as if listening to someone reply, before continuing thoughtfully, "Hmmm. You don't say."

"What's going on?" Sam asked.

"We're not in your dream, Sam," Beth started. "We're in Heaven."

"Heaven?"

"Yup," I nodded.

He sucked in a deep breath, letting it out slowly as he processed this new information. Sam always was smarter than me, and if he'd been getting half the flashbacks of our deaths that I'd been getting then he had to be feeling it already.

"Okay," Sam acknowledged after a moment. "How are we in Heaven?"

I shrugged. That was bothering me too. "All that clean living, I guess," I joked.

Sam shook his head.

"No, no. Okay. Beth….yes, even you… I get, sure. But me? Maybe you haven't noticed, but I've done a few things?" The anguish and guilt was clear in his voice, and it hurt me to think about how much he was suffering over some stupid ass decisions where that bitch Ruby had tricked him.

"You thought you were doing the right thing," Beth said softly, placing her hand on his arm. Sam threw her a pained look.

"Last I checked, it wasn't the road to Heaven that was paved with good intentions."

"Yeah, well, if this is the Skymall it sucks. I mean, where's the triplets and the latex, you know?" I said in a joking tone, glancing sideways at Beth, hoping she wasn't upset with that comment.

"Oh, absolutely," Beth nodded, raising an eyebrow and crossing her arms. "I'm still waiting on Ewan McGregor to show up…. c'mon, a girl has needs."

"Ewan McGregor?" I asked skeptically. "Really?"

"Yeah really," Beth said with a serious face. "He won't even need to use his Jedi mind tricks on me."

"That right?" I asked.

"I happen to like nice men," Beth smiled.

"I'm a nice man," I replied, grinning. Beth rolled her eyes at the comeback and I felt a little chuffed at myself.

"You know ...you in a Princess Leia slave outfit…" I looked her up and down, "that's my idea of Heaven."

Beth smirked at me then shook her head. "Nerf herder," she said softly.

"Guys," Sam interrupted. "Can we focus here?"

I sighed and looked back toward him. He was right, we needed to get to the bottom of this - whatever this really was.

Sam was looking back at the family at the table, still eating their dinner and acting as if someone was sitting in his chair, talking to them and enjoying himself.

"You know, when you bite the dust they say your life flashes before your eyes," Sam said after a few heartbeats.

"Your point?" I asked.

"This house, it's one of my memories," he pointed out.

I nodded, glancing at Beth. "When I woke up, I woke up in one of my memories. The Fourth of July we burned down that field? The three of us?"

Beth nodded. "I woke up in that little Bed and Breakfast in St Ann," she said. I looked at her, recalling early on in our relationship when Dad had taken off on a hunt, leaving us to ourselves. I smiled, leaning over to kiss behind her ear.

"Now that is a good memory," I whispered, receiving a smile in return.

"Maybe that's what Heaven is: a place where you relive your greatest hits," Sam proposed.

"Wait, so… playing footsie with brace-face in there? Then that's a trophy moment for you?" I asked.

"Dean, I was eleven years old. This was my first real Thanksgiving," Sam replied.

"What are you talking about? We had Thanksgiving every year."

"We had a bucket of extra-crispy and Dad passed out on the couch," he countered. "At least, that's how it was until Beth came along."

I stopped, thinking about it. A lot of things had changed with Beth joining us. After that, we'd done Thanksgiving at Bobby's, or Pastor Jim's, heck - we even went out to a restaurant a few times and ate like a normal family. Dad had really made an effort for her…

My thoughts were interrupted by a rumbling noise outside.

"I don't remember this," Sam said. The lights suddenly went out, and the house started to shake as lights came through the window.

"Get down," Beth said, pulling on my arm.

Sam and I moved with her back into the living room, as the lights flashed through the windows further.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"Shhhh," she said, looking around, her eyes wide as she ducked down behind a couch.

Sam pressed himself up against the wall by the window, and I knelt down beside Beth. Behind us on the mantle, a picture shattered and fell down. In the dining room, the family continued eating, oblivious to the searchlight and the darkened room. The house continued to shake for a moment, and I held my breath, reaching out to squeeze Beth's hand.

It seemed like forever, but the rumbling finally disappeared and then the lights came back on. I let out my breath with a sigh and my body relaxed. That was when I saw the radio.

"Okay, what the Hell was that?" Sam asked as I got up and walked around the couch.

"I've seen that before," Beth said, standing up. She frowned, rubbing the temples of her head. "It's vague, like a… like a memory. Like I've had that searchlight looking for me before."

"You have?" I asked.

"Yeah," she nodded. "When … well, with Ezekiel, I think. Or in my dreams. I was in Heaven too - but… not this level."

"There is more than one level to Heaven?" I asked.

"Yeah, a lot more," she said. "I've never… I don't think I've been to this one before."

"Okay, that's… a lot. But, who is manning the searchlights?" Sam asked.

Beth shrugged. "Angels?"

"Why?" Sam asked.

"I don't know, but we are taking the escalator back downstairs," I said, hitting the radio. This had to work, just like in the car. "Cas!"

"What are you doing?" Sam asked.

"What's it look like?" I replied.

"Like you've lost your mind."

"Cas talked to me before using this phone-home radio thing, so I— Cas!" I yelled at the radio again, hoping he'd hear something. Then, it occurred to me…

"You know, screw the radio," I said, standing up and looking at Beth. "You are a damn angel radio, aren't you? Can't you like…. Call him?"

Beth shook her head. "I've been trying. But it's like that part of me is turned off here, I can't hear anything… or anyone."

"Great," I sighed. Behind us a TV started to flicker, first static, and then a voice.

"I can hear you," Cas' voice said from the speaker.

We moved to the TV, the picture rolled a few times before starting to focus on Cas' face, briefly, before being overcome by static.

"Hey!" I said. "So we, uh, we found Sam but, but something just happened. There was this weird beam of light."

"Don't go into the light," Cas said urgently.

"Okay. Thanks, Carol Ann. So, Beth thinks it was angels... was it?"

"Zachariah. He's searching for you."

"And if he finds us?" Sam asked.

"You can't say yes to Michael and Lucifer if you're dead, so Zachariah needs to return you to your bodies," Cas said from the TV screen.

"Great!" Sam said. "Problem solved."

"Well maybe for me and you, what about Beth?" I asked, looking at her. "He doesn't need her."

But I do. I thought to myself, feeling that pang of distress that I'd felt when she died in my arms.

As if sensing something from me, Beth moving to place a hand against my back, subtle, but the gentle reminder we'd been doing for each other for a decade to remind each other we were there for each other, when we couldn't say the words. I relished her touch as we locked eyes and I silently fed her my feelings.

"No. You don't understand. You, hm. You're behind the Wall. This is a rare opportunity," Cas said.

"To do what?" Beth asked, not breaking eye contact with me.

"You need to find an angel. His name is Joshua."

I sighed, and looked down at the screen. "Hey, man, no offense but we are kind of ass full of angels, okay. You find him."

"I can't. I can't return to Heaven."

"So what's so important about Joshua?" Sam asked as the screen continued to roll, Cas's face getting distorted and his voice changing in pitch and tone from time to time.

"The rumour is, he talks to God," Cas replied.

"And, so?" I asked.

"You think maybe—just maybe—we should find out what the hell God has been saying?" He snapped.

"Jeez. Touchy." I snarked, frowning at the tone in his voice.

"Please. I just need you to follow the road," Cas said.

"What road?" Sam asked.

"It's called the Axis Mundi. It's a path that runs through that level of Heaven. Different people see it as different things. For you, it's two-lane asphalt. The road will lead you to the Garden. You'll find Joshua there. And Joshua… can take us to God."

On the TV the picture started to break up as if the reception was getting weak. "The Garden." Cas said. "Quick. Hurry."

The TV died and Sam took a deep breath, turning to look at us.

"So... What do you think?" He asked.

"I've been to a Garden before," Beth replied. "In Heaven. With Ezekiel. It's like a … zen place. Healing place for angels. Maybe it's the same place. It was big, peaceful. Makes sense for someone who talks to God to hang out there. We travelled by using this kind of … energy flow."

"Like a river?" Sam asked.

"Yeah. But not water."

"You know, the Chinese in Feng Shui consider roads to be like rivers, the energy flow is the same," Sam replied.

"Foong shway?" I mimicked him.

"Yeah, Dean. It's old," Sam snarked.

"But it makes sense," Beth said, stepping in. "What do you think?"

I thought I'd heard enough. I was way ahead of us and on to the next thing. We needed to get to the car, find the next destination.

"I think we hit the yellow bricks, find this Joshua cat," I said.

"Really?" Sam asked, the surprised evident on his face.

"What? You don't?"

"No, uh. I'm just surprised you do. Last time I checked you wanted to break God's nose, now you think he can help?"

"He's the only one who can," I replied. "I mean, come on, Sam. We are royally boned. So prayer? The last hope of a desperate man."

---

Beth's POV

My mind was unusually silent as we walked out into the night. Gone was the white noise buzz ever present in the back of my mind, thousands of voices of angels as they spoke through their own channels to each other. As a vessel for the Castiel line, I could tune into each one if I really wanted to. But there were only two angels I knew so intimately that I felt able to do that. One, Ezekiel was not always with me, and I rarely sought him out. But Cas, I spoke to him often, and this disconnect was more than disconcerting.

As Dean and Sam joined me on the front porch, we looked out into the evening and saw nothing but trees. Not even the Impala was where we'd parked it.

"Wasn't there a street out here?" Sam asked.

"There was," Dean replied with a scowl, turning on his heel and walking back into the house. Once inside, he started looking around, opening the door to the kitchen, and then doubling back into the hall and grabbing the handle to the closet under the stairs.

"Dean. What are you doing?" Sam asked.

"Looking for a road," he replied, opening the closet.

"You think the road is in a closet?"

Dean turned on the light and looked around before sighing at Sam. "We're in Heaven, Sam, okay? I mean, our memories are coming true. Cas is on TV. Finding a road in a closet would be pretty much the most normal thing to happen to us today."

I understood what he was saying. I nodded, and walked down the hall toward another door. "He's right," I said. "It could be anywhere."

I opened the door and flipped the light switch, stepping into the room. It was a spare bedroom, and over the bed was a picture of a pick-up truck, old and rusted, just like…

"Hey guys…?"

I turned back to Dean and Sam, and then the lights flickered before plunging into darkness.

"Dean?"

I heard something move in the room and turned back around to see a double bed, and Dean clicking on his watch to look at the time.

"Hey, are you okay?" He asked.

"Yeah…" I said, my feet rooted to the floor.

"Okay, because that was weird," he said, sitting up and spinning so his legs were hanging off the bed.

"What?" I asked, confused, this wasn't how that night went….

"Seriously? I was in the Brady Bunch's hallway a second ago, you walked into a room, and now I'm in bed?" Dean said. "And you… you're a lot less dressed right now."

I looked down at myself, wearing one of Dean's t-shirts and nothing else. He was himself wearing nothing other than a pair of boxers, a far cry from his usual clothing earlier. I frowned at him, crossing my arms.

"Where are we?" He asked, looking around and getting his bearings via the moonlight flooding the dark room.

"Bobby's."

He paused, glanced sideways toward the single bed tucked in the corner of the room where Sam was soundly sleeping, and then his eyes widened at what I was wearing, the realisation hitting him.

"Oh," he said softly.

"Yeah."

"Hey guys?" Sam's voice sounded on the other side of the door, and I did a double take, looking at the sleeping man, and then seeing an older version stick his head through the slight opening. "What's going on?"

"This is one of your memories?" Dean asked, looking up at me.

"When?" Sam cut in, looking around. "Is that… is that me?"

"Yeah," I nodded.

"It's the night you finally let me in," Dean said, standing up and crossing to take my face in his hands. I fought the tears in my eyes, blinking a few times to stop them from falling as emotion overtook my heart, filled with such love for the man in front of me.

"Yeah."

He smiled, leaning his forehead against mine. "One of mine too," he whispered. I leaned into him, kissing him softly. It seemed so … silly… and so long ago. But it was also a night etched in my mind forever.

"Wait, you guys, this was?" Sam stumbled to get his words out.

"The night before my 21st birthday," I replied to the unspoken question.

"Oh man, really? You were getting it on with me in the room?"

"Oh shut up," Dean sighed. "Nothing happened."

Sam snorted, "yeah, right."

I smiled. "Well, a lot happened, just not like what you're thinking."

"Well, much as I'd love to just pull you into bed and relive this night, we better keep moving. What triggered this memory?" Dean asked, looking around the room, back on the hunt.

"Uh, a picture, of the same truck Bobby drives, over the bed in their spare room," I replied.

"Well, it's sort of a road," he shrugged, looking around. "But, how is it that I'm not looking at a double of me?" He questioned, looking at the bed, "Like… there's two of Sam."

"I don't know," I shrugged, "I think it's weird too."

"Maybe because it's a memory you both share?" Sam asked, "one that's important to you both?"

"Maybe…" I breathed, "there wasn't a double of me at the fourth of July memory either."

"That's true," Dean agreed with a nod. "But, what about St Ann? I didn't land in that memory."

"I don't know," I said, thinking it over. "But maybe… maybe because I died first?"

Dean's facial expression changed instantly, a wash of anguish and anger, overshadowed by something else, despair, as he looked into my eyes.

"I wasn't in Heaven yet?"

"She could be right," Sam agreed.

"Then why are we in the same memories, but not you?" Dean asked.

"I don't know," Sam shrugged. "But, I don't really share these exact memories like you guys."

"Let's keep looking," I suggested, confused by the thoughts as much as either of them. None of this really made any sense. "We can asked Joshua if we find him."

Dean nodded and let go of my face, I instantly felt the loss as he turned on the light and then pulled open the closet door.

"Huh," he said, and I turned around. In the middle of the closet where we'd usually stashed extra clothing and weapons, was a small Hot Wheels set. Dean froze for a second, barely imperceptible except that I knew him so well, and then he knelt down.

"What?" Sam asked as Dean picked up a blue car from beside the track.

"I used to have one of these…" he said thoughtfully, "...when I was a kid."

He put the car down on the track and picked up the controls, setting it into motion.

---

Dean's POV

As the car zoomed around on it's little black race track, I crouched, waiting for something - anything, to happen. I stood when the cars stopped, and realised I was no longer in boxer shorts, but pants again. And the room had definitely transformed, even without us moving. Beth too was back in her jeans and leather jacket.

"That was the road?" Sam asked.

"I guess," I replied, looking around. The room was familiar to me. Light blue walls with white trim. A single bed with Indian blanket on it. Toys and teddies littered the floor and shelves, and bright sunshine flooded through the two windows.

"Kind of trippy right?" I asked.

"Yeah," Sam said, looking down at my shirt. "More trippy. Um. Apparently, you 'wuv hugs'."

I followed his gaze. I was wearing a light blue t-shirt with a brown bear on it what said "I wuv hugs" on it's tummy.

Sam laughed.

"Shut up!" I snapped and self-consciously pulled on the flannel shirt I wore to cover the bear.

Beside us, Beth chuckled then stepped up beside me to in to wrap her arm through mine, she hugged it it to her and slipped her hand into mine. I laced my fingers through hers and took a moment to relish the look of contentment on her face.

I tossed her a smile then looked around the room again, the location dawned on me.

"Wait a minute. I know where we are."

"Where?" Beth asked.

"We're home," I replied.

"Dean…." a voice called out from the hallway, and then Mom… just like I remembered her… stuck her head around the door and leaned against the frame. "Hey, Dean. You hungry?" She asked with a smile.

I froze.

Beside me, Sam and Beth froze too. But she didn't even seem to notice them.

And she wouldn't either. Before long, we found ourselves in the kitchen, and I was sitting at the table as mom poured me a glass of milk. In front of me was a sandwich she'd made. I couldn't take my eyes of her, she was radiant in a white dress, her blonde hair hung down over her shoulders. I smiled as she put the glass in front of me and she looked at me with big, loving eyes.

"You want the crust cut off?" She asked, gesturing to the sandwich.

"Yeah. I'd love that," I replied without taking my eyes off her.

"Mom?" Sam asked, standing a few steps away with Beth. Mom didn't even bat an eyelid, just picked up a knife and started to remove the crusts from my sandwich. I felt a pang of guilt when I looked at Sam and saw the anguish in his eyes.

"I guess this is not your memory, Sam. Sorry."

Sam swallowed and nodded as Mom kept slicing the crusts as if I hadn't said a thing.

"Dean, uh. We should… go. Keep looking for the road," Sam said, turning slightly toward the living room.

I wasn't ready.

"Just… just give me a minute, okay?" I asked, looking up at mom as she finished with the crusts and put the sandwich in front of me.

"Dean…"

"Sam," Beth said softly, placing her hand on his arm. "Just give him a minute."

I smiled at the softness in her voice. Of course she got it. Sam nodded slowly, biting down on his lip as Beth slipped her arm through his gently patting his forearm. Mom ruffled my hair, just like she had when I was little, and moved away from the table.

As she reached the kitchen behind me, the phone rang. I knew instantly who it was, and turned to watch.

"Hello?" Her smile fell as the voice on the other end came through.

Dad.

"… No, John. … We're not having this conversation again. … Think about what? … You've two boys at home. …"

"I remember this," I said, still watching the call. "Mom and Dad were fighting and then he moved out for a couple days."

"Dad always said they had the perfect marriage," Sam said.

"It wasn't perfect until after she died," I said softly, glancing back at Sam and Beth.

"Fine. Then don't. … There's nothing more to talk about," Mom said, hanging up the phone. She turned away from the table, her back to me, as she sniffed back the tears she was fighting.

"What happens next?" Sam asked.

I felt myself tense, and then I got up and walked over to Mom, taking her into my arms in a big hug. She wrapped her arms around me and I murmured the words that I'd said so very long ago.

"It's okay, Mom. Dad still loves you. I love you, too. I'll never leave you."

I squeezed her tight, and then she pulled away, cupping my cheeks in her hands.

"You are my little angel," she said, smiling. "How 'bout some pie? Okay."

She didn't wait for my reply, moving quickly to the kitchen counter where a freshly cooked pie was sitting. I pushed myself to leave the kitchen, almost stumbling toward Sam and Beth. Sam was looking at me with a sad look, and it irritated me.

"What?"

"I just never realized how long you've been cleaning up Dad's messes," he said softly.

I frowned, not liking what he'd said, yet knowing it was true. "Whatever," I said dismissively, pushing the thought out of my mind. I can't deal with that right now. "Let's keep moving."

We started looking through the house. I was in the kitchen, Sam and Beth in the living room. Sam was rattling around in the bar, opening drawers, and then he pulled out a postcard that said 'Route 66' on it.

"I've seen this somewhere before," Sam said.

"Where?" I asked.

---

Beth's POV

One second we'd been standing in the Winchester house, and the next we were in a dingy little shack staring at a wall covered in postcards from different parts of the country, all along Route 66. One was identical to the card Sam had just pulled out of the drawer.

We'd stayed in some unique places during the years we'd spent on the road, even hunted up and down Route 66 a few times, but looking around, I failed to recognise the place we were in.

"Where are we?" I asked.

"No way," Sam exclaimed, a smile coming to his face. A golden retriever entered the room and Sam bent down to pat it, his face beaming with excitement.

"Bones!" He said. "Hey, c'mere! C'mere!" The dog leaned into Sam with affection, licking his face. "Hey, hey, hey, hey," Sam said, patting along its back.

"Bones?" Dean asked.

"Yeah. Bones was my dog," Sam said, looking up at us, his face filled with joy. He thumped the dog affectionately on its back before standing up and walking over to a cheap coffee table sitting by a threadbare couch. Reaching down, Sam opened up a pizza box, taking a seat on the couch.

"Your… your dog?" Dean asked.

"Yeah," Sam smiled, pulling pizza out of the box. Bones was right beside him, tail wagging.

Dean didn't look so happy, looking around around the cabin again. I didn't recognise any of this, not the place, nor the memory.

"Is this Flagstaff?" Dean asked after a second, his voice catching.

"Yeah," Sam grinned, petting Bones. "Hey, boy."

Dean's face fell, setting me into alarm almost instantly. "This is a good memory for you?"

Sam laughed. "Yeah. I mean, I was on my own for two weeks. I lived on Funyuns and Mr. Pibb," he fed Bones some of his pizza.

"Wow," Dean said, unimpressed. I bit my lip, feeling for Sam who was completely oblivious to the discomfort Dean was clearly feeling right now.

"What?" Sam asked as I moved to put my hand at Dean's lower back, letting him know I was there, hoping to calm him.

"Wow, you don't remember, do you?"

Sam shrugged in reply.

Dean took a deep breath. "You ran away on my watch. I looked everywhere for you. I thought you were dead. And when Dad came home…"

Dean almost flinched, pulling away from my hand to look in the other direction, shaking his head. Sam looked up at us guiltily.

"Dean, look, I'm sorry. I never thought about it like that."

"When was this?" I asked, looking from Sam to Dean.

"Not that long before you…" Dean replied, turning to look at me. "He ran away, and well… let's just say Dad didn't take kindly to me losing him."

I sucked in a breath.

"I didn't know about that," I breathed.

"It's nothing, forget it," Dean snapped, turning to leave the room. "Let's roll."

As he walked out the door, I looked at Sam, who was staring sadly at Dean.

"What happened?" I asked. "What…?"

"You don't want to know, Beth," he said with a frown. "Things … well let's just say things got better when you came along."

"Better?"

"Yeah," Sam said. "Like Dad softened … he was always really hard on Dean, making his perfect soldier, y'know?"

"Jesus Sam," I whispered.

"Come on," Sam said, nodding toward the door and taking my arm in his hand. "Things changed, they got better, and you… well… you saved Dean, you saved us all."

I'd never thought of it like that. It had always been them saving me. From the demon. From the consequences of what happened to my father. From a life in a juvenile home, or worse. I'd never stopped to think long enough that life might have improved for the boys once I came along.

Sam bent down to give the dog one last pet, then looked around the room. "Stay," he said to Bones. "Bones-y, stay."

With that he walked out the door, and I followed, still reeling from what I'd learned.

---

Dean's POV

As soon as I'd stepped outside, the scenery had changed. I didn't know what caused it, or whose memory we were in, but we weren't in Flagstaff anymore. It was late afternoon, and as we turned around, we saw Bobby on the steps to his house, shotgun in hand.

Then, like looking at a doppelganger, myself next to the Impala as Sam and Dad faced off, Beth in the middle of them. Only Beth was standing next to me too. This wasn't our memory, it was Sam's.

"Dad, don't do this," the other Beth was saying, beseeching him to see reason.

"Oh god…" Beth whispered under her breath beside me.

"Make up your mind Sam," Dad said in his angry voice.

"I'm going," Sam said, and he turned to walk up the porch steps.

"This is crap!" I said, breaking from character. I stormed toward Sam, who was now half way up the steps. Behind me, the scene played out as if we weren't even there, with Dad ordering me to get Beth in the car, and Beth protesting. I was begging her, forcing her to go, because if we didn't it was going to be so, so much worse.

"This is the day you ditched us for Stanford? This is your idea of Heaven?!" I snapped at Sam.

"Dean… don't," Beth was hurrying after me, her eyes wide - almost as wide and panicked as they'd been on that day.

"Wow," I laughed, feeling the pain of this realisation wash through me. "This was one of the worst days of my... " I looked back at Beth who had stopped a few feet away, "... of our lives."

"I can't control this stuff," Sam said, his eyes sad.

"Seriously?" I asked. "I mean, this is a happy memory for you?"

The day had almost destroyed me. I'd lost Sam, and I almost lost Beth too when she got into an argument with Dad and he'd given her the same ultimatum.

"I don't know. I mean, I was on my own. I finally got away from Dad," Sam said.

"Yeah, he wasn't the only one you got away from," I muttered, turning away.

"Dean, I'm sorry, I just, uh…" Sam had walked down the stairs of the old house at Bobby's, approaching us as behind Beth and I the scene played itself out to the end with me finally getting Beth in the car and driving down the driveway, dust kicking up from the speed.

"I know. You didn't, you didn't think of it like that," I said.

"Dean!" Sam said.

"C'mon! Your Heaven is somebody else's Thanksgiving. Okay? It's bailing on your family. What do you want me to say?" I asked.

"Dean, please, don't…" Beth said softly, her hand squeezing my arm.

Sam was throwing me his pitiful looks. "Man, I never got the crusts cut off my PB & J. I just don't look at family the way you do."

"Yeah, but I'm your family," I said. "Beth and I, we're you're family."

"I know…"

"I mean, we're supposed to be a team. It's supposed to be the three of us against the world, right?" I asked.

"Dean, it is!" Sam insisted.

I paused, feeling Beth's hand squeezing tightly on my arm. I couldn't think straight.

"Is it?" I asked finally. Sam's face fell and he looked devastated, but I wasn't even sure I believed that.

"Dean, c'mon," Beth said. "Let's just…."

She didn't get to finish. We were suddenly blinded by the searchlight hitting us while the area around us fell into darkness. Shit! I looked up, but I couldn't see anything. I didn't need to, to know we were in trouble.

Grabbing Beth's hand, I pulled her toward the car yard. "Go! Go!"

We ran, dodging the light as we moved expertly through the yard and down the embankment. We were running as quickly as we could, and then the scene changed from familiar ground to unfamiliar forest. Beth jumped over a log ahead of me, and I followed suit, Sam right behind us.

We paused, waiting to hear if there was any pursuit, breathing hard I tried not to make a sound as my spidey-senses started going off.

We were not alone.

"Wow," a familiar voice said. "Running from angels. On foot. In Heaven. With out-of-the-box thinking like that I'm surprised you boys haven't stopped the Apocalypse already."

"Zachariah," Beth whispered and I nodded. There was a click of someone's fingers, his I presumed, and night turned back to day.

"Guys. What's the problem? I just want to send you back to Earth, that's all," he called out.

We turned to peek over the log, with the new daylight, we could see the angel in his black suit, bald head, standing a few yards again with his back to us.

"I mean, that is, after I tear you a cosmos of new ones. You're on my turf now, boys. And by the time I through with you, you're going to be begging to say 'yes'."

I looked at Beth. She wasn't part of this deal, that much was obvious. I wasn't about to go down without a fight, and I sure as hell wasn't going to agree to being Michael's meatsuit without her. We had to run.

Without waiting, I leapt to my feet, grabbing Beth's hand and pulling her with me, Sam following. We ran as fast as we could, through trees, over fallen logs and around bushes until bam!

Zachariah.

Standing straight in front of us.

"Guys, c'mon. You can run but you can't run," he smirked.

I pushed Beth behind me, back the way we'd come, Sam was already running and we were quickly behind him. We rounded a copse of trees, losing sight of the angel, and skidded to a halt. Before us was the bizarre figure of a slim man in a colourful gold, red and blue wrestling costume mask and a gold cape. He lifted one finger to his mouth to indicate we should be silent.

"Shhh," he said, waving us forward. "Hurry! This way."

Exchanging a confused look with Beth, we followed quickly to a small wooden shack in a clearing. The masked figure took out a piece of chalk and scribbled some symbols on the rusted door, opening it, and running inside.

I barely hesitated. My gut told me this was a good hunch and we had to follow. It was either that or wait around for Zachariah to shove a hand up my butt and turn me into angel skin.

Wherever we were headed, it had to be better than that.

---

Beth's POV

Dean didn't question the masked man in front of us, he paused only long enough to let me go ahead of him - as if he didn't want to risk getting separated. I stumbled through the door into the ramshackle hut and then pulled up short.

The room was much bigger than it should be, it went on for a good twenty feet. Behind me, Sam and Dean pushed into the room, and the mystery man skipped down a couple of steps to a room dimly lit by sunlight streaming through dirty windows on the other side of it. Tables and chairs stood randomly throughout, and I sucked in a sharp breath of recognition.

"Wait," Sam said, "who are you?"

He was talking to our rescuer, who in response leaned down and pulled the mask from his face, flipping his head back to reveal a blonde mullet and cheeky grin.

"Buenos dias, bitches," he replied.

Suddenly it all made sense.

"Ash?" Dean asked in disbelief.

The man clapped his hands twice and the lights came on in the room. He spread out his arms as if to draw our attention to the whole of our surroundings.

"Welcome, to my Blue Heaven," he said.

I smiled, looking around at the room - one I thought I'd never get to see ever again. We were at the Roadhouse, and it was just as I remembered it - sans the people. Even without the crowd, it gave me a familiar feeling of being at home.

Within moments Ash had the jukebox cranked, and then he moved behind the bar as Dean, Sam and I made our way to the stools.

"Good God, the Roadhouse. It even smells the same," Dean said.

"Bud, blood and beer nuts. It's the best smell in the world," Ash said, snapping his fingers. "How 'bout a cold one? Up here? No hangover."

We sat down on the bar stools, firm, just like I remembered. I twisted around, looking back at the rest of the bar. I couldn't believe the attention to detail - it was perfect. At the back of the bar were other doors that led to a few rooms where people could stay the night. Dean and I had done that many a time, I recalled a particular new years eve, when I'd been pregnant, spent back there making plans that we'd never get to implement.

"So...no offense…" Sam started speaking, drawing me out of my thoughts.

"How did a dirt bag like me end up in a place like this?" Ash cut in, flipping his long hair over his shoulder and posing. Sam nodded.

"I've been saved, man. I was my congregation's number one snake handler."

Sam smiled. "And you said this was your Heaven?"

"Yup!" Ash said with a nod. "My own… personal…" Ash punched a hole in the bottom of his can of beer and shotgunned it in a series of large gulps, only stopping when it was completely drained, and topping it off with a large, disgusting belch.

Sam continued, "and when the angels jumped us? We were…"

"In your Heaven." Ash said, circling his finger around his ear.

"So there are two Heavens?" Sam asked, tossing us a confused look.

"No. More like a hundred billion. So, no worries, it'll take those angels boys a minute to catch up."

My mind was racing.

"What?" Dean asked.

"See, you gotta stop thinking of Heaven as one place. It's more like a butt-load of places all crammed together. Like Disneyland except without all the anti-Semitism," Ash said.

I was starting to get what he was saying. This had to be a level of Heaven, one where the souls were sent after death, and everyone got their own version of perfection.

"Disneyland?" Sam asked.

"Mm-hmm. Yeah. See you got Winchesterland," Ash said, holding his hands up to indicate the bar. "Ashland" Then he pointed all around outside of the bar. "A whole mess of everybody-else-lands. Put them all together: Heaven. Right? At the center of it all? Is the Magic Kingdom. The Garden."

"So everybody gets a little slice of paradise," Dean commented.

"Pretty much. A few people share—special cases. What not," Ash replied.

"What do you mean 'special'?" Dean asked.

I nodded, wondering if he was thinking what I was. We'd been in the same memories, was that like a joined Heaven?

"Aw, you know. Like, uh, soul-mates," he said, looking at us. I glanced sideways at Dean, the word stirring emotions inside of me from long buried conversations held when he was in Hell and I kept seeing him in my dreams. The psychic Missouri had said we were soulmates. Could that explain the reason we'd woken up, more or less, in the same memories?

"We ah, there were some memories where Dean and I were in the same one - not just spectators to one or the other's memory," I said. "And, I didn't need to take a road to get to him, not like we did with Sam."

Ash nodded sagely at this, processing the information.

"Like I said… special cases," he said finally.

Dean's face twisted and he got up from the bar, taking a few steps away.

"Dean, you okay?" Sam asked, watching him go. I jumped off my stool, waving for Ash and Sam to stay before I followed Dean. He knew I was right behind him, and he pushed on through the empty chairs and tables until we came to the room we'd stayed in that night, so many years ago.

"What's going on in that head of yours?" I asked, closing the door behind us. Dean let out a breath, running his hand through his hair, and turned conflicted green eyes to me.

"I shouldn't even be here, Beth," he whispered fiercely.

"What do you mean? Why not? Of course you should be here."

I crossed the room to him, placing my hand on his arm and looking up into his face.

"No," he shook his head. "After what I've done, what I did, to get here?"

"Dean, we were shot, you didn't do anything," I said, squeezing on his arm.

His head dropped and he stared down at his feet, shaking his head.

"No."

"No?"

"No, I wasn't shot, Beth," he said after a moment, lifting his head to look at me. "I… Sam was, you were. But, I managed to get the gun off Roy, and I shot Walt dead."

"Okay, and then Roy, he…"

"Ran away," Dean finished. My mind was reeling.

"Well then how did you?" I stopped, hesitating, seeing the pain and conflict in his eyes, the realisation of the only other answer hitting me like a punch to the stomach. "Oh, Dean…"

He sniffed back a tear, and scrubbed a hand over his face, shaking his head again.

"It's okay," I said, reaching up to cup his cheek.

"Is it?" He asked. "Beth, when you… I couldn't even move. The thought of going on without you, I couldn't…"

"I know," I said, nodding, pulling him toward me and wrapping my arms around his neck. He was stiff at first and then he relented, his body softening and melting into mine as his arms circled my back, holding me right.

"I know, Dean," I whispered into his neck.

And I did. When he'd gone to Hell, it was all I could do to not follow him. I'd even toyed with the idea of suicide myself, the theology of it being a mortal sin and you would get a one-way ticket to Hell if you did. But I hadn't been sure, it might not have worked, and that would have left me even further from getting to Dean and freeing him. I was now glad I hadn't gone down that route since Dean was here, and clearly that one was a man-made rule rather than God given.

Dean sighed heavily, burying his face into my shoulder as his body betrayed the trauma he'd just been through.

"It's going to be okay," I reassured him.

"I really don't see how," he replied, his voice muffled by my clothes. "This is pretty far gone, even for us."

"I know," I whispered. How the Hell were we going to get back into our bodies? Could we even be resurrected? Cas was cut off from Heaven, Ezekiel likely the same, the only reason Zachariah was after us was because he needed Sam and Dean's bodies. He didn't give a damn about us otherwise.

"You know, maybe we could just….disappear." I said after a moment. "We're dead, Dean. We're together. Maybe we just… I don't know, give up the fight?"

Dean pulled back slightly, just enough to look into my eyes, but his arms still held me close, as if he was afraid to let go.

"I'm not even sure I know how," he admitted.

"Me neither," I replied. "But we have eternity to figure it out."

"With Zachariah on our asses," he countered.

"Then we find somewhere in Heaven that he can't find us, there has to be somewhere," I insisted. "Dean, I just want to be with you, happy."

"Me too," he said with a sigh. He leaned forward, pressing his lips to my forehead and squeezed me closer. "I'm so tired."

We held each other silently for a long time, so long that when I pulled away I felt the distinct lack of Dean's body pressed to mine, a chill that wasn't just physical, but mental too.

"Remember when we were last here?" He asked, looking around the room, at the bed we'd shared.

"Yeah," I breathed, feeling a stab of pain in my heart. "We were going to give up the fight then too."

Dean's face crumpled as he nodded, looking away to try and hide his emotions.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"Hey, no, you have nothing to be sorry about," I said, turning him to face me again. "We are in this together, come what may, none of this is anyone's fault."

"How do you do that?"

"Do what?" I asked.

"How are you so damn forgiving all the time?" He asked, a faint smile crossing his face.

I smiled, leaning in to kiss his cheek.

"Because I know you, and everything you do is for us, to protect Sam, to protect me. I know sometimes we disagree on the how but I would never stop you from being you."

"Yeah."

"So, let's go talk to Ash, and see if he has any thoughts on how we can disappear from an army of angels in Heaven?" I asked. He mulled it over for a few seconds and then sighed.

"Yeah, okay."

With a nod, Dean took a few steps to the door and opened it, holding it for me to enter into the bar ahead of him.

As we approached them, Sam and Ash were deep in conversation.

"But you aren't most people," Sam pointed out to whatever Ash had been saying.

"Nope. They ain't got my skills. Hell, I've been all over. Johnny Cash. André the Giant. Einstein. Sam, that man can mix a White Russian," he stopped to reflect and Sam chuckled, tossing us a smile as we reached the bar.

"Hell," Ash continued, "the other day? I found Mallanāga Vātsyāyana."

"Who?" Sam asked.

"He wrote the Kama Sutra," Ash replied. "Huh, that boy's Heaven? It's, sweaty. Confusing."

"All this from a guy who used to sleep on a pool table," Dean commented.

Ash nodded. "Yeah. Now that I'm dead, I'm living, man, a whole lot more."

The irony in that statement wasn't lost on me. I felt like if we could get away from Zachariah and his insane quest to destroy the world, we could do that too - and we could find new and exciting things to explore in Heaven.

"So how'd you find us?" Sam asked.

"I rigged up my very own…" Ash paused to pull a laptop out from under the bar, flashing it at us. "...holy rolling police scanner."

He hit the power button and the computer started up, displaying a mess of sound graphs and there was the sounds I was familiar with, lots of garbled voices all talking at once.

Dean and Sam however looked irritated, and Sam covered his ears slightly. Ash nodded, and I realised that they weren't hearing what I was.

"That's angels. Blabbing Enochian, okay?" Ash said. "I'm fluent."

"Sounds like English to me, but all mixed together, like a thousand voices speaking at once," I said. Ash looked thoughtfully at me.

"She's a vessel," Dean said as if that was the answer to everything.

"Yeah, yeah," Ash nodded. "As a vessel you would hear things auto-translated, as they say."

I thought about this, it seemed sensible enough. Ash turned the computer off and put it back under the counter.

"I heard that you were up. Of course I had to come find you. Again."

"Again?" Dean asked, surprised.

"This ain't the first time here. I mean, you guys die more than anyone I've ever met," he commented.

"Really?" I asked.

"Ah, yeah… you don't remember. God! Angels. Must've Windexed your brain," Ash said.

That was disconcerting. Just what had we been up to that got us killed and brought back to life?

"So, uh. I mean, have you found anybody else? Ellen and Jo?" Sam asked.

Ash looked at Sam, his mouth dropping open. "Ellen and Jo are dead?"

Dean bit his lip, his head dropping down. Sam's eyes filled with tears, and I felt a pang of sadness looking at them both.

"Yeah, uh, a few months now," I said softly.

Ash fought his emotions, clearly upset by the information. He looked up at the ceiling and then took a deep breath, meeting my eyes again.

"Um, hmm. Uh, they went down fighting?"

"Yeah," Sam answered this time with a nod. "'Til the end."

"Yeah, a lot of good it did," Dean cut in bitterly. "How 'bout our folks? Beth's parents?"

"I did see Beth's parents, they're good dudes, happy."

I smiled at that, asked, "they're together?"

Ash shrugged. "Well, yes and no. They're not exactly soulmates, but certain family members… they're connected, you know? Like you guys with Sam. So if you concentrate on them enough, you can cross over into each other's Heavens from time to time."

"By following the road?" Dean asked.

"Yeah, exactly that!" Ash nodded happily. "Not as easy as my technique, but it's something."

"I've been looking all over for John Winchester, Mary too, but so far: nada. I'm sorry." Ash said. I couldn't tell how Dean felt by the look in on his face, but Heaven was big, I told myself it didn't matter that Ash hadn't found them yet.

"But hey! There is somebody that wants to jaw with you. Hold up." Ash said after a moment.

Ash left the bar, going into the back room next to the door we'd entered. For the first time I saw that there were chalk marks on that door, just like he'd used on the shack. He wasn't gone long, and when he did return, he was followed by none other than Pamela Barnes.

The woman had her eyes back, her curly brown hair hanging loose down her back, and she was wearing her usual tight jeans and a skimpy top.

"Pamela!" I called out with delight.

"Hey chick, there's my girl!" Pamela said, holding out her arms with a smile. I ran over to her and wrapped her up in a hug, laughing happily.

"Ohhhh it's so good to see you, Jefferson will be so jealous!"

Pamela laughed and squeezed me tight. "You tell that sexy man hello from me when you get back down there, okay?"

I pulled away, conflicted, but she missed the look as she moved past me toward Dean and Sam.

"Nice to see you boys again," she said with a smile.

---

Dean's POV

The last person I'd expected to come across in Heaven was Pamela, but I couldn't say I was sad about it. She was quirky and had attitude, something I could appreciate. Beth and I were sitting around a table chatting with her while Sam and Ash holed up at the bar, working on the laptop and discussing Heaven navigation techniques.

"So!" I said after a moment of silence fell over us.

"So," Pam said, reaching over and swatting me lightly upside the head. "That's for getting me killed."

I chuckled, nodding at her. "Yeah. That's… probably less than I deserve. Makes you feel any better, we got Ash killed too." Ash heard the comment and raised his hand in rock salute toward us.

"I'm cool with it," he said, snapping his fingers.

"He's cool with it," I pointed out, looking back at Pamela a little sheepishly. "So you...you good?"

"I'm good," she nodded. "Really. Remember my death scene? Gut shot. Coughing blood. You told me I was going someplace better."

I recalled the scene clearly. She'd called me a liar, and then she'd died.

"I was lying," I confessed, raising an eyebrow.

"You were right! My Heaven? It is one long show at the Meadowlands. It's amazing! You should see it," she said with a short laugh.

"Yeah," I replied, unconvinced, taking a sip of my beer. It must have showed on my face.

"You don't believe me," she said, seeing the doubt.

"No, I do, it's just, you know. Spending eternity trapped in your own little universe while the angels run the show, that's lonely. You know. That's not Nirvana. That's the Matrix," I said. I was having my doubts about this place. Why Heaven was run this way. Why was it so hard for souls to interact? Why only seeing our greatest hits? Could we actually do this? Stay here? Beth wanted to disappear, be at peace, but could we? Did I trust that we were soulmates and wouldn't get separated by some invisible force shield that I couldn't penetrate?

"I don't know. Attic's still better than the basement," Pamela pointed out.

"Yeah, but," Dean paused to hold his hand out, then continued, "you know this place feels real, but it's Memorex. Real is down there." Real is where I have Beth, and Sam, and I know the rules.

"Yeah, well, close enough. Look, Dean, I'm happy. I'm at peace."

She did look that way.

"What? Are you trying to sell me a time share?" I asked.

"Dean!" Beth said. "I'm sure Pamela's only trying to help."

"Yeah, but why? What's with the sales pitch?"

Pamela chuckled, leaning into me. "I know that Michael wants to take you out for a test drive."

"Pamela…" I interrupted.

"Absolutely not!" Beth chimed in.

"Just saying. What happens if you play ball with them? Worst case."

"A lot of people die," I pointed out to her.

"And then they come here. Is that really so bad?"

I stared at her, I had no answer. Pamela stared into my eyes and then cocked her head to the side.

"Look. Maybe… you don't have to fight it so hard. That's all I'm trying to say," she said.

Beth shook her head at me, determined. There was nothing in Hell that was going to have her agree to me being Michael's meatsuit.

"Hey!" Sam called out. "Found a shortcut to the Garden." Ash gave us the thumbs up and I breathed a sigh of relief. One awkward conversation that could be put on the backburner.

A short while later Ash was drawing a sigil on the door to the outside, this sigil was different to anything else we'd ever seen.

"All Access Pass to the Magic Kingdom," Ash announced when he finished, stepping away from the door.

"Good," I said, standing beside him.

Ash turned to look at me with a conflicted expression.

"Not good?" I questioned. I didn't like when someone came up with a plan then had a look on their face like we were all about to die.

"That Zachary fella's going to be watching every road to the Garden," he said.

"Isn't there anywhere that we can just… disappear?" Beth asked, getting a shake of the head from Ash.

"Yeah, but they'll catch up to you eventually. But from what I've heard, this Joshua guy is pretty cool, like Deep Thought computer cool. If anyone has an answer to that question, he does."

I sighed, thinking about the movie. "Let's hope he doesn't take as long to come up with the answers," I commented. Beth giggled next to me, slipping her hand in to mine, it was comforting.

Behind us, Pamela was enveloped in a hug from Sam, and then Beth stepped up to give her an equally as long and friendly hug. I felt a little awkward around the woman still, I mean, we'd gotten her killed and all.

"Watch your ass," Pamela said first to Sam, and then whispered something in Beth's ear, receiving a grin and nod, as they both looked at me.

"What?" I asked.

Pamela came in for her hug, I opened my arms and was surprised when I found her lips pressed up against mine. My first impulse was to pull away, but she had other ideas, her hands coming up to cup my cheeks. It was soft, short - and then she pulled away before coming in for a second time, her lips were more insistent, pressing to mine, and I softened into the kiss. After a few more seconds she pulled away with a satisfied grunt.

"Yup. Just how I imagined," she said, patting my cheek and then turning to chuckle at Beth. "Lucky girl."

Beth grinned at us both, rolling her eyes, and I frowned at her - realising that she'd obviously told Pamela to go all in. But I couldn't be angry, after all, how often did I get to kiss a beautiful woman with my wife's permission?

I shook my head at Beth, she returned to my side and kissed my cheek with a giggle.

"Cheeky," I said, flashing her a smile.

"Mmhmm," she replied. "I mean, how could I resist a request from Pamela?"

"You're just lucky a kiss was all she wanted," I murmured, getting a laugh from Beth.

"Oh, she's offered us a place to stay if we wind back up here…. Just the three of us and one, big, bed…"

I glanced at Pamela who winked at me, and felt a surge of excitement.

"Did she now?"

"Mhmmm" Beth replied.

"And what did you say to that?" I asked, seeing Ash stand up after he finished his formula on the door.

"I said I'd hold her to it," Beth grinned. "But hey, first things first," she nodded toward the door.

"Ah, gentlemen, lady. I don't mean to be a downer or anything but… I'm sure I'll see you again soon." Ash said, nodding in sober recognition of what was likely a truth.

I sobered at the thought, then glanced back at Pamela who winked at us. Then I turned to Ash.

"Well, keep a sixer on ice for us," I said.

"Yeah," Ash agreed, opening the door.

Sam went first, and then Beth, I brought up the rear. I wasn't letting her out of my sight.

As my eyes adjusted to the light, I saw that we were back in Lawrence and our old house. It was dark, empty, and sent the heebie jeebies running down my spine. A train whistle sounded outside in the distance, and it made it all the more eerie.

"What the… why are we back home?" I asked.

"I don't know," Sam shrugged. "So what are we going to do?"

"Keep looking for the road again, I guess," I said. Before we could even take another step, Mom appeared behind me in a long nightgown.

"Honey, why are you up?" She asked.

"Look. I'm-I'm sorry. I love you but you're not real and we don't have time…"

"Did you have another nightmare? Tell me," she urged. I couldn't do this. Now that I knew it wasn't real, it didn't feel right. Beth, she was real. Sammy was real. We had to get back to the real world where we could live out our lives outside of our greatest hits reel.

"I gotta go," I cut her short.

"Then how 'bout I tell you my nightmare, Dean? The night I burned."

I watched in horror, hearing Beth gasp as blood appeared on the nightgown above Mom's stomach.

"S...Sammy, Beth, let's get out of here."

I pushed them both behind me, stepping back and away from her. Something wasn't right.

"Don't you walk away from me," she ordered, and I faltered, stopping to look at her. "I never loved you. You were my burden. I was shackled to you. Look what it got me." She blinked, and her eyes turned yellow, I felt my stomach lurch.

"Dean," I heard Beth's voice, but I couldn't respond. "Dean, don't listen to her. It's not real," she said, turning my face to look at her. The lights to the house changed colour, turning a sickly green hue. Around us, everything shifted, and when I looked for an exit, all the doors were gone.

"The worst was the smell. The pain, well. What can you say about your skin bubbling off? But the smell was so… You know, for a second I thought I'd left a pot roast burning in the oven. But… it was my meat." Mom continued talking. But Beth was right.

I moved finally, toward the door that should have been there, I ran my hands over the wall but it was bricked over.

"And then, finally, I was dead. The one silver lining was that at least I was away from you." She smirked, looking into the distance as if thinking things over, then sighed at Dean. "

Everybody leaves you, Dean. You noticed? Mommy. Daddy. Even Sam," she said.

"Not me," Beth said, cutting in.

"You will," Mom said. "It's only a matter of time. You ever ask yourself why, Dean? Maybe it's not them. Maybe, it's you." She chuckled, and it was so out of character for her.

"Easy now, kitten."

My head shot up as Zachariah walked in behind Mom, she was smiling evilly at us. Everything felt like we were in the Twilight Zone.

"You did this!" Sam accused.

"And I'm just getting started. I mean, guys. Did you really think you could just sneak past me into Mission Control?"

"You son of a bitch," Sam cursed, and then we were grabbed from behind by some very large goons. The angel brigade. I struggled, but they were much stronger, and I couldn't fight them.

"You know, I'd say the same thing about you, Sam, but I have actually grown quite fond of your mother. Or at least the Blessed Memory of her," Zachariah said, moving mom's hair and bending down to kiss her neck. I looked away, it was disgusting. She looked like she was enjoying it!

"I think we're going to be logging a lot of quality time together. I've discovered she's quite the... MILF," Zachariah said.

"You're sick," Beth sneered.

"You can gloat all you want, you dick, you're still bald," I snapped.

That got his goat. He did not like being told he was ugly. He pulled up to his full height, puffing his chest out, and jutting his chin in the air with a sniff of disdain.

"In Heaven, I have six wings and four faces, one of whom is a lion. You see this because you're…limited." he broke off, and ran his fingers down Mom's arm. Then he snapped his fingers and Mom disappeared altogether.

"Let's brass tack this, shall we?" He asked.

"You gonna ball-gag us until we say yes? Huh, yeah, I've heard that one too," I sneered at him.

Zachariah's eyes had the look of a man who had been pushed over the edge. I knew it because I'd been there before, seen it plenty in Hell, and he rolled his shoulder before slamming his fist into my stomach. I braced, but it wasn't enough. Electric pain coursed through me and I doubled over, groaning.

"Dean!" Beth's voice sounded far away, but it was okay. I knew torture. I could handle pain.

"I'm going to do a lot more than that. I've cleared my schedule. Get him up."

Zachariah punched me again, and it was hard, but it was nothing compared to Alistair. Beside me, Sam struggled. I simply pushed myself back up again, looking Zachariah in the face with a smirk.

"Let me tell you something. I was on the fast track once. Employee of the month, every month, forever. I would walk these halls and people would AVERT THEIR EYES!" Zachariah yelled.

The house rumbled around us, shaking with the ferocity of his voice. "I HAD RESPECT'! And then they assigned me you. Now look at me…" He chuckled unhappily. "I can't close the deal on a couple of flannel-wearing maggots? Everybody's laughing at me… and they're right to do it. So! Say yes, don't say yes; I'm still going to take it out of your asses. It's personal now, boys, and the last person in the history of creation you want as your enemy is me. And I'll tell you why."

I struggled again the goons holding me, but it was no use. Beth looked at me, her eyes saucer wide with fear and fury, she was fixing to make a break for it, and I knew it wasn't going to work.

"Lucifer may be strong," Zachariah continued, "but I'm… petty. I'm going to be the angel on your shoulder for the rest of eternity."

"Excuse me. Sir?" A new voice sounded, and an older man entered the room. He had dark skin and dark eyes, but walked with the demeanour of someone very humble and gentle.

Zachariah turned to look at him and sighed. "I'm in a meeting."

"I'm sorry. I need to speak to those three," he said.

"Excuse me?!" Zachariah asked in shock.

"It's a bad time, I know, but I'm afraid I have to insist," the man said. I exchanged a look with Beth who shrugged. She clearly had no more idea on who he was than I did.

"You don't get to insist jack-squat," Zachariah said in his insane tone.

The man said nothing. He didn't back down, but he didn't push the issue either. He just stared at Zachariah for what seemed like an eternity, but was a mere twenty seconds, and whatever went unspoken between the two spoke volumes. After a while, the man smiled.

"No, you're right. But the boss does. His orders," the man said.

No way. It couldn't be.

"You're lying," Zachariah accused.

"I wouldn't lie about this," the man said, not breaking eye contact with Zachariah. "Look, fire me if you want. Sooner or later, he's going to come back home and you know how he is with that whole wrath thing."

Zachariah looked back at me, then Sam with a fury second to none. He turned back to the man in front of us, but nothing changed. It was becoming apparent that we were about to be rescued, a thought that had barely entered my mind before everyone just… disappeared.

The sound of wings flapping, and poof. Gone. Zach, his goons, everyone but Sam, Beth and our new hero.

Then the scenery changed around us, as if washing from one painting to another, and we were suddenly in a bright, green garden. Soft soothing sounds of a forest echoed around us, and we walked down a couple of stone steps to the man. Above us a glass enclosure framed the sky, and butterflies floated around the trees.

"You're Joshua?" Beth asked, looking at him. "I've seen you before."

"You have," he nodded. "With Ezekiel."

"This is Heaven's Garden?" Sam asked, looking around us.

"It's… it's nice… ish. I guess," I shrugged. For Heaven it wasn't all that impressive if I was being honest.

"You see what you want to here. For some it's God's throne room; for others it's Eden. You three, I believe it's the Cleveland Botanical Gardens. You all came here on a field trip." he said.

"That's right, we did," Beth agreed. "You remember?" She looked at me, slipping her hand into mine. I did, it had been the most boring field trip, but Beth's delight in the conservatory had been forever etched into my mind. I nodded at her, smiling softly.

Sam nodded in agreement, "that was a good day."

I shrugged, and turned back to the man… angel… in front of us. "So, you talk to God?"

"Mostly, He talks to me."

"Well, we need to speak to Him," Sam said. "It's important."

"Where is he?" I asked.

"On Earth," was the reply with a smile.

"Doing what?" I asked, flabbergasted that he actually had an answer. I mean, could we trust him?

"I don't know," Joshua replied.

"Do you know where on Earth?" Sam asked.

"No, sorry. We don't exactly speak face-to-face."

I frowned, running a hand over my face. "I… I don't get it. God's not talking to nobody so…"

"Why's he talking to me?" Joshua asked. I nodded. "I sometimes think it's because I can sympathize—gardener to gardener—and, between us, I think he gets lonely."

He had to be joking.

"Well, my heart's breaking for him," I said sarcastically.

"Well, can you at least get him a message for us?" Sam asked, cutting in.

"Actually, he has a message for you," Joshua replied. "Back off."

"What?" I snapped.

"He knows already. Everything you want to tell him," Joshua replied.

"But…"

"He knows what the angels are doing. He knows that the Apocalypse has begun. He just doesn't think it's his problem," Joshua cut me off.

Beth was stunned, stepping forward and shaking her head. "Not… not his problem?"

Joshua looked at her, his face serene and at peace. "God saved you already. He put you on that plane. He brought back Castiel. He granted you salvation in Heaven…" he turned to Sam, "...and after everything you've done too. It's more than he's intervened in a long time. He's finished. Magic amulet or not, you won't be able to find him."

I couldn't think straight.

"But he can stop it. He can stop all of it."

"I suppose he could, but he won't."

"But why not?" Beth asked. "Isn't he… doesn't he care?"

"Why does he allow evil in the first place? You could drive yourself nuts asking questions like that," Joshua replied. Beth was shaking, her hands, arms, both trembling with shock. I slipped my arm around her waist and felt her melt against me, a shudder running the length of her body.

"So he's just going to sit back and watch the world burn?" I asked for us all.

"I know how important this was to you, Dean. I'm sorry," Joshua said, and he truly did look apologetic.

I had heard enough.

"Forget it," I uttered, shaking my head and squeezing Beth tight. "Just another dead-beat dad with a bunch of excuses, right? We're used to that. We'll muddle through."

"Except… you don't know if you can, this time. You can't kill the Devil, and you're losing faith, in yourself, your brother, and now this?" Joshua said.

Beth and Sam both turned to look at me. Just like that they could see how hard it all was. How desperate I was getting.

"God was your last hope. I just… I wish I could tell you something different." Joshua said.

"How do we know you're telling the truth?" Sam asked.

"You think that I would lie?"

"It's just that… you're not exactly the first angel we've met," Sam answered, as if that said everything.

"I'm rooting for you boys! I wish I could do more to help you, I do! But... I just trim the hedges," Joshua said.

"So what now," I said, looking at Beth.

"Can we stay here? Hide from Zachariah? Just… leave the fight altogether?" Beth asked.

"No. I'm sorry Beth. You go home again," he said. "But, He is sending you all back, not just the boys. He knows how important you are Beth."

I breathed a sigh of relief at that, but my heart sank at the same time. Back home. Great.

"Also, I'm afraid this time, won't be like the last. This time, God wants you to remember."

He lifted his hand, and there was a whooshing sound and bright light, blinding us as everything around us faded.

---

Beth's POV

One minute we'd been in Heaven, the next, I felt life surge through me like I'd just been stuffed into a container too small to hold me. In a way, I suppose I had been. I sat up with a gasp, patting my hands over my chest where the bullet had hit, my shirt tattered with blood.

Beside me Sam sat up, looking around, and then Dean sat up from the floor, he was covered in blood… so was I. Then I remembered, he hadn't been shot in the body, this was my blood on him.

"You all right?" Sam asked of us.

"Define all right," Dean said, frowning and standing up. He reached down a hand to me, and I took it, letting him help me to my feet as he pulled me into his arms and held me tight.

"This sucks," he muttered, before pulling back. "Can you call Cas?"

I nodded, then I heard the sirens coming down the street, glanced at Walt's dead body on the floor. "But first, we need to move."

It was a blur of activity, grabbing our things, shoving them into our duffels, and then running to the Impala and escaping the area. Gone in sixty seconds, just like Dad had trained us.

An hour later we were in a new, clean motel room. Freshly showered and dressed, I was starting to feel the effects of the last day's events hit me.

Cas had joined us, and we'd quickly filled him in on what happened, what Joshua had told us, and now he was looking lost and without hope, leaning against the room divider by the door.

"Maybe … maybe Joshua was lying?" He suggested.

"I don't think he was, Cas. I'm sorry," I said, sitting down on the bed and cracking open a beer. He sighed, watching Dean join me.

Cas moved into the room, looking at the ceiling. I could practically feel the despair radiating off the angel.

"You son of a bitch!" I he said, not to any of us. It was clear who he was addressing. "I believed in…." he sighed, falling silent.

We'd all believed in something more than was going on here.

Cas stared at the ceiling, searching for a sign, anything. But there was nothing.

He looked back at us, meeting my eyes, then turning to Dean. He pulled the amulet he'd borrowed out from his pocket, holding it out to Dean.

"I don't need this anymore," he said, tossing it through the air. Dean deftly caught it, and looked at it, then back at Cas.

"It's worthless," Cas said, turning to walk out the door.

"Cas," Sam said. "Wait."

But he was too late, with a sound of wings, Cas was gone. I tuned in to him, only to find he had shut me out. Angel radio was silent. Sam tossed his shirt on the bed angrily, letting out a short growl of frustration.

"We'll find another way," Sam said. "We can still stop all this."

Dean looked over at him. "How?"

"I don't know, but we'll find it. The three of us, we'll find it."

Dean didn't look convinced. I smiled at Sam, wanting to believe him. Without a word, Dean stood up and grabbed his bag, walking toward the door.

"Dean?" I asked, "where are you going?"

"I don't know," he said, pausing. "But I can't stay here. Let's go. I need to be on the road."

It made sense. The Impala was the closest thing we had to a home, we all felt our safest in her, travelling the backroads, seeing life fly by as the miles climbed on the odometer.

I shrugged, looking at Sam, and stood up to grab my own bag.

Dean left the room, and as he passed the threshold, he paused and dropped his treasured amulet in the trash can near the door. I gasped, shocked. He'd been so destitute without it, but now… without another word he left, shoulders slumped and speaking volumes.

"Should we?" Sam looked at me, gesturing to the bin.

I shook my head, thinking it over. It was everything I could do not to retrieve it and take it with us. But I was feeling the same sense of loss and desperation Dean was feeling. Not enough to throw my rosary in there with it, but enough that I understood why he'd done it.

"No, leave it, it's time we look to ourselves, and not trinkets to find a way through," I said. Sam nodded, looking more resolute and stronger at that statement.

"Let's go Sammy," I said with a smile. "We're not done yet, not by a long shot."

---

AUTHOR'S NOTES

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The song for this chapter is Head Above Water by Avril Lavigne

Thank you everyone for your patience, as always, as I settle into a new home and juggle all the complexities of life. I hope you enjoy this chapter, it's been a long time coming!

Welcome to all the new Dean & Beth readers, wonderful to have you here, and to get your feedback on the series as you're moving through it.

I will reiterate that this is SPN as I think it should be written, and I hope that I can continue to do it justice as we start down the home stretch toward Swan Song.

I will hopefully have an update for Where Angels Fear To Tread soon to keep in line with this story… but they take a little longer to write as they're generally from scratch and not a pre-existing structure from the show. Likewise, I'm hoping to get stuck into Jefferson's chronicles too, but they are proving to be a bit elusive at the moment.

As always, please leave a review and let me know what you think.