Chapter 39
Give up
If you wanna survive
Get oh so alive
In your life
Everything falling out the sky on top of you
Now what you do?
-Gorillaz
I am currently listening to my latest—and late—obsession in music. Gorillaz. Usually I listen to In This Moment when typing this story, but this one song I just listened to, just sorta clicked with the asylum scenes I think up. I know it's been a while, but I'm getting a serious lack of reviews, which means a serious lack of inspiration to type—also I'm lazy—but seriously guys, if you don't review this story will die. The fate of this story lies with you! Oh yeah and there might be a few emotional triggers in this chapter. You have been warned. ONWARD TO THE BATTLE FIELD!
That night Raven tossed and turned on her concrete slab of a bed. She was having dreams, dreams that reminded her of times gone by. Dreams of what her life was before all this happened. Dreams of when she was normal, sane. Dreams of when she was with a certain witchboy.
It started out with a memory; how they met. Completely by accident. She had ditched school to go to her favorite store, when she literally bumped into him. She had growled to him about watching where he was going, though in actuality it had been her that wasn't paying attention. Which she knew, but refused to admit it. It was then that their story had unfolded, their adventures, how she found out the truth about Zatanna—who was mary at the time—and met superboy, the young justice team the justice league, joined the injustice league (though that was seriously short lived.), it was also how she met the light, more specifically, the Light's irritation toward her. They had tried to kill her, probably would have succeeded too had it not been for Klarion.
Then again if it weren't for Klarion she wouldn't have been, hunted, stalked, nearly killed on more than one occasion, nearly rapped, kidnapped several times, abused, scarred, hunted again, banished from this dimension, broken, put back together, lied to, manipulated—the list went on. Of course one could argue that the abuse from her father had been brought upon by herself, and maybe that one was right.* though it still didn't give the bastard the excuse to do it. No matter how evil someone was, they didn't deserve to be abused.
As Raven rolled over to face the wall she began to recall another thing that was Klarion's fault. His abusiveness toward her had resulted in the more recent issue of her turning to Uriah, the magic cannibal. That resulted in her being manipulated into trusting him and having the magic sucked out of her. how she got it back in the end even she didn't know. she remember feeling so much rage inside of her though, so much hurt. Being betrayed twice in one night. It hurt, worse than any blade she had ever used on herself.
speaking of blades, she could use one of them now. Anything would do really to take her mind off the horrifying memories she was currently stuck with. However, there was nothing around.
' Well there was one thing.' Raven thought, opening her eyes and staring down at her hands, more specifically her nails. Had she really become that desperate for a release from her pain? had she really become so depressed and pathetic that she would resort to that sort of thing again? Raven squeezed her eyes shut. It had been so long—or so it felt—since she had done that before. It had been a result of her father's physical abuse. If she remembered correctly she had nearly died from it. She heard a slight mewing sound, she opened her eyes again to see Cherie looking over her. she couldn't understand the magical feline—the collar saw to that—but no doubt he was mewing words of wisdom. Or at the very least telling her not to do what she was thinking about. Raven felt the sting of tears hit her as she held the white feline close to her and tried to get some sleep.
The next morning began with another therapy session. This time, one on one with Dr. Leland, for some reason Raven had peeked the doctor's interest. Raven didn't care, whatever Leland wanted to talk about she would just humor the 'good doctor,' because the sooner she let Dr. Leland think she was going to play along the sooner she could go back to her cell and go to bed. She didn't sleep well the night before, nothing but memories of Klarion and how he stole a good few years of her life.
As the two guards led Raven to the session room where she was going to have a 'breakthrough of a life time' one the guards plucked Cherie from Raven's shoulders. The feline hissed as she turned and gave the guard a glare.
"What are you doing!? Give him back! He belongs to me!" She shrieked as she lunged at the guard, she was held back by the second one, "Give him back you bastard, I'll kill you, give him back!"
"It's alright Raven." Dr. Leland's voice said behind her. Raven turned and glared.
"No, it is not alright! I need my familiar, you stupid quack!" She hissed, "You have no idea— "
"A witch-girl needs her familiar, to create certain spells. Zatanna told us everything we need to know about you." Leland interrupted, Raven glared.
"Well, wasn't that handy of her." She growled.
"And don't think we aren't prepared for if you have another outburst. So you had better behave on this session." Leland said as she turned and walked into the therapy room. Raven looked back as the guard walked away with Cherie who was at this point being stuffed into a pet carrier. She would just have to play along. Then she'd get Cherie back. Even if she couldn't speak to the feline familiar, she still found comfort in his presence. He was the only family she had left now—even if it was her own fault.—he was also the only person in the whole world she could trust anymore.
'Just play along. Play along and they'll give him back.' Raven sobbed in her head as she followed Leland. When she entered the room she lingered for a moment.
"Are you sure about this Dr. Leland?" the guard behind her asked. Raven cocked an eyebrow as Leland turned.
"I'm very sure. You can leave us now." She said, the guard nodded, then grumbled to Raven that he was just outside and to not get any ideas. Raven rolled her eyes, the guard was about as threatening to her as a mouse was to a panther.
"You can sit down now." Leland said taking a seat in one of the metal chairs.
"No guards?" Raven asked in a gravelly voice. Leland nodded.
"No guards." She confirmed, "I sure you have no interest in hurting me."
"Oh really?" Raven asked, placing her hands on her hips. What was the good doctor's game? No jacket, no guards. It was almost like she didn't take the fact she had murdered fifty men in one night seriously.
"Sit. I want to talk." Dr. Leland said motioning toward the empty seat across the room. Raven looked at it cautiously, then to Leland. After a moment she sat.
"That's all you people ever want to do. Talk." She growled. She then sat up and leaned forward, and placed her hands on the table, "But what makes you think I wouldn't rather just kill you?"
"I'm a woman. That's why." Leland said, with surprisingly strong conviction. Raven stared with a deadpan look on her face. Slowly she returned to her seat and leaned back, she pursing her lips silently. Leland continued, "When you were being hauled back to your cell you shouted something that peaked my interest."
"That so?" Raven grumbled as she narrowed her eyes at the 'good doctor.' Leland nodded.
"You said, you would just love to paint the walls with male blood." She said quoting Raven from the day before. Raven's brows rose. "I don't think you'll hurt me, because I believe you wouldn't hurt another woman on this planet. Would you Ms. Blu?"
"Well, I wouldn't say that. I'll happily hurt certain women who piss. Me. Off." she said with a laugh. Leland nodded.
"But you'd never kill a woman." Leland mused.
"What makes you say that?" Raven snorted.
"You have anger issues."
"That's for damn sure. And believe me, it's not 'daddy issues.'" Raven spat as she crossed her arms and narrowed her lapis eyes, "I may have despised the old man, but Ichabod has no idea what my problem is."
"So what is the problem then?"
"Where's my cat?"
"You'll get your pet back when we're finished here." Leland said, "I don't want any distractions while we do this. So why don't we get back on track?"
"As if I'd tell you what my problem is." Raven growled, "I don't trust you, and I don't like you. A Quack like you wouldn't even begin to understand the hell I've been through."
"A typical comment from a troubled teenager." Leland commented absentmindedly, "Why don't you try me? I don't want to fight you on this Raven. Believe me or not, I just want to help you."
"Yeah, that's what the last person said. Wanna know what happened to him?" Raven asked cryptically with a dark grin, "He used me, for some sick obsession he had with my ex boyfriend."
"So he betrayed you?"
"They all do."
"Interesting…" Leland mumbled to herself. Raven scowled, "And what makes you think that?"
"Like I'm gonna tell you that." She spat.
"Alright then. May I make a speculation?" Leland asked, setting her clip board down and interlacing her fingers together.
"Be my fuckin' guest." Raven said with a haughty laugh. Leland narrowed her eyes, not at all amused by Raven's language, but preceded anyhow.
"Alright, I'm going to guess your parents didn't accept you for the way you were. I'm going to guess you didn't have very many friends growing up and that the moment you thought you had someone who seemed to accept you for who you were you latched onto it. am I right so far?" Leland asked, Raven was silent for a while, then began to laugh. She clapped her hands and grinned at Dr. Leland.
"Oh yeah! Way to go Doc. You hit the nail on the head! Congratulations, you got to the root of ALL my problems!" She laughed sarcastically, then scowled, "Can I go now?"
"Your sarcasm speaks more than you realize Raven." Leland said, "So then, when you found out that this person didn't really care for you, you—to put simply—lost it?"
"I'm sorry where am I again?" Raven grumbled as she gestured to her surroundings. "I got angry. Not like no one else in the world gets angry, doesn't make me crazy."
"Sane people don't murder innocent people." Snapped Leland. Raven sat back in her chair and let her arm rest on the back.
"I'd hardly call a bunch of mobsters who'd shoot at a young girl, innocent." She said with a grin. Leland paused for a moment as she watched Raven's expression, "Or the bastard who tried to rape me, the man who let it happen wasn't much of a gem either. I wouldn't really call any of those 'men' innocent."
"No matter what the situation may be, no one deserves to be murdered in cold blood." She said stoically. Raven's smirk twisted into a glare, she looked as though she were ready to rip Dr. Leland's head from her shoulders, and if not for the inhibitor collar, she just might have.
"No one?!" Raven shrieked as she stood abruptly, the chair behind her crashing to the floor. She glared at Leland, the edges of her eyes turned a slight crimson color. "Have you ever had someone use you? Put all your trust into a person, love them to the point you'd turn your back on everything? Yes, I killed them, but sure as hell wasn't in cold blood, and the people who died, the world is better off without! Those soulless monsters deserved every ounce of pain I gave back to them! THEY DESERVED IT ALL!"
Dr. Leland's eyes widened at Raven's sudden outburst. Leland was used to outbursts from patients, even this one didn't take her too much by surprise. She knew Raven would eventually blow up, but so soon into their private session? Leland hat hit a nerve, and now that she knew what that nerve was then maybe she'd be able to help the young girl. However, first she had to calm her down. Leland reached into her pocket and retrieved the control remote to Raven's inhibitor collar. She didn't hesitate in hitting the button, sending a shock of electricity through Raven's body. Raven collapsed to the ground and the guards rushed in to see what had happened.
"Are you alright Dr. Leland?" one of the guards asked, his hand on his gun incase Raven got up. Leland nodded.
"Yes. We…we're done for today." She mumbled, "You may take Miss Blu back to her cell."
The guards nodded as they dragged the unconscious Raven back to her cell, and Dr. Leland gathered her bearings. Raven's outburst wasn't un common, it happened all the time at Arkham, it was part of the job. However, the intense hatred behind Raven's words, the odd coloring around her eyes. The inhibitor collar was supposed to suppress her magical abilities. So then what on earth was that? Leland wasn't sure she wanted to know.
~0~
When Raven came to, she was on the floor of her cell. Cherie curie sat in front of her licking her face. Raven groaned, Dr. Leland had to have had the remote on super charge when she shocked her. She glared.
"Stupid bitch, I'll get her back for that." She growled as she sat up.
"Oh Raven," A voice said on the other side of her cell. It was Ivy's voice, "I'm all for putting that doctor in her place, believe me, I'm no fan either."
"Ivy?" Raven mumbled.
"First word you've really spoken to me in a while." Ivy's voice said, "They put you in the cell between Harl and me."
"Hiya kiddo!" Harley's voice sounded cheerfully to Raven's left. Raven groaned, "Heard about the one on one with Dr. Leland. How'd it go?"
"I told her my life's story, the hell do you think it went?" Raven hissed.
"Well Sorry, I was just askin'." Harley pouted. Raven rolled her eyes.
"Listen kid, I understand you don't want to let some stranger to know all the details of what happened," Ivy's voice spoke again, "But it wouldn't kill you to let someone sane in."
"What you think I should just tell her everything? Are you insane?" Raven growled. There was a brief pause as she remembered where she was, "And why should I tell her anything?"
"You don't honestly think you want to stay here do you?" Ivy asked, "This isn't a place for kids, you have so much more to offer and so much time to do it."
"You and Harley seem to get along just fine being crazy." Raven grumbled. This time it was Cherie who hissed. Raven glared down at the cat, she didn't have to be connected to him to know he wasn't happy with what she had just said.
"Harl, and I have made our choices," Ivy said soothingly, "We're past the point of return. You, however, Raven, have the chance to start over."
Raven sat in the corner of her cell. Why did Ivy care so much about if she got better? It was every woman for herself, and yet, Poison Ivy, and Harley Quinn both seemed to really care about her well being.
"Don't you want to get better?" Ivy asked. Raven sat in silence for a moment. "To be a normal girl, with a normal life, and friends."
"Why should I want any of that?!" Raven shouted, "I can cut through steal with a flick of my wrist, conjure electricity with my finger tips. If it weren't for this stupid collar, I could turn this whole building into pudding."
"Mm, sounds yum to me." Harley threw in. Raven glared at her wall.
"I've never been normal to begin with anyway." She grumbled.
"You still can be." Ivy said softly, "You have the chance that Harley and I never did. You still have a choice."
"A choice," Raven grumbled bitterly as she rested her head on her knees. "Right."
Well that's the end of chapter 39. I hope you guys don't mind the late updates, my laptop and I haven't been on speaking terms lately. XP. Anyway (*) I went back and read some of the past reviews in the first story, a lot of people were on Raven's father's side about the abuse, a little odd, but uh yeah weird. It can be argued that Raven brought all that on herself, doing the things she did to her parents. However no matter what a person does, they don't deserve to be abused. Just my input on that. The next few chapters will of course be Raven reflecting on her past indiscretions while she's at Arkham.