Chapter 51
WARNING. THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER HAS A SCENE IN IT THAT SOME PEOPLE MAY FIND UNSETTLING. WHILE IT'S NOT TO GRAPHIC, I FEEL THE NEED TO WARN ANYONE WHO MAY HAVE EXPERIENCED A SIMILAR SITUATION. IF YOU DON'T WISH TO READ IT SKIP IT. I WILL PUT THE SCENE IN BOLD PRINT SO YOU KNOW WHERE IT IS AND YOU CAN SKIP IT. IT'S SHORT SO IT'S ACTUALLY VERY EASY TO SKIP WITHOUT MISSING OUT ON THE ENTIRE CHAPTER. Also, fair warning. I'm gonna be retconning a few things here and there with this story. So for any long time readers reading this, I hope you don't mind. There are certain things that, looking back, I down right can't stand to reread. I've been working on this story since, I want to say 2010? And the original story would take too long to redo and change so I'm going to change them here. Now, if I do this right, I can make it seem like a lot of the events that took place in "Klarion gets a girl" (a title I really need to rethink.) will seem like just bad nightmares Raven had. Hope everyone understands. Once again I have to reiterate that I've never been to therapy, so the sessions Raven goes through are not the same as real life. This is a work of fiction, I may base things off my own life and experiences, but the therapy is not real. Please do not look to the sessions between Leland and Raven as actual therapy sit downs. I say this because while I have gone through some of the problems Raven has faced, the therapy sessions she's going through are nothing more than my own opinions and things I've come to upon looking back or talking things out with my friends. If you're looking to this story as a way to find your own path to recovery, I urge you to seek help, be it from friends, family, or professionals. Now, ONWARD TO THE BATTLFIELD!
Raven gasped as she awoke, it was the dead of night and she'd just had a nightmare. This time she was back at Arkham. It was as if nothing the past few weeks had happened, back in that dark damp cell, cut off from Cherie, and screaming like a raving lunatic about how she'd kill anyone that came near her. Thankfully is was only a dream, and she was really at Haven. She looked across the room to Sue-sue who was sound asleep. Raven sighed, there was no point in waking her up, it was only a dream. Up until then Sue-sue was always awake when Raven was having a bad dream. She'd become a bit of a therapeutic friend, helping her deal with her nightmares and allowing Raven to have someone other than her cat to talk to. Tonight, hadn't been that bad however, she hadn't screamed, or mumbled in her sleep. If she had no doubt Sue-sue would have been there. Raven sighed as she brought her knees up to her chest and took several deep breaths. The dream hadn't been that bad.
"Just a dream." She repeated over again, "Just a bad dream."
The following morning Raven sat in Haven's kitchen, nursing a black tea that Sue-sue had made for her, before she slipped off to wherever she would go during the day, and Cherie sat on the counter beside her drinking from a bowl (also given by Sue-sue). Dr. Leland still hadn't made it back from her sabbatical, or whatever she was doing, so it left her with way too much time on her hands for someone who, for the moment, was only permitted to go from Haven to Therapy to back again. When she wasn't hanging out with Sue-sue, she was busying herself with cleaning. Raven had decided to make herself useful and work around the house. She hated it sure, but it was better than being seen as the lazy bitch of the house. Once finished she decided to tackle the mountain of dishes that had accumulated over the weekend. This didn't really surprise her, as no one really enjoyed house work—herself included—but it did sort of irk Raven to see such a mess. Especially when she saw the chore chart that seemed to glare at her from the fridge next to the sink. She sighed and swayed her head to the tune of a song by Diva Destruction.
As she worked, she thought about what she'd do if she ever got the "OK" to leave Haven. Wasn't the first time she'd thought about it, when she left Arkham it'd been on the forefront of her mind, and she'd even talked to Leland about it briefly. Now that she had something akin to a trust fund set up by her "Aunt," it made plans a little easier. At the very least she'd be able to use it until she found a job that would hire her. She wondered briefly, as she looked down at the soapy water full of dishes, if she'd be doomed to a career of it. Washing dishes that is. The thought of it made her groan inside.
"I hate doing dishes." She grumbled.
"And yet it suits someone like you so well." Brit's voice rang, in its upmost pompous tone. Raven narrowed her eyes at the dishes in front of her. She'd been so lost in thought that she hadn't heard the self-important bitch come into the kitchen. She did her best to ignore her and kept washing, she was almost finished anyway.
"Nothing to say Raven?" Brit asked as she walked towards her until they were side by side. Brit then leaned over on the counter, "Don't think I've forgotten that little chat we had."
Raven feigned interest by looking up and pretending to think, "Chat…chat….Oh right! That time you tried to be threatening. Really cute attempt by the way."
Brit smiled, "Oh I assure you, it wasn't a threat. I promise, I'm going to bury you. By the time I'm done with you, washing dishes will be the least of your worries."
"Uhuh." Raven mumbled as she held tightly to a glass in the soapy water her hands were plunged into. It was all she could do to act on the thought she had to bash the girl's face in. a thought that, honestly, terrified her. Sure, she was angry and had a temper, but such violent thoughts seemed to be super intrusive. Beside her Brit let out a chuckle.
"Watch your back Raven." She said menacingly. Cherie growled at her from the counter next to her, prompting Brit to jump and take a step back, as she hadn't realized the feline was there. She then glared at Raven, "And you should put a muzzle on that flea bitten mongrel."
Raven couldn't help but laugh at that as she looked to the fellow dark-skinned girl.
"Muzzle a cat. Oh Brit, sweetie, you're ridiculous." She said condescendingly as she lifted her hands from the water and spritzed her in the face with her fingers. She placed the glass in the drainer as she dried off her hands and turned away still giggling as she repeated. "Muzzle a cat. C'mon Cherie."
The aforementioned familiar hissed at Brit as he jumped from the counter and followed Raven as she exited the kitchen. Once she was out of the room and away from Brit Raven let out a frustrated sigh and ran her fingers through her deep blue hair as she tried to calm down. Just what the hell was that woman's problem? For that matter did Raven just have a target on her back for pseudo rich girls to hone in on?! Whatever it was, Raven was very much over it and ready for it to be done with. With that in mind Raven decided to take what Leland had strongly suggested and went up to her shared room and decided to write.
~0~
The next morning, Raven was back in her usual routine and was back in Dr. Leland's office. The break seemed to be pretty good as she had a lot more to talk about during her visit. She'd mentioned standing up for Sue-sue, and the possibility that Brit was probably planning something to get back at her. A thought that Dr. Leland pointed out, was paranoia talking.
"I dunno, she did threaten to bury me." Raven pointed out. Leland cocked an eyebrow.
"She verbally threatened you?" She asked then followed up with, "If this girl threatened you, you should talk to Miss Giselle."
"Why bother?" She asked, "She's not a problem to me. Annoying sure, and definitely one to push my buttons. A threat though? After all the shit I just got out of, some normal girl's no trouble."
"Tell me about the last time she spoke to you." Leland urged. Raven bit her lip. She didn't want to talk about it, seeing as how the last time she had to fight the urge to physically hurt the girl. "Raven?"
"She confronted me in the kitchen, and I had to fight the urge to hurt her." She said bluntly. Leland wrote that down before speaking.
"I see."
"But I didn't hurt her. That should count for something right?" Raven asked desperately. She worried that this random urge of violent thought would make some people think to send her to Belle Reve just because she 'might' hurt someone. Which to her, didn't seem fair since she was trying to get better. "I mean, these thoughts aren't normal for me, I mean yea, I have a lot of anger. I've known that since I was a kid."
"Relax Raven." Leland said sensing Raven's panic. In her lap, Cherie began to swish his tail under her chin, this prompting Raven to pet him as he tried to sooth her frantic mind. "I'm not going to let a passing thought set you back."
Raven relaxed a bit.
"You mentioned you've always had these issues? Even before Arkham?" She asked.
"I get it honestly." Raven mumbled. "My mom had it, my grandma, my grandpa, hell even my shitty dad had anger issues. I come from a very angry family."
"Your mom and dad had anger problems?" Leland asked.
"Oh yeah. They were both former military, not exactly easy living." Raven explained.
"Tell me about it."
"I was really young, so I don't remember a lot of it. Just bits and pieces and lot of arguing." She explained.
"They fought a lot?"
"Oh yeah. It never really stopped to be honest." She said, "I honestly don't know why they stayed together for so long, but hey, dad finally snapped one day, but I'm sure you know about that right?"
"I do."
"I guess that's partially my fault." Raven admitted, mostly to herself. "I dunno, dad was a shit person and used to talk shit to my mom a lot. Course she did the same to him so I guess it evened out."
"Did they ever get violent?"
"No. They were shitty to each other, but they never hit each other." Raven said, "I think I pushed my dad to become violent. I dunno. Maybe he was always on the verge of being that way. I don't know. I know I hated the guy that's for sure, so I didn't feel bad when I did what I did."
"Which was?"
"Turned him into what I always saw him as. A Rat." Raven said with a hint of anger in her voice.
"So you didn't like you father?"
"Hell no. My mom may not have liked the way I started dressing, but my dad was the absolute worst." Raven spat, "He'd always come home late, even though the place he worked closed in the evening, Constantly talk trash about everyone, and was just generally a none playable person in my life."
"None playable?"
"The man had no interest nor presence in my life." She said, "When he did decide to play parent it was usually only during county events. My mom and my dad were very into keeping up appearances, my dad being the worst offender. He used to tell people I was just depressed when we lived back in West Virginia."
"Were you?"
"No!" She spat. "I wasn't and I'm not. I just like to dress in all black. I'm a Goth, that doesn't make me depressed or angry, or whatever."
"But you are. Angry, I mean."
"An unfortunate coincidence." Raven said, "My anger comes from my parents. They were unhappy with their lives, which in turn made me unhappy with mine. Dad was an absentee parent until it suited him, and mom made it pretty clear where she stood in all of it. When she'd have her psychotic episodes, she'd slam things, throw stuff across the house. Sometimes when she got angry with me, she'd destroy my room and claim a stray cat got in and did it. I remember one time my grandfather had gotten me a music box, it was an old antique. A Victorian looking record player with whimsical little mice playing on it. When you wound it up it would play Beethoven's Ode to Joy, and the mice would spin around on the fake record. I loved that music box. One day, I think I'd nearly gotten a bad grade or something, I can't remember, but I came home to my room being trashed and that music box was destroyed. The only salvageable piece was a little mouse playing a cello."
Raven became lost in thought as she recalled that memory. She remembered being upset for nearly two months because of that and her mom and dad just didn't seem to get why. Hell, her mom had acted like nothing had happened and Raven never got an apology for it. She felt her eyes sting as she realized she'd probably never see that cello playing mouse piece again. It was in the house that she lived in when her parents were alive, a house she'd probably never be able to go back to. All because of the mistake that was her first love. Raven laughed, the things you did for love, what a load of crap.
"The feelings you felt weren't a bad thing Raven." Leland said once Raven had finished. "What you experienced feeling wise, was very normal. Klarion gave you the ability to control things that were once not within your control."
"I mean sure, I guess I know that." Raven mumbled.
"And it's completely normal to want to be with someone because they gave you the affections that your parents didn't seem to give you." Leland went on. Raven curled her lip.
"So what? I'm just a teenager who wants love?" She sneered. Leland held her pen in her hands.
"Aren't you?" She asked. Raven frowned as the good doctor elaborated, "When you met Klarion he'd accepted you when no one else had, showed you affections no one else did."
"Rick did." Raven spat. Leland's brows rose.
"Ah yes, the boy who…" She caught herself, "The college boy. I remember you talking about him in Arkham. You'd also latched onto him as well."
"I didn't latch onto him. I didn't care about him, I just dated him to piss of Nancy." Raven hissed. Though she was only telling half of the truth. She really did like the guy, he had been nice to her, and she thought he'd really cared about her too. Instead it was all an act to get her in bed and piss off Nancy for dumping him.
"If you didn't care why did you kill him?" Leland asked. Raven felt her blood boil.
"Because that sick fuck hurt me! And he let someone else hurt me too!" She shouted. In the back of her mind she heard Cherie trying to calm her down as she thought back to the memory of what happened that night; She had caught the two in the act at a party Rick had dragged her to. Angry, hurt, and shocked Raven had decided to run outside where there were less people to see her crying. That was when Creg found her. He'd apologized to Raven for his friend and tried to comfort her. However, much like Rick, it was an act as he'd spiked her drink and had raped her. She only had a vague recollection of the event, but remembered begging him to stop. She remembered her body being heavy as she tried to fight back and wishing someone would save her. It was too late by the time anyone came to her rescue. The deed had been done and she'd been left outside half conscious with her clothes ripped up. The memory of it made Raven want to vomit.
"I'm sorry Raven." Leland said, "What those boys did was incredibly cruel, and were Creg still alive, he'd have faced a lot of jail time."
"Yeah, well, he's dead now." Raven said dryly. "Him and Rick."
"Do you feel guilt about it?" Leland asked. Raven rested her chin in her hand as she looked out the window.
"Can't say I do. As far as Creg goes, I didn't do anything to him. I have no idea how he died, I just know he's dead." She said, "I know it's probably wrong to think that way, but on the other hand I probably wasn't the first girl he'd hurt. And if he hadn't have died, I probably wouldn't have been the last. I dunno, But I didn't kill him."
Raven thought for a moment before she sighed and continued, "I guess I was just looking for someone to love me. Maybe that's why it hurt so much when Rick got back with Nancy. Though I guess killing him was going too far."
"You guess?"
"Alright, I know it was going to far." Raven admitted, "I shouldn't have done it, but do I feel guilt over it? Not entirely."
"Do you feel good about it?"
"No."
"What do you feel about it?"
"Numb? I guess?" Raven offered. She hugged Cherie to her, "I know that if I was given the choice to do it again, I probably wouldn't."
"Probably wouldn't?"
"I wouldn't." Raven sighed, she suddenly felt very tired. "The guy was a jerk, but….he didn't deserve to die just because of the shit he put me through. I'd probably beat the shit out of him though."
"That's better than murder I guess." Leland said as she wrote in her notes, "Though still somewhat concerning all things considered."
"Would it be concerning if I wasn't here for criminal charges?" Raven asked. Leland looked up.
"I'm not going to answer that."
Raven shrugged, "Fair enough."
At the end of their session Leland explained how good it was that Raven had talked about her relationships with her parents. It had helped her realize why she so easily clung to people who showed affection toward her. She also congratulated Raven on finally being able to admit and talk about the event that took place during the party when she'd been attacked and expressed how talking about it may be the first step to dealing with what had happened to her. They then scheduled for Raven to come back the following day and they'd talk about getting her another notebook, as Raven had filled the other one fairly quickly during her week away from therapy. Once Raven had left, Dr. Leland went to go back to her desk only to jump when she saw the Dark Knight standing over her desk looking at her notes. She let out a breath.
"I suppose you're here to ask about my last client?" She asked. Batman looked up as Leland snapped Raven's file shut.
"How has she been doing?" He asked, getting straight to the point. Leland narrowed her eyes.
"I'd be in breach of massive HIPPA laws if I told you about anything that happens in here." She said. Batman scowled as he held up a note he'd managed to swipe from the folder before Leland had taken it away.
"I already have some idea." He said. Leland sighed as she realized it did no good to try and reason with someone who took the law into their own hands.
"She's making progress." She said. Though she knew it broke patient confidentiality, it was Batman. Despite his gruff exterior he was usually genuinely concerned for the people who left arkham "She's coming to terms with a lot of traumatic experiences that led to her mental break down."
"You think she had a mental break down?" Batman asked, skeptic.
"She's showing all the signs of one. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if she suffered from PTSD from some of the things she's been through." Leland explained as she opened Raven's file and leafed through it. "The emotional abuse from her parents, the later physical abuse from her father, and she only just recently finally started talking about the incident with the college student. It seems she's gone her whole life ready to fight off something."
"Do you think you'd be confident in letting her roam free?" He asked after a moment of silent. Leland shook her head.
"Not complete freedom any time soon." She said, "That said I do think it would do her some good to have at least a little bit of freedom. I plan to talk to those in charge and see about giving her a bit of time to leave Haven house, without having to come straight here."
"You think that's a good idea? After she was returned to Haven in the back of a squad car?" Batman asked narrowing his eyes. Leland looked up from the file.
"The girl is cooped up. I feel it would help her loosen up to not be stuck in a halfway house going through the same routine every day." She said.
"And this is your professional opinion?"
"Does the Batman not trust the opinion of a licensed psychologist?" Leland asked cocking an eyebrow.
"Harley. Quinn."
"A fair, but unnecessary reference." She said as she went to her filing cabinet and put the file away. She paused for a moment and held out her hand for the note Batman had taken, "You've trusted me to see to the girl's mental health and possible recovery. I see enough evidence to show she'd at least trying to get better. A bit of freedom may just help encourage her to keep going."
"If that's your judgement." Batman replied as he handed back the note, "But don't think I won't be watching."
"I'm under no illusions that you aren't already watching her," Leland said as she turned back to return the paper to its file. When she turned back Batman was gone. She sighed and went back to her computer to compose an email.
As I said I'm retconning a few bits and pieces to Raven's story. When I first wrote the scene with raven and Creg, I didn't have the confidence to go all the way through with what happened. Looking back, it's kind of dumb, so I decided to rewrite it to where Klarion didn't make it in time. I also changed the setting a bit. I'm sorry if the scene caused anyone any discomfort, but you were warned at the beginning. I also apologize for any confusion in regards to the changes. As I said it would take to long to change the original story. Let me know what you think of the changes in your reviews and I'll see you in the next chapter.