A/N: Sorry guys, all my stuff is taking a happy minute right now. I'm trying to update everything that is behind. This one included. Lemon on this chapter, one at the beginning and one near the end.
Lust me Love me
Part III
It was different then before.
So different, and yet better. It's dark, save for the raw red embers from the dying fire in the corner of the bedroom. The bed is soft, the touches so tender and desperate, breaths slow and hot against pale flesh.
Sweat and burning skin, grunts and moans as back muscles flex and hands grope and it lasts so much longer. There isn't a rush, no fear of being discovered and it's savored and prolonged towards the better part of an hour.
Lips grow chapped, bodies grow tired, but that glorious end still isn't in sight because at this moment they are still focusing on the feeling of being back together, twisted and tangled in sheets and limbs.
The young man takes the arm of his partner, brings his forearm up to his mouth and gently kisses it, the once dark mark that resided there now nothing but an angry pale scar. He leans down, finds his partner's neck, gently kisses and licks along scar tissue that rests like a pale pink sash across the front of his throat.
Severus moans and hisses at the contact to such abused areas, his head awash in heat and his body buzzing. He has been rooted inside, never pulling out too far, wanting to remain deep, settled inside as he shudders and body trembles. This is the most exercise he has gotten in months and he can't keep it up much longer.
Harry is no better, body shaking, sweat coating him, but they don't want to stop and fingers wrap into the man's long dark locks, "We h-have to finish now, we can't keep going-"
"We've neglected ourselves, I'll admit, but I….I don't….w-want to-" Severus breaths and Harry presses his lips to the man's forehead, "Ah, ah we need….need to….finish, I don't know how much longer I can manage-"
And Severus reluctantly nods, running hands down over ribs to grip hips tightly before Harry lays down on top of him, knees still straddling his waist as Severus pulls out fully, pressing back in hard and Harry's body jerks against him as he yells and his length pulses and releases.
The sharp clamp of muscles makes Severus yell, something never heard before in their many sessions previous as he tips over and Harry revels in it as his eyes remain closed and he embraces the burn of his muscles and the sharp spike of pleasure.
Severus's head falls back onto the pillow, and the heat of their bodies is near suffocating but Harry wraps his arms around the man, his lover, the pair so damaged and brittle that they may break at any moment, but for now, as they lay there covered in sweat and panting they don't think about that, they just think about each other.
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Harry takes off his glasses, digs fingers at his eyes as he grits his teeth, "No, it's a lie. He wasn't under the Imperius Curse. I won't let him play that card." the young man spat as he looked at Kingsley, who stood before him in the sitting room of the house that had been granted to Severus.
"Harry, I understand your reluctance, but this man was not a known Death Eater until recently and it's all based on hearsay. There is no actual proof aside from eyewitness testimony and unfortunately-"
"They're all dead," Harry says all-knowingly as he glances at Kingsley from under his brow. The man nods once before Harry looks away and stares at the floor with rather angry eyes.
"Fine, it's fine. We agreed to fair trials and evaluations, I'm just...being stubborn...unreasonable ...just... set him aside. We can come back to him. I will come in to interview him myself next week. Until then, move on to the next-"
"Harry-" the man says looking at him with rather serious eyes and Harry stares a moment before he says, "It's the Carrows."
Kingsley nods again and Harry sighs, thinks a moment, "Alright. I'll pack a bag, I'll stay in London until after the hearing."
"There's no need. It's an open and shut case-"
"They will get a fair trial. That was the promise given to everyone. There are no open and shut cases, not this time. Everyone gets heard, all evidence is examined. We agreed, we set the rules so no one would be-"
"Overlooked or wrongfully imprisoned. I know. But Harry, they...the testimonies alone-"
"I don't care. I'll be in to keep an eye on things. I may be on Holiday but I will-"
"You'll not." comes the soft voice from the man who had been sitting silently in the chair by the fire through the whole discussion.
Harry and Kingsley looked over to the darkly clad man who scans through a book, a glass of brandy in his hand but he doesn't lookup.
"What?" Harry asks suddenly.
"You've been away from your duties as an Auror for less than two months. The only reason I allowed you to meet with Kingsley is that there was the possibility of a true innocent. I can assure you, Mr. Patrick is not a death eater. He was what Voldemort liked to call a substitute. When Voldemort would send one of the inner circle out on a mission he would give permission to use substitutes if there was fear of the main member getting caught. The substitute was either used as a distraction or was….compelled….to do the dirty work, either way, the man you speak of has been used many times as such. If anything, he should be sent to Saint Mungo's for mental aid and evaluation. More than likely he is suffering from severe trauma and delusions. Having been used as a scapegoat so often, his ability to discern who he really is and what he did or did not do voluntarily is even beyond his own grasp. As for the Carrows, you've slowly been wasting away while you run around like the bloody king of all the wizarding world. You are an Auror Potter, not the elected leader of our people. Allow those you have placed in charge to do their jobs and you allow yourself to heal and get better. You've not stopped since you killed Voldemort, one might worry you've developed a taste for the chase and capture and little else."
Harry's eyes narrowed as he said softly, "You know, I kinda miss you not talking."
Severus just grunts and turns the page in his book before he keeps reading, "Harry. Please, allow us to handle this. I will ensure it is a fair trial for all parties and I promise you will be informed the minute there is a ruling. I swear it." Kingsley says and Harry's fists tighten before he takes a deep breath and sighs out, "Fine. Yeah, okay. Just, keep me informed."
Kingsley nods and turns to go, Harry calling out and stopping him again as he says softly, "Send that man to St. Mungo's as Severus suggested. But don't let your guard down. Keep Aurors posted while he is evaluated."
Kingsley smirks and nods before he is out the door and shutting it behind him. Harry stands there in silence, Severus's eyes glancing up at his hunched back before he looks back down to the words he hasn't actually been reading.
Harry takes a deep breath and whispers out softly, "Don't get angry." and he turns and heads for the stairs, no doubt to take a shower as he often did when he was stressed or frustrated.
"You must not allow yourself to become emotionally involved in all this." Severus muses softly and Harry stops just as he takes the first step to go upstairs and glances over his shoulder at the man, "I'm not."
"No? You were so adamant about not believing Mr. Patrick could have been under the Imperius curse even though all the evidence pointed to such a thing, and when the Carrows were brought up you demanded a fair trial even though all the evidence says they don't deserve it. You're running in circles and can't even keep your bias straight. It seems to me you'd be better off just sending all of those you've caught to jail without a trial at all and-"
"And what? Run the risk of another innocent spending the rest of their life in Azkaban?" Harry snaps and Severus finally looks up from his book and gently cocks his head to the side.
"Interesting."
"What is?" Harry asks with annoyance.
"That'd you'd be worried about such a thing. It makes me wonder if this whole song and dance has more to do with the wrongful imprisonment of your Godfather than true justice for those who are so unworthy of it."
Harry looks forward again, jaw clenching and eyes studying the floor as he thinks on those words. He hears Severus stand and feels the man approach him, feels the heat of him burning into his back and Harry shivers, his heartbeat increases.
Every since they had crossed back into the waters of a physical relationship Harry had come to realize he was rather weak in regards to refusing the man behind him anything. While the first nine months of their time together had been Harry trying to pull Severus back from the edge of oblivion, this last month and a half of Harry's begrudged holiday had been soaked in nothing but sex and conversations.
Even so, Harry had refrained from asking the man for answers, asking about his mother or the things he had seen in the Pensive. He was so worried about Severus returning to what he was before that he couldn't bring himself to speak of it.
Yet, now, as Severus put yet another foot down, told Harry he was not to go to London and that he had to release the control he had, part of him wanted to rally against it. Despite the fact he was the happiest he had been in years, despite the fact he was satisfied with the fact that all his hard work had finally brought Severus back to him.
He felt the control slowly slipping from his hands and ...honestly ...it terrified him. He had spent almost all of his life up until this point with little to no control. He had been kept in the dark, shuffled from place to place, changed between hands so often, that the very idea that he actually had complete control of his own life and the situations he found himself in, it was near overpowering and rather addictive.
He didn't want to control people, he didn't want to make his own word law. But he did want people to listen to HIM for a change, and he didn't want the world to fall into chaos, nor did he want those who deserved punishment to walk free.
Harry had been walking a very fine line for the last year, one side of the line holding his desire for complete control and the other side a wash of complete indifference. He had to maintain, allow those in charge to run things, but keep himself within their view and make sure no one stepped foot out of line.
There would be no more secrets, no more hidden alliances, no more coups, no more power struggles or vindictive acts against anyone. No more Umbridges, no more Carrows or Graybacks or Voldemorts. This would be a new age of peace and quiet and Harry would make sure no one tried to retain supreme rule or abuse their power.
You're being a hypocrite and you know it…..Harry's inner voice said and he hung his head as he realized that his tight hold of control would have to be released. He didn't want to be in charge of everything, he just wanted to be Harry, but his fear of things spiraling out of control again was like a storm inside his heart.
A hand comes to rest on his shoulder, warm and solid and Harry closes his eyes and takes a slow deep breath, smelling Severus's scent and letting it swirl inside his head as he feels those soothing waves wash through is body.
"You are nothing more than what you have always been. A young man who has faced far too much for his age. It is no longer your responsibility to save the world. Let those fools stumble through rebuilding society. You've done enough. You can trust Kingsley, can trust Granger and Weasley, trust those who have proven themselves to you. You have no need to suffer anymore, and I shall make sure you don't. That is the promise I made, and the one I shall keep."
It's the first time Severus has made mention of anything revolving around his pact with Dumbledore. The first time he has ever admitted to his long-time promise to protect and watch over Harry.
Slowly Harry turned around, the hand on his shoulder falling away as green eyes met black ones, "You don't have to keep that promise anymore, Professor. You're just as free as I am." Harry says softly as he places a light hand on the man's chest.
Severus's face remains that calm mask of neutrality, not giving much in the way of how he is currently feeling aside from the gentle rise of a singular brow, "I may be free, but I promised your mother I'd watch out for you. No matter what happens, that is a promise I cannot break-"
Harry's brow furrowed and he stared at the man in confusion, "I don't ...I don't understand Professor, you made that promise to Dumbledore...my mother was already dead when you-"
"Yes, of course. That is what I meant." and Harry saw the barest trace of realization come to the man's face, a realization that he may have admitted to something he shouldn't and the memories of the conversation Harry had with his mother right before he died came to light.
Green eyes grew wide and Harry looked at Severus with suspicion before he said slowly, "Professor…..did you see ...my mother-"
Severus's eyes narrowed and he turned away, "Don't be foolish-" the man had started to snap out but Harry was quick to interrupt, "Because I did." and this seemed to cause the man to stop in his tracks, standing before his wingback chair, holding the book he had discarded earlier tightly in his hands.
"I saw her just before I died. Before Voldemort killed me. I saw my mother and my dad, Sirius, Remus, all of them. Those who were closest to me. They came and talked to me. Encouraged me to be brave, to face my death. Did my mum come to you?" Harry asked.
Severus had turned back to look at him, face much the same as when Harry had spoken Parseltongue for the first time his 2nd year. He stared at Harry, unsure of what to say, unsure of what to deny or admit to.
The silence rested thick between them and it was Severus who went to speak first, only he was cut off by a knock on the door.
Their eyes remained locked despite it and Severus slowly closed his mouth and Harry sighed. When a second knock sounded Harry shook his head and turned away, "You get it. I'm going to go shower." and the young man headed up the stairs.
Severus watched him go before he set his book aside and made his way to the front door. He opened it and was greeted by the sight of Minerva McGonagall.
"Good morning, Severus." the woman said with a small knowing smile and the man eyed her warily as he realized she had something mischievous in her eye.
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Severus had invited the woman in, the tension between them mostly based on Severus as this was the first time she had come to call upon him while he was finally able and willing to communicate.
Every time she had come before Severus had simply stared off, not responsive or self-aware in the slightest. Now, there were so many things Severus felt he needed to say, wanted to say, but he honestly didn't know where to start.
So, he had invited her to sit down, gone into the kitchen to make tea, spelling things together quickly before he returned and set it down before her on the small round coffee table.
"Thank you, Severus." the woman had said with a nod as her old yet clever eyes looked at the carefully set tray and then up to him. Severus had sat in the chair across from her, hands gripping the armrests and feet planted firmly on the ground as his dark eyes hesitantly moved from his knees to look up at her.
There was a long pause and then Minerva cleared her throat daintily and said in a rather soft voice, "I've come bringing news, news I hope you will find rather exciting if not a little sudden."
Severus says nothing at first, opening his mouth and then closing it again and Minerva eyes him carefully before she asks, "How's Potter? I've been told he has been sharing this house with you."
"Potter?" Severus asks and the sound of his voice brings a small smile to Minerva's face and she presses up to sit on the edge of the couch before continuing, "Yes, isn't Harry your guardian until this business of house arrest is over?" she asks.
Severus takes a small breath, goes to say something but only manages out a slow and elongated, "Yes."
Minerva gives him a long look before she sighs, "Are you alright, Severus? You seem stressed. Have I come at a bad time?" and he says suddenly, "No."
The old witch seems unsure where to go from here and yet another sigh escapes her, "Perhaps I'd better go. I heard you were speaking again and on the road to a full recovery. I was rather impatient, I suppose I should have owled first, but I was rather excited at the prospect of speaking to you. Forgive an old witch her sudden indulgences-" and Minerva went to stand but Severus instantly leaned forward and held out a hand, "Wait, please-" and she looked to him with confusion, studying the sudden look of desperation on his face and she slowly sat back down before nodding.
Severus murmured a soft thank you before he brought a hand to his face and rubbed at his eyes, trying to think of the best way to do this. He had meant to write a letter, had meant to find a way to tell her but everything had been a blur, this past year, and now things with Harry had taken a rather drastic turn. A turn he had not predicted and had tried to avoid but found he could not stop from taking.
"Please, I, Minerva- I need to clear the air. What I did, how I acted. About that night, when you and I, when I abandoned my post as Headmaster. It shouldn't have happened the way it did and I didn't want to fight you. I- you were a friend, a true friend to me. I had no choice...I never had any choice and I am sorry, so very sorry for everything. I couldn't protect our students, I couldn't protect our friends and Albus, I- he told me to but it was the hardest, the most wicked- I am sorry I took him from you, from us. I spent months trying to think of another way...any possible way to, to not have to-"
For a long time, Severus had been known for his quick wit and succinct way with words, well-spoken and always understood he rarely if ever struggled to put words together.
But now, after everything that had happened, ever since his mind had taken a nine-month vacation, he found it hard, at times, to put his thoughts together. There were certain people, like Minerva, that he had so much he wanted to say, he often could never think of a single thing to say.
It had all come out so garbled and incoherent and yet as he tried to struggle through and explain himself to her, he was stopped by an old but warm hand on his knee, soft eyes brimmed with tears that did not fall and the soft words of, "I know, Severus. And I forgive you it all. There is no hatred between us, no resentment on my side. I don't envy you the life you have lived, but...in my opinion...you have lived it to the best of your abilities."
When Severus had first come to teach at Hogwarts, his fate already dealt in regards to his deal with Dumbledore, he had been rather cold and quiet towards the staff. After all, some of them had been his teachers prior to this and though he was one of the youngest to ever teach at Hogwarts he felt little confidence in his ability to build bridges.
However, Minerva had been the first to try. It had taken several years, and many long conversations over tea, many late-night games of chess, a rather intense if not fun rivalry between her noble house of Gryffindor and his sly house of Slytherin. But Minerva had won out and Severus had accepted her as a friend and trusted colleague.
To some degree, Severus often thought of her as the mother he had wished he had, the wise woman often giving him advice when Albus would push him too far or annoy him with demands.
The night she had stood before him, wand drawn, face cold as stone, Severus had felt his heart near seize in regret. The feeling of betrayal on the deepest level settling in his gut as he knew he would most likely die before he could ever tell her the truth. That this woman who had been some form of shelter and friend to him over so many years would think him so wicked, it had hurt worse than anything had with the exception of having to kill Albus.
As they stared at each other, gentle eyes meeting, Severus put a shaky hand on top of hers and a very soft smile came to his lips before he took a deep breath and nodded, not sure what else to say though his mouth seemed to go without his consent, "I am glad, I thought I had lost one of my few trusted friends, it is...a relief to know you can forgive me for my sins so readily. I do not deserve it, but I thank you nonetheless."
"There were few I trusted more than you, Severus. I would like to have that faith again, after all, with so few years left to me, one often thinks to keep their family as close as possible."
Severus is surprised by her statement but the smile grows just a little more and he takes her hand in his, gives it a squeeze and the woman quickly wipes at her eyes, "Now then, young man, enough of this emotional nonsense. I have come with news and I simply cannot wait to tell you."
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Harry comes downstairs freshly showered, face shaved and body tired, but as he sees Severus sitting across from Professor McGonagall his spirits lift and he moves quickly down the stairs, "Professor? What are you doing here?" he asks as he comes to stand before her, the old woman rising and they give a short embrace, "How are you, Potter?" she asks and Harry smirks, "Please, Professor, call me Harry. At this point, I think last name basis is rather silly."
McGonagall smiles and sits down, Harry taking the spot next to her on the couch while the old witch nods, "I suppose so, very well, Harry. You may call me Minerva."
Harry chuckles lightly and looks from Severus, who has simply watched the interaction in silence, back to his old head of house before he asks, "What brings you?" Harry questioned.
"Well, I was just speaking to Severus. As you know, after the final battle, Hogwarts needed a rather lengthy renovation. The school took heavy damages and in the interest of safety for both teachers and students, an entire school year was postponed."
Harry nodded at this, having recalled being part of the decision making staff. An offer of temporary schooling for those displaced students had come from seven of the eleven other schools across the globe. It was decided that if any of the students of Hogwarts were sent there then upon their return, the year abroad would be counted and they would move on to the next level in their schooling.
Those parents that wished to wait for the school's reopening were told their child would simply have to repeat the year that was interrupted before they could move on. The loyalty to Hogwarts school was rather heartwarming as it turned out of all the families and all the students to go, only a dozen students had planned to study abroad for the missing year.
"As it were, the school is ready and waiting for the return of its students, and I am happy to report that we have a full roster."
"Excellent!" Harry says with a smile as he looked to Severus who simply nods and says softly, "That is good to hear, it does beg to wonder though, why you felt the need to come all the way here to tell us such news. I think, perhaps, there is more to this visit than just that."
Minerva smiled at him ruefully, "Clever as ever, Severus. Yes, as there are more students who elected to simply retake their missing year, and we have a full list of new first-year students there will be a bit over overcrowding until the seventh years graduate. As it is now, we have double the first years we normally have and a group of seventh years who by all standards have already learned everything they could possibly hope to learn due to the fact they fought in the war."
Harry gave her a curious look, "Hang on, why not just grant the seventh years an honorary diploma. That's my class, I know most of them could run circles around-"
"Be that as it may, some are rather adamant about finishing. Your friend Miss. Granger is among them."
"Hermione is going back?" Harry asks in surprise.
"Oh? Didn't she tell you? Well, now you know. She is returning to finish her final year and she wishes to do it in the manner which was originally intended. It seems most of your fellow students are returning." Harry looked down at that, realized he had not even considered going back. His mind hummed with thoughts as he reached out a hand and took up the third cup of tea, no doubt Severus had made it in anticipation for his return.
Taking a sip Harry mused on the idea, Hogwarts had been his home for so long, it nearly shocked him that he wouldn't have thought to do it. Perhaps he could take a longer leave, finish his final year. The Ministry would surely let him come back to being an Auror after...but if he was at Hogwarts ...who would keep an eye on everything...who would...protect-
"Severus, Harry, I've come here to request that you return to Hogwarts as temporary teachers for the seventh year students."
Harry's throat seized and he spewed his tea as the cup slipped from his hands and fell onto the tray, cracking in half and sending the plate of biscuits to shift off and over the edge of the table.
"Well, not the response I had hoped for-" Minerva said as she tsked at Harry and the young man gave a weak smile at her from behind the hand he had placed firmly over his mouth.
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"I don't understand, Minerva. Who would support such a ridiculous notion?" Severus asked and the woman looked taken aback by Severus's harsh tone.
"Who? Everyone honestly. Considering the events of the past year, there are many people who have shown a great amount of interest at the idea."
"Who?" Severus asks with doubt as he props the side of his face up with fingers as his elbow digs into the arm of his chair.
"Well, all the remaining staff at Hogwarts think it's a grand idea. It would make the workload easier, considering the influx of students and it would allow the seventh years a more challenging course load."
"How so?" Harry asked.
"How? Between you and Severus, I think the new Defense against the Dark Arts class could be the most challenging we have. It would be marked down as an accelerated class, of course, as many of the students involved have already proven their capabilities."
"I'm confused...so...Severus wouldn't be teaching potions?" Harry asked.
"Well, I did mean to ask him if he would also consider giving an advanced potions class as well, for the seventh year students only, but I was more concerned with trying to get you two on board with the initial plans for a duel class-"
"Do you mean to say, you want both Potter and myself to teach a 7th year accelerated DADA class together, in order to challenge the students who by all standards of wizarding society have already proven themselves capable."
Minerva frowned, "Yes. I do."
"But Professor-" Harry started, having already forgotten he was supposed to address her by her first name, "Look, you two, listen carefully. Those students who have elected to return to school are required to take all the classes to get their diploma. In order to do that they need to pass all the classes given. However, the classes the seventh years would normally take are no longer adequate, it would be an insult considering what has happened the past year. Essentially a free ride through-"
"I don't understand, Professor, wouldn't that be a good thing?" Harry asked, "They've already proven they are more than capable-"
"I am the Headmistress of Hogwarts, and in my school there are no free rides. If these students wish to return to learn, then we shall teach them as much as possible. Now, Severus would take point, as he has a very large amount of teaching experience. You would, in essence be his assistant. You would help him grade papers, you'd both share giving lectures and together you would teach the 7th years more advanced dueling strategies and skills. It will also be a requirement to teach about some of the more disturbing elements of the dark arts-"
Harry suddenly interrupted as he looked dead in the woman's eye, "You want me to teach them about Horcruxes, about what happens when dark magic is used."
Minerva seemed to hesitate but then nodded slowly, "Potter, these are going to be the first witches and wizards going into the world after the war. They are your fellow classmates, they will have the first wave of children directly after Voldemort's fall. It is important they understand everything, if for no other reason then to know what to look for in the future, to know what to prevent from happening."
"And did you ever think that the reason this all started in the first place is that Slughorn got a little too loose-lipped with a young Tom Riddle?" Harry asked rather stiffly and Severus suddenly leaned up, "Temper, Potter." he said softly and Harry looks at him, seems to catch himself before he nods and swallows, looking back at the woman with shame in his eye, "Sorry." he says and Minerva looks at him sadly, but with understanding.
"I do understand your hesitancy, but I hope you understand what I am aiming to do, what I am trying to accomplish. I don't want there to be any ignorance. I don't want to fail the students, they need to be taught the things that are most important so that history does not repeat itself."
Harry mused on this, rolled it around in his head, the idea that he could go back to Hogwarts, exist in his home away from home and know that for once, nothing would happen to ruin it. No death eaters or evil plots, no Voldemort or crazy adventures. He would be a teacher's assistant ...to Severus….they would be there together ...and he would see his friends….the Great Hall, the grounds ...simply exist in the one place he had always felt the happiest.
The silence was broken, his thoughts dissipating as he heard Severus speak, "Would you give us a few days to discuss the matter and think it over?"
"Of course, of course. Just send your answer by owl and let me know by the end of the week."
They talked for another half hour or so, Minerva sharing her thoughts on the current pending trials as well as asking about how things were going at the Ministry. Harry explained he was on leave and after a few interesting stories and anecdotes about the school and its repair the elderly witch took her leave and left the pair of men to sit in silence and shock and consider their future.
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They didn't speak about it until dinner time. They sat across from each other, Severus with a steaming mug of tea, Harry with a chilled mug of homemade butterbeer, and their dinner spread across the table. They each helped themselves to what they wanted, both with a pensive and focused air as their thoughts swirled and ruminating over the current request that had been made of them.
It was Harry who was the first to break the silence, "You're house arrest would be over before the first term started-" and he stopped himself from saying more, not sure how Severus actually felt about the idea.
It occurred to Harry at that moment, when he glanced up and Severus's face of neutrality gave a hint of skepticism and a gentle lift of the brow, that the man may have had no intention of even considering the request. Harry had made the assumption readily that Severus's request for time to think on the offer Minerva made was genuine, now though, he thinks the man may have just said what she wanted to hear in order to end the conversation.
"You don't want to, do you." Harry said, slightly disappointed but also well aware of how big a step that would be for Severus. It would be a rather sudden and harsh return to the real world outside, surrounded by people, students, teachers ...many who had thought him an evil wicked man.
It would definitely be like a blunt force ripping at his peace and Harry suddenly realized it would be a very difficult transition for the man before him. Returning to a world, a life that he had assumed was long gone, the place where he murdered a man, started an illicit affair with a student, fought with the very woman whom had made the request. Hogwarts, for Harry, was a home, a safe place, a place he loved. For Severus, it was nothing but a place he had existed during some of the most dangerous, treacherous and difficult years of his life.
"No, but my wishes do not matter, so it will fall to you." Severus said softly, his dark eyes staring at him with a rather indifferent glance.
"Me? Why me?" Harry asked in confusion.
Severus slowly reached for his mug, took a sip as his eyes finally left him and gave a gentle gaze down into the brown water of the tea.
He swallowed but kept the mug raised, voice soft and lips near it's tilted edge, "If you go, I go, so the decision, as it were, is yours."
Harry had nothing he could say to that, he was stunned, utterly shocked by the turn this conversation had taken. Harry took another sip of his beer, green eyes staring at Severus over the rim of his mug too stunned to speak.
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Harry laid in bed for nearly two hours, wide awake and thinking of what he wanted to do. He wanted to go, he wanted to teach the seventh years and the 1st years and bring something useful and fulfilling into his life.
But Severus didn't want to go, he didn't want to exist in that place anymore. Hogwarts was his past and considering Harry had spent so many months drilling ideas of freedom and choice into the man's head the guilt he felt at making Severus go back simply because Harry wanted too was immense.
Yet, he felt pulled to go back, he wanted it, he desired it more than almost anything, aside from remaining with Severus. If it came down to being at Hogwarts or being with Severus he had no doubts at all about what he would choose.
Hands down, it's Severus. I wouldn't never choose anything over him. Yet, the pull to go back, to have one year without trial or tribulations would be the best experience ever. But how can I make that choice knowing Severus would just be suffering through… I can't make that choice, I can't put my lover through that for merely selfish reasons….
As he thought about it hands came around him, his body dragged back as Severus whispered in his ear, "Your thoughts are loud again." he chided so gently.
"Sorry." Harry offered and Severus gave a dry chuckle before he gently kissed Hardy's shoulder and lips gently moved against skin, "I know what you're thinking, Potter. I know you want to go back. And I know the only thing stopping you is me. Why do you act like it's such a hard decision? We both know what your answer is."
Harry smirked and then sighed, "Not really. Yeah, I want to go back. It sounds amazing and I know I can contribute towards making the students of Hogwarts better prepared for the future, but I can't make a decision like that at the expense of you. For the last three years you are all I've wanted, the idea of making you go through with something you don't want simply because I feel drawn back...it's selfish...I can't...I'd never do anything to hurt you. I can't."
Severus had been very still as Harry spoke and when the young man finished Severus pressed lips to the young man's ear and said so softly, "You mean to say, if I forbid you to go, if I wanted to keep you here, simply to have you all to myself….you'd do it?"
Harry sighed at the feeling of Severus nuzzling so close to him, at the soft sound of his voice and he nodded and sighed, "I'd do anything you ask of me." Harry assured.
"Mmm, even concede to finishing the conversation in the morning? It seems I need you now." The man whispered out and Harry's skin ignited in goosebumps and his length twitch.
"Anything you want, anything." Harry whispered and Severus seemed to smile against his ear as he said quietly, "Get rid of those pants and spread your legs, Harry."
It was rare that Severus used Harry's first name, but when he did it was pure ecstasy to Harry. He moaned a little and his hand's jerk to his pants as he presses them down and feels his length stiffen quickly.
"Your bodies used to it now, used to me, I bet I won't even need lubrication. Are you ready for me? Do you want it?"
Harry nodded frantically, his body always warming up and readying for his lover far too quickly, there was no playing hard to get and honestly, Harry found that game boring anyway.
"Say it." Severus hissed as he reached a hand down and took up Harry's length, "I want it, Severus, I do, I'm ready." Harry said swiftly and his body hummed readily for his partner and Severus was quick to respond.
He placed his own length at Harry's entrance before he said softly, "Don't yell, wouldn't want to wake the neighbors." And then he pressed in. Severus had been right, after two months of continuous rutting Harry's body was ready and lubrication wasn't really needed as Harry had learned how to relax and take the intrusion into his body with little discomfort.
The boy arched and moaned against him but there was not a single sigh of pain. Severus no longer needed to be careful or worried, he pressed in all the way, deep and secure as he lay there with Harry flush against his chest, ass nestled against his hips as he groaned into the man's ear, "So sweet, every time, always…" Severus moaned out greedily.
It was quiet for a while, their bodies gently moving against each other, gasps and shutter, pleasure and love spiking though as of yet, neither had said such a word.
Harry's mind swirled with thoughts, feelings, and memories. Their first time, and how they owed all of this to a potion gone wrong. How Harry had finished his fifth and sixth years while having an illicit relationship with his potions professor. He wondered if anyone knew. They had excelled at hiding it, Severus had even taught Harry the art of subtlety and patience in regards to their meetings. Honestly, most of the things Severus had taught him in hopes of aiding their scandalous dalliance were things directly linked to being a spy.
Stealth, thinking on your toes, speaking convincing lies, laying crumbs that led to one conclusion while the real conclusion was further off in the distance. As far as Harry knew no one had ever realized the truth of their relationship and honestly if Harry ever told anyone the truth of it, he would admit that his time with Severus had given to him both strength to continue to fight and some of the worst depression and anguish he had ever gone through.
Severus's teeth came to Harry's shoulder and he bit gently, sucking and licking as Harry moaned and squirmed, the man pressing against Harry and rolling the young man onto his stomach.
Severus pressed Harry's legs wider apart and as he pressed in Harry moaned and gripped at the sheets, "You know if we went back to that blasted school I could speak to the Headmistress about allowing us adjoining rooms." Severus mused and Harry felt his breath hitch in his throat.
"During the day we would teach, but at night….at night-" but the man didn't finish because his thrusts were speeding up and Harry felt his toes curling as his sweet spot was being stroked over and over, "Severus!" Harry groaned into the bedding, "To fast, to fast, going to...to…"
Severus hummed and slowed a little, continuing his deep and now slower strokes, a hand coming to drag nails down Harry's chest and his teeth finding purchase once again on the younger man's throat.
"Every night-" Harry breathed and Severus moaned against his throat and once again started to speed up, Harry protesting as he wanted to make this last, wanted to savor it, he always wanted to savor it, but Severus couldn't seem to keep a steady rhythm tonight. He started to pump harder, faster and deeper, making Harry keen into the pillows and though he begged the man to slow so he could have just a few more minutes of pleasure Severus denied him and stroked against Harry's sweet spot without mercy.
Harry jerked and his body tightened as he came, his mind going silent as pleasure shot through his body and he honed in on the sounds his lover was making. Severus was gasping, biting into the young man's shoulder harder and nails dug into Harry's skin and he thrust in hard and fast, reaching his peak and then letting out such a groan as to make Harry shiver.
He felt the man cum, his length pulsing inside and Harry felt such a wash of contentment and pleasure before Severus come to lay like a dead weight on top of him. Harry breathed deeply, his muscles relaxing and his body feeling utterly spent.
Severus remained there for several minutes, breathing against Harry's throat before he finally shifted off, pulling Harry back against him as he delivered kisses to Harry's shoulder.
Nothing was said and nothing needed to be said really, it was another night of passion and neither had any complaints. As they lay together, relaxed and sweaty Harry's mind wandered lazily.
At the end of his sixth year when Severus had left with the other Death Eaters Harry didn't want to believe it to be true. But his lover had killed Dumbledore, betrayed the Order, turned his back on everything and everyone who trusted and cared for him.
When Severus lay dying in the boathouse there had been so many things Harry had wanted to ask him, so many things he had wanted to say. Severus had given Harry his tears, filled with information and memories, and despite what he should have done, Harry had seen this as a gesture of goodwill and so had asked Hermione to preform a stasis charm, trapping Severus in the final seconds before his death.
Harry had always wondered if while in that stasis the man had dreamed, had been aware of everything going on. But when Harry had seen those memories, he had realized everything Severus had done or had been doing in hopes of aiding Harry. He had sat in the silence of Dumbledore's office, a state of shock and cold covering him, consuming him. His harsh words to the man filling his mind, the anger and hate he had felt for Severus consuming him.
But in that moment of silence, realizing everything that had happened forgiveness had come and so had an understanding. He finally understood the role Severus had played for so many years, finally understood what role he himself had to play. He had left the memories Severus had granted him with Hermione, telling her to view them and aid in Severus's recovery should Harry not come back. She had been confused but had not questioned him.
The relief that had come at the end of it all, knowing that Voldemort was gone and that there was a chance Severus might survive, and that Harry could ask him the questions that had burned to life inside him, well, Harry pushed hard to save the man from being cast into Azkaban. He had wanted to keep Severus close, find a way that they could try to reconnect.
All this time later, after months of work and pushing, coaxing the man to come back to the world of the living, they had reconnected but Harry had yet to ask his questions. No matter what he was doing or where he was these questions prayed on his mind. Yet, he was terrified of Severus pulling away, falling back in on himself and returning to a mute and unreachable man lost at sea.
He'd wait as long as it took, but Harry knew, eventually, he would get his answers if only he could just be patient.
"I suppose-" Severus suddenly said slowly, as if in deep thought, "If the Headmistress would grant us joined quarters, and you remained close to me...another year at that wretched school...would not be so bad." Severus's tone was reluctant, his words coming slow, but his hand had come up to press hair away from Harry's face as he slowly inhaled and gave the smallest of hums.
"It'd be a normal year, for both of us. No near-death experiences, no Voldemort or Death Eaters, no Order or spying, we'd just be able to enjoy it...I could….we could be….normal." Harry sighed with far too much satisfaction.
"It would no doubt make you happy to be the center of attention again." Snape deadpanned though Harry knew Severus was teasing.
"Yes. It would Severus." Harry then turned in the man's arms, coming to rest his head just under the man's chin as their legs tangled together, "It would be odd, going back, seeing everyone, almost like pretending it never happened...but...I'd rather be there, teaching and trying to help then…"
"Then chasing down stray Death Eaters and renegade Snatchers?" Severus mused.
There was silence a moment before Harry nearly whispered, "I'd not change my life, but I do wish...sometimes...that it never happened...that Voldemort never happened."
"Yes, that would be a preferred existence, but you realize-"
"I'd never have had you." Harry said as he pressed closer, "I'd rather go through it all over again than go a day without this. I love you." and it came out without thought, but Harry didn't tense or freeze, didn't pull away or try to cover the slip.
He felt Severus still but since he didn't pull away Harry braved speaking the truth of his feelings while the moment was still calm and intimate, "I love you, Severus. I understand now, how such a thing is still too complicated for you. I know your past, your feelings towards my mother, but I need to say it, to make sure you know. I felt this way before I knew the truth, and I still feel this way for you after. I hope someday you will believe it and that someday you can return it. But if not, well, I'll love you anyway."
Severus said nothing for a long while, their breathing falling in sync as Harry relaxed and fell into the hazy edges of sleep.
A kiss came to his forehead before arms pulled Harry closer and in the dark Severus whispered out a soft, "Always."
A/N: There you go. Another chapter finally after forever! Part III, ain't that fun! I am trying to update a bunch of my stories. I've fallen so far behind.