sorry it took so long. hope you enjoy. please read and review and merry christmas

~oOo~

She said nothing after he spoke. She simply stood there, head tilted slightly, her dark eyes considering. Had it been any other time Aegnor could have sat there infinitely, waiting patiently for her to reply. It was something he had become quite adept at through the years. But tonight his mind was far afield, his focus off. He was desperate. He took in a breath and slowly let it out.

"Please, I need to speak to Carnistir."

"I heard you the first time," she said after a moment, her eyes still considering although they narrowed somewhat. "Agner right? So, what's your real name."

Aegnor could not help but notice it was not a question.

"Aikanáro Ambarato Arafinwëan … Aegnor."

Haley leaned against her elbows on the bar and gave a low whistle.

"Wow, that's a mouthful. You kids do like your flourish don't you," she replied with a little half smile. "You want something to drink?"

Aegnor was not sure if she was toying with him, for one of the second born she was very difficult to read. A rarity in this day and age of their kind. He could see why Carnistir liked her.

"No," he answered. "I only need to see Carnistir."

"Cirian."

"What?"

"Cirian," she said again, pushing away from the bar and grabbing a glass. "He goes by Cirian."

"Can you contact him?"

"Maybe," she walked over to the beer tap and began to fill the glass. "Where's Andrea?"

Aegnor began to feel a slight annoyance now. He was definitely beginning to see why Carnistir liked her so much. "She is not here."

"I can see that," she chuckled as she pushed the tap back to stop the flow of liquid and then turned her full gaze upon him. "This is about her right?"

Aegnor said nothing.

"Yeah it is," she quipped, her little half smile returning, "you look like shit. Here." She set the beer glass down in front of him. "Is she alright?"

"Yes of course she is." Aegnor's mouth tightened as he sat up a little straighter. That had come out a little more defensive than he had intended. But she had presumed too much with that. As if he would ever do anything to harm her. But if the young woman in front was bothered at all by his indignation, she showed nothing. She simply leaned back over the bar on her elbows and rested her chin in her hand.

"So you haven't told her then."

"Told her what."

"Who you are of course."

"… No, I have not."

"Of course you haven't because she still likes you. But she isn't going to like you when you tell her and nothing you do will prepare her for this. There's nothing you can do or say that is going to make it any easier. There are only two things that can happen, she's either going to love you or she's going to hate you. And if she hates you she will leave you. And you will have to let her leave. You can't force it on her or drag it out. You will have to let her go or you will only make it worse … for the both of you."

Aegnor did not speak. Truth be told he could not speak. He had been offended at first at her insinuation that something had happened to Andrea and then for her to assume she could speak freely with him about such personal matters that she could not possibly understand had infuriated him.

But then he realized that she most certainly could understand. That she could understand perhaps, better than anyone. That she could understand from a point of view that he never could.

He had been so self-absorbed in his own pain that he had never considered her view, the pain that she would face. She could very easily turn him away, send him from her as he had done so many ages ago. It had almost destroyed him when it had been his choice, what would it do if it were hers?

He looked hopelessly at the woman in front of him.

"I love her," he whispered.

He could only assume at the levels of pathetic he must have reached. Even he winced at the sound of his own voice. But the young woman's face seemed to soften as she gave him a sad little smile.

"I believe you," she whispered back.

Aegnor squeezed his eyes shut for a moment and gathered his composure before looking at her once more. Now it was his turn to lean forward on his elbows against the bar towards her.

"Haley, please, will you call Carnistir?" he asked again.

A familiar little half smile returned once more as a single eyebrow cocked up and amusement flashed in her eyes. Amusement and, Aegnor realized, something else. As her eyes moved past him he could see a light that burned within. A light that was not of Man.

"Now what makes you think that I haven't already?"

Aegnor followed her gaze towards the entrance to see Carnistir standing at the door, glowering. Aegnor sat up straight in his chair and made to rise, ready to deflect his cousin's obvious wrath towards him when a sound from behind him pulled him away.

"Oh please," Haley huffed from behind, "stop being so melodramatic and get in here. Ugh!"

Aegnor turned to look at her but she was already pushing herself away from the bar to grab another glass.

"Such a drama queen…" she muttered as she worked.

Carnistir slowly sauntered over to where Aegnor sat, stared down at him in that imperious way of his, and said nothing. Aegnor stood up. He decided to speak in Quenya in an attempt to show his cousin his sincerity and also to keep Haley from feeling uncomfortable from whatever might be said.

"Carnistir," he started, "please, I know we have not seen eye to eye –"

"We have never seen eye to eye," Carnistir interrupted, speaking in Quenya as well.

"– but," Aegnor continued, "I am willing to accept my fault in this and seek to amend it. I regret how our last meeting ended. It was not how I wished. Seeing you again brought up feelings and memories that had been buried deep within. I was reminded of how I once was and how I have been running from it ever since my return. Please Carnistir, you are the first and only one of our kind I have encountered … and my kin … and I never realized how much I needed that till now, regardless of who it is. You cannot tell me that you have not felt something of the same. Let us try again, please … I … I need your advice."

If Carnistir was moved at all by his speech he showed nothing.

"Well that must have been painful," he sneered.

Aegnor ground his teeth and kept his calm. "Will you sit with me?"

"Of course he will," Haley piped up from behind the bar. The both of them looked at her with surprise. "Just not here. If it was just one of you it would be fine but two of you, well that's just too much pretty in one place. You'll attract way too much attention. Come on."

She grabbed Aegnor's glass and the other glass she had been preparing when Carnistir arrived and jerked her head for them to follow. Aegnor made to move but stopped when he realized that Carnistir had not moved at all. He stood still as stone, his face unreadable. Haley turned around and stared silently back except her eyes narrowed and her stance was impatient. To the casual observer it would seem that they were having some sort of staring contest, but Aegnor knew it was much much more. There was most certainly a contest going on but it was a contest of wills. There was a silent conversation happening between them. A silent communication that only those who are bonded could share. Something that was almost sacred was passing between them and Aegnor knew that, although he could not hear them, he witnessing something that was very personal. He looked away uncomfortably, like a child who was embarrassed at witnessing his parents having a spat.

They stood like that for several silent minutes. Carnistir never moving while Haley sighed impatiently and rolled her eyes incredulously, till finally she broke out into a wide smile.

"Okay then," Haley said brightly, "follow me."

Aegnor turned to look at Carnistir but he was already moving, an almost petulant look on his face. Aegnor stared at the tiny woman before him in disbelief.

"Back here," she called out over her shoulder as she led them to a booth in the very back of the bar next to the kitchen. "We use this booth to count out the register or our tips at the end of the night. No one sits back here and the noise from the kitchen should cover up your conversation. Now you to be good boys and play nice okay?"

She set down a glass in front of the both of them before leaning down and planting a kiss on Carnistir. When she stopped kissing him she kept her forehead against his and stared at him with a playful expression till, to Aegnor's surprise, Carnistir's face softened and he gave her droll smile as he swatted her away. Haley pulled back with a grin and then left.

Aegnor watched her return to the bar and then looked over at Carnistir. His cousin had gone back to his normally cool exterior, except that he seemed somewhat more relaxed. Aegnor was not sure of what to say after everything he had just witnessed and so he spoke the first thing that came to his mind.

"She knows Quenya?" he asked.

"She knows many things," Carnistir snorted as he lifted his glass, "although sometimes she thinks she knows more when she does not. But yes, she does know Quenya and Sindarin. It is one of the many memories that have come back to her."

Aegnor nodded as he looked at his own glass. "Andrea has remembered as well."

"Ah," Carnistir said, looking at Aegnor from over his drink, "so now we come to it. You have decided to go forward with her then?"

"No I … I just … I do not know."

Aegnor raked a hand through his hair only to drop it onto the table with a thud as he collapsed against the back of his seat with a sigh. He braced himself for the inevitable insult but it did not come. Well, at least not right away.

"Do you enjoy making yourself miserable?"

Ah, there it is, Aegnor thought.

"Because I have to say," Carnistir sighed as he tapped his fingers against his glass, "you and your family have always seemed to excel at it. It is almost as if you thrive off of misery and duty and making yourself miserable with duty. I have to admit I was quite surprised when you and your brothers made the journey, and even more surprised to find you reborn. I mean, I would have thought the halls would have been bliss for you what with the all the sorrow and tortured souls around. Even your father –"

"Can we please not discuss family," Aegnor interrupted, his voice carefully controlled. He willed his hand out of the tight fist that he had unconsciously balled it into. Carnistir did not seem to be concerned with his cousin's obvious attempt at control.

"As you wish." Carnistir shrugged. "I was merely making an observation," he mumbled as he took a drink from his glass. "So why am I here Aegnor, what exactly do you want from me?"

Aegnor shook his head. "I don't know," he laughed helplessly. "I have no idea. I do not know why I needed to find you. I was not even planning on ever seeing you again and yet somehow I ended up here. My mind is not right but then I no longer know what is right anymore anyway so why not find you. Her memories are a torment for me. Is she truly reliving these things or am I, in my desperation projecting them on her somehow? I almost took her Carnistir. Last night, I had her in my arms and I would have taken her, without her knowledge, but …"

Carnistir stared at him from across the table. "But what?"

"But … she said my name. Not the name I go by now, today. But the name she knew, then! Aegnor she said. She said Aegnor."

"So?"

Aegnor blinked. "So?"

"Yes," Carnistir hissed, "so! So she said your name. So what! Of course she will say your name, she is going to say a lot of things, many of which you will not like. So did you make the bond with her or not?!"

"Of course not!" Aegnor replied indignantly. Carnistir threw his hands up in the air as he now flung himself back against his seat as Aegnor did earlier.

"Of course you did not! I mean how could you?!" Carnistir laughed as he pinched the space between his eyes as if he had a headache.

"I fail to see what is so amusing," Aegnor said stiffly. "Of course I did not. She does not know what that would involve and do to so without her knowledge would be a sacrilege."

"Oh bloody hell Aegnor, pull that prudish head out of your ass for once and look around you! The world has changed, the Old World is long gone along with its archaic rules for living! You have been given a second chance so why do you hang on so desperately to the past?"

"I am not hanging desperately – are you suggesting that I should have just taken her there and created the bond with her? Wrapping my fëa around hers till they are one combined, without any explanation as to what has happened? No explanation to what I have done? Are you implying that she just will not notice?"

"Oh do not be so daft, of course she will know," Carnistir sniffed dismissively. "She will know immediately. She may not know exactly what has happened but she will know something is different, just calm down."

"Is that what you did to this girl? Did you take her into the bond without her consent? Is that why she warned me?"

Aegnor had thought that Carnistir would become incensed at the accusation but instead his cousin merely gave him a considering look.

"Haley warned you?" he asked. "What did she say?"

"She told me that I cannot force this on her, on Andrea. That it would only make it worse for the both of us."

Carnistir smiled and shook his head. "Of course she did," he said more to himself than to Aegnor.

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"Did you do this without her consent?"

"Of course I did not," now Carnistir was indignant as he slammed down his glass, "as if I even could take anything from her without her consent!"

"Now I thought I said to be nice," Haley said as she set two fresh glasses down on the table. Aegnor and Carnistir sat up straight in their seats but still cut the occasional sideways glance in the others direction.

"If you kids can't keep it down I am going to have to separate you," she added. Carnistir sighed loudly.

"We are fine, there is nothing here that concerns you thank you."

"Aw," she said with a smile, "remind me to add that to the list of things I'm supposed to give a shit about, mmkay?" Haley turned and looked at Aegnor. "I have a list dedicated completely to him you know," she said, gesturing to Carnistir as she walked away, empty glasses in hand.

Aegnor looked back at his cousin only to see him smiling after her as she made her way back to the bar.

"She is a strong spirit," said Aegnor.

"She is perfect," added Carnistir. "She is both delicate and powerful, a mix of silk and iron. Soft enough to kiss when you seek tenderness and yet strong enough to take into battle when you need victory. I could never take anything from her against her will. I love her too much and her will is too strong."

Aegnor believed him.

Carnistir pulled his gaze away from the woman at the bar and looked at Aegnor.

"So," he said as he adjusted himself in his seat to face Aegnor fully, "what has she remembered?"

Aegnor shook his head and looked at his glass.

"Bits and pieces really. It is as if certain things seem to bring out memories. She becomes almost lost in the moments, as if dazed. But she knows. She has repeated conversations I have had with her when … with Andreth. She recognized my family crest, and her dreams …"

"Her dreams?" prompted Carnistir.

"Her dreams are dark," Aegnor continued, "her dreams are of death."

As Aegnor spoke, Carnistir leaned forward, his elbows on the table as his hands came together creating a steeple shape against his chin.

"Mmmm," he said, tapping his fingers against his lips, "those are the strongest then. The ones that have stayed with her the longest. The painful memories. As she continues to spend time with you more will come. And they will be stronger, vivid, and much clearer. And if you should ever work up the courage to create the bond, be prepared for it will be as if a door will open in her mind and could even overwhelm her. The flood of memories could drive her to madness."

"Maddness?" exclaimed Aegnor.

"I said could, not would," clarified Carnistir. "Her memories and dreams are dark, which tells me that those were the memories she held most on to in life. She continued to carry that pain to her death and beyond apparently." Carnistir studied Aegnor from over his fingertips. "Did something happen between the two of you, something that would cause her to carry this bitterness to her grave?"

"No I … no, I mean … I did not use her in some ill manner if that is what you are implying. I just … I did what I had to, what was called upon us to do. We were at war and we cannot … if I had had taken her to wife at that time I would have abandoned all that we had come to do, all who were depending on me. And not because she asked it of me but because I would need too. To keep her from harm, away from danger, because I loved her that much. I loved her enough that I was willing to abandon my own brothers, my own kin, to keep her safe! But in my heart I knew that she would never be safe because death would eventually take her regardless of my efforts, but … but not before it took me."

"So you broke her heart," Carnistir said matter-of-factly.

"That was never my intention," Aegnor spat angrily, "but yes, I broke her heart. I did what was necessary, what was right at the time. She was of Man, second born. Their gift is death. Am I supposed to sit and wait, to watch helplessly on the side as she ages and fades before me, unable to stop it? It would have been a torture for her as well. Not to mention the fact that I knew, I knew what was coming, what the future held for Angrod and I. I did not know exactly what would happen or how or even when, but I knew, in the darkness doom awaited. I did what I did to spare her."

"No. You did what you did to spare you, which is exactly what you are doing now."

Aegnor looked at Carnistir in all out shock and anger.

"You know nothing of –"

"Oh save your self-righteous indignation for someone else. You may tell yourself you did what you did to spare her but the truth of it is you did it to spare yourself the pain and because you were afraid of what would happen when you lost it, when you lost her. You loved her Aegnor. You loved a mortal woman doomed to die. You loved her so much you were willing to remain bodiless for eternity because you could not be with her. It frightened you. The fact that you could finally knowing pure unadulterated love only to have it snatched away by something you can never stop. The steady march of time. There is no shame in that Aegnor. The shame lay in the fact that you attempt to mask your fear out of some sense of duty that no longer exists."

At first Aegnor had felt rage so strong that he thought he may leap across the table, patrons be damned. The urge to strike his cousin was so strong he was not sure he would be able to control it. But as Carnistir spoke something within him seemed to waken, to knaw at his conscious, and Carnistir's words began to ring of truth. A horrible guilt ridden truth. Yes he did what he did out of duty and obligation to his family and station, but he also did it out of fear. The fear of watching her fade away only be left to wander the ages alone with no hope of ever seeing her again, to know bliss only to have it snatched away by the cruel and never-ending continuation of time. The terrible reality of knowing he would never be able to have those moments again and to face the world alone without her had been terrifying to him.

The rage had drained out of him along with his will to fight. He felt like a child.

Carnistir for his part said nothing. He did not look down at Aegnor in that imperious way of his and the haughty tone of voice he normally took on had been gone as he spoke. For some reason that only made Aegnor feel worse. Carnistir drank from his glass as he let his words sink in. When he finally did speak, his voice was surprisingly gentle.

"You have a banner with your family sigil?"

Aegnor looked at him surprised.

"Yes, I found it, around the start of the fifth age. Or perhaps late in the fourth, I am no longer sure."

"Mmm, the years do start to run together after a while. I have not come across anything like that since my return."

"Have you found anyone else?"

"No. You?"

"No … well, I thought I did once, during the Second World War. I heard a voice singing –"

"Makalaurië?" Carnistir sat up and leaned in.

"That was what I thought, but then it stopped and I heard no more."

"Pity," Carnistir said softly as he sat back. "Although it would not surprise me if it were him I suppose. There are many things left from Arda that still roam the far corners of this earth, and not all of them as fair as we."

"Really?"

"You know about the fires of London in the 1600's."

"Yes, I remember, what of them."

"Balrogs."

"What?!" It was Aegnor's turn to sit up in surprise this time. "Balrogs?!"

"Mmmhmm," Carnistir replied as he finished his drink, "Balrogs. Small ones, weakened with time and age, but still Balrogs. A Balrog was responsible for the fire in Chicago back in 1871 although I believe some old woman's cow took the blame. I hunted that one down myself."

"You, hunted down a Balrog," Aegnor scoffed incredulously.

"I said it was small and weakened, but yes, I hunted down a Balrog," Carnistir replied, his old familiar haughtiness returning.

Aegnor sat back in his chair and folded his arms across his chest with a little smile.

"Impressive."

"Not really," Carnistir shrugged, "it was more of a mercy killing to be honest."

"I did not realize that Morgoth's pets still roamed the earth."

"Why not? We do. I am surprised you have not noticed yourself. They are there in many myths and legends of Men. They go by different names now, dragons, banshees, and werewolves and so on. But there are still many things that remain hidden in the dark places of the world. I have made it a habit to dispatch them when I am able."

"How noble," Aegnor said giving his cousin a sideways glance.

"Yes it is, isn't it," agreed Carnistir, returning Aegnor's glance with a smirk of his own.

They sat in silence for several long moments, neither moving nor speaking. It was something they had all done in their youth, sitting in silent contemplation for hours at a time. It was soothing and peaceful, and hauntingly familiar. It was Aegnor who finally broke the silence.

"What shall I do then?" he whispered softly.

"I do not know Aegnor. What I do know is it will not be easy, for either of you and there will most certainly be pain. The question you must ask yourself know is, will it be worth it? And if so, will you be able to bear the price that must be paid, regardless of what the outcome will be? And there will be a price Aegnor. There will most certainly be a price."