Merlin had insisted that I take his bed, which I was not at all comfortable with. He was sleeping on the floor near Gaius, I couldn't imagine it being particularly comfortable. I tried to distract myself from the guilt by processing the day's events. It still didn't feel real, I doubted it ever would, I still prayed it was a dream. When Merlin and I had returned I showed Gaius my phone and he had believed me in an instant, he seemed much more concerned with the mechanics of it than Merlin was but that was unsurprising. From what little I knew of them I got the impression that Gaius was very wise and Merlin...well he was definitely less so. They had bombarded me with questions about the future and how I had got here, but quickly sensed my pain so stopped. Although Merlin still asked the odd question as we ate dinner, mainly about magic. He refused to believe that magic didn't exist, convinced that magic users had gone into hiding. He seemed genuinely distraught at the idea, but then I supposed that if someone told me that in a thousand years Muslims didn't exist I would probably be pretty heartbroken too. Gaius and I had bonded over our shared love of medicine, I told him that I studied it at university and we had an in depth discussion about medical advancements and the similarities to his current practices. Whereas at university I hated pharmacology, hearing him speak about the way he made his various medications was thrilling to me. We swiftly reached the agreement that I would be his apprentice (I would certainly do a better job than Merlin). It meant that I would be allowed my own room as well, which Gaius promised he would speak to Uther about tomorrow. Merlin was forced to change my bandages as Gaius and I sorted out the logistics, his immense boredom was extremely amusing to me. Morgana had come to see me in the evening and was pleasantly surprised to discover my plans for staying in Camelot. We sat and talked for a while. She probed me further on what had happened that led to me being chased, why I had been dressed so oddly, and what it was like back home. Lying to her pained me, but I recognised it was necessary. I hoped the day would come where I could tell her the truth, I felt such a strong connection with her and she struck me as incredibly kind. Eventually we had to say goodnight to each other though, and so now I was attempting to sleep in the room where it all started.
I tried to ignore the tears that had started to roll down my cheeks. I missed home incredibly, I just wanted to curl up in my own bed with a cup of tea and chat to Rupert. He was my rock, the only person who I felt solid with. He was the first person I came out too, the person I trusted with my entire heart and soul. I would tell him everything, and I missed his sarcastic commentary on my life. He'd have a field day with this. He would definitely mock me endlessly for wearing that ridiculous dress. And for finding literally every human gorgeous. I'd broken up with my girlfriend a few weeks ago. It was very much mutual and could not have been more pleasant, but I was still mourning the connection we had, even though it leaned more towards platonic than romantic. Rupert often said I fell in love differently than everyone else. I would fall so completely and so easily, without even the slightest hesitation. It would blind me entirely, I became utterly oblivious to the reality of the situation. He made me realise it was the result of an absent family, I now clung to any hint of affection. I would love to have him here, he could give me a serious telling off and let me know that the reason I found everyone so gorgeous was because I was terrified of being alone. Which I now was. As lovely as Merlin, Gaius and Morgana had been, they were strangers to me. I appreciated everything they had done, but it didn't stop the ache of despair. I felt completely hollow, as if my essence had been scooped out of me. I choked back sobs and tried to force myself to sleep. Eventually I exhausted myself from crying and drifted off into a painful sleep.
Merlin woke me the next morning by shaking me violently. I threw my pillow at him but in my sleep-deprived state my aim was completely off causing him to laugh mercilessly at me. I groaned in annoyance and buried my head under the covers,
"Go away and let me sleep, you're such a dick." He threw the pillow back at me, hitting me on the head. I huffed in annoyance as I got out of bed. "Will you fuck off now?"
"Now that's not a very nice way to treat the guy who gave you his bed..." he trailed off as he realised I was only wearing my hoodie which, unluckily for me, barely covered anything. He blushed as I glared at him to get out. "Alright I am going to fuck off now, but Gaius wants you to know he needs you to be ready to see King Uther in ten minutes."
"What?" I screeched. "There is no way I'm gonna be ready in ten minutes!" But Merlin had already ran out of the room. I quickly tried to make myself presentable. I threw a dress on, and tried to brush my hair with my fingers. I didn't have a mirror but I felt like I looked ridiculous. I stormed out of my room ready to murder Merlin for waking me up so late. He laughed as I entered the room.
"What is going on with your hair?" I pulled a face and stuffed some bread in my mouth, very aware of how little time I had before seeing the King.
"Shut up I didn't have time to do anything to it." He smiled widely at me and my annoyance grew. This was entirely his fault, I didn't even have time to shower.
"Sit down, I'll fix it for you." I looked at him like he'd grown a second head.
"And what exactly would you know about doing hair, Merlin?" He placed his hands on my shoulders and semi-forced me to sit down. He muttered something and I felt my hair move of it's own accord. I screamed, immediately standing up and reaching my hands to my head as a way to figure out what had happened. My hair felt...soft, and like it had been braided. "What did you do?"
"It's just a spell, I used to help my mother with her hair." I was in awe. This was the first time I had seen magic, it was incredible. I felt so overwhelmed, both at the fact that something as crazy as magic existed and that Merlin had been kind enough to use his to help me.
"Thank you, it's amazing." He smiled brightly at me and I enthusiastically returned it. There was more that I wanted to say but couldn't verbalise. That he was so incredibly talented, and that the crime was not his magic but the fact that it could not be celebrated. I could not imagine how difficult it must be to work for the Prince and have to keep such a large part of his identity a secret. I could relate somewhat as being closeted for most of my life had also been draining, but luckily I had never faced death for my sexuality, although I recognised that this was a reality many people faced. I was still unsure as to whether or not homosexuality was a crime in Camelot, but I was hesitant to find out.
"Ready to go?" Gaius' voice snapped me out of my thoughts. I nodded and followed him to the throne room, still disappointed that I hadn't said more to Merlin. Gaius paused outside the door, he appeared concerned.
"I shall do most of the talking, Uther should accept what I propose...but in case he does not know that you are always welcome to come by. I do enjoy your company." I smiled widely at him and pulled him into a hug, despite having known him for only a day we had bonded so much. He felt more like a father than my own.
"Thank you Gaius, I really appreciate that." We shared a smile before he pushed the doors open and we walked in. I tried to exude as much confidence as possible, praying that Uther would agree to let me stay. Staying with Merlin and Gaius was the only place I felt safe. Morgana was the first person I saw when I walked in, and she gave a small nod as a means of recognition, which gave me butterflies. I was once again struck with how beautiful she was. I let my eyes roam the room and saw Uther sat on the throne and next to him...I quickly looked away and avoided his eyes. It seemed it was in fact Prince Arthur who I bumped into yesterday, I forced my eyes to the floor. At this particular moment I wouldn't have minded if the world had decided to swallow me up. I noticed Gaius had bowed so I clumsily curtsied as well.
"Your Highness, this is Tasneem, I wish to make her my new apprentice. She has great interest in healing and I believe she will be an excellent replacement for me when the time comes." The kind compliment made it impossible to hide my grin, I looked up at Uther expectantly.
"You have good judgement Gaius, I will approve this." I smiled even wider and looked over to Morgana whose smile seemed to match mine.
"May I request that she have her own room? I'm sure that you understand that she cannot share my chambers Your Highness." Uther nodded, seeming to be in thought.
"There is a room near me," My eyes were drawn to Morgana as she spoke, trying to settle down my nerves at the thought of living close to her, "it should be appropriate."
"Yes, that will do. Does that settle everything Gaius?" His professional nod cemented my fate. I was struggling to contain my excitement as we left the room. The moment the doors closed behind us I screamed and hugged Gaius. He seemed shocked by my actions as he tentatively returned the hug.
"Thank you Gaius, it means a lot that you did that for me. I know I have not been here long but I'm really glad I've met you. I don't know what I'd have done if you hadn't taken me under your wing." His small smile was enough for me to know that he appreciated what I had said. I was shown into my new room and moved what few possessions I had (basically just the dresses and some other bits and bobs Gaius had given me for day to day life) into it. I was resting in my bed when I heard a knock on the door. Thinking it may be Morgana I rushed to answer it. If only I could have been so lucky.
"I believe you have something that belongs to me." I blushed as Prince Arthur looked down on me. I fought the urge to close the door and pretend I'd never seen him. I straightened my shoulders as a means of pseudo-confidence and proceeded to try and pretend that I wasn't an embarrassed disaster.
"It was never yours, you just had it momentarily." His smirk gave me a mini meltdown and I tried to remain cool.
"I was not referring to that." My cheeks turned tomato red as I realised he meant the kiss.I avoided his eyes, conscious of the fact that I may end up lost in them.
"Well considering it wasn't yours to trade with I reckon the trade off doesn't count." His scoff caused me to meet his eyes and I immediately regretted it. His eyes were so pretty. Damn it. "I'm sorry I have to go someone's calling me."
"Wha-" I slammed the door and locked it, rushing to the other side of the room as a weird attempt to distance myself from the situation. He knocked on the door again, this time I definitely didn't answer. "I know you are the only one in there." I remained quiet hoping that he'd think I somehow just disappeared. He knocked a few more times but eventually I heard him leave. I breathed a sigh of relief and flopped down onto my bed. I hoped that was the last time I ever saw him, although considering I was going to be stuck in this castle for the foreseeable future that seemed unlikely. I decided it would be best to distract myself by helping Gaius so left to see if I could assist in any way.
Gaius didn't seem to be around when I arrived, but Merlin was there polishing what I presumed were Arthur's boots. I flopped down next to him, "So I bumped into Arthur." I could tell he was intrigued to find out what happened, "Turns out you were right, it was him I almost kissed. He seems to be under the impression I still owe him one." Merlin snorted at that, I was glad to be joking about this with him.
"Yes well he is a prat so that does not surprise me." We laughed together, it felt nice to not have my head so caught up with missing home. I noticed I felt a bit lighter when I was around him.
"I wanted to say a proper thank you for before," he looked over at me quizzically, "don't get me wrong you're still a dick for waking me up late," I rolled my eyes at his cheeky grin, "but it was kind of you to help me with my hair. I can't imagine what you go through, and allowing me the privilege of seeing that side of you means a lot." Merlin appeared to have frozen in front of me. I bit my lip anxiously, scared I had said something wrong. I knew very little about magic and I didn't want to have accidentally insulted him.
"No one has described it as a privilege before," the softness of his voice broke my heart. The pain in his face was clear, in that moment I could see his daily internal struggle. I took his hand in mine and squeezed it gently.
"It most definitely is a privilege. I admit I don't know much about what you can do, but from the myths I know you're incredibly talented. No pressure, of course. But it genuinely amazes me that you have such a unique skill. It's wonderful, really. And I hope one day you'll be free to show Arthur, and the world, how amazing you really are." His eyes were unreadable, but he seemed mildly distressed. I hoped that I hadn't crossed a line by being so open when we were practically strangers. I had a tendency to be too intense, and if I had ruined our relationship by forgetting the boundaries I would be forever saddened.
"Thank you." I could barely hear it as his voice was so low. I pulled him into a hug, which was awkward seeing as we were sat next to each other, but I felt it necessary. We held on to each other tightly for a moment before being interrupted.
"Merlin, where are you?" We jumped apart at Arthur's voice. There was something unreadable in his face as his eyes found us. I was sure he had seen us hugging and averted my eyes to the floor. I was not usually this timid, but I was terrified that if I got on his bad side I'd be in trouble. And I had no idea how to appropriately act in front of a royal.
"I'm coming." Merlin quickly got up, shooting me a smile before he left. I felt Arthur's eyes on me the entire time but kept my eyes stuck to Merlin, waving him goodbye as he left. I was glad when they both left and started reading a book on the different medicinal uses for flowers as I waited for Gaius.