I settled into a steady rhythm over the next few weeks. I'd spend the majority of time collaborating with Gaius, with our shared experiences we usually found solutions. I certainly enjoyed it more than I had back home, I quickly was introduced to a significant proportion of Camelot and enjoyed getting to know everyone. Gaius also taught me how to make some of his medicines, and while I found it tricky to remember what everything was I was slowly getting the hang of it. Whenever I had a break I would seek out Merlin, occasionally helping with some of the tasks Arthur had given him. Spending time with him was the best part of my day, we'd joke together (mainly about Arthur being a dick) and I'd tell him stories about the future and my life. Sometimes he'd showme some of his magic, and I usually managed to convince him to do my hair in all sorts of wacky styles. Arthur once walked in on us joking after he'd put my hair in a faux mohawk, it was one of the more entertaining days I'd had. Arthur had noticed the growing closeness between Merlin and I, thankfully that meant we didn't interact much. I felt like myself around Merlin, and he quickly became a close friend to me. Some evenings I would see Morgana, she was usually very busy so I tried not to disturb her too much. We shared a deep connection, often talking about our insecurities and inner conflicts. I found it odd to have formed such an intense relationship with her so quickly, but our openness with each other was refreshing. She even told me that she had overheard that Uther was her father, the news was certainly shocking and she was having difficulty processing the news. She confided that she'd thought about killing him, and had been part of a plan to do so, her guilt was painful to see. I tried to comfort her as best as I could, but it was clear the situation weighed on her greatly. I wished I could be more honest with her about who I was seeing as she had been so truthful with me, but the dangers were too high. We still appreciated each other's company, and I tried to ignore my growing feelings for her as I valued our friendship. It was nice to have formed such strong connections during my short stay, it lessened my home sickness significantly. I still thought about those I loved a lot, but gradually I started accepting that this was to be my life. That was until a walk in the woods with Merlin gave me hope.

"Do you want to go back home?" Merlin's question shocked me, I had been trying to think positively of the future and forget my life back home.

"Of course, it's my home." Even though I frequently talked about the future to Merlin very little of it concerned my personal life. It was too painful and whenever I tried I tended to become withdrawn. "There's a lot of people I love there. Plus it'd be nice to get back and watch some of my favourite shows." My attempt to lighten the mood only made him frown. I sensed his frustration that I struggled to open up to him in the same way that I had with Morgana. He had seen us talking a few times and noted that our conversations were far more serious and emotional, perhaps he wanted to know that side of me.

"I think it was magic that brought you here. And if that is the case then perhaps it could take you back...if that is what you want." I attempted not to overreact, Merlin was talented but this surely was too much for him and I did not want him to be responsible for my fate. I had such certainty that I was never going to go home, his suggestion that it might be possible was threatening what little emotional stability I had worked towards over the past few weeks.

"Merlin, I would love to go back, it's probably the only thing I want. But I wouldn't want to give you an impossible task." There was a disappointment in his eyes.

"I think I could do it." I placed my hand on his arm to reassure him.

"It's not that I doubt that you could, Merlin. If anyone could it would be you but it's just..."

"Tasneem, I understand." I appreciated him giving me the opportunity to end the conversation when he sensed my hesitation. But in that moment I wanted to open up to him. His friendship meant a lot to me, he deserved for me to honest with him.

"You don't. I can't go through the rest of my life here hoping I can get back home. It's too painful. I miss it so much, I'm constantly mourning the people I lost, and the person I was." My throat ached as I tried to hold back my tears, this was the first time I'd opened up to anyone about the emotional turmoil I was going through.

"The person you were?" I recognised this as my opportunity to come out to Merlin, but I was terrified he would reject me. I hated being vulnerable like this. I knew I could trust him, but part of me believed that he would be disgusted by my just like my family had.

"I feel like being here I've lost my voice. I was a lot more confident back home, I was proud of my identity. I struggled a lot growing up, my family was very strict and I could never be myself. I always felt ashamed...of my body, of how I acted, of who I was. It took me a long time to accept my identity and get to the point where looking in the mirror didn't disgust me. And being here...it's like I'm in the closet all over again. Merlin...I'm bisexual...as in I like men and women. And back home I was free to say that and be happy and proud, and here it feels like it's something to be ashamed of again. And I know that it's not as difficult as having to hide your magic but-"

Merlin pulled me into a strong hug. I allowed myself to feel safe in his arms, glad to be accepted by him.

"I am sorry if you felt like you had to hide from me. I have been hiding my whole life, I know it's hard." He pulled away, giving me a small smile. In that moment I had the overwhelming urge to kiss him. My small crush had suddenly grown to one of gigantic proportions. It was all too much, he was too close, too kind. I desperately wanted to be near him but knew that that was not wise. I took a step back and tried to get control of my emotions again.

"Thank you Merlin." I fiddled with the sleeves of my dress hoping it would distract me from how attractive I found him.

"We should be getting back, I still have to clean Arthur's armour before we go find the Questing Beast." He started walking back towards the castle, I was glad for the change of topic.

"Surely one day he'll run out of things for you to do."

"I doubt it, he seems intent on making sure I'm always busy ever since a certain someone arrived," I snorted, he always joked that Arthur had a crush on me but I found the idea completely ludicrous. Arthur didn't even know me, "he asks about you, he seems to want to know everything about you." I rolled my eyes at that.

"You're being ridiculous."

"I am not. Seriously, I don't think anyone has ever rejected him before. He has it bad for you." Even though I knew Merlin was one the greatest sorcerers in history at times I was definitely convinced he had at best three working brain cells. "But then you have it bad for Morgana so it would never work." My jaw dropped, I had no idea he knew.

"That's not true." But my blushing betrayed me, his merciless laugh was not amusing in the slightest.

"I think you would be a cute couple, certainly cuter than you and Arthur." I hit him on his arm playfully. Unfortunately, it took Merlin by surprise and he ended up sipping and falling into the stream we were walking by.

"Oh my gosh I'm so sorry. Are you ok?" His grumpy expression made me laugh, he slipped as he tried to get up and soon I was doubled over from laughter, tears streaming from my eyes.

"You won't be laughing in a minute." He attempted to splash some water on me but I skilfully dodged him, sticking my tongue out at him in celebration. However, that did not deter him and he ran out of the stream attempting to hug me and get me soaked. I shrieked as he came towards me and ran as fast as I could back to the castle. Thankfully, the weight of his wet clothes slowed him down and I managed to outrun him. We laughed as I darted in different directions whilst trying to avoid him. Eventually we made it back to the castle. I was out of breath from running so far, I looked wearily around me convinced that I had lost him. Suddenly someone grabbed me by the waist and pulled me into a room. I screamed before realising it was Merlin. He had his arms wrapped tightly around me and wouldn't let me go despite my struggles.

"Ok, ok you win. Oh God I'm soaked." He laughed evilly and I glared at him, but soon enough I was laughing along with him. I let myself relax in his arms, well as relaxed as I could be. My heart was beating fast at being so close to him, but I tried to enjoy the feeling. "This is just like the first day we met."

"Hopefully you're not scared of me this time." I snorted at the idea of finding Merlin scary, he was honestly the least fear-inducing person I'd ever met.

"Merlin, you're many things but scary isn't one of them."

"Pfft. Then what am I?" I met his eyes. My heart was beating like crazy. I suddenly felt very hot, I was sure I must have been blushing.

"You're kind, and funny, and...I think you're amazing." I was very aware of how close we were, and how much I felt like kissing him. Suddenly the door opened and we jumped apart.

"Merlin, what are you doing?" Arthur looked suspiciously at the two of us.

"It's not what it looks like-" I started before being interrupted.

"We're leaving in half an hour, you need to put my armour on." Merlin appeared flustered and I kicked myself for letting this happen.

"Yes, I'll get right to that."

"Good." Arthur looked over at me before leaving.

"Right so I should probably go get his armour." Merlin started to leave, avoiding my eyes.

"Yeah, erm, good idea, I'm just gonna-" The door closed behind him and I sighed in frustration. I'd obviously made things awkward, I was such an idiot.