Disclaimer: I do not own the Walking Dead franchise or its characters. Any unrecognized plot or characters are mine.

is That A. . . .?

My sleep was broken and filled with mixed dreams.

When I rose for the day I felt like I'd hardly rested at all.

A part of me was glad that I'd gotten the story of my sons patronage over with and now I didn't have to hide it anymore. On the other hand, I wouldn't be able to stand the pitying expressions from Rick's group much longer.

I sighed and finished my bathroom routine, heading slowly down to breakfast.

The smell of cooking meat assaulted my nose and I quickly covered my nose, gagging.

I was beyond ready to stop feeling nausea every time someone cooked sausage, chicken, ham, or deer.

I accepted the plate Patricia offered me and took it outside. Today's special was two lightly seasoned chicken patties, three eggs sunny side up and two slices of plain toast.

I looked out over the farm as I tucked into my food. I loved the view of the yard and the fields around the property. I wished, not for the first time since the world went to the dead, that things had been different. I wished that Willy had been able to buy the farm we dreamed of and moved us into the beautiful farmhouse on the property.

Halfway through breakfast, I noticed the tension and strained conversations from different members of Rick's group. Mainly the focus of the tension was Rick himself, Lori and that asshole Shane.

Was that my fault? I hadn't seen them like this before I told the group about my story.

Shane has been worse since our first encounter. He and Rick have butted heads more than a few times since their arrival. I feel that soon all the friction over the week will reach a boiling point and a line will be crossed that no one can come back from.

I wasn't sure where Daryl stood in all this.

He hadn't spoken to me since he'd showed up at the bonfire, chewed the groups ass and then told me in no uncertain terms that what happened that night wasn't my fault.

I appreciated his support last night, more than I can say, but he was still very closed off.

Speaking of the gruff hunter, Daryl had moved back into his tent for the remainder of his recovery.

I was pleasantly surprised to see that Carl was out of bed as well and outside feeding chickens under the watchful eye of his mother. His color was better than had been last reported, so that's a good sign.

He was officially up and on the mend.

My eyes caught sight of Willy talking to Rick and Glenn, their faces grave. I didn't like that Willy had that look.

It never bode well.

I brushed the bad feeling away for now, carefully standing and brushing the dust off the back of my dress before taking my dishes inside. Patricia was cleaning up, and bless her heart, she'd thought to open a window to let the kitchen air out while I did my chores.

I squeezed her shoulder in thanks and grabbed the thermos of ice water she had ready for me. "I'm gonna go walk laps after chores, so don't send the cavalry If I'm not back in before lunch."

"I'll have Beth or Maggie bring you a fresh thermos before you go. You shouldn't walk laps in this heat without at least one." Patricia reminded me softly.

"Thank you, Patricia." I waved and made my way to the garden.

I liked working in the gardens. I was able to be helpful and pull some of my very considerable weight. Both were great news for me since I hated feeling like a useless burden.

I let my mind drift while I worked, humming contentedly.

A lullaby Willy's mother used to sing me popped into my mind, making me smile.

I had terrible nightmares so I was afraid to go to bed, often forcing myself to stay awake and would pass out at random times during the day. A week after Willy's mother took me in, she found out about what I had been doing and why. She started to sing me to sleep and when I had bad flashbacks.

I really missed her.

"What is that?" A small voice asked from behind me.

"Something my mother sang to me when I was young." I told him, setting my tools to the side so that I could stand for a break. "It was the greatest song in the whole world back then, or so I thought."

I stood and turned to face my young visitor. I watched in amusement as Carl's eyes widened when he saw my belly.

"You're pregnant?" He asked, curious and surprised.

"I am." I answered, smiling.

He watched my face, eyes narrowed like he was trying to figure out if I was okay to be around.

Smart kid. Sad that it was necessary, but smart. You will survive this world, yet, Carl Grimes.

"You're the lady my mom told me about." He said finally, the stare down ending as swiftly as it had begun. "No one knows much about you. Dad said you're not in Hershel's family, but you stay in the house with them."

"I do." It was refreshing, the candidness of a child after the delicate run around adults gave me some days.

"Why? You're not his daughter or his wife, or even a family friend." He asked, pale blue eyes narrowed at me curiously.

I mulled over my response for a moment, going over phrases in my head that he might understand.

I needn't have bothered. I didn't get the chance to reply.

"Carl, I see you've met Abilene. Are you done with your chores?" Rick asked, running a hand through his sons hair.

The boy nodded, grinning at his father.

Something sharp twisted in my chest.

Rick said something softly to Carl and the boy ran back to camp, probably to his mother. Once his son was out of hearing range, he turned to me.

"I'm glad your boy is doing better." I offered honestly, smiling at him.

"Thank you." He replied, voice a little hoarse.

"You don't have to thank me, it's the truth." I dismissed his thanks with a wave of my hand.

"All the same, thank you." He said, looking down at the ground a moment and placing his hands on his hips kicking up a little dirt. "I'm sorry about what happened to you, what that monster did. It was horrible and no child should endure that from their parent."

I shook my head.

"Antoni Treskov and Emilia Sanovich may have created me, but the Pickens are my parents. They gave me a home, a family, love. Antoni and Emilia never gave me any of those things. The Pickens loved me until the day they died." I smiled sadly at Rick, tears pricking my eyes. "You are a good man, Rick Grimes. You have a good soul and you help everyone, even those that are thought to be unable to be saved. You have nothing to be sorry for. You did nothing to me that warrants the need for forgiveness."

The man winced at the sight of my tears. "I made you cry."

"The memory of people I love is a bittersweet one." I countered, wiping my cheeks. "The two year anniversary is in a month."

He nodded, reading my body language properly. "I'll leave you to your chores."

I glanced at the position of the sun. I had been out for almost an hour.

Willy came to find me soon after Rick left. "We need ta talk, inside."

I frowned, following my unusually grim and vague brother into the house. He stayed silent, leading me up the stairs and into my bedroom, constantly scanning like he was keeping a lookout for walkers. Or eavesdroppers.

He waited just inside the doorway for me to pass him.

"Willy, you're scaring me." I whispered when he closed the door behind me.

That he would go to these extremes set off warning bells. He had been pretty open and relaxed around the Greene family for two weeks now. What had changed?

"I went on an incognito run inta town today, ta see if anyone left any signs or messages next to ours. Before ya panic or give me a lecture, yer gonna wanna see this." He added the last part in a hurry, correctly stopping me from doing just that. He reached into his front jeans pocket and drew out a rolled up handkerchief. "I found this."

My blood froze when I saw what Willy held.

There, nestled innocently on the worn and slightly stained handkerchief, was a human finger. Clearly a man's from the size and build.

"Was there anything else?" I asked shakily, afraid of the answer.

"This," he answered, reaching into his back pocket. He handed the paper to me.

A familiar symbol stared up at me from the battered textbook page. A set of four smaller symbols followed it, each was written in what looked like long dead and dried walker blood or coal.

Highway, green mailbox, fence, house and a barn.

I swallowed, staring at the symbols, the message clear.

I know where you are.

"I-I need to-" I broke off, shoving the paper back at him and turning for the door. I needed air and space, I needed to be outside right now.

I needed to think.

I shoved hard at the front door, gulping in the fresh air and trying to calm my racing heart. Shit! Shit, shit, fucking shit! Okay, breathe, you're okay. We're fine, it's fine, we're fine. Don't panic, we can figure this out.

I glanced at the position of the sun.

It wasn't noon yet.

Fuck chores, I need to walk now. It was actually a really good time to go walking.

The heat was acceptable, there had been no sightings, the day was young and I still had plenty of water in my thermos. Now was as good a time as I would probably get to walk my laps.

I would walk around the edges of the fence all around the property, steering clear of the barn and pasture.

My path decided, I donned my satchel with my thermos and set off for my first lap.

Rick's group was spread out more today, I noticed. Dale and T-Dog were walking to an area further away from the farm with water buckets.

Maggie must have told then that they can use the well out that way. To my knowledge, it wasn't being used for the cattle or us at the moment. One of the other wells was boarded up, I didn't ask why.

Not long after Dale and T-Dog left for the well, Dale came back in a hurry and the next trip to the well was with more members of the group. I could see that Lori, Shane, and Glenn were among them.

I shrugged and continued walking. Not my business.

I had enough to think about.

I was halfway through my second lap around the property when a commotion started in Dale's direction.

I turned to see what caused it, as I did, I noticed a familiar small form wearing a sheriff's hat slink off toward the woods. No one yelled after him, no one raised the alarm. No one did anything at all. No one saw him.

What was Carl thinking?! There were Walkers crawling all over the woods! He could get lost, or worse!

I turned to the group at the well. They were too far away to walk over to warn and have them here before Carl got lost or hurt.

Shouting started, the commotion at the well escalating.

"Lori!" I called, I had little hope I'd be heard over the clamor, but I had to try.

Movement, yelling, but no acknowledgement.

"Lori! Lori!" I shouted, waving my arms. "Over here! Lori!"

Nothing.

I huffed in frustration, as I expected, they couldn't hear me.

I bit my lip, glancing between the well and the woods weighing the risks as well as options. I had no choice, I didn't know where Rick was, Lori couldn't hear me and I was closest so I could grab Carl then get out in under ten minutes.

With a defeated sigh, I made my way toward the woods as fast as I could safely.

I glanced comprehensively around me, keeping watch for Walkers. I had caught clear prints for Carl and I was following them further into the trees.

A look up told me that I'd been out here longer than I'd planned. The sun was higher in the sky now, creeping closer to noon.

I frowned when I checked the ground again. The tracks had become more difficult to make out, they weren't as clear as they had been before and I wasn't experienced enough to read them correctly.

Great. Just my luck. I thought miserably.

I couldn't just give up though. So. . .I made a guess with what I could see.

I turned right and kept walking.

Trees, leaves, nature and more nature. No sign of children or anything vaguely humanoid.

"Carl?" I called softly, careful to keep my voice low. "Carl?"

My feet were really starting to bother me and my back was killing me. I'd have to find somewhere safe to rest before long. This kid had a head start and I wasn't in great shape even with the running required these days.

A twig snapped nearby and I jumped, my heartbeat picking up.

"Carl?" I whispered hopefully.

My other option was rather unfavorable. I fingered the palm sized pocket knife Willy insisted I carry with me since the Shane incident. It soothed my nerves somewhat that I had a weapon, small and easily lost as it may be.

Squinting, I searched the area and noticed something weird about what I had dismissed as overgrown brush.

The smell hit me first, floating to me on the breeze. Blood, rotting meat, waste.

A carcass, an animal I couldn't identify. Torn and bloody, a meal for a walker. How recently, was a question that concerned me as much as finding Carl. I ducked low, scanning the trees and brush around me, listening.

Low moans, faint, at least a few feet away.

I backed up as slow and quiet as I could, it hadn't noticed me yet. The wind blew it's stink to me, not my scent to her. A red haired middle aged woman in a tattered business suit and missing a heel hobbled along the grass. She had a severely broken ankle, an obvious bite wound on her arm, but no other injuries.

My heart pounded in my ears, adrenaline giving me a shot of energy. I kept my eyes on her, not leaving her for a second as I retreated.

Maybe, if my luck held, I could turn and run once I'd cleared another foot or so.

My luck was a damn joke.

I stepped on a twig, of course I did, and of course the walker heard it. She zoned in on me with laser focus, her steps quickening and her growls growing louder. Her milky eyes locked on me, mouth working furiously to catch any part of me between her nasty teeth.

Knife clenching in hand, I tucked tail and ran.

I ran as fast as I dared, ears straining over the sound of my blood rushing through them for the walker.

I ran until I felt safe enough to stop.

I dropped against a tall, thick trunk. I struggled to breathe normally, gasping for great lung fulls of air. The urge to cry overwhelmed me for a minute, but I tamped it down. I stared up at the sky for a while, letting the familiar sight distract and soothe me. The sun was higher, two fingers breadth higher from the last time I checked.

I dusted myself off, took a swig of water-thankfully I didn't lose it during my running-and started again.

I retraced my steps, keeping careful watch for signs of Walkers and Carl.

I wasn't seeing either.

The sun was climbing higher, the heat rising with it. I'd drained most of my water, and I was tiring. I still hadn't caught sight of Carl by the time I crossed the tree line. I did have to kill a few walkers, but they were easy targets, scattered. I could only hope that the young boy had made his own way back to the farm unharmed.

The alternative was unthinkable.

I staggered through the large yard. There was a large commotion at the camp, panicked voices shouting many things and several bodies running.

I almost cried in relief when I saw Carl among them.

"Abilene?!" Willy screamed, panic lacing his voice as he ran. "Abilene?! Where are ya?!"

Another voice, I'm almost positive was Shane's, was calling for him to be quiet.

Guilt at my brother's panic ate at me. I wanted to ease his fears, let him know I was safe and home.

"I'm here!" I shouted back, waving.

Thundering footsteps approached, the mass of bodies running to greet me.

Willy pulled ahead of the crowd, yanking me into a hug as soon as I was in arm's reach. He pushed back, his face turning a dark red. "What the hell were ya thinkin'?! Going off on yer own in yer condition! Ya know better'n that!"

"I saw Carl go in the woods and you were too far away. I called for Lori but she couldn't hear me, something was going on at the well." I stopped my explanation when he just continued to glare at me. "I'm sorry."

His face crumbled, making my heart twist sharply.

"Do ya have any idea what I would do if I lost ya?" He asked me, his voice thick and breaking in the last bit.

Guilt swarmed me.

I hadn't told him where I was going or what I was doing. He didn't know where I was, for hours. In this world, that meant death or worse.

Our moment was ruined by the pounding of feet.

The group had caught up to us.

I took a deep breath and prepared myself to face the music, so to speak.

"What happened?" Rick asked, taking point.

I glanced at Carl, tucked safe and sound between his parents. "I saw Carl go into the woods and when I yelled for Lori. Something was happening at the well, she couldn't hear me, so I went in after him to bring him back."

Lori stiffened, her hold on Carl tightening. Her mouth opened to say something back, probably an angry retort about what I was implying.

Rick shook his head at her, expression worn. "We'll talk about this later."

"Is that blood?" Glenn asked, breaking the more awkward family moment.

I'd shifted, my knife hand visible and a splatter of blood on my jeans.

I bit my lip, nodding. "I killed a few walkers. I'm fine, they didn't get close enough to do any harm."

Shuffling, uneasy murmurs from Rick's people. Willy's eyes blazed with worry and anger.

"How far in were you? Do we need to increase patrols?" Rick asked, hands on his hips and gaze steady.

I didn't really have a way to keep track of how long I'd been walking. All I knew for certain was how tired, thirsty and achy I was the whole time I walked back.

Those things hadn't changed a bit. I swayed, struggling to focus on my answer.

"I don't know how far in I went, but I'm guessing I walked about an hour or so." I answered, feeling like I should have been keeping track better and had better answers.

Mostly wishing I could lay down at this moment.

"That's enough for now." Willy interrupted firmly, face and tone daring them to disagree. "Abilene can answer yer questions later, after she's been hydrated an' rested a minimum of two hours."

I was thankful.

Almost all the faces in the group were guilty and apologetic. The exception was Shane, who had a calculating look in his eyes and a frustrated expression.

Willy led me past the group, his arm around my shoulder leaning me against him so he took a good portion of my weight and stabilized my tired, aching body.

"Don't think I've forgotten that I'm angry about ya walking through Walker infested woods in yer condition." Willy informed me as he helped me inside. "I'm takin' my own advice an' talkin' ta ya about it later because yer in no condition to be yelled at right now."

I nodded, knowing he was right.

I did something incredibly stupid and he had a right to be angry.

"What's all the commotion?" Patricia asked, coming from the living room. Her eyes widened when she saw Willy supporting me as he helped me through the house. "What happened?

"Rick's boy went off into the woods alone. What happened was Abilene decided ta take a long walk through the woods, try ta track him down, by herself." Willy replied, not pausing or slowing down. "I'm taking her to rest. She should have a fresh glass of ice water, she's probably dehydrated."

"I'll get it for you." Patricia offered, immediately walking back into the kitchen.

I struggled with the stairs, even with Willy's assistance, but I finally made it to my room.

He faced the wall while I changed into my yoga pants. The blood was cleaned from my skin with a damp cloth. I sank down onto my bed gratefully, letting him take the shoes off my feet. The moment he started to rub them, I knew he wasn't going to yell right now. Knowing him, he was going to wait until I had been taken care of and rested before he let me see how upset he really was about what I had done.

Patricia came up with two glasses of fresh ice water and two shredded chicken sandwiches on a tray. She set the tray on the bed side table, handing me a glass of ice water.

"Thank you." I murmured, drinking the cold water greedily.

"You rest up now, dear." She replied, patting the hand laying on the bed and leaving the room.

Willy drank a few sips from the second glass while he waited for me to finish eating, but left the majority of the water for me. He didn't even attempt to touch the sandwich, seating himself in the chair near the window.

I decimated the first sandwich within five minutes. It was delicious.

I wanted more.

I turned my head to the bedside table and frowned at the second plate, positioned furthest from me on the other side of the tray.

Why did it have to be so far away? I whined in my head.

My brother, bless his selfless soul, noticed my dilemma. He immediately and without a second thought crossed the room to hand me the remaining chicken sandwich.

I accepted it gratefully, devouring it.

When I had eaten and drank my fill, he replaced the plates and empty glasses on the tray.

"Sleep." Willy urged me softly, backing out of the door with the tray. silence, pondering the grim truth of my words.