Spongebob Patrick Do Blockbuster; A Spongebob Story: Patrick Goes Bananas
(The crew all at the store)
Shadow: spongebob, did you see Patrick this morning?
Spongebob: nah, he wasn't outside when I left this morning.
Amanda: who knows what happened to him
(Patrick walks into the store)
Patrick: holy shit guys last night was fucking wild
Chris: what occurred ?
Patrick: well, after driving past your house yesterday, David told me some interesting news and then I drive past shadows house and guess fucking what? Yeah, you all know
Amanda: sorry you were being a dick
Spongebob: so what the fuck happened?
Patrick: all right, so I roll a blunt in My car, blast the fuck out of korns self titled and L ride to West bikini bottom deli, ya know like I've been doing since I was 15. So I'm doing like 117 or some shit and a cop pulls me over. At this point, I know I'm fucked, so I might as well just smoke as much of the blunt as I can before I get fucked lol. So I take a few huge hits and the cop approached my window and I open it and after a cloud of smoke tingles his mustache, he asks if I was smoking. I said yes cuz I'm already fucked and I resisted arrest and blasted korn and officer pig fucker pulls me out and cuffs me and I spent a night in a jail cell, Jake totally bailed me out cuz of a favor from when we went to the freedom rally. I have 120 hours of community service, a $5,000 fine and surprise drug testing until I pay my dues. It's total crap
Chris: what did you get fucked for?
Patrick: possession, speeding and resisting arrest. Total seahorse shit
Shadow: someone had it coming to them
Patrick: yeah, whatever. Community service will be cool. Me and my boy Georgie linked up yesterday in the jail cell and we are going to the foo fighters show tonight. Come through, guys it's general admission
Chris: Georgie Destefano, the kid from high school who choked his brother to death?
Patrick: ok, he allegedly did that
Spongebob: well, regardless his brother is dead and it could be at the hands of him
Patrick: why do you think so lowly of people?
Spongebob: dude, he was a dick in high school. We only partied and took pills with him, if you remember
Patrick: whatever. Flats is coming too
Chris: oh my god flats?
Patrick: yeah, my buddy from community college
Spongebob: whatever, pat
Patrick: do you guys wanna see the foos or what?
Shadow: nah
Amanda: I'm with shadow.
Chris: I'll go. I love the foos
Spongebob: I've got some reading to catch up on
Chris: yo I'm hyped now.
Patrick: yeah, do you have loud? The asshole cop took my chronic
Chris; nah, we killed that 8th yesterday
Patrick: don't worry, we can pickup. Me and Georgie are gonna pick up flats at around 5, we'll grab you too
Shadow: looks like you guys are in for a night
(Judd Nelson bursts in)
Judd Nelson: sup guys
Amanda: Judd!
Spongebob: where have you been, dude?
Judd Nelson: I've been busy with the filming of suddenly Susan
Chris: what's that?
Judd Nelson: the show I'm in
Amanda: you're currently on a show?
Judd Nelson: yep. Suddenly Susan, I play Jack Richmond
Shadow: I've never heard of it
Judd Nelson: yeah. We were a hit in season 1 but nobody gives a shit. I'm surprised season 4 is even happening. Literally no one watches this show. It's on NBC, so that explains it. The only reason I'm on it is because they said I was "too old" when they considered me for the role of Xander in Buffy the vampire slayer. So I auditioned for suddenly Susan instead
Spongebob: good, you dodged a bullet. Xander is objectivity the worst character on the show. He literally does nothing, the gang would be so much better without him. I mean at least willow starts practicing witchcraft
Patrick: he's also not funny in the slightest. His "jokes" are some of the worst lines in the series. Still a pretty good show, I need something to watch after the next generation ended
Amanda: Patrick, Star Trek tng ended like 5 years ago
Patrick: and when Picard played the flute to find peace in the life he was living within his own left a timeless impact. But I guess it's cool when Buffy goes ham. She's a little op, decent protagonist tho.
Judd Nelson: I'm just happy to be working again. I never liked Brooke shields, always thought blue lagoon was overrated. But we got close on suddenly Susan
Shadow: nice to hear
Amanda: you guys know that Brooke shields was 14 when they filmed blue lagoon? Kinda weird, her tits were in the movie
Chris: that is weird. What's her name from the Romeo and Juliet movie was young and her tits were in the movie. It was really unnecessary too. She just walked by the camera and her tits were out for like half a second.
Patrick: I heard that actress wasn't allowed to go to the screening of that film because she was underaged and there was nudity. But the only nudity was her
Spongebob: also that guy who played Romeos ass was out for a bit
Patrick: oh yeah that
(Benjamin walks through)
Benjamin: oooh. Judd Nelson is back
Judd Nelson: yep. My home. Blockbuster
Patrick: (runs over to Benjamin and kicks him in the nuts)
Benjamin: ahhhhhh !!!!!!
Patrick: haha! Asshole!!!!
(The gang laughs)
Amanda: okay, that was kind of funny
Chris: it's always funny when ppl get kicked in the nuts
(Benjamin gets up and kicks Chris in the nuts)
Chris: agahah fuck!
Benjamin: yeah not so funny now
(They all laugh)
Chris: if it was shadow or spongebob I would've laughed
Spongebob: me too man. Anyone got a cigarette?
Shadow: yep. Not that Patrick would give you one
Patrick: okay cigarettes are like $4.69 a pack it's ridiculous
Shadow: there are also 20 in a pack and you can't spare one. It's incredible
Patrick: oh yeah I forgot I'm not a millionaire like you. People are poor, shadow. Don't be a fucking classist
Shadow: do you want me to buy you a carton? Cuz I can buy you a lot of them.
Patrick: no I can afford them. Just not give them away
Shadow: what if we pay you by cigarette ?
Patrick: it's illegal to sell Lucy's
Shadow: coming from the guy that resisted arrrest. Yeah fucking right
Patrick: why are you being such a dick, shadow?
Spongebob: can someone just give me a fucking cigarette already?
(Shadow throws a whole pack to spongebob)
Shadow: yeah I can spare you a whole pack, unlike some
Patrick: whatever dude. I'm gonna split early. See you later, Chris
Chris: word pat
(Patrick leaves)
Spongebob: Patrick died, man
Shadow; he really did. Fuckin sucks
Amanda: I wonder what happened...he was cool. We used to chill it was fun
Chris: I don't think he's that bad
Judd Nelson: id love to stay and chat but I have a lot of mayor stuff to catch up on. It's been a while
Shadow: bye dude
(Judd Nelson leaves)
Shadow: chris, I don't know why you can't see his douche baggery
Chris: are we gonna pretend like Patrick hasn't always been a dick?
Spongebob: that's true. I've known him since 1987. That's 12 years, friends. 12 fuckin years
Shadow: well I'm not having anymore of this shit
(Sea green comes in)
Sea Green: hey uhh. Patrick is currently at the cvs across the street trying to steal money from an atm
(Patrick at the cvs)
Patrick: (smacking the atm machine with a wrench) come on, give me money you stupid fucking machine
(The gang appears behind him)
Spongebob: Patrick, what the fuck ru doing
Patrick: I'm fucking sick of being broke and taking shit from shadow, it's total crap
Shadow: are you really getting this salty over me calling you out for being such a dick when someone asks your for a cigarette?
Patrick: yes because I'm poor and you don't understand that
Shadow: you clearly have enough money to buy a pack of cigarettes every week, also don't forget you bum constantly cigarettes from literally all of us. Not that we mind but
Chris: not me cuz I don't smoke cigarettes
Spongebob: we get it chris
Patrick: well you guys have more money than me. We all know Amanda makes more money than all of us, shadow is rich, spongebob makes a decent amount of money with his writing and Chris lives with his parents and has no bills.
Amanda: I just don't understand this
Patrick: fuck this I'm going home until the show. (He leaves)
Chris: okay that was quite odd
Spongebob: if he was like this when we met we would have never became homies I swear.
Shadow: It's fucked up
Amanda: since when is he broke
Spongebob: he pays 200 a month to his landlord.
Shadow: is he struggling to pay it?
Spongebob: not that I know of
Chris: he buys like an ounce of weed every month. That's like 150 right there
Amanda: who knows, based on my perception on him I don't want to see him often
Shadow: yeah I feel that shit. (Opens a diet Dr Pepper)
Spongebob: I gotta talk to the fucker. I can't just let my best friend go like that
Shadow: I hear you (sigh...takes sip from diet Dr Pepper)
Chris: is it Ryan?
Shadow: yep
(Awkward silence)
(Patrick in the car with Georgie)
Patrick: yo this is lit that we're hanging out again
Georgie: yeah dude. Jail sucked
Patrick: oh that's why we haven't seen you in 3 years. What'd you do?
Georgie: it has to do with my brother. He was killed
Patrick: who killed him?
Georgie: well, I choked him nearly to death and I just left him on the floor and went to get some pizza and he was dead when I came back. I avoided some hardcore prison time by lying under oath. My alibi was that I was selling crack but they charged my ass and I got sent to jail. I ate the slice I bought him
Patrick: damn dude that's some serious shit
Georgie: he deserved it. He's a dick
Patrick: damn that's powerful.
Georgie: I'll put in my foos cassette for from pregame
(They drive as learn to fly by the foo fighters plays)
(They arrive at flats house)
(He gets in the car)
Patrick: yooo flats
Flats: what's up assholes.
Georgie: chillen man
Patrick: we're about to get Chris
(They get Chris)
Chris: time to party
Patrick: I hit up my dealer. He's meeting us at the parking lot of pizza castle
Flats: yo that was theee pizza place in community dude
Patrick: yeah yo. That sausage pepper slice hmmmm
(They pull up to the pizza castle)
Patrick: (rolls down his window) yo ceppi
Ceppi: sup pat (hands him the loud)
Patrick: (hands him the cash) thanks bro
Ceppi: peace...are you going to jakes party?
Patrick: I'll go anywhere I can obtain free alc
Ceppi: word see you there
(They drive)
Flats: fuck yeah we got the chronic
Chris: I'll hide it in my deep jacket pocket
Patrick: nah, I've been to a million shows at the sword fish, they barley check you
(They walk through security )
Security: ok I smell weed on you
Patrick: what no that's total crap
Security: I know my senses (reaches into Patrick's pocket and takes his weed)...cop!
Patrick: are you fucking kidding me? This is literal horse shit, is it cuz I'm a starfish? You fucking specist
Cop: oh look, it's the kid that blasted korn. We've been laughing over that all day at the station (cuffs Patrick)
Patrick: nooooo fuck!!!!