Spongebob Patrick Do Blockbuster Season 2 ep 1 "Patrick Gets Fired"
(patrick, amanda, spongrbob and chris at blockbuster)
patrick:...man i am buzzing hard off of this chaw, man
spongebob: what ?
patrick: (spits the dip on the carpet)
amanda: what the fuck you dip?
patrick: yeah since i'm a broke ass manatee fucker i get my nicotine via chewing tobacco
spongebob: disgusting
patrick: ok, you literally smoke like 5 camels a day, enjoy lung cancer
amanda: enjoy mouth cancer
patrick: pshh. name one person who has actually gotten that and died
amanda: sigmund freud
patrick: seahorse shit. i'm sure he died from fucking little kids
spongebob: he didn't fuck kids, asshole
amanda: he just believes kids derive pleasures from their bodies in a world of tension and pleasure
patrick: pshh whatever (spits more dip on the carpet)
chris: can you stop doing that?
patrick: it's good for the carpet
chris: cite your sources
patrick: (spits dip in his face)
chris: (wipes it off and looks at him...he smacks him) fuck you!
patrick: fuck this shift i have better things to be doing
(patrick walks out)
spongebob: do you remember when patrick wasn't an idiot?
amanda: he's getting stupider as the days pass
(patrick chilling at his house drinking a beer)
(his phone rings)
patrick:(picks up) what
georgie: yo it's georgie destefano
patrick: yo georgie what's up
georgie: i got this job in west codwell you in?
patrick: sure. scoop me
georgie: word
(shadow sitting on his couch watching fritz lang's M while he has the noose on his lap)
shadow: (starring at the screen...he looks to his left and sees his sister snow)...hey
snow: what's up
shadow: this has happened to me before, ryan has visited me as well, hence why i'm not buggin
snow: yea, i felt like it was time for me to visit
shadow: so people from heaven can just come and visit people
snow: well, not really. me and ryan are pretty tight with jesus and he just lets us do cool shit
shadow:...fuckin evangelicals
snow: anyways i came to tell you don't kill yourself and find a new girlfriend who isn't way younger than you
shadow: ok. i wasn't gonna kill myself
snow: ya know, way back in the day i read in your notebook that the last movie you wanted to watch the night you killed yourself was fritz lang's M and that's what you're watching so ya know that's why i'm worried
shadow: well, it sounds like you and ryan are living it up in heaven
snow: yeah it's awesome. you can't die so i just take a shit ton of heroin. it's awesome
shadow: oh you got a plug?
snow: yeah, jeremy the weed shark died a few years ago and he's been the plug
shadow: oh yeah. i was in the peace corps the time of his funeral
snow: aight. jesus has never seen 2001: a space odyssey and were all gonna take acid and watch it tonight
shadow: k bye.
(patrick and georgie destefano driving)
patrick: so what's this task?
georgie: some guy, he and my uncle tony have an issue on a loan. you might need to whack the shit out of him with me
patrick: fuck yeah. what business did you say your uncle was in?
georgie: waste management.
patrick: uhh ok.
(they arrive at the place to see the guy)
guy: hey...is it tuesday already
georgie: yeah cut the shit cocksuckah, where's the dough?
guy: look, just please give me a week. i'll have it
georgie: (whacks the shit out of him)
guy: you son of a bitch! i remember when you were a little weak boy and now you think you run bikini county marone! (takes out a gun)
patrick: oh shit (patrick sees a gun and grabs it)
guy: don't fuckin test me (shoots and misses georgie)
patrick: (shoots and kills the guy) holy crap
(the guys caretaker hears and flips out)
caretaker: (comes running to the scene) oh my god ! i'm calling the police
patrick: fuck! (shoots murders the caretaker)
georgie: is anyone else in the house?
(they hear the voice of a child)
patrick: fuck
(the child comes to the room as patrick and georgie frantically try to cover up the bodies)
child: oh fuck!
patrick: was this old man your dad?
child: no, my grandpa...i don't rlly care, he's lame
patrick: (puts the gun in the kids mouth) if you snitch, i swear to neptune there will be a bullet in your fucking head (pistol whips him) YA HEAR THAT BITCH?
child: ow what the fuck? (tries to run out of the house)
(patrick shoots him in the head and he dies)
georgie: ok. what should we do?
patrick: id say burn the house
georgie: good idea
(a montage of them staging a fire and pouring gasoline and all that to the song what do you want me to say by the dismemberment plan )
(they're driving away as the house is on fire)
patrick: fuck i just murdered an elderly man, a brave caretaker and a child
georgie: how bad do you feel?
patrick: well it depends, how much money is on it for me?
georgie: well after we raided his place we hit the jackpot. i'll take you over to the strip club in Brittle Falls and we'll sort it out there
patrick: word. i think i'm gonna like this new path of life
(georgie takes him to the strip club called the badfish bing)
georgie: (walks into a room full of dudes) hey guys. this is my dude patrick and he helped me win big.
patrick: sup
tony: hey how you doin, (shakes his hand)
georgie: that's my uncle, tony soclamo and my good friends squilvio and paulie whalenuts
patrick: why do they call you that?
paulie: cuz back in 83 some cocksuckah thought he could whack me. long story short, i castrated that beluga fuck
patrick: cool. i gotta spilt, i got my lame ass shift tomorrow. nice meeting y'all
(patrick driving home)
(patrick standing at home, he grabs a beer)
patrick: i feel like fucking (he goes to his phone and calls the number of a person named amber)
amber: hello
patrick: hey it's patrick...wanna fuck?
amber: i'm sorry what?
patrick: remember back in winter 97 when we worked at walmart and fucked in the break room all the time?
amber: fuck you (hangs up)
patrick: (calls the number of a person named miles)
miles: hi
patrick: hey. it's patrick..wanna fuck?
miles: what the fuck?
patrick: what i used to call you to fuck all the time
miles: grow up!
(patrick goes on his couch and masturbates. a shot of him doing it to the song wasted by travis scott)
(the next day at blockbuster)
chris: where has shadow been?
amanda: huh i don't know
(patrick comes in drunk)
patrick: i masturbated 7 times last night cuz no girls wanted to fuck when i called. something is wrong with my dick too. check it out (he takes his dick out. it's a close up shot of his gross looking crusty dick with messy pubic hair)
spongebob; patrick what the fuck
patrick: sorry it's just (throws up) fuck that chaw fucked me up. (he passes out)
chris: should we do it?
amanda: yes
(a shot of chris, spongebob amanda carrying patrick to the dumpster. random shit occurs as the song interstate love song plays. they throw him in the dumpster)
chris: this is what it came to
spongebob: unreal
(the rest of the song plays as it shows shots of bikini bottom)