spongebob patrick do blockbuster season 2 episode 4 "i'm 30!"
(the crew all at a devils game)
amanda: nice save marty!
(a shot of patrik elias sending a sick saucer pass to scott gomez. he shakes his defender and beats the goalie and horn sounds)
patrick: fuck yea, nice move gomez!
spongebob: nice pass patrik!
patrick: what...oh wait you're talking about elias lol
(a shot of shadow looking sad)
(after the game they're walking out of the meadowlands)
spongebob: dude, jay pandolfo totally beat the crap out of ray bourque
patrick: bro, the team hasn't been this good since 95. cup this year bro
amanda: stevens, madden, arnott, sykora, the teams deep as fuck
chris: my dude gomez comin out of nowhere
shadow: im 30!
spongebob: im 21!
shadow: yeah. what fucking ever
patrick: yo, spongebobs, drop me off at the bus stop when we get back to bikini bottom
spongebob: ok
patrick: im going up to staten island tonight
chris: why?
patrick: my boy sea horse todd and miles and me are doing a job. gonna make some real fuckin money. not like blockbuster chump change or some millionaire-connor oberst-lookin-ass's wallet
shadow: (sees a metal pole and stops for a bit. he then grabs it) patrick. fuck with me again
patrick: (looks at shadow and laughs) wow you think im threatened?
(swings at patrick and he reacts as it narrowly misses him )
patrick: woah ! (reaches for his pocket and takes out his gun) watch it crazy guy
spongebob: holy fuck!
shadow: shoot me. i wanna be dead. put it through my fucking head!
chris: what do we do?
patrick: put the pole down shadow. i've played with guns before
shadow: (attempts another swing and patrick shoots him in the shoulder before he can hit him) ahhhhhhhhhhhh
patrick: don't fuck with the second amendment, bitch
amanda: holy shit!
(the squad at the hospital while shadow is in the hospital)
spongebob: patrick, you've done a lot of bull shit but this...i actually can't believe this
patrick: he swung at me! it was self defense. plus he literally asked me to shoot him
spongebob: you shot our friend and now he is in critical condition. how are you still making these justifications?
(the doctor comes out to speak to them)
doctor: good news is he's alive. bad news is he's in a coma and we're gonna need to do some surgeries and hope he makes it. he lost a lot of blood on the way over here
chris: what are the chances?
doctor: he can pull through but it's looking bleak
amanda: oh no
(the doctor leaves)
patrick: he'll be fine
spongebob: there he goes again, not understanding the severity of a situation
patrick: yeah whatever. i'll be on my way to staten island so i don't go fucking broke. (the stud of his nipple piercing pops off) fuck (searches for it)
(a shot of shadow in the hospital bed. it goes into a coma sequence)
(shadow sitting in a room with red curtains. the song audrey's dance plays. in that room, the crew is in there, so is sea green, his parents, his sister, ryan the livin like larry squad)
(shadow sitting and kevin approaches him)
kevin: hey shadow. remember when we hung out? i do because of the effect it had on me
(he disappears. sea green approaches)
sea green: hey broken rich boy. can you believe you took 5 months of my 23rd year and filled it with constant sulking while you enabled my addictions? it's hard to break off a one night stand when he pays your debts...also getting involved with him and letting him bring me down while i was broken was no bueno. at least i'll have plenty of time to constantly worry about that guy killing himself so i can ultimately blame myself!
(she disappears)
(a shot of shadow looking blank)
(a loud speaker says "and now hank williams")
(hank williams steps in front of shadow with his guitar and plays there's a tear in my beer. shadow stares)
hank williams: what's wrong, shadow?
shadow: (a shot of his face)
hank williams: got a problem being alive? well take it from me, im dead. you're right, die. die. die. die. die.
(shadow in the hospital. the heart rate monitor starts beeping fast)
doctor 1: holy shit!
(they attend to him. they do that electrocution thing)
(patrick in a van in staten island with sea horse todd and miles)
sea horse todd: ok. the plan is we go into the house and pose as representatives of the tv company and take their tv. we tell them we're gonna bring them a better tv and we don't bring a tv. go down to the pawn shop, handsome profit (he starts driving. )
the camera shows patrick and miles in the back
patrick: im so hyped. im so fucking broke. i need this job
miles: oh yeah, these people do not see it coming. old people and foreigners are the easiest to manipulate
patrick: ohhh uhh. that's kinda fucked up
miles: do you want money?
patrick: yeah lol
miles: ok. then take those liberal feelings out of this job
patrick; hey, watch it. i plan on voting for george bush
miles: (grabs his dick) ok. good you still have this
patrick: bringing back old memories
(a flash back showing them have weird sex)
(back to normal)
patrick: crazy times lol
(this squad all sitting at the hospital)
(doctor comes out)
doctor: his blood pressures have become normal. it's getting late, you should go home. only family should be this close
spongebob: we're all he's got. im staying tonight
chris: amanda and i will have to hold down block buster tm
(spongebob talking to shadow while he's laying)
spongebob: ya know, back in the day, the early 90s, everyone loved shadow. all around bikini bottom, kids from bikini hills, kids from boonton, clamapo and pequannock even thought you were the shit. but now im thinking, if everyone loved you so much, then why am i the only one here in this hospital with you at age 30? who knows man. you've had it rough and im sorry about that, im just...(he sits down)
(the tv crew doing the thing)
todd sea horse: yeah, we're coming back with another tv
(they take it to the truck)
(a mini montage of it)
(the last house)
todd sea horse: yeah, we're representatives of the tv company and we're taking this tv and bringing a better one
old person: intruder!( pepper sprays him)
todd sea: ahhhhhrieywhsjfjdhhhgggg
(old person calls the cops)
patrick: fuck im on probation!
(he dips. miles follows)
patrick: let's get to the last bus to bikini bottom
(larry driving and stops)
larry:(from the car) patrick?
patrick: larry, you going back to bikini bottom?
larry: yeah...get in knuckle head!
(a shot of shadow laying there. all you can hear is whistling