spongebob patrick do blockbuster season 2 episode 6 "my scars go deeper when he's here"
(shadow wakes up in his bed. he gets up and looks around. he sees no one but looks at various things. the first thing is a dying plant that seems to have been over flown with water in an attempt to save it last minute. he decides to go outside where its revealed bikini bottom is deserted)
shadow: hello! (it echos)
(he starts mozying around. he comes across a baby sea urchin. he looks amused by it. he decides to pick it up and it bites him)
shadow: fuck ! (he throws the sea urchin and it explodes when it hits the ground)
(judd nelson appears but he is 7 feet tall)
judd nelson: (presses a tape recorder that plays the "oops i did it again" line from that one song) there he goes. doing it again
shadow: judd nelson? dude, you're huge
judd nelson: yea. keto, man. listen, me and my boy shaq r gonna play basketball. let's go to the bikini valley gym. (judd nelson grabs shadow and flys to the gym. the song heading for the door by duster plays)
(at the gym)
judd nelson: my man, shaquille o'neal
shaq: hey. i believe i am the best big man in the nba. fans know me for being a really
dominant and seemingly unstoppable force down low. but...(he attempts a free throw and misses) i shoot 50 percent from the free throw line. the los angeles lakers still love me
shadow: so what...they accept you despite your flaws?
shaq: yep. all except for that guy kobe
(judd nelson shoots and shaq blocks it)
shaq: if you keep riding the baseline i'll block it everytime.
judd nelson: you right. (drives, does a back hop step and hits the 14 foot jumper)
shaq: there ya go. keep playing like this and you'll be liked by gregg popovich
(shadow walks out)
shadow: (reading a sign on the gym door) all autocrats are charmers
(shadow in the hospital)
(spongebob, amanda patrick and chris r in the room)
(shadows parent fiasco )
fiasco: i heard my sons dead, is that true?
spongebob: are you...fiasco?
fiasco: i am. are you three the only people shadow has?
chris: yeah
fiasco: of course
amanda: it helps to talk to him
fiasco: clear the room. i have some private words
(they leave)
fiasco; my son. my fucking son.
(shadows coma. he's walking around and patrick appears)
patrick: fucking slowly, all the pain, justly as the burden of his broken dream is lifted but seemingly carried out. breathing, panting again. my angry dad, faintly to the yearning of his depressed son.
shadow: what?
(back to normal)
fiasco: all you had to do was listen to me...the son failed at that. i should've known
(spongebob outside smoking. amanda approaches him)
amanda: can i bum one?
spongebob: (gives her a boge and a lighter)
amanda: so why did chris have to bail you out and why do you have community service?
spongebob: caught with weed
amanda: i know that. why man?
spongebob; i was just chillen and the guy came. it could've happened to us anytime
amanda: yea...that's kinda a problem. like, we rationalize using substances very unsafely.
spongebob: look, i was just trying to get away from it all. is that a problem? everything around us is getting scarier and more fucked up
(a random hipster looking dude gives spongebob a flyer)
random hipster looking dude: this town will soon have class...join us for coffee but in a douchey way (he leaves)
spongebob: wait a second...this coffee shop is opening up on bikini ave south?
amanda: what about it?
spongebob: that's near the trailer park patrick grew up in. it's also near my neighborhood aka one of the cheapest places to live in not only bikini bottom but all of north eastern new jersey
amanda: what does that have to do with anything?
spongebob: ok, as you know, bikini ave is one of the 3 main roads in bikini bottom, along with conch street and neptune turnpike. the north side was always lower middle class and when they started opening up all of those places, we can thank that douche bag squidward for contributing with that pretentious restaurant jizztel, the property tax raised because all of the hipsters came with their green hair, sad indie pop and 4 dollar cups of coffee. looks like it's happening again this time it'll be me who's affected, especially if it goes all the way down to south bikini ave
amanda: oh no...what can we do?
spongebob: well, we'll see what happens. for now we wait. we may have some time, hell we might be able to stop it
(chris walks in the hospital room)
fiasco: ok. im done here (leaves)
chris: well, it's been a tough few days. i feel like you and i never talk. how are you? oh, you can't respond. well, idk what to say but...if you wanna live just wake up man. you've been complaining about being alive a long time now...
(spongebob and amanda come in)
(shadows coma standing in blockbuster)
spongebob: shadow, come to the back with me.
(the back. there are two doors. one says life, the other says purgatory)
spongebob: it's your choice, man. make it
shadow: (opens the door to purgatory. kurt cobain busts out of it)
kurt cobain: woah...is that it? damn eternity felt forever.
shadow: hey
kurt cobain: hey dude
shadow: yeah, i was just about to go in there. life isn't for me
kurt cobain: oh yeah?
shadow: yeah. i hate life and everything involving it
kurt cobain: let me tell you something that isn't the same old "ohhh the world needs you, you have so much to live for" bull shit. but i will tell you, you cannot listen to daniel johnston in purgatory, you cant smoke weed, you cant fuck, and you cant play music. you just sit around, eat flavorless almonds and every , they show meatballs 3: summer job and let you drink coffee. other than that, it's you, your fucked up thoughts and your dick. i say this cuz you can actually jerk off here
shadow; wow.
kurt cobain: so which door are you taking?
shadow: i guess i can give life another chance.
kurt cobain: finally im free!
(kurt opens the life door and takes shadow with him)
(back at the hospital)
(shadows eyes open and he looks up)
chris: holy shit shadow!
(spongebob screams for the doctor)
(the doctors come in and work on reviving him)
amanda: come on shadow, you can do it
chris: stay with me, man
shadow: woah...i made it
(kurt cobain comes out of the closet)
amanda: is that kurt cobain?
kurt cobain: no...uhhh im the guy at the coffee shop who looks like him
spongebob: oh yeah the one on south bikini ave, ahhhh working for a place of gentrification i see. fuck off
kurt cobain: ohhh uh never mind bye. (he rushes out of the hospital)
doctor: well you pulled through. after a short surgery you'll be ready to go
spongebob: what a relief...
chris: i guess we gotta go back to work now. sigh