If Only In My Dreams

Chapter 1

Summary: After talking to Ryan on the phone, Hope goes to bed thinking of her mudman. And how she didn't know when she had started referring to him as hers.

Disclaimer: I don't own Legacies.

Hope tried to ignore the stab of pain that hit her heart over hearing Ryan's voice choking up over the phone as he called to say goodbye one last time. She tried to ignore the fleeting feeling that had risen in her chest when he had said that he didn't hate her, and the words he left unsaid. She tried to ignore the nagging feeling that it didn't feel right to be kissing Landon anymore. In her mind, she saw her partner taller and leaner. She tried to ignore that too. But when she pulled the covers up over her shoulders an hour later, everything that she had been trying to ignore came flooding back, and Hope was overwhelmed with thoughts of Ryan. She already missed him. Her heart ached knowing that she would never see him again. She couldn't help but to think that there would forever be a whole in her heart where her mudman had stolen a piece of it.

The fact that she had just referred to Ryan Clarke as her mudman startled Hope. Just that morning she had told him that she had cast a spell to change his appearance from looking like Landon to looking like himself: the vilest thing she could think of. And now, here she was, trying to go to bed after experiencing Christmas in October, and seeing Santa Claus kill the Krampus, mentally referring to the golem that she had thought she despised as hers. Had spending most of the day with him to make sure he wouldn't get into trouble or escape without going through with the plan to sacrifice himself really changed her perspective on him that drastically? Hope shook her head. There was no way that she had gone from despising Ryan to claiming him in 1 day. It wasn't possible. But thinking that alone made Hope's inner wolf growl at the denial.

That's when it hit her. Consciously, Hope didn't feel much more than pity for the golem. But in the depths of her soul, where her inner wolf resided when she wasn't in wolf form, had recognized Ryan as her mate. Not that there was much that Hope could do anything about it now. It was nearly one in the morning. Ryan had made it clear that after everything she had done for him that day, that he would sacrifice himself and go into the portal. He was gone. And until she activated her vampire side, Hope wouldn't be facing off against Malivore, meaning that she wouldn't be seeing Ryan again. So her wolf claiming him was pointless. Hope tried to reason with her wolf when it growled in her head. But that ended up being in vain. Her wolf was firmly believing that they would be seeing Ryan again.

"Well, we won't be seeing him again tonight. So I need sleep after the day I've had." Hope muttered to herself before willing her body to go to sleep.

As soon as her eyes closed, Hope was asleep. Her dreams were filled with all things Christmas, which was typical, given the day that she had had, but she wasn't in a place she recognized. She wasn't in New Orleans, celebrating Christmas with her family, and she wasn't in Mystic Falls, celebrating Christmas with her friends, either. She was somewhere else. Somewhere that was new to her. Glancing around her, Hope noticed some pictures on frames hanging on the wall. Walking over to them, Hope let out a gasp. Every single one of the pictures was of her and Ryan at different stages of the year. Of different stages of their life... which seemingly was a life together.

The picture that caught Hope's attention the most was the one where she was showing off a beautiful engagement ring while Ryan held her around the waist and was pressing a kiss to her temple, the tip of a smile showing on his lips from where it could be see around her hair and the look of pure love shining in his eyes at the fact that she had just accepted his proposal. Drawing her eyes away from the picture, Hope glanced down at her left hand, and her breath caught in her throat at seeing the ring in person. As she stared at the ring, Hope distantly heard a door open and close before footsteps made their way in her direction. It was only when a very familiar pair of arms wrapped around her waist and a chin came to rest on her shoulder that Hope broke out of the trance that the ring had her in.

"You have yet to get over the novelty of having an engagement ring on your finger, have you Sweetheart?" Ryan murmured in Hope's ear, causing a shiver to run down her spine.

"It's like a dream." Hope replied with a sigh.

"It is a dream, Hope. You know none of this is real." Ryan said.

"It feels real."

"You were the one who said that anything can be real if you believe it enough."

"I did say that, didn't I? But this isn't what I meant, Ryan."

Ryan looked at Hope in surprise, his eyes wide. Hope only raised an eyebrow at him in response.

"What?"

"You just called me by my first name. You've never called me by my first name. Not even when I wished you a Merry Christmas on the phone."

"That can't be true."

"Believe me, Hope. I would have memorized each and every moment surrounding you calling me 'Ryan' if you had ever called me that before. As it is, I've memorized each and every moment that you've called me 'Clarke'. You definitely have not called me 'Ryan' before."

Hope let out a huff and slowly turned around to look at him. Despite their conversation going to a place she hadn't expected it to go, she hadn't actually seen him. He looked a lot more comfortable than he usually did. And she was drawn to him. Sure, she was used to him in suits, and he looked good in them, and had been immensely attractive in a leather jacket, but this look- jeans and a hoodie- this was the most attractive Hope had ever found Ryan.

"What I call you aside... I wasn't talking about us when I said what I said on the phone. I was talking about you believing your father could still love you." Hope said as she rested her hands on Ryan's chest. "I was saying it to for your benefit, not for mine."

"Whosever benefit you said it for, Hope, you still said it, and we wouldn't be here right now if you didn't want all of this, with me, deep down." Ryan said before pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"Will I ever see you again?" Hope asked in a small voice.

"Of course you will, Sweetheart. You are the most powerful witch that I know. You have the means and actual power to see me whenever you want. Especially in your dreams."

"How long do these usually last?"

"However long you want it to, Hope. I'm not going anywhere until you are ready to wake up."

Hope bit her lower lip and lightly clung to Ryan's hoodie to pull herself closer to him. As Ryan wrapped his arms tighter around her waist, Hope pushed herself up onto her toes and pressed her lips to his. She didn't care if this was a dream. She wanted to have an idea of what it felt like to have Ryan's lips against her own. Being a foot shorter than Ryan made Hope have to wrap her arms around his neck to pull him in closer. But he didn't seem to mind. Which made sense, since this was all happening inside her head, as Ryan was currently stuck inside the darkness again. But he still bent down and hooked his arms underneath the back of her thighs and lifted her into his arms. A move that instantly had Hope wrapping her legs around Ryan's waist as he carried her elsewhere in the house.

As soon as Hope's back hit the soft surface of a bed, she broke the kiss to look up at Ryan. Even with Hope's legs still wrapped tightly around his waist as she lay on the bed, Ryan was standing at the side of the bed, pulling his hoodie over his head to reveal a bare chest underneath. Hope started to reach for him but thought better of it and let her hand fall to her side. Ryan didn't seem all too happy that she had stopped herself, as he grabbed Hope's hand in his and placed it on his chest.

"Don't stop yourself from doing what you want, Sweetheart. This is your dream, remember? You can do whatever you want to do. We can do whatever you want us to do." Ryan encouraged.

Hope nodded and traced the outline of Ryan's abdominal muscles. Her eyes followed the path her fingertips took before looking up at the man above her. The look he had on his face was one of pure love, and it broke Hope's heart. He had said that he didn't hate her, implying that he at least liked her, but had she really been so guarded against how he really felt about her because of what everyone in her life would think if she acknowledged his feelings for her with her own feelings? And now here, in her dreams, she could truly see him and how he felt for her? Unwrapping her legs from around his waist, Hope sat up onto her knees and pulled Ryan into a hug, sighing softly when he wrapped his arms around her waist and buried his face in her neck.

"I'm sorry Ryan. For everything. For forcing you to relive the worst time of your life... twice. For pushing you away when I should have just told you how I felt. I'm sorry for all of it." Hope whispered.

"It's okay, Sweetheart. I wouldn't have told you I didn't hate you if I hadn't forgiven you already." Ryan replied.

Keeping her arms securely around Ryan's neck, Hope started to move backwards towards the middle of the bed, taking him with her. She had just settled back against the pillows, with Ryan pushing the hem of her shirt up and placing a trail of kisses along the newly exposed skin when something jarred Hope awake. Sitting up in bed, Hope let out a sob. When the doorknob started to rattle insistently, Hope realized that her sobs weren't silent ones. And whomever had woken her up, had taken her away from Ryan, was trying to get into her room. Wiping the tears away as best as she could, Hope tossed the covers back and headed towards the door, ready to make heads roll for forcing her to leave her dream when she wasn't ready to leave yet. But whomever she had expected to be on the other side of her door, it wasn't who was actually there.

"Liz? What the hell do you want?" Hope asked.

"Someone found something that you need to see." Lizzie commented as she glanced around Hope into her room. "Hobbit isn't with you?" She asked.

"No, Lizzie, he isn't." Hope replied, surprised that she wasn't as offended by Lizzie's nickname for Landon as she used to be.

"Probably for the best. He would be too happy to see this." Lizzie said with a shrug as she grabbed Hope's wrist and pulled the tribrid along behind her.

As soon as the two girls reached the common room, Hope was horrified. There, in the middle of the room, surrounded by too many of the students, was Ryan's body... or at least, the simulation of Landon, spelled by her less than 24 hours earlier to look like Ryan's body, beheaded. Hope fell to her knees with a hand over her mouth as tears streamed down her cheeks. Ryan couldn't be dead. He just couldn't be. It took her much too long to realize that she was sobbing out loud again and that everyone was staring at her with various degrees of concern on their faces.