If Only In My Dreams

Chapter 2

Hope didn't know who ended up getting her back onto her feet and back to her room. She thought it might have been Kaleb, but all she could see what Ryan's headless body. And the second her arm that was being used to lead her away from the sight was released, Hope bolted towards her bathroom and threw up. She knew that it wasn't truly Ryan's body- his actually body had disappeared after his consciousness was transferred to Simu-Landon's body- but it had his likeness because she had spelled it to have his likeness. And someone had beheaded him. She didn't think she would get to sleep any time soon after seeing him like that.

Once she leaned back from the toilet, Hope realized she wasn't alone and slowly opened one eye. It had, in fact, been Kaleb that had taken her away from the scene in the common room, and he was taking care of her. She briefly wondered where Landon was, but then recalled what Lizzie had said. Landon didn't know what had happened, and if he had, he would have been thrilled by it. And seeing her so distraught over his brother would have just made him pissed off, and it probably would have been Miss Mystic Falls all over again.

When Kaleb handed her a glass of water, Hope gave her friend a half smile in thanks and took a sip before tilting her head back to rest it against the wall. When she felt Kaleb lightly nudge her arm, Hope turned her head and looked at him.

"I've only seen you look that tore up once before. I didn't like seeing you like that the first time, I hated seeing it again tonight. You love him." Kaleb said.

"Yes." Hope replied in a small voice.

"How long?" Kaleb asked.

"I don't know. I just realized it when I was dreaming about him before Lizzie came to get me."

"Do you think you'll be okay enough to sleep? From what Lizzie said, that wasn't really him, but a simulation?"

"Yeah. Yesterday, Josie made a simulation of Landon's subconscious. The plan had been to pump enough of my blood into him and send him to his end into the portal. Josie tied his usefulness to the lunar cycle. He was supposed to have gone into the portal, and when the moon reached it's apex, he would disintegrate, giving Malivore nothing to spit back out, because with enough of my blood in the simulation, it would have destroyed Malivore. Clearly the plan didn't work. Someone got to him first." Hope explained bitterly.

"That didn't look like our boy's body." Kaleb commented.

"That would be because last night he tricked his half brother into transferring his consciousness into him. I cast a spell to make him look like his half brother instead of Landon. It wasn't right seeing Landon's face, but having Clarke's words coming from his mouth."

"Clarke... Agent Clarke? That creepy dude from Triad!?"

"Calm down Kaleb; he wasn't as bad as he made himself look in Maple Hollows. I spent 5 months with no one but him for company when I was in Malivore. We connected on ways that I never connected with Landon. And I spent all day with him today. As he was the only other person that wasn't effected by the merriment that you were all consumed by." Hope said. "Maybe I've loved him all along, and just desperately tried to deny it to myself. Maybe I've loved him since we were in Malivore together. Maybe today changed everything. All I know is that I love him, and even seeing a simulation that was spelled to look like him beheaded was painful." She continued. "And this is exactly why I stopped letting people get close to me after my parents died. I can't keep losing people that I love."

"Are you sure it was Clarke that you love, though? Maybe your mind and heart are playing tricks on you. Since you knew that it was a simulation of Landon's subconscious, could it not be that what you're feeling is stemming from that?" Kaleb asked.

"I'm sure Kaleb." Hope said with a frown. "Thank you for getting me back to my room. I should be okay from here." She added.

With a nod, the young vampire stood up and helped Hope to her feet before giving her a one armed hug and vamping out of the room. Hope turned off the light in the bathroom and slowly made her way back to bed. Pulling the covers up to her chin, Hope stared at the ceiling, trying to figure out where Ryan's body could actually be. Coming up completely empty, she closed her eyes tightly, wanting desperately to return to her dreamscape so that she could see Ryan unharmed. And whether it was by the lingering Christmas magic, or by her sheer will power, when Hope opened her eyes again, she was in bed with Ryan again, and he was looking down at her with worry in his eyes.

"Everything okay, Sweetheart?" He asked.

"Yes... no... I don't know." Hope replied as she sat up and pulled her legs into her chest.

"Talk to me, Hope." Ryan said as he moved to sit against the pillows and pulled Hope back to lean against his chest.

"Your body... or at least the simulation body... it was beheaded. I know that it wasn't your real body, but it still hurt to see you like that. Especially right after what we were in the middle of doing here." Hope explained as she twisted to rest her head on his shoulder and look up at him. "I prefer you like this." She added before pulling his head down for a kiss.

"I prefer me like this, too. It'd be too difficult to kiss you and hold you at the same time if I didn't have my head attached." Ryan commented in between kisses.

"Great, you're an ass in my dream, too." Hope said with a sigh.

"If you had imagined me any other way, it wouldn't have felt right, Hope, and you know it."

Hope pouted at that. She didn't like it when Ryan was right. She was stubborn enough to not like admitting when she was wrong about something, and while she hadn't said anything that was wrong, the feeling of not liking it when Ryan was right was the same feeling as if she had said something that was wrong. But then a wicked grin grew on Hope's face and she used her heightened agility to turn around and pin Ryan beneath her. He was still shirtless from earlier and Hope herself was wearing short shorts and a tank top, so getting them to where she wanted them wasn't going to be too difficult. Taking his hands in hers, Hope laced their fingers together and held Ryan's hands above his head.

"Do you trust me?" Hope asked.

"Hope..." Ryan replied slowly.

"I know, I know, it's my dream, but humor me, please?"

"Of course I trust you, Hope. Despite what you did, I've never not trusted you."

"Okay... keep your hands above your head until I say so."

Ryan nodded before moving his hands under his head as a way to show Hope that he would restrain from touching her until she was ready for him to touch her. When Hope was satisfied that Ryan would behave, she reached down and grabbed the hem of her shirt before pulling it over her head slowly. After tossing the material onto the floor, Hope placed her hands on Ryan's chest and bit her lower lip. She didn't really know why she was so nervous to be doing any of this. This was her dream, and they were engaged in this dream. Clearly they had a happy life together, and a good life at that. Surely they wouldn't have gotten to this stage if they hadn't done things like this before. Even if it was all just a dream.

"You okay, Sweetheart?" Ryan asked when Hope didn't do anything more than sit on his lap with her hands on his chest.

"Yeah, just um, a bit nervous. I've never..." Hope trailed off.

"May I...?" Ryan asked.

"Yes please." Hope replied with a nod and Ryan sat up and lightly grasped her hips.

"If you're nervous about doing this, then we don't have to. Your dream, your rules." Ryan said as his rubbed his thumbs in circles on Hope's sides. "If we've had sex before, then there's no reason to be nervous now. If we've managed to get to the point of being engaged without having sex, then you have every reason to be nervous. But you decide how far we've gone."

"I want us to have had sex before." Hope said slowly. "But knowing that I've never had sex before, it's a bit intimidating." She admitted.

"Would you like me to take the lead this time?" Ryan asked.

"Yes please." Hope repeated and let Ryan roll them over.

Hope looked up at Ryan with hooded eyes. As Ryan's hands lightly roamed over her body and to the waistband of her shorts, Hope's breath hitched and she bit her lower lip. In a slow blink of her eyes, Ryan had her shorts off and she was laying naked beneath him. But before she had a chance to feel self-conscious, Ryan had removed his jeans and boxers as well. Pulling the covers up over their bodies, Ryan hovered over Hope's body before leaning down and pressing his lips to hers. Right before they were joined, Hope was shaken awake and she let out a groan of frustration as she opened her eyes to glare at the intruder.

"What the hell are you doing here, Landon? It's the middle of the night." Hope asked as she spared a brief look at her body and was glad to find herself still clothed.

"Well, we had been sharing a bed before you jumped into the pit with my ass of a brother. I figured you wouldn't mind if I joined you tonight, since we're back together." Landon said.

"Actually, I do mind. I mind quite a bit, to be perfectly honest. So please, just leave. We can talk about what we are in the morning." Hope said as she physically pushed him off of her bed. "And for the record, Ryan is not an ass, not completely." She added.

"Was. He's dead Hope." Landon commented.

"No, he's not. The body that was beheaded was the simulation of your subconscious that allowed Ryan to transfer his consciousness into him. I spelled him to look like himself instead of you. His actual body went missing after the transfer. Not that you would have known any of that, since you ran off like the coward you know you are." Hope growled.

"What the hell has gotten into you Hope? This isn't the girl that I fell in love with." Landon asked, completely bewildered.

"The girl you fell in love with is gone, Landon. I was in the pit for 5 months with Ryan while you were busy sticking your tongue down my best friend's throat. I've changed a lot since that night in Georgia, and I'm not about to go back to being that girl." Hope said. "Now get the hell out of my room."

With more power than she had ever used against someone before while in her right mind, Hope tossed Landon against the wall by her door. For the smallest millisecond, Hope thought she might have killed him, but then he lifted himself off of the floor and looked at her. He was fuming, but so was Hope, and between the two of them, Hope was the more dangerous one. Hope could feel her wolf itching to come out and tear Landon apart for insulting Ryan. It was becoming even more evident to her that Ryan was her mate. And wolves were very protective of their mates.

"You can't kill me, Hope." Landon commented.

"You're right, I can't. But I will not let you talk badly against him ever again." Hope seethed as she produced a ball of energy in between her hands and glared at Landon. "If you so much as speak a syllable of anything negative against Ryan ever again, you will regret it, Kirby." She said and blasted him with magic.

When Landon lifted himself off of the floor again, he looked more pissed off than hurt by her actions and words but left without another word. With a shaking hand, Hope used magic to slam her door shut and lock it before she wrapped her arms around herself and fell to her knees. She was thankful that the tears fell silently this time, and only once they had subsided did she lift herself back up to her feet and climb back into bed. Pulling her covers back over her body shakily, Hope closed her eyes. She needed Ryan right now.

"Who woke you up this time, Sweetheart?"