spongebob patrick do blockbuster season 2 episode 7 "spongebob wants a cigarette"
(the crew at blockbuster)
benjamin: i gotta say, i really missed you rascals breaking all the rules
patrick: we didnt miss you
benjamin: ahhh. i miss being disrespected
chris: patrick, you were barley at the hospital.
patrick: yeah i was getting drunk and getting my dick sucked because unlike you basket cases, i stay positive (reaches into his back pack and cracks open a keystone light) well, it's half off at the tattoo place today. see you later (leaves)
shadow: isn't it weird that the guy who nearly killed me is still around us
spongebob: i dont even know what weird is these days. life's so fucked up
(2 hipsters walk in)
hipster 1: ohhh i love it. a hyper corporation just casually posted next to the gourmet bakery and cyber punk club. how ironic
hipster 2: do you have any art house films
(spongebob looks visibly pissed off)
spongebob: god dammit i need i cigarette. (goes off for one)
(shadow joins him)
spongebob: hey dude
shadow: whats up ( he puts the cig in his mouth and does the lighter motion with his hand and spongebob lights it fit him)
spongebob: nothin much. just enjoying my hometown before the gentrification has me moving to boonton...hell i can't even afford that, it'll most likely be craberson
shadow: sigh. i wish i can relate but i feel trapped in myself and my money.
spongebob: it's just tough. 21 and im at a point where im just sluggin through life. getting high, working at this piece of shit place so i can buy beer and pay 320 a month to live in my pineapple. that number is going up. it's just...i never pictured it would be like this
shadow: yep. i know that feeling. getting old, trying to blank out the prospected growth, well, refusing the growth if we're being real with ourselves. look at me. im 30. one day you'll be 30 and feel like me. and i'll...i'll be 39.
spongebob: i hate life
shadow: i can make a toast to that. im a damn piece of shit any how, so i toast this cig to us. sluggin away and smokin away til we die
(inside the store. amanda and chris begins the counter)
chris: no one comes in here anymore. what the fuck
amanda: yeah...profits are so down. a week like this isn't too bad but we're going on a fuckin month
(benjamin on the phone with tony soclamo)
benjamin: so these drinks, are you sure they'll sell?
tony soclamo: yeah, they're the best selling energy drink at walmart up on route 3
benjamin: ok. are you sure nothing bad will happen?
tony soclamo: nothin. don't worry
benjamin: ok. ill go over to the badfish bing to pick up the cases. whats the stuff called again?
tony soclamo: asteroidea energy boost
benjamin; oh ah..ok
(patrick getting a tattoo)
patrick: sup henry b rollins. can i get the lyrics to wait and bleed by slipknot just above my pubes? i want girls to read "i felt the air rise up in me...inside my shell i wait and bleed" my while they're suckin the d
henry b rollins: alright man.
patrick: (lays down and the tattoo guy goes) yeah life is dog shit right now. nothin to do but get drunk, fuck, force myself to pass out cuz that high is underrated and then drunk sleep. that's life lol. it sucks but i make it fun with a touch of hedonism
henry b rollins: damn pat you just on a bender?
patrick: yeah im kinda homeless lol
henry b rollins: you need a place to crash?
patrick: yeah, thatd be fucking sweet
henry b rollins: ok. im not far from you. pompton lakes.
patrick: sick bro. thanks so much dude
(spongebob at the bargain mart shopping)
spongebob: (going up the the bananas and notices the price) what the fuck, 72 cents per pound?
(old man jenkins comes)
old man jenkins: yeah, since all of those weird looking young individuals moved here, they've been going to the whole foods for organic fruits and vegetables. i got them shipped here
spongebob: why old man jenkins?
old man jenkins: i need this place to stay standing somehow
spongebob: think of all the working class families here who just wants to buy bananas for 12 cents a pound. this is ridiculous
old man jenkins: i know spongebob. i know
(hipsters approach the bananas)
hipster: wow 72 cents per pound? what a deal! perfect for my vegan macadamia nut brownies! sub butter for bananas to help save the manatees
spongebob: so you think an individual eating vegan is gonna eliminate factory farms?
hipster: not if people like you eat burgers and processed gooey shit
spongebob: oh you, a sensitive little freak cares about a stupid fucking manatee when you and your gross kind are changing the strong-humble north jersey town of bikini bottom
hipster: i guess someone doesnt like class...
spongebob: yeah. their name is some douche bag white privileged ass hipster who selfishly moves where all his degenerate liberal friends deem cool when in reality their making it too expensive for the lower-middle class to live here. you fucking classist. fuck i need a cigarette
(goes out for a smoke. the song hierophant by king woman plays)
(spongebob observes the area he is around. he goes to a pay phone)
(shadow answers)
shadow: hello
spongebob: hey. what are you doing ?
shadow: drinking. watching reruns of daria
spongebob: wanna get trashed together
shadow: fuck yeah
(benjamin at the badfish bing. getting the energy drinks)
benjamin: so whats the deal again ?
tony soclamo: you sell these in your store. we get 60%
benjamin: dont you think $2.75 is too much for an energy drink?
squilvio: this cock suckin drink is gonna attract all of those new assholes in town. you tell them an energy drink has 0g of sugar and 0 calories and does something to you, those cock sukahs will be all over it.
benjamin: ok
paulie whalenuts: and if you fuck up...let's just say don't fuck up
(benjamin looks scared)
benjamin: ok ok.
(patrick at henry b rollins' place)
henry b rollins: yeah, you can just pass out anywhere. you can smoke, fuck, piss on the floor, whatever. this place is already a fucking mess
patrick: word. i foresee a decent chapter of my life coming
henry b rollins: im gonna do some heroin.
patrick: word
(henry b rollins goes to the other room)
(patrick looks around and notices stacks of cash)
patrick: yo henry b rollins why do you have stacks of cash?
henry b rollins: (comes out all heroined out) let's wrestle (he jumps in patrick and patrick slams him to the ground)
patrick: dude chill the fuck out!
henry b rollins: i sell drugs, you in?
patrick:...fuck yeah
henry b rollins: wooooo. ima blow more coke. (gives him a note book and a bag) these are my rounds and goods.
patrick: like captain picard says "The road from legitimate suspicion to rampant paranoia is very much shorter than we think"
henry b rollins: (takes the beer he's drinking and smashes it on his head " yeahhhhdhhhshhhshhdhhdh
(patrick goes in his car for the delivery that night)
patrick: (looks at the address) squidward? (he starts driving)
(spongebob and shadow at his house. there are several empty beers laying around)
spongebob: yeah. everything fucking blows. hipsters are ruining things. patrick's ruining things. my job sucks. my life sucks. and my town is turning into. (gulp) hoboken (cringes)
shadow: (sigh) i saw this happen in san francisco as a child. it blows dude. now it's happening to our home. bikini bottom, new jersey.
spongebob: i thought we'd be the same strong 42% non white town as we've been since 1847
shadow: uhhh. yeah also before that...the lenape and ramapough tribes were strong
spongebob: uh so that's why the town is called ramapo
shadow: don't you mean clamapo
spongebob: oh yeah. i do
shadow: what should we do about the gentrification ?
spongebob: we need to make our identity known. tomorrow at work we will show who we are. first look at me shotgun this beer (shotguns a beer) i'm crazy man! (crushes the can on his head) sponges feel no pain! except for the pain in my heart over the town i know and love slowly fading into hipster obscurity
shadow: dude. ur actually keats. write poetry
spongebob: that's it. beat poetry. get all of the people riled up over these hipster assholes
shadow: hell yeah. after our hang overs tomorrow we shall begin
(patrick selling to squidward)
patrick: yo squidward you actually do coke
squidward: yeah so what?
patrick: nah dude. no judgement. can i blow a line?
squidward: hell yeah
(patrick lines one up and takes it)
patrick: that's the stuff!
squidward: so how've you been
patrick: literally so shitty lol. my life is actually falling apart in front of my own eyes. the decisions i've made...one thing i've learned about myself is i can murder and old person and a child and feel absolutely no remorse. so yeah lol
squidward: you've killed a child?
patrick: yes. he was like 8 lol
squidward: well it was nice seeing you, patrick.
patrick: yeah, lemme sniff another line and i'll be out
(patrick walking home all coked up)
(his cell rings. he picks up)
patrick: hello you've reached taco bell home of the taco bell what's your beans?
miles: hey patrick...im pregnant
(a shot of patrick's face)
patrick:...ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk