If Only In My Dreams

Chapter 4

Hope gasped as Ryan pulled back and gave her a surprised look. Neither of them knew what to do, or what to say, so they just stood there, staring at each other, both shocked over Hope's admission. It had been one thing for Ryan to have implied he loved her on the phone the night before; they hadn't been able to actually see each other when he implied it. But having Hope admit that she loved him, when she was standing in front of him, both of them completely naked in the hallway of their home in Hope's dreamscape... that was a totally different thing altogether. Hope desperately wanted to say something, anything, to recover from the shock, but while she kept opening and closing her mouth, nothing was coming out. So she quickly stopped trying and leaned back against the wall to put a little bit more space between her and Ryan, while not breaking contact with him completely.

"You really do love me?" Ryan asked slowly.

"Yes... I... my inner wolf claimed you, Ryan. You're my mate." Hope replied slowly.

"You're mate?"

"It's a wolf thing. It means we're connected on the most intimate level possible, even if there isn't that physical intimacy. This version of you might not be real, even though I've imagined you to be as real as possible, but I know that you aren't truly dead. I can feel that you are still alive. I'm not sure how, since the body your consciousness was last in was beheaded, and the head was dropped into the portal, but I know that you're still out there. And I plan to find your body, Ryan." Hope explained.

"So if once you find my body, and reunite me with my consciousness, if you were to die, or be presumably killed, I would sense it?" Ryan asked.

"I don't think so. I can sense it because I'm a werewolf; you aren't, so I don't think you would be able to sense it. But then again, I've never heard of a wolf mating with a non-wolf, so I don't know how this whole thing works. And frankly, I think my dad realized my mom was his mate too late, and I don't want that to be us." Hope said with a frown before falling silent and looking away from Ryan.

Noting her discomfort over where the conversation was going, Ryan tilted her head up and pressed his lips to hers before lifting her into his arms. Hope responded immediately by wrapping her arms and legs around Ryan's body. Hope thought that Ryan would walk them back to bed, but instead he filled her pussy in one quick motion and made love to her against the wall in the hallway. The sensations that Hope felt this time around were different than when they had made love the night before, but she didn't dwell on that. She just chalked it up to them being in a different position than before and being in a different location. It was only once Hope had come down from her high that Ryan carried her back to bed.

"Hope?" Ryan asked softly as he wrapped an arm around Hope's waist and pressed a kiss to her shoulder.

"Yes, Ryan?"

"Where exactly are we?" Ryan asked. Of all the things Hope thought he would ask, that wasn't it.

"I'm not sure. All I know is that it's not Mystic Falls, and it's not New Orleans." Hope replied as she let out a sigh and linked their fingers together over her stomach.

"We'll have to go exploring then." Ryan commented.

"The only exploring that I want to do, is of your body." Hope muttered as she closed her eyes.

"That's dangerous territory, Sweetheart." Ryan warned as he flattened his hand and ran it over her stomach and to the tops of her thigh.

"I'm not afraid of a little danger, Ryan. If I was, I never would have tried to sacrifice myself in an attempt to stop..." Hope trailed off as Ryan gripped her hip. "Your body... it's with him, isn't?" She asked in a small voice.

"I don't know, Hope. This is your dreamscape. I don't have the power to create a place like this. Anything that happened before you created this place for us, that you know the answer to, I know. Anything that's happened since then, or that happened that you don't know the answer to, I don't know about." Ryan said as he rolled Hope onto her back and leaned over her. "I wish I could tell you where to look for my body, Sweetheart. Nothing would make me happier than being able to hold you in my arms for real." He added. "To be able to worship your body with kisses. To tell you in person how much I love you." He continued. "God, Hope, I just want to be with you in all the ways we've avoided thus far."

Tears filled Hope's eyes at Ryan's words. She wanted everything with him that he was saying he wanted with her. And that's the part that hurt the most. The figment of her imagination that had taken the shape of Ryan was just telling her what she wanted. It wasn't real. She had no idea if Ryan truly felt this way about her, or if she was just projecting her own feelings into this dream version of Ryan. Biting her lower lip, Hope tried to fight back the tears that wanted to fall, but Ryan wouldn't let her. Running his thumb along her chin, he lightly tugged her lip out from her teeth and pressed a kiss to her lips.

"What's wrong, Hope? I hate seeing you cry." Ryan said as he wiped the tears away as they fell.

"None of this is real." Hope whispered. "You're saying what I wish you would say. And I'm projecting my feelings for you into a dream version of you. And none of it is real. You said it yourself. Many times. This is all a dream."

"Hope, you heard the words I didn't say on the phone. Why else would I have covered up the admittance of not hating you, leaving the implication that I love you, so quickly by saying that the truth spell was still working? This isn't just projecting your feelings Hope, this is how you know I feel about you." Ryan commented.

"But that's just it, Ryan. I don't know if that's what you were implying. It's what I wish you were implying. But until I can find your body, and your consciousness, I won't know for sure. All I'll have is this prefect dreamscape with you." Hope said as the tears started to fall faster.

"Shh, it's okay Sweetheart. I'm right here." Ryan whispered as he moved to sit back against the pillows and pulled Hope into his side while rubbing her back.
"For once I just want someone that I care about and love to not leave me." Hope whimpered through her tears as she clung to Ryan as best as she could.

"I'm not going anywhere, Sweetheart." Ryan whispered with a kiss to the top of her head.

Everything about he dreamscape was so surreal that it shouldn't have surprised Hope that she was able to cry herself to sleep there. But she did, and she was, and when she woke up, it took her a moment to get her bearings on which world she was in. Everything in the room was neatly placed away, and not a thing was out of place. Except for the few pieces of clothing that still lay about the floor. It was as her eyes moved about the room, taking in the clothes on the floor, the furnishings and the décor in general that a light from under a door caught her eye, and the sound of running water reached her ears, and Hope knew exactly which world she was in. Her dreamscape. Where nothing could harm her or Ryan from the real world. Slipping out from under the covers, Hope tiptoed across the bedroom and slipped into the bathroom, expecting to find Ryan, but finding it empty.

"No." Hope whispered to herself, horrified by the thought that something had actually gotten to Ryan.

"Hope?"

Hope spun around at Ryan's voice and let out a small cry of relief as she flung her arms around his neck and pulled him in for a deep kiss. A kiss that he returned with equal fervor. A kiss that had Ryan walking Hope backwards into the shower until her back collided with the wall. When Ryan moved his lips away from Hope's and started trailing them along her jaw and down her neck, Hope let out a soft sound that was a cross between a moan and a sigh. That sound turned to a gasp when Ryan lightly bit Hope's pulse point.

"Ryan..." Hope breathed out.

"Please don't tell me you're waking up, Sweetheart. I'm not finished with you yet." Ryan said with a sigh as he moved to rest his forehead on Hope's shoulder.

"No... I wasn't going to say that." Hope replied with a frown.

"Then what were you going to say?" Ryan asked.

"I was scared that something had happened to you. I'm just really happy that you're okay." Hope said softly.

"Hope, nothing can happen to me here. Not unless something happens to you in the real world." Ryan said as he pressed his lips to her forehead. "I'm not going anywhere, Sweetheart." He added.

Those 5 words started playing on repeat in her mind. Ryan had said them so many times since she had created the dreamscape, and it had her thinking that it was symbolic or something. Until she had an idea of where to look for his body, and then how to get his consciousness back from wherever it had ended up, he wasn't going to leave her heart. And then there was the fact that whenever she did wake up, she could still feel his touch and his kiss on her body. Some things that happened in this world came with her to the real world, so why was it not possible that his memory was able to be there too? Being pulled from her thoughts, Hope brought Ryan's lips to hers in a deep kiss.

"I love you, Ryan Clarke." Hope muttered against Ryan's lips.

"I love you too, Hope Mikaelson." Ryan replied and the dreamscape started to fade around them.

Hope sighed as she opened her eyes. She was back in her room at school and Lizzie was sitting on her bed, staring expectantly at her. Sitting up, Hope noticed that Kaleb was sitting over by the window, his eyes cast outside, as if expecting an attack. Raising an eyebrow at the blonde, Hope waited for her friend to say something.

"You were asleep for a whole day, Hope. You sure you're okay?" Lizzie asked, reaching out to take the older girl's hand.

"I'll be fine Lizzie." Hope replied. "And honestly, that was the best sleep I've had in a while. Probably even since before Malivore." She added.

"Were you with...?" Lizzie asked and Hope blushed.

"Yes." Hope said as she pulled a pillow onto her lap and hid her face. "I unintentionally created a dreamscape for us. It always picks up right where it left off when I wake up, or when I'm woken up, and Ryan's there, waiting for me." She explained, despite the fact that it came out muffled because of the pillow.

"I didn't catch any of that." Lizzie said.

"I did. Our girl has been getting it on with her mudman in her dreams." Kaleb commented, his gaze never leaving the window.

"Really? Tell me everything." Lizzie said, scooting closer with a gleam in her eye.

"I don't want to know anything. Unless it pertains to how we're going to get him back for you, Hope." Kaleb said.

"I have no real ideas of where to look for his body. Or even where to begin to locate his consciousness." Hope said as she laid back down and stared at the ceiling. "I have a hunch of where his body might be... or more specifically, who his body might be with, but I don't know where to start looking for it."

"A hunch is better than nothing, Hope." Lizzie pointed out.

"I think, somehow, Malivore has Ryan's body." Hope whispered.

"How would that even be possible? There is no indication that Malivore has had a body of his own since way, way, way before you went into the pit. How would he have Ryan's body now?" Lizzie asked.

"I don't know Liz." Hope replied with a sigh.

"Maybe we're looking for the wrong thing." Kaleb commented, finally turned towards the two girls.

"What do you mean? What else other than a huge mud monster would we be looking for?" Lizzie questioned.

"Ryan told Landon that Malivore had been creating "children" in his image, but as he continued to do so, they started to look more human. Maybe Kaleb is right. Maybe we shouldn't be looking for a mud monster. Maybe we should be looking for a human." Hope said slowly.

"What would he look like, and how would we even find him?"

"We're going to need to find video surveillance footage from the night Ryan and I went into the pit, from around Triad's location." Hope said as a warm feeling flooded her system.

They could find Ryan and bring him back to her. They could bring him home.