If Only In My Dreams
Chapter 7
Hope didn't remember falling asleep. Nor did she remember making it to her room when she, Lizzie, Kaleb and Dr. Saltzman got back to the school. Hell, she didn't even remember getting back to the school. What she did remember was the nauseating lack of safety that she felt, and not being able to reach Ryan. Why hadn't she been able to reach him when she had closed her eyes? But as she slowly opened her eyes and sat up, Hope let out a sigh. Lizzie was lying next to her, and Kaleb was sitting by the window again. A sense of déjà vu washed over her, but she kept her mouth shut about it. Kaleb must have heard the change in her heartbeat, because as Hope's hands fell into her lap after pushing herself into an upright sitting position, the vampire turned towards her with a look of worry on his face.
"What happened out there, Hope?" Kaleb asked, his voice low, but carrying over to her in the otherwise silent room.
"I don't know. Before I went into the control room, I was back with Ryan, in my dreamscape, and everything was fine. And then after that... nothing. I felt empty, like something was missing. And when we left, I couldn't get back to him. Kaleb, I think something happened to me while we were at Triad Industries, and I think the dreamscape, which I made to keep Ryan's memory safe, I think it was destroyed, or tampered with." Hope said before biting her lower lip in an attempt to keep the tears at bay.
"Hey, don't think like that. The last time you were at that place, you were trying to sacrifice yourself to save the people that you love. It's probably just a case of PTSD." Kaleb said as he moved to Hope's side in a blink of an eye. "You went through something traumatic last time and being back there just rattled you." He added. "Just close your eyes, take some deep breaths and relax, and I'm sure you'll be able to get back to your mud man."
"Thank you, Kaleb." Hope said before she did as he suggested.
After taking a few deep breaths, Hope slowly opened her eyes to find herself staring into the concerned gaze of Ryan.
"You left me alone." Hope whispered as her eyes filled with hot tears.
"I'm sorry, Sweetheart. That wasn't my intention. At least, probably not in the way you're thinking." Ryan replied as he pulled her into a sitting position then onto his lap.
"What did you do?" Hope asked.
"I blocked the connection." Ryan replied and quickly continued when he saw the hurt in Hope's eyes. "I saw what had happened to Triad, and to those agents, Hope. I told you that earlier. But no one knew who or what had caused that destruction. I didn't want to risk the safe haven that you've created for us here by allowing your mind to be vulnerable to my father, if he was behind everything. So until I was sure that you were safely away from him, I blocked you from getting here."
"I felt like I was alone, Ryan. Like I wasn't at my full strength or the peak of my power. I felt like I was missing a part of myself. Like how my father explained having one's werewolf side bound. I felt like a liability to my friends, Ryan. I hate feeling like that." Hope said as the tears overflowed and her vision blurred.
"I'm so sorry, Sweetheart. That was definitely not my intention. I wanted to protect us from my father, and I didn't stop to think how that would make you feel in the real world." Ryan said as he wiped the tears away with his thumbs. "Can you forgive me?" He asked while leaning in and nuzzling her neck.
"Eventually. Right now I need to let myself be upset that you left me feeling vulnerable." Hope replied as she wrapped her arms tightly around Ryan's neck.
"Fair enough. Can I at least bring you upstairs to bed?" He asked.
"Yes."
As Ryan stood up, Hope wrapped her legs around his waist and rested her head on his shoulder. It wasn't the most comfortable way for Ryan to carry her upstairs, but it was the way that Hope needed to be held in that moment. As they reached the top of the stairs, and went to pass the second bedroom, Hope stopped Ryan and unwrapped herself from around him, and stepped into the room. Weaving her way through the few stacks of boxes, Hope stopped at the crib and ran her fingers over the wood. Wrapping her arms around her stomach, Hope started shaking as tears fell from her eyes. Ryan was by her side, pulling her into his embrace in seconds, whispering words of encouragement and rubbing her back soothingly.
"What's wrong, Sweetheart?" Ryan asked softly.
"This was my crib when I was a baby. My dad built it for me." Hope whispered as she buried her face in Ryan's chest.
"And one day in the future, it'll be the crib that our baby sleeps in." Ryan replied softly.
"Not if I can't find your body. The footage from the night we went into the pit... it's been tampered with. It cuts from us going in, to Landon waking up, and the pit being empty." Hope said sullenly as she pulled back enough to wipe the tears from her cheeks.
"I have the utmost faith that you and your friends will figure it out." Ryan commented.
"We downloaded everything we could from the servers at Triad onto external hard drives. There's one guy as school who's great at tech stuff, so I'm hoping he'll be able to recover the erased footage." Hope said, wrapping her arms around Ryan's waist and staring at the crib.
"Would you be upset if I told you I've thought of names?" Ryan whispered.
"You have?" Hope asked.
"I have. I need to do something to occupy my time when you're in the land of the awake." Ryan replied with a soft smile as he led her away from the crib and into their room.
"What names have you picked?"
"Promise you won't laugh?"
"Well, that really depends on what the names are."
"Fair enough. To honor your father, either Nicholas, or Nicole. And to honor your mother, Andre, or Andrea."
"How do you know my mother's birth name?"
"I'm in your head, Hope, remember? But aside from that, one of the things I found while exploring the house was a birth announcement for you. 'Niklaus Mikaelson and Andrea Labonair announce the birth of their daughter, Hope Andrea Mikaelson.' I hope you're not upset that I found that."
"How can I...? It doesn't exist in the real world."
Ryan took a sharp breath as Hope pulled her knees up to her chest. Clearly there was still things that he needed to learn about the woman he loved. Moving to lean back against the pillows, Ryan gently pulled up to hold her against his side. Wrapping an arm around Hope's shoulders, Ryan ran his fingers through her hair while lacing their fingers together with his other hand. There was so much pain that she had gone through in her life that he wanted to be able to fix, just so she would feel better, but he doubted that if he had the power to go back and change the tragedies in her past, that Hope would still be the same woman that he had fallen in love with. So the only thing that he could do now was hold her when she got upset and wait patiently for her to be ready to tell him what she was upset about.
"My birth wasn't a conventional one." Hope said a few minutes later, breaking the silence with a shuddering breath. "The French Quarter Witches... they were communing with the Spirits... and my grandmother, my dad's mom, she was telling them to kill me. They took my mom and induced her labor. When my dad showed up to try and save her, one of the witches used magic to hold him against the wall as I was delivered. The witch that was in charge, she allowed my mom to hold me for a moment before my mom's throat was slit by one of the other witches." She explained as a fresh wave of tears burst through.
"Shh, it's okay Sweetheart. Take your time. I'm not going anywhere." Ryan reassured her.
"The witches took me to the center of the cemetery to try and sacrifice me. I wasn't told the whole story, but I was told that my adopted older brother, Marcel, he saved me. But because of a lot of other things that were going on in the city at that time, my family decided it was best if everyone believed I had died when I was only a few hours old. My family compelled anyone who knew the truth to believe that I had died, including Marcel. My Aunt Rebekah raised me for the first 6 months or so of my life." Hope continued.
"So you're parents weren't able to celebrate your birth." Ryan concluded.
"No, they weren't. Instead of celebrating it, they had to be seen grieving my supposed death to keep me safe."
"I'm so sorry, Hope."
"I've spent most of my life with at least one parent gone. I should be used to it by now, but it still hurts. They both died because of me."
"You are not to blame for your mother's death. Or your father's."
"I attacked my mom with magic and had a hybrid that I sired carry her to the attic of Saint Anne's church. I placed a cloaking spell on her that I created, and then the guy that I had a crush on, on his mother's orders, tricked me into letting him get close. I invited him into my family's home, and when he brushed a strand of my hair behind my ear, he was able to see into my mind, because he was a vampire. He abducted my mom, and then eventually brought me to where she was being held. They had tortured her, mutilated her by cutting off the skin that held her birthmark, and then once I was there, got her to agree to bind her werewolf side to keep me safe. But because she was a hybrid, after having died with my vampire blood in her system when I was born, binding her werewolf side made her a vampire."
"And hybrids don't need daylight rings, so your mother didn't have one." Ryan concluded.
"No, she didn't. And thinking back on it, they probably chose to bind her werewolf side in the middle of the day for that very reason. The vampires that were involved all had daylight rings. So they probably figured that if they bound her werewolf side during the day, and then took me somewhere else, she wouldn't be able to protect me. That if they took me, they would have a decent head start on my mom. Because she would only be able to follow at night." Hope continued, with a shiver. "When she, uh, when she died, I had been unconscious, so all I know about it is what my father told me. But she um, she ripped the finger with the daylight ring off of my crush's mom's hand, and flung both of them out into the sun, and they both died instantly."
The second the last two words fell from Hope's lips, her body started shaking with silent sobs, and Ryan pulled her onto his lap and gently rocked her while whispering how sorry he was for blocking their connection. So far she had only told him how she lost her mother, but he could only imagine that losing her father had been just as horrific for her. He wasn't going to push her to tell him how her father died. When, and really only if, she was ready to tell him, Ryan had faith that she would do so. In the meantime he just wanted to hold her and let her know that everything was going to be okay going forward. That he wasn't going anywhere, not again.
"Have you ever heard of the Hollow?" Hope asked in a small voice.
"No, I haven't." Ryan replied while tucking Hope's head under his chin.
"She was this powerful witch. My ancestor. But the tribes that she was born into, as well as the other 4 or 5 tribes that were around them, they feared her power, because she killed without remorse. The night that the tribes had her mother kill her, she cast a spell that left a curse. There werewolf curse, creating the 6 or 7 different werewolf bloodlines. But they didn't know right away what she had done. They drew her and quartered her, and 4 of the tribes each took a separate bone from her remains and they scattered. When I was 7 years old, she had managed to possess a bunch of different people and was able to collect the 4 parts of her remains. And then she ended up possessing me. She was the start of our bloodline, and I was the end, and with as powerful as I can be, she needed that power to survive." Hope explained slowly.
"Please don't feel like you have to continue, Hope." Ryan commented.
"I want you to know." Hope whispered.
"And while I appreciate that, you just recounted how you lost your mother; so if you want to hold off on continuing to tell me how you lost your father, I understand." Ryan said. "I don't like seeing you cry, Hope. In fact, I downright hate it." He added while pressing a kiss to the top of Hope's head. "For right now, you need to get some sleep."
"Okay..." Hope agreed with a yawn as she snuggled closer against Ryan's chest and let her eyes close.
Legacies – IOIMD – Legacies
"Her breathing's evened out. Does that mean she fell asleep within her dream?" Lizzie asked as she watched Kaleb tuck Hope under the covers.
"I don't know, but I ain't goin' to go into her head to check. If she's sleepin' within her dream or not, she needs this. She's been stressed." Kaleb replied.
"Should we go find Wayne?" Lizzie asked.
"Not until she wakes up. She should be the one to ask for his help."
With a nod, Lizzie moved off of Hope's bed and towards the window seat. With a sigh she pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her cheek on top of them while looking out the window. Now that she had a moment to breathe, her mind was swirling. Everything with Sebastian and Josie and Landon had all been pushed to the back of her mind to help Hope, and on top of all of that, there was something stirring inside her whenever she looked at Kaleb now.
"You okay, Liz?" Kaleb asked as he took a seat across from her.
"Just trying to sort through all of my thoughts." Lizzie replied. "Am I a bad sister for being there more for Hope in the past few days than I have been for Josie?" She questioned in a small voice.
"Has Josie tried talking to you at all since the breakup?" Kaleb countered.
"No... but I haven't tried talking to her either. Which is why I'm asking if I'm a bad sister." Lizzie responded.
"Hey, everything came to a head all at once. Going to bring Landon back; everything that happened with Sebastian while you were going to get Landon; Landon breaking up with Josie; and Hope needing her friends. Even without us being here for Hope, you've had other things on your mind over the last few days. So why don't you go talk to your twin, and I'll stay here with our girl. When she wakes up, I'll call you."
"Thank you Kaleb. You're a really great guy."
As Lizzie stood up and went to pass the vampire, she leaned down and pressed a light kiss on his cheek. It was probably a mistake with how confused her thoughts already were, but she couldn't take it back now, and there was a part of her that didn't want to take it back. But she would deal with it after she had sorted through some of the other things that were swirling in her mind. And first on that list was seeing just how Josie was doing after things ended with Landon.
Legacies – IOIMD – Legacies
Hope stirred in her sleep and squeezed her eyes shut even tighter to try and stay asleep. But she was starting to get hungry, and there was a severe lack of a body beneath her, or next to her, that was making staying asleep difficult. Opening her eyes slowly, she let out a sigh. Ryan wasn't in bed with her. Before she could contemplate getting out of bed and going to find him, he came back into the room carrying a pile of boxes.
"What are those?" Hope asked.
"I um, thought that since we've started talking about the future, and kids and everything, that we could start going through the boxes that are in the other room." Ryan said as he put the pile down and rubbed the back of his neck. "If you want to, of course. We don't have to." He added.
"I'd like that." Hope replied with a nod.
"How did you sleep?" Ryan asked as he crossed the room to the bed and sat down next to her before pulling her into his side.
"Like I woke up with the man I love missing from our bed."
"I'm just making one mistake after another today, aren't I?"
"I've just lost so many people that I care about, Ryan, and when you're not here, I start to freak out that I've lost you for good, too, and I know that I won't be able to handle that."
"Okay. Then I promise to always be here."
Hope nodded at that and buried herself into Ryan's side. Wrapping her arms around his waist and draping a leg over his, Hope pressed herself as close to Ryan's body as she could. She hadn't handled seeing a body that looked like him dead, so she knew that losing him for real would be the last straw before she completely broke, and she wasn't about to let that happen. Even if it was just an elaborate dreamscape version of him that she clung to. But she also knew that once she woke up, and they talked to Wayne- or was it Wade? – that she would be one step closer to finding Ryan's body. She wasn't going to stop searching for ways to bring her mud man back to her until she had him in her arms and in her bed in the real world.
"Hope?" Ryan whispered.
"Hmm?"
"I love you so much, Sweetheart. I don't care about anything else, as long you hold onto the knowledge that I love you. I fell pretty quickly when we first met in Kansas. I knew from the moment you and Alaric walked back to his Jeep that I wanted to see you again, and I can't explain how thrilled I was when we crossed paths in Maple Hollows. I know I didn't show it, but the fact that your reaction to seeing me meant that there was a good chance that you remembered us meeting in Kansas, it made me feel like my life had meaning." Ryan said.
"I love you too, baby. I didn't want to admit it to myself back then, or any time after that until the other night, but I started falling for you that day in Kansas, as well. I used to feel like I was supposed to be with Landon. You know that whole, 'if you love something set it free and if it comes back, it's meant to be', thing. We had met 2 years ago, and the night leading into my first transformation, it was the last night that I saw him before the night Dr. Saltzman and I went to get Raf and bring him to the school. And even though everything with Landon quickly started falling apart because of the lies he kept telling, or the perceived lies, I felt like I owed it to him to love him. So I was focused on that and wasn't willing to open myself up to anything else, or anyone else. I realize now that I didn't love him like I thought. I never did. It was a silly teenage girl crush on the human boy that made me feel normal." Hope replied as she lifted her head to look up at Ryan.
"And um, what about, what about me?" Ryan asked.
"If I had let myself let you in earlier, I never would have let you go, and maybe all of this would be closer to being a reality already." Hope said. "And there's a major difference between you and Landon. He always ran when things got just a little too hard to handle. You don't strike me as the kind of guy that would do that." She added.
"Thank you for saying, in so many words, that I'm not a coward like my loser little brother." Ryan commented, his voice laced with annoyance at just the thought of him being anything like Landon.
"You're welcome." Hope replied with a small smirk. "But I'm serious, Ryan. You truly don't seem like the kind of guy that would just run away. You'd stay and work things out, right?"
"Hope, Sweetheart, I would never willingly leave you. The only way that it would ever happen would be if I was forced away from you, or I was killed by my father."
Hope sat up quickly and turned to fully face Ryan who was giving her a confused look. Tilting her head, Hope took in everything about Ryan's features, doing what she could to commit them to her memory. Why she felt the need to do that within a dream, when she had already committed his features to memory in order to have him here... well, that was something Hope didn't dwell on. Ryan had just said the six words that Hope had never allowed herself to think or consider; even before she admitted that she loved him. Ryan was linked to Malivore, and if Malivore so chose to do, he could end Ryan's life without so much as a second thought. Hope wasn't going to let that happen.