spongebob patrick do blockbuster season 2 episode 11 "spongebob, the arsonist"
(patrick hanging out back in blockbuster shooting his gun at the dumpster)
(inside. the crew discussing while they are decorating for christmas)
amanda: spongebob, i know heroin. i've abused it. that's a guy on heroin
spongebob: it just makes no sense. why would he do heroin?
chris: are you really saying that? patrick is a murderer, spongerobert
spongebob: i hate patrick and i hate christmas
benjamin: yeah he's completely fucked up. in fact, i need a word with him
(he goes out)
benjamin: hello, patrick
patrick: ahh! (goes up to benjamin and puts the gun to his dead) die bitch!
benjamin: (screams )
patrick: (pulls the trigger) ha! it's not loaded, got you assholeeeeeee
benjamin: neptune dammit
patrick: yeah i'm crazy!!!;000""
benjamin: patrick, i feel so bad for what i had done
patrick: what's that now?
benjamin: ya know. killing that guy
patrick: oh yeah. pshh who cares
benjamin: i do. i feel bad
patrick: you killed bad people. get over it
benjamin: i ended someone's life.
patrick: ok, that doesn't even matter, like, you killed the don of new jersey. you did something good
benjamin: i keep trying to tell myself that
patrick: well keep doing it. only a woman acts like that, but then again you are kind of a woman
benjamin: ok pat. as long as no one knows. but i'll always know (goes inside)
patrick: cool, now i can do heroin (he goes behind the dumpster and shoots up)
(inside of blockbuster)
(news 12 new jersey playing)
tv: the mafia is looking for the person responsible over mysterious murder of mob boss tony soclamo. the mob is based around the towns of codwell, lodi, nutley and belleville. as to why the murders of squilvio dante, paulie whalenuts and tony soclamo happened in bikini bottom are unknown
benjamin: wow what a mess
spongebob: damn someone really took out 3 made guys including the boss
amanda: yeah gutsy guy
benjamin: maybe they did it because they were threatened
chris: well obviously they were
(shadow comes in)
shadow: hey guys
benjamin: do you still work here?
shadow: nah im moving
amanda: moving, where and when?
shadow: tucson, arizona and after the new year
chris: fuck that's soon
shadow: yep. im having a go away/christmas party next week. we'll have one more night to do what we do
sponebob: well we were gonna leave and get those hipsters pissed off again
shadow: where at?
amanda: outside of whole foods.
shadow: oh im there dude. i'll also tell mad hipsters about san francisco. that'll get them out probably. actually no
(patrick comes in)
patrick: hey fuck faces. im goin on a ride (leaves)
(patrick at the trailer park with miles)
miles: (gets in the truck) hey pat
patrick: wanna fuck?
miles: no i wanna talk since you've been ducking me
patrick: what you said you wanna fuck
miles: i said that so you'll come here
patrick: wow you really got me to come here under false pretenses. it better be good news cuz why else would i talk to you while having a boner?
miles: what would you consider good news
patrick: that you're getting an abortion
miles: im not
patrick: what? ok, be my guest. raise a kid and have a good time doing it cuz you won't be seeing me near that thing
miles: wow look at you. grow up. i've grown since this baby started growing inside of me. you haven't
patrick: if you "grew" then you would realize that us having a baby is not a good idea. im a star and you're a resin. we have bad genes, i turned out ok, you...i guess you're ok but we're actually gonna have a devil baby
miles: wow patrick you suck dude haha. i mean it's true but still, you didn't turn out ok and neither did i
patrick: why dont you smoke and drink a lot and hope for the best
miles: wow it's happening to me
patrick: what is?
miles: im having a kid and the father is gonna be out of the picture.
patrick: so what? dads suck. my dad abused me, your dad abused you and im probably gonna follow that path cuz that's all we know
miles: ya know, you're actually speaking sensical...kind of
patrick: all right. well we can go to spongebobs place, fuck and do drugs. can we fuck?
miles: yes
(spongebobs crew fucking shit up at whole foods. an over head shot of them partying)
spongebob: the hipsters haven't been around. did we win?
(they go into whole foods)
shadow: where are all the assholes? no way they all moved out
chris: they did only to a few
(random whole foods worker)
random whole foods worker: if you're wondering where all of those individuals went, some moved to bayonne and others are at the coffee place that opened on bikini ave south
spongebob: dammit i knew that would be brought up in the plot again. let's get our asses over there
(patrick and miles fucking on spongebobs bed)
(they finish)
patrick: ohh ya. nice shit. nice shit
miles: so you wanna be a father or what?
patrick: neptune dammit. way to kill the sex high (lights a cigarette)
miles: come on patrick this is important
patrick: ok. i just wanna say if you're smart, you wouldn't let me father this child. i mask all of the hatred i have towards myself by boosting myself up, but i am no father
miles: patrick, you can at least try to improve cuz im having this baby
patrick: give me a second (he goes into the bathroom and does heroin)
(he hides all of the heroin stuff and goes back out)
patrick: ya know what miles. let's raise a baby
miles: really?
patrick: yeah why not. fuck it my life already sucks
miles: are you ok ?
patrick: is that a rhetorical question?
miles:...no what the fuck?
patrick: fuck let's get stoned to zeppelin (he puts the zeppelin in the vinyl player and starts rolling a blunt)
miles: dont you wanna tell me whats wrong with your life?
patrick: haha that's so funny that you're asking that. just chill out to the tunes (sparks the blunt)
(spongebobs crew at the coffee place)
spongebob: (notices the price) 3 dollars for a cup of coffee. wow this is some crap!
(hipster approaches)
hipster: hello, welcome to the bean
chris: the bean?
amanda: wow i've never heard a dumber name than that
hipster; well the community pretty much survives off the bean. we gotta keep that up cuz everyone is moving to bayonne
spongebob: what community are you speaking of? all of those 25 year old assholes who moved here? yeah, i can tell that one over there (shows hipster) is a systems analyst who pretends to be an artist and that one over there (shows hipster) pretends to be a struggling musician but in reality has rich parents funding his living. fuck this (gives guy the finger and they leave)
amanda: what do we do
spongebob: well, the guy said those creatures survive cuz of that place. all we have to do is burn it down
chris: are you serious ?
spongebob: yep. it's time to take a different approach. let's meet at the pineapple at midnight
(spongebob hanging out with shadow)
spongebob: so in order to get the scum out, we burn their coffee shop
shadow: are you serious?
spongebob: yeah. im getting to that point.
shadow; be careful
spongebob: i will. anyways hows it going?
shadow: im just waiting out the days.
spongebob: i hear yah
shadow: yep. i don't have much else to do here
spongebob: damn shadow, i know it's your life and it's for the best but im not ready for you to leave
shadow: well i am. we'll talk on the phone man
spongebob: i love you
shadow: love you too bobby
(patrick at the pineapple alone. he does some heroin and chills. the arson crew convenes)
patrick: oh are we partying
chris: nope. arson
spongebob: we're burning down that new coffee place
patrick: cool. i'm just gonna chill and get high
amanda: you got any heroin?
patrick:...wa...what? no what the fuck. why u suggesting that?
amanda: alright pat
(they gather lighter fluid, gasoline)
(in the car. they're all dressed in black)
spongebob: alright. dont panic
chris: what do we do about cameras? they're gonna notice i'm a shrimp and that's spongebob is a spongebob
amanda: i think we can take care of those cameras
(they park and start walking)
spongebob: since you're paranoid, be our look out
amanda: what if an alarm goes off ?
spongebob: then we better be quick
(they approach the door)
chris: should we just break the glass
amanda: i got this
(amanda picks the lock)
amanda: yeah you learn a few things in the old sorority
(the go around pouring gasoline all over. )
spongebob: get it all in there
(outside chris is hanging and sees a teenager)
teen: dude what are you doing?
chris: just chillen
teen: did you just break in to that place
chris: does your mom hate you?
teen: what?
chris: are you on a walk at 1am cuz your mom pissed you off and do you feel unloved by your family
teen:(starts crying and runs off)
chris: yeah run off, little bitch
(inside)
spongebob: ok guys. i'll light the match from here (he is shown striking the match with his blockbuster match box and throws the match on the flame) let's dip!
(they get in the car and dip)
(the place is shown in flames)
chris: fuck yeah!!!!!!
spongebob: where am i taking us?
amanda: my place. we'll crash tonight to stay low key
(the next day. the hipsters are at the scene and the cops are there)
cop: well, i can tell you this was arson
coffee shop owner: who could've done this?
cop: we don't know. we did find a blockbuster match box at the scene
coffee shop owner: blockbuster huh
(the crew at blockbuster)
patrick: yeah that shit you were doing sounded cool but i was too fucked up lol
spongebob: yep. we did good
(the coffee shop owner enters)
(the crew gulps)
coffee shop owner: who burned down my coffee shop ?
spongebob: i don't know maybe you, mr. insurance fraud
coffee shop owner: there's some evidence that's leads to this place. a blockbuster match box
chris: ok
coffee shop owner: i'll be back.
patrick: no you won't.
coffee shop owner: by the time i get the place back up bikini bottom won't be the it town
spongebob: nope. we'll just be the same strong north jersey town we've always been
coffee shop owner: i'll be back
patrick: no you won't (grabs him and takes him out back) you want to open up another place when they're all gone? go to bayonne if anything. you don't wanna stay in this town, you don't wanna fuck with us. collect the insurance money and the the fuck out of here (throws him down)
coffee shop owner: ok ok im sorry. i'll leave you alone
patrick: haha you little baby. get the fuck out of this town, liberal...if you don't you'll hate your life, we'll make sure of that (grabs him again)
coffee shop owner: ok sorry please let me go
patrick: get out of here skinny bitch ! (throws him again)
(he runs off screaming )
(patrick goes inside)
patrick: he won't be bothering us anymore
spongebob: what'd you do?
patrick: instilled fear with threat. just like pops used to do
(awkward silence)
patrick: we got our town back
(they're all like "fuck yeah!"