On Thu, Dec 5, 2019 at 6:40 PM Kevin Meyer meyerk9@mail. wrote:
sponegbob patrick do blockbuster season 3 episode 14 "patricks golden shower"
(black screen: "kids these days...but i can't blame them, what else
are they gonna do?"-spongebob)
(patrick wakes up in the morning and goes for the bathroom. the door is locked)
patrick; come on spongebob, i have to pee really bad
spongebob: just give me a minute
patrick: come on (knocks)
sponegbob: dude fucking wait
patrick: fuck. (holding his dick) ahhh ohhhhhhh (takes out his dick
and starts peeing on the wall)
sponegbob: (walks out) ok it's yours...what the fuck?
patrick: (moves his body towards spongebob mid piss and pees on him)
spongebob: awww dude what the fuck
patrick: sorry. maybe if your prince charming ass didn't take 5 years
in the bathroom i wouldn't have to act this fucking barbaric. other
people live here ya know
sponegbob: dude i came out 30 seconds after you knocked. fucking clean it
patrick: (goes to the kitchen and grabs a single paper towel and
places it on the piss puddle) there. clean
sponegbob: are you fucking serious?
patrick: ugh fine (grabs a mop and a little soap and cleans it) wanna
hit the bagel guru before work?
spongebob: sure
patrick: yeah dude. devs gotta end the series tonight. that overtime
loss was fucking heartbreaking. especially when the camera showed
scott stevens just sitting on the ice after the stars scored, just
totally broken
(sack at the farm talking to forest)
sack: yep. everyone's buying now. we've really turned this farm around
forest: yeah...so much money. more than i've ever had
sack: i can say the same..ya wanna go to the bagel guru before we
start for some taylor ham sandwich's?
forest: nah. i'll stay and kill some snails and beetles
sack: good idea. i'll bring you back something
(sack goes to his truck and leaves and forest uses pesticides on the crops)
(sponegbob, chris, amanda, jade and patrick having a cigarette before
their shifts)
patrick: it was cool seeing sack at the bagel guru
amanda: hows he doing
spongebob: actually pretty well. not like when he lived with me, like
another person i know
patrick: oh my god i literally cleaned the fucking pee
spongebob: you fucking peed on me!
patrick: ugh youre actually filled with estrogen. fuck this. im gonna
smoke around people who actually respect me. oh wait, no one respects
me! okay, guess that means i have to smoke alone. (goes)
jade: damn. what the fuck
spongebob: i guess i have to go to. devils later tho
amanda: fuckin hyped
(patrick smoking in his truck jamming out to break stuff by limp bizkit)
patrick: but you wanna justify ripping someone's head off
(spongebob cleaning balls from the course with mohammad )
mohammad: so that was something at that party, baba
spongebob: sad is what it was. poor greg jr
mohammad: that kid is a nightmare
spongebob: well i barley know him
(kendall starts walking towards them)
mohammad: my gut tells me she isn't coming for me. see you baba (mozys off)
kendall: (approaches spongebob) wanna hit the smokers spot?
spongebob: yeah. mohammad's got it over here
: (they start walking
kendall: greg jr is going crazy
sponegbob: what's he up to?
kendall: well he got a poster of eric harris
spongebob: who?
kendall: one of the kids involved with that colorado school shooting last year
spongebob: they sell posters of him?
kendall: nah, im just breaking your balls. but he has been going crazy
spongebob: how?
kendall: well, he got a che guevara shirt, not knowing anything about him
spongebob: well that's not too bad. a lot of people rep him for some reason
kendall: well i'm just worried. i remember when greg and josie made me
go crazy when i was his age
spongebob: it's just angst. cobain invented it
kendall: who?
spongebob: really? ya know, nirvana? totally our time
kendall: oh yeah. i have the album with the angel on the cover. it's
better than the naked baby. ha again, just breaking your balls. i'm
familiar with kurt and the 3 albums nirvana did.
spongebob: in utero is excellent. what time is it?
kendall: last i checked like 11:45
sponegbob: word
kendall: so that guy i was with
spongebob: yeah i'm sorry for even asking. it's not like this is
anything, it was selfish of me
kendall: it's ok. it was adam steinbergs son. he had me a little
charmed but he just kept getting douchier. not like you
sponegbob: oh...uhh yeah. uhh
kendall: can't take a compliment?
spongebob: so it's almost noon. wanna get a drink?
kendall: yeah. this flask needs some refilling
(they go)
(forest laying on the farm with his pesticides smoking weed)
sack: forest, i got you a croissant (sees him laying near pesticides)
forest? are those pesticides!
forest: what...no
sack: yes they are. that tank says poison and has a skull
forest: ok it is. this is how we do it
(rain and grace come)
rain: oh my god
grace: what are you doing forest?
forest: sorry. but this is how we do it around here okay?
rain: no actually
forest: none of this damn hippy shit works. i wasted my life on this path
sack: i think you should go
forest: me too. good luck succeeding without pesticides
sack: get outta here, git !
(he leaves)
sack: i can't believe this
rain: me neither. what do we do?
sack: all we can do is work.
(at the bar)
spongebob: ya know, sometimes enough is enough. he just keeps pissing
me off, i don't know what to do. he could've just ran outside to pee
but he did it in my hallway !
jade: dude just kick him out
spongebob: it's not that easy. i can't just kick out my best friend
amanda: well your best friend is crazy
sponegbob: yeah. i'm aware
kendall: if greg didn't exist you'd be sleeping at my house
amanda: and just letting patrick live in the place spongebob rents?
spongebob: dammit. that reminds me i need to pay rent. i'm so broke man.
jade: i feel
(greg comes)
greg: oh. a site i love seeing, my daughter back here with the sponge
spongebob: hey mr. rosen
greg: and he still has no backbone
amanda: well yeah he's a sponge
spongebob: invertebrate dude
greg: it was a metaphor you smart ass.
kendall: what do you want dad?
greg: first i want my bank account to not get drained by you and
second i'm lookin for my son
kendall: like he wants to see you. why the fuck did you punch philly?
greg: he tried to fuck your mother
kendall: hey was consulting her after you were being a dick. plus you
know he said he never wanted to be with another woman after judy died
greg: i fucking can't with you. when did i lose my kids (leaves)
spongebob: oh my god
kendall: i know. where is greg jr though. dammit
(daisy walks in)
daisy: heyyyyy. me and that lifeguard kim had some fun in the pool shed.
amanda: what'd you do?
daisy: got pussy
amanda: oh are you lesbian?
daisy: yeah
amanda: huh
daisy: what? there's nothing wrong with it
amanda: i know it's just
kendall: daisy was greg jr playing with aidan
daisy: yeah. they said they were going to flatrock. they had a saw and
spray paint
kendall: what? why didn't you stop them?
daisy: i don't know. i didn't really care
kendall: fuck now we have to get them. can you drive spongebob.
spongebob: yep
daisy: again, without kendall rosen who shall i hangout with
kendall: i don't know, daisy sanders. jade and amanda are cool
jade: we are
daisy: give me alcohol
kendall: let's go spongebob
(patrick and chris parking)
patrick: yeah, sponegbob is really pissing me off. like i get that it
was a dick move but he really had to show his estrogen with his
response ? i don't think so
chris: yeah. totally (sarcastic)
patrick: so anyways, sponegbob literally insists upon himself
(philly sanders comes by)
philly: patrick star, there you are!
patrick: wow eminem. im so fucking impressed and charmed by you
philly: whats with the hostility?
patrick: i see right through you, philly. you're nothing but a rich
asshole, despite your quirks that's who you are. fuck this shift, ima
chill. plot convenience jared knows what to do. see you guys at the
devils party. the cup is coming, boys. (leaves)
philly: well i guess i won't have patrick as my mule now (leaves)
chris:...so jared, how are you
(patrick driving)
patrick: literally fuck life. neptune dammit it sucks.
(stops at a gas station convenience store)
patrick: carton of marlboro reds
cashier: cash or card?
patrick: i really don't wanna scare you cuz im feeling nice today.
i'll take these for free
cashier: well you have to pay sir
patrick: technically. but since you're just a kid who's working here
as a summer job i don't wanna have to point my gun at you so (grabs
the carton) i'll be on my way out (leaves)
(in his truck)
patrick: literally what is there to do? actually nothing. wow life is
so plain it sucks. (a shot of him driving to the song little furry
things by dinosaur jr)
(he stops in front of addiction tattoo and discreetly stares at jane
through the window)
patrick: psh. literally fuck that coke head. fuck that relationship.
she's not even that hot...actually she is. omg her tits ugh. so
firm, bouncy and pierced too. but you know what, fuck her. what's an
epic prank i can pull? perhaps i can grab her coffee when she's in the
other room, cum in it and watch her drink it? nah, she's swallowed my
cum many times. eh, maybe i should just go home before spongebob kills
my mood, cuz right now im just being a crazy guy talking to myself on
a random side walk in paterson. huh there was that one the simpsons
episode with the crazy michael jackson guy...at the end of that
episode when he snapped out of it he said he was from paterson, new
jersey. that's a cool little piece of trivia i know...ok, this isn't
productive (he sees joey d...grrr
(joey d walks out)
patrick: hey piece of shit, she cheat yet?
joey d: patrick? fuck are you doing here
patrick: i was in the neighborhood
joey d: and?
patrick: i came here to fuck with you. but i'm actually gonna leave.
bye prick (gets in his car and goes)
(kendall and spongebob driving to the flatrock)
kendall: can't believe i'm doing this. no one else is gonna do it.
usually i wouldn't care if he went out, he is a kid and that's what
they buy he's just been so angsty lately, who knows what he's gonna do
spongebob: kids these days...but i can't blame them, what else are
they gonna do?
kendall: well its what happens to rosen kids. my brother was the worst
of all though
spongebob: what's he like?
kendall: have you seen that new show malcolm in the middle?
spongebob: had it on a few times when patrick and i were waiting for
futurama king of the hill and the simpsons
kendall: he's like francis except he's an alcoholic in ambiguous
california. greg kicked him out a few years ago. that's the cycle.
greg jr is on the first stage of the cycle
spongebob: well, hes just fucking around
kendall: i hope...thanks for helping out. you've been the bright spot of summer
sponegbob: you too
kendall: i can't wait to get out of here. im going to school in massachusetts
spongebob: harvard?
kendall: no silly. tufts
sponegbob; fuck i missed the time (he does a k turn in the next lot)
(they pull up to the flatrock)
spongebob: (they get out of the car)
kendall: where are they
spongebob: i guess we have to search
(they walk in)
(patrick and chris hanging out at the pineapple)
chris: i hope jared doesn't mind we left
patrick: yeah. thanks for coming though. play me in madden 2000
chris: word
patrick: (turns it on and hookups the controllers)
(diegetic sounds: EA sports, it's in the game)
patrick: (gives a controller to chris)
chris: ya mind if i smoke a little weed?
patrick: do you really need it? i mean you're gonna smoke later
chris: just a bowl now
patrick: ugh fine. go in the kitchen
(chris goes)
patrick: so yeah. it's cool we've been chilling
chris: (from the kitchen ) yeah dude. i'm sorry about everything
patrick: eh its ok. didn't mean to bite your head off at the cliffs. i
just am genuinely hurting over how unbelievably shitty life is
chris: i hear (comes back)
patrick: yeah dude. hmmm i think im gonna go with the patriots
chris: i got the rams
patrick: of course you pick the best team
chris: well,this game came out before the season so kurt warner
probably has a way lower rating than he should have
patrick: oh yeah, but still marshall faulk...thats actually wild how
kurt warner just kinda popped off out of nowhere this past season
chris: yeah, no one expected it
(in the game)
chris: (pauses and goes to depth chart) okay, replacing trent green
with kurt warner
patrick: (looks at the patriots qb depth chart and hovers over tom
brady) ha look how stupid this guy is
chris: tom brady
patrick: yeah, looks like some punk backup whos gonna be out of the
league in a few years. so many of those guys in the league. i bet if i
put him in over bledsoe ill still beat you
chris: then do it
patrick: ok here we go, the greatest game ever played commences
(spongebob and kendall walking around the flatrock)
kendall: greg jr! aidan!
spongebob: literally no one is here...look to the right
(2 kids from a distance. they approach)
kendall: guys
greg jr: kendall...howd you know we went here?
kendall: daisy told me...what are you doing
aidan: (destroys a portion of the rose field)
spongebob: hey!
kendall: greg jr why are you...(notices the cigarette hes smoking)
greg! (slaps the cigarette out of his hand)
greg jr: what the hell?
spongebob: dude you shouldnt be smoking.
greg jr: you guys smoke!
kendall: doesnt mean you should
greg jr: shut up u bitch
spongebob: hey dont talk to your sister like that...or any girl for that matter
greg jr: get out of here
spongebob: ok, youre coming with me (grabs him and walks off)
kendall: hey aidan
aidan: what?
kendall: i dont think philly would like what youre doing here
aidan: hes not my dad
kendall: well then i dont think james would care too much for this
aidan: this is useless
(spongebob and greg jr talking)
spongebob: whats going on
greg jr: my dad says youre poor
spongebob: listen here you little shit, cut it the fuck out. i get
your situation but can you tell me why youre so angry?
greg jr: because everything is sucking now, my bar mitzvah was so
embarrassing and im stuck at that stupid club all day
spongebob: i get that. you should be able to go out but vandalizing a
park and cigarettes? thats not it, greg jr
greg jr: then what is?
sponegbob: listen up, youre so fucking young. enjoy these next 5-6
years, theyll be the best of your life. things may be falling apart
now but you still have your youth. you cant act like this, you have to
be good. what i can tell you is please enjoy your teens
greg jr: (cries) everything is getting so sad
sponegbob: (hugs him) its okay buddy
(kendall gazes from a distance with a light smile on her face)
(they walk to kendall)
greg jr: im sorry kendall
kendall: (hugs him)
spongebob: anyone hungry?
(fast forewards to them at the diner)
spongebob: im gonna go to the bathroom
kendall: me too
(they walk there. as spongebob walks in the mens room kendall follows.
she quickly closes and locks the door and starts making out with
spongebob...there making out intensly and kendall is being very
forewards. she pulls her and spongebobs pants down)
sponegbob: i dont have a condom
kendall: birth controll
(a shot of them fucking in the stall)
(patrick and chirs chilling. a shot of the madden screen. the score is
tied at 28 with 2 minutes left in the 4th quarter)
(its 3rd and 8, chris has the ball...the ball is snapped, kirt warner
throws it to marshall faulk, hes trying to get the first down)
chris: come one break the tackle
(ty law tackles marshall faulk just behind the first down mark)
patrick: fuck yeah!
chris: dammit, faulk could so break a ty law tackle in real life. so unrealistic
patrick: is he gonna go for it or trust the defense
(hes goes for it)
(its a qb sneak and the patriots stuff it)
chris: fuck !
patrick: yeah!!!
(spongebob walks in)
sponegbob: (with a light smile on his face) oh hey guys
chris: hey spongebob
patrick: oh its you.
spongebob: chris, you trying to go to the devils party soon? game
starts in an hour
patrick: i wanna go
spongebob: chris?
chris: yeah i was gonna go home to get my brodeur jersey after this game
(a shot of the screen. patrick rolls working the clock. there are 20
seconds left)
patrick: alright, one more first down and im in field goal range
(the play starts, brady looks back to pass, the pocket collapses)
patrick: fuck ! (rolls out at gets rid of it before he gets
sacked...the pass is intercepted) fuck!
chris: yeah! (the player has one man to beat...its brady)
patrick: come on brady
(chris breaks the tackle and goes to the endzone as time runs out)
chris: yeah!!!!!!
patrick: fuck, i shouldve thrown a screen pass...sigh nice game tho
chris: so yeah, see ya spongebob. peace pat (goes)
patrick: wanna chill in the tub before we go?patrick: what youre not talking to me? omg youre still fixated on the
piss, wow you fucking girl. i already forgot about it but i guess
thats what makes you a bitch
spongebob: you really dont see it huh?
patrick: what? i dont get it, i bought you a hot tub and got you to
fuck jade that one time and this is how you react?
spongebob: wow you really dont get it, huh?
patrick: whats with the repetition? whats this, a 70s avant garde film
about a guy that goes crazy?
spongebob: do you know why im pissed at you?
patrick: i mean yeah, i just think its a little unreasonable. i cleaned the pee
spongebob: its not just that, you live here rent free!
patrick: oh my god, i bought you a hot tub!
spongebob: ahhhhh get out !
patrick: psh ok
spongebob: im kicking you out. i cant stand this
patrick: i aint leaving
spongebob: ahhhh (goes out for a cig)
(the devils party. spongebob talking to kendall)
spongebob: oh didnt think you were coming
kendall: thanks a lot for helping me out today. you were great with greg jr
spongebob: no problem. hes a lot easier to teach than my awful roomate.
(the game starts. shots of every character individually as they watch)
(2nd OT)
spongebob: come on guys
(marty makes a great save)
patrick: marty marty! nice penelty kill
(the faceoff before the goal. the slapshot from the point happens.
elias in the corner. he dishes it to arnott)
gary thorne: scoreeeeeeeeee the new jersey devils have won the stanley
cup, jason arnott
(the place erupts. shots of all the characters hugging. fast forewards
to spongebob and kendall outisde smoking)
kendall: i dont usually like sports but that was awesome
spongebob: yeah im fucking hyped!
kendall: alright. im gonna go home with daisy now. see yea tomorrow (she leaves)
spongebob: bye
(patrick amanda chris and jade come)
patrick: dude i called this. i felt the team this year. i am so hyped!
chris: you called it ?
patrick: yeah...right before i almost killed shaodw i said "cup this
year bro" and it happened. im nosferatu
spongebob: its amazing how you just casually mention that
patrick: welp. life experience
spongebob: im out guys. see ya tomorrow (leaves)
(patrick eventually gets to the pineapple. he tries to use his keys to
get in but its not working)
patrick: what the fuck?
(he sees garbage bags and looks inside. its all of his shit)
patrick: oh fuck...homeless again
(it fades out as accident prone by jawbreakers plays