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From: Kevin Meyer kevinmey7
Sent: Wednesday, March 4, 2020 1:24:17 PM
To: Teoman Akil teoakil
Subject: s3e1 edit
sponegbob & patrick do blockbuster season 3 episode 1 "junkies promise"
(spongebob, amanda, chris, and benjamin at blockbuster)
spongebob: (from a movie shelf) i've got like 5 boxes here, can someone give me a hand ?
amanda: (from the vending machine) im pretty backed up. stocking this machine with peanut allergy snacks
chris: (at the register. there's a line) someone, we need a hand at the other register
spongebob: (notices the line) ah dammit (goes over)
(benjamin in his office doing a job interview with someone)
benjamin: so, do you have what it takes to join the clamwoood turnpike blockbuster team?
jade: i can smoke weed out of an apple, is that enough?
benjamin: ohh uhhh hmmm...thinking about it my current staff does that and they're pretty good...okay, you're hired!
jade: awesome, what am i getting?
benjamin: we'll start you off at minimum wage
jade: hmmmm i dont know. that's a little light, ben
benjamin: it's benjamin...and ok, you'll get as much as everyone else
jade: awesome thanks ben!
benjamin: sigh. okay, you start tomorrow
(later in the shift. no one is in the store)
spongebob; damn, this whole being understaffed is so fucking tiring
chris: yeah, what gives benjamin?
amanda: we had to skip out pre 6pm rush smoke sesh. come on man. like yeah, i guess we're some kind of culture hub for morris county film buffs, but this is ridiculous!
benjamin: don't worry, we'll have a new worker tomorrow
spongebob; i don't even think that's enough. maybe if you didnt spend all day on the computer playing solitaire
benjamin: i also take care of finances, make orders and keep the place running
chris: oh shit someone is full of himself. but it makes sense, considering we never let you in any of our card games
spongebob: man, it's sure been quiet without patrick
amanda: if by quiet you mean peaceful, yeah
chris: yeah, ever since the occasional gun fire out back stopped, a lot of people aren't too scared to come here now
amanda: also there's actually mountain dew in the vending machine now
chris: not to mention his putrid smell no longer pollutes the store
amanda: yeah. patrick may create 2-3 funny moments a shift, but man it's nice not hearing him talk about how cool he is while also complaining about how much his life sucks
spongebob: well, i guess it's nice to not be startled by gun fire, and it's nice that someone isn't drinking all the mountain dew, and the smell isn't so bad either and yeah, patrick's monologues were pretty tiresome but this place doesn't feel right without all of that
chris: what about shadow? he was the one you really missed
sponegbob: well yeah, but it's different with patrick. i grew up with him
amanda: well, if he's crazy when he comes back from rehab, i want nothing to do with him
spongebob: come on, he can change himself. even tho some of the things that have come from his mouth were disgusting, maybe he'll realize that with a clear head
(customer comes in)
chris: looks like we got the last one of the night
customer: (approaches spongebob and gives him the movie for return)
spongebob: (talking to a customer) ohhh looks like you're a little late. sorry, ya know the fee
customer: are you kidding me? the 400 blows is a movie that has to be watched 4 times to truly understand. i couldn't do that all in a week, i've got a job!
chris: doing what?
customer: i review for the commoner
spongebob:...okay, 3 dollar late fee
customer: jean-pierre léaud doesn't deserve this
spongebob: wait a second...the 400 blows ...yeah i've heard of that
customer: it's a movie someone like you wouldn't understand (gets his card back and leaves)
spongebob: the 400 blows...huh, i guess it just sounds familiar
(the crew closing up)
sponegbob: so you guys wanna hit my house tonight?
amanda: yeah, im dying to smoke.
(patrick doing push-ups in his room. the song junkies promise by sonic youth plays)
patrick: (push-up) 4 (push-up) 5 (push-up) 6
(patrick hears door crack open)
patrick: (push-up) 97
(person comes in. patrick's roommate barry)
patrick: (push-up) 98 (push-up) 99 (push-up) 100 (gets up and stretches) ahh
barry: (southern accent) oh wow nice workout man
patrick: thanks. anything to keep the chase from the bottle, man
barry: you said it best brother.
patrick: man, the first 2 weeks here sucked. now i don't wanna leave, hell i might go through another self destructive path which is mostly predicated on drugs and alcohol so i can come back lol
barry: it's my 3rd time here and it'll be my last. you don't wanna be back here
patrick: yeah yeah. i know. im just scared of life after this detox. things are fucked up right now. good thing i am technically not a memeber of society because my spot there isn't one you want.
barry: patty, right now it's all about bettering yourself. when you get back, you go on a redemption tour
patrick: what's that?
barry: we'll talk later. come on, we got 45 minutes til the sun goes out, time to show it on the court.
patrick: fuck yeah. im the white larry bird
barry: uhh you're pink and larry bird was white
patrick: wow someone has no sense of humor...whatever. let's go to the court
(spongebob, judd nelson, amanda and chris at the pineapple)
spongebob: (passes the blunt) ahh good weed
amanda: i hope this new employee understands the blockbuster way
chris: i was thinking the same thing. what if we get a benjamin kiss up?
spongebob: think about it...why would someone ever wanna be a benjamin kiss up? even if they are stiff, no one in new jersey will ever look at benjamin after having a conversation with him and think "i wanna emulate this man. i must kiss his ass"
amanda: that's a great point.
judd nelson: you guys wanna watch the breakfast club?
sponegbob: i swear, you better not recite every line
judd nelson: i wont i won't
(spongebob puts the breakfast club in)
(the intro song plays as the scene shifts)
(patrick in an iso situation in basketball)
patrick: you want the sauce? (shakes his defender with a cross, does a half spin on the defender in the paint and brings it back and does a baby fadeaway and swishes it) ohhhhhh look at that game. i was allen iverson at the perimeter and hakeem olajuwon in the paint.
(checks it up he's like 6 feet behind the 3 point line)
patrick: watch this (shoots and swishes it) ohhhhhhh reggie miller in the 4th against the knicks ohhhhh
(mini cut. patrick at corner with the defender on him)
patrick: (rides the baseline and throws a no look pass to barry who misses the shot but patrick grabs the board and tosses it back in) ohhhhhh. damn in this short sequence, i showed flashes of allen iverson, hakeem olajuwon, magic johnson and dennis rodman. stop me
random patient: that was an over the back foul
patrick: psh call fouls like a little bitch
barry: patrick!
random patient: you boasting asshole (he shoves patrick. patrick decks him. a brawl in the rec area breaks)
(patrick sitting in the instructors office)
steve: what are you doing? what the hell was this?
patrick: he called fouls like a little bitch and he shoved me
steve: so you had to slam him?
patrick: yeah. what was i gonna do let him rag on my game?
steve: he's in the hospital.
patrick: good. i taught someone a lesson
steve: do you wanna get sober?
patrick: yeah, i don't need drugs. i'm already cool, i now realize that
steve: no more stunts like this. next time the cops will get involved
patrick: yeah im scared of cops.
(silence)
patrick: the sarcastic timbré in my voice implied that im not scared of cops. or you, you're kind of a twig boy who im assuming donated to the clinton campaign so yeah that says enough about you
steve: just be good patrick
patrick: alright. bye (leaves)
(patrick in the hallway. barry catches him)
barry: patrick, what the hell man?
patrick: what, dude i thought you'd be on my side on this one. you're the only person i've met who doesn't hate me in i dont know how long
barry: and anyone who likes you doesn't want to see you acting like that
patrick: acting like what?
barry: look man, i know what it's like to be an asteroidea
patrick: okay, brittle stereotypes are actually positive stereotypes. star fish stereotypes are that we're barbaric
barry: whatever. just listen to me, don't be a star fish stereotype
patrick: psh, i-
barry: shush. listen here, if you're acting like that here, you're doing nothing for yourself. this place ain't all about ditching the sauce and crank, it's also about being a better you. come on, we gotta hit the group session
patrick: ugh. those suck. just a whole bunch of assholes complaining. so much crying, it feels like vagina town in there (cringe noise) let's play dreamcast. ya know no one will be playing sonic adventure
barry: you're coming patrick (takes him by the wrist and walks)
(the next day in the store)
amanda: yo guys. let's burn before the new person comes
chris: good call. good call
spongebob: benjamin definitely hired someone stiff now that he has the power. still can't be a benjamin dick rider tho
(they go out back)
sponegbob: damn i got no rollie. bowl it is
amanda: i really hope it's not busy anymore. i kinda miss it being sparse
chris: yeah, no one puts shit in the tip jar anyways
sponegbob: if patrick was here he would be like (patrick impression) "ohh you really need those pennies and dimes, yeah keep your change while minimum wage workers serve you" or something
chris: i kinda do miss those quirks but hey at least no one is taking 5 hits per blunt turn
amanda: amen to that
spongebob: you guys just don't get it. it's sad that the old patrick is gone and will be forever
chris: oh i get it. but what are we gonna do?
(the new worker comes out back)
jade: busted
(sponegbob sees her and admires her as the song modern inventions by the submarines plays)
amanda: hey, ur the new worker right? you look like a stoner
jade: my favorite time of day is 4:20
spongebob: hey im spongebox...uhh i mean bob sponge...uhh i mean master of yellow
jade:...hey im jade
spongebob: and im sponegbob. yeah...where you from?
jade: boonton
spongebob: we're all bikini bottomites. yep. we saved this town ya know
jade: saved it?
spongebob; yep. from gentrification
jade: that's exactly what made me leave boonton. fucked up
spongebob: well we might not like rich hipsters from richfield park but we'll take any working class person who needs some lodging. that's the kind of hospitality we provide here in bikini bottom, new jersey
jade: someone likes this town
chris: it's home
jade: when do we go back to work?
amanda: it'll get busy at some point. for now we chill
jade: that's awesome. damn benjamin is so easy
amanda: i know. hes my brother
jade: ah, the stoopid sibling
spongebob: you're so fucking cute
jade: what?
spongebob: ohh i meant i have to fucking poop...doh! that's my homer simpson impression...gotta run (runs out)
jade: what's he on, heroin?
amanda: nope. i think i know what's up
(patrick in the group therapy thing)
patient: i just have so much i wanna say to the people back home but im not sure theyll even wanna see me after all ive done. (tearing) i know i deserve it but i just wanna make it right (cries)
group leader: i think thats something we all struggle with. it's ok. anyone else wanna share ?
other patient: when i was in the middle of my drug use i stole a thousand dollars from my best friend. she said she never wanted to hear from me again...how could've i been such a monster?
patrick: (smirking)
other patient; i once told my mom she was a sadistic cunt when i was on heroin. who was i?
patrick: (laughs a little) im sorry it's just
group leader: need to share anything
patrick: yeah...all of you druggies are so ridiculous. you really think that's being a monster? im poor and have to steal, cheat and lie to get by. even before i was a heavy drinker and user, i did that shit. i see a ton of faces here that definitely grew up in a house with 2 tvs, 2 bathrooms and a swimming pool with a slide and diving board...perhaps a brick smoker that is never used, but was frivolously bought and installed anyways. you're all weak if you think you were a monster. i've murdered people, hell, one time after a hockey game, my friends and i were all happy, talking and having a good time but i completely killed the mood when i shot one of our friends and nearly killed him. hell, i didn't even feel bad for it...still don't and i was even a dick to him after that. so before you say calling your mom a cunt is "evil" think about me robbing people for fun and stealing from charity events. fuck i need a cigarette. thank god they're allowed here (leaves. barry follows)
patrick: (smoking a cigarette) oh what is 2 time relapse guy gonna say to me now?
barry: (hugs patrick) i know you're frustrated. everyone knows. but im proud of you patrick. youve got a long way to go, but you're going all right.
patrick: wow. that actually made me feel good
barry: what do you say we throw off the rest of this and enjoy the empty hot tub and racquet ball courts?
patrick: hmmm yeah. that's my kinda way to get sober
(the crew at blockbuster all saying bye)
jade: by guys (leaves)
spongebob: bye!
amanda: spongebobs got a crush
spongebob; yeah i do
chris: how long has that dry spell been
spongebob: hmmm when did amanda move into that place by the bargain market ?
amanda: last year...
spongebob: oh
amanda: well, you've got a prospect.
spongebob: i was a total spazz. i felt so weak
chris: don't worry spongebob. we'll help you pull her.
amanda: alright then. i'll see you guys.
(spongebob drives home. he goes inside and feeds gary)
spongebob: ahhh. time for the nets game
(puts on the tv )
marv albert: stephon marbury and the nets come to san antonio to face the defending champions who are playing fantastic basketball with the phenomenal backcourt of dave robinson and tim duncan and the genius coaching of gregg popovich
(spongebob hears a car outside and turns his head. the door is knocked. he opens it)
sack: hey spongebobby...is it possible for me to stay here for a bit?
spongebob: oh my god...
sack: yeah it's been a while hasn't it
spongebob: what about jess and the kids in north carolina