sponegbob & patrick do blockbuster season 3 episode 2 "the ballad of billy sack"
(sack and sponegbob hanging out in the house)
sack: ohhh man the trip to florida was one to remember. me rusty and earl gaffed a gar. man, it was a dinosaur, must've been at least 95...thing was huge. it was quite a site, but we gotta let that dinosaur live in peace so we let it back after 5 minutes. ahh thats the life i want
spongebob: oh thats pretty cool...so anyways what's going on? why are you in new jersey. we all know north carolina is the place you want to be. your family is there
sack: like i said, i got booted
spongebob: so you couldnt stay with travis or brett?
sack: well, i needed to get away. i miss it here. it's a little intense over there
sponegbob: so your dream of having two sons with jess in north carolina came true and you flee here?
sack: i know i know. maybe 2 weeks
spongebob: ok. well, it's nice to see you but i have to go to work. ill be back at 9, perhaps we can chill with larry, jea-mollycoddle and chris later
sack: ohh yeah. that'd be good. where's my buddy patty boy?
spongebob: oh...well it's a long pretty fucked up story...actually it's a very fucked up story. but he's in rehab. damn those 3 months were so fucked up looking back
sack; oh
spongebob: yeah, i know. well im going to work
sack: oh, can you take me to mom and dales and pick me up when you get back
spongebob: ok. they're staying at this christian retirement community in wayne called sienna village. let's go, i gotta go 50 on hamburg to make it to work
(patrick and barry lifting on weights in the morning)
patrick: (barry spotting him) man i feel so good in the morning, so refreshing. i actually wake up not feeling like shit, not going for a glass of beer with an egg thrown in to kill my hangover. then a little heroin for the pain. i just need water, a piss and some cardio. maybe a shit especially after burrito wednesday
barry: it's nice isn't it?
patrick: really fuckin is
barry: are you ready to live the sober life? cuz i sure as hell am
patrick: ohh yeah. i can totally master it, similar to how i mastered Castlevania: Symphony of the Night for ps1
barry: it may seem easy now, but once you're out and life hits you, things change
patrick: yeah i am so fucking scared of that. like, since i was withdrawn from society it's like, the pressure that comes with it is just gone...don't gotta worry about everyone that hates me, not having a place to live, someone carrying my child. ya know? i love the idea of technically not being a member of society
barry: fuck yeah it's great, but that's why i'm expressing to you that along with your focus on getting sober, you need to get better as a person and grow here. my last 2 goes at rehab i didn't focus on that. i just came out the same asshole i was, except i didn't drink. for a year and a half at least. if you are the same asshole you were during your downfall after recovery, it's only a matter of time til that behavior leads you back to down to hole
patrick: (puts the weight down and sits on the bench for a sec) its gonna be so hard man. life out there is cold. in this facility it's free and relaxing. of corse i don't wanna get fucked up here. it's cool, yeah the people are gay but i don't have to work, the food is good, i can school people in basketball, soccer, dodgeball, kickball, racquet ball and horseshoes. im probably the best athlete huntington rehab center has ever seen. i am nothing in new jersey. im a loser from the infamous star family from bikini dunes trailer park. im the town drunk. ya know that trope character? they serve as a jester figure, a semi-comic proxy for the wise old man. He may disrupt public meetings, either for comic effect, or by dispensing what proves to be wisdom in a comical, yet serious tone. ive done shit like that. im that in bikini bottom. im like the king of this place, i can deck every asshole here. im totally the alpha here i can't leave
barry: patrick, youll come to learn this ain't a place you ever wanna be again.
patrick: i know but im just thinking about it, what am i gonna do when i get back? my role the past 6 or so years back home was hang out, drink beers and provide funny commentary with my witty remarks and interestingly funny takes on society. since im not technically a member of society here, i don't need to do that.
barry: when you get back it's one day at a time
patrick; i hear that but man, i love technically not being a member of society. it's cool.
barry: wouldn't everyone? yeah, but that isn't reality, pat
patrick: yeah. unfortunately. at least im getting jacked (flexes muscle) yeah, look at that beast. i can actually kick everyone's ass here
barry: bet i can still kick your ass
patrick: oh i bet you can. i'll actually admit that. it'll be a good fight though
barry: come on, spot me now
(steve comes) steve: patrick, we've heard a lot of complaints over you...you better not act up in group therapy today
patrick: or else what? are you gonna kick me out on the streets just so i can get a addicted again? my friend paid full price, prick. give me the service
steve: im just saying you can't act like that, there are people hurting in there
patrick: ok.
steve: please patrick
patrick: those people are literally vaginas. oh my god, i've owned wool caps that have bigger balls than them, so maybe you should consider that before you take their complaints seriously. im sorry but i tell it how it is and if they can't handle that well, thats a them problem
steve: just be good. or else no basketball
patrick: psh ok. what's gonna happen if i go on the court am i gonna die? ok piss off, let me and barry chill, i won't say shit in group today
steve: ohh well thanks...i guess
(spongebob dropping off sack at sienna village)
spongebob: they're in room 2112
sack: nooo way like rush man
spongebob: yeah, like rush. i'll see you
sack: thanks spongebobby. don't worry about getting me, i'll walk back (leaves)
(spongebob lights up a cigarette and drives. he's at the stop light on valley and notices jade at the bus stop)
spongebob: holy shit...(yells) hey jade, need a ride?
jade: (runs up to the car) yeah, if you're going to blockbuster
sponegbob: yep. the one in nova scotia
jade: (she gets in the car) someone's a ball breaker.
spongebob: yeah. i totally am
jade: i thought you lived in bikini bottom, what are you doing in wayne?
spongebob: well, my brother from north carolina made a random appearance and i took him to see my parents in sienna village so here we are
jade: so he came here all the way from north carolina?
spongebob: yeah, it is pretty weird. but i guess ill enjoy it, we're getting the whole squad back together tonight
jade: that's always nice
spongebob: yeah...ya wanna hang with us tonight?
jade: yeah...im not doing anything
spongebob: awesome. so do you take the bus to work?
jade: yeah. i dont have my drivers license
spongebob: you're not far from me, i can pick you up every morning
jade: oh really? nice, i can throw in for gas
spongebob: cool. these are gonna be some good mornings
jade: can i bum one of those?
spongebob: yeah, the pack is in the glove box
(sack knocks on the door 2112)
(spongebobs mom answers the door)
jill: oh my god, sack...is that you?
dale: honey, who is it?
sack: (enters) it's the baddest boy from the south
jill: what are you doing here?
sack: just a surprise visit. ya know
dale: hey billy !
sack: hey dale. why are you guys livin here, you ain't old
jill: well, we retired early.
dale: glad you caught us before our trip to texas
sack: oh...well i came here to ask for something...
dale: what is it?
sack: can i borrow...$2,000?
jill: woah...what do you need that for?
sack: uhhhh to get my house back...
dale: what are you talking about?
sack: yeah...jess and the kids are squatting at the house, they didn't know until jess found out last night. she said get the house back or never come back
jill: billy...
sack: yeah ma?
jill: we cant keep doing this. aren't you making any money?
sack: sometimes odd jobs ain't enough.
dale: are you saving it?
sack: uh, of course i am, who do you think i am? fuck you dale, you ain't my daddy and you never was. you think i can't save?
jill: sack don't talk to him like that...
dale: no i don't think you can save cuz if you could, you probably wouldnt be here right now.
sack: burn in hell, you dirty urchin
jill: sack!
(he turns around to leave)
jill: billy, wait
dale: just let him go
jill: hes never talked to anyone like that
dale: you're right, but i felt that since he moved in with us in 94. i just felt some odd tension
(patrick and barry in group therapy)
group leader: wow, that was intense daryl. we're here for you and so is sobriety. anyone else would like to share ?
patrick: yeah. i have some words. i've done heroin, opioids, coke, weed, shrooms, acid, and random poppers n shit. hell there was one month i took a shit ton of viagra cuz A: it made my dick look huge through my shorts B: i oddly liked the feeling of my dick being pressed by my pants and C: cuz i thought it was tylenol and only realized it wasn't after a month. so i think i know a thing or 2 about going crazy, daryl. damn, like i've never seen a room full of softies like this, softies that tell on me like that. thank neptune i have 22 days left...oh shit i have 22 days left...i'm gonna grab a coffee (runs out for a smoke. barry follows)
barry: again, patty?
patrick: yeah, i know. im pathetic. i can't even handle the fact that i have to go back to my life soon.
barry; i think it's time i teach you about your redemption tour
patrick: well, i guess it is. what do i do buy everyone fruit and flowers and say sorry?
barry: ohhh buddy. i tried that my first go around and nope. that ain't it
patrick: what do i do then?
barry: how old are you 28?
patrick: actually im 20. will be 21 a week after im out of here
barry: woah...you are a youngin.
patrick: what are you like 58?
barry: no...34...ok anyways, you're a young man, pat. the people you wronged are also prolly young. you don't exactly say sorry, you go and show them you're not looking for forgiveness. cuz from all of the things you told me, doesn't sound like you deserve it
patrick: that's not even half of it lol. why else do i have to do?
barry: just go in, be good, dont be a dick, continue and dont beg for forgiveness. i wish i had done that, cuz believe me, that behavior will lead you to the bottle again.
patrick: well i dont wanna be there. mountain dew and cigarettes are all i need
barry: that's it pat. you gotta be nicer to these people, even if you hate them. train for your life
patrick: yeah. ill enjoy not technically being a part of society for now. so...racquet ball?
barry: let's go
(the blockbuster squad doing their thing)
amanda: huh, no customers today
jade: (takes a bag out her bra) shall we?
(they go out back)
spongebob: you guys won't believe this, last night my brother came from north carolina.
chris: sack?
amanda: you have a brother?
spongebob: oh i guess i never told you, amanda. but yeah, his name is sack and he eloped to north carolina with his high school sweet heart
amanda: why did he come?
sponegbob: he said he got booted, even though he could've stayed with some friends, but who knows. you guys will meet him tonight
chris: cool. we chillin?
spongebob: yeah, larry, evelyn, don and jea-mollycoddle are coming tonight too. we're throwin down like it's 1995
amanda: awesome
chris; yeah i can come
sponegbob: jade, would you like to come?
jade: i don't know it feels like a close friend reunion
spongebob: not at all, come!
jade: all right. yeah, i'll come. can i get a ride?
spongebob: of course
chris: ya guys wanna roll another spliff?
(benjamin comes out)
benjamin: after you finish your pipe, come back in. we got some customers
jade: ahh we almost made it
(sack walking back)
sack; (sigh) i guess i only have one option
(he walks to the trailer park and knocks on a trailer)
randy: (patrick's brother) woah, sack how've you been!
sack: not so good, not gonna lie. that's why im here. you got any jobs where i can make quick money like old times
randy: hmm alright. i can use a hand tomorrow night. me and dusty are stealing some copper wire from this place in boonton
sack: ohh we've done that before. it'll be easy
randy: we're pros at it
sack: cool. when are you doing it?
randy: come here at 8 tomorrow, we'll drink a few beers and go
sack: ohhh i'll be there
randy: cool man
sack: ight. i gotta go back to spongebobs place. ya know, i was thinking about pushing a little h for henry b rollins. that's quick money
randy: oh dude he died. patrick killed him
sack: what? patty wouldn't kill someone
randy: funny. well, see you
sack: ight man. nice seein ya
(spongebob, chris, amanda, jade, judd nelson, larry, jea-mollycoddle, evelyn and larry at the pineapple)
jea-mollycoddle: yeah, doing swim therapy is so rewarding.
chris: that was a sweet story
amanda: yeah, i hated you in hated you in high school but that gave me some respect for you
(sack comes in)
sack: sackies here!
larry: oh my god, this was your surprise spongebob?
spongebob: yep
evelyn: what are you doing here?
sack: uhhh, just a visit
larry: someone needs a beer
sack: you know it! (larry tosses him one) oh how are you jea?
jea-mollycoddle: pretty good. i work as a swim therapist thanks to miss greenwood helping me find it
sack: ahhh what a great woman
larry: yeah she was the best
spongebob: actually yeah. she helped all of us at one point
sack: id marry her if i didn't love jess so much
jea-mollycoddle: she was there for me when no one else could be
sack: yeah...i heard your mom got clean tho
jea-mollycoddle: she was doing so good for a year. but you know how it is
spongebob: aww she started drinking again?
jea-mollycoddled: drinking, waking up with some unremembered lads that not again, yes
larry: was that a line from a edna st vincent millay poem?
jea-mollycoddle: yeah. nice ear
sack: so who's got the bong?
chris: packing it right now
(the episode fades out to the song saucer like by sonic youth)