sponegbob patrick do blockbuster season 3 episode 4 "patrick graduates"
(sack and spongebob laying on the floor at the pineapple the morning after their fight. they both look like they took some hits)
sack: i'm sorry spongebob
spongebob: testosterone was just running a little high last night. i'm the sorry one
sack: apology accepted.
spongebob: but still. this situation is fucked up man. do something
sack: i tried and got arrested
spongebob: that's what you get for trusting randy star
sack: like i don't know that
spongebob: the stars just keep fucking us. fuck, patrick is getting out of rehab tomorrow. fuck man
sack: is he...staying here ?
spongebob: definitely. oh man i'm so scared. well im off to work
sack: don't worry bout me. i'll be here watching cable all day
spongebob: see ya (leaves)
(patrick and barry hanging out)
(chris, amanda and benjamin all at the store)
benjamin: hey guys, you mind making a run down to the bank for change?
chris: okay
amanda: (opens register) what do we need?
benjamin: hmm 25 dollars in quarters, 15 in dimes and 100 singles
amanda: ok (they both start walking out)
benjamin: we only really need 1 person to go
chris: it's ok i don't mind
amanda: yeah, we'll be right back (leaves)
benjamin: ha ok. yeah. yeah great
(spongebob jade driving to work)
spongebob: well sorry we couldn't do that yesterday
jade: it's cool. how's the bro?
spongebob: sigh i don't know. it's all fucked up right now. whatever life has been one big puzzle since patrick's downfall. oh shit he's coming back soon
jade: should i be excited to meet him?
spongebob: uhhhh nah. actually i have no idea what to expect. fuck it all. at least we're going to the nets game tomorrow
jade: to watch them lose
spongebob: barring any bull shit, yep. fuck ya wanna go to new york? or even better the mall?
jade: huh, don't we have to work?
spongebob: fuck that, come on!
jade: why would we go tho?
spongebob: cuz we can
jade: fuck it
spongebob: woooo! the fucking willowbrook mall!
(patrick and barry kickin it)
patrick: man im gonna really miss this place. i don't know how freedom will serve me but shit, i will dearly miss technically not being a member of society
barry: i'm back to the construction life after this
patrick: man im gonna miss you, dude. i can't believe i didn't have my camera cuz spongebob will never believe that i 100 percented sonic adventure in 34 minutes
barry: yeah man. me too. we learned a lot from each other.
patrick: yeah, that's the fucking truth. fuck dude, nyack isn't even far from me, i can get there in 30. we'll be chilling
barry: you know i'll be checking on you
patrick: yeah, you must cuz the second i'm out it's booze, h, poppers and weird sex. yummy!
barry: come on patrick. cut it
patrick: finally, barry tetermen sees the irony in my sense of humor. it only took yah 43 days
barry: what are you gonna do when you get out of here?
patrick: fuck someone. dammit i just remembered someone is carrying my child...im kinda fucked over that. dammit that sucks
barry: how will you deal with it?
patrick: i can't fuck up and that really sucks cuz i'm a star, which means i will fuck up. i just really hope i have a son, no way in hell im raising a daughter
barry: you may want a son but if it's a girl that comes out, that's it. you'll love the shit out of her
patrick: yeah, but from the sounds of it you definitely like your son more. i've never heard you cry over your daughter
barry: she's the tough one, i know not to worry too much about her. but brian...he needs me, that boy just ain't right
patrick: ha nice king of the hill reference
barry: what?
patrick: uhh ya know, the fox cartoon that depicts working class america with its subtle social commentary under the backdrop of a realistic right wing texas town. also its consistent themes of differing generations, with bobby who represents the open minded youth and hank who represents traditionalist boomers in a changing world very much so makes the shows main focal point, the father son story an interesting diversion. can't believe you haven't seen it, you talk about the simpsons a lot, which kinda serves as a foil to king of the hill
barry: huh. i guess i missed it. i'm usually out before the giants game ends. but i won't be anymore
patrick: that's the shit. yep. i'll be watching the steelers game without killing a 24 pack. really makes ya think
barry: about ?
patrick: how great beer is. i have a very deep appreciation for beer, still do. i come from a very blue collar new jersey suburb and pretty much by the age of 14 you're drinkin beers, smokin weed and doing some blue collared ass activity
barry: you can't be thinkin about that pat
patrick: or else what, i'll spontaneously combust ?
barry: come on be serious
patrick: sorry...it's just i can't be a member of society again. it really fucking sucks. i complained about my life in a shakespearean soliloquy all the time back home. and fuck, i'm doing it again...if there's one thing i hope i learned here, it's how to get through life sucking without giving shakespearean soliloquies to everyone. but the point is, i really hope i don't go back to the bottle when i can't figure things out.
barry: been there and it'll solve nothing. i know that now, i really hope you're one of the few that know that
patrick: drinking hasn't even crossed my mind. i'm just dreading going to work at the fucking video store. shit pay, shit customers and the manager defines the word woman
barry: where in morris county did you say you are?
patrick: bikini bottom
barry: that's close to wayne right?
patrick: yeah, im actually right on the border, near colfax ave
barry: i can help you get a job at my dads place
patrick: hm what kind of work?
barry: berry picking
patrick: what?
barry: it's the farm on black oak ridge road. he owns it and berries are its main source of income
patrick: and your name is barry. very funny, danny tanner...how much will i be making?
barry: anywhere from 15-20 an hour. maybe more
patrick: and can i eat the berries ?
barry: not too many
patrick: hmmm ok...yeah if it's feasible, sign me the fuck up.
barry: cool man.
patrick: that's actually funny. the concept of being a berry picker
barry: it ain't a bad gig
patrick: i've worked at shit holes so my standards aren't rlly that high. is your dad cool, like is he an old farmer guy that speaks in metaphors ?
barry: can't say he is. he's just a normal guy
patrick: will i have shenanigans with him the way i've had shenanigans with you?
barry; i can't say man
patrick: will me and him work together to stop the farm from being monetized ?
barry: you want the job or not?
patrick: oh my god, what do you think? yes
barry: calm down pat
patrick: i'm good i'm good. would you look at the time, 5 o'clock. which means there's a rerun of star trek tng on syfy.
barry: ya wanna go watch?
patrick; hmmm we may be able to snag the hot tubs while they're empty tho
barry: you make a good point
patrick: im gonna buy a hot tub when i get back. fuck it right?
barry: if ya got the dough
patrick: yeah yeah. hold on a sec, i need to make a call (walks over to the phone and dials
(benjamin picks up)
benjamin: hello, you've reached blockbuster in bikini bottom
patrick: hey, it sounds like a virgin is on the other end
benjamin: oh hey patrick
patrick: what's up man! im comin back soon to cause some ruckus. is boy sponegbob in the building
benjamin: nah he took off but i can talk
patrick: (hangs up) aight barry, let's hit the tub
(spongebob and jade leaving hot topic)
spongebob: who knew noses can be so erotic
jade: yeah even i was feeling steamy
spongebob: phallic noses
jade: (grabs spongebobs nose) like this one?
sponegbob: i can't breathe
jade: what should we do now?
spongebob: hmmm maybe if you let go of my nose i'll have a better idea of what we can do
jade: ok (she let goes)
spongebob: how about some sushi? we can splurge
jade: that was one weird retailer. that was one gross cashier. all of those piercings and shit
spongebob: yeah. why even get a foo fighters shirt if it means you have to walk into that place?
(benjamin alone at blockbuster)
benjamin: my workers are so mean...they don't show up, they leave, they disrespect me. why must this be my life? why ?
(mr. krabs and plankton come in)
krabs: hey benjamin
benjamin: hey eugene, sheldon
plankton: we're looking for the movie lucas
krabs: yeah, with corey haim and charlie sheen
benjamin: follow me (he leads them to the shelf with the movie)
krabs: does anyone work here?
benjamin: my staff only comes when they want to
krabs: oh i see. ya know, plankton and i have been unemployed for a few years now
benjamin: are you asking for a job?
plankton: if you're offering
benjamin: uhh ok, come on board
krabs: really?
benjamin: yeah. no workers are here
plankton: hell yeah this is gonna be awesome
(chris and amanda come back with slurpees )
chris: yeah, like i said, i just hope my mom doesn't kick me out
amanda: well if she does i have a couch
chris: woah what are krabs and plankton doing here?
benjamin: they're our new employees. did you guys get the change?
amanda: oh shit we forgot
benjamin: sigh okay. eugene, why don't you go on the run to the bank
amanda: (gives him the money)
krabs: let me guess, you want 25 dollars in quarters, 15 in dimes and 100 singles
benjamin: yep
krabs: alright (goes)
chris: fuckin kiss ass
amanda: yeah what the fuck
benjamin: just get back to work guys
(spongebob and jade back in bikini bottom in spongebobs car)
spongebob: man what a day
jade: yeah, definitely worth missing that shift. even if it was for some stupid american retail goth place
spongebob: absolutely
jade: should we go back
spongebob: fuck that. shift ends in an hour
jade: so benjamin really doesn't care?
spongebob: yeah. he does, but he won't fire us
jade: yeah. i can't get fired. im in tough shit at the moment.
sponegbob: damn sorry to hear that
spongebob pulls up to jades
spongebob: well, here's your stop
jade: oh derek is here
spongebob: who's that?
jade: this guy who keeps coming to our house to steal our change
spongebob: oh my god...that's terrible
jade: yeah
spongebob: anywhere else i can take you?
jade: i have a shack on the side of 23 but here is fine
spongebob: ah...wanna crash at my place ?
jade: sure
spongebob: awesome. tomorrow morning im getting my friend from rehab. i'll ask amanda to pick u up from my house to take you to work
jade: aight. sounds good
(closing time at blockbuster. amanda and chris watching krabs and plankton sweep)
chris: what are they even sweeping?
amanda: total kiss asses
chris: what are they even doing working here?
plankton: some people need money
chris: yeah i know idiot. how's that crappy restaurant of yours?
krabs: i live in the krusty krab. it's still going
chris: whatever. man this really sucks. let's smoke amanda
krabs; i'll come if you're offering
amanda: we're not (they go out back)
krabs: oh
plankton: don't worry about them
(they continue sweeping)
(spongebob and amanda watching family guy)
spongebob: this show kinda sucks.
jade: it really does but its oddly watchable
spongebob: and background noise
jade: to what?
spongebob: paying bills
jade: (grabs spongebobs nose) what about sex?
spongebob: yeah i guess you can say that
...
(they start making out and progress into sex)
(sack comes in the room)
sack: (locks eyes with spongebob as jade is riding his dick and gives a thumbs up and leaves)
(patrick and barry at group therapy)
group leader: anyone leaving tomorrow wanna say some final words
patrick: i will. and don't worry, it won't be mean. ya know, i learned a lot about myself these past days. since 14, i've been drunk or high everyday and pretty much lost all sight of reality. kinda like that short story, the yellow wallpaper by charlotte perkins stetson, where the woman grows delirious from that wallpaper, but i digress. what i'm trying to say is, my head feels clear and i am more capable of speaking to people in a healthy manner. i still have a shit ton to learn and i'll do my best to learn what needs to be learned. i'm ready for that, and to all of you, i'm sorry for being such a dick. i see that and wish everyone the best luck when they're back in society. i will not angrily storm out for a cigarette. i will sit here respectfully
group leader: we're proud of you patrick
patrick: wow...no ones ever said that to me before
barry: (hugs patrick)
(the next day patrick and barry hanging out outside waiting for their rides)
patrick: welp here we are. sobriety
barry: and damn happy about it
patrick: thanks so much
barry: for what?
patrick: believing in me when everyone else lost hope.
barry: hey man, you did the same for me
patrick: i'm nervous man. i don't even know how to approach everyone. amanda, chris, benjamin and my best friend sponegbob, who has every right to hate me
barry: you'll know.
patrick: will i though?
barry: yep. maybe a week ago you wouldn't have but now you will know
patrick: yeah i hope man
barry: in 2 days you'll be picking berries
patrick: yeah, i'm hyped actually
(sees spongebobs car from a distance)
patrick: there he is
barry: hug me man (they hug) enjoy the first day of your life
patrick: keep in touch
barry: you know i will
(patrick walks in spongebobs car)
sponegbob: hey dude
patrick: can we go to the bank?
spongebob: for what?
patrick: i wanna take out a loan for a hot tub. also can we install a hot tub on your back deck? it's on me
spongebob: uhhh back up...how was rehab
patrick: fuckin awesome. i literally feel amazing. im ready to be a member of society again. thanks so much spongebob. you didn't have to pay to send me here but you did. and that's why im buying you a hot tub. think about the babes
spongebob: yeah...(imagines him and jade in the hot tub) oh yeah
patrick: why you smiling?
spongebob: just happy
patrick: ok good i thought you were sad to see me but you're happy! ahhh. i was technically not a member of society
spongebob: oh yeah...that's why im happy
patrick: (puts in his minor threat cassette) check this shit
(the song straight edge by minor threat plays as they drive home