Good news, everyone, a new update!
First things first:
Thank you guys so much for your support, the day after I posted my beta AKZJ / Alyah727 ("taming the unruly" she just posted a new chapter!) texted me: "OMG u got 6 new reviews [on ]!" and I didn't believe her until I saw for myself. You guys are amazing and really keep me motivated. I'd like to use this note to especially thank tonialla (if you're still here), Victoria Horn and Otaku-SIG from for staying with me for so long and taking time to repeatedly comment!
Of course I also have to thank my beta and Rexica ("disinhibition", a must read if you're into Zoro-pairings amd also, and I can't stress this enough, ninja!), not for all the nice comments she left (well that too) but for the great job she's doing as my… consultant (I guess?) She's got a really good grasp on all the strawhats and their dynamic so her input is a huge help, she helps a lot developing this story.
With that settled, let's get serious:
Reader discretion advised! I'm not going to say this each and every chapter, so here, remember, this is for mature audience, this contains sexual content and most of what I'm referring to that has happened in the past had not been consensual.
Last time Zoro had a shitty day, which lead him to forget about his resolution to be nice and try to woo her and instead just tell her what he wanted to do with her. Now we all know Robin had a difficult past let's find out how she reacts to Zoro's forcefulness!
7.
The light grey of his eye sensuously dark as he yanked her head back by her hair. Her arms lifting from the rough planks of the crow's nest as he pulled her back against his chest, before he devoured her needy mouth. "Scream, Nico Robin, scream for me," he murmured against her swollen lips, thrusting his hard length into her with fervour, stretching her in the most delicious way. She didn't, couldn't, fearing they'd be caught; wanted to, just couldn't. His hand found her throat, the grip tight and unrelenting. "When I tell you to scream you better do so, Robin" and she did. The pressure on her throat leaving it a strangled mewl as she came, her back arching from the soft mattress of her bed, her fingers pumping relentlessly, trying to prolong her pleasure for as long as possible.
Two weeks, it's been two weeks since the incident in the crow's nest and it still had not left her. In fact if anything, things had become more intense with every day that had passed. Same for her fantasies as well. What had started innocent enough, with deep stares and gentle touches by rough hands had mutated into something she could neither place nor approve of. What gave her the desired release now was a far cry from what had before, a far cry from the sweet romance novels she loved so much and disturbingly similar to what had made up her nightmares not too long ago.
When her breathing calmed she got up to wash up, glad that Nami had opted to watch Luffy on his watch, lest he made true on his promise of a midnight Picnic. Knowing she wouldn't be able to fall asleep again, at least without waking up a dripping mess again, she decided to get ready for the day, dawn was just around the corner after all. She took her hairbrush in her shamefully wrinkled fingers and ignored the soreness of her scalp from where she had tugged her hair too roughly. This couldn't go on, at this rate she'd go bald or crazy in no time. Maybe both.
She disrobed in front of the floor length mirror, scrutinizing her body in a way she hadn't for quite some time. She did have good genes, she had to admit. Her huge breasts sagged just a little, with their weight they could have been hanging down between her kneecaps after all. She still had stretch marks, had had them since she'd been 15, when her body had decided that it didn't attract enough male attention as it was and all but exploded on her. She still loathed it for that. The angry pink had faded, by now only white jagged scars were left, barely discernible against the paleness of her skin. Zoro hadn't seemed to be bothered by them. In fact no man had ever been bothered, not enough to stop at least.
She pulled her panties over her toned legs, she had them going at least even though her butt wasn't as firm as it could be with all the running she did. She put on her bra, wincing as the material scraped over her agitated nipples. Maybe it wasn't all genetics, she hadn't had a new mark ever since she'd started wearing 'Usopp's custom made reinforced awesome-bras', that were nothing but heavy-duty sport-bras disguised as skimpy lingerie. It was their little secret even though he had vague plans to expand the business. Nami had even offered him a loan with moderate interest, and that said it all. When she had slipped on her thigh length woolly pullover she looked at what really made her look old; the dark circles under her eyes, skin that wasn't just pale but sallow and hair that had lost its shine. She really needed more sleep, better sleep, sleep undisturbed by green haired incubi.
What affected her so much? The way his rough fingers had dug into her soft cheeks, the dark timbre of his voice promising her pleasure like she had never experienced before, the soft affection of his lips on her forehead? With barely a touch she had come the moment the latch had closed after him. She shouldn't react like that. She should be terrified. Should pack her things and leave. She had heard such promises before and they had ended with her beaten, raped and chained up. Had left her Crocodile's obedient little pet. What on earth made her even contemplate putting herself in such a situation again? And of her own free will at that! But...was that even Zoro's intention? He wasn't good with words, maybe it had just come out the wrong way? He had sounded uncharacteristically eloquent though, crass, yes, but the way his words had lulled her to acquiescence, the honey dripping promise… There hadn't been even an ounce of insecurity, of uncertainty, neither in his touch, nor his words. His voice had not wavered, his stare not let off. He had known what he had said, what he had implied; had not tried to lull her, but had spoken his mind without holding back for her sake.
He had said he wanted her bare before him but at this moment he had been the one bared for her to see. He would not be satisfied with just her body, in fact, she had probably insulted him with her proposal. Enough to snap; enough to stop trying to appease her or to keep up the appearance of friendly interest and to just outright tell her what he wanted and she had listened. He wanted a relationship, not meaningless sex. He wanted her and he would wait until he could have her, but once she was ready he would make her his. To him it was a matter of when, not if. At least that is what she had understood from his little outburst. That and that her body was more than ready to be his.
He wouldn't do such things to her, would he? Take her freedom and replace it with an illusion of it? Make her think that she was her own woman, that she served him of her own volition; that she sucked his revolting cock because she wanted to and not because it was ingrained in her mind that she would be whipped or starved if she didn't lap up even the last repugnant drop with a smile?
Bile rose in her throat, the memory of the pungent smell still vivid enough in her mind to make her gag. They had loved it when she gagged while they had their lengths shoved down her throat. Could punish her for it, after all an obedient little pet should cherish the attention of its master.
Deep breath, Robin, deep breath. Water. Glass of water. Breathe. Her chest grew tight as the soothing sound of the waves swelled to a screaming roar. Breathe. Her name in the distance. Breathe. Breathe. Touch on her shoulder. Please no! Breathe. Ohara. The earthy smell that always dominated in the tree of Knowledge. Breathe. The chocolatey smell of old books, breathe. The feeling of worn leather covers in her hands. Breathe. Dereshishishishi, Saul laughing for her. Two hands on her shoulders, turning her. Breathe.
"Are you Okay, Robin? Look at me!"
She looked. Scared, brown eyes before her. Worry. Quiet waves, sea, not the desert. Light shining into the cabin, not a dungeon or a cell. Nami, not Crocodile or one of the others. Breathe.
"You're shaking, Robin," she said.
She smiled, safe. She was safe here on the Sunny, with her crew. Things like that would not repeat themselves and Zoro would never even think of treating her that way. One last deep breath. "Thank you Nami, I'm fine now."
The woman did not buy that, her scrutinising gaze didn't leave her, "I understand why you wouldn't talk with Chopper about what you had to endure but I would listen," she said. Robin knew she would, knew that Nami could understand her, she just couldn't. Especially not now. Yes, Zoro would never treat her like that, but how could she… how could she want him to? Was she damaged beyond repair? Had she been nurtured into that role? She couldn't possibly talk to Nami about this, so she changed the topic: "Where did you leave the captain?"
The navigator furrowed her brows in irritation, not used to people not doing her bidding, "After we saw your arms sprouting randomly across deck I tied him to the mast with his arms to keep him from rushing in to save you from your invisible evil twin."
She smiled again, that did indeed sound like their captain, "Well, I better tell him that we managed to defeat her then."
Nami huffed behind her, "You do that, but believe me, talking helps. Back then I would have gone mad if I hadn't had Nojiko. I know it's hard to open up, talk about your weakness now that you are strong. I know you want to forget all that has happened to you, I… I understand, Robin."
She halted, her hand on the doorknob, Nami understood. Maybe she could talk to her. About what had happened to her, not about what was happening now. Fine. Instead of leaving she locked the door. "Fine," she said, sat on her bed. She told her, everything. From Ohara's destruction to Crocodile, omitting the gruesome details but providing the whole picture nonetheless and she felt nothing. No relief whatsoever. She had expected to feel lighter, now that she had unburdened herself, now that there was someone who knew and who had been through remotely the same, but nothing. So she really was damaged beyond repair, maybe she should just ask Zoro for a collar and be done with it.
"So, what changed? You've been fine for quite some time now, haven't you? Not even nightmares and now …?" Nami asked after a long stretch of silence.
She should have known that Nami would ask further questions. Maybe she should remind Cat burglar Nami of the saying about cats and curiosity.
"Has it something to do with all the masturbating?"
Oh no.
"You know I kind of did notice that you seem to be changing your sheets quite excessively..."
Oh no. Of course she had noticed!
"...Really, it's about time, I never understood how you could just talk for hours with that blockhead, honestly, does he even have any attention span if it's not about swords or booze?"
Oh no!
She stared at her, mouth agape, eyes wide. Just what should she do now? How had she found out? Just-
"...Well I guess he wasn't a complete idiot, after all he had used that extra money I gave him back on Karni-Island, I'm telling you, you two were so cute when you came back, thinking we wouldn't notice just because you came separately..."
We?! Who else knew? All of them? And nobody had talked?
"...Didn't stop him from fantasising about your panties though, after all, Zoro can't kill him for it, yohohoho…"
Brook then. Those gossips.
"...oh well, if Zoro keeps up with destroying the Sunny whenever he rubs one out Franky and Usopp will probably realise it, too..."
He what? This was humiliating. This was even worse than when Zoro had caught her in the library. She would never be able to escape now. Nami would squeeze even the last drop of information out of her to lord it over them for all eternity!
But then Nami stopped her rant, got up, stretching her arms like a cat after a satisfying nap. "Don't worry, Robin, Zoro is a good guy, heart of gold, even though his head is just as dense, I guess. He will treat you right, cherish you and love you on a bed of roses. Tell him to get a manicure before, though, those hands are like sandpaper," she said with a wink, making for the door.
"That's not what I want, Nami."
She stopped, mid stride, "What?"
She couldn't look at her, ashamed of herself. "It's not what I want, that's the problem. When I pleasure myself I don't think about gentle kisses and a soft caress on a bed of petals. I think about knees scraping over hard wood and his rough hand on my throat." She didn't look up to see Nami's reaction, the shocked gasp she heard was enough. Nami had been through rape and slavery, but she was normal, dreaming of soft and gentle lovemaking, praying to never be in a situation even remotely similar to what had been done to her. Just like she herself should, but didn't.
"Gods, Robin, you make me sick! Zoro is like a brother to me, I don't need such details!" she exclaimed.
Really, that's why? She chanced a glance up to her, still unsure and still ashamed. Nami smiled at her, encouraging, "I'm sorry, that was uncalled for, its just...really gross. Apart from that, who cares? Whatever gets you off."
Just like that? "How can you be okay with that? How can I want back what happened to me? I wanted to die back then and now I want that back? What's wrong with me?" How could she just stand there and condone this? She had experienced pain and violence, how could she be okay with someone not minding that?
"Nothing is wrong with you, Robin, because it's not the same. If Zoro hits you, or chokes you or whatever you guys do up there - please don't tell me- he does it because you want him to. He doesn't do it because he thinks less of you or thinks you deserve it because media called you the devil child, but because you trust each other. He does it because you allow him to. Honestly Robin, aren't you old enough to grasp the concept of consent?"
Hope you're still with me and enjoyed this one. As always, constructive criticism is very welcome, but since things are getting dark and possibly against some people's taste, please stay cordial.
The next three chapters are already done more or less, and since it's actually one big scene I'm considering uploading them with just a week in between instead of my attempted 2 week schedule (and yes I rushed the update again this chapter, but you all know I'm utterly defenseless against comments and reviews). Problem is that that could mean that you might have to wait a bit longer afterwards because I'm going to be pretty busy and can't promise any schedule beyond those 3 chapters. Let me know about your preference!
And yes, I'm aware that my notes are entirely too long^^