A/N: Heyo! Sorry for the wait! I've recently started working (yay, I got a job! I can afford to eat!) so I've been trying to get myself situated and get a new normal. Didn't help that after 2 weeks of work I caught the flu. -_- but I figured that I should use this time I'm coughing my lungs out to update this fic. Not my greatest work, but it's something. Even if we're diving pretty deep into the pseudo-science now, lol.

Anyway, hope you all enjoy it!

"Normal is an illusion, what's normal for the spider is chaos for the fly."

~ Charles Addams ~

We got no sleep that night.

In retrospect it was rather poor planning on Sasuke and my part, refusing to sleep the night before our Genin exam. But l can't express how little we cared. That was the last night we'd spend with Itachi for who knows how long, hell if we were wasting it sleeping.

And if that meant that we were all that little bit more grumpy the next day? Well, that was the price one paid for family.

So yeah, no sleep, but we did have a blast hearing some of Itachi's old genin-stories! Like how he was basically regarded as the "kunoichi" of his squad and given all the jobs normally reserved for the 'female' (because, in his all-male squad he'd been the youngest/looked the most defenceless.) He'd even told us about the one time they'd given him a dress and told him to go seduce some store owner-he'd been 9.

And yeah, maybe the implication was a bit creepy, and there was definitely some undertones of bullying to their interactions, but that didn't prevent Sasu-chan and I from bursting into laughter at the thought of our brother cross-dressing.

I think he regretted bringing up the story about the fifth time we called him "nee-chan," though.

But he got over it when we returned the favor by sharing our own series of embarrassing tales. Like that time I'd gotten it into my head to use my chakra threads like Spiderman, (not the my brothers knew who Spiderman was) and had ended up falling out of a tree and landing on a nice pile of...manure. Or the time Shisui had convinced me that he was so fast because he used chakra to hop from place-to-place, and I spent the rest of the week trying to figure out how to make my chakra "bouncy."

They laughed, not that I blamed them. Between Itachi and I we really managed to lighten the mood. None of our stories, however, came close to comparing to some of the things poor Sasuke had faced at the hands of his fangirls.

Itachi and I had largely escaped such a fate-he'd graduated before his fangirls got scary, and I'd went and gotten myself engaged-so we didn't quite understand. But the fear in my brother's eyes spoke volumes. And if even half of his stories were true (apparently Ino'd swapped minds with a squirrel one day and had stalked Sasuke into the bathroom?!) then it was a fear well-founded.

Looking back I'm certain our laughter'd have woken up half the clan-but no one had bothered to tell us to keep it down, or to go to bed. Not even our normally strict parents had shown up to chastise us. Whether this was because they'd wanted us to have as much time with Itachi as possible, or because said-brother had cast some sort of noise-cancelling-jutsu, the world may never know.

But I appreciated it all the same.

Even if it culminated in me sleeping through Kakashi-sensei's...calculated tardiness? And waking up, half-way through his speech, to the tickling sensation of an army of Kikaichu crawling over my cheek. It wasn't anything new to me, I'd often slept through class and had long ago gotten used to Shino's own personal method of "pst." Naruto, however, had not.

It showed.

"AWAAAH! THAT'S SO CREEPY!"

"Hn," I glared at Naruto. "And yelling when someone is trying to sleep is rather rude, but you don't hear Shino calling you out on it."

The blond turned to face me, eyes narrowing. "WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?!"

"Nothing much, just rather annoyed that someone who is supposed to be my teammate is trying to deafen me. Oh, and that whole insulting-my-best-friend-who-also-happens-to-be-your-teammate thing, that also pissed me off."

Part of me knew I was being rather short with Naruto; he hadn't really done anything to me, and half the village thinks the Aburame are creepy. I couldn't blame him for being blind to the majesty of bugs. But even as I thought that I could feel my heart hardening; this was meant to be the protagonist-the guy who'd win over the world with friendship and sunshine-yet here he was glaring at my best friend.

"These are Shino's allies," I tried again, softening my voice and holding up one of the Kikaichu on the tip of my finger, "every one of them has a life of their own and yet they would each die for Shino should he need it. It is wonderful and it is terrible, the perfect circle of life. But it is not creepy." I continued, ignoring the weight of Shino's gaze on me. If he wasn't going to defend himself it fell on me to do so. At least, I'm pretty sure that's how that whole 'fiance' thing works. "One day they could be the only thing standing between you and death, so maybe don't go insulting them?"

"But they were crawling out of his jacket! And, and all over your face!"

I growled, deciding to change tracks, "yes, they live inside Shino, have done since he was very young. It freaks most people out, half of the villagers ignore him. But, you know, we're his teammates, we're supposed to be understanding. How would you feel if half the village ignored you because of something like that?" I watched as Naruto made the connection I'd all but force fed him.

"A-ah," he called, face draining of blood, "sorry, teme."

Well, it's a start.

"Right," a voice called, snapping us out of our conversation. "Like I was saying, one bell, three of you," sensei called motioning to the charm.

Wait.

"One?" I questioned, confused and slightly worried. "Why is there only one bell?"

"Well, because only one of you can be my apprentice, of course!"

I paled. "V-very funny sensei," I continued brain running a million miles an hour. This was still a ploy, right? It had to be. Genin acted in 3 man squads, Naruto was the Jinchuriki, and our clans wouldn't really let Shino and I get shunted into the Genin Corps.

"Hm," he hummed, "it is funny that you think I'm joking. Did you honestly think we trained Saboteur teams? Everyone knows it's a one-man job!"

"R-right," I mumbled, trying to catch my mental footing. He's playing us, right? I couldn't have affected something like this? Unless...this really is an alternate universe?

I glanced at my teammates pale faces.

Doesn't matter, even if the point is to turn on each other. Let Naruto get the stupid bell, Shino and I have our clans to fall back on.

My eyes bled red.

"Right," I repeated running through and discarding scenarios as they entered my head, "Shino!" I snapped, "we need a plague if we hope to win."

"Understood." My friend whispered, reaching into his pouch. I could only hope he'd received my coded message. It'd been years since we'd had that conversation-

"So you say a swarm of Kikaichu? That's so boring! I thought it'd be something cool... like a plague of locusts!"

"...you're a locust." He grumbled motioning to my empty plate.

"Then so are you!" I shot out, embarrassed.

"Hn." He agreed, "why? Because I am to be a shinobi, and all shinobi are locusts."

"...a plague of shinobi? It like it," I agreed, laughing at the mental image. "A plague of shinobi but an army of caterpillars and a swarm of Kikaichu, it's perfect."

-but I was hopeful he'd remember. I wasn't the type of person to make such a rookie mistake, after all, calling his allies by the incorrect group-name.

"Got to say," a cheery voice called, cutting through my thoughts, "love the enthusiasm. But," he leaked some killing intent, "I haven't said 'start,' yet."

Sensei had barely finished speaking before I was booking it for the trees. Smart-aleck response or not, he'd technically said 'start' right then. Besides, ninja. And it gave him too much of an advantage if we sat around waiting for a "begin!"

"Swarm," I heard Shino yell arms raised to the heavens. The sky darkened as a cloud of beetles ascended, providing a flimsy sort of cover. I ignored stealth in the favor of speed, I wasn't good enough to be able to hide my chakra and keep my sharingan activated. And there was no way I was risking an encounter with Kakashi sans my sharingan. I only needed a second, though, so I wasn't worried.

Snake, ram, monkey, boar, horse, tiger; Grand Fireball jutsu!

My flamethrower shot straight at Kakashi, light eerily bright in the wake of the faux night Shino'd created. His Kikachu scattered, disappearing into the trees. A part of me kept track of sensei as he casually side-stepped the flame, and diverted the shuriken hidden with-in, but most of my attention was on Shino and Naruto who had managed to use the brief moment of distraction to hide.

Not that I thought sensei hadn't noticed (Naruto had actually yelped when Shino'd grabbed him) but the rapid change in lighting meant that he wouldn't have seen where they'd disappeared to, and that was the best situation I could hope for.

"Not paying attention to me? I'm disappointed," a voice called from my right causing me to whirl around and barely block the kick aimed for my head, "I expected more from the newest Uchiha prodigy."

I snorted. Does he really think I'm so easy to rile up? That was the last thought I'd managed before dissolving into a mess of muscle memory and split-second reactions.

"Lesson 1," Sensei chimed, sending a flurry of punches my way, "taijutsu."

Right, right, left, right, front-kick, jab, round-house.

I drowned out his words, ignoring the mocking lit to his voice, and the murmurs coming from somewhere behind me. The world faded away, and all that was left was the repetitive motions of punch-punch-kick as I weaved my way through sensei's attacks. This was something I was used to, this was something I could do. Even in that old life I was an old-hat at martial arts, I was hardly the greatest fighter around but I had enough fighting sense to be able to react. In this life I had spent years working on my craft, working to create my own forms combining all I knew of Taekwondo and gymnastics with the Uchiha style of fighting. Years sparing against Shisui, one of the fastest fighters in the village, trying to get my physical speed to match my sharingan. I was still a genin, there wasn't much strength behind my punches and I could only block so many kicks before my arms would give out, but dodging?

Well, let's just say, if sensei picked me because he thought I'd be the weakest in Taijutsu; then he was in for a long fight. I wasn't even blindfolded right now!

"You'll never defeat me if you don't attack," sensei goaded. I just snorted, using the brief reprieve to catch my breath and plan my escape. "I never would have pegged you for a coward." I shrugged, letting his smack-talk wash over me, beating him wasn't even our objective. We were told to get the bell, combat was always optional.

"Sorry sensei," I drawled, stalling for time, "but I'd rather be a coward than dead any day."

Now.

"Shadow-clone Jutsu!" A voice screamed flooding the area, I nodded to the nearest clone before bleeding into the forest, eager to find my team.

Took them long enough.

I was pretty sure it had only been three minutes, which wasn't an objectively long time. Especially considering Shino would have had to convince Naruto to work with us when the kid seemed to have issues a mile long-and I was getting that story from Shino one of these days.-But in a straight up fist fight? Three minutes was an eternity.

I watched as the allie Shino'd hidden in my hair took flight, tracking it's movement with my sharingan as I followed him to what should be our rendezvous point.

I'd barely stepped into the clearing before I was throwing up every area-affect genjutsu I knew. It wouldn't be much of a stall tactic, even without his Sharingan Kakashi was a jounin of Konoha, he could recognize a genjutsu when he saw one. That being said, he'd been underestimating us from the start, he wasn't likely to suspect I'd put up one genjutsu; let alone layered 7 on top of each other.

It'd be impossibly obvious to the Sharingan, at that level of concentration even the Byakugan would pick up on the chakra output. Luckily for us, however, Kakashi wasn't using his Sharingan, keeping it covered with his headband. I estimated he'd plow through 3 layers before deciding to reveal it.

It would probably only stall him for 20 seconds; but that was enough time to scatter.

"Alright," I muttered, nodding to my teammates in greeting. "He just tested me on Taijutsu so be prepared for him to attack you with either Nin or Genjutsu."

Shino nodded, slowly. "I have managed to tag sensei with one of my Kikaichu. I shall be able to provide us coordinates, should we wish to plan an ambush."

"Yeah!" Naruto whisper-yelled, voice echoing. I winced, glad I'd thought to cast an auditory genjutsu that made our conversation sound like the whispers of the wind. "Sensei won't know what him, dattebyo!"

"An ambush might work," I allowed, "although, even three-on-one we'd be hard pressed to defeat a jounin."

"I concur, however, I have been unable to devise an alternative course of action."

"Un," Naruto agreed, "we've been thinking this whole time, but it's not like sensei wouldn't see through all of our tricks!"

That's true, we were just as disadvantaged at stealth or evasion. He'd ferret us out eventually, and in that situation we wouldn't even have the advantage of an ambush. Then again, Kakashi had already shown a rather bad habit of underestimating us. If we were abstract enough in our thinking, he just might not see us coming.

"I have an idea," I muttered, locking eyes with my teammates. "How long do you think you can keep him distracted?" Their matching grins sent a chill down my back.

I'm sorry sensei.

Chakra is rather amazing.

I've said that before, but somethings just bear repeating. Chakra is amazing, and what we can do with it? Ridiculous.

Most people concentrate on jutsu when working with chakra; they acknowledge we use it in things like Taijutsu or Sealing but they never bother with the theory.

"Chakra is Energy," is enough for them, but as a once-upon-a-time-chemist I had a very nuanced understanding of the word "energy." What kind of energy? Electromagnetic? Ionization? Thermal? How does it cycle? Is it converted? As consumers we shouldn't be able to simply produce the energy, not without undergoing some sort of bastardized chakra-photosynthesis (chakra-synthesis?) If we consume it then the energy would come from a producer...who would still have to undergo "chakra-synthesis."

Well, the long-and-short of it was that I'd had a lot of questions growing up-

"If Chakra in the body presents as IR wavelengths why can the Sharingan pick up trace evidence of jutsu performance (considering the Sharingan picks up on the UV range?)"

-and, thankfully, Shino's aunt helped me to find the answers. Or, well, some of them.

Chakra, as we understood it, was broken down into two categories; physical and mental. Otherwise known as Yin and Yang. It is the combining of these two energies that produces "chakra" and yet every living thing has 'chakra' coursing through them. The same 'chakra' that makes up Biju, and Sage Mode; and yet, not the same at all.

The problem, I found, was in the notation. Everything was called 'chakra'! That old adage, "chakra is energy" wasn't a saying at all! Rather, people just used the word "chakra" in place of 'energy'! So the first thing I had to do was redefine my definitions.

Chakra became the overarching term for flowing energy; it can be further divided into two categories - Inert Chakra and Active Chakra. Inert Chakra is what all living beings naturally possess, it is commonly referred to as 'sage chakra' and is characteristically blank. Eating a plant with inert chakra would in fact give you said chakra; but it would remain inert unless your body possess the requisite process to convert it into Active Chakra. Thus a civilian does possess "chakra" perhaps even a large amount of "chakra" but to them it is simply "energy" which they get from eating, sleeping, relaxing. It is not some sort of super-power.

Active Chakra, however, the kind used in jutsu, are broken down into Yin and Yang components (from what I've been able to gather our Yin Chakra is converted from Inert to Active via neuronal mechanisms, while our Yang chakra is converted via cellular respiration.) Inert chakra is what exists in the IR range, appearing no different from our body heat; it is only once it's been converted to active chakra that the energy's potency skyrockets and it jumps through the visible spectrum until it eventually hits the UV range.

In fact, you could tell how close to 'inert' (or sage) a chakra is based on its coloration. At least, so I've theorized. I haven't been able to get a sample from Naruto yet (not meant to know about his furry-little-problem) but the idea that the Kyubi chakra (appearing Red) is close to Sage Chakra made intrinsic sense to me. Especially when I managed to prove that ''generic" chakra that we use was more energetic than Medic-Nin chakra (which followed the trend as Medic-Nin chakra appeared Green, and generic chakra was Blue) and all of this was just a fancy way to say that active chakra exists on a spectrum and that one can move up-and-down the spectrum depending on the ratio of mental-to-physical energy they mix.

The more mentally inclined jutsu; genjutsu, sealing, etc. required chakra closer to that of sage chakra, medical-jutsu required a near perfect blend of mental/physical energies, and the chakra used in ninjutsu and Taijutsu were far more active in nature (drawing more heavily from one's physical energy.)

And this was all interesting, and did explain my predisposition to genjutsu over the fireball technique (it was much easier to train my mind than my body) but it was all theoretical. What I'd wanted was something practical some tangible ability that would allow me to utilize this knowledge. And then I'd discovered chakra strings.

The ability to project active chakra out of one's body and manipulate it with a thought.

Those poor labs were never quite the same.

The idea of chakra strings was that one projected a steady stream of chakra out of a mobile appendage with enough force that it would travel the distance to the target and attach itself. They say "steady" stream, as any inconsistency in power would cause the constructs to fade or implode, (I speak from experience) and a lack of force would cause the strings to fall short of their target (again, experience).

Power, however, can be kept constant even while changing the frequency of one's chakra. Provided one equally changed the time/distance over which the strings were being projected. What this meant was that I could change the type of chakra my strings were comprised of, even after I attached them.

There were restraints, of course, how close I had to be to a target, how long I could hold the construct, etc. But the implications, well, let's just say that doors aren't the only things I've exploded, recently.

Let's see him predict this.

It was a simple matter to send a chakra string shooting towards the lone bell. Even while dealing with Shino and Naruto's combined melee attacks Kakashi was standing relatively still (trying to give off the air of 'I am eons beyond ye peasants'). And since my chakra mixture was 90/10 in favor of physical energy the string was completely invisible (Kakashi would have easily seen it, had he bothered to use his Sharingan) as it stood it was only my own Sharingan that allowed me to see it connect properly.

Had I been a puppeteer this would be the moment that I reeled the string in, bringing the bell to me like a fish on a rod. This, however, had many drawbacks as Kakashi's reaction speed would have him grabbing it mid-air and severing my connection. After which he would be too cautious to allow me a second attempt.

As I am not a puppeteer, however, I took a different route. Carefully rubbing my cloth gloves over my pants I hid the smirk as I felt the familiar zing of static build up.

Uchiha may be known for their fire-jutsu but it was a little-known fact that they were also proficient in lightning. If my string had been attached to his heart, and if I had been the type of person who believed in murder, then it would have been a simple task to send a small jolt down my thread; assassinating the jounin-level shinobi. (Well, not quite, Kakashi was proficient with lightning jutsu himself, but still).

As it stood however, my goals were far more benign, as with a little twitch to my chakra I sent the charge down my string which I had since coiled around the bell. Unless I missed my guess, that bell was made of iron, and so it should be a simple trick to just…

Got it.

"Shino, Naruto, fall back!"

I barely hide my smirk as the two jumped to my sides in near perfect sync. Shino glanced at me from the corner of his eye, and I just nodded. Naruto was less benign.

"Ne, did you get it?! Did you use like a super secret jutsu!? Hey, wait, sensei still has the bell!"

I chuckled, reached up a hand, and smacked him on the forehead.

Well, on his forehead-protector, but semantics, right?

Naruto yelped, jumping back and Shino shot me an unimpressed look...he's going to have words with me later, I can just feel it.

Before either of them could say anything, I started sprinting to sensei. "Tag!" I yelled over my shoulder, "you're it!"

What proceeds was the most half-hearted taijutsu battle that has ever been seen. With the three of us tag-teaming Kakashi sensei in a hog-posh of moves that shouldn't quiet work and yet somehow did (mainly because my Sharingan allows me to weave seamlessly between the boys). All the while sensei's bell was going tugtugtug.

Until, finally.

Snap.

It went flying towards us three.

Oh, sensei tried to catch it, alright. But he wasn't expecting his attempt to cause the bell to shoot off even faster. Nor was he expecting it to land-

Smack!

-on Naruto's headband.

I smiled.

"So, this means we pass, right?"

Sensei just stared.

"Magnetism," Kakashi thought to himself after dismissing his-shudder-new students. Of all the ways he imagined that spar going down, having a genin magnetize the bell was not one of them. True having her teammates headband act as the North pole and his own glove (when had she even had time to affect it? During their taijutsu bought?) the South, was inspired.

It all but prevented him from grabbing the bell that would constantly be trying to get awayawayaway from his hand guard. And with his ability to use Shadow Clone jutsu Naruto would be the clear choice if he'd been inclined to retrieve the bell. Not that he'd tried, since the entire point of the test was to get them to implode.

Not that it had worked.

"Congratulations, Naruto, you pass." Kakashi beamed, interested to watch how quickly this 'team' turned on itself. "You're my new apprentice. Say goodbye to these other two."

"Wha, wait! I didn't do anything! It was all Naori a-and Teme!" Naruto shot out, worry in his posture.

"I don't know what you're talking about, do you Shino?"

"I too am uncertain as to this show of humility."

"Gah! Stop it! I didn't do anything, I just sent my shadow clones in when you told me to! I'm not even sure how the bell got here!"

"...perhaps it was attracted to your magnetic personality?" Shino muttered.

"Did teme just make a joke?!"

"...yes," Naori drawled, "but I don't think you got the punchline."

"Mou," Kakashi interjected, desperate to get things back on the right path, "it almost seems like you guys don't want to be my students."

"..."

"...you know what, just for that I'm passing all of you!"

No, it definitely hadn't worked. Kakashi wasn't sure how, but between Shino's level-headedness, Naori's laissez-faire attitude, and Naruto's need to be accepted the three had hit upon a very precarious stability.

It was an odd dynamic, as usually the genius of the group would snub the 'dead-last' and the Kunoichi would be left to play mediator (if she were competent) or fangirl (if she was less so). Instead, however, the genius turned out to be not the high scoring student, but the mediocre Kunoichi, who seemed inclined to treat both of her teammates as capable shinobi. The true high-scoring shinobi seemed to trust her opinion enough to follow her lead. And the dead-last, faced with instant acceptance by his teammates was left to live up to those expectations.

It wasn't a perfect system, and if someone managed to compromise Naori then the whole thing would crumble. Then again, Kakashi wasn't entirely sure there was a team out there that wouldn't crumble in the face of a compromised comrade.

Still, magnetism?

...this team was going to be some kind of terrifying.