CHAPITRE 4 - I kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart

An answer. That was all she asked. For years, she had been patient. She had taken care not to hurt the others' feelings despite her own. She had waited and waited again. Waited outside the door of Elsa's room. Waited for her parents to tell her about this secret that took up so much space in their lives. In her life.

But she had only encountered failures. Silence. Closed doors.

Until she stopped caring.

It wasn't a matter of choice. She had to distance herself to survive. She had enough of lonely tears. She forced herself to grow, putting aside that little girl who just wanted her heroine back. She had stopped dreaming of fairy tales and knights coming to rescue her. She had grasped the sword that the king held out to her and had started to slay the dragons herself.

Despite all her efforts, seeing Elsa was enough to make her travel back in time. She was this little girl again, confused and too fragile in front of someone who could easily break her heart.

Thirteen years later and still no answer.

"Please talk to me, Elsa."

She hadn't begged like that for so long and she shouldn't have done it now that she was queen. But who was going to judge her ? Herself, maybe. She felt so weak. A part of her couldn't bear this whiny attitude. Not because she was the queen but because she shouldn't have stooped to that. She deserved better after all the efforts she had made to get out of the harmful cycle.

"It's been years and it's like fate has brought us together."

Despite everything, she was unable to stop talking. Unable to stop trying. Maybe that would be her only chance. Who could tell that Elsa was not going to disappear again ? She already had enough regrets. Remorse would be easier to bear.

"Why didn't you come to the coronation ?"

She knew immediately that she had made a mistake. The subject was too sensitive. Elsa's features were twisted, her fists clenched against her body. But the words flowed by themselves. Like a wave taking everything in its path, unable to stop before smashing against the cliff.

"I wanted you to be there. As I wanted you to be by my side when we lost mom and dad."

Elsa was hurting, Her eyes made glossy with pain. They reflected Anna's pain. Maybe it was the only thing that had united them all these years.

"Hell, I even wanted you to be there when Grandpa died. He was so important to me. I couldn't have done it without him."

Admitting it was like a blow to her ego. The event was recent and she was no longer a child. She shouldn't have wanted to be comforted by her big sister that much. Yet it was the first thing she had thought of. Not the kingdom, not her future. Elsa. Because there were only the two of them left. Elsa was her only family.

Because she felt ashamed of this confession she had looked away. She had ignored the signs. She hadn't seen this new emotion in Elsa's eyes, the blue sharpening, getting colder. The filaments of ice going up along Elsa's arms. The swirling flakes around her hands. She only noticed the cold that made her shiver and rub her arms in a reflex. The gesture broke the tension and when she looked up at her sister it was only because she had loudly exalt a cloud of pale mist. She was more closed than ever, as if gigantic walls had been built around her.

"Elsa-"

"You should go to sleep."

That's it?Apparently yes. Elsa had bypassed her without a look. And still without answering her.

"Stop ignoring me !"

Too loud. She had seen Elsa jump before she even grabbed her arm. She had to stop her. Not again. Don't leave me again.

"Anna, let me go."

Panic was barely contained in her voice. Anna hesitated yet unable to let go. She was already too far. She was a mess, tears running down her cheeks while her breathing became labored.

"Not until you answer me. Give me something. ANYTHING."

"Please, Anna. I don't want to hurt you."

"So stop acting like that ! There is nothing that hurts me more."

The grip she had on Elsa's arm loosened. She no longer had the strength to fight. Not for the two of us. The crying became a heartbreaking sob when Elsa took the opportunity to escape.

Her sister was like the others. They always left. Anna should have known. She was never good enough.