The setting sun twinkled against the lake in a sparking display as the small crowd started to gather on the beach. It was their ritual summer kick-off staffing bonfire, always held the Friday before the first campers arrived on Sunday. Remy had prepped them a tray of grilled corn and prawns to go with their regular hotdog and s'mores roast. Everyone was looking forward to another summer of him spoiling them with his culinary magic.
The typical reunion was filled with hugs and laughter, catching up with each other and cracking a few beers. There was a bummed moment from the group as they learned Ororo wouldn't be back this year, but they didn't linger on it too long, deciding to focus on their new junior staffers instead. Bobby and Kitty were fresh faces to the group, still in high-school.
Jean wiggled her finger at Hank teasingly on the log they shared, "Easy there, he's a baby."
Hank's whole face lit up and he put a hand up to his chest, "What?"
Jean smirked. She had caught him already eyeing up Bobby like youthful meat, "He's probably not even eighteen yet, ya perv."
"Oh shut up, I'm just jealous I never looked that good in my teens. I looked like I was beaten with the awkward stick!"
She laughed, "We all did."
Scott plopped down next to them, cracking open a can of beer. He had learned to enjoy cheap beer that tasted like piss after a hard day's work with Victor in Arizona.
"See, now that's a man!" Hank's eyelashes curled at Scott.
Jean eyes almost fluttered out of her head, "Oh, right,"
Scott brought the cool can to his lips, taking a sip, unsure of what he just walked in on.
Jean threw her arm around Scott and joked, "I guess our little baby boy has come a long way this past year."
The fizzy liquid caught in Scott's throat, almost choking, "Little baby boy?"
"Yeah, look at you!" Hank controlled his amusement, "You were this shy weird quiet guy last year and now you're practically running this place!"
Jean interjected, her tone laced with defense. Clearly, she was still a little stubborn about having to share responsibilities with Scott, "Woah there, we are co-leading this year, Hank. He doesn't have the keys to the camp just yet." She laughed, and Scott finally cracked and joined in.
Their lighthearted banter sounded like murmurs across the fire to Logan. Like clockwork, he always showed up for just long enough to greet everyone. Then he slowly worked his way into the background until he was gone. His eyes narrowed at the three of them and Jean caught his frown from across the flickering flames. She couldn't explain why, but there seemed to be some weird tension between Scott and Logan. She noticed they didn't speak a ton, not that either man was a huge talker, but they clearly avoided each other outside of various projects around camp together. It wasn't as noticeable when camp is in session, but in the juvenility of season and a lack of staff, it stuck in an awkward obvious way. She knew Logan could be a little tough like unworked leather, but something about this was different.
"Oh my gawd, Sugah! This corn is life right now," Marie walked up barefoot in the sand, happily munching on some of the perfectly blackened sweet corn that Remy provided the group. "That man can cook, Ah tell ya!"
"Honey, I am stuffed!" Hank rubbed his belly, a typical animated response.
"Ah heard ya are going off to Washingtin' in the fall. That's so exciting, Jean" Marie finished her corn and threw the spent core into the fire pit where the flames gobbled it up.
Jean's attention was brought back to the group, "Yeah," she forced a smile, not really wanting to think about the end of the summer right as it was beginning.
"Please tell me you're not driving that scrap metal on wheels all the way out there," Hank's eyes cornered the redhead.
"How else would I get out there?"
Hank threw his hands in the air and Marie gave an exasperated moan at the same time.
"Uh, I don't know…there's such thing as an airplane!" Hank's sarcasm could be cut with a knife.
Jean violently shook her head, her soft red waves tossing side to side, "Yeah, I don't do planes."
Scott's head perked up, finally seeing something that made this feisty fearless woman afraid.
"Giant hunks of metal are certainly not meant to be in the sky," Jean defended herself, "It's unnatural. I'll stick to my car, thank you very much!"
"Oh, because your car is so much safer. That thing is like a ticking bomb, ready to go off and break down at any minute. Jean, I can't with you," Hank shook his head.
Jean glanced back across the fire and Logan was gone. He hadn't really spoken much to her that night and she contemplated following him. Flashes of last summer flickered in her mind and she could still taste the whiskey kiss on her lips. The thought brought tingles down to her essence. It was an exciting feeling, but it led to her embarrassing flop with Scott and she decided to behave this time and stay put with the group. With having to co-lead this year, she didn't need any reason to look incompetent to anyone. Charles apparently already thinks she needs help.
The first camp session went smoothly, the younger kids frolicking around the camp like a bunch of sugar bees buzzing around wildly. Scott had the kids repaint the archery boards and plant some flowers. The kids loved getting paint and dirt smeared all around their rosy little cheeks. Scott was patient with them, teaching them how to properly control a paintbrush and how to make perfect little pockets in the dirt to plop little starter flowers into. He enjoyed being back in Michigan, the soil was much more agreeable than the red clay of Arizona. The smell of the summer grass and flowers was much more vibrant up north with the humid air and fertile earth.
He saw the others grow weary towards the end of the first session, coming to breakfast like zombies and guzzling all the caffeine their bellies could fill. He still was feeling like it was the first day. He woke up every morning and went for a run and showered before the kids were even up. He had a feeling his prior year at Camp Magneto prepared him for the return.
In his downtime, he snuck off to the old cabin in the woods. He wasn't a fan of being idle and found it relaxing to retreat to his quiet sanctuary tucked on the far side of camp, hidden by the woods. He put his mind to rest by putting his hands to work. During one of his escapes to the a-frame, he brought out a broom, axe, and a large garbage bin. It was a little bit of a hassle bringing the items along, but he didn't mind it too much.
He began clearing out the inside, throwing out the old couch and tearing out the thin flimsy wooden cabinets. He chopped them up in a wood pile outside, knowing they would make decent firewood at some point. The appliances were actually in decent shape, other than needed to be cleaned up, they didn't look as old as he first thought. He wiped them down until they shined, the teal green metal suggesting they were probably from the seventies. He covered them with a tarp and worked on the rest of the insides on various trips out.
It took a few weeks, but he managed to strip off the peeling wallpaper and tear down the ratty old curtains. He began removing rotted floor boards and broken steps. He remembered there were various oak boards stacked in the barn, looking untouched for years judging by the dust that had gathered on them. They looked like spare parts and he brought them out to the cabin to put in place of the boards he had removed. It was beginning to look decent, at least on the inside. It was a shell with an old table and bookshelf in the middle of the room. It wasn't exactly homey, but it wasn't a dump anymore.
"Truth or dare?" Jubilee asked the group while snacking on a bag of chips.
It was early July and they were in between camp sessions. A group of them decided to have some drinks, kick back, and play childish games for fun. It was mostly the girls and Hank. They hung out in the muggy farmhouse living room, tunes playing in the background from the local pop rock station on an ancient fm radio.
"Dare!" Hank wiggled his eyebrows at the group, taunting them to give him their best dare.
"Hmm," Jubilee popped another chip in her mouth while thinking.
"Oh, Ah got a good one," Marie rubbed her hands together mischievously as all eyes fell on her, "Put on one of Kitty's sun dresses!"
The girls all burst out in a chatter of laughter, "Oh my God, do it!" Jubilee threw her chip bag on the table in anticipation.
Kitty glanced nervously around the group and looked at Hank. She was warming up to the group pretty nice but still a little bit shy.
Hank stood up stoic, "Bring it on," he looked at Kitty, "To the dressing room!"
Hank and Kitty disappeared up the creaky stairs and the rest of them took the short break to grab a fresh beer, the chorus of tabs popping open filling the room.
"Ahem," Kitty's young voice caught their attention as she came down the stairs, "Presenting, the fabulous Hank McCoy!"
She walked over and cranked the radio just as a high beat jam started to play and Hank strut down the stairs, owning ever step as he powered down to the group in a flowing flowery sun dress. The girls started whistling and whooping.
Hank reached the bottom and did his best Cindy Crawford twirl, "That's Mr. Fabulous to you, bitches!" He twirled again, "Don't hate me cause you 'aint me!"
"Wow, you might have to keep it, it looks way better on you!" Kitty's face twisted in laughter.
Hank plopped down on the couch, apparently not in any rush to change and they started to settle down.
Jubilee wiped a tear from laughing away from the corner of her eye, "Oh my god, just wow, that was a hoot!" She settled back on her spot on the couch, "Okay, Hank, you totally win!"
Hank pursed his lips together, somehow exuding more sass, "Uh-uh, we are not done. I totally earned my turn!"
Jean grinned, "Okay, that's fair, one more," she said sipping her beer.
The crossdresser narrowed his eyes to the group, "Hm, who shall be my victim?" His eyes lit up as they landed on Marie, "Okay, Marie-"
Marie stiffened in her seat, excited and terrified at the same time, "Shoot, Sugah."
"Truth or dare?"
There was a pause as Marie contemplated her answer, "Truth."
There was a moan of responses, clearly, they all wanted another dare. Hank put his hand up to the group, "Truth can be fun too, ladies." He thought quietly for a moment then lowered his voice, "Okay, how many people have you slept with?"
The group held their breath, "Jesus Hank, that's a little personal" Jean chimed in.
"Jean, the grandma prude as usual!" Hank stuck his tongue out at her.
"Ah don't think it's that big of a deal," Marie finally spoke up and everyone else turned their attention to the southern brunette, "Ah think maybe…" she counted in her head, "Four."
"Woah!" Jean let a laugh slip between her lips.
The corner of Jubilee's mouth twisted, "Four isn't bad. Do you think that is a lot, Jean?"
Jean's face turned ten shades of red before she could respond.
"I am only on two, but four is reasonable," Hank gave his own number unsolicited.
"Two too!" Jubilee threw her hand up and high-fived Hank.
"Okay, that's enough with a minor in the group," Jean sat up in her 'party over' voice.
Kitty shrugged, "It's okay," she sipped her can of cherry coke, too young to partake in the alcohol.
"Stop being so Mother Mary, Virgin Theresa," Hank complained.
Jean's head whipped around, "First of all, you got those reversed."
"Are you a virgin, Sugah?" Marie's voice floated above the rest.
Jean felt her pulse race through her body a thousand times, "No, of course not." She lied.
"Ah didn't think so, but ya never know!"
"So, when did you lose your virginity?" Hank focused his attention back on Marie and Jubilee.
"Probably about nineteen," Jubilee's eyes wandered off to a memory, "It was so bad!" She began to laugh, "It was the summer after high school in the marching band van on a summer retreat."
Jean retreated to the kitchen, dodging anymore sex questions but kept her ear open, listening to them banter on.
"Yeah but I remember feeling powerful afterwards!" Jubilee's voice went on, "The sex itself was like shit, but man I felt like the shit."
Jean leaned against the kitchen counter spinning a strand of amber hair between her thin fingers. She hadn't given dating much time or thought while focusing on her studies during the year. She had her flirty moments here and there, and guys were always making advances, but she never really felt like it was worth her time. The fact that she was a virgin felt like it put a big sticker on her head, like 'look at me, I'm a total loser'. She didn't really feel it was anyone else's business who she slept with or when. But maybe that's why she felt so childish at times, like a baby in a grown-up world.
The screen door interrupted her thoughts and she looked up to see Scott coming through, he was sort of a mess with his dirty hands and dusty hair. He had been disappearing at night occasionally. She assumed he was working on some stuff around the camp, but she had so many other things she was juggling this summer, she didn't have time to prod.
"Hey," he looked up, as if being a deer caught in headlights. Clearly, he didn't expect anyone to be standing in the kitchen while he snuck in.
"Hi," Jean wasn't really up for talking or dragging Scott into this whole number of sexual partners conversation. He didn't seem up for chitchat either and she was thankful for it.
"I was just headed up to bed," Scott stood there a little uneasy looking, clearly not looking to discuss what he did tonight, and he was avoiding asking her the same question.
"Same, see you in the morning," Jean smiled. There were parts of Scott that were still a mystery sometimes, but he wasn't as invasive as her other friends and times like this, she appreciated him.
Bobby and Kitty were finishing up lunch when Remy approached them about needing help. There was a leak from one of the sinks and Remy was determined he could fix it, claiming he'd done some light plumbing work in the past. He asked if they could head out and find a wrench and some bolts from the maintenance barn while he began to prepare dinner. The two happily agreed, always excited to find an excuse to explore more of the camp. Their junior staffers roles typically kept them confined to a few of the same areas.
"Is this your first time working at a camp?" Bobby asked Kitty as they were well into the woods on their mission.
"Yeah, I love it!" Kitty's typical buoyant and upbeat attitude shining through.
Bobby kicked a rock and watched it skitter across the path in front of them, "Is there anything you don't love?"
Kitty's medium brown sugar-coated hair flipped over her shoulder as she turned to him while keeping their pace, "What does that mean?"
Bobby kicked the small stone again as they caught up with it, "Nothing bad," his lips cracked a smile, "You're just enthusiastic about everything."
"Not everything."
"Yeah?"
Kitty sighed, "I hate my sister."
Bobby erupted with laughter, "Wow, what a horrible person you are. Relax, no one really likes their siblings all the time. I wouldn't count that against you."
"Yeah but she's like extra awful."
"How so?"
Kitty shrugged, "She's just fake and my whole family buys into it. She took off to Chicago for a big office building job and they all think she's the coolest thing since sliced bread."
Bobby swatted at a mosquito, "That doesn't sound so bad?"
"No, it doesn't. I can't explain it, but she's kinda mean to me. Always teased me growing up. She's like five years older than me, so I was always in her shadow in high school. And of course, she was the cheerleader prom queen type," Kitty's eyes rolled.
"And I take it you're not?"
"No!" Kitty shrieked, "I mean, I have some friends and stuff. But I am my own person. I have my own interests. She calls me 'Shadowcat' to get under my skin, I am no one's shadow."
"But she's in Chicago, right? So, you don't have to see her a ton."
"Yeah, but it's a couple of hours away. She comes home way too often for my own liking and it's usually to brag about something."
"She sounds like a total bore," Bobby looked over at Kitty and that got a laugh out of her.
"Are we going the right way?" Kitty paused and looked around, "I don't see a barn and we've been walking for like fifteen minutes," she looked down at the black sports watch wrapped around her wrist.
Bobby scratched his head, "That long already? Uh…"
"Did Remy say left at the first trail, or second…or were we supposed to go right?" Kitty was normally pretty well balanced on her directions but the trails in the woods twisted in knots through the trees, everything blending and looking the same.
They both looked around, now second guessing themselves.
"Truthfully, I don't really understand what he says half the time," Kitty laughed.
An echoed pounding caught their attention in the distance.
"What's that?" Kitty's nervous eyes fluttered around.
"Sounds like a hammer. I bet we are getting close, let's keep going."
They continued down the path further, the intermittent pounding becoming louder until they came to the edge of the path that led to an old beat up looking cabin. There were piles of wood in the outside with various piles of debris.
"Is this it?" Kitty's face twisted into confusion, "I thought it was a barn?"
They looked at each other, both unsure if they were in the right spot. The door was wide open, and they could hear footsteps from inside coming closer. Scott walked out onto the small porch and the color drained from his face.
"Oh man, hey Scott!" Bobby started to walk up, and Scott quickly walked down to meet them, blocking the view from inside the building, "Remy needs some tools for the kitchen." He tried to peer past Scott, but the man's broad frame seemed to be intentionally trying to keep them from coming closer. "Man, why do you guys call the maintenance building a barn? This is the lousiest barn I've ever seen."
Bobby and Kitty both giggled.
"It's not the barn," Scott's typical steady composure seemed rushed.
"Oh, then what's all this?" Kitty's eyebrows narrowed quizzically at the new discovery.
"Just a small project," he kept his answers short, hoping the two wouldn't think much of it being new to camp with their limited understanding of how everything worked, "You actually shouldn't be all the way out this far into the woods, you must have taken a wrong turn."
Kitty grinned and glanced over at Bobby, "See, I told you! I thought we were walking way too far."
"Alright, let me show you were the barn is and I'll take care of what Remy needs," Scott ushered them back down the path they came down.
Summer continued with its usual enthusiasm, exhausting their energy with each round of camp and sun kissing all the campers with their usual mid-summer glow. Jean and Scott ran the summer pretty seamlessly together, adding in the camp projects with the campers was a huge hit. The kids loved having some new activities and Jean welcomed them as a distraction. Their truth or dare night had been eating away at the back of her mind for a couple weeks.
She hated how insecure she could feel at times. It pulled at her harder than ever about being a virgin. Perhaps it was finally time to take the plunge and get the damn thing over with. She knew of only one person who would be a potential candidate willingly. She had a wild idea simmer in her mind and it finally boiled over to the top.
One night that she was free of staffing duties, she slinked off to the farmhouse after dinner. She took her time showering and pulling out a makeup bag she packed for the first time in months. She fumbled with the mascara application brush and applied a black liquid coat to her thick lashes. She applied a little blush and finished with a pucker of Chapstick on her soft lips.
Jean rummaged through her bag full of t-shirts, tank tops, and ripped shorts. She didn't exactly plan on bringing anything sexy to wear at camp, but she also didn't really own anything of that sort. She settled on a black lowcut tank and her shortest pair of faded jean short cut offs. She threw on her favorite navy sneakers and snuck out the back, making sure not to be seen.
Am I crazy?
Her mind raced back and forth as she snuck through the trees, her attention on high alert for anyone nearby. The blackness of night concealed her as she crept down the path, almost talking herself out of her plan a few times.
Chops of wood being split by sharp metal echoed through the trees nearby. She hesitated as she approached the lone cabin on the far side of the camp. Her heart raced, knowing Logan was outside. She was hoping he would be inside, so she could change her mind at any instant before knocking on his door.
She arrived at the edge of the intimate clearing outside of his cabin, stopped just short of being seen and watched the man chopping wood. His back to her and she felt her heart do somersaults as she silently observed the shirtless man, his muscles flexing under his skin with each swing of the axe.
He paused and wiped his brow. She sucked in her breath trying to remain still, suddenly feeling aware that she was standing there unsure if she should say something or sneak off.
"Are you just gonna stand there watching all night?" He turned, and his dark brown eyes met hers immediately. Shit.
She bit her lower lip, "Logan," she fumbled for her words, embarrassed she was caught. He had an uncanny way of knowing when she was sneaking around, "I was just going, well I just finished dinner…I didn't mean to-"
His skin was damp with sweat and she walked forward out of the trees. She felt her silly crush crash down on her like it did every summer.
"You're cute when you get caught," he grinned and set the axe down on the tree next to her. "Come by for another one of those drinks?" he turned and winked at her.
The heat spread over her cheeks, "Ah, well…" she hesitated and sucked in a deep breath, "I mean, if you are offering." Apparently, she was more dedicated to this plan than she thought, the adrenaline pushed her forward. She surprised herself.
Logan raised a brow clearly not expecting her to follow through.
Jean shrugged and wrapped her arms around herself. Her voice was jittery, "Oh, shut up. Are you going to invite me in or what?"
He wiped his hands off on his jeans and gave in, "Sure," he turned and made his way up the few steps and into the front door. Jean took the invitation, following him in like a puppy. "I've got to quick shower, but I'll be just a minute," She wasn't exactly sure what she was doing, but it was a fun thrill, like juggling a jar of bees.
He motioned to the kitchen telling her to help herself and retreated to the bathroom. She heard the shower turn on and her skin burned thinking about the naked man in the other room. She kicked off her sneakers at the front door and turned to the small kitchenet, focusing her attention on pouring a small glass of whiskey. She wasn't sure if he owned anything else but fumbling through his cabin felt invasive, so she stuck to their familiar drink, welcoming the liquid courage.
She gulped down half a glass and breathed through the burn, "What am I doing?" She spoke to herself in a whisper, pacing the kitchen floor.
Should I leave?
No.
Yes.
Maybe.
Shut up Jean, and act like a freaking adult!
Her thought was interrupted by Logan emerging from the bathroom, steam pouring out from behind him. He had a pair of dark gray sweatpants, his top half bare bronzed taught skin. The moisture clumped his hair and small droplets rolled down to his chest and disappeared in to the thick course hair.
"Everything okay?" his deep voice snapped her back into the moment.
She nodded and grabbed the whiskey bottle again, pouring them each a half glass, "Yeah," she tried to keep it light and cool. He walked over to her in the small open kitchen, standing a few feet apart. His lip twitched, and she felt him rake her skin with his dark eyes. Her chest heaved as she filled her lungs and turned to hand him a glass.
Their fingers brushed as he grabbed the glass. Her nerve endings tingled where they lightly touched in her fingertips. He took a long swig and put the empty glass on the counter forcefully. It made her jump and she let out a nervous burst of giggles, like a bubbling fountain.
"What are you doing here?" He voice was low and the heat from his skin blanketed her.
Jean stepped forward, looking up into his dark swirling eyes, like a robust blend of black coffee. She swallowed and placed her hand on his forearm that was still clutching his glass. She saw his jaw tighten. She decided to cut to the chase, "I want you."
He turned his head away, "Jean," clearly, he was restraining himself. "Don't tempt me," his mouth watered. "A man can only be a gentleman for so long."
"Oh, you're a gentleman now?" she quirked a brow at him. Her hand slid up to his bicep, clutching it slightly and pulling herself closer to him, his muscles tensed beneath her touch.
"I thought we settled this last year," his raw voice like grit and sandpaper. He finally looked back down into her face, studying it closely. Does he notice the makeup? One of his large hands lifted to her neck and he stroked the back of it with his thumb, "We can't."
"It's fine," her words were velvety, coaxing him. A wave of confidence washed over her and her own voice lowered in a breathy sultry tone, "I'm not a kid anymore, Logan," she reminded him firmly. "I'm a fucking woman and I want you to treat me like one."
It sent him over the edge. He grabbed her by the waist and plopped her tight bottom down on top of the counter, her lips parted in surprise. He plunged his mouth down on the sweet taste of her neck and he gently raked his teeth over her skin.
"I tried…" he growled against her soft skin, "I fucking tried to be good this summer."
She wrapped her legs around his waist, feeling the bulge pressing against the fabric and denim between them. The feeling excited her and she combed one hand through the back of his dark scruffy hair, tugging him closer against him. This encouraged him further and he groaned, pulling back to look down at the sweltering beauty pressed against him. Her eyes were dark and needy with desire.
"Christ," he breathed, and she could feel the heat from their close proximity, it appeared he was barely able to fathom what was happening.
She saw him hesitate for a moment, not wanting to lose him to his senses, she pulled at the bottom of her shirt and lifted it over her head. She sat there in front of him in her green lacy bra. She heard him suck in a hard breath and he gazed down at her chest like she was his prey. She felt the heat rise to her cheeks. She'd never felt so exposed in front another person before, in front of a real man like this. His bare chest scorched against hers as he pressed against her, the coarse chest hair like a cherry on top of this man cake.
His mouth sunk down around her perky supple lips, her tongue meeting his and clashing against his mouth in pure lost. His one hand planted behind her neck and the other grabbed her bare side just under her bra, his thumb toying with the edge where the fabric and skin met. She lost herself in the waves of pleasure, giving in to the desire, a soft moan escaped her and slipped between their lips.
"God Dammit, woman," he breathed heavily.
It took every ounce of him to restrain from grabbing her and carrying her away to his bed.
Suddenly there was a loud knock coming from the front door on the other side of the room. Their heads shot up, instantly sedating them from their desire. Jean scrambled to grab her discarded tank beside her on the countertop, fumbling to find the hem so she could put it back on.
Logan's eyes darted around the room, "Fuck," he growled. "Go in the room." He demanded and quickly escorted her around the counter and into the doorway next to the kitchen, shutting the door behind him.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Jean's thoughts went a million miles per hours. She instantly felt insecure in the blatant openness of the room. Logan's room. What had she done? To think if they were caught. I'm such an idiot!
She could hear murmurs in the other room, two deep voices but she could hardly concentrate her heart was beating so loud in her ears. She pulled her tank top back over her head. Her green eyes darted around the room, searching for an escape. Shit, my shoes are at the door. She decided she would go without, it wasn't completely uncommon to be barefoot around camp at times. At night, all the way out here? Riiiight. Who was she trying to kid. But she was out of options and ready to get out of the room and as far from the evidence as possible.
She bit her lip anxiously as she slowly opened the window on the far side of the room. Once it was open just enough, she dipped through, dropping down to the ground below and managing to scrape her knee in the process. There appeared to be no one in sight and she took off running like a wild woman in the woods.
She ran for a couple minutes until her lungs felt like they were going to explode. She slowed down and stooped over, her arm propped against a tree trunk, holing up her torso as she caught her breath. Her head perked up as the rhythm in her ears calmed down and she could hear footsteps approaching.
She stiffened up and whirled around, "Sc-ott?" Apparently she hadn't quite replaced the oxygen in her lungs.
It was dark, but the almost full moon gave them plenty of light between the trees to recognize each other. He was wearing an old t-shirt and running shorts. He didn't have his usual baseball hat on and his hair looked disheveled. He was out of breath too.
"Hey," He gave a little wave accompanied by a smile. He must have noticed her wide eyes and wild expression, his voice softened, "Jean?"
She could hear and see him, but all the thoughts drowned out any rational response. Why did couldn't she enjoy one impulsive fucking moment? She was always the one who had a plan, she was coordinated, she took care of everyone else. She wanted to have Logan make love to her, she wanted to be a woman. She was sick of being just a girl to everyone around here, and her parents. She was a grown ass woman.
He wiped the sweat from his brow with his forearm, "Are you okay?"
The tears started rolling down her cheeks, "Yeah," her voice was an emotionless whisper.
"Jesus, what happened?" he came up close to her, apparently, she was a sweaty man magnet tonight.
"I'm fine," She felt the stinging of dirt in her fresh cut on her knee and decided it would be a good enough excuse, lousy and lazy but at least she has an alibi, "I hurt my knee."
Scott crouched down and squinted at her legs in the pale moonlight, "Looks like a decent scratch there, let's get you inside," his words were fragile, not sure if there was more to her story. "Can you walk?"
She nodded and wiped the tear away from her face, "Yeah, I said, I'm fine."
They walked in silence to the farmhouse. Ah, this feels uncomfortably familiar, she thought.
"I've noticed you are a little clumsy at night," he tried to make light of the situation as they approached the porch. She sat on the bench that he brought back to life, a little more well-lit from the light that bugs swarmed underneath in a frenzy.
"One sec," he quietly faded into the blackness of the kitchen door, trying not to wake any potential staffers sleeping inside. The lights were off, and she was appreciative of his discretion. He emerged a couple minutes later with a little tin box full of various first aid supplies.
"This might sting," he ripped open a little packet with his teeth and pulled out an alcohol wipe. He gently brushed it against her skinned knee, removing the dirt and little bits of earth. The smell reminded her of the whiskey still in her gut.
He applied a little bit of ointment on the freshly cleaned raw skin, she noticed how tender he was being with her. His hands were strong but soft as he finished his work with a band-aid.
"Well, Miss Grey, I've seen a lot of boo-boos in my time at this camp, and I am happy to report that I think you will be able to keep your leg," he grinned up at her, still crouching down after cleaning up the kit, "I expect you to have a full recovery."
Her eyes crinkled, and the corner of her lips gave into a smile. He looked proud that he was able to get a reaction out her finally. He got up and sat down on the bench next to her. Her nerves and mind had exhausted her enough for one night, she let her head fall onto his shoulder beside him and she gave out a big sigh.
They sat in the quiet looking out into the darkness for a few minutes. The silence with him was comfortable, not threatening or thick. It was a nice change. He didn't seem to mind and just let her be in her moment.
She finally spoke, "What were you doing out there?"
His chest shook softly, and a small chuckle escaped him, "I was out for a run."
"What's so funny?" she lifted her head and looked up at him.
"You."
"Me?"
"Yes, this is the second time I've found you stumbling through the woods at night and you always demand to know what I was doing," he seemed genuinely amused. Yeah, I guess that is a little absurd from his point, she admitted to herself.
"All those times, you've been out in the woods alone at night too, ya weirdo," she teased back.
"I guess we are just two weirdos in the dark."
Jean groaned opening her eyes and throwing the sheet off her. Images of last night penetrated all parts of her brain. Why had she so willingly thrown herself at Logan? Suddenly she felt foolish, reality sobering her idiotic plan. She wrestled with what she felt justified about and where her regret rested. Sense and sensibility. She was a woman and didn't want to be treated like a little girl anymore, but did she need to go to the lengths of last night? Was it too forced? What if they hadn't been interrupted? Was she technically not in the wrong? Did she really think that sex would make her more independent? More of a woman? C'mon, you know better than that.
She shuffled into the shower, taking a glance of her smeared mascara in the mirror before hopping in, Oh, that's real attractive. She knew she'd have to deal with Logan at some point but wasn't in a rush to jump on it first thing in the morning. She tried to let the water drown out all of feelings, hoping they would swirl down the train with the soap.
She turned off the water and grabbed a towel, careful to make sure her bandage applied by Scott was still intact. She could hear the creek of the door to the room outside of the bathroom. Someone was out there. The last thing she wanted to do was start lying about where she was or have someone throw any ridiculous questions at her. She wrapped the towel tighter around her and took a deep breath. She opened the door and walked out. The room was empty.
She noticed her shoes she ran out without last night were sitting on her bunk. Did Logan sneak in to return them? God bless him.
She threw the sneakers into the darkness underneath her bunk, unable to look at them. She pulled out a fresh set of clothes and quickly got dressed.
"Hey, Hey," Jubilee entered the room and casually plopped down on her bunk, "God, I am so stuffed from breakfast, did you have any yet?"
Jean was gazing out the window, apparently so lost in thought she barely recognized that anyone had entered the room.
"Yo, everything okay? You look like you just saw a ghost," The dark-haired woman waved her arms around exaggerated.
"Oh, no…" Jean trailed off. "Um, just waking up. That's all."
"You missed a super fun bonfire last night," The olive skinned girl sat on the edge of her bed, "Remy was doing these hilarious impressions for the campers, and Marie stumbled over a log while laughing so hard. The kids totally lost it!" She laughed along to the memory, "Speaking of, where were you by the way?"
Jean wasn't prepared to answer "Out." Fuck, what kind of answer is that? "Outside." She clarified. She was a terrible liar.
"Outside?" Jubilee's amused look told her she was expecting some elaboration on that answer.
"Outside with Scott," technically it wasn't a lie. Shit, what if he was at the bonfire?
"He was missing too, so it makes sense. What were you guys doing…outside?" She wasn't exactly sure how to ask the question it was so bizarre.
Jean breathed a sigh of relief that somehow her ass backwards lie was panning out.
"Last night we were outside…planning the end of summer party." She tried to believe her own fib, "We are just over the halfway mark, you know. Before you know it, the end of summer is here."
Jubilee's black brows raised, "Uh, okay," she laughed, "Is he some like awesome party planner or something?"
"Nah, I just feel as co-leaders it's something we should probably do together, ya know?"
Jubilee must have bought it because she started browsing through a magazine, apparently bored and checking out of the conversation.
The rest of the morning was uneventful, thank god. Jean had managed to have normal interactions with almost everyone around camp, so far. She hadn't run into Summers or Logan yet, and she couldn't tell if she was relieved or anxious about it. Scott seemed to mind his own business, so she wasn't that concerned with him. He probably already forgot about the whole thing.
It was the last day of the camp session and she wasn't on counseling duty this week. This was typically the week she spent making sure everything for the rest of the summer was lined up and ready to finish strong. She sat quietly in the camp store on the floor behind the counter, always a good hiding spot when there weren't any campers on the grounds. She tried to concentrate on the clipboard in her hands, full of activities for the next few weeks but her thoughts kept spinning and spinning, like a dog chasing its own tail.
The wooden door creaked open and she heard the unmistaken burly steps that followed. She sighed and peered out from behind the counter. Logan stood there as if he knew exactly where to find her.
"Jean," his voice filled the room even though he spoke softly, she stood up and felt uneasy. "Look," he tried to find the words. This was a rare sight, typically he was brash and spoke his mind freely.
She fidgeted with her hands, looking down.
"Look at me," his words more demanding. Her eyes floated up and flashes of the feeling of his mouth on hers invaded her. She stood silently, unsure of what to say.
"You shouldn't have come, we almost got caught. It was kind of dumb," He wasn't wrong, but the words pierced her.
"Logan, there wasn't anything wrong with what we did," she retaliated. Even though she believed there could have been a better time and place for what happened, ultimately there was nothing wrong with two adults sharing a moment, "I'm twenty-three years old."
"And I'm ten years older."
"So?" She began to fire up, her stubborn spirit taking control.
"You're still young," He took blame for why she showed up the night before. "You don't know what you want."
"Yes, I do!" she snapped at him. "I wanted to feel like a woman for the first-time last night! Is that so wrong?"
"For the first time?" He blinked astonished.
She closed her eyes, instantly regretting the words. This isn't the way things were supposed to happen.
"Christ, Jean, you're a fucking virgin?" He repeated.
"Yes, Logan! Yes, I'm a fucking virgin. Everyone says it like a disease. What does it matter?" She threw her arms up in the air.
"Look, kid," there was that word again, kid. "Now listen to me, it does matter, whether you think it does or not." Logan ran his hand threw his hair and he took a deep breath, regaining his wits.
"What I am getting at is, I am glad we didn't go through with last night, you deserve better, especially for your first time," he held up his hand, he could tell she was ready to protest. "Now get the idea out of your head that you want to be with a guy like me to be a woman. You already are a real woman."He made himself sound broken and tainted, not good enough for her. She wasn't sure how to feel and stood there quietly. He sensed her feelings, not the total insensitive jerk that everyone thought he was.
"It's because I care about you, I won't let that happen." He sighed, not sure if talking was making it better or worse. He could tell she wasn't accepting it, "You deserve some sweet Romeo asshole for your first time."
All she heard was more confusing words and she wished he would leave. "I get it," she finally spoke, her voice forced. Her swollen green orbs were glassy and full as she fought back large tears. He had just tried to convince her that he was too rough of a guy for her, like she couldn't handle it.
It was maddening.
He let go of her hands and headed for the door. She felt a shift in the world and she knew deep down their flirtatious tightrope had just snapped.