CHAPITRE 6 - Emotion is a wild thing, together we can tame it

"What were you expecting? It's not like you acted differently from him."

Anna was pacing, retracing the same pattern over and over. The carpet seemed to have seen others in her father's time, the weaving well worn and a little faded.

The first morning after discovering the truth, she had chosen to take refuge in here, the former king's study leaving that bitter feeling in her mouth. She was no longer comfortable there after all that, every memory tainted with things she could only imagine.

These last few days had been difficult. Her nights filled with nightmares and her days full of regrets. How could she have been so stupid ? There were just too many emotions for her to manage them decently. She was angry and ashamed because of what her grandfather had done. But she suffered too. He had been her rock. Without him, she would not have been the same. She couldn't regret everything, destroy all the good times spent with him, but she felt bad about Elsa. After all he had done to her, Anna felt horrible not being able to see only the monster in him.

She had made sure to keep away from others, refusing to make them pay for her moods. No appointment. Little contact with servants. But there were someone she could never refuse too see. Her orders had been clear. She would receive Elsa at all hours of the day and night. The message had been transmitted to her and she had waited. And waited. And waited. She had never been the most patient, a trait of character encouraged by the king who felt that a monarch shouldn't have to wait.

Well, thank you for that too.

Elsa didn't show up and her patience was getting thin. She wanted to give her time, to be attentive, but every night falling was like a missed opportunity. She was afraid the timing would never be right and she couldn't imagine losing her again when she was so close. Always behind that damn door but actually there at least.

"Why would she want to see me? Even if I had the best intentions in the world, I tore her from everything that was familiar to her. Maybe she liked to live in the east wing. It's not like I asked her about that. Or about the pretty dressses. Maybe she didn't like blue anymore. Gah, stop that, Anna."

Head buried in her hands, she uttered a long groan. She couldn't go on like this.

"It's been ten days. Maybe I could just say hello. Or knock. Yeah, a knock doesn't seem too intrusive. She won't even have to open the door. Let's be clear, she probably won't."

Fortunately, the hallways of the palace had never been very crowded. Only advantage of not having a court. That would change but the old ways were still in place for now. Today, there was no one to see the queen talking to herself.

The door to Elsa's room hadn't changed at all. It propelled her into the past and made her hand tremble when she touched the wood. Somehow the cool surface reassured her. The cold had always given her a sense of familiarity.

She held her breath.

Toc. Toc. Toc toc. Toc.

Too much, too loud. Anna winced, already taking a step back.

Something stirred in the room. Despite the mad rhythm that her blood was beating at her temples, she heard footsteps.

"Elsa ? It's me. Anna. Your sister."

No kidding ! Idiot, she knows who you are.

"I just wanted to greet you."

It's not enough. Now that she was here, Anna understood it. Some part of her didn't want to be satisfied with that. She wanted to see Elsa. Really look at her. She had only a vague memory of this child she had known. Even this girl she had seen in the kitchen was enveloped in some sort of fog.

"It's a lie."

The words had escaped and she didn't know what to say anymore.

The truth, maybe ? Our relationship needs it.

"I would like to be a better person. Someone who would understand you better. But I'm lost, Elsa. I know nothing will ever be the same. But I... I just... I just want to get to know you."

A sigh crept out her lips. The truth was hard to tell but she was relieved. It was one thing less in her overheated mind.

When the door half opened, she didn't notice it immediately.

Until she saw blue.

Boiled wool seemed soft on Elsa's figure, hugging her gently. She looked confortable, the fire at the back of the room bathing her in a gentle glow. Yet her eyes remained on the ground, pink dusting her pale cheeks.

No doubt she must have looked like an idiot but Anna couldn't help looking at her, oddly fascinated. Seeing her like that was different. They didn't face each other by chance but because they both chose it.

Elsa's lips moved without a sound, frustrating her if she interpreted correctly that cute little frown. Strangely, Anna didn't mind having to wait for that. Elsa was here. With her.

"Hi."

Just a whipser.

Laughter tried to cut through Anna's throat – so that was what was so difficult to get out – but it died just as fast. Elsa had briefly looked up, icy eyes catching her off guard. She says so much more this way.

In a heartbeat, the door closed and Elsa disappeared. Leaving Anna in the hallway, dazzed.

After thirteen years, she had finally met Elsa.