Hallo and welcome back!
I'm glad you made it and haven't abandoned this out of frustration!

Ghost, thanks for your review, I guess most want them happily ever after ^^'. Don't worry about the Law x Nami Thing... *Cough* if this continues... I'm not promising anything... But... I might have plans for him *cough*
As always a huge thank you to Rexica for beta reading this!

Last time Zoro and Robin had an appointment with Law and now we'll see how that went!

Law had been great. Professional, calm, and realistic. Hadn't tried to sweet talk the situation. He loved Chopper to death, but he couldn't have dealt with his go-to reactions that time. Although… He had known of the pregnancy before him, and he hadn't seen him panic once, only concerned glances their way, but nothing like the … ah fuck, Robin was right. He didn't give Chopper enough credit. The reindeer was just as professional as Law was. The only difference was their attitude towards life in general, and in this situation, he most certainly preferred Law. Also professional he might be, he couldn't possibly ask him to kill their kid. He never even killed his enemies, and the one time he had killed someone innocent… it still gave him night terrors. Fuck… what had that idiot Hiriluk been thinking? Eating something he had known to be poisonous, just to traumatize a little kid for life? What the fuck kind of lesson was that? Ah fuck, he was one to talk. He could only beg every possible deity to get Tashigi to take care of their kid because he was pretty fucking sure he'd be a shitty father.

Didn't matter that kids just seemed to flock around him for no gods-damned reason. He had no clue whatsoever how to interact with them, always just went with his gut, but that surely wouldn't be enough to actually raise a kid, right? What did one even do with an infant? You just carry them around? Did they even have any interests apart from shitting and screaming for food? Fuck. Robin was much better equipped to deal with that… she could just read to it, or mother it like she did Chopper from time to time. What could he do? Teach it how to fight? Yeah, and what was he supposed to do for the first year of its life? Was pretty sure that Nami would electrocute his ass if he got his swords even close - fuck, they'd have to childproof Sunny! She was a fucking security nightmare! Poisonous plants, explosives, lasers, and just way too many fucking stairs!

"Oi, shithead, what's up with you turning all white and terrified?"

He just gaped at the shitcook. What the fuck was he supposed to say to that? Law had told them to wait a little longer for Tashigi, since his powers allowed him to perform the procedure either way. Pregnancy was still a secret, well hidden under wide sweaters. He was just about to draw his swords to give the ero-cook a more physical answer when Robin's laugh chimed over the lawn deck.

"Fufufufufu, if that hectic eye movement all over the ship is an indication, I'd say he just noticed how much work it would be to childproof Sunny."

Oh well, that settled at least that question…

Dartbrow furrowed in confusion before his one visible eye widened, cigarette falling from his open mouth, to be thoroughly stomped before he swirled towards Robin's chair.

"My sweet Robin-chwaaaaan, can you ever forgive me for smoking in your radiant presence?"

"What?! Why would you childproof Sunny? I haven't broken anything recently," their captain whined and was promptly whacked over the head by Nami.

"You idiot, Robin is pregnant," she scolded before positively flying towards her friend, all sparkles and enthusiasm. "Next Island, we're going shopping; the cutest little dresses and only the best!"

"Fufufufu, we don't even know if it'll be a girl."

"I don't care, I'm buying dresses," she insisted before being pushed back by a craning rubber head snaking right in front of Robin's face.

"Does that mean you're making me a new Nakama?"

When Robin agreed, telling all of them that she was five months along already, his head snapped back to his body, eyebrows drawn into an angry scowl. Fuck.

"So you're saying there's been a new Nakama for five months, and you haven't told me?"

Fuck. He sighed standing up, Luffy's limited attention all focused on him. "Sorry captain, it's just… complicated. We're wanted, it's not like we can keep-"

"I don't care about any of this. Do you know how many welcome parties we could have had in five months? Like a ton! Sanji, party, now!"

He groaned. Fuck, of course that was the only thing his captain was worried about. Luffy's smile was larger than his face, not at all worried about his first mate's glare, and still there was that knowing twinkle in his eyes that told him the boy was not as oblivious and carefree as he looked. He chuckled, nodding to his captain in thanks which made the grin impossibly wider. Maybe a party really would do them some good.

It took them all of five minutes to get started. Fuck, by now, they might be just as ready to party at a moment's notice as they were ready to fight.

"So, have you guys thought of names yet?" Nami asked. "Or rather, have you decided whether the first name should be Kuina or Olivia? Don't know about Kuina, but if it's a boy, you could easily adapt to Oliver."

Why would- he chanced a glance at Robin, who had an equally confused look on her face.

"Why would we name our child like them?" he asked and immediately regretted it when the lump formed on his head. Should have let Robin ask, damn it.

"Why the fuck do you think? In memory? To honour them?" Nami barked, and even though he should have known better, he scoffed.

"What would they gain from that? We're carrying their dreams, aren't we? Completing their life's work. What importance is a name compared to that?" he asked, and gave Robin a grateful nod when she bloomed a hand to stop the fucking climatact.

"I'm afraid I'm with him on this, and if the name is an honour, I believe we should let Tashigi decide if she takes care of it."

"Tashi? What does Tashi have to do with it?" Luffy asked, as always oddly alert when it came to anything related to Smoker.

"It's why we met with her. We are wanted, our child will be wanted. We hope Tashigi can raise our child as her own. No one would ever have to know it's a descendant of criminals," Robin calmly explained.

Oh yes, that dampened the mood a bit, didn't it? They were furious, petulant. Insisted that they could definitely keep the kid safe, even if it meant backtracking their journey to the beginning of the grand line, which would be fun because they could explore different islands and visit old friends and fuck, it sounded really fucking good. Especially since the kid could sleep through any and all dangers safe and sound in Franky's transformer crib, that by the way, was already in testing, had been just a matter of time after all. He glanced at Robin, and her gaze said it all. The decision that they didn't need Law had been made with the mention of the pregnancy to the crew, but with this reaction… They wouldn't need Tashigi either. With their Nakama, there was absolutely nothing they couldn't do, and just how fucking hard could it be to raise a kid with 9 parents?

"So," Usopp started, and he could almost see the beer swimming in his eyes. Fuck, the guy was drunk… and plotting. He'd been kinda eyeing him all night, hadn't he? Fuck, for weeks. No, ever since Chopper had appeased his suspicions... Was he still hung up about that threesome? "Zoro, do you take steroids?" the liar asked, suppressing a giggle.

Eh? What the fuck? They fuckig saw him working for his muscles every fucking day! How the fuck could he hope to achieve his dream if his only strength came from some drug? "The fuck's that supposed to mean?" he spat back, smacking his sake bottle on the table, vaguely aware that he too might have gone a bit overboard with the drinking. The really weird thing though was that Usopp hadn't shrunk back at his growl. Just looked in the air with that mock innocence.

"Oh nothing, honest. Just heard they are really good for muscles but not too good for other things."

He was still trying to make sense of his words. There had to be more to them than the outright jab at his honour, right? Usopp knew as much as everyone else how important it was to him. His strength, and accomplishing it on his own. Especially with how weak he'd been after Thriller Bark.

But the sharpshooter sighed before he could reach any conclusion.

"Ah, poor Robin…."

He was just about to ask when the shitcook spat his expensive wine all the way across the table before doubling over in laughter. Just what the fuck?

"Bahaha, I fucking knew it! Three swords, that had to be compensation!"

Compensation? Compens- oh fuckig hells! "I'll fucking show you compensation you orally fixated dartboard," he seethed, drawing one sword to lunge at the fucking cook right before a chair clattered to the deck to his left, right. Wasn't about dartboard this time! Turned towards a pitifully stumbling sharpshooter trying to somehow hide behind Chopper in his Brain Point. Heard Robin laughing at his side. Oh she thought this was funny? Of fucking course she did! Not that she had ever complained… Just how freakishly huge did the fucking coward have to be to make fun of him? According to his cowering behind Chopper, his balls had to be raisins though.

He ignored the cook's taunts from the other side of the table as he circled the pair. Felt a bit bad for Chopper, who trembled almost as much as Usopp now that he'd sobered a bit. Stumbled excuses, hadn't meant it like that. Hadn't meant it his ass!

"I swear to god, if any of you whip your dicks out to compare, I'll use it as a fucking lightning rod," Nami roared in between, making Chopper jump in his already agitated state.

"No no noooo! Nobody is whipping anything without explicit consent," the boy cried out, and he really didn't want to dwell on where he'd picked that up. Damn woman and her fucking encycolpidia.

He lunged forward, ready to attack, only to stop it when the terrified little reindeer was shoved right in the path of the attack.

"How about you turn into Heavy Point and just leave the coward to fend for himself," he suggested after having to stop his next attack short as well.

Took him seven more swings until the sharpshooter's arms grew heavy from heaving the doctor around. Fucking nothing would keep the bastard safe now!

His blood ran cold mid attack when he heard his woman's laugh. It had that special quality to it that promised a slow and agonizing death.

"Don't you think it's ironic how you only came in Hiyori-chan's mouth because you explicitly didn't trust Wano birth-control? I wonder how to best tell the child that it was conceived during a threesome," she mused, and he immediately lost his footing in the wet grass of the deck to fall face first in the dirt, blade falling from his grasp. How the fuck did she think that would be of any fucking interest to the kid? Who would tell their child something like that?

Somewhere back at the table, a dull bang resounded, probably the shitcook fainting over sweet Hiyori-chan being defiled by the likes of him. If only he knew that she would have used him as a footrest for the rest of his days if he'd tried to approach her with that reasoning. Ha, she probably would have made him apologize to him! Brownish boots settled in front of his face, and his cocky grin turned into a frown. Fucking coward came for the killing blow, didn't he? Hands fisted in his hips, stance broad, he stood before him, grinning down at him when he rolled himself on his back, pretty much fucking done with this whole thing.

"You know, for Robin's sake, I really hope you can keep your other sword up longer than that."

Fucking knew it.

Now actually I had intended to let you wait another week for this chapter, but I didn't want to put you through too much emotional suffering, that'll come soon enough ;-p

Since nobody answered my question last time I'll ask again: Would you be interested in a one shot spin-off about Smoker and Tashigi and would anybody want to read a Zoro/Perona prequel that would probably turn out to be PWP with a sprinkle of humour?

I'll give you two weeks to decide, since Shôganai will be on break next week.

Also, in case you just can't survive another week without my amazing writing skills and in case you're into dragon ball, check out my Halloween one shot that will be published on friday!