After Martha gets settle she walks down stairs to see that I was cleaning my father's rifles. "AMELIA CARTHWRIGHT WHAT IN TARNATION ARE YOU DOING WITH THOSE RIFLES!" she bellowed.
I look up at her surprise. Normally my Pa would yell at me like that when I did something wrong or my brothers or even Hopsing would but being yelled at by someone else was very different for me.
"I asked you what you are doing with those rifles and I want an answer young lady" Aunt Martha demanded. "I'm cleaning them" I answered.
"Your father lets you clean rifles?" Aunt Martha asked clearly dismayed. Honestly, I don't see what the problem is it's not like they're loaded. I know that me being a girl I shouldn't even touch a rifle but, out here in the west girls sometimes have to do things like that.
"Aunt Martha it's no big deal I clean them all the time and they're not loaded" I explained but I should have realized that it would do me no good. I am starting to realize how stubborn my Aunt is I just hope I'm not as stubborn as she is.
"Still a girl should never hold a gun or cleaning one it is not very lady like" said Martha. "Besides it's such a lovely day I was wondering if you would like to go to the lake with me".
"Alright" I told her. I got up grab my shawl by the door and we walk out of the house.
The ride was pleasantly quiet which made me very please since I had nothing to say to start a conversation.
She made a few comments about how beautiful the scenery was and that it was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen though I'm sure she was just being polite.
I'm sure she had seen a lot of beautiful things in St. Louis. We rode up to the lake and walk over to the shore.
Martha turns to me and asks if I like living on the Ponderosa and I told her that I love it and I do. There was no place I would rather be though sometimes I think about traveling to different place like Boston or San Francisco.
"It must be hard living without a mother figure" Aunt Martha inquired. I don't know why but the way she said that made me very uncomfortable.
"It isn't easy and sometimes it's hard especially when it comes to courting boys" I told her. Although I am not exactly interested in boys yet but I know that when I am my brothers aren't gonna be easy on them or me.
"I understand. You trust your brothers and your father don't you?" she taunted. Why would she ask me something like that? I wondered. I told her that I did she looks at me in disbelief.
"That's a shame since they're keeping a secret from you" Aunt Martha said to me. I had no idea what she meant by that. There was no possible way that my Pa and the boys would keep a secret from me.
I ask her what she was talking about and she drops the biggest bombshell I have ever heard, "I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this dear but you aren't a Cartwright!"
I couldn't believe my ears everything in my heart was telling me that I heard her wrong but something in my head told me I didn't. I suddenly felt a dark blackness fill all around me.
Everything I knew before was an uncertain cloud filling me with confusing and self doubt. Could this be true?
I look up at her and I felt a pain of sadness in my heart. "That's not true you're lying" I told her without belief in my own words.
"Nonsense child I have proof" she declared very confidently almost too confidently.
"What kind of proof do you have?" I asked her. She smiles as she pulls out a letter from her pocket and hands it to me.
"It's from your mother" she said. Nervous I unfold the letter and read it.
My dearest daughter,
By the time you read this I have been long pass. I hope this letter reaches you in good health. I imagine that you are a young lady now or becoming one. I am deeply sorry that I am not there with you though I am sure your father and brothers are taking care of you well.
It's with a heavy heart that I must tell you some dreadful news. I am sorry that you never knew this but I thought it would be best if you knew when you were older and that someday you can understand and hopefully you can find it in your heart to forgive me.
A long time ago before I reconnected with your father I was married for a short time. I am sad to say that the marriage didn't work out. By the time of the divorce I had founded out that I was with child.
I was very frightened that if he knew about the baby then he won't divorce me. After the divorce I heard about Marie's death.
I'm not sure if you are aware of this but I was very good friends with Little Joe's mother Marie. Anyway I travel to the Ponderosa and tried my best to console Ben and the boys.
He and I fell in love shortly after that and we were married. Then you were born. I never told Ben that I was pregnant before we fell in love and when you were born I let him assume that you were his child.
I'm sorry that I miss led you darling but I was only thinking about your best interest and I knew Ben would provide and be a better father to you then your real father.
I guess there is no easy way of saying this but you are not a Cartwright in any way. I'm terribly sorry for letting you live an awful lie. I also want you to live with my sister your Aunt Martha when you become a young woman. She would be a wonderful influence on you and I'm sure you will be happy with her.
But never doubt that I love you because I do with all my heart and I hope you find it in yours to forgive me. Please let Ben know how awfully sorry I am and I hope he finds it in his heart to forgive me.
Love always,
Your loving mother,
Catherine
I was stunned after reading the letter. Every inch of my heart was breaking and my whole world was in a dark tunnel with no light coming from the other end.
I couldn't stop the tears from falling and I ran to the house to the sanctuary of my bedroom away from this living nightmare.
Martha smiles devilishly as she watching her distraught niece running away.
"This couldn't work better than I had plan all I do now is make sure Amelia never sees her family again" Martha said to herself as she climbs into the buggy and rides back to the house as though nothing had happen.