I rode out to my mother's grave and sat beside her. Whenever I am in trouble or need to talk to someone I find comfort talking to mama. There was so much I wanted to say to her especially about what had just happen but I became afraid that she would be disappointed in my too like Pa.
"Mamma I really screwed up and I don't know what to do. Aunt Martha gave me a letter that you wrote to me saying that I wasn't a Cartwright. I'm so sorry that I believe it Mamma and I'm sorry that I disappointed you" I said.
"Papa hates me he told me that he was ashamed of me and he probably wishes that I was never born. Why would Aunt Martha hurt me like this? Why would she want me to doubt Papa and the Cartwright name?" I said to her.
"I talk to Little Joe, Hoss and Adam about it and they help me see that it was a lie and that I am a Cartwright. Mamma I am so ashamed of myself for even considering it".
"What am I gonna do Mamma? I can't go home and face Papa knowing how much I hurt him. I love him so much Mamma and I can't believe I am about to say this but I'm afraid of him" I cried.
I know I have to go back but part of me was afraid but I know if I don't go back the Pa and the boys would worry and come looking for me. I can't give them anymore grief than they already have.
Please God don't let my father hate me and please let him forgive me for doubting him.
"I'm going back now Mamma I wish you were here with me but I'm a big girl now so I have to do this on my own. I love you Mamma" I said to her before walking away to Sapphire.
At the house it was past nine o'clock Ben and the boys were sitting in the living room anxiously waiting for her. Hoss look up from his checker game with Adam and notices how tense Ben was sitting on the settee with a worried look on his face.
"Don't worry Pa she'll be home soon. She probably went to talk to Catherine you know she always does when she's upset or has a problem. "I know Hoss I was just thinking about the things I said to her. I shouldn't have yelled at her like that" said Ben consume with guilt.
"Pa she knows that you didn't mean what you said and that you were just upset about the letter" assured Adam. "I can't take back those words I said to her Adam nor can I get the look on her face out of my head. My poor baby was so frighten and upset and I hurt her in the most horrible way" Ben said as tears rolled down his cheeks.
Then they heard a horse riding in the yard. The boys look at each other and got up and walk over to the stairs. "We'll let the two of you talk" said Adam as they walk up the stairs.
Moments after the boys had disappeared upstairs I walk in. "I'm sorry Pa for being out late I was talking to Mamma and lost track of time" I told him.
"It's alright sweetheart" he said to me. I started to walk over to the stairs just as he spoke. He asked me to wait and talk to him. I really didn't feel like it. I was feeling nervous being left alone with him and I was still feeling afraid thinking about the last time we talk.
Reluctantly I turn around and walk over to him and sat beside him on the sofa. I look over at my father and I was surprise to see that he had been crying.
"I'm so terribly sorry for yelling at you the way I did. I was way out of line and it was totally uncalled for. I hope you know that I wasn't angry with you I was angry about that dang letter and I took it out on you, which was very unfair of me" Pa said.
"It was fault Pa I should have never believe that stupid letter. I didn't want to Pa honest but I was so scared that it was true" I said to him. I felt my father taking my hand in his. I look up in his eyes and saw compassion and love.
"I know Joseph explained to me about how you felt about that letter. I'm just so sorry you were so hurt by it and I'm sorry for hurting you" he said. "I'm so proud of you no father could be more proud of his daughter than I am of you. You are my life and just to make it loud and clear you have not now or ever been a disappointment to me and your mother" said Pa.
"Why would Aunt Martha want me to have doubts?" I asked him. "I don't know sweetheart but I don't think we will have any more trouble about you having doubts" he said.
"I reckon not Papa" I said. "Don't worry about anything your Aunt Martha does sweetheart" assured Pa.
I looked up at my Pa and smiled at him. "I love you Pa" I told him. Pa gathers me in his arms and holds me. "I love you too my precious baby" he said.
For the first time that night I felt better and felt my father's love go into my heart that was once broken.
Unbeknownst to them Martha was watching them from the corning of the dining room and kitchen. She realizes that her plan had backfired and starts to think of a new plan to get Amelia away from the Cartwright's once and for all.