Robin almost dropped her decaffeinated coffee cup at the earsplitting, horrified scream that cut through the comfortable afternoon silence. She had just enough time to put it down before Zoro crashed through the library's window, slithering across the floor to be stopped by one of the giant bookshelves. She did not have the time to check on his well being before a furious cook, armed with two spoons jumped through the broken window, thoroughly ignoring their resident cyborg's protests.
Had she ever seen the chef this livid? He didn't even spare her a glance as he crossed the small distance to hoist a surprisingly docile swordsman up against the few books still in their place. He'd taken to rigorously punish any and all rash movement or loud sounds around her lest she go into premature labour and now he just went berserk himself?
"You better tell me that was a lie or I'll gouge out your other eye right fucking now, Roronoa," the blonde seethed.
"No, Sanji-kun, he needs his eye, take his feet according to the idiot himself he doesn't need them to fight," Nami groaned from the door with a newspaper under her arm, while Luffy whined behind her that it would take ages to go through the bone with just a spoon and that he couldn't possibly wait that long for dinner.
What on earth was going on here?
She rose an inquisitive eyebrow and Nami threw the newspaper her way, not daring to cross path with the two fearsome pirates that had taken to quarreling on the floor like little boys.
There right on the front-page a familiar, old face greeted her. Almost toothless and with even more wrinkles than when she had seen her in person stood the old shopkeep of that one island where everything had started, making a peacesign and wearing a too short shirt with a print of… oh boy.. of the kiss she had shared with Zoro on the day of his would-be execution.
Sex shop owner claims to be the matchmaker of the most fabulous pirate couple of the new age!
According to her, her 'love rope' tied the knot between the two kinksters.
Do not miss the grand reopening, once a day you can get a tour through the rooms where it all began. See where they held the negotiations, which apparently are a vital part of this type of kinky relationship, where he first tied her up and if you are especially daring: the room where all the original whips and knives are on display. Who would have guessed that a swordsman needed knives for so called bloodplay? Shopkeep Kawaza had not, but apparently the Strawhats' swordsman was so impressed by her selection that he had to try them!
If you are interested in getting to know your darker side, shopkeep Kawaza recommends her new 'pirate love' line of sextoys, because "it's really for everyone, beginner or old dogs, it doesn't matter, there are detailed instructions and an exact recount on how the two lovers utilised them, I can tell you, that delicious beefcake doesn't look the brightest but he sure is imaginative. I sure wouldn't mind having him tie me up!"
Now that did explain quite a bit, didn't it? She didn't have to read the continuance on page 4 where the newspaper promised saucy details about their stay in the shop, it was perfectly clear that it was indeed a lie. The old lady trying to gain revenue with a half-truth…
It explained why Zoro wasn't really fighting back, too. Even though they hadn't done any of the things on that island, there was a good chance that they had tried at least half of it by now. Her man was too honest for his own good.
"Sanji-kun," she called out and the squabble immediately stopped, leaving the two men in a ball of limbs, one spoon raised ready to attack.
"We were at her place, and she did give us a piece of rope, but none of the other things happened there," she clarified and immediately saw the chef's muscles relax. It didn't take him long to regain his usual doting persona, untangling himself from the swordsman underneath him and dancing her way.
"Of course none of those despicable things happened, my sweet Robin-chwan, not even the idiot brute could harm a lovely lady like you," he sang.
He didn't mean it like that, she knew. If she told him that this was what she wanted it would probably destroy his worldview, but he would accept her just like before. He would not think bad of her if he knew she had done whatever the woman had come up with. Still, it stung. Over the cook's shoulder she caught her swordsman's gaze, smiled at him, thankful for his silent support. Whatever she decided right now he would stand by it, he gave her the opportunity to fight for herself, but also let her know he was ready to distract his eternal rival should she decide she didn't want to have the conversation.
For the future it would probably be easier if she just disclosed the nature of their relationship.
She donned her sweetest smile possible while blooming precautionary hands behind the blond. Just in case.
"He can, Sanji-kun, and it's better that way because I enjoy it tremendously," she explained.
For a moment she wasn't sure if he had even heard, he just stood there frozen in place. Then his eyes rolled back and he fell backwards into her waiting arms. She had expected to restrain him from making good on his promise to skin Zoro with those spoons, but either way it was good that she had thought that far ahead.
"You know if you're really as sick of modeling for my dessous line as you say, I'm sure there is a successful businesswoman that would just love to publish your ideas for the bedroom. Or, since you guys seem fine with the exposure, how about a kinky calendar? Either way, I need that woman's full name and address, she owes us tons of beris," Nami suggested with a smirk, expression only brightening when the swordsman bristled at the comment.
"And just what the fuck, makes you think we'd be fine with that?"
"Oh I don't know, maybe the fact that you'd almost fucked Robin's clone on the execution platform? On live television? Same scene explains how I know that that calendar would sell like a million copies, by the way. I've read about the outcries at the screening sites when the marines finally put a stop to it."
With a hand on her bulging belly she laughed, she loved flustered Zoro. No matter how scary your daddy looks, he is adorable, so don't let that grumpy facade fool you, she told her baby while helping their captain fan the chef back to consciousness. Just as he started to groan Nami continued: "Oh and if that little bout of spontaneous exhibitionism wasn't enough, how about you having Robin tied up at dinner while fondling her bodyparts in your fucking robe?"
Oh boy, she had almost forgotten about that one, it was impressive that Nami knew about the bodyparts, but now that she thought of it, it definitely explained why their swordsman had taken to attend any meal topless. Fufufufu, and she had thought it had been an attempt to get under her skin. Was there such a thing as being sister-whipped?
With a loud thump Sanji's just raised head flopped back to the floor. Out like a light again.
"Aww, Nami, what did you say that for? Sanji was just coming to!" their captain whined.
Drop me a Comment to let me know what you thought of this. I mean, I know it's silly and self-indulgent but I think we all deserve a bit of light-heartedness after this rollercoaster of a fic.
See you next week for the actual, for real end of this fic and maybe if you're nice Rexica (she's kinda back, updated Disinhibition, too!) can find the time I'll get the first chapter of the sequel out, too!