Did he want revenge on God?
Sam couldn't get the idea, the words, out of his mind no matter how hard he tried. He couldn't recall how but he found himself back in his room, halfway into bed, Jack still asleep on the other side. The kid had barely moved in his sleep while Sam had been gone, too deep in his dreams to break out.
Breathing out slowly Sam didn't fight it anymore, sliding into his bed and under his blankets. He laid on his back, staring up at the ceiling, lost in thought.
Did he want revenge on God?
He knew that revenge was the Winchester way, a path taken regardless of any other choice. It had started with their dad and their mom's death. It had continued on when Dean had made a deal for him with his soul. It went onto being betrayed by people they had trusted. Secrets being kept. The world ending again and again and again…
Sam breathed out slowly, closing his eyes to try to ground himself into the bed, and just tried to think. Tried to think clearly.
Did he want revenge on God?
It wasn't possible, regardless of what Michael claimed. There was no getting revenge on God, they might as well just get revenge on the sky for all that they could do.
Michael had said that he would be holding half of the power necessary to kill God, and that Sam would have the other half. What power? What was possible on the level as God that would be able to kill him? The only other being that came in close was the Darkness and she wouldn't be helping them to kill Him if it meant that they'd kill Her too.
But even more to that, there was no power capable of doing such a thing and even if there was…
Did he want revenge on God?
What was to be gained from attempting to do something about it? Unless they killed the Darkness as well it would mean the end of the world, and that wasn't worth it. It wasn't worth getting his meaningless and pitiful revenge on God if it meant the rest of the world suffered for it.
But then it came back to killing the Darkness as well, because if the power used could kill Him, it could kill Her as well.
Bringing him back full circle to question number one.
Did he want revenge on God?
The very idea was idiocy, stupid in the worst possible way. There was no way to get revenge on such a being. The All-Powerful, the All-Seeing, the All…
Betrayer.
He banished the thought the moment it came into his head, he couldn't think like that, nothing would come of it.
He felt a small bit of fear trickle down his spine and despite the heat in the room, and the heat from sharing the bed with Jack, he couldn't help but shake slightly.
He knew that God wasn't listening, that had been established a long time ago. He had almost knew it as a child when he would pray that his dad and brother would come back to the motel safe and instead he would get them clawed up and bloodied.
He knew that when he had prayed that his brother or dad would call him at Stanford just to hear from them only to have no such call.
He knew that when he prayed for their father when he had been at the so called mercy of Azazel.
He knew that when Dean was going to hell for him.
He knew that when he started drinking demon blood.
He knew that when Lucifer had been freed.
He knew that when he realized that he was going to have to jump into the cage to save the world.
He knew that when he had been in the cage and praying, begging for help.
He knew it over and over and over again. Time after time after time.
He knew that God wasn't listening, and if he was listening, he just didn't care.
And that...that infuriated him. Some hidden, deep down part of him was angry, had held onto that anger throughout everything.
It was only fear and the fact that Lucifer had been centimeters away from them, that he hadn't said anything to Chuck when he had been living in the bunker with them during that time. He was terrified of the being, all powerful that he was.
All traitor that he was. Use them to fulfill his story or his needs and then disappear once again.
Sam breathed out slowly, swallowing hard as he turned onto his side, staring at Jacks face for a moment before he closed his eyes.
Did he want revenge on God?
...did he want revenge on God?
Did he, truly, honestly, simply, want revenge on god?
Yes.
He did.
I do not own Supernatural.
359/365
I do take requests so if you have requests you can send them to me.