Why is it so dark? This place without you

You call me at will in this black darkness

Because you shine like this

Give me your hand, save me

I need your love before I fall

"Save Me" by BTS

Chapter 7: You can't make it nothing

By bar, Gabe meant lounge and as soon as Peter walked through the door, he realized that he had been conned. This was definitely not a chill bar as advertised and they were definitely not going to have a laid-back night out. It had been a while since he had gone out and had a fun night out though. Since moving and getting his promotion, he had spent most of his weekends recovering on the couch, watching sports highlights on YouTube. So, this was probably the more normal and socially acceptable thing for a 26-year-old single male to do.

He pushed through the crowd and got two beers, leaving Gabe to himself for a few moments. When he turned around, only a few minutes later, he saw that Gabe had already found himself a group of very well-dressed ladies to talk to. Typical.

Peter joined the group, handing Gabe his beer. Gabe immediately switched places with him so Peter could get closer to a pretty brunette in a tight red dress and high heels. "Peter, there you are. Meet Isabella. Isabella, this is Peter Kavinsky. He's single." Gabe raised his eyebrow at Peter as he said this, as if asking him to challenge the statement.

Isabella smiled and tipped her drink towards his. "Hi Peter Kavinsky."

Peter shot a glare at Gabe quickly before recovering and saying his hellos. He kept a careful distance from Isabella throughout the conversation even though he could tell that she was very interested and likely ready to be romanced. It just didn't feel right to flirt with her. Not when he had…

His thoughts trailed off and he thought about texting Lara Jean, asking how the rest of her afternoon went. She was probably studying and baking, her hair piled on top of her head in a messy bun as she sat on the couch, dressed in her cat pajamas, books spread out all around her.

Gabe shoved him a bit, bringing Peter back to the present and his current situation. Right, he needed to play wingman. So, he turned on the charm and talked Gabe up to Natasha, who he had met a few minutes ago. The music suddenly got louder and Gabe nodded his head along to the beat, hand in hand with Natasha, following her to the dance floor.

Peter leaned back against the ledge of the bar, sipping his beer. Isabella cocked her head towards the dance floor and flashed him her best smile. "Want to dance, Peter Kavinsky?"

He hesitated but saw Gabe giving him a look and mouthing "Come on!" to him. Peter held out his hand and she immediately placed hers in his. He was careful to place a safe distance between them. He really didn't like leading women on. Isabella definitely knew how to dance but he found himself thinking about how good Lara Jean danced, even when she thought she was making a fool of herself and even when she was being silly. She always looked good whatever she was doing.

He shook his head. Why couldn't he stop thinking about her? Why did every thought lead back to her?

He thought about his options. He could either sulk about Lara Jean for the rest of the night or his brain could shut the fuck up and let him actually enjoy the night with the pretty brunette in front of him. He wrapped his arms around Isabella's waist, deciding on the latter.

"Axe throwing, really?" Lara Jean raised an eyebrow. "Did you forget that I nearly tripped on the stairs the first time that we met?"

"I remember that moment fondly, LJ. I think of it often."

She knew he was only teasing as he usually did but she couldn't help that her stomach still fluttered with his comment. "Okay, I'm just telling that you knew what you signed up for when you brought me here. I accept no responsibility if I accidentally injure you."

"Just throw it in that direction." John pointed towards the target. "And not at this." He waved towards his face.

The first throw was clumsy and she barely threw it six feet. The second throw was much better. It was all in the wrist action and she just needed to flick it right. She hit the outer rim of the target on her fifth try and she and John both cheered, giving each other high fives.

"You better keep up, McClaren." She held a finger to lip. "What do they call this? I believe it's called kicking your butt."

He scoffed dramatically. "How dare you. Are those fighting words, ma'am?"

"You're on. First one to hit the center target has to bring each other coffee and pastries to our next study session."

"Oh, you're on."

They started whipping their axes frantically. Lara Jean realized she was probably being a little too aggressive with her throwing but she couldn't stop herself. She was having so much fun. Her 10th axe hit the center, right on and she jumped up yelling.

"I did it. All hail me!"

John laughed at her, throwing his head back as he whooped. "Ahh, you are a true master. I will never compare."

"I'm glad you've finally realized this." Lara Jean laughed, her cheeks almost hurting from how much she was smiling. And for the first time that whole night, she didn't think about Peter Kavinsky at all.

Peter and Gabe were laughing when they finally exited the bar, hours later. Gabe clapped his hands together. "That was a successful night."

"Natasha seems awesome. I'm glad you met her tonight."

"And what about Isabella? Don't think I didn't see you guys dancing together all night, PK."

Peter shrugged. It wasn't a big deal.

Gabe looked at him, his expression exasperated. "She gave you her number, right? Are you going to call her?"

"No," Peter said immediately.

"Why the hell not?"

Peter could hear the genuine frustration in Gabe's voice.

"You know why the hell not."

Gabe shook his head. "Peter, I'm saying this as your best friend. You cannot let another fake relationship with Largie fuck with your head. If you guys really are just friends then act like it. You should call Isabella."

He knew Gabe was right but he couldn't help the guilt. Isabella was not the one that he wanted to kiss. She wasn't the one that he wanted to hold, caress, and spend the evening watching movies with. It just didn't feel right.

Gabe sighed when Peter remained silent. "I just want what's best for you, man. I hate seeing you hung up like this."

"Yeah, I know."

The logical part of his brain wanted to agree with Gabe but the rest of him, his heart and his body just screamed no.

Gabe gave Peter a big pat on the back. "You know you're my boy, right? Just looking out for you."

"Thanks man."

"Dude, if y'all are going to keep doing this can you at least bring me some of Largie's cookies next time?"

Peter laughed before getting in an Uber, heading back home. He whipped out his phone. It was late but she might still be up.

Peter: "I hope you had a good night."

He was surprised when she responded, thanking his good luck that she was still awake.

Lara Jean: "Oh, it was great. I threw some axes and got out all that pent up annoyance I was feeling towards classes."

Peter: "You threw axes, Covey? Did everybody around you end up in the hospital?"

She sent him an emoji with its tongue sticking out and he smiled.

Peter: "You wanna come over tomorrow? Or I guess today?"

Lara Jean: "Sure. But, I'm warning you that I'm bringing my books."

Peter: "Really?"

Lara Jean: "You know Sunday is my study day!"

He hesitated for a moment before typing out the next text.

Peter: "You know all the activities I imagined us doing have nothing to do with reading, right?"

Lara Jean: "I know what you imagined, Peter Kavinsky, but you're going to have to keep it in your pants until I finish reading."

He liked this version of her. She was so sassy.

Peter: "Alright, fine. Reading and then sex."

Lara Jean: "I'm not responding to you anymore. Good night, Peter. Text me your address."

Peter: "You just can't resist my charm, Lara Jean. Don't deny it."

Lara Jean: "This is me not responding. GOOD NIGHT."

By the time he got home, he was absolutely exhausted. He stripped quickly and mindlessly, throwing his shirt and pants into the hamper, not noticing the slip of paper fall out onto the floor, right next to the nightstand.

Lara Jean showed up at his door a little before noon with snickerdoodle cookies and homemade sandwiches. He made a mental note to save some cookies for Gabe. She walked into the apartment, following his lead and marveled at how big it was. His living room had floor to ceiling windows. She peered down at the panoramic view that he had of downtown.

"Wow," she said sheepishly. "Your place is so nice." It looked like one of those apartments that she had seen in Trina's home and design magazines.

"Thanks. The place came furnished so that made my life easier when I moved up here. I'm not great with picking out furniture and having stuff match."

She walked over to his kitchen and spread herself over the marble countertop island, hugging it. "Oh my god, your kitchen is gigantic. I am so jealous. If I had a kitchen like this, I would never eat out." She moved to his fridge and opened it. "Except why is this completely empty except for some ketchup and beer?"

"Bachelor lifestyle, Covey," he teased, pulling her towards him. He encircled his arms around her waist, holding her tight against him. She could hear his heartbeat as she leaned up to kiss him. He pressed his lips against hers insistently, drinking her in. She tasted like cinnamon sugar.

Peter led her towards the bedroom, swiftly and adeptly moving them around the furniture, still kissing. They collapsed onto the bed, her on top of him. She straddled his lap as he unbuttoned her shirt, slipping it off her shoulders. And then his lips were on her neck and she couldn't stop the moan that escaped. He sucked hard, nipping at the skin, wanting to leave a mark. Wanting something of permanence to show that this happened, that this wasn't a figment of his imagination, that what they were doing was real.

He stood up, undressing slowly, his eyes holding hers steadily. When he was done, he grabbed onto her hips and slid the jeans she was wearing down her legs, torturously slow, kissing the exposed skin along the way. She pulled off her panties and in the next moment, he was massaging her clit, inserting a finger into her slowly and gently.

She grinded against his hand, moaning in pleasure. He moved faster and she bit her lip, the sensations overtaking her. He could still read her body so well as if he had it memorized. When he could tell that she was close, he stopped, reaching up and kissing her on the nose softly. He reached towards the drawer in his nightstand and pulled out a condom, ripping it open with his teeth.

She felt him push into her and she bit his shoulder as he thrusted slowly, as if he wanted to savor every moment. They fell into a familiar pace and he moved above her. He looked into her eyes, his expression intense, and she could feel the electricity in the air. He leaned down and kissed her hard, insistent against her lips. She gave into him, her breathing heavy as she moaned in pleasure.

"Peter, I'm almost-" and then she felt the sensations explode within her body as she shuddered around him. He came soon after, burying his face into her hair.

They laid next each other in silence for a few moments, both breathing heavily. She slapped him on the chest half-heartedly. "I was supposed to study first!"

"What can I say? You just can't resist me."

She rolled her eyes, pulling the sheet up around her chest. She leaned over and kissed him softly. "I'm glad you came back into my life, Peter."

And for a moment, it takes everything within him not to just tell her the truth about all he was feeling. But, she escaped from his grasps, slipping on his shirt and her panties as she headed for the bathroom. Peter leaned back against the headboard, closing his eyes momentarily, trying his best to gather up his nerve. He'll tell her when she gets back.

She skipped back to the bed, stepping on something. She bounced onto the bed and examined her foot. It was a piece of paper.

"What's this?"

Peter opened his eyes before widening them in horror, trying his best to grab it from her before she could read it. "Nothing."

"Isabella, call me. 617-247-9846?" She read out loud. "Peter, what is this?"

He knew he had nothing to feel guilty about because they had made no promises to each other. But, the way that she was looking at him now, her eyes wide with hurt and concern, so beautiful and fragile, he hated himself for making her feel this way.

"It's nothing."

"It has a lipstick heart on it. It doesn't look like nothing." She hated how jealous she sounded like this was junior year all over again and they were fighting over his relationship with Gen.

He knew he shouldn't get defensive but his old habits were hard to suppress. "Why do you care? We're just friends, right?"

This was the worst thing that he could've said as she stared at him, in shock. She knew that he had a point but she couldn't control the jealousy and hurt that bubbled within. She opened her mouth to say something before closing it, getting off the bed to gather her clothes.

"Lara Jean, don't-"

"Peter, I'm fine. You're right, I don't care. We're just friends and this is totally fine." She said in a rush, slipping her jeans back on. "I need to go home and study."

"Lara Jean, stop." He got off the bed and held onto her shoulders firmly, forcing her to stop her movement and listen to his explanation. "It really meant nothing." He said seriously. "Gabe and I went to a bar last night and this girl slipped me her number. I completely forgot it was even in my clothes when I got home."

She wouldn't look at him, staring a hole into the floor.

"I promise you, Covey, she's got nothing on you." He lifted her chin and places the softest kiss against her lips. He breathes a sigh of relief when she kisses him back.

"I don't want to stop doing this," she whispered against his chest as he held her.

"Neither do I."