Chapter 8

Sara pulled firmly back on the reins, bring the yearling back under her control and lining him up for the next jump. They were only foot high trainer jumps, but when he was within range, he dodged to the left to avoid the jump. She quickly found her balance, pulled him around in a circle, and lined up for the jump again. It took three more tries before he gave up the fight and clumsily leapt over the jump, plunking down hard on all four feet on the opposite side. The landing jarred her ribs and she grimaced. She guided him toward the next jump. He didn't refuse this one and cleared it with a touch more grace.

She guided him through the next four jumps, catching sight of two people standing at the gate out of the corner of her eye. She didn't allow her attention to stray as she guided the horse to the end of the course. At the end, she brought him into a trot and began to circle the arena. She glanced at the two men standing at the gate as she passed. One was owner, Ben Jackson, a tall bald African American, and the other was…

She snapped her head around to look back, surprised by who it was.

The Doctor?

He was wearing his sunglasses, despite how dark the day was. She didn't stop until she'd made three circles and reined the yearling to a stop at the gate.

"He's finally starting to look good, Sara," the owner told her with a smile.

Ben opened the gate for her, but she held the yearling back. Unhappy with not being allowed to do what he wanted – exit the arena at a bolt – he pranced in place and gnawed angrily on the bit in his mouth.

"Aye, Mr. Jackson," she answered, returning the smile. "But he still has it in his head that jumping isn't his thing. You may have to consider he isn't going to make a jumper, sir. His heart is really in herding."

"That's not the kind of horses we raise. Stop pushing it."

She shrugged a shoulder. "Aye, sir."

"Doctor…" the man paused, glancing at The Doctor. "I didn't catch your name."

"I didn't give it. Call me Doctor Who."

"Right." Ben hesitated. "He said he's a friend of yours?" He looked up at Sara.

"He's an acquaintance. It's good to see you, Doctor."

He only smiled. That was not his usual smug or ornery smile. Something was wrong.

"Well, keep at it, Sara. If anyone can bring this one around, it's you." The owner patted the yearlings neck, startling the horse. It tried to bolt but Sara gently guided it back to prancing in place. She reached out and petted the horse's neck, talking softly to him.

Ben walked toward the main house.

The Doctor turned his head some, as if he were listening to some far-off sound. "The owner is a nice man. Do you go into his house?"

"What?"

"Do you go into Ben Jackson's house?"

"No. I've never been in their house, just the garage. Why do you ask?"

"It's probably best if you never do. Remember that, will you, Sara? Remember The to stay out of Ben Jackson's house."

"Let me guess. There is an infestation of swinger aliens and you believe my employer and his family are among them. Despite them being devote Catholics, Republicans, and working with equal rights groups."

"You'd be surprised how many malevolent aliens hide behind façades like that. But no, that is not why I'm here."

"If you're here, something is happening. The Doctor doesn't pay a visit to Earth for the scenery." Sara sat up, gathering her reins.

"I am today."

"That sounds rightfully boring – for you."

He smiled. There it was again. A smile that didn't look right on his face. Sara suddenly realized he was sad. Very, very sad.

She dismounted and pulled the reins over the gelding's head before leading him out of the arena. The wind kicked up and the dark sky began spitting snowflakes. She started walking toward the barn, not hiding her suspicion as she watched The Doctor walk beside her. But he didn't seem to notice her suspicion.

"You don't approve of Ben's decision about this horse," The Doctor said. He followed beside her.

She shook her head. "Aye. This young man's heart isn't in jumping. He wants to chase things." She petted the horse's damp neck and received a nuzzle in return. She smiled at him.

"What's its name?"

"What I call him or what the stupid name on his papers is?"

"What do you call him?"

"JJ."

"You call a horse JJ?"

"Yes. His registered name is James' Jewels. I think that's even more stupid than JJ."

"I would agree."

The Doctor tripped on a rock and she grabbed his arm to keep him from falling. He quickly pulled away.

"Why are ya here?" she asked.

"I'm on an outing."

She laughed. "Now tell me the truth."

He nodded. Quietly he told her, "You can read me well. You should be my companion, Sara."

She wondered why it sounded like he felt longing when he said that, but decided to not ask.

"We have had this conversation more times than I can count, Doctor. Why haven't you found you a companion yet? What's taking so long this time?"

"I found one."

"Oh?" Sara hesitated. "I assume it's a woman. Is she here today?"

"She is a young lady, yes, and no, she did not accompany me today."

"What's her name?"

"Yes. Bill."

"Her name is Bill?" Sara smiled, thinking the name was a joke.

"You have a horse named JJ. Originality comes in many forms."

"I guess so. Very much, in fact. If she's not here, does that mean you don't enjoy her companionship?"

"I do enjoy it. She's hungry for knowledge and loves the adventure. It's the most fun I've had in a while." He paused before quietly adding. "It was."

Sara stopped. When he kept walking she didn't say anything. The Doctor stopped suddenly and turned a little, but turned his head more, as if he were listening for her.

"Is something wrong?" he asked.

Sara walked up to him and slid her arm around his. She walked arm-in arm with him, holding tight when he tried to pull away.

"There's a mare here called Dempsey Rose – Rose for short. She is the most ornery mare I've ever met but I love her anyway. And she throws good foals. Sound and strong ones. I've arranged to buy her for pennies when she's too old to breed because the old girl is blind. Can't see a thing. And she doesn't let just anyone near her, or on her, because, well, when you're blind, you need trust. You need people who won't let you run into a closed door or stumble over a rock. Which you're about to do right now, Doctor, if you don't trust me to lead ya."

He moved toward her, avoiding the rock he had been headed for.

The two walked in silence. Inside the barn, she walked him to a chair near to a set of cross ties.

"You can sit here while I unsaddle and brush JJ," she told him. "It's on your right."

He put his hand out and found the chair, then lowered himself in. She snapped the cross tie onto the gelding's bridle and grabbed his halter. She pulled the bridle off and pulled on the halter, then scratched his face where the bridle had sat on his head. JJ leaned into the scratching, nudging her each time she tried to stop. She smiled at his attempts to keep the scratching going. She laid her hands on his cheeks and kissed his forehead. He pressed his head against her shoulder, soaking up the affection.

"I can't see much with my glasses, just outlines, but I can see he cares for you. And you care for him."

"I do. He's been a handful since he was born. Tried to die twice, but I wouldn't let him give up like that. Does Tara know you're blind?"

"No." He shook his head. "I haven't told anyone. Not Bill or Nardole or… Anyone."

"Who's Nardole?"

"Ah. That's right. I haven't introduced you two yet. He's… well… Maybe introducing you might not be such a good thing. He's as stubborn as you and doesn't always rub people, or anyone else, the right way."

"Ah. You like the bloke."

"I wouldn't say like, but I do appreciate his point of view. He keeps me in line."

"Keeps ya in line?" She laughed. "If I'd known that were a job opening, I would have applied for it!"

He smiled again but there was still no joy in it. Sara finished unsaddling JJ and brushing him out. She led him into his stall and filled his water bucket. JJ stopped her from leaving by playfully nipping at her shirt. She gave him a playful pinch on the nose and he nibbled at her fingers. She laughed, playfully pinching his lips each time he caught her fingers. She suddenly threw her arms around his neck and he pulled his head down against her back in a 'horse hug.' Sara stepped back and patted his neck and giving his cheek a kiss.

She turned, finding The Doctor standing at the open stall door. She stepped out and closed the bottom door. JJ dropped his head over the door and sniffed The Doctor's shoulder, then nibbled at his coat.

He smiled, holding out a hand. JJ nibbled at his fingers.

"Very gently pinch his lips. It's his game," Sara told him.

The Doctor did and JJ played with him for several minutes before turning and trotting around his stall a couple times. She slid her arm into The Doctor's and guided him away.

"That's it. He's done."

"I see why you like JJ. He has a personality. I haven't met many horses with a personality."

"Then you haven't met many horses."

"I've met thousands in my thousands of years alive and—"

"You haven't really met them if you haven't met many with a personality. They all have personalities, but most people, and apparently, Time Lords, don't see it because they don't take the time to listen."

They left the barn and walked to the steps that led to her apartment over the barn.

"We're going up stairs. There's a dozen of them."

"Where are you leading me?" he asked.

"My apartment for some tea and biscuits."

"I didn't plan on staying long."

"Oh. How long did you plan on staying, then?"

He didn't answer.

"I get this feeling, Doctor, that you are here for a reason, and you aren't leaving until you've dealt with that. You say it's not because you're here to save humanity or Earth, so… What is it, then?" She opened the door, leading him to a chair next to a Formica-top table. "Why did you come here? What do you want?"

He didn't answer. She sighed softly and gave his shoulder a pat.

"Alright. Have your silence, Doctor."

Sara moved around the kitchen, setting the kettle on the stove and taking out plates, biscuits, and a jar of homemade marmalade. She sat everything on the table.

"Butter?"

"No. I'm fine. Really."

"You'd pass up tea?"

He smiled. Finally, there was some joy there. "I never pass up a good cup of tea. Do you make a good cup of afternoon tea, Sara, tall and so very plain?"

She laughed at his old joke. "You haven't called me that in a while, and I'll let you be the judge if I make a good afternoon tea."

They fell silent while she prepared cups of afternoon tea. She placed his next to his plate with a biscuit, and sat down with her own across from him. Sara hungrily devoured two before settling back in her chair with a content sigh.

"Haven't eaten since dawn. I was starving."

He reached out and touched the biscuit, then put his hand to the side of the plate.

"If you wish, I can fix it for you."

He shook his head and picked up the cup instead, sipping it. He smiled.

"You do make a good cup of afternoon tea," he told her.

"My mum would roll in her grave if I didn't."

He smiled, but with the sadness had returned. She reached out and laid her hand on his.

"Talk to me. Why are ya here? What do ya need? I get the sense you want my help but I don't know what for."

"I don't need anything. I just came because…" He sat his cup down and pulled his hand away from her.

"Talk to me," Sara pressed. "I can't help if you won't tell me what is wrong."

He gave a slight head shake. "Too much has happened and been lost. I feel there are even things I don't know I've lost, but I can feel they've been lost. I watched my wife die and I miss her."

"You were married?"

"Yes. Then there's Missy. Do you remember Missy?"

"How could I forget," Sara said with a roll of her eyes. "She was an unpleasant breath of air."

"I was sent to execute her for all the things she'd done."

"Oh." Sara sat back in her chair. "I'm sorry to hear—"

"I didn't. I couldn't. I put her to sleep and locked her in a vault. I have to watch it for a thousand years."

"Oh… That's a long time to watch a prisoner in a vault, indeed."

He nodded. "I want to believe she can change."

Sara didn't comment.

"Couldn't she change?" he asked.

Sara shrugged, and then remembered he couldn't see her. She cupped her hands around her tea cup. "If you were asking me that question of a human I'd say it depends. Some people were born evil or have let their soul become evil, and nothing will ever change them. They will die that way. Some people were born good, or still have good in their soul, and they can change. But she's a Time Lord and I can only guess from what I know of you, and her. So far, Time Lords seem rather… Flitty, at best. Had I first met this version of who you are now, I would have said you were evil, without a lick of good in ya. But I've since come to understand that living thousands of years you've seen tragedy I doubt I could ever understand, and you've seen it repeatedly. You've done things you didn't want to do and been forced to lose who you are to make sacrifices you didn't want to make. All that's made you jaded, not evil, and it's torn at your mind. So maybe, that's what's wrong with Missy. You seemed surprised when I said she was a very angry woman, but that's what I saw. A dangerous woman so angry because her mind doesn't know any other way to process what she sees or feels."

"So, you think it's all in a Time Lord's mind to be evil?"

"I don't know."

"No. We aren't human. We are physically different than you. We can handle it. I just don't know if there's any good left in her."

"Doctor, you aren't a physician, nor are ya a Time Lord psychiatrist. I'm not really sure what sort of a doctor you even are, but I know it's neither of those. So how can you be so sure that your mind does not have a limit just like any other creature?"

He sipped his tea. "This is really good afternoon tea."

She smiled. "Thank ye. I guess that means we're changing the subject?"

"This is why I came here."

"For the tea?"

"Maybe. But more for this conversation. I needed this… I needed to find a pivot point."

"Pivot point? I thought it was a ground point that worked best."

"Not for a Time Lord."

She laughed. "Of course not. How foolish of me."

He slid the plate with the biscuit toward her. "I'd like that biscuit now, if you wouldn't mind."

She prepared it for him and sat it back in front of him. The two ate their biscuits and drank their tea in silence.

"I need to go back now," he said, standing after the last bit of tea had been drunk. "I left while everyone was sleeping and I'm not supposed to leave the vault unattended."

"I'll walk you back to Tara."

"Promise not to tell her about…" He pointed at his eyes. "I'll tell her on the way back."

"Okay." Sara put her coat back on and slid her arm around his. Sara talked about the past and The Doctor talked about the future as they strolled leisurely back to the TARDIS.