When Dan and Louise were married by a justice of the peace in the backyard, his family acted as witnesses and cheered the newlyweds on. "Took you long enough," Louise teased after they kissed as husband and wife for the first time.
"Yeah yeah," he joked back, beaming at her.
"Gross," Darlene muttered with a smile on her face as she headed into the kitchen to grab something to eat.
"I can't believe you only got married with us kids and your grandchildren in attendance. And Aunt Jackie," Becky commented. She swiped a chip from her sister and backed away pretty quickly when Darlene went to punch her shoulder.
"This is so romantic," Jackie wept, wiping the tears off her face. It was a little weird that Dan was now married to someone not her sister but she wanted her brother-in-law to be happy. Louise fit right into their family.
"How long are you going to cry?" asked an unimpressed Darlene.
"Shut up, Darlene."
"Are you honestly okay with this?" Dan asked Jackie yet again.
She glared at him. "Little too late to ask me that now but yes, I'm fine. Louise makes you happy. Welcome to the family!" She threw some confetti and then also proceeded to steal a chip from an irritated Darlene.
"If none of you fucking stop, I will eat everything in this bag," she threatened.
Becky snorted. "Good luck with that."
"Can I please have a chip?" DJ flashed a smile at his older sister.
"Since you asked so nicely, no. Fuck off." Darlene walked away cackling.
"This is why I never come around." Jerry could only sigh as he sat down in a lawn chair. He didn't know his new stepmother like everyone else did but he liked Louise.
"I don't blame you." Louise chuckled, kissed Dan, and then hurried inside to also grab something to eat.
The justice of the peace stayed for about ten more minutes before leaving, the odd behavior of the Conners finally getting to him.
"Nice job scaring off the man who married Dad and his new wife." Jerry couldn't wait to leave again, as much as he adored his weird ass family.
"She has a name," Becky reminded her youngest brother.
That's when something occurred to Darlene. She looked up at Louise. "Are you changing your last name?"
Louise froze for a second before shrugging. "I'm kinda attached to my name - I've been a Goldufski all my life."
"And now you're a Conner. Welcome to our fucked up family." DJ hopped out of the chair and went to grab a beer. He returned to his seat minutes later.
"What he said." Darlene snorted at the look on her father's face.
"Be nice or she's going to file for divorce the next chance she gets," Dan chided.
"Nah, you're stuck with me now." Louise leaned her head on his shoulder, letting this family's love fill her up. She didn't want to step on anyone's toes or replace Roseanne, thus why she hesitated to take Dan's last name.
"Good luck. The only escape is death." Becky missed Mark (and her mother) but she was glad she could at least joke about the man she still mourned every day.
"Great, something to look forward to," Louise deadpanned.
"Yeah, you're a Conner. Welcome to hell!" Darlene lifted up her beer bottle and clinked it with Louise's.
DJ looked around in confusion for a few seconds. "Where did the kids disappear to?"
"I think they're in there watching TV," Jerry responded.
"Yeah well, it's summertime. Get out here!" Dan bellowed. He chuckled when his grandchildren flew outside just a minute or two later.
They all hung out together outside for a few more hours until the sky started to darken. They grabbed everything and rushed back inside just as it started pouring. "I'm glad I live here now and not my shitty apartment," Louise murmured as Dan grabbed her around the waist. She laughed when he kissed her.
"I'm glad you're here now too. And you don't have to take my last name if you don't want to," he assured her.
"Yeah, I know." She hesitated for a second. "I just don't want anyone to feel like I'm taking Roseanne's place."
"You're not taking Roseanne's place and everyone knows that. Plus, you're my wife now, Louise. Holy shit."
"Finally hitting you?" Louise asked knowingly.
"Just hadn't thought of it that way before. I was with and married to the same woman for over forty years so it's going to take a while for all of us to adjust. But you don't have to walk around on eggshells over Roseanne - not even with Jackie."
"She's never going to leave, huh?"
"Doubt it," he responded, chuckling.
"Kiss her already!" Becky called from the couch.
"Please don't!" Jerry called back.
"Do whatever you want as long as we can't see it!" That one came from Darlene.
"Why are we like this?" DJ wondered, shaking his head in amusement. They had only gotten worse over the years and weren't about to change any time soon.
"Surprised Jackie didn't chime in," Dan said just as his sister-in-law walked on. He groaned. "Right on time."
She laughed. "Nice timing, Jackie."
Jackie grinned. "Dan, can you leave us alone for a minute?"
He narrowed his eyes at her. "You're not going to try anything while I'm out of the room, are you?"
She rolled her eyes. "Get out!"
"I'm going!" Dan joined the rest of their family in the living room and took the remote from a complaining Mark.
"What's up?" Louise asked her, wondering if Jackie was also her sorta sister-in-law now too. How did that work?
"I want to talk to you about something important. I know I was wary of your relationship with Dan at first but we're way past that. I'm so happy for you both and thrilled Dan got his head out of his ass." Both Jackie and Louise laughed. "I know you're hesitating to officially become a Conner because of Roseanne but you don't have to. Roseanne will always be a Conner - and so am I."
"An honorary Conner," Louise reminded her.
"Shut up," she shot back. "Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that you are a Conner now and there's no backing out. You're one of us now, Louise Conner. Welcome to the family." Jackie sniffled.
Touched, Louise also sniffled and hugged her. "Thank you."
"Thank you." Jackie patted her shoulder and the two women returned to the living room.
Louise sat down next to Dan, displacing Mark, who glared at them both before reluctantly sitting down on the chair. "I'm convinced now - meet Mrs. Louise Conner."
Dan beamed at her. "You serious?"
She nodded. "I am," she confirmed.
Dan looked up at Jackie. "Thank you," he mouthed. He didn't know what had gone down between Jackie and Louise but he was thankful his sister-in-law had seemingly gotten through to his wife about her hesitation.
"You're welcome," Jackie mouthed back.
Today was the start of a new era for the Conners, and although none of them expected good things going forward - life never worked out for them - they were grateful for one exciting, happy day.