Saoirse (*1):
The Drive Within
Prologue:
Leannán
(LAN-awn): Lover
May you never forget
what is worth remembering
and never remember
what is best forgotten-
Irish Blessing
July 4th 2009-
Oh and it's a happy independence day to ye!
Hail and well met Ms. Redfield!
We're writing to inform you of the good fortune that has befallen you. You appear to be the sole inheritance of the very dead Ennis McDougal (we regret his passing as much as we can, you see, but he was a bit of a stook after all). He went to the lord in heaven most recently and left you all his worldly possessions (it would seem he was kin to your late mother, Siobhan, may god rest her soul).
We look forward to meetin ya when you get the occasion to come see what you've inherited! Don't fret overly for the late Ennis, again...he wasn't much more than a bit of a cock in life, so we he won't be missed. But we'll be thrilled to meet ya!
Sincerely,
Molly O'Riley and family
County Clare, Ireland
(Pre-Marhawa Incidient -2010)
17th Jan 2010
Dear Claire,
On behalf of our unit, I just wanted to say it was real nice to get to see you the other day. Thank you for taking the time to talk with everyone. The guys really appreciated it.
I know you were surprised by the men's reaction upon first seeing you. Let me explain. When we heard that Terra Save would be arriving on location, well, the men knew that you'd be coming and so they got a bit excited over the idea. They'd only heard stories about you, and since you're the Captain's sister, well...let's just say they were expecting someone more along the lines of his build. I tried to tell them otherwise, but their imaginations got the best of them.
So then when you arrived...well, aside from not being what they expected, we don't get to interact with a lot of pretty women in our line of work, so that's why they had the reaction that they did. Then they had to remember that you're the Captain's sister, and it made them all awkward... I'm sorry about that, ma'am.
You probably saw it for yourself, but we all have a lot of admiration and respect for the captain. In addition to being a very capable leader, he treats us like family. He's an inspiration to us all.
Speaking for the men, we're all looking forward to the chance to work with you again. Our paths may not cross often, and I know you're busy, but it'd be nice to talk every now and then, even through email. Just between you and me, if you have any pictures of the Captain when he was younger, I'd sure love to see them! I hear he was very different back then, but he won't show us anything...
There's a lot more I'd like to say, but it's time to get ready for our next posting. These missions aren't easy, but it's nice to know we've got allies such as your organization backing us up. Keep fighting the good fight.
1LT Piers Nivans
BSAA North American Branch
Jan. 19th 2010
Dear LT Nivans,
It's so nice to hear from you! The visit to the stationary on site relief effort was eye opening. In my line of work, I often times see the worst that bioterror can give us. It was interesting to look at it from the side of the battle, instead of the relief.
I'm sorry that I might have come across as too "Braveheart" in my speech! I was trying to stay uplifting and supportive of the cause, so I'm glad it came across as inspirational instead of patronizing!
For the record, Chris was always a big kid. He wouldn't like you to know it, but he was chubby up until the sixth grade! XD
For the record? Ma'am makes me feel old! Let's leave that behind, and keep this our secret! I've enclosed pictures of Chris from his formative chubster years. If he catches you with them, you didn't get them from me! We're now in cahoots!
A curious question of a personal nature, what kind of a name is Piers?
Sincerely,
Claire Redfield, TerraSave
23rd Jan 2010
Dear Claire,
The origins of the name Piers come from the ancient Anglo-Saxon culture of Britain. It is derived from the baptismal name for the son of Peter. Not bored enough yet? I'd like to give you a fantastic story about a boy raised in a heavily inspiring culture, but it's more simple than that.
I've got family all over the world, honestly. But I grew up in Missouri, a military brat by trade, with a mother who loved her bible. My two brother's are both named odd things as well: Calvert and Emory. There was a lot of patriotism, pride, and love in my house. But we all had horrible names.
Don't let the ma'am thing upset you. It's bone deep respect that was put in me at birth I think. For the record? Old is not something that your beauty is. It's timeless. Without sounding derivative? Your hair is titian, and your beauty is timeless.
The pictures are as well. I've started a scrap book for the men and for the Captain's upcoming birthday. I hope you can attend!
Respectfully,
1Lt Nivans
Jan 28th 2010
Dear Lt Nivans,
I don't think compliments are ever derivative if they're true. I'm taking what you said as true, just so we're clear. I'm also flattered. Especially since I'm old enough to be your mother and you look like a cover model for GQ. Surely there's women closer to your age that would love those eyelashes of yours to blink and compliment them?
I will do my best to make Chris' birthday, he's got an over the hill cake coming his way, that's for sure!
I was an army brat too. Chris and I lived all over before my parents passed away. In fact, we lived in Springfield, Missouri for a time. Any chance you're related to the Nivans family there?
Sincerely,
Claire Redfield, TerraSave
30th Jan 2010
Dear Claire,
...that's my Yaya and cousins that still live there. What a small world! As for the old comment, what you see as old? I see as timeless.
Sincerely,
Lt Nivans
Jan 30th 2010
Dear Lt Nivans,
Yaya? And...I wasn't aware anyone under my brother's command had any charm. Chris is about as charming as a wet pair of underwear.
Sincerely,
Claire
30th Jan 2010
Claire,
Yaya is the Greek word for grandmother. I forgot to mention that part. Lots of Greek roots on this side.
Addtionally? I've been with men for the last eighteen months. I haven't seen any underwear at all. It's all very upsetting.
Sincerely,
Piers
Feb 2nd 2010
Piers,
You poor thing. I want to help with the cause. Want to see mine?
Claire
14 Feb 2010
Claire,
It's probably weird to respond to that on Valentine's Day but there it is. I'd say yes, and ask for pictures, but I suspect the Captain would castrate me. Of course, then I wouldn't need underwear either.
Sincerely,
Piers
Feb 14th 2010
Piers,
I can handle Chris Redfield, I promise. But I need to secure a direct proportional response. Quid pro quo?
Claire
14 Feb 2010
Claire,
I'm a gentleman. I think I need to buy you dinner first. How do you feel about porridge? Or MRES?
Piers.
Feb 14 2010
Piers,
Why not? It's Valentine's Day. How do you feel about Skype?
Claire
13th Mar 2010
Claire,
On our way back from Australia with Dr. Chambers. She's incredible! I've never met someone with such a fertile mind. Any chance you'll be stateside when we land?
We'll be landing at 0210 at O'Hare in Chicago.
Piers
Mar 13th 2010
Piers,
You kidding? I'm in Chicago now for a conference. I'll pick you up! It'll be great to see you!
Claire
14 Mar 2010
Claire,
When I die I want your hands on my eyes:
I want the light and the wheat of your beloved hands
to pass their freshness over me one more time
to feel the smoothness that changed my destiny.
I want you to live while I wait for you, asleep,
I want for your ears to go on hearing the wind,
for you to smell the sea that we loved together
and for you to go on walking the sand where we walked.
I want for what I love to go on living
and as for you I loved you and sang you above everything,
for that, go on flowering, flowery one,
so that you reach all that my love orders for you,
so that my shadow passes through your hair,
so that they know by this the reason for my song.
-Pablo Neruda
March 14th 2010
Piers,
I don't know if I should laugh or cry. This morning was the first time I woke up and didn't feel alone in a long time. I wish you could have stayed longer. I wish...I wish there were a thousand hours in the day that we could spend together. What can we say now?
After all, there's no need
to say anything
at first. An orange, peeled
and quartered, flares
like a tulip on a wedgewood plate
Anything can happen.
Outside the sun
has rolled up her rugs
and night strewn salt
across the sky. My heart
is humming a tune
I haven't heard in years!
Quiet's cool flesh—
let's sniff and eat it.
There are ways
to make of the moment
a topiary
so the pleasure's in
walking through.
-Rita Dove
18 Jun 2010
Claire,
I just got the care basket - I couldn't be happier. How'd you know about the gummy worms? Did my mother call you again?
Piers
June 18th 2010
Piers,
Yup. We have lunch twice a week now. Scared?
18 Jun 2010
Claire,
Nope. You should be though. She has a really big rolling pin in that house. Also? She likes the big "M".
Piers
June 18th 2010
Piers,
M? For Making Love?
Claire
18 Jun 2010
Claire,
I wish. But it's "M" for marriage. She wants me to marry you. What do you say?
Piers
Jun 18 2010
Piers,
I say you shouldn't propose to a girl via email. Who raised you?!
Claire
18 Jun 2010
Claire,
She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes;
Thus mellowed to that tender light
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.
-Byron
June 18th 2010
Piers,
...my heart is pounding here. What are you saying here?.
Claire
18 Jun 2010
Claire,
I loved you first: but afterwards your love
Outsoaring mine, sang such a loftier song
As drowned the friendly cooings of my dove.
Which owes the other most? my love was long,
And yours one moment seemed to wax more strong;
I loved and guessed at you, you construed me
And loved me for what might or might not be –
Nay, weights and measures do us both a wrong.
For verily love knows not 'mine' or 'thine;'
With separate 'I' and 'thou' free love has done,
For one is both and both are one in love:
Rich love knows nought of 'thine that is not mine;'
Both have the strength and both the length thereof,
Both of us, of the love which makes us one.
Piers,
June 23rd 2010
Piers,
I took a few days to digest your last email and finally couldn't stand it anymore. It's killing me, but I had to say it. I love you too. I do. Lord, it's scary. Big hero huh? Scared of the "l" word.
Claire.
Claire,
"L" for likes it dirty?
Piers
Piers,
Not a red rose or a satin heart.
I give you an onion.
It is a moon wrapped in brown paper.
It promises light
like the careful undressing of love.
Here.
It will blind you with tears
like a lover.
It will make your reflection
a wobbling photo of grief.
-Duffy
Claire,
...my cup runneth over.
Piers
Dec 24 2010,
P,
It's been about three months since you went into the woods with Chris to hunt for signs of survival outside Nimgazi. I've emailed twelve times. I'm starting to lose hope. It's Christmas Eve. Will I ever see you again?
I'm starting to lose heart.
I miss you.
Claire
25 Dec 2010
Claire,
...look outside.
Piers
18 Jun 2011
Dear Claire,
After your ordeal on Sushestvovanie Island, I could barely belief that you made it out alive. I'd known, of course, that you were strong. I'd heard. I had no idea you were a Valkyrie. When I heard...when I heard they'd taken you...I don't even remember it. Those days when you were first gone.
I think I went insane. I think I went into shock. I think maybe I was lost or something.
I don't know what I'd do if I lost you. I'm coming to see you. As soon as they let me off this god forsaken island, I'm coming to see you.
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
-Elizabeth Barrett Browning
June 18th 2011
Piers,
I was wrong before. I was stupid. I was scared. Marry me. Say yes. I can't breathe without you.
Claire
Claire,
Yes.
Piers
1 Jan 2012
Claire,
I don't know when I'll get back. This is a fucking mess. There's rumors too of the Edonian Civil unrest rivaling that of the Eastern Slav Republic. I miss you. I wish you had said yes to eloping when I saw you last.
I don't know if we'll get the wedding you deserve.
At some point in 2012, an incident occurred where two female students fled the academy. One of the escaping students had an accident which took her life, and the surviving one was forcibly taken back to the academy.
It was in this time when Carla Radames, founder and leader of the terrorist organization "Neo Umbrella" infiltrated the compound. Under the disguise of a cloaked traveler, she provided the student who survived the fleeing scene with a mutagenic virus, claiming that it can bring back her deceased friend and exacting revenge. Not long after this encounter, one by one the students and workers of the academy began to turn into zombies, albeit with new traits unknown at the time.
Dr. Doug Wright, an advisor in the BSAA, was called to the academy by its headmistress, Gracia Delenikas. The two attempted to find a solution to the outbreak, but the number of infected student increased rapidly. Doug decided to contact the BSAA for backup, but Gracia was against this option, further worsening the situation. In the ensuing chaos, the headmistress, along with Dr. Wright and his companions lost their lives.
The zombified students were later annihilated by BSAA agents dispatched to the area. We handled it, but the losses were hard.
The Captain doesn't want to rest. He wants to immediately deploy to Edonia and assist there. We have the momentum now, I have to agree with him.
I love you.
I miss you,
P
Piers,
I'm in the ESR doing relief work. I love you too. BE CAREFUL!
Claire
Claire,
It's bad. It's so bad. It all went to shit. There was a woman, Ada Wong...I don't know how it happened. Come quickly. Hurry. The Captain is badly wounded, the men are dead. I did what I could. It all fell apart. I think I failed them all. I did it for the BSAA. I left them, I don't know if they were dead or alive. If they could be saved. I just saved the Captain. Was I wrong?
P.
Piers,
I'm already there. You saved him. You did everything you could. You know the BSAA needs him to thrive. You are a hero. Don't ever say you're a failure again. You hear me? I'm already there. Thank you for protecting my brother.
C
Claire,
I would die for you and for your brother. Believe that.
P
Piers,
I would die without you. Believe that.
C
29th Jun 2013
Claire,
The deep end is a god awful place. From the last time we saw each other, your brother had deteriorated. With Jill Valentine in charge, the BSAA holds together - weakly, but in good faith. How do I help him? How do I purge his pain? He needs you. I need you. Can you come?
P
Jun 29th 2013
Piers,
I will get there as soon as I can. There's a mess in China that's keeping us on all relief efforts. I'm so sorry. Can you get him somewhere safe for me? I will be there as soon as they let me charter a flight.
I love you.
C
Claire,
The china situation needs me as well. And I need him. I need him to lead the men. He has PTSD and amnesia, Claire. He doesn't remember who the hell he is. He's a fucking mess. Do I leave him behind here? Do I push him? What can I do?
P
P,
Get him on the mission. He will rise. It's all he knows how to do. Get him into the fight. It's how he'll remember. No matter what else, P, stand beside him. He'll come around. He can't do anything else but that.
I have so much to tell you when I see you. Be safe. I will see you in Lanshiang.
Claire
Claire,
I will protect him. I will push him. I will make him remember who he is. I can't wait to see you. I yearn for you.
It's today: all of yesterday dropped away
among the fingers of the light and the sleeping eyes.
Tomorrow will come on its green footsteps;
no one can stop the river of the dawn.
No one can stop the river of your hands,
your eyes and their sleepiness, my dearest.
You are the trembling of time, which passes
between the vertical light and the darkening sky.
-Neruda
-P
This letter is written with deepest sympathy regarding Nivans, Piers 1LT to inform you, his spouse, that he was regrettably killed in action on this day 1 July 2013. He has been awarded the Medal of Honor and the Purple Heart for bravery and service his to country.
We thank you for his sacrifice and God Bless the USA.
-Adjunct Attorney General of the United States of America, BSAA Division adjacent, USSTRATCOM secondary defense personnel department
2nd July 2013
Congratulations, you're expecting! As we told you in person, you're pregnancy test was positive on initial exam. This letter confirms your bloodwork results for a pregnancy test dated 29th June 2013. You are EXPECTING! Please follow up with your doctor for additonal testing and prenatal care!
-Sincerely, Lanvin OBGYN and Associates, Park Avenue, New York
4th July 2013
Good day to you Claire! We look forward to meeting you! I can barely wait to see your face!
You'll love it here! It's a great place to renew your soul.
May love and laughter light your days,
and warm your heart and home.
May good and faithful friends be yours,
wherever you may roam.
May peace and plenty bless your world
with joy that long endures.
May all life's passing seasons
bring the best to you and yours!
-Molly
Post Note: This is all a love story. For Claire to Piers. For Claire to herself. For Claire to her future. It's a story about finding herself, when she's lost in the pain of it all - and being born again from the ashes of her own loss. It's completely outside of my wheelhouse in that there's no fighting, no zombies, no (un)death. Just rebirth - of the kind that has nothing to do with being undead- of how a woman finds the strength to move on, let go, and live again.
*1- Saoirse (SEER-sha) – Freedom, liberty BEING WHO YOU ARE